Work Text:
It’s a well-kept industry secret. His agent passes on the information discreetly once he has a part, and meetings are set up with each new director so they can talk about it. He also lets the cast know, and figures out a plan with whomever he ends up closest to.
Justin shrugs when Andrew tells him about it, says, "It’s not the weirdest thing I’ve ever heard."
Armie gapes while Max says, "You turn into a cat?"
"Only sometimes." Andrew hates the gaping part.
Jesse just looks at him curiously. "What kind of cat?"
"I — um." Andrew has never been asked that before. "Brown and white tabby? I have markings kind of like my hair," he gestures to his head, "and brown stripes." He tries to indicate his back and his tail.
"Okay," Jesse nods. "Shorthair, right?"
"Yeah." Andrew knows, right in this second, that he and Jesse are going to be excellent friends.
The thing is, it happens randomly. Sometimes it’ll be years, sometimes a few months. He’s had plenty of jobs it didn’t disrupt, and only a handful where he had to take the day off. His best mate from home laughs sometimes and says, "You’re the only person in the world who can call in cat to work."
Rehearsals go well. Andrew reads the script over and over, annotating his copy. He and Jesse go out to dinner and talk about their characters, go over lines in the car, and Andrew starts feeling a connection to Eduardo. He knew the first time he read for the part that he’d have to play him in love with Mark, and the thing is, the thing is, it’s going to be the easiest thing in the universe.
Jesse warned him early on about his anxiety, so the first time he has a panic attack the night before a big scene, Andrew just heads over to his room. They sit on the bed, and Andrew holds him while he shakes and pours his insecurities into Andrew’s chest. He doesn’t say anything, just keeps a tight hold and kisses Jesse’s hair whenever the anxiety spikes. The tempest winds down after a while, until Jesse is just dry sobbing. Andrew gently places his hands either side of Jesse’s face, tilts his head until their eyes meet, and says, "You’re brilliant. You have nothing to worry about."
"Did you not hear what I just said —"
"I heard it." Andrew stares him down, running his thumb over Jesse’s cheekbone. "I just don’t believe it. I’ve seen you, I’ve worked with you, you’re amazing. It’s okay." He wills it to make a difference.
Jesse stares back at him, and his voice is cracked as he says, "Thanks."
"I mean it. I’m also not leaving until you’re okay, and it’s no use pretending. Come here." He takes his hands from Jesse’s face so he can hug him, and Jesse wraps his arms around Andrew’s shoulders. He holds on just as tight as Andrew is holding on to him.
They lie down side by side, talking about things that aren’t the shoot or acting or anxiety. Jesse absently plays with Andrew’s fingers as he talks, lacing and unlacing them with his, and Andrew wants so badly to just roll over and kiss him. There are so many reasons he can’t, so he doesn’t.
He wakes up the next morning with his face pressed into Jesse’s shoulder, still in his clothes, on top of the blankets. He just lies there for a minute, looking at Jesse’s eyelashes, until he’s properly awake and the alarm goes off.
Jesse smiles when he sees Andrew, and stretches. "Thanks, for last night," he says, and Andrew is not at all wishing that this were the morning after they’d had sex. He absolutely does not want to kiss a line up Jesse’s jaw. None of that, he tells his brain, hoping fervently that Jesse has not noticed the morning erection lying less than an inch from his thigh.
Unfortunately, Jesse at that moment stretches, which moves the thigh near Andrew’s crotch; moves it, in fact, so it brushes against Andrew’s crotch. Jesse freezes, then laughs.
"Shut up," Andrew hits him with a pillow.
"No, it’s cool, I’ve gone one too," and Jesse rolls on top of him like they’re wrestling.
Andrew sucks a breath in, because Jesse’s dick is rubbing against his. Through their clothes, but it still feels far too good. Jesse stops moving. Their faces are inches apart, Andrew doesn’t want to stop looking at Jesse’s mouth, shit, they can’t do this, they can’t.
"Um," Jesse’s voice has hardly any sound in it, "we work together."
"Yeah," Andrew tries to nod. He can’t actually move, though. "It would be — it would be very unwise."
Their faces are a little closer. "So unwise," Jesse agrees, a whisper now. His head is tilting, Andrew’s instinctively tilting the opposite way. Jesse’s mouth is open, he could — he could just —
The phone rings. Andrew doesn’t notice the noise at first, and given that Jesse only jumps when their mouths are a few fucking millimetres apart, he probably didn’t notice it at first either. Fortunately — unfortunately — so unwise — Jesse jumping knocks their mouths together and Andrew kisses him because fuck.
They break apart after a second. Jesse answers the phone. Andrew rolls off the bed and finds his shoes.
He jerks off in the shower, back in his room, and then gets dressed. Jesse is in the breakfast room when Andrew gets there, eating toast. "Hi," he says.
"Hi," Andrew replies, and grabs some toast for himself. "Listen," he says, "I’m sorry, about that. I shouldn’t have kissed you."
"No, it’s — it’s okay. Just — maybe when the shoot’s over, I could take you out to dinner?"
Andrew has slept with a few of his co-workers in his time, and he’s been trying not to think about what Jesse might want. If it was just sex — well, obviously, he wouldn’t say no — but Jesse wants more than just sex, or maybe he’s the kind of guy who goes on a date with someone before he sleeps with them. Andrew will take it. "Yeah, that’d be great."
Jesse is smiling this really soft, lovely smile. Andrew wants so much to kiss him again, right now, lick the jam off the corner of his lip. "Great," Jesse says, and takes another bite.
