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Tony Stark will be the first to tell you that he is bad at romantic relationships. He clings too much, and then goes away for days at a time; he goes and gets shot at while wearing a giant metal suit, or, worse yet, while not wearing a giant metal suit; he swears, and flirts, and is never on time to anything. Even Pepper, wonderful Pepper, had to give up on him eventually, and he is just grateful that she stayed his friend and the CEO of his company, and drowns his sorrows in booze and beating up bad guys, sleeping with beautiful women and beautiful men who are none of them Pepper –
And his completely unexpected, utterly baffling standing Saturday afternoon date with Logan and Steve. With Steve Rogers, Captain America himself, who comes over every Saturday that they’re not actively beating up bad guys and sits on the couch and drinks strange alcohol (Tony is proud of his ability to find ever stranger alcohol) and talks about anything and everything. Who asks Tony questions about new technology and is cheerfully baffled by reality television and laughs out loud when Logan uses his claws to get that extra two inches of reach to beat Tony to the last cookie. (Of course cookies go with beer. Why wouldn’t they?)
*
It turns out Steve really isn’t a dick when he’s not being stressed out by having to save the world again shortly after being woken up in an entire new century. He’s actually kinda funny. Who knew?
*
Tony has known he’s bisexual pretty much since he hit puberty, and he came to grips with his utterly impossible crush on Steve after they’d all saved the world a couple times and stopped sniping at each other. So Tony has daddy issues; who doesn’t?
But for all that Captain America’s official stance is pro-gay-rights, because when has Captain American not stood up for the little guy, it’s practically his…what’s that French thing, Tony’s always bad at French things, raison d’etre, that’s it, his reason for being – anyway, while Captain America’s official stance is that being gay is just fine by him, Tony has no idea what Steve’s stance is, and he doesn’t want to find out by grossing the poor guy out and making him leave Tony alone with Logan and never coming back again. Which is what Steve would probably do if Tony made a pass at him.
*
Not that Logan’s a bad fellow; he’s cheerfully bloodthirsty and mostly indestructible and understands about defending the world from evil, and he and Tony can get a good three-hour hate session going about Magneto, because metal suit and/or skeleton plus metal-controlling bastard equals a bad fucking time for everyone. Steve just listens and grins. Vibranium, apparently, isn’t magnetic; Steve doesn’t have to worry about Magneto. Smug bastard.
So Tony’s fine with being friends with Logan, always has been, keeps Logan’s preferred beer on hand and doesn’t complain about Logan stealing the last of the cookies – really, with Logan and Steve around, Tony is lucky if he gets two cookies, much less his fair share, because they eat like pigs, they really do. Supersoldier metabolisms – if Tony could bottle that, he’d be rich. Well, okay, richer. Not that Tony needs to be richer. And in any case they’d probably just end up with more green rage monsters or something, and the world just does not need any more green rage monsters, no offense to Bruce, who’s a swell guy really, but still. Giant green rage monster. One is more than enough.
But anyway, Logan and Tony have been friends forever, there’s something about being a pair of drunken womanizers that just gives them a lot to talk about, you know? In a monosyllabic way. Logan’s a good fellow, and Tony can talk enough for both of them.
*
Sometimes Tony gets so caught up in inventing that he’s just gotta hug someone – it’s not really a conscious thing, he’s hugged beggars and senators and Pepper and even tried to hug Fury once because he had this wonderful idea, no seriously wonderful, it was huge. (He managed to catch himself before he hugged Fury. Barely.) And since Steve’s around so much now, sometimes he’s there when Tony just has to hug someone. Which means that Tony hugs Steve.
Steve never objects. He just stands there, looking a little confused but not complaining, until Tony lets go and goes running off to the lab to make marvelous things. Tony can’t help savoring the memories, though, of hugging Steve and not being rejected. It’s something to cherish when he’s feeling lonely. Not that he pines, you understand. Tony Stark does not pine.
