Archive of Our Own

Sometimes when Gerard draws out his story ideas it’s like it’s not even him doing the drawing at all. It’s like the pictures actually draw themselves and all he’s doing is holding the pencil… or pen or marker or whatever. He fills pages and pages with drawings more quickly than should be possible. When he runs out of steam, he’s always afraid he’s going to go back and see that what he did was actually shit and drivel. It never is though. Gerard knows more about comic books and graphic novels than any person reasonably should, and he knows his stuff is good.

He shuffles his notebooks around and goes back to look at the panels he came up with last month, chewing on the end of a pen as he considers the pages. When he shifts his body to sit back against the side of his bed, he notices the moon staring down at him through the window. It’s big and bold and bright tonight and somehow Gerard feels that it’s judging him. He knows that’s crazy, but he also knows how late it is. It’s past 2 AM and he has no business still being up, but this is how it always is. He gets his best ideas late at night.

Gerard briefly considers closing the curtains so the moon can’t patronize him but decides to leave them open. The moonbeams are falling in interesting patterns. Shafts of light dance across his pages and he’s suddenly struck with an idea for a nighttime scene under a full moon. He grabs up his sketchbook and quickly begins drawing again. Time and space get away from him. He draws furiously, making notes in the margins. He’s on a roll, filling the pages as the story tells itself.

And the moon watches him.

++++++++
There’s an ancient strip mall right on the edge of downtown Belleville with five store spaces in it. It’s on the corner of the main road that goes through downtown and another, much smaller road that goes into one of the oldest neighborhoods in town. The strip mall is arranged perpendicular to the main road and the parking lot is much larger than what the four occupied stores actually need. Consequently, the corners of the lot always fill up on weekdays at lunchtime with people who have nowhere else to go during their breaks, many of them taking naps in their cars in the shade of the old elm trees that line the sides of the lot. But that is all actually completely irrelevant to our story.

The only thing that’s really important is the tenants of the four occupied stores. From the road inward, the four stores are: Lover’s Lane - a sex shop owned by Ray Toro; Rebel Tattoos - a tattoo parlor owned by Alicia Simmons; Dreamland Comics - a comic book store owned by Gerard Way; and, on the very end, Lovin’ Oven - a specialty bakery and sandwich shop owned by James Dewees.

The last unit in the strip mall has been empty for almost six months now. Over the years, dozens of stores, restaurants, and offices have filled it, all trying for a time to get their businesses off the ground and all eventually failing. Some say that the unit is cursed. Others say that it’s simply too far from the main road for people to notice it. But that’s not really important to the story either.
++++++++

Gerard Way has routines. He likes his routines. He needs his routines. He’s not sure how he would function without them.

When Gerard emerges from his front door on Monday morning, the first thing he notices is how the air smells. It’s cool and crisp and it finally feels like fall. Gerard thinks about bonfires and apple picking and Halloween. Autumn has always been his favorite season. It’s such a great, slow build-up to the winter holidays. Not that he cares a great deal for actual winter weather, but that’s beside the point. Autumn is wonderful.

Despite the chill in the air, the October sun warms Gerard’s face as he walks to his car. During his drive to the store he smokes his first cigarette of the morning while mentally running through a list of things he needs to get done at work today. His commute is only ten minutes as he only works a couple of neighborhoods away from his house. He likes the short drive. It gives him just enough time to get used to being outside and among the living while his brain wakes up. By the time he gets to work, he’s ready to face the world. Gerard’s little morning drive is certainly one of his favorite routines.

Gerard’s had the same routines for the almost eight years that he’s owned his comic books shop, Dreamland Comics. He bought the store from the previous owner when he was 29, just after finishing grad school with no idea what he wanted to do next. He had loved every minute he spent working on first his Bachelor of Fine Arts and then his MFA in Art Criticism and Writing, but when it came to translating that degree in to something he could actually make money at in the real world, he was stumped.

Gerard’s shifts at Dreamland were how he was able to put himself through grad school. When the owner decided he was retiring, Gerard jumped at the opportunity to buy the store from him. It had always been a place where he’d felt at home - first as a kid and teenager when he went there to buy comics and then working there as an adult. It took Gerard seven years to pay for the store completely, but it’s his now and he loves it.