He’s nervous in the scene, and at first it shows. The fourth time David shouts cut, Andrew walks over to Jesse and reaches for his hand.
"Hey," he says, finding eye contact. "You’re doing great."
"I’m fucking up!" Jesse protests.
Andrew squeezes his hand. "You can do this, okay? I know it feels like it’s impossible, but try to find some way to relax."
"I don’t — I need a cat, is there a cat around? Purring helps."
Andrew steps up close, wraps his arms around Jesse’s waist and lays his head down on his shoulder. He purrs softly, something he taught himself to do as close to cat-like as possible when he was five and liked hiding under his bed and freaking his mum out. Jesse’s arms come around to circle his back, and he can feel Jesse’s neck relax. Andrew rocks them very slightly, back and forth with his purrs.
"That is the cutest thing I’ve ever seen," someone says, deadpan. Andrew lifts one hand to give them the finger.
"Thanks," Jesse whispers, and Andrew stops purring. He untangles himself and smiles.
"That’s what friends are for," he says, walking back to his mark. David shouts action again, and Jesse is much better this time. They try out different things in different takes, and after another fifty Jesse shoots a frightened look at Andrew. He purrs loudly across the room, and Jesse smiles.
Of course, because it’s been two years and every time it’s that long Andrew hopes it’s finally gone away, it happens on this shoot. The universe is kind to him this time; he wakes up on his day off and the bed is enormous and he can see his tail.
He jumps off the bed, runs into the bathroom, and jumps up to balance precariously on the toilet. He always keeps the seat down and the lid up, wherever he’s staying, because he’s learned how to position himself so he can use the toilet without falling in or missing. He pees, then jumps to the floor, to the surface the sink is set in, then onto the cistern and pushes with one of his back legs until the toilet flushes.
He fell asleep the night before with his phone out, since he and Jesse were texting. He finds it on the bed, carefully extends the claws on one paw and taps the buttons until it calls Jesse.
When he picks up, Andrew meows. There is a pause, and Jesse says, "I’ll be there in two minutes."
Jesse turns up looking like he dressed in a hurry. "Are you okay?"
The thing about Jesse is, he speaks cat. Andrew usually types the things he wants to say, but he knows he can just let his body talk and Jesse will get it. He nods and thumps his tail once.
Jesse smiles. "Well, yeah, apart from being a cat, I mean." He sits down on the bed and flops onto his back. "You’re really cute and all, but I could’ve done with some Andrew-hugs today," he sighs, digging the heels of his hands into his eyes.
Andrew climbs onto Jesse’s chest, settling down so it won’t hurt, and bats at Jesse’s hands until he stops assaulting his eyes. When Jesse looks at him, Andrew starts purring. Jesse smiles.
"I guess there are advantages," he says. "I just — I’m only in one scene today but I know I’ll mess it up and David will get mad and they’ll fire me and —"
Andrew cuts him off by batting at him. He shakes his head, then leans over to rub his ears against Jesse’s chin.
"Thanks," Jesse sighs, stroking down his back. "Oh, wow, you’re soft. Um, and thanks for always believing in me."
Andrew nuzzles his chin. Jesse’s silent for a while, playing with Andrew’s paws. "Okay," he says at last, "time for breakfast."
He orders plain boiled chicken and some muffins, and Andrew hides under the bed when the room service guy arrives. Jesse puts the plate of chicken out on the bed once they’re alone again, and Andrew jumps up and starts eating.
"Oh, hey," Jesse licks some crumbs from the corner of his mouth, "do you need something to drink?"
Andrew nods, and Jesse ends up rinsing the chicken plate once he’s done and filling it with water. Andrew laps as neatly as is possible when the only thing you have to get water into your mouth is a scooping motion with your tongue. He manages not to get any on himself.
"Do you want to come in with me today?" Jesse asks, as they’re finishing up. He takes the plates and drops them onto the desk. "I don’t know what your plans were, but, uh, I figure you might be bored here on your own."
Andrew nods vigorously and purrs at him. Jesse smiles. "Okay, do you want to just jump into the car, or do you have a carrier?"
Andrew jumps to the floor and drags his fleece-lined bag from the other side of the bed. It’s big enough for a grown cat to curl up in comfortably. Jesse arranges it open, and Andrew steps into it.
He sits in the open bag on the passenger seat of Jesse‘s car; it has the seatbelt around it, and if needed he can curl up fast and the fleece would cushion any impact. He spends half of the journey sitting with his tail curled around his paws, and the rest in a ball because Jesse is a terrible driver.
He hits him with his tail when they’ve arrived and Jesse opens the door to pick the bag up. "Sorry," he says, and then they head over to the makeup trailer.
Andrew sits on the counter while Jesse has his makeup done. Armie walks in bearing four cups of coffee, two in each hand; he gives one to each of the makeup artists, one to Jesse, then walks back out. When he returns a minute later, he has one for himself. "Whose is the cat?" he asks, when Andrew meows hello.
"It’s Andrew," Jesse says, head tilting. The makeup artist is almost finished.
"Hold still," she says, and Jesse does.
Armie does a double take. "No way. Andrew?" He leans closer, until Andrew can smell the coffee on his breath.
"Mrarrw," he replies, nodding. Armie blinks rapidly.
"Woah," he says. "Uh — hi."
Justin walks in. "Hey everyone," he smiles, looking tired.
"Hey — Justin, it’s Andrew." Armie gestures to Andrew, who nods and meows hello to Justin.
