Chapter Text
Was that a thunder? Was that the most terrifying sound you've ever heard? Nothing seemed scarier, just the sound and the head of the Colossal Titan peeking from behind the wall. That day changed everything, it really did. Maybe if you stood your ground it would've been over already, maybe if you didn't let Mikasa drag you from your house, then you would've been dead already. It all seemed like a big nightmare, debris of the wall flying and destroying houses, killing people, killing your family, friends and many more. Her hand holding yours, forcing you to run away, maybe if you let go of her hand, it would've been better, than repeating your mistake from 6 years ago.
Maybe if you let go of her hand, you wouldn't be riding towards the so called sea as Arming called it. You were excited and both sad that many of our people, mostly your family wasn't here to watch this unforgivable moment, as the moutains disappeared and in front of us appeared a path towards the sea. It was really beautiful, blue colours in different shades, shining and glowing because of the sun rays that met at the surface. At the moment, you wanted to cry, you never thought that after everything you've been through, would lead to this exact moment, you and your friends, riding towards your freedom. No more Titans, no more fighting, just you and your beautiful freedom.
Your hair flowed with the wind, your eyes shined even more when you rode closer to the coast. Mikasa, Eren, even Armin all adored the way you looked, the way you smiled when you turned to look at them, your gaze meeting Mikasa's, making blush appeard on your neck, creeping up on your cheeks. She knew at the exact moment, you were the most beautiful girl she has ever seen. She thought to herself if you felt the same, the same sparks when she touched you, the same butterflies in your stomach when she smiled at you the same way you did. At the moment all she wanted to do, was to grab your hand and never let go. This was the moment she knew, that she'll always protect you.
"Mikasa look!" You raised your hand in front of you, pointing at the huge dam that separated the ground and sea, the exact same dam that separated the other world from yours. Mikasa however never looked away from you, she reached her hand to you and placed it on your shoulder, even though you were both still far away from each other, you were always able to find your way to each other. You never felt this happy, you never felt this kind of freedom, maybe once or twice, but it was never this powerful. All you had to do was survive, survive and live.
Eventually you made it even closer to the water, stopping on a cliff, with a long exhale you jumped off the horse, petting it on it's head before making your way down the path that lead to the shore, under the cliff. You rolled up your pants to your knees and then it happened, the water touched your feet rather fast than slow. Everything was like slow motion, but at the same time, the moment lasted just a few second before the water disappeared again. You felt a hand slip into yours, fingers intertwining with yours. You turned your head to look next to you, Mikasa stood there, small smile placed on ther lips made your heart beat faster, butterflies erupted in yours stomach and all you could do was squeeze her hand and look in front of you.
Her hand soon tugged you with her, she made her way further to the shore, the water started rising to your knees. It was cold, but the heat from the sun made it cool, you were in heaven, was it really the end? Was it all that you've been through just a test and this was your reward? Mikasa turned to look at you her black eyes sparked when they met yours, everything seemed to stop. It was just you and her, nobody else, no threats, no friends, nothing, just you and her. Her smile brightened even more, its was bigger and prettier than you've ever imagined. This was happiness, this was freedom.
Your whole life... your whole life you've been put through pain, loss and almost death. You've been at the edge, where you thought that nothing else was beyond the cliff, that was always put in front of you, you were scared that if you jumped, then you would never see your friends again, if you jumped that you would never see this view, if you jumped that you would never see Mikasa again. So you gained the power back, thought about all of those beautiful and amazing things that made you happy and here you are. Standing in front of you was the love of your life, even though you never told each other that, you were glad that you met her the day that Wall Maria fell. You were happy that she stuck with you till this exact moment. Because she was the only thing that kept you sane since day one, she was the only one who stood by your side, holding your hand and never let go.
"This is freedom!" You heard Eren exclaim behind me, but you paid no attention to it, because there stood in front of you, the most beautiful girl you've ever seen. Her jet black hair flowing with the wind, her lips so perfect that all you wanted to do was to kiss them, her black eyes sparkling while watching you. This was the moment you've dreamed of. The red scarf wrapped around her neck, threatening to fly away, but you were there to catch it and wrap it around her neck once more. You were so close, but you knew that if you did anythng, it would ruin this perfect moment. So instead you let go of her hand and ran towards the sea, ignoring the coldness surrounding your legs and soon your body, you ran and then started swimming, diving under the surface to watch the beautiful scenery under it.
Fish swam around you, when you opened your eyes, ignoring the stinging sensation in your eyes, because of the salty water. All you wanted to do was touch every thing under the water, every fish, every coral every shell that was placed on the bottom. In the corner of your eye you saw someone swim from behind you and when you turned around you couldn't believe your eyes.
Turtles and bigger fish were swimming further away from the place you were now, standing and holding onto this huge rock, but before you could make your way there you had to swim up to catch your breath.
Mikasa kept looking at you, thinking that maybe everything was really at the end, she always wanted to spend her time with the person she loved most, she thought hat it was Eren from the fiirst time they met, but she was wrong. Her heart belonged to you, her heart ached for you, your touch, your voice, your everything. Whenever you weren't near her, she was always asking herself if you thought about her too, if you imagined the same things she did, she was always a curious person, some maybe thoguht that she was heartless towards others and it was true a little, but she always cared about you more than anybody else ever did.
Everything seemed to fall into place when she remembered the one moment you and her were alone, walking around the streets of Stohess District.