*
He’s made a rule for himself that he can’t bring men home on Friday nights. He doesn’t want Steve to see them on Saturday, and Tony’s never mastered that whole ‘getting up on time’ thing. It never seemed relevant. Well, given that he never mastered that whole ‘sleeping at predictable times’ thing – or even the ‘sleeping at all, my God, Tony, you’re going to kill yourself’ thing…well, getting up at a given time just isn’t really on the table, you know? But he can at least make sure that the disheveled people Steve sees leaving Tony’s rooms are female.
*
See, he forgets that it’s Friday. Well, they saved the world again Wednesday, and then Tony had this brilliant idea, and then it was evening, and he went out to find someone to sleep with him because that was probably the only way he was going to be able to sleep – when he’s running on nervous energy and caffeine, sometimes a good fuck is the only thing that’ll calm him down – and then JARVIS is announcing that Steve is on his way over.
And there’s a man in Tony’s bed.
Well, fuck.
*
Steve is a good sport about it. Of course Steve is a good sport about it. He’s Captain Fucking America, he believes in civil rights for everyone, why wouldn’t he be a good sport about it? But no, Tony just has to pick at it and pick at it because that’s who he is, he wouldn’t be Tony Stark if he didn’t pick at it –
Shit, Captain Fucking America has never been laid?
In the aftermath of that revelation, the fact that Steve is apparently fine with Tony being bi is kind of an anticlimax, really.
*
Pepper insists that getting Steve twenty-four hookers, twelve of each gender, is a bad idea; and since Pepper is usually right about this sort of thing (fine, fine, and because she makes JARVIS promise to lock Tony out of his lab if he goes through with it), Tony lets it drop.
He really, really doesn’t know how Clint and Natasha hear about the plan, but since apparently Steve never hears about it – he probably would have gone all pink and huffy if he had – it’s all good, right?
*
Tony buys Logan a lifetime supply of his favorite beer, the morning after they relieve Steve of his virginity. It’s the least he can do, really, given that Tony would have never expected Steve to be bi, not in a million years, and it’s only Logan’s big mouth and apparently super-sensitive nose that reveal Steve’s secret.
And yeah, okay, maybe Tony’s not at his most suave when he flings himself at Steve, all hands and desperation, but then Steve’s never done this before, it’s not like he’s judging on technique, you know?
And Tony doesn’t usually bottom – it’s not the sort of thing he does with casual flings, because making sure your partner is using a condom can be kind of nerve-wracking, and the last thing Tony wants is an STD – it would surprise everyone but Pepper, but Tony is actually very careful with his sexual health – but when the other two men in the bed are Wolverine and Captain Fucking America, well. Tony is willing to be the receptive partner, okay?
Goddamn, but Logan has big hands.
And apparently the serum made sure that Steve never needs to worry about his manhood. He’s never going to need to buy a muscle car, you know? The man is hung. Tony is going to be sore for a week, goddamn, and he has never been happier to be sore. And that includes the time he wrenched a muscle trying out the suit.
And oh, oh, but there are few perfect moments in Tony’s memory, few that are not tainted somehow with betrayal and sorrow, but this will remain a perfect moment forever, he will engrave it on his tombstone if he can (of course he’s going to have a pornographic tombstone):
Steve on his hands and knees above Tony, looking down at him with an expression like a man finding heaven, buried balls-deep in Tony’s ass and moaning, while Logan looms above them both and moves so slow and controlled and fucking perfectly, and Tony clenches his hands around the headboard and stares up into Steve’s face and takes it, takes everything, engraves it on his scarred heart and wishes this could go on forever.
*
And then a second moment, somehow as perfect as the first: waking up wrapped in Steve’s arms, warm and safe and happy; Logan sitting by the window smoking one of his horrible cigars and smiling at them both; and for once Tony doesn’t need to leap from the bed, doesn’t have to make excuses and rude comments, doesn’t have a hangover or any regrets at all, just this one, still, silent moment full of love.