Work Text:
Eighty miles in a pup truck
I was on my way to scrapin' off the cuffs
When Jason Todd was arrested the minute he set foot in Blüdhaven, he thought about throwing all to hell. The policeman in the front seat laughed out loud at the jokes he heard on the radio, and Jason wondered if going through the city was really worth it to get to Gotham. At that moment, the boy just rested his head on the back of the seat, taking a deep breath while he was still inside the car.
It wasn't his fault he got into trouble, and it wasn't his fault the other guy was an asshole. His left eye hurt, and he was pretty sure it was swollen, two fingers on his right hand were broken as they collided with the guy's face, anyway, at the end of the day, Jason Todd didn't regret hitting that abusive man to protect those girls.
Maybe he just wished the officer had arrested the right guy at the scene and not him. He opened his eyes again and soon noticed that the policeman was looking at him in the rearview mirror. He looked away from the car, trying to concentrate on how to escape this situation, he knew he couldn't reach the final destination, he couldn't meet him at that moment, he needed more time to think about things, everything was still very blurry, very angry, and definitely, very green .
“You know, you're too young to be in a car like that”. Rolling his eyes, Jason took a deep breath, turning his gaze to the rearview mirror. “You must be my son's age, he gets into trouble like that too”.
“So he's a good boy”. Jason grumbles, shifting in the seat.
“He is”. The cop retorted, lowering the car radio's volume. “You know, you look like someone I know. I mean, I don't really know, it's just…”
"Look, I don't care about that”. Todd cuts him off, preventing him from continuing the conversation. “So, officer ‘I really couldn’t care less about your name’, if you could tell me how to leave the police station without staying, I don't know, days inside of it, it would help me a lot, thank you”.
“Owens, and as I was saying…” Officer Owens keeps the smile on his face, ignoring everything Jason has said. “I don't know him well, in fact I've never met him in person, but I hear a lot from my partner, Officer Grayson. He showed me pictures of the boy, the hair, the eyes, and sure enough, the attitude, they remind me of you”. Jason was silent. Officer Grayson? Who knew... Dick Grayson really went deep with his plans to become a cop after leaving Gotham City. “The kid's his brother, well, he was. If he hadn't died, I could have sworn you were the same boy from those pictures”.
Had some stepped-on shit, so I did me some
And you and I, we talked over toast
"So I look like a dead boy?" Officer Owens's grimace says it all, and Jason smiles satisfied, if only the man knew everything.
“Well, that's not what I meant”. Owens stops at the next red light. “I can't tell you that I stopped you just for that, it’s not how things work around here. There are rules in the city, I can't let any citizen attack another and get away with it”.
“You know that asshole was nothing but trash”. Jason's words were full of venom, and he didn't think he would change his mind about that. “He was harassing those girls, he's lucky nothing else happened other than me breaking my fingers on his face”.
“He did some damage to you too”. Owens reminds him. “Don't think I didn't see your ribs when I put you in the car, you flinched when I touched your back”.
“Whatever”. Jason rolls his eyes for what seems like the thousandth time that night, he didn't want to make small talk with Officer Owens, much less get to the police station and run into Officer Grayson, no, that wasn't in his plans yet . “Look, don't take this the wrong way, but if this is a good cop, bad cop situation, I don't feel like meeting either one”.
“Look, kid…” Owens starts again. “You need to help me here. You have no identity, no backstory, no one to call, you're really making this difficult for me”. The policeman stops the car again. “We're getting there. You can either collaborate with me or collaborate after spending time behind bars, it's up to you”.
Mm, rediscussin' everything we know, we know
Then you got into my car and I drove you home
"Would you drop it if I said I don’t want any of those options?" Jason asked, even though he knew the answer to that question. “Don't get me wrong, really , you're a nice guy, but I'm far from home, trying to get there, and you're kind of in my way”.
"Going home, then." Owens lets out, making Jason snort. "How old are you, kid? Eighteen? You look like eighteen”.
“Nineteen”. Jason said back, realizing that there would be no point in not answering Owens's questions, if he could just stick with this cop and not Richard Grayson, which, despite never admitting aloud, Jason still didn't want to meet him, neither felt prepared for that.
“Nineteen”. Owens lets out low. "Nineteen is a good age, thinking about college?"
