Archive of Our Own

It was a pretty big deal to everyone in Liyue.. That the Crux Fleet suddenly got into an accident while facing a tsunami. 

Some parts of the warship were damaged. It’s honestly a miracle that it still is intact. It can still sail, but it just needs a few wood replacements. Beidou would be devastated. Well… Beidou would’ve been devastated, if she even knew what happened to her just now.

The night was hustling and bustling, citizens of Liyue still trying to support those who suffered from the accident. 

Most of the Crux Fleet’s members have been staying at a hospital in Liyue. It was a miracle that they were saved in time, but most are being hospitalized as they speak. Some can barely even move. 

In a room resides a young man with violet hair. He’s been knocked out in his room forever. There’s another young man wearing a black haori over his hospital gown sitting right in front of him, desperately calling for his name. The first thing he heard was a familiar person’s voice.

“... Hey.. wake up…! I..”

Somebody is calling for him.

The light brightens the room, filling the surrounding with orange. It blinds the young man as he forcefully opens his eyes. All he could see was the ceiling. The white, clear ceiling and the Liyue patterned lamp on top. 

“Hey!”

He gasps. His eyes widened, almost bug eyed. He grips onto the blanket tightly, letting the cold sweat drip away from his face. His voice is hoarse and his body feels heavy, but he still tries to get up.

“Huh…? I’m…” He utters as he sits up from the hospital bed. His violet hair is a mess.

He looks around, confused. There’s a white-haired boy right in front of him, wearing a hospital gown and a few bandages around his hands and wrists. He tells the taller woman beside him to call for a nurse. She also happens to be wearing a hospital gown too. It appears that this young man has woken up at some sort of hospital.

… I’m surrounded by a worried looking duo. This feels like something straight out of a drama. 

The woman comes back, saying that there would be someone coming soon. The hospital seems busy tonight. It’s super dark outside too. It only looks bright because of the lanterns illuminating around them.

But something feels off. Something feels wrong.

As the two others talk to each other, the young man clears up his throat, having an important question in mind. First of all…

“.. I’m sorry,” he says. “But who are you?”

More specifically, he wanted to ask something else. The entire world swirls around him and the two others. Nothing seemed to make sense. 

“... And also.. Who am I?”

The two look extremely confused, almost nervous. The white-haired young man inches closer, trying to re-examine him again. He looked at him as if he was missing critical information. That should obviously be the case.

“You…” the white-haired man slowly questions. “You don’t remember us?”

The taller woman leans against the wall, just behind the two men. She exhales, “Do you remember who you are..? Your name?”

The young man on the hospital bed stops his breath, clearly shaken. It was as if his whole world turned black, shattering and scattering into the lost bits of reality. There was no way this could be real. 

His breathing gets heavy. How can he even breathe? His body feels unnatural. Panic starts rushing through him as he grabs both of his elbows. Trying to hug himself, he squeezes even tighter around his knees. He kept repeating the words, ‘huh?’ and ‘what?’ because he truly was confused.

“Wh-who….” He nearly chokes out. “... Am.. I--”

“Ugh, not you too!” The person in front of him groans. The woman behind him slumps against the wall in defeat, slowly sliding down.

“... Huh?”

The world became black and white. Now, the young man was put into an even deeper spiral of confusion. What kind of a reaction was that ? How could these two strangers possibly be reacting like this?

“Listen, kid…” The woman sighs from below. “You’re not the only one who doesn’t know who they are. Everyone who was on that boat has amnesia.”

“... Huh?! ”

The white-haired boy crosses his arms with a confused but concentrated look on his face. He tried piecing things together for a moment, and then he sweats. He looks over at the young man on the hospital bed.

“Okay, let’s start slow. I think I’m starting to understand what’s going on here.” he says to the hospitalized. “I believe you have amnesia, sir. I think we’re your friends.”

“Friends?” he says. “Not family? Shouldn’t they be there by now?”

“I’m not sure… But it seems that we were on that ship.. You see that one? The one that’s wrecked.” The white-haired man points outside the window. “I think all of us were on that ship. We were sailing until we were hit by a huge tsunami and we kind of hit our heads or something.”

“.... ‘It seems?’ ‘I think?’ You guys don’t know?” 

“That’s the thing. Remember what we said before? Everyone on that ship has amnesia. We were on that ship too. We’re suffering from amnesia.”

“.... What?! ”

.

.

.

The doctor interviewed every single one of the members of the Crux Fleet. The three saw it all happen. All of them seem to be suffering from amnesia. Barely anyone can remember their names. They were only able to remember because they all have families that told them.

The taller woman was frequently reminded by another that her name was Beidou and that she was the captain of the ship. Apparently, she happens to be famous around Liyue. The doctors haven’t revealed any abnormalities in their brains and that they’re still likely in shock from the accident. Everyone should recover as they go about their daily lives. 

“ Beidou. ” the other woman sternly said. “Are you even listening to me?”

“Yeah, I am! It’s just that… sigh..” Beidou looks around at the woman dressed in fancy clothing. “I don’t even know who you are, and it’s…”

“Never.. Never.. do that again… Now look at you, you’ve gone completely…”

The other woman looks awfully upset. Beidou doesn’t know why, which is the worst part. She barely remembers anything before the accident. She can feel every single emotion the other is feeling, but she still isn’t sure of who she is. Due to the hospital’s law, Beidou still cannot leave the hospital, much to the other woman’s dismay.

“Alright.” The doctor claps their hands. “As for you two, it doesn’t seem like we can get any contact from your families. You’ll be here for a while. For now, let’s work on getting those memories back!”

Are you serious? What the hell is going on… 

The white-haired boy comes back, sitting on the table where the other one was. He sets down a newspaper, revealing an interesting headline. Beidou comes over to look at the newspaper.