"Oh," Justin nods, "right. Hey." He gives a wave, and sits down in his seat.
"Armie." Jesse doesn’t move his head. "Please stop treating him like a circus freak."
"Oh — shit, I didn’t mean, I’m sorry," Armie blushes slightly, backing off. He sits down, sips his coffee, and says, "Sorry," again.
Andrew trills. "He says it’s okay," Jesse informs Armie.
"How do you know?" Justin asks.
Jesse shrugs. "I have a lot of cats. After a while, you start to speak their language."
There follows a debate on whether cats have a language, which Andrew keeps trying to join in. Three of the makeup artists, Jesse’s hairdresser and Justin all insist that Andrew can talk because he’s not really a cat, he’s just in the body of one for a day. (This takes some explaining to the makeup and hair team, which Andrew wishes they hadn’t done, but it’s not like he can stop them.) Jesse, Armie and the remaining team insist that cats do talk, they just don’t speak any human language, "Which makes sense," Jesse adds, "since they’re cats."
Andrew purrs in his direction.
When Jesse is ready, he heads out to wardrobe, Andrew trotting along at his heels. He sits patiently in the main room of Jesse’s trailer while Jesse gets into his costume, then they head off to the set.
"Hey, who let the cat in here?" one of the runners yells, as Andrew weaves around people’s legs.
"He’s with me," Jesse says. "He’s fine, I talked to David."
The aforementioned David sighs when he sees Andrew. "At least we don’t need him today," he says. "You’ll stay out of the way of the scenes, won’t you?"
Andrew meows. He’s insulted, if he’s honest; just because his body is that of a cat’s today, doesn’t mean he’s suddenly not a professional. Jesse mutters, once David is out of earshot, "What did he think you’d do, run into shot?"
Andrew rubs against Jesse’s ankles in thanks.
He sits to the side, out of everybody’s way, just watching the filming. After a while, he finds the bathrooms and pees, then heads back out to set. Jesse is looking frantically around for him. "Jesse," David shouts, "focus, please."
I’m here, Andrew tries to say, I’m sorry. It comes out as trills.
"I only looked away for a second," Jesse is saying. He’s anxious. Andrew darts between people’s legs as they’re setting up the shot again, rubs Jesse’s ankles and purrs as loudly as he can. "Thank you," Jesse whispers, leaning down to pet Andrew’s ears. Andrew leans into it, then trots off again so he’s out of everyone’s way.
The next take is absolutely brilliant. Andrew watches from his perch on an assistant’s chair, wondering if it’s weird that he’s proud of Jesse whenever the take is good. He concludes that they’re friends, maybe edging towards something more than friends, so it’s completely appropriate.
When they break for lunch, Jesse gets some soup and a plate of plain fish for Andrew. There aren’t many places to sit and eat, only one chair is free, so when Jesse sits down he asks, "Do you mind sharing this? I — or you could eat on the floor, if that‘s more comfortable."
Andrew answers by jumping onto his lap and accepting the plate of fish happily. It’s sort of precariously balanced on Jesse’s knee, but Andrew pulls the meat towards him so it doesn’t tip off as he tears chunks with his teeth and chews. He’s pretty thirsty, especially by the time he’s eaten the fish (thankfully free of bones), but all of the plates are made of paper and cardboard so Jesse can’t just pour his water onto one. He has a bottle of it, which isn’t helpful either, and in the end Jesse pours a little at a time into his cupped hand for Andrew to drink out of. It’s an awkward arrangement, but quenches Andrew’s thirst, so he’s grateful.
"So hey, how’s it going?" Armie stops in front of them. "You doing okay, Andrew?"
Andrew nods, licking at his mouth. His chin is sopping wet.
"We had some trouble getting water for him," Jesse says, "but it’s okay now." Andrew jumps off his lap and gives his head a vigorous shake to try and dry his chin and whiskers out. "I swear he’s not disagreeing," Jesse adds.
Andrew finishes drying his chin with one arm. "That’s so adorable," Armie grins at him. Andrew takes a swipe at his ankles. "Okay, I think we‘re going to be needed soon," he says to Jesse, who stands up and brushes the fur off his trousers as one of the runners walks up.
"Shoot, I have to get to wardrobe. I’ll see you in there." Jesse heads off to the wardrobe trailer, Andrew following. He gets the fur thoroughly brushed off his trousers, apologising to the wardrobe team the whole time (Andrew meowing his apologies too), and then they head back to set.
Once they get there, Andrew meows to get his attention, then does his best to convey You don’t mind me hanging around all the time, do you? using only trills, meows, head tilts, shrugs and movements of his tail. Jesse sort of stares at him for a minute. "Do you mean … like, are you asking me if I’m bothered by you being my shadow?" Andrew nods. "Oh, no, it’s fine. It’s sort of comforting, actually, I was planning on texting you between takes anyway. I’m a little," he shakes out his hands, "today, you know?"
Andrew nods, and rubs his head against Jesse’s knees. Jesse stands up and says, "Besides, I miss my cats. It’s nice having one around for the day."
Andrew curls up as far out of the way as he can, as it starts getting late, and takes a nap. He doesn’t need sleep like real cats need sleep, but all the same, he usually needs at least one nap in a cat day and it’s early evening. He tends to nap before this.
He dreams that he’s a tiger, and Jesse’s a panther, and they’re running through a forest. It becomes a Formula 1 circuit, and cars zoom past them as they run faster and faster, the announcer’s voice sounding a lot like David’s, shouting about newspaper cuttings, and bulbs are going flash flash flash. Andrew runs faster, his paws thundering, and then he hears Jesse say, "Come on, I’ll take you home."
Andrew wakes up as Jesse is lifting him. The crew is dispersing. Andrew remains half-asleep as Jesse carries him over to the wardrobe trailer, to the makeup trailer, then he’s back in his own clothes with a bare face and he lowers Andrew gently into the fleece-lined bag. Andrew dozes until the first time Jesse honks at another car, and after that he wakes up properly. He sits up, and Jesse glances over and smiles.
"So I was thinking, would it be okay if I come over to your room tonight? I don’t mean — shit, I didn’t — um. I just thought, you’d probably be bored, and/or lonely. So um. What do you think?"
Andrew waits until Jesse is glancing at him again, then nods. "Okay," Jesse says, "okay. I’ll just grab some clothes from my room — uh, is it okay if I stay the night? I just … don’t want you to be alone right now." He’s blushing as he says it, and ducks his head. "Stupid," he mutters, "so stupid."
"Mrarrw urrrwr," Andrew shakes his head.
"So it’s okay?" Jesse sees him nod, and relaxes his hands on the steering wheel. "Okay."
Andrew heads immediately for the bathroom when they get back to the hotel. Jesse looks up when he comes back out into the other room.
"You flushed," he says. "I didn’t know you could flush."
Andrew jumps up onto the bed and wiggles his paws in a vaguely I’m awesome sort of a way. Jesse grins at him. "So what do you want to do? We could — watch TV, or — hey, do you like, do cat things? I mean, you’re still you, you act human, but what would you do if I," he pulls one of the laces out of his shoe and dangles it in front of Andrew, "do this?"
Andrew hasn’t played since he was a kitten. There came a point when he felt he was too old, he wasn’t a kid any more, time to grow up. Now, however, he dresses up and plays pretend for a living, and nobody’s tried to play with him in years.
He bats at the shoelace. Jesse laughs, the kind of sound that comes more from sheer surprise and happiness than amusement, and holds the shoelace higher. Andrew follows it, swinging his arm higher and higher, until he’s standing on his hind legs and grabs the shoelace with both front paws. He bites it, just to make Jesse laugh some more.
They end up dropping to the floor. Jesse trails the shoelace along it, and Andrew pounces, trying to get the end of it. It’s too slippery for his claws, the sellotaped bit, but he’d rather not catch it anyway because Jesse grins wider when he doesn’t. When Andrew is starting to get bored of the shoelace game, he pounces on Jesse, claws sheathed so he’s just patting him with his paws. Jesse laughs all the more, and rolls onto his back.
They curl up on Andrew’s bed after Jesse sighs, "Shit, I’m tired." Jesse flips through the book Andrew is part way through, and reads passages out. Andrew nuzzles him happily. He manages to communicate that he’s thirsty, but there aren’t any saucers or plates, so he crouches at the sink and Jesse makes sure the water comes out just right.
Jesse puts on his pyjamas a while later — faded NYU shirt and tartan boxers more than actual pyjamas — and gets into bed. Andrew curls up on his chest. There’s silence for a minute, then Jesse says, "Um — you’re kinda heavy."
Andrew trills an apology and shifts until he’s mostly cuddled up against Jesse’s side, head on his front paws on Jesse’s chest. Jesse has an arm around him and scritches his ears absently. "Today was nice," he yawns, "you have sock paws, it’s adorable. But I like it better when you’re human. You’re a different sort of cute, an Andrew-cute, I like that." His eyes are drifting closed. "I don’t have a crush on you when you’re a cat."
Andrew thinks about making fun of him for saying he has a crush, but then he thinks about what Jesse’s just said and how maybe that’s the sort of thing he gets particularly vulnerable about and he can’t. So he just purrs and falls asleep.
He never wakes up properly when he gets up in the night to pee, just runs on autopilot. He never notices the change, either; his body on autopilot just gets on with whatever configuration it’s in at whichever hour it is, without bothering his conscious brain about number of limbs it is proper to stand on, or whether he has opposable thumbs. He’s vaguely aware of getting up twice, and also vaguely aware of there being someone else in his bed who also gets up once, when he’s probably an hour from waking up. So Andrew drifts to wakefulness and feels like he always does after a cat day; a little dehydrated, a lot hungry, and slightly cold. He is also, of course, naked.
On this particular morning, he realises as their eyes meet and Jesse smiles, he’s not alone. "Hey," Jesse whispers, voice cracked with sleep.
Don’t kiss him don’t kiss him don’t kiss him don’t kiss him. Andrew clears his throat. "Hi. Thanks for taking care of me yesterday."
"Thanks for keeping me company." Jesse’s smile is so unguarded, so genuine and warm.
Seriously, do not kiss him. "My pleasure," Andrew says, distracted by how cute Jesse looks when he’s just woken up. He sort of gazes for a minute, until he realises that’s what he’s doing. "Um." He sits up.
"Oh," Jesse says, sounding both surprised and appreciative, "you’re naked."
Andrew closes his eyes very tightly to keep from jumping Jesse. He breathes evenly, carefully, in and out.
"Are you okay?" Jesse asks. Andrew can feel him sit up, gingerly touching his back.
"Trying," he starts, but there isn’t enough sound. He waits a second, then says, "Trying not to make a move."
"Oh — do you get a kind of hangover, or —"
"On you," Andrew clarifies. "I’m trying not to make a move on you."
"What sort of a move?" Jesse sounds tentative, like he’s daring himself to ask or something. Shit.
"Are you asking so I’ll make one?" Andrew is stalling but who cares.
"Maybe." There’s a pause while Jesse shifts, and then Andrew feels a soft kiss on his shoulder. Arms around his waist. If he’s not careful, Jesse’s hands will wander, and his will power is going to lose this battle.
He stands up. "Sorry, I — I just —" He realises he’s still naked, that he already had a bit of morning wood and Jesse touching him hasn’t helped, and he turns away. Fumbles with his suitcase and yanks on some boxers. "Sorry. I can’t."
He risks a glance at Jesse, who is nodding. "No, it’s — look, I’m sorry. I shouldn’t have done that —" He stops, smiles. "I guess that’s both of us who’ve tried to make a move now."
Andrew ducks his head, cheeks hot. "I know it’s — fuck, Jesse, I really want to. I want to," he makes eye contact, "so much. But we’re working together, and our characters are about to break up, and we need to keep a distance for that."
"I know," Jesse says, "that’s why I’m sorry I did it. We can — I want to date you the second we can, is that okay?"
"If I kiss you right now, can that be all it is until the shoot’s over?" Andrew asks. "Because that is really, really okay, and I have to kiss you now."
Jesse stands up faster than Andrew has ever seen him move. Andrew kisses him, grasping at his hair, gasping into his mouth, Jesse whimpering and curling their tongues together. The kiss hardly seems to last more than three seconds when Andrew’s alarm clock goes off. He pulls away reluctantly.
"No, no, more," Jesse mutters, leaning back in. Andrew lets out a small noise and kisses him again, until the snooze function has gone off twice, and he finally leans away to shut the stupid thing off. He catches Jesse mouthing Come back, but if he kisses him any longer he won’t be able to stop at all.
"We have to — they need me today — we have to stop."
Jesse rests his head on Andrew’s shoulder. "Oh, fuck the world," he sighs.
He goes back to his room to get dressed, and Andrew showers, jerking off, thinking about Jesse jerking off in his own shower. The thought makes him come fast, and he presses his forehead to the tiles for a minute before starting to wash himself.
"You know, I had a thought the other day," Jesse says in the car. "I don’t — I wanted to talk to you about it, but then you were a cat, and now it might be awkward."
"No, go on, it’s okay," Andrew nods as encouragingly as he can.
"Well — I thought maybe we could try something, just in a few takes. You know the scene coming up where Eduardo shows up and Mark hasn’t picked him up from the airport?" Andrew nods. "Well, I was thinking — it could be interesting to play it like something happened between them." He’s glancing over when Andrew looks at him. "And this is why I said it might be awkward now."
Andrew smiles. "No, I see what you mean. What sort of thing happened?"
"Either that they’d made out, or had sex, something like that — I just thought it could be an interesting angle to play, what they’d think about that —"
"Expectations they might have," Andrew nods.
"Exactly." Jesse looks pleased. "Think we should take it to David?"
"Yeah, good idea." They change topic, concentrate on the scenes they’re filming that day.
Everybody welcomes Andrew back like he‘s been away for a week.
"You were so cute I could have died," Armie says, an insufferable grin on his face. Andrew gets the feeling he won’t live this down for a while.
"Oh shut up, Gigantor," he sighs, dropping his head into his hands.
He and Jesse talk about the idea some more when they get back to the hotel that night, sprawled out on Jesse’s bed eating takeaway. "You know, I was thinking about this," Andrew says around a mouthful of rice. "Eduardo’s reaction to seeing Mark again would depend on what had happened, and when it happened."
"I think Mark’s would depend more on what happened after," Jesse chews thoughtfully, "how Wardo behaved right after it."
"Right," Andrew nods. "We should decide what happened between them, or we’ll be playing it at totally different volumes."
Jesse nods, "Exactly," and Andrew silently curses the fact that Jesse is apparently utterly perfect for him. They eat the rest of their meal in comfortable quiet. Andrew is thinking about how something could possibly happen between Mark and Eduardo.
"You know," he says once they’ve put the boxes away and are sitting facing each other, "I‘ve thought of Eduardo as being in love with Mark in every way but a sexual way. But I can see the line blurring at some point."
"Do you think Eduardo would want something to happen?" Jesse’s head is tilted, a look on his face that is half Mark.
"Maybe." Andrew thinks about it. "He’d want a lot of things to change before he’d be okay with it. He wouldn’t — I don’t know that he’d really want a one-night stand, but he really wouldn’t want a relationship until Mark stopped being so selfish."
Jesse looks hurt. "Selfish?"
"No, just — he doesn’t really think about other people’s feelings. He’s inconsiderate." Jesse shifts. "I’m just saying," Andrew adds quickly, "Eduardo couldn’t be in a relationship with him, not at that point in his life."
"But he wouldn’t want it to be a one-night stand," Jesse nods thoughtfully.
"He’d rather that than a relationship," Andrew says. "What about Mark?"
"Mark — he hates being fussed over. Eduardo fusses over him enough as it is, if they were together it’d be unbearable. Mark gets uncomfortable with too much attention." Jesse’s shifting, the look on his face mostly Mark now. "But it’s sort of — of course he wants Eduardo, it just never occurs to him to let anybody know. Because if anybody knows, that’s too much information that should be private."
"Ironic," Andrew half smiles, "since he invented the biggest invasion of everyone’s privacy."
"People put those things up voluntarily," Jesse protests, folding his arms. "It’s not an invasion of privacy if you do it yourself."
"Jesse," Andrew says gently. "I need Jesse back."