“Why?” Todd asked. "Will you make sure the accusations don't tarnish my name ?"
"And do you have any names to tarnish?" The officer replies. "Not that I know of, you never told me”. Jason laughed. For the first time in days, the cop knew what he was doing, perhaps one of the few who didn't fall for the delusion of corruption.
“If this is your attempt at my name, I'd say it was pretty clever”.
“But?”
“But it won't happen, man, I'm sorry”. Jason looks away at the handcuffs on his hands, how would he get out of there? “I'm nobody”.
“Nobody”. Owens repeats. "Is this some kind of poetry? You look like that type. Or would it be nobody like John Doe?”
“What?”
“John Doe it is”. Jason turns his gaze to the man, he has now taken his radio in hand, exchanging one last look with the passenger in the back seat, before pressing the button. “Grayson, do you copy?" It took a few seconds, and at that moment, Jason felt like his heart was going to explode, almost like if he wanted to get out of there immediately, he tried not to show that to Owens, but figured he would need to change his plans if he couldn't avoid the police station.
“ Copy, Owens” . The voice of Richard Grayson, or as everyone knew him, Dick, echoed through the closed car, making thousands of memories run through Jason's head. “Are you needing help?”
“Yes”. Owens responds. “I have a boy here, I found him in that bar near the end of the town, looks like one of your cases”. Jason remains silent, listening to Owens as the cop talks about how he found Todd, what he looks like, and how he refuses to talk about things. “I need help with this case, I won't be able to stay late today”.
“ Sure, Owens, meet me at the station ”.
Oh, salvation with a pump fake
Oh, a fuckin' band is where I put my faith
Upon arriving at the police station, Owens pulled him out of the back of the car and into a secluded room. Jason's heart raced as if he were the same kid spending his first Christmas in a huge mansion, with his new father and the butler he grew up with and learned he was like his grandfather, who would always be with you for whatever you needed. And then Jason realized that nervousness was bullshit.
What would Talia Al Ghul think of him if she saw him now? Nervous, afraid to meet a single man, afraid to face the past? Maybe if Talia saw him now, saw him as pathetic as he was, she would never have considered letting him out of Nanda Parbat, maybe she would have trained him more, filled his head with more and more news about the new Robin, or how Bruce had moved on with his life.
Jason felt angry about that. He remembers being angry about it for days, without having the slightest perspective on the future. He'd have to rethink all plans, and had to lose sight of everything he'd craved since emerging from the Lazarus pit in Talia's arms. But deep down, Jason felt scared, he felt abandoned, and most of all, he felt alone. Because, at some point during those months with Talia Al Ghul, during his training with Ducra, Jason just felt like something was missing from his life.
Despite spending his days with Damian, learning the local language and reading various works of classic literature to the boy. Jason wanted more, he wanted to be seen again, he wanted Bruce to see him and know he had failed him, he wanted Dick Grayson to have the same ridiculous smile he always had every time he saw him, most of all he wanted to have tea with Alfred one last time.
And after that, he would disappear for good. However, things don't always work out the way they should, or the way you want them to. Jason Todd learned this the hard way and in the worst possible place, Ethiopia is one of the places that would always be on his mind, and branded on his chest, as the Lazarus Pit would heal all minor wounds and a catatonic brain, but would never heal an autopsy scar.
"Owens, are you sure this kid is going to talk?" Jason could hear Dick's vague and tired voice outside the room Owens had placed him in. He thought about ceasing all thoughts of his old plans, because he was going to see Dick Grayson, and this was happening and it was happening now. Revenge on his own terms was no longer within Jason's control, and he would need to get around that one way or another.
But I ain't no servant to a man with a green, green face
“I'm sure he’ll talk to you, Grayson”. Owens continues. “I’m sorry for this, but it has to be you” . Owens’s words were confused, and somehow Jason figured maybe Owens wasn’t a fool, and even though he didn’t believe in the afterlife as he implied in the car, somehow Todd knew he understood.
When Officer Grayson walked into the room, holding a clipboard and a bag of what looked like a burger, Jason almost didn't want to look at the man's face. He knew at that moment that Dick was trying to buy his lines, playing the good cop, but Owens had already done that, so it was unnecessary for Dick to keep up this same little game. Anyway, Jason wouldn't give him that kind of credit, Dick Grayson hated him at first, and maybe, he still does.