“Woah…” She blinks.

“Apparently, this was us… This happened a few days ago..? Before we woke up from our coma.”

The newspaper had a headline about the Crux Fleet’s ship and the state it was in when it dove right into the hole of the tsunami. Pictures show the aftermath of what the Alcor had suffered from.

“It says we dove straight into the rogue wave.”

“It seems like I was the one who made the decision to do so. I’m so sorry.”

“Don’t be. You were the captain, so it was probably the best choice at the time. There’s no point in apologizing… probably..”

The mood was getting tense. The feelings just kept lingering. There has to be more to this. Why were all of them in that ship to begin with? Were they part of Beidou’s crew? They don’t know.

“Uh..” the white-haired boy stutters. “Why don’t we introduce ourselves, haha-- Uh.. I’m Kaedehara Kazuha. The woman Beidou was hanging out with told me so earlier. I think… I’m from Inazuma?”

“I’m Beidou. That woman, Ningguang, told me so. She laughed in my face, saying that my current attitude doesn’t suit my usual…” She stops to reminisce about that woman. She feels her heart go heavy. “Anyways… Nice to meet you, Kazuha. I believe I’m your captain?”

The two stop to look at the last young man. He has violet hair and blue-gray eyes. His red eyeliner seems to have never rubbed off since the accident with the tsunami. He looks nervous, albeit a bit squeamish.

“Uh--” he murmurs, trying to come up with a saying. “... I don’t know my name. Sorry. No one told me what my name was. I don’t think you guys know my name either.”

“ No one from the hospital told you?” Beidou scoffs, looking serious.

“No. My family isn’t here yet. They’re still trying to get in contact with them..”

“Well, we’ll need to call you something. It looks like we’ll be together for a while.”

“....”

But something feels off about this.

“... If we were in the same crew for ages, maybe we lived together? Maybe we’ve been living together on that ship.”

“Ningguang suggested that was true. So yeah, we were all buddies.. I think..”

The two sigh, then look at the other who was with them. They don’t seem to know his name. It looks like they’ll have to ask around and see if anyone knows his name. For now, they’ll just call him out by his looks.

They’ll have to figure all of this out by a few more days. For now, they’ll all have to try to get along. They’ll have to pretend that they’ve known each other for a long time. Why is this, everyone may ask? The doctor tried explaining in full detail, though it didn’t make sense to them.

“One way to trigger the return of memories…” The doctor started. “.. Is for the family to tell the amnesic patient about the experiences they’ve shared together…”

The three looked at each other nervously. The answer is obvious: that this method wouldn’t work solely because they have no memories of each other.

“... What about our families? Where are they?” Kazuha asked the doctor. “It’s already been a while since I woke up and they still haven’t…”

“It may be a while, since they’re likely to be residing in Inazuma. For now, we’re currently searching for companions in Liyue who know you. Otherwise….” The doctor puts down the piece of paper and legal documents. “Given that none of you have any memories, despite living in the Crux together, you…”

“... Could try talking about imaginary experiences?”

 Now, they were in the cafeteria right besides the hospital rooms. Most of the members of the Crux were surrounding the group, eating and complaining about how long the doctors have been keeping them. It was a weird conundrum after all. It’s not common that an entire crew of pirates would survive a tsunami and collectively receive amnesia. 

Most looked at Kazuha, who had suggested the idea. They all looked at him with disbelief. One of them questioned the young man, “Imaginary? What do you mean?”

Kazuha tried explaining, “We can imagine the places and things we’ve done together… And we can make it all up as we go! I guess..”

“... How does that work?” The young man with violet hair questioned his idea. 

“... We’ll be able to land on some real memories that way! Probably!”

He can’t be serious. 

“Have you ever found anything about yourself yet?” Kazuha looks at him. “Your name? Has anyone come up to you yet? Anyone familiar….?”

The young man sighs, his eyes looking tired. He looks at his empty, silver plate, watching the reflection of his face become slightly distorted. He grabs onto both of his elbows, hugging himself uncomfortably. 

“Not really… No one’s come for me yet..” he exhales, feeling heavy. “But I’ve noticed that my body.. It’s not like the rest of you…”

Kazuha tilts his head. He asks, “What do you mean?”

He starts to whisper in a raspy, hoarse voice. “It’s… there’s ball joints.. And my skin isn’t as smooth or soft as the rest of you.. And..”

“Oh, that’s pretty cool!”

The young man looks at him with dismay and concern. There was no way this guy was serious. He’s too laid back about everything, the young man concluded. He’s feeling way too free for someone who woke up from a coma a few days ago.

“What are you even talking about? You don’t understand-- this body is ball jointed, like I’m not even human!” He practically yells at Kazuha.

It was a terrible feeling. It was almost as if he’s felt this way before. He feels some sort of hatred towards his appearance, the reason unknown.

But Kazuha smiled back softly. He places his palm on his cheek, lifting his arm on the table and leaning forward. He grins, “But you seem pretty human to me. If we were from the Crux, then we must’ve been family to each other, right? Despite your body, we might’ve been on better terms with each other, right?”

“... What do you mean ‘family?’ My family still isn’t here yet. Are you saying that we’re family?”

One of the Crux members chips in, coming from behind Beidou. “The Crux was a place for people who have nowhere to go.”

A bad feeling pitted the young man’s stomach. Kazuha already knows the feeling. That he may have been a completely different person that he thought he was. Perhaps he didn’t like his own family, or his family didn’t like him. Kazuha already came to terms that he probably doesn’t have anyone waiting for him at home. But at least the young man with violet hair wouldn’t be alone that way.

“Hey, Kazuha, right? I don’t think your idea is a bad one…” One of the Crux members crossed their arms as they smiled behind the young man. 

Kazuha looked back at the young man with violet hair. “Why’re you looking at me that way? They said it wasn’t a bad idea.”

“It’s nothing, it’s just… I can’t believe you’d come up with something so unbelievably stupid.” He responds with a scoff.

“There’s no harm in trying.” Beidou sits up properly with a goofy smile. “Hm… That time when we went to the beach and found treasure was fun, right?” she then whispers. “Like that..?”

“You’re not serious… Are you?” The young man tirelessly exhales. 

Kazuha affirms, “Yes! Exactly like that.” he then exclaims, “It was really fun! We saw a lot of colorful fish… And there was so much jewelry in the treasure chest!”

“Yeah, yeah!” Beidou heartily laughs, like she’s playing along. “Right guys?”

The members laughed and added along the way. They all sat down around them and started discussing this fake, made up memory they just made. The more they added, the more real this memory felt. 

“The coconuts were so tasty!” One added.

“And uh… It was hot, right? Wasn’t it? I was sweating, haha..” Another played along.

“Uh-huh..”

Kazuha looked back at the young man with a grin. He knows what Kazuha wants him to do, but he doesn’t feel like complying. Kazuha kept on saying, “Right? Right? Isn’t that right?” to him, but it felt weird to add on to this fake memory.

“.... Sigh..” The young man sighs. “... We sold a lot of that treasure.. And we became rich.. Bought a lot of stuff with that too..”

Kazuha’s eyes brighten. He nods rapidly, “Yeah, yeah!”

It really did feel like they did go to the beach. The discussion was becoming more and more intense, and the more it did, the more fun it became. Everyone joined in, chipping in what fabrications they had in mind. It really did feel like they went to the beach, found a huge treasure chest, drank a lot of coconut milk and sold most of the jewelry. 

“Hey, maybe we did go to the beach!”

“It really feels like it..”

“This is fun.”

“Let’s keep it up! Hmm… Speaking of the beach.. How about Yaoguang Shoal? It’s near the harbor, so maybe we’ve been there before?”

“Oh, or maybe Guyun Stone Forest? If my memory serves right, Rex Lapis plunged a bunch of spears to seal that one god there!”

“Maybe we were the historical type of people who went on tours? But how can we call ourselves pirates then…”

Kazuha looks particularly interested in this conversation, the young man concluded. Beidou is also very enthusiastic about unlocking a bunch of memories too. But this doesn’t seem to be helping. It makes it look like they’re blind to it all.

Kazuha kept talking and talking… So much that the young man got tired of it. He just wanted to rest-- to sleep. He wants to figure out everything about himself first and why he’s so different from the others. If Kazuha wants him to feel better, he should get better at trying to reassure people.

“Sorry.” The young man suddenly got up from his seat. “I’m going to bed.”

Kazuha immediately speaks up, “Hm? But we’re just getting warmer!”

“Goodnight.”

And so he disappears into the dark hallway. It was about time they headed back to their rooms. The cafeteria might close any minute, so they shouldn’t delay any longer. 

“Goodnight, kid!” Beidou waves back, but she’s practically talking to an empty hallway at this point. “... He’s been awfully glum, hasn’t he?”

Kazuha looks into the dark hallway, his eyes looking empty. He suddenly shares an equal amount of sadness. He knows how it feels, after all. He was smart enough to realize that his family is probably never going to visit him. Not at all-- ever. 

He suspected that his family had already passed on. No one will be coming for him. So he can only rely on the Crux Fleet, his technical family. 

“The doctor… also said that we should take it easy. They’re fishing out the stuff that was dropped from the warship and bringing them here tomorrow. Those should be some clues about our previous identities! So…”

So there’s still hope for that young man to find out about himself. 

“.... Let’s leave him be, shall we?”

.

.

.

“... So that one time when we all went to the Jade Chamber…”

“Can you leave me alone?”

The next morning, Kazuha has been annoying him for the past few hours about more made up memories. The young man was just trying to read more books to figure out his situation, but he couldn’t even read a single word without his brain being distorted with Kazuha noises.

“Have you even bothered to regain your memories? The most important thing for patients suffering from memory loss is rest. Stop getting excited.”

A silence. The young man turns around and tries to start reading again. Kazuha’s overwhelming sun-like energy is still bothering him, so even if he tried to read, he would still be distracted. It was getting painful and awkward. 

“... Do you want your memories back that badly?” Kazuha interrupted the silence. 

“... I don’t even know my own name, Kazuha. Nobody knows. Not the Tianquan Ningguang, who literally came by today, not Yun Jin, who was able to tell all of the most important facts about you, not anyone !”

“.... Then that’s why it’s more important that we talk about imaginary experiences, right? The doctor even agreed with me. We might remember something by chance.” Kazuha looked at the young man, straight into the eyes. “I know a place we might all know. By looking at you, you might be Inazuman, like me. So come on..”

“No.” He refused.

“We’ll remember something, surely!” Kazuha exclaimed, as usual. “So… how about Ritou? It’s the docking place for Inazuma.. There’s maple leaves around, a whole lot of festivals happening there..”

“Stop it…”

“And then… What about that one time we went to the Grand Narukami Shrine? With all of the tall mountains, the sakura trees.. And when we saw the big tree..”

“Kazuha, stop..”

“What about… uh-- Nazuchi Beach? Oh, that’s a ringer. I think I’ve been there before.. Maybe you haven’t, but.. Or maybe Hanamiza--”

“ How?! ”

The young man sprung up and fiercely grabbed onto Kazuha’s collar. Tears flooded his eyes, his cheeks painted red and his teeth gritted. He looked so unbelievably mad and broken. Kazuha fell silent. 

“I’m… I’m worried! Am I the only sane person in this group who’s worried?! ”

The expression on Kazuha’s face turned soft and concerned. He sweated, thinking that he’d gone too far. Well, of course he’d gone too far. This person, whom he had just met a few days ago, is already crying in front of him.