Startled, Jesse unwinds. "Did I go too far into Mark?"
"A bit, yeah." He puts a hand on Jesse’s knee. "You were saying, that Mark would want something to happen."
"Yeah, it’s like — it should be completely obvious, only he’s never leaked a bit of it, so it’s only obvious to him."
Andrew nods, thinking hard. "So they’d be terrible in a relationship together, but — what if they had sex? What then?"
"Mark would assume that meant a relationship," Jesse says immediately. Andrew raises his eyebrows.
"Really?"
"Yeah. It’s this thing — Wardo’s sort of acting like his boyfriend anyway, which is annoying since he’s not, so if they had sex Mark would assume Wardo then was his boyfriend, since all he’d have to do to be one would be screw him." Jesse looks faintly embarrassed at saying the word ‘screw’. Andrew finds it stupidly endearing.
"So it‘d have to be the time they saw each other before California," Andrew says thoughtfully, "which is, what, the start of the summer?"
"Yeah," Jesse shifts closer to him and they settle side by side, the better not to look at each other. "They’d have to be drunk."
"Yeah," Andrew nods, "if nothing else it’s the only way Mark would show any feelings."
Jesse shoves him playfully, and Andrew laughs. "So they’re drunk," Jesse says, "what then?"
"Well — you know, I‘ve been having some thoughts about Eduardo and Christy. She’s the paranoid jealous type, and it probably took a couple of months to start really showing through. People like that, it starts with little things, they laugh it off, you think it’s a bit weird but then forget it. After a few months it starts being more frequent — where were you, who were you with, did you check that girl out, did you screw the waitress when you went for a piss, that sort of thing."
Jesse raises his eyebrows, but he doesn’t ask.
"Yeah. So, after a while, it becomes this huge frustration, like whenever you talk you’re stepping on eggshells, but if you break up it’d look like she was right. Especially if there’s anyone else you have feelings for, no matter that you’d never have cheated on her in a million years. Except, after a while you start to want to, because she never believes you that you haven’t, and there comes a point where you may as well deserve your punishment." Andrew is now staring fixedly at the wall.
"Hey," Jesse’s voice is soft, "I’m sorry."
Andrew shrugs. "It was a long time ago. Anyway, I was thinking about that, and about how Christy acts, and wondering if there’s anyone Eduardo might be tempted to get back at her with." He glances over at Jesse, who is looking sympathetic and trusting. Andrew really needs to stop feeling like his chest is being tugged whenever Jesse looks like this. "I didn’t," he says, "by the way. I never cheated on her, and I broke up with her, and she probably still thinks she’s right."
"But Eduardo might?" Jesse prompts, after a moment of squeezing Andrew‘s shoulder.
"If he was really drunk and the opportunity arose, yeah, he might." Andrew shrugs. "He’s young, hurt, insulted, sort of in love with his best friend, angry at the world. Drunk."
"The perfect storm." Jesse flops onto his back, and Andrew follows suit. "I can get a drunk Mark in my head, but a drunk Mark who makes a move — he just wouldn’t do it."
"What if," Andrew turns onto his side, facing Jesse, head propped on one hand, "because Mark hates parties, or gatherings of people in general, he’s hiding out in his dorm room on the last day, drunk and coding, and Eduardo comes to find him."
"Yeah, to make sure he’s okay," Jesse turns onto his side too. Their faces are close, but not too close.
"More like to complain about Christy," Andrew shakes his head. "And he prises Mark away from the computer —"
"— by whining until he does —"
"— whatever," Andrew kicks him lightly, but Jesse catches his foot between his ankles and there ensues a tug-of-war Jesse smiles the whole way through, "and they sit on Mark’s bed and Eduardo rants a lot —"
"— during which Mark could be coding —"
"— but Eduardo keeps pulling him back down," Andrew finally gets his foot free, "and one time, Mark struggles a bit and Eduardo kisses him just to make him stay put."
"Just?" Jesse’s eyebrows go up.
"Not just that," Andrew concedes. "How would Mark react?"
"He’d kiss him back," Jesse says without hesitation. "And probably push him down onto the bed, because he may be drunk but he knows an opportunity when it’s making out with him."
"Right, and so they’re making out," they’re sort of inching towards each other, closing the already-short distance, "and then —"
"— Mark gets a hand down Eduardo’s pants."
Andrew sucks a breath in. His nose is about one inch from Jesse’s now, and Jesse’s hand is hovering between them. "Eduardo," Andrew licks his lips, which are suddenly very dry, "he’d reciprocate, he’d —" He moves a hand to hover just over Jesse’s stomach.
"Yes," Jesse whispers, moving until their mouths are so close he can feel Jesse’s breath on his lips.
"Jesse," Andrew breathes, "we can’t — we’re not Mark and Eduardo, I don’t want to fuck things up with you."
"I don’t want that either," Jesse murmurs. Neither of them are moving away. "Andrew," Jesse whispers, and if Andrew doesn’t move right this second he’s going to fuck everything up.
"Sorry," he whispers, and rolls away. He sits up, head buried in his hands. "I should — it’s late, I should probably go."
"We could make out again." Jesse sounds so hopeful. "I mean, couldn’t we?"
"If we do that," Andrew has never been so glad he can’t see Jesse’s face, "I will find it impossible to stop."
"Oh." Jesse is silent for a minute. "If you stay here any longer, I’m going to jump you anyway."
"I’ll see you tomorrow." Andrew is up and out of Jesse’s room before he can change his mind.