“Alright, kid, I hope I have more luck with you than Owens did”. Dick sat on the other side of the table, facing the figure of Jason, who now had placed his hood over his head, as if trying to hide his identity, not that it would help, it didn’t help at all . "I'm not going to start with: 'What's your name?’ Because I know you won't answer that".
"Well, it seems you're not an idiot anymore". If Dick noticed Jason's way of speaking, almost as if he knew him, maybe Grayson had kept that information to himself.
“So…” Grayson continues. “Let's try another way, are you hungry?” The cop pushes the bag with the burger forward, in the bag, there's something that makes Jason laugh. The logo of a branch called “Bat Burguer” was stamped on it, and this is what brings the biggest laugh in the boy, making him put his hand over his mouth to stop himself from laughing again. “What’s wrong with it?”
"Did they really make a Bat Burger?" For the first time, Jason meets Dick’s eyes. "Did you bring me a Robin nugget?" Todd opens the bag, seeing the way Dick's eyes analyzed it. "Dude, if you don't have a Robin nugget in here, I swear, I won't say a word to you”.
"So, you like Robin?" Dick asked, as if he was talking to a stranger, even with his voice cracking with familiarity.
“Not much, the shorts don’t impress me”. Jason lets go, pulling the french fries from inside the bag and starting to eat, if he was already in that situation, he wouldn't deny food, mainly because he hadn't eaten anything in that bar before the fight. "Like, what was the bat's problem? Didn't he have enough fabric to make a pair of pants?”
Trantwood and a fat lip
Put on the cuffs and heard that Mike got bit
"Now he wears pants, maybe Batman has learned”. Dick lets out loud, making Jason look at him, he knew Tim wore pants now, probably the best of the boy's uniform, not that Jason had had all this time to think about Tim Drake. “There are no Robin nuggets in there, but there is a bat burger deluxe in there, which might equal what I couldn't give you”.
“Nothing equals Robin nuggets, man”. Jason retorts. “You should value yourself more. How is this going to work? Are you going to play good cop too?”
"Would you want the bad cop?"
“I think you and I both know you're not the bad cop”. Jason answers him, seeing the way that makes Dick uncomfortable. "Is there someone behind those glasses? Or can we talk in codenames here?” Grayson turns to the glasses, as Jason referred to, the fake mirrors in the room, and at that time, Dick knew that the station was practically empty, and none of the officers there care much about a teenager getting into fights.
"What kind of codenames?" Dick asked. "Are we making up codenames just so you can keep your name a secret?"
“The patrol kind”. Jason answers simply. “Like I said, we know you can't be the bad cop, not dressed like that. In plain sight, you've always preferred to be the good cop”.
"You talk as if you knew me". Grayson says, making Todd shrug. Dick is silent for a few seconds, watching him take a bite of the burger in his hands, the boy ate as if he had never seen food, which in fact, was the reality, it had been many hours since Jason had eaten anything.
"So, what if I did?" Jason asked. "Would you recognize me by now?"
“You introduced yourself to Owens as John Doe”. Dick informs him. “Or, like nobody. You said you were going home, and didn't want to be stopped”.
“Yes and yes”. Jason replied, abandoning the burger on the table. "Anything else I can clear up for you, Officer Grayson?"
"Why Bludhaven?" The cop asked. “How did you get here? Where are you going? How can I help you?” Jason waited a few seconds, he always knew Dick asked several questions before letting the person answer.
“I'm passing through, the final destination is Gotham”. Dick nods, writing something down on his clipboard. Grayson sat awkwardly in the chair, and if Alfred saw him, he would be sure to scold him for his posture. “I think that answers the first and third question, the fourth, honestly? You can help me by letting me go, I don't care about credentials or a dirty name, good luck looking for a name to dirty”.
"Okay..." Dick looked confused for a minute, like he still had that flea behind his ear. Jason imagined that his brother's head was a mess, the boy right in front of him, looked a lot like the boy he lost years ago if life had given him the opportunity to keep living. “How did you get here?”