“We could spend all day, any day making up all of these good times together.. But we’re blinding ourselves from the truth, aren’t we?!”

“....”

“No matter what we imagine, what we hear, what we think.. We might not remember anything from our pasts.. So tell me, Kazuha.. How can you act like nothing’s wrong?! Aren’t you worried too?!”

A cry, a sob, a tear. The young man finally cracked. 

“What if we never get our memories back?” he grits his teeth. “Why am I the only one who has nobody? No one knows who I am… No one in Liyue has ever seen me before and no one from Inazuma has yet to come for me. And my body is so weird, too.. Why am I the only one who got left in this circumstance?”

Kazuha sits himself up as the young man buried his face on his two knees. He practically curls up, trying to cover his messed up face. He pulls up the sleeves of his hospital gown and reveals his bare knees. There are, indeed, ball joints connecting his arms and legs.

“ Huh? What will we do then? We’ll be discharged soon. We’ll go back home. But what home do I even have? The Alcor? That’s been destroyed.”

“...”

“How can you not think these things, you idiot? Stop acting so carefree..”

…

“... Ugh-- what even am I? I feel like this body hasn’t experienced crying in a long time.. Ugh, the tears won’t stop.. Sigh..”

“..... Well..” Kazuha finally speaks. “ I personally don’t care if my memories don’t come back.”

The young man looks back at him with disbelief. This person has got to be the most insane person he knows right now. He hasn’t even gone to know him in a week, but he’s already made space for his memory.

“To me, in my heart, what’s past is gone. I can’t go back.” Kazuha fiddles with his own fingers as he talks. “Well, obviously I want to know some bits and parts of what I was like. I don’t even remember my hobbies. But…”

But..? 

“We’ve all got each other.”

The young man wants to scream at him, but it’s true. The only family that he probably has at the moment… is the Crux Fleet. It was just unfortunate that they all received amnesia. It wasn’t their fault for making him feel lonely. In the past, perhaps.. He was happy with them. 

“Truly, I believe that talking about trips, day in and day out.. Sounds like fun to me.” Kazuha lets out a huge smile under the bright, basking sun. “So I don’t care if my memories never come back. I think I’d be happy with you.. Beidou.. And the rest.”

….

“If it’s true that we came to the Crux because we have nowhere to go.. Then we’re like family, is that right? Then… If we lived on the ship, then we would have nowhere to go again…” The young man nearly curled up into a ball.

“That’s not true…”

The two jolt, looking everywhere from corner to corner. They have no idea where the voice came from. It sounded like a high-pitched, ghostly voice that came from the bottom floor. They looked down from the hospital bed, only to be greeted by a little girl.

“... Oh, it’s just a girl.” The young man nudged Kazuha roughly. 

“... Hello?”

The little girl nodded. Her big hat and talisman almost nearly knocked her over when she did. She looks far too skinny and light to even be alive right now. She sets down a tray of tea for the two of them.

“I’m Qiqi… Dr. Baizhu told me to tell you that… Someone will come to drop off your belongings that they found.. The Yuheng and… uh… I already forgot.”

Nicely, the young man leaned down to talk to her from his bed. He tried wiping away any sort of evidence that he cried just now. He speaks softly, “I see. Is Dr. Baizhu the one taking care of us?”

“Hm… I forgot… Yes..?” Qiqi spoke in a quiet tone, unsure of herself.

Does she have amnesia too? 

“Thank you, Qiqi.” Kazuha bows to the little girl. “So, what did you mean by ‘that’s not true?’ Are we staying somewhere until the warship is completely fixed?”

“Oh…! Uh… The Yuheng said that… you’ll be staying at one of the hotels.. Somewhere.. Sorry, I forgot the name…”

“The Yuheng… I forgot who they are too.. Well, they should be holding onto our stuff, right? Let’s go!”

“W-wait--”

Kazuha took the other’s hand and dragged him all over the hospital, much to his annoyance. He felt dizzy from all that crying he did earlier, he couldn’t even look straight. He ran with only blurry images popping up in his vision.

The hallways were filled with the sun’s bright light. It shone on them as they dashed around in the hospital, as lively as ever. The young man could’ve sworn he’s felt this way before. It feels all too familiar… He begins to suspect that this ‘Kazuha’ person meant way more to him than he thought.

They finally make it back to the cafeteria, where all of the Crux Fleet members have gathered. There laid a bunch of unusual stuff on top of a makeshift table. The Yuheng must’ve pushed tons of other cafeteria tables to create one big table. 

“Um, Miss Yuheng, how will we know which item belonged to which?” One of the members asked the girl in purple.

“You may call me Keqing. As for that, no need to worry. Your families are here to help you, as well as friends. I can help identify some items as well.” Keqing then darted her eyes at Kazuha, who was by the door. “I figured Kaedehara could help too, since he has such a good sense of smell. But given that he’s also amnesic… Oh well.”

It was true that Kazuha had a good sense of smell, but he never knew how to put it to use now that he has amnesia. He felt bad that he couldn’t help out this young lady, as well as the rest of the Crux members. He wanted to help find clues about the others as much as he does for himself.

He dragged the other into the room and circled around the huge table full of items. The items ranged from big to small. Some of them were even clothes. Some were huge vases that managed to live, some were.. papers and books. 

Beidou looked around and saw a hairpin that looked awfully familiar. A girl in front of her picked it up and exclaimed when she saw Beidou’s face. She isn’t wearing her usual eyepatch.

“B-Beidou! I think this is yours..”

She looked up at the girl instead of the hairpin. This girl might be one of her friends. Another one came up and even vouched that the hairpin was hers. It looks too fancy to be hers though.

“Really? It looks expensive… Did I really wear something like this?” Beidou scoffs as she takes the hairpin from the girl’s hand. 