They talk on the drive in the next day, about the aftermath of the sex, how the characters would act, never once meeting each other’s eyes. When they get to set, they talk to David about it, and he nods thoughtfully for a minute. "Okay, try it at some point, but don’t start with it," he says, and they get onto their markers.
Andrew plays the first seven takes with Eduardo annoyed, impatient, and realises on take eight that he’s overshooting the betrayal. It hasn’t happened yet. He reigns it in for the ninth to eighteenth takes, Eduardo more quietly angry. Then he plays him tired and cold and wet and disappointed in life, and those takes he can feel are some of the best of the day.
Around take twenty-five, Jesse catches his eye and nods expressively. Andrew nods back, and then tells the Eduardo that sits at the back of his head that the last time he saw Mark, they’d got drunk and jerked each other off and fallen asleep together, and when he woke up the next morning Mark was already wired in. He feels more angry at himself than he can admit for proving Christy right, angry at Mark for just fooling around with him and then moving to California, even more hurt than before that Mark always takes Sean’s advice over his, and enormously conflicted when he realised that Mark wasn’t going to pick him up. That he’d forgotten him again.
He pours every scrap of those emotions into his performance. His annoyance rises when he sees how pleased Mark is to see him. He’s still cold and wet and hungry and angry, and he’s hurt and jilted and wrong and guilty and Mark should see that and be feeling that too but he isn’t because Mark’s a fucking robot who only sees what he wants to see, who asks after his fucking girlfriend like he didn’t cheat on her with him. Mark, who still isn’t listening, who says he’s going to get left behind, and what does that even mean? What, that he’ll be frozen out of their company, was it because of what happened? It can’t be, though, that would require Mark to have feelings.
Andrew comes out of the take when David shouts, "Cut!" Jesse shakes himself. "Okay, let’s do it again," David calls, and Andrew finds his beginning mark. He plays the scene with that backstory another four times, always angry and slightly bitter, layers of everything else underneath it. Jesse nods to him after that fifth take of it, and Andrew nods back. The next take, Andrew tries it more tired, less like he wants to tear Mark’s head off and more like he just wants to get into a bed but things keep getting in his way. They revisit the backstory once more, twelve takes later, and drop it again after another three takes. They try out just about every plausible set of emotions until David decides they’ve had enough takes.
Andrew is exhausted. He and Jesse barely speak on the way back to the hotel, and Andrew rolls into bed as soon as they get there. They have a day off, and then the deposition scenes start.
Andrew’s phone beeps at breakfast the next day. Where are you? It’s from Jesse.
Having breakfast. You coming down?
Jesse texts back, Bed is too comfortable. Bring me toast?
Andrew smiles and presses the call button. "Say please," he says when Jesse picks up.
"Please." Jesse sounds sort of pitiful.
"I’ll be up in five," he says, even though he knows Jesse hates it when people drop words.
He wraps three slices of toast in a large napkin and smuggles them up to Jesse’s room. He sits on the bed with him while he eats. "Are you okay?" he asks, once Jesse has demolished the first slice.
"Still exhausted from yesterday," Jesse answers. "I don’t want to move today."
"Would you prefer it if I left you to rest?"
Jesse looks at him. "Why would you hang around? I’m planning on being very boring, I’ll just read. Maybe listen to some music."
"I like spending time with you." Andrew thinks about how he can sidestep this if Jesse presses the point. Wanting to spend every day with him as a method actor playing his best friend, that’s fine. Wanting to spend every day with him when they have feelings for each other, that’s moving too fast. "I’m just saying, if you want the company, I’d be happy to."
"Actually, I could do with a quiet day." He looks apologetic as he says it, because Jesse is possibly the nicest person on the planet.
"That’s okay. Let me know if you get bored, though." He leaves the rest of the sentence, and I’ll drop whatever I’m doing and come running, hanging in the air.
He heads outside and does some exploring of the area. There’s a hiking route he’s heard about, and after lunch in a nice little café, he grabs his walking boots from the hotel (and checks in on Jesse, who is napping). The hike takes him to beautiful views, and he stands looking at them for a while before heading back to the hotel. He feels refreshed, calm, like he’s been plugged in and he can just relax now.
He knocks on Jesse’s door close to dinner time. Jesse opens it, hair awry, blinking sleep out of his eyes. "Hey — are you okay?" Andrew asks, smile fading. "You were asleep earlier, I think, there was no answer."
"Yeah, I — what time is it? I fell asleep around noon."
"It’s seven." He reaches over to feel Jesse’s forehead. "You don’t have a fever. How are you feeling?"
"Good, actually," he yawns. "Think I just needed to catch up on sleep."
Andrew tries to stop worrying. You’re not Eduardo, he reminds himself, and says, "I came up to ask if you want to go out to dinner. There’s an Italian place Lisa was telling me about."
"Sure, just give me some time to wake up." Jesse stretches. Andrew makes sure he doesn’t look.
"Is it okay if I invite a few other people, too?"
Jesse’s smiling. "So it won’t be a date?"
"Something like that."
"Yeah, sure, that’s okay." Jesse goes back into his room, and Andrew goes back to his to get changed and make some calls.
Half the people he invites already have plans, but an hour later, six of them are waiting at the restaurant. Jesse sits between Andrew and David, Armie on Andrew’s other side. Lisa the hairdresser who’d raved about this place, Susie the sweetheart from catering, and two of the runners, Tony and Toni, arrange themselves on the other side of the table. It’s a fun dinner, and Jesse is alert and looks fine, so Andrew stops worrying for real. They have a great time, and cheerfully call goodnight to each other in the parking lot after the meal.