"So I was driving through the mountains, and my tires blew out and…" Jason started the story, he wasn't lying, for the first time since leaving Arabia, he was being 100% honest, maybe because Dick Grayson would never believe a dead boy could talk, or drive, or even be sitting in front of you. “I had to walk a couple of miles up to this town, and I was all alone and it was cold”. Dick stared at him, momentarily lost in his own thoughts. “And I know it sounds weird, but it felt like… It felt like death was following me”. Dick swallowed hard, without saying another word, and wrote a few more things on his clipboard, before looking back at Jason, who had lowered his hood. “So, tell me Officer Grayson, you made eye contact with me when Owens came in and dragged me here”. Jason moved his hands quickly, fiddling with the cuffs, while keeping Dick entertained with the vision of something that for a long time, was no longer here. “You looked at me, and in that moment you saw something you couldn't explain, and here's a question for you: How long do we have until your father gets here?”
A fuckin' copper wouldn't tell me anything
"I…" Dick composed himself for a minute. "So, passing through the city, on route to Gotham, how do you plan to do that?" In a simple movement, Jason lifted the loose handcuffs towards Grayson, who took them and didn’t move to stop the kid in front of him, who, despite being released, hadn’t moved. "What do you intend to do?"
“I intend to go to Gotham”. Jason responds. “I don't intend to meet the bat that's hurrying this way, or the little bird that's following his cape through the streets of Gotham these days. I definitely don't want recognition, or questions like: ‘How is this possible?’ Or the DNA tests to confirm what I already know”. Todd straightens up, leaning in for a moment. "So, Dick, this might be your only opportunity to look at me before I fuck everything up. Are you going to stop imagining I'm just some idiot who hit some asshole in the street, or are you going to start asking questions that really matter?”
"Are you really who you appear to be?" Dick asks after a while, shaking and crying out for the answer, Jason opens a smile, nodding in agreement.
“Perhaps, I have been in the past”. Todd responds. “I mean, the boy you knew died in Ethiopia, he's not coming back. I made sure that would never happen when I protected an innocent boy in Nanda Parbat. What's the next question?”
“You are somebody”. Dick establishes. “John Doe, at first I thought it might be an anagram for something else, but…”
“Jason Todd”. The boy says rough, making Dick's breath hitch for a moment. The cop stared at him in surprise, almost as if he would disappear if Grayson didn't keep his gaze on him. "I don't think you've forgotten. If so, the problem is entirely yours. John Doe is a name that works when you're dead. No one looks at you, no one stops you on the street because your father is rich, and you definitely don't make it to the biggest headlines in the Gotham Gazette simply for sleeping at a gala”.
"Jason..." Dick finally relents, taking a deep breath as if he's going to choke on the next word. “Jay… How long… Why… I'm sorry”.
“Dick”. Jason speaks firmly, giving space for the man to cry for the boy who would not come back. “I don't know how long, I don't know how it happened either. Some things just happen, and you need to learn to work around it and keep living”.
“How…”
“She told me I woke up in the coffin”. Jason continued, not letting Dick ask again. “She said I woke up inside and dug my way out of that coffin”.
In tidewater, I was comatose
That's when I knew that gaudy wave was just a choke
“She told me I walked around in a catatonic state until she found me”. Jason's voice sounded low, and for a moment, he thought about keeping silent until the arrival of whoever Dick was waiting for. Would it be worth seeing him now? Would it be worth throwing all his plans into the air, and simply listening to him? Taking a deep breath, the boy continued. “I got mugged, I fought with my last urges and got the worst out of it, when I tried to run away I got run over, she told me I called for him but nobody knew who I was, and I had fucked up my fingerprints in that explosion and ended up screwing them more digging that wood”.
“Who is she?” Dick asked, wiping the tears. "Who is she and why didn't she bring you back?"
"Back where?" Jason asked, but continued, trying not to think of any defense Dick would have for Bruce. “Talia Al Ghul got me out of the hospital, and she was the one who stayed with me for months before dropping me into the Lazarus Pit. Here's the thing Dick, I did things there that the guy coming over here would never approve of and…”
“He wouldn’t care”. Dick snapped. “He won't care about anything but the boy sitting in front of me”.
“The boy sitting in front of you is a murderer, Grayson”. Todd continues. “I killed thousands to defend an innocent kid, thousands to defend myself, and most of all, I killed the kid you once knew. I'm not the same person I was before, and I didn't come back to Gotham with good intentions”.
And so I quit another job and I hit the road
"Jay..." Dick stands up immediately, making Jason cringe in his chair. The cop walks up to Jason, pulling him into a hug, and for a moment, maybe the last, Jason accepts the act of affection coming from the guy he once called his brother. Not because Dick needed it, but because Jason needed it more than he did. “I'm really sorry. I wasn't there, I wasn't at the funeral, I didn't know, and…”
“You didn’t know?” Jason moves away, staring at Dick who was now very close to him. "What do you mean you didn't know?"
“I wasn't here”. Dick answers, not clarifying many things. “I was on a mission off earth, with the Titans, I found out on that damn ship that you had died, because the current Robin's files said “Deceased”, so when I came back from the mission, he didn't call me, he didn't say anything. I needed to go to the mansion and…”
“This is so fucked up”. Jason says irritably, making Dick keep his grip tight on his arms.
“Listen me”. Dick continues. “When I arrived, I saw one of the worst things a son can see of his father. A grieving father, completely pissed off at himself, and Jason, I swear, that broke me, it would break anyone, you want to know why?” Jason let go of the Dicks grip, ignoring how desperate he looked, what was he trying to prove? What was Jason trying to prove? “Because, when I lost my parents, I had something that people called me, an orphan, Bruce had nothing, nobody knows what to call a father who loses a child and that…”
“Dick”. Jason calls him. “I'm leaving here now. You can try to stop me, and I guarantee you, you won't succeed”. Todd starts to straighten the chair he was sitting on, facing Dick one last time. “I'm not going to see Bruce until the right time, and you're not going to make me give up what I came to do”.
"And what did you come to do?" Dick replied, keeping his posture firm, Jason thought at that moment: who was he kidding? If he saw Bruce, everything else would instantly disappear, and he couldn't let that happen. "What are you here for? Why go back to Gotham if you don’t want to see him?”
“Why do you care?”
“Because you're my brother and I…” Jason holds out his hand, indicating for Dick to stop talking.
“Your brother died, Dick”. Todd snapped, walking to the door. “And I've never been here, and you just talked to a ghost”.
Oh, damnation in a full sprint
See, I was never shown a way to handle this
But I ain't no servant to a man drеssed in politics
Leaving the police station was the easiest thing in the world. There weren't any cops in sight, and the few who were at their desks weren't interested in whether or not Officer Grayson had let the guy Officer Owens brought in go or not. Either way, Jason wasn't going to let any of them stop him from leaving, and so he did.
The moment his feet hit the streets of Blüdhaven again, Jason knew Dick Grayson was behind him. Not in that stupid strip suit, but he was after him. His night could have been a thousand times better if he'd just kept to himself. He would have seen that ridiculous scene, that drunken idiot man, and would have just been silent. No hitting the guy, no being arrested by the police, where he wouldn't have seen Dick Grayson. The truth is, everything that happened tonight happened for a reason.
Jason might not be sure now, maybe not even when Dick stops sneaking up behind him and finally stops him. What Jason knew was that he needed to get out of there before Dick convinced him that all his convictions — so far — were wrong, because if there was one person who could do that, that person was without a doubt, Dick Grayson.
So Jason followed, thinking how drastically his plans would have to change now that Dick Grayson knew he was alive. How will the Red Hood project shape up after that? How is he going to get back to Gotham without Dick opening his mouth to Bruce? How is he going to make Bruce understand if Dick is caught in the crossfire? This all sucked, and Jason figured he really should have been silent during his stay in that bar.
“Hey!”
I saw you comin' with the gun in your hands
I can't want this, I can't want this
“I don't want to know, Dick”. Jason stops momentarily, without turning around. He didn't need to look at him to know it was him, he didn't need to measure efforts to know anything, just that he needed to get out of there. “I don’t want to know anything. I…”
“What do you plan to do?” Dick asked, ignoring what Jason would say. “Kill him? Killing Bruce won't bring you any peace, no matter how much shit Talia Al Ghul had put in your head about…”
"Don't talk about her like that”. Todd snapped. “And no, I don't plan on killing Bruce, let alone that piece of shit. I’m going to tell you a secret, Dick”. Jason turns to his brother, Dick had a lost look on his face, maybe even tired, his cell phone was in his hands, and Todd imagined he was holding Bruce on the other end of the line, not that either of them would admit it. “I forgive him for not saving me, for not being there in time, but why? Why is he still alive? Because he's not going to kill the Joker, but I'm not going to give him a choice, Dick. It's me or him , he needs to decide”.