“Beidou.” Keqing suddenly comes up, sternly speaking. “Ningguang is the Tianquan of Liyue Harbor, so naturally, she’s too busy to come visit right now. She told me to bring these two instead. They’re your friends.”

“Oh!” Beidou looks at the two girls. One of them has blue hair and has her hair up in cute braids. The other one has darker skin and has her hair up in wild twin-tails. “So you’re..?”

“Um.. I’m Xiangling! I’m a chef working for my dad in Wamin Restaurant. I used to go on your ship frequently to cook for you..” she looks a bit sad when she says that. But then she summons upon a huge looking teddy bear to brighten up her mood. “This is Guoba! You loved Guoba, remember..?”

Beidou sadly doesn’t remember, but she appreciates that he even brought her companion to help out her forgotten memories. The other girl then takes out her beauty of a guitar, specially made from Fontaine. She exclaims as well,

“I’m Xinyan! I also used to frequently come on board!” she sings as she strums the strings of her guitar. “I performed several times on your ship for parties and such. You were one of the only people who approved of my taste in music when I first started performing.. Seriously, I can’t thank you enough..”

Beidou may have lost her memories, that’s for sure. But she can never forget the faces these two girls made when they expressed their gratitude to her. She remembers nothing from her past, yet she realizes that whoever she was in the past was clearly an inspiration to many. 

They made the same expression Ningguang made when she rushed over to her hospital room. Ningguang is a highly respected individual in Liyue, and even she is concerned for Beidou. Beidou must’ve meant a lot to Ningguang.

“I’m sorry…” She heard herself say.

“... What are you apologizing for?” Xiangling exhales a chuckle. “We’re here for a reason. We’re gonna help you get your memories back!”

As Beidou heartily laughed, she still gripped onto the hairpin tightly. In her heart, she knows that only one person could’ve bought that hairpin for her. Someone who’s as rich and lovely as Ningguang. She held the hairpin close to her heart.

Ah, how lucky.

How lucky for their captain Beidou to have friends all around her. She might regain her memories in no time, with her sole attitude and friends alone. It made the young man with violet hair quite jealous. 

As for Kazuha, he only had Yun Jin to help him. Yun Jin remembers him solely because he used to always watch her opera performances. He has no memory of this, but it was good that Yun Jin managed to remember someone like him out of the thousands of faces she sees in the audience.

“Hm… I believe these are yours, Kaedehara!” Yun Jin passes him a bunch of sheets of paper. They were saved from the tsunami because they were covered with semi-transparent pocket sleeves. 

“These are…” Kazuha trailed off. “... Poems?”

“Haikus, precisely. You were a poet, I believe.” Yun Jin helps him confirm. “I heard you often came to my performances because you seeked inspiration.”

“.... I would’ve never imagined.. I don’t know if I can be just as artistic as I was back then…” Kazuha admits, seeing as he clearly isn’t as poetic as he was in the past. “My speech looks so refined… Too refined.. Did I always speak in poems..?”

“You were rather an artistic one.. These poems should belong to you, as the Crux frequently referred to you as their local ‘bard’ from Inazuma. I’m sure those are completely different things, though.”

Kazuha couldn’t believe he’d even write such flowery poems. The young man looked over his shoulder and read some of the poems himself. ‘Solitary cloud, shadow in the setting sun, stirs the drifter’s heart.’ It hurts to even read such complicated words.

Kazuha ended up finding a lot of his works on the table. He reckons it was the only thing he kept around the ship. As for the young man, he tried searching for anything that could be related to him. But as he waited, every single item started disappearing. They were being taken, all of them. The vases, the books, the clothes and the toys were slowly being taken away by others.

And all that remained on the table was a book.

Not even a book-- a diary. 

“... There’s only one item left. Is it yours?” Keqing offered the book to Kazuha. 

He shook his head. “No.. It’s not…”

He carefully examined the cover of the diary. It was a thick book with a hardcover in front. The pages have dried up from the water and the black ink was smeared all over the pages. Most of the writings are ineligible. But what Kazuha did notice was that the hardcover had a name on it.

WANDERER

That’s all it said. ‘This book belongs to: WANDERER ’

For some reason, there was an itching feeling in Kazuha’s heart. He might know who this book belongs to. Which is precisely why he immediately turned around and ran over to him. 

He handed over the book, asking excitedly, “Is this yours?!”

The young man examined the book handed to him. The brown cover was dusty and dark, so much so you could barely even read the name. He used his hand to swipe the dust off the cover. It said, ‘ WANDERER .’

“... This book.. is mine?”

“... It’s the only thing left. With a hardcover like this, I would’ve expected someone to take it by now.”

“What if it belongs to someone? It might not even be mine..”

“No one else picked it up yet. You didn’t retrieve anything either, so.. It must be yours!”

Qiqi always carried a notebook with her. The moment she opens and reads it, she suddenly regains some of her memories. So if this book truly is mine, then I should regain some memories in no time once I read the passages.

But even so, half of the book’s pages have been smeared and dried up. You can barely make up half of the things he used to write. He doesn’t even know if ‘Wanderer’ is his real name. He starts getting nervous, flipping through the dried pages that are just about to tear off. This book might not belong to him, but it felt right to hold.

Kazuha doesn’t care about getting his memories back, but this young man unquestionably does. He wants to know so badly because he’s worried about having absolutely no one important in his life.

“Are you worried about yourself again?” Kazuha asked, his head slightly leaning down.

“... Can you read minds or something?”

“I’ll stick with you. I’m sure you’re not alone if you have me.”

Save that line for someone else, idiot. 

“Yeah, I guess.” The young man admits, closing the book and smirking at Kazuha. “The entire time I was unconscious, you were in my room calling for me. You didn’t even know my name.”

