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Albrecht was in the forest again. The whole area was covered with silver fog and their jackets didn’t really help with the cold temperatures of the prussian winter.
They were holding their weapons with live ammunition again, ready to use it against the russian prisoners.
Albrecht was walking with the rest of his group through the dark forest again, more or less without any plan. They were looking for the escapers, for movements or anything else, they didn’t really know themselves. The light of the flashlights wasn’t helping with the intense darkness, which lead them to walking almost blind over snow and roots. You could barely see your own hands.
„Da niemand die Gegend so gut kennt wie ihr bitte ich euch um eure Hilfe“ Albrecht could still hear the strict voice of his father in his ears. It maybe was like that, maybe no one else knew the area like them, but they were still children, nobody older than seventeen years. They weren’t soldiers, not trained for a mission like this. Especially not with this cruel ending.
They heard the cracking of a branch again and saw some dark figures a few metres away who were panically trying to escape.
The fire started without any command, any warning and before Albrecht could even realize what was happening they were all shooting at these quiet figures.
They look weirdly small, was he thinking for the first time, somewhere in the back of his mind. Not at all how you would imagine Russian Prisoners. With long beards, broad shoulders and scary faces. Their shadows looked like theirs. When they came closer, full of fear, they spotted three men, dressed in green clothes. Children, they were children. Nothing like men.
Two of them were already dead, killed by the shooting of his group. Theirs, which they fired. They weren’t even eighteen, not even soldiers and not even in the war but they had still killed humans.
The third of the Russians made some horrible, painful sounds when they turned him around. He wasn’t dead, was still alive. But the wound at his chest, where blood was streaming, a lot of blood, gave little hope that he would survive. And even if he would survive, what would happen to him? Would he be put into prison, into an Arbeitslager?
“Das sind ja Kinder!” it broke out of Albrecht for the first time. He couldn’t just stand there, watch how this boy, probably just his age, was bleeding to death. He tried to take care of the wound as good as possible, but the bandage was dripping with blood just after a few seconds, which was basically spurting out of his breast.
The boy mumbled something in Russian and the thought that nobody could understand his last words was almost breaking Albrecht’s heart.
He didn’t even want to imagine how he must feel. How much pain he had, which they caused. How scared he must be. He was laying here – somewhere in a cold, prussian forest, the two other prisoners (maybe his friends?) were laying dead by his side and he? He had a wound from a gunshot which just wouldn’t stop bleeding. And the boys who were to blame for his wound and the death of his friends and who were part of all this evil are now standing next to him, screaming on a language he didn’t understand. The language of the enemy.
“Schon gut… Schon gut… Es wird alles gut“, mumbled Albrecht, more to himself than the boy. He didn’t even believe it himself; how could it all be alright for him? How could everything ever be alright for anyone? For all the other people, who were-
Albrecht shot up. Despite the darkness that surrounded him he was unmistakably seated in his bed in the dormitory and not outside in the forest. He could hear the deep breathing of his comrades and the light snoring of Hefe and even if it calmed him down because it wasn’t the helpless and painful sounds of the boy in the forest, he still couldn’t stop himself from crying. The tears just flowed from his eyes, basically turning into streams on his cheeks and then dripping on his blue pyjamas, which already had stains on it.
Deutsche Jungen weinen nicht, but he still couldn’t suppress the sobs and he couldn’t get his body to stop shaking. Albrecht was slowly laying down again and was looking on the calmly sleeping body which was laying in the bed next to him. He envied him a lot for his deep and peaceful sleep. He himself wanted to fall asleep again, wanted nothing more in this moment. He wanted to flee from his thoughts and from what happened in the night, but as soon as he closed his eyes his hands were covered in blood again and he could hear the mumbling of the Russian.
“Friedrich?” He was whispering quietly enough so nobody else could hear but loud enough so his friend would hopefully wake up.
“Mhm…?” he mumbled as an answer, still with closed eyes and probably more asleep than awake.
“Can I sleep in your bed?”
The blonde opened his blue eyes and was just staring at him for a few moments, until he nodded slowly. He moved to the side and held up the blanket, an invitation for Albrecht to really climb into his bed.
Albrecht hadn’t thought about what exactly he wanted to do when he was laying next to Friedrich. No, he actually hadn’t thought at all because if he had, he would have realised how dumb the whole action was. To explain to Friedrich that he only had a nightmare and there was definitely nothing behind all of this would be the easiest thing. If someone of their comrades or – even worse – Jaucher would find them like this, they could be sure they would get kicked out of the school. Not only that, but they would also probably be brought to the next Arbeitslager within a few hours, just like all the other homosexuals.
Now overthinking all of this he wanted to climb into his own bed again, when he felt Friedrich slowly and uncertain putting his arms around his shoulders.
Albrecht actually wished he could resist the situation, that he could go and lay in his own bed and just act like none of this ever happened, but he just couldn’t.
Maybe this was the closest, most intimate moment he would ever share with Friedrich, and he really wanted to – had to - enjoy it.
So he laid his head under Friedrich’s chin and hesitantly wrapped his arms around his waist and it was… surprisingly comfortable.
Albrecht took a deep breath and he immediately smelled Friedrich and Friedrich strengthened the grip around his shoulders which lead to them only laying closer.
Another sob shook his body and this was maybe – probably – only in his imagination but he could swear he could feel Friedrich’s lips giving him a kiss on his forehead. Even if this was just an illusion, it still felt incredible wonderful and he wished he would imagine something like that more often.
“Everything is alright… I’m here, nothing can happen to you…” Friedrich mumbled quietly. And Albrecht? Albrecht believed him. Here, just in this moment, in Friedrich’s arms, everything actually was alright. There was no war, no fronts, no soldiers, no prisoners, no wounded and no dead, there was just the two of them.
The two of them, as they were laying here on Friedrich’s bunk bed with the uncomfortable mattress, covered in his rough blanket, which was actually way too thin for this season and actually warmed them far too little. But it didn’t matter, due to them warming each other, tightly embraced as they were.
And eventually sleep overcome them and to Albrecht’s surprise he was not in the forest again but exactly here, right in Friedrich’s arms. As if this was the place where he belonged to and where he was supposed to stay forever. Or at least he wished it was like that.