Chapter Text
Max: I just found out that humans are capable of fitting a light bulb into their mouth with ease but can’t take it out without shattering it, and now I have to physically restrain myself from putting a light bulb in my mouth
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Max : Bro-
Lewis : No, no, hold up, rewind.
Lewis : My tongue was down in your throat just a second ago and now you're calling me bro??
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Max : The stars are so beautiful...
Lewis : They're just giant balls of gas.
Max : You know what, if you're just going to ruin this, then-
Lewis : And yet none of them are as huge as my love for you.
Max : Oh...
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Lewis : Okay, I’m going to get the wedding cake.
Max: Perfect, while you do that I’ll check on the ring bear.
Lewis : ...
Lewis : You mean ring bearER, right?
Max: ...
Lewis : Look me in the eyes and tell me you are not going to bring a dangerous wild animal to our wedding.
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Lewis , watching the news: Someone tried to fight a squid at the aquarium today!
Max: *walks in covered with ink* Well, maybe the squid was being a dick.
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Lewis : Three words. Say them and I'm yours.
Max: Three words.
Lewis : ...
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Lewis : I like your new pants!
Max: Thanks, they were 50% off!
Lewis : I’d like them better if they were 100% off. *winks*
Max: The store can’t just give away clothes for free.
Lewis : Thats’s… not what I meant.
Max: That’s a terrible way to run a business, Lewis .
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Max : I hate how you're just born out of nowhere, and you're forced to go to school and get education so you can get a job. What if I wanted to be a duck? No one ever asked me if I want to be a duck!
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Lewis: WHY DID YOU KILL HIM?! HE COULD HAVE HAD HOPES AND DREAMS, HE COULD HAVE HAD A FAMILY!!!
Max: Lewis..
Max: It- it was just an ant-
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Max : You are an absolute fucking dork.
Lewis, singing: Yeah, but I'm your dork!
Max : *sighs* Yeah, you're my dork.
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Max: Relationships should be 50/50. Lewis cooks us dinner while I sit on the kitchen counter looking pretty.
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Max : Can I have 2 straws with that milkshake?
Lewis: Aww-
Max : With 2 straws, I can drink it double as fast!
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Lewis: Ugh, crushes are so dumb.
Max : I know. Whenever I’m near the person I like I just start acting stupid.
Lewis: But you’re always acting stupid?
Max : ...
Max : Yeah, don’t think about that too hard.
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Max: I guess I'm just too tough to cry!
Lewis: Just yesterday you were crying about snakes?
Max: They don't have any arms :(
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Max: If Lewis finds my fan account, he'll only see my thirst tweets about him and probably hit me with a Bible
George: I would pay to watch Lewis hit you with a Bible
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Max, looking at Lewis’s cut finger: Who hurt you?
Lewis, jokingly: Do you want a list or what?
Max, loading his gun: Yes I do.
—
Max: Nice hands, Lewis
Lewis: Um...thanks
Max: I bet they would look better wrapped around my-
Bono: BIBLE! AROUND THE BIBLE! PRAISE THE LORD AMEN.
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Max:*crying
Lewis: Will you calm down? I talk to a lot of men, doesn't mean I want to kiss all of them
Max: I knew it!
Lewis: What?
Max: You talk to other men
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Max: Lewis is a dick. I woke up at six in the morning to his alarm screaming "Get in there Lewis, GET IN THERE"- It felt like a nightmare