Uncharacteristically, Kazuha suddenly blushed. He started walking out of the cafeteria with the young man, trying to speed walk. The young man felt it in his heart. He smirked again as he kept saying that fact over and over.

“... You were listening?! ” Kazuha groaned, his cheeks turning pink. 

“I did. Haha.” A sweet, awkward smile formed on his face. “Even when I was unconscious, it reassured me.”

Kazuha blinked in surprise. He never thought this young man could smile before. Before heading back into their rooms, Kazuha tried to compromise with him. This young man has been worrying about himself this entire time, yet he managed to reassure him before he fully woke up.

“If that’s the case, then…” Kazuha inhales before dropping him off. “Instead of worrying all by yourself, come join us for dinner and talk to everyone.”

“....”

“Okay? Wanderer?”

Wanderer blinks. He nods, then turns back to his room with the book. There’s no need to cry just as long as Kazuha’s with him. He’s now acquired his new name, though it could be someone else’s. It didn’t matter to him anymore.

As long as Kazuha was here, he didn’t need to worry.

.

.

.

He tried reading the first few pages of the book. Nothing. It was completely smeared by water and ink. That tsunami badly damaged his book. This book could’ve been precious to him in the past, so he felt deeply distraught about the damage. 

“... Sigh..” He felt sentimental. 

He tried to read some of the new pages, but he doesn’t exactly know when the writing stops. He notices that there are still empty pages at the back, which have mostly been destroyed.

“Ugh,” said Wanderer, pessimistic. “I can barely read any of this..”

He was able to understand one of the pages. On this particular page, it records the day of his birthday. He claims in the book that he wrote to a Traveler due to being pestered by a ‘Lesser Lord Kusanali.’ He isn’t sure if this ‘Lesser Lord’ is a friend or a co-worker. Then, he constantly complained about giving out gifts to people on his birthday, which didn’t seem out of character. Lastly, he joined a cooking interest group and made dishes that weren't to his liking.

So far, his personality has hit the mark. He felt as if he’s always been this way before. Even when he currently has amnesia, he had to laugh. He hasn’t changed at all.

Most of the pages constantly talked about this ‘Lesser Lord Kusanali.’ The Wanderer felt softness in his heart for this person. This person, most likely a little girl, has taken care of him for quite a while. She looks after him, it looks like. And the way he writes about her seems reluctant, but as he read more, he saw that he started writing nice things about her.

I really wonder how I let this little girl take care of me. But I don’t mind… After all.. She might be my only companion outside of the Crux. 

The more he read, the more smiles he cracked. He caught himself though, trying to remain composed as he carefully examined every word. 

Ah, there’s Kazuha’s name. He’s noticed he started mentioning him more often after his birthday page. There’s a few dried up, ineligible pages right after the birthday page, so one of them might’ve been a page when he met Kazuha.

‘Today I drew out my blade against Kazuha. We got into a fight. I told the Traveler it was stupid to meet up with him in the first place..’

“...?” The Wanderer wondered in the back of his mind. “What is this..?”

‘Lesser Lord Kusanali told me it’d be better for me to write my feelings out in a diary, but how can I take this seriously? Going to Inazuma was a mistake. I should’ve never come here. I should’ve never met up with Kazuha if I knew this was going to happen.’

This part concerned him. It was a sudden shift to the rest of the pages he’d written. The entire day goes by and rain starts pouring from outside his window. He closes the window and slides the curtains to cover the glass. 

“What does this mean…” The Wanderer questions. “Was I…. never on good terms with Kazuha?”

But that can’t be true. Judging from where this page was from, it must’ve been an entire year since this incident happened. Surely they should’ve gotten over themselves, right? But what kind of fight would resolve itself if they fought with blades?

These questions jumbled in his mind. He tried re-reading the page again. No doubt about it, he wrote these paragraphs with harsh, distraught and emotional feelings. 

His hand trembled. The next page seems to have a few dark spots leaking on the other. He must’ve written a whole lot on the next page. His fingertips reach the bottom corner of the page, ready to flip.

Flip. Flip it… You need to know… Your past.. everything.. It needs to be known. You’re not who you think you are, Wanderer. You’re… you’re…!

RIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIING!

“Uh--!” It’s the clock. It’s already time for dinner. So many hours have already passed. “... I should go.. I should. He’s waiting for me, after all..”

He’ll look at the book after dinner.

.

.

.

“Look who’s here..” Beidou looks over her shoulder, revealing the Wanderer. 

He ignores her and looks down at the Fleet members, who are sitting at one of the cafeteria tables. Kazuha is in the middle of them, purposely saving an empty spot for him. He smiles at him, as usual. It’s nice to see Kazuha smiling.

“... We were talking about something related to Sumeru. I think we may have frequently gone to Port Ormos.” sniggled Kazuha, who let the Wanderer come up to him. He’s still looking down.

The members watched nervously, waiting for the Wanderer to speak. It was to be expected, since to them, he always looks like he’s in a glum mood. But he surprisingly cocked his head up, looking right into their eyes. A bright aura surrounded him.

“... Wanderer?” Kazuha sweated a little, a bit worried. 

“... That time…” The Wanderer suddenly spoke. He has everyone’s attention. “... When we went to Devantaka Mountain..”

And they’re eyes widened. Every single one of them. Kazuha’s face flushed, almost breaking into laughter. The Wanderer nudged him roughly, as if to warn him. Kazuha grins sweetly as a reward. No doubt about it, the Wanderer can be awfully adorable. 

“What’s in Devantaka Mountain again? A lot of Kalpalata Flowers, right?” Kazuha recalled as he dragged the young man down on his seat.

The Wanderer sneered while looking away, “No. Obviously, it has to be that gigantic ruin guard morphed in the mountains.”