“This is wrong, Jason”.
"This is justice!" Jason yelled out into the empty street, ignoring how many people might poke their heads out of their apartments to see the two of them fight. “He left me! And I can't even blame him for replacing me, because after a long time, it's unfair to the kid!”
"He LOST you!" Dick snaps aggressively, walking a few steps, dropping his phone in the process. “And he mourned you, come home”.
“I can't go back, Dick”. Jason turns again, almost as if to survey the scene around him, imagining that any moment he would show up, he would show up and ruin all of his plans . "You don't know what I've become, nothing but anger and hate and…" Jason took a deep breath, trying to calm down, trying not to hit Dick to make him pass out long enough for him to get the hell out of there as quickly as possible.
“We can fix this, Jason”.
"I CAN FIX THIS!" Dick flinched at Jason's sudden change in mood. Dick took a deep breath, taking confident steps towards Jason, until he was face to face with the younger boy. “I know what to do now. And nothing you say here will make me change my mind”.
“Come back home”. Dick tries again. “We miss you. Let us help”.
"How's Alfred?" Jason asks after a while, takes a deep breath, calms down for a while before looking at Dick, waiting for the answer.
“He misses you, we all do.
I saw you comin' with a bag of demands (I saw you comin')
I can't want this (Can't want this)
I can't want this (Can't want)
For a moment, everything was silent, and Jason figured it was over. He looked at Dick one more time, before turning around and starting to walk again. He didn't know if Dick would follow, he just knew he needed to get out of there. And that's how he ended up in the same bar where he was arrested, and that's how the worst night of his life ended. Dick Grayson had that essence, that point of genuine happiness, that made any bad thoughts disappear, any negativity ceased to exist.
Crossing paths with Dick Grayson before arriving in Gotham is perhaps what changed his plans. Maybe, he needed to rethink about his choices, maybe go back to Nanda Parbat, and not accept a no about Damian, maybe go back with the boy to Gotham, maybe finally go home , leave everything behind. He took a deep breath, staring at the counter, ignoring the drink that was poured into his glass, even though he hadn't ordered any of it.
When he looked back up, he noticed something different at the bar. The seat next to him was now occupied by someone, he didn't need to look to know who it was, one thing you couldn't deny, Dick Grayson was a pushy motherfucker. And maybe, that's what kept that family together all these years, I mean, not that he was there all of them, wasted some time, but you can imagine that Dick kept them together.
I crawl to somеthin' with an eye full of plans
I'm not helpless, I'm not helpless (I need to, I need to)
"Has anyone ever told you that you're persistent?"
“Comes with the charm”. Dick says with a laugh, and then, he gently places an object on top of the counter, Jason almost loses his composure when he sees the same handcuffs that Owens used earlier. “I think you forgot that at my station”.
“Did I? I could have left it there on purpose?”
"So that means you wanted me to follow you”. Jason laughed out loud, glaring at the brunette next to him. “What? You just said that”.
"I didn't say anything, asshole”. Todd shakes his head, yes, definitely, Dick Grayson changed everything , and for the first time, Jason found himself without choices and mostly without plans. "What are you doing here, Dick?"
"Did you think I'd let my brother…" Dick looked at him calmly. “That I just found out was alive, wandering around my city, when I can help and trouble him?”
"I was hoping so”. Dick shakes his head laughing.
"Look, I'm not asking you to go straight to the manor and…" Grayson looks at him calmly. “And live like nothing ever happened, because… Yeah, it's going to be hard to do that, but at least spend a night at my apartment, let me try to make it work, you're not alone”.
I'm not the victim if I don't take a stand
I can't want this, I can't want this (I need to)
Jason stared at him like he was crazy. And maybe, Richard Grayson really was crazy, a crazy person who would never give up on his family, and well, Jason wasn't ready to throw it all away and give up on that either. He could spend a few days with Dick, and then go back for Damian , no matter what Talia said, yeah, he could do that, for a few days, and after that, maybe… Maybe he could go home, everything would be on track.
“How’s that sound?”
“Yeah, that could work, Dick”.
I can't want this, I can't want this