Chapter Text
Katakuri felt his heart stop. In front of Mama, even he appeared no more than fragile and oh so human. The way his heart raced and palms grew sweaty, he felt his body shrink and everything felt as if it grew in size. He was all of a sudden five again. And she hadn’t even spoken the words yet, but they rang in his head and he was powerless to stop them. Even the possibility of those words being uttered had been enough to break his focus and lose control of his Haki.
So when she finally did speak out the words he’d predicted he was in shock, “I’ve decided you're going to be married next week.” He was unable to predict her next words and instead forced to wait patiently.
He couldn’t comprehend what was happening. His other siblings were usually marriage chips to Mama, but Katukuri had worked tirelessly to make himself invaluable. The protection of Tottoland was his only partner. What good would marrying him to some stranger do, when it could only distract him from his work and therefore the safety of their domain. He hoped he could make her see that too.
A bead of sweat rolled down his head and tickled his skin, before resting in the folds of his scarf. But his face gave nothing away.
“The Donquixote Family should be here soon for the tea party. While usually I wouldn’t waste my time with rats like that, well, they’ve been working on a project that’s caught my eye.” Big Mom paused, inhaling some pastries, “Giants! Katakuri, can you believe it?” So exuberant was her exclamation that it sent her tray flying yet she did not notice.
He couldn’t figure out why giants might be so important. Not when it came to what happened with Lola and not now. They lived right next to Elbaf.
“Sure, they're also working on some devil fruit thing, but when I asked him about the giants he said his scientist could do anything! Giants, giants, giants…” she began singing to herself, the Homies joining in to create a horrifying crescendo, their voices fading in and out as Mama ate them but more came to replace them.
Despite his fractured concentration and racing heart, Katakuri found his voice and asked, “Why me?” He hoped to cut straight to the heart of the issue, that being his involvement. Dissuading Mama from her obsession with giants would be an impossible task.
“Why?” she asked. Katakuri stiffened further somehow, her tone still sweet as pie, but her eyes now held that flash of red all their family knew to fear.
He didn’t respond. It was rhetorical.
“Why my dear child because I want giants and if you want to serve this family you’re going to do this,” she said, popping another pastry into her mouth. “But mostly because I’m ordering you too. And aren’t you loyal to me, my son?”
She was testing him. A test he’d never failed before. So he nodded, the jerky motion surely almost imperceptible from her height.
But it was enough to settle her again, “Perospero knows the details, already hard at work I’m sure. However, there is a matter I can only discuss with you which is why I called you here.” Then she beckoned him towards her throne of pastries, “Come closer.”
So he did, mind blank except for the burning feeling of fear. Fear of his future.
When he was close enough, her seated position meant she only needed to bend slightly to level her face with his and look at him. Her cursory glance flitted across his face and down his body, before settling once more on his face. Then one of her large fingers came to hook in his scarf and yanked it down and away from its home. His slight frown deepened involuntarily as she pinched his face between her thumb and pointer. Katakuri felt frosting being rubbed into his skin and the nooks and crannies of his scars.
She moved his face with just the pinch of those fingers. Up, down, left, right, then back to center. “Smile for me,” she ordered.
He did.
“It’s just as I thought. You’re going to have to be extra careful to keep that scarf off yours in place. I’d forgotten how hard you were to look at. Don’t want you scaring away my future giants with that monstrous mouth.” Her fingers released him and she sat back up, resuming eating. “Go on. Cover those up before I lose my appetite.”
She laughed in a full body way, the kind that shook her skin and caused flecks of food to project across the room. Her Homies joined in.
So he covered up.
Unsure if he was dismissed he stood still a moment longer, but it was apparent she had moved on to other things.
Taking his chance, he turned on his heels and walked out. He kept his back straight and made a conscious effort to not move too fast. His focus was on getting to the door. It was fine. He was fine.
A slight flash of movement caught his attention. The mirror.
His steps faltered for a moment, a cold sweat breaking out over him anew. But by then he’d made it to the door and just like that, he was in the bustling halls of the chateau. A horde of sweets rushed into the throne room around him, murmuring and singing among themselves.
At the back of the horde stood his eldest brother, candy cane twirling between long fingers and smiling wide. He idled to stand in front of Katakuri who couldn’t evade without seeming rude. “Congratulations brother,” he greeted. “Must be somebody special for Mama to offer up her favorite, peroro.” His smile widened, stretching his face.
Katakuri simply shook his head in acknowledgement. They both knew he must be being punished.
“My little perfect brother, married before me. It almost brings a tear to my eye,” he took a lick from his candy cane, eyes dry, and stepped to the side. This released Katakuri from his cage by proxy. His brother then tipped his hat in congratulations and disappeared with the Homies.