"Mikasa, do you think that some day, we wil finally be free?" You asked her, but her answer was always the same. "I hope so." Her eyes flickered between your eyes and your lips, but you never noticed the way she was looking at you. Both of you kept walking towards the square, it was already past 10PM and the streets were empty, just a few people were heading back home or somewhere else, but every corner was empty, every shop and street was empty, just like every day.
You sat down on the edge of the fountain, placed your naked feet into the water, which brought sad memories to your mind, your family. You always used to do this, walked in the streets as soon as the clock hit 10PM. "Y/N...?" You felt Mikasa sit down beside you, interrupting your thoughts.
You turned your headd slowly, looked her right in the eyes, which were so captivating and smiled softly. "Yeah?" You asked her, your voice almost unrecognizable while you watched the water make waves around your feet. You felt her hand being placed on your shoulde, her touch making shivers flow down your spine, right to your stomach.
"Do you love someone?" You immediately turned to look at her, a fearfull expression appeared on your face. Does she know something? You thoought to yourself as you scanned her face, but it seemed like a normal question, without a hidden meaning. You raised your hand and placed it on top hers, the little contact of your skin with hers made you blush, so you turned your head to watch the waves again.
"I don't know if it's love..." You said, lying to her, because she can't know that you love her, you will tell her when the right time comes and now it's not. You felt her hand move, instead of your shoulder she was now holding your hand. Her smooth skin touching yours, her thumb stroking your palm, drawing small symbols on it.
"What does it feel like?" She asked you, hope hidden in her voice, it was always there, hiding behind all the toughness and confidence. However you always knew that she had this side, the scared Mikasa, the one who almost got killed if it weren't for Eren, saving her that day those stupid men killed her parents.
"It's painful and beautiful at the same time, even worse when you don't knnow if the person you love or like, shares the same feelings..." You said quietly, closing your eyes and imagining her and you together, holding hands and kissing. It was beautiful imagination, it almost made you cry, but you can't show her your vulnerability, not now when the most sensitive topic is on your tongues, threatening to spill everything to her.
"Oh..." She exhaled a breath she was holding. She laid her head on your shoulder, the unexpected movement made your breath hitch and quietly gasp. She must've sensed the tension, so she squeezed your hand and smiled to herself. She thought about telling you her secret, but decided it's best to keep it hidden for now, she doesn't want to lose you, never.
That day confirmed it to her, that you felt such feeling towards her. Just from the way you acted, how you tensed when she touched you, when you started looking in different directions, when she wanted to have your attention and when you were alone. You were always nervous when you were alone together. That acting confirmed it to her, and at the end of the day, when you both said goodbye to each other, she knew that she has fallen for you and you fell for her too. She just knew it.
"Mikasa! Come here, I want to show you something!" You waved at her, from the rock you were sitting at. However before you knew it a huge wave smacked you in your back and dragged you under the water. You felt a sharp pain in your head as you rolled under the water, because of the strong pull the waves had. You couldn't breathe and you couldn't swim up, something was holding you under the water, and when you looked under yourself, you saw that your ankle was stuck between a coral, which was starting to sting you.
She looked everywhere around the place, where she last saw you. She was starting to lose hope, when suddenly she heard Hange yell at her. "Mikasa, she's here!" She yelled and Mikasa immediately swam towards her, she was faster than anyone else and when she saw you almost passed out, her heart ached. She swam towards your leg and carefully managed to free you. Then she swam right towards the shore. "Eren! Help me!" She yelled when she saw you weren't breathing. She placed you on the sand, far away from the water.
Her heart was in pain, when she touched your neck, your pulse faint and distant. She started pumping your chest, her vision was blurry from the water that kept travelling down from her hair, she almost thought that those were tears, and maybe they were if it wasn't for the water. She thought about your times together, your smille, which wasn't showing on your face right now. You were fighting for your life, everthing seemed like a slow motion for her, her screams and panting, it took minutes maybe seconds before you finally gasped and spit out the watter that found it's way inside your lungs.
"Y/N!" She screamed when she saw you turn around, smile with a hint of happiness appeared on her face, when you finally gained your consiousness and looked at her. She immediately pulled you towards her and hugged you, making sure you were alright. You were confused about what happened, but when you felt the pain in your head and ankle appeard again, you started to remember. How the wave knocked you down from the rock and knocked the wind out of your lungs how you tried to call out for her, but you couldn't and the last thing you saw was her, making your way towards you and then it was dark.
"Are you alright? No... that's a stupid question... I'm glad you're alive." She said, still in the same position, hugging you closely. Her hand rubbing your back,, you could feel how her hands trembled above the fabric of your shirt. You could feel her cold hands touching you, you've never felt so safe in anyones embrace. Shhe made you feel save, she made you feel things no one else did, she was the reason you are alive.
She is the reason you found your love again after a long time of not feeling it, she is the reason for all of this, for your happines, for your confidence, for your safety. She is your guardian angel, she is everything you've always dreamt of and now you know it that you love her, you know that you'll do everything to keep her safe, because she saved your life many times.
"I'm here.... I'll hold you everytime you fall... I promise." She whispered into my ear and kissed my cheek, she was the reason you were blushing now, she is the reason your heart is beating. You buried your head in the crook of her neck, inhaling the scent of salt and her parfume, which you adored the most, and hugged her even tighter. Wiching you could stay in this position forever. I love you, Mikasa. You thought to yourself, wishing you could tell her this now, because you now realized that you want to spend the rest of your life with her and with the way she was holding you, you knew that she wants the same thing.