“Nearby is Port Ormos, so maybe we really did go…”

“We controlled the ruin guard for a bit…! Maybe..!”

“And we camped outside of it too.”

“And we ate a lot of mixed rice!”

Laughter filled the entire room. There was no doubt in their minds that this may have probably happened. As pirates, they must set sail a lot and go on tons of adventures. This ‘Lesser Lord Kusanali’ may have thought that the Crux would’ve been the best option to reside into, since they do all of this fun stuff.

It really did feel like… they went to Devantaka Mountain. And Ritou. Yaoguang Shoal. And the beach. 

And Guyun Stone Forest. Surely, they must’ve done something at Guyun Stone Forest.

There’s nothing to be afraid of, just as long as all of them are together. It doesn’t matter if they lost their memories, just as long as they’re alive. It’s okay as long as they have each other. The strongest, the best, the Crux Fleet family. 

… The strongest, the best, the Crux Fleet family! 

Tomorrow, they will be discharged. They will stay in a hotel in Liyue Harbor until the warship is fixed and brand new. 

Now, they needed to get their rest. They’ve all had their fun for tonight. It was a shame, since Beidou really wanted to have a drink. The hospital wouldn’t allow it, and you wouldn't dare disobey Dr. Baizhu’s orders.

Along the way, Kazuha suddenly asked as they were walking along the hallway. He asked curiously, “Do you think I can stay in your room for a bit?”

The Wanderer looked at him with blunt-looking eyes. He sighed, “The doctors won’t allow you to, you know?”

“I’m not saying I want to sleep over. I want to bring my poems over.” Kazuha suggests, stopping at the door of his room. “You’re pretty smart, so I figured you could decipher some of the meanings I put into my poems.”

“How should I know? You wrote them.” The Wanderer sternly stated, but he gave up immediately, as Kazuha would start bothering him about it if he refused. “Whatever. I’m right across the hall, okay?”

“Okay!” Kazuha smiled, as sweet as candy.

.

.

.

Knock, knock, knock… 

The Wanderer slid the door open with ease. The lights in his room were dark and only a night light shone within the shadows. Kazuha could only see the latter’s beautiful face. Everything in the background was just dark. 

“Hehe,” Kazuha chuckled, showing off some of the protected poems. “Here. I don’t quite get this one..”

“Come inside.”

The Wanderer let him in, closed the door from behind and immediately went straight to his bed. He wanted to read the book more, but he casted it aside to read some of Kazuha’s poems. The night light helped a copious amount.

“‘An ocean voyage,’” The Wanderer requotes, reading the haiku out loud. “‘As waves break over the bow, the sea welcomes me.’ Hm… So..”

“Since we’re pirates, I might’ve written this during one of our sailing trips?” Kazuha adds a thought, hypothetically speaking. “How about this one?”

The Wanderer grabs another one. “‘The rain stops and flows once you enter a home. The lamp once out, the cool stars enter, through the window’s frame.’ So… Yun Jin said you were the inspiration-finding type, so this could’ve been made while you were possibly staying inside a home.”

“Perhaps I was seeking shelter at the time? It says that the rain stops once you enter a home.. A temporary home..”

“... I’m starting to think that you were a wanderer.”

“Maybe. Or a ronin?”

“Maybe.”

Kazuha kept shuffling the poems around the bed. He made the Wanderer read from this one to that one, from that one to this one. The Wanderer gladly pieced together what Kazuha could’ve been like in the past, but he was naturally starting to get curious of his own too.

He could dream of a life that he had with Kazuha. He dreams of spending time with him, fighting alongside him, facing a crisis together with him, singing and humming to him… All of these imaginations made it feel so real.

Kazuha was laughing at some of the deductions the Wanderer made. It felt like he was discussing with an old friend. It helped his sanity a whole lot, since coming and awakening here.

After all, Kazuha was the first one out of all of the members to wake up.

If anything, he should be feeling the most depressed right now. But he’s not. 

He’s fine.

Someone from Inazuma might come for him. The doctors told him privately that some people from the ‘Yashiro Commission’ will retrieve him, specifically from the ‘Kamisato Estate.’ But that also means that Wanderer will be alone again.

“Hahaha… Kazuha, what is this?” The Wanderer wiped a tear away from laughing. He took one of them poems laying behind the stack of them. Kazuha tried to speak, but the Wanderer read it out loud first. “‘Do not despair because of suffering, for life is suffering. Suffering is also joy..’”

The change on the Wanderer’s face gradually became more and more and more… and more.. and more… sadder. 

“‘When life brings you suffering, hurt. When life brings you joy, laugh..’” The Wanderer paused to breathe in. “‘Tis not your fault, my friend. For my family is living in the past. Cling to nothing. For all is fleeting.’”

He looks down at the page.

“To - WANDERER”

……

No… no.. no.

That can’t be… What have I done? 

“W-Wanderer, that’s…” Kazuha tries taking the page. “Don’t worry, Wanderer. That’s.. I probably wrote it to you to help you, remember? The poem says that…”

The Wanderer didn’t speak. He desperately looked for his book again. He flipped through the pages. Kazuha leaned in to read some of it too. 

“Wanderer, please. Understand that it specifically said that you weren’t to be blamed for anything. I’m not sure what you did, since I don’t remember. But I obviously forgave you.” Kazuha tried to speak some sense into the young man. He still said nothing. “This isn’t to say that you’ve definitely done something. This might’ve been a cheer-up message! There’s no evidence that says anything derogatory about you.”

That page… Where’s that page..? 

“Wanderer.” Kazuha took his hands. The Wanderer blushed from the notion and stopped flipping the pages. He swatted his hands back. “Listen. Listen to me.”

The Wanderer exhales, feeling dizzy from the panic. It takes him a while to calm down. His voice is still shaky and he wants to cry, but he can’t. His body doesn’t want to. It’ll feel wrong. 