Katakuri took the opportunity to breathe in once, deeply, then exhaled. He still couldn’t get in tune with his Haki which he knew made him a liability, unfit for patrol. So instead, he went to his temporary room in the chateau.
It was decorated in accordance with Mama’s preferred style, but at least it was Homie free. Without pretense he scanned the room for any mirrors and turned them over and stuck them down with mochi, unable to punch them lest he worry his sister. Confident in his privacy, he barricaded the door and window behind a thick wall. The bed, which took up the majority of the room's space, he turned on its side and shoved it against a wall along with all other furniture in his way. In the empty space, he finally was able to put up his fortress of mochi and shut the door behind him, making sure to mold the seams together.
It was pitch black inside. Usually, Katakuri ate his merienda through the use of observation Haki, confident in his ability to navigate the darkness, but now there was no merienda and no donuts. Instead he wandered to the center of the mochi fortress and sat, forcing his breathing to calm.
He considered lying down, but the thought made his stomach roll with nerves. Finding no peace there, he shifted onto all fours to crawl towards one of the far corners and press his back against the wall. He brought his knees up to his chest, tightened his scarf around his face, and then wrapped his arms around his knees.
His arms worked to compress his body together, making him as small as he felt. Like he was just a kid again.
It had been almost twenty years since the last time he’d had to gaze up at Mama looking at him like that. Twenty years later and it shouldn’t hurt like this anymore.
But it did.
His arms constricted around himself as if to leave bruises, marks of his shame and weakness. Even the darkened escape of his mochi fortress, protected by sealed doors, did not ease his growing panic. All he felt was watched, preyed upon. He was sure if he lifted his head from where it rested between his knees, Mama would be behind him. He’d feel her breath tickle his ear, her arm wrap around the other side of him to brush cool rings against his face.
Fingers hooking into the corners of his mouth.
He reared his head back and slammed it into the wall causing the fortress to shake on impact. Then he swung back once again.
Stars burst across his vision but the pain centered him, allowing him to push the panic down. His younger self had to deal with this all the time and surely he could too. He was an adult now and just because Mama said something mean to him didn’t mean he could break down like a child. She was just telling him the truth. To be smart with their new guests. She even told him in private so he could be the best general he could be. This was a show of her kindness. Her love.
He exhaled sharply through gritted teeth. That’s right, Mama was just showing her love for him even though he’d done something to make her angry enough to marry him off. He probably didn’t even deserve this shred of kindness.
He should be thankful.
Prodding the back of his head, he felt a welt rising up. The pain startled him enough, the cool press of the wall registering. No one was there, it reminded him. He was all alone.
Inch by inch his body began to relax. Long legs coming to stretch out in front of him and his hands pressed into the candy floor. It was soft.
He lifted a hand up to run through his hair and found it damp with sweat. The rest of his body was also drenched, his torso was covered in it. But it was cooling him down so he tried not to mind.
The sweat from his forehead had other plans though and dripped down his face making him aware of scratches he had failed to notice. The sides of his temple were slightly bloody and he deduced it was from his knee pads. He must have failed to notice them scratching him through the panic.
But they were just scratches.
More importantly, if he could sense the blood on his temples that meant he must be calm enough to use his Haki. He did so, spreading his sight around the room. It was empty. Then he used it to look down the hall and saw nothing out of place.
His observation Haki wasn’t great at seeing distance yet, so he couldn’t see far, but what he did pick up was enough. Everyone was still safe and his minor lapse of composure hadn’t ended in a cataclysm as he so often feared.
The only thing out of place was him and who wouldn’t be after receiving news like that. In a week he’d be some stranger's husband. He knew he should be happy about it. Just because Mama married him off only meant he had failed her, not that he was irredeemable. This was just going to be a new way for him to prove his loyalty to the family and if there was anything he was, it was loyal. Her good guard god. Maybe Mama would even tell him why someday.
All this meant was he needed to try even harder. He couldn’t disappoint Mama again. If he lost her trust, then his siblings would be in danger and Katakuri could not let that come to pass.
It would be fine. But his hand still shook as they pulled his scarf down. Calloused fingers traced worn scars as they methodically removed the icing left over from Mama’s hands.
This just was a political marriage, he reminded himself. There would be no reason for his partner to ever see his face. He wouldn’t be forced to scare them. Katakuri took a moment to repeat that to himself like a chant that if uttered enough might become true.
Indulgently, he let another minute pass before forcing himself up. Just because he was being married off didn’t mean he no longer had a job and protecting his family came before his own discomfort. If he let his image slip any further, only danger could result from it.
Wrapping his scarf firmly in place once more, he recalled his mochi to stand firmly in the bright pink, albeit disheveled room. He’d done worse to it, so he simply wiped the blood from his forehead and took his leave.
Katakuri had no more time to waste if he was going to protect Tottoland and oversee that the production of this wedding went perfectly. Perfectly for Mama.