Jesse takes Andrew back to the hotel. When the silence has stretched for about a minute, Jesse says, "Listen, from tomorrow we should stop hanging out."
"I know," Andrew sighs, because he does, but Jesse needs to be the one who says it. "Could you do me a favour?"
"Sure, what is it?"
"Break my heart. I’ve got everything I need for Eduardo, just — I want the depth it would have if you’d said something that hurt, you know?"
Jesse is quiet for a minute. "I don’t want to spend any more time with you," he says.
He knows Jesse’s only saying it because he asked him to, he knows he anticipated this, but it still hurts more than he ever thought it would. "Oh," he says. Jesse opens his mouth like he’s going to say something else, but then he glances at Andrew and closes it again. They ride the rest of the way in silence.
The next day is the first of the deposition scenes. Andrew can’t get Jesse’s voice out of his head, I don’t want to spend any more time with you, and channels that hurt into his performance. David takes him aside after a while and tells him to put more anger into it, so he forgets Jesse and sinks completely into Eduardo. The anger is there, and in the next few takes he’s too forceful with it, so he pulls it back and makes it quieter again. He’s completely drained by the time the day finishes, and the ride back to the hotel is silent and strained, just like the ride in had been.
They sort of stop speaking. Not entirely — Jesse texts him one night, Hey, are you okay?, and Andrew texts back Got really caught up in the scene today, I’ll be fine — but they don’t spend most days together. They don’t feel like best friends the way they have this whole time, and Andrew misses him. He’s right there, across a table, but that just makes him miss him all the more. He puts that into Eduardo on some takes, and Jesse responds to it beautifully, and even when it feels like they’re fighting they work well together. Andrew slightly hates it for about a day.
On the last day of filming the deposition scenes, something just isn’t right. The rhythm is off somehow — no, not off, it’s fine, but it could be better. Andrew spends the morning frustrated, lunch time in his trailer going over and over the scene trying to think of ways to improve what he’s doing, the atmosphere in the whole room, and most of the rest of the day trying everything he can think of.
Everyone is getting tired and fidgety when Andrew realises that Jesse sets the tone in this scene. The takes where he’s more defensive and angry, everybody’s ramped up a notch. The takes where he’s quiet and unreadable, everybody’s slightly lost. There’s a small break while the DP fixes a light, and Andrew goes over to Jesse. He leans down until his lips are brushing the curve of Jesse’s ear, and he murmurs, "You fucked over your best friend. You betrayed him, you asshole, and now you have to live with that. So live with it."
He slips back into his seat. Jesse is staring at him. David yells, "Action!"
That take is phenomenal. They do a bunch more, tightening the atmosphere more and more until yes, it’s as good as it can be. David makes them do it twice more, then lets them all go for the day.
The ride back is tense. Andrew opens his mouth, not sure exactly what he wants to say, but stops. Jesse is moving around in his seat, small shifts in position.
"You okay?" is what Andrew ends up saying. "We could stop somewhere if you need to."
"What? No, I don’t, I’m fine." He keeps moving, though.
Andrew watches him. "You’re squirming," he observes. "Seriously, I don’t mind stopping."
Jesse laughs a little breathlessly. "I promise I don’t need to stop."
That is when Andrew notices the bunching of Jesse’s jeans, and for a second he feels like the breath has been knocked out of him. "Oh," he says.
"Oh?"
"You’re, um." He waves a hand. "You’ve got a — well, a —"
Jesse looks down. He blushes. "Oh."
"Is that why you’re —"
"Yes." He says it in a please drop this subject way, so Andrew drops it. He stares out of the window, studiously not looking. Jesse continues to squirm. "It’s just," Jesse says, when they’re almost there, "when you said that — it was —"
"Oh, you mean — in the scene —"
"Yeah." Jesse keeps his eyes on the road. "It was … um."
"Oh." Andrew closes his eyes. "Was it the verbal abuse?" he asks, to be flippant.
"No," Jesse says, and of course he’d take the question seriously. Of course. "It was, um, the proximity. And the voice."
"What, did I break character?" It’s the first time he’s voiced the assumption that because Jesse is American, he will find Andrew’s accent sexy. He realises as he says it that he could be wrong.
Jesse’s breath comes out in a rush. "I think if you talked to me in that voice with your actual accent, I would be incoherent."
"Oh." So he’s not wrong, then. He restrains himself from saying, That could be arranged.
Jesse parks in the hotel’s car park, and they walk upstairs together in silence. Andrew’s room is five doors down from Jesse’s. They’re awkward and quiet in the lift, and they both pause at Jesse’s door while he gets it open. He looks like he’s going to say something, but then he closes his mouth. "I’ll um, see you tomorrow," he mutters, and disappears behind the door.
There’s a loud thump, another few muffled sounds, then another thump. Andrew hovers indecisively. "Jesse?" Nothing. Just muffled sounds, then the faintest of thumps against the door. Andrew steps closer to it. "Jesse?"
-----------------------------------------
This is where I got up to before the words stopped working. It is so frustrating when that happens, but anyway. I had plans for the rest of this! Tension building, huge shagging session when filming finished, then adorable boyfriend times. There was going to be a day on the press tour when Andrew woke up a cat again, and Jesse made his excuses in interviews, and much cuteness abounds. I wish I could finish this, but it's been two and a half years and yeah, the words are gone. But I like this! I'm shoving it online in the hopes that it might make someone apart from me happy, basically.