“I know. I know that you want to know more about your past. And I’m sure you already know..” Kazuha points his finger at the Wanderer’s non-existent heart. “That you weren’t exactly how you thought you were. That you may have done some things in the past. But that’s in the past. To me, that’s gone.”

“... Sigh….” He sighs heavily. 

“Whatever you have done, Kazuha from before already forgave you. Everyone in the Crux allowed you to stay.”

Kazuha doesn’t seem to understand the full picture, but to Wanderer, he felt… calm. Reassured, just like how he did when he woke up. His eyes softened, and he finally calmed down from the frenzy. He’s right. 

“We can start all over, alright?” Kazuha held his hand tightly. “... Let’s read the book slowly. Together. Is that okay?”

He pauses. His eyes droop down at the open book. The pages are already ineligible as they are, but with Kazuha’s help, he could probably decipher most of it. An exhale comes out of his mouth, and he reluctantly agrees. Kazuha nods along with him.

“... Then.. let’s do it.”

.

.

.

“And this page.. I don’t see her name anymore.” The Wanderer points out the names of the lesser lord and another girl. “I was starting to suspect that…”

“... They’re the same person?” Kazuha completed the thought. “Lesser Lord Kusanali and Nahida might be the same person. I imagine that Lesser Lord Kusanali might be the God of Wisdom in Sumeru, so Nahida must be her real name.”

“What? There’s no way…” The Wanderer responded in disbelief. “My companion is the Dendro Archon? How is that even possible? And I’m even referring to her by her real name now… We’re that close?”

“Isn’t that nice? She might be your family!”

Family… The Dendro Archon.. is a part of my family? 

“That’s…. Nice, I guess..”

“Yawn… I might have to head back soon, Wanderer..” Kazuha yawned as he stretched out his arms. “Hmm… You have a few pages left.. I can see a whole lot of writing on the next page. Maybe read the last ones and call it a day?”

The Wanderer affirmed, finally reaching the pages. He was still nervous. That last page indicated that he and Kazuha weren’t on good terms. But the next few pages were ineligible, so maybe they’ve already made up?

Kazuha convinced him that he definitely has. So what could the next pages even be?

His fingers reached the bottom page again. He wanted to flip it over immediately, but his fear prevented him from doing so. His skin started emulating sweat, the corners getting slippery. Isn’t it weird? That the last page is a whole lot of writing? The ink is leaking too. 

When did he write this? A year ago? It was frightening. Why does this page emulate… some sort of dark energy? It was so much more different than the others. He’s so nervous to flip the page. Isn’t it weird? The page looks so dark from behind.

He looks back at Kazuha, who smiles back at him when he notices. And so, the Wanderer takes a deep breath.

Whatever. It’s just a page. Here I come, Wanderer! Let me know more about you! 

Nahida… And whoever this Traveler is.. They’ll come for me soon. They’ll tell me who I am too! If I’m their friend, then maybe…!

Just maybe…!

Even if I don’t know who my mom or dad is.. I’m sure they were just as proud of my birth. Don’t I seem approachable? Don’t I look unique in my own way? If they managed to love me for how I was, then I’m not as lonely as I thought I was!

… That’s right. That’s right. That’s right. 

He flips the page.

…..

……..

‘How can I escape when I look exactly like her?

Everytime I touch that mark behind my neck, I feel sick. I can never escape from her. I can never be like everyone else.

I can never take back everything I did to Kazuha either. 

I’m a puppet who has no sense of self control. So why can’t I just die already?

You’re worthless! Worthless, worthless, worthless! 

You’re as useless as your mother!’ 

The entire page… 

Is covered with the word, ‘useless.’ 

With ink and handwriting as violent as ever. 

It was then, the Wanderer realized.. He was so much more different than he thought. He might not be the person he thought he was. 

The Wanderer is a suicidal, loveless, useless person.

Who pondered his mother’s whereabouts, who cursed his life to the Gods, who hated himself for being able to love others like Kazuha.

Kazuha looked at him to see if he was okay. He saw the Wanderer slowly lift up his delicate hand and shifted it to the back of his hair. He dragged the fingers down, as if he was searching for something.

His index finger reached to his nape, massaging the part that was directly in the middle.

His stomach pitted, and he nearly vomited green. He felt it. He felt it. It was…

It was a mark. An Electro symbol.

His eyes darted on the book. It was still covered in black ink. Violent words screaming from the pages. The Wanderer never went to the beach. He never went to Devantaka Mountain. It really didn't feel like he went to any of those places with the Crux Fleet. He was never happy.

It’s all ruined.

“... Wanderer…?” Kazuha murmured from across the dark room. “... Are you--”

The Wanderer used both hands and clapped the book closed. It made a loud ‘thud!’ sound. He so badly wanted to throw the book right out the window.

Instead, he sighs once again. 

He thought he had it all figured out. Everyone’s personalities, how they smiled, the way they quarreled with each other. And how great it felt to make up with each other afterwards. But they really had no idea.

Someone in Sumeru is waiting for him. Nahida is waiting for him. She can explain everything. But it seems that when she sent him off to the Crux, it ended up being a grave mistake.

“Urk…” he felt himself getting sick. “.... Kazu..ha..”

“What’s wrong?!” Kazuha immediately rushed over to his side.

The Wanderer kept his palm on his mouth. He might vomit any second. Strange, isn’t it? He’s not even human, yet he feels sick and wants to throw up. He could laugh if he wanted to, but if he did, all of the vomit would come pouring out. He exhales.

“.... What about.. that one time.. We went to the desert..?”

Kazuha fumbles his speech, almost close to shouting. “... What are you on about, Wanderer?! We need to call a doctor!”

“Haha…” He chuckles lightly. “Let me dream for a second. Please.”