Gerard has a Monday morning routine. When he comes into the shop at nine, he turns on all the lights, starts the coffee, and turns on the computer. The next thing he does is check his list to see what deliveries he can expect for the next day. He likes to always be mentally prepared for the new shipments he'll get on Tuesday. After he’s gone over that list, he has another chore that’s specific to this Monday because it’s the first Monday in October. The first Monday of the month means it’s Gerard’s turn to get the donuts.

The air is still crisp and cool when he leaves the store, even though it’s almost ten o’clock. Gerard heads next door to James’ bakery. He can smell the baked goods as soon as he gets close, the scent wafting out the door when he opens it. James greets him cheerfully as he approaches the counter. He already has the standing Monday morning order of two dozen donuts waiting for him. Once he’s paid, Gerard heads down to the other end of the strip mall to Ray and Mikey’s sex toy shop.

On Mondays, the tenants of the four shops in the strip mall take turns getting donuts and delivering them to each store. James always takes two donuts out of the box for himself before he hands it to Gerard. Gerard’s next stop is Lover’s Lane, which opens at ten like his own store does. The last place he’ll go is Rebel Tatts, since they don’t open until 11 AM.

Ray’s already in the store as usual when Gerard comes in. He’s testing all the batteries in the display toys. This is one of Ray’s routines. Gerard and Ray have had several long talks about customer service. One thing Ray always harps on is ‘make it easy for the customer.’ He says a store should be user-friendly - set up in such a way that customers can find what they’re looking for on their own. Gerard thinks that’s good practice; he certainly understands why it would be important in a sex toy shop, where people are likely to feel self-conscious. He isn’t sure if his customers feel that way in his store, but he tries to make things user-friendly and easy for buyers to navigate.

Ray looks up when Gerard comes in. He’s testing an impressively large vibrating anal probe. “Hey, Gee.”

Gerard sets the donut box down on the counter. “Hey. That thing is kinda… well, it looks awfully big.”

Ray nods. “It was one of our top sellers in September.” Gerard feels his eyes get wide and Ray laughs. “There’s no accounting for taste, but people really seem to like it.”

Gerard shakes his head. He loves Ray like a brother. They’ve been best friends since they were kids and there isn’t anything they wouldn’t do for each other. Gerard’s totally supportive of Ray, but he often feels uncomfortable when he comes in the store. He’s felt even worse about it in the last year since Mikey’s worked here. He just can’t get into the sex toy thing. Mikey teases him, but Gerard’s never been that adventurous in the bedroom. Not that he’s had tons of lovers, but he’s had enough to know that he doesn’t need a lot of fancy stuff to get off and feel satisfied. Like Ray said though, there’s no accounting for taste and Gerard doesn’t judge. Orgasms are important and people should do what they need to do to feel good. Ray’s looking at him with his eyebrows raised and Gerard shrugs. “No way I can compete with that, man.”

Ray smiles. “You don’t have to. You’re a living, breathing human being. Despite all the technical advances in toys, statistics still show that people prefer getting off with another person, even if toys are involved. Don’t worry about it.”

“I don’t,” Gerard says too quickly. “I mean, I’m not losing any sleep over it.”

“I know.” Ray nods. “It’s just…” he trails off, waving his hand.

“Yeah.” Gerard nods. “I’m just weird about this stuff, still. I don’t know what my deal is.”

“It’s fine,” Ray smiles as he straightens a couple of displays. “No one holds it against you.” He walks over to the box on the counter and removes a couple of donuts for himself. “What shall I save for Mikey today?”

Gerard looks at the box and considers. “He’d like that Boston cream one, and the one with rainbow sprinkles. Always go for the sprinkles for Mikey.”

“Good point.” Ray takes the donuts out and sets them behind the counter under a napkin. Ray is way too nice to Mikey. Gerard’s tried to tell him before not be so nice to him all the time, but he can’t seem to help himself. Mikey’s supposed to be in before ten to help open the store, but since his first week working here, Gerard’s never seen him stumble in before 10:30. Ray always saves him donuts, though. Gerard’s tried waking him up before he leaves the house in the morning, but he always just goes right back to sleep. He doesn’t think Mikey even pretends to try to get here earlier any more. He sighs at Ray’s soft-heartedness and reminds himself that it isn’t really any of his business. He doesn’t work here. He has his own store to run.

He walks toward the door and as he’s about to leave, Ray asks, “You’re still coming on Saturday right?”

It takes Gerard a minute to remember what Ray’s talking about. Ray’s band is playing their first show after a hiatus Saturday night and Gerard had promised to go. He nods. “Yes, definitely.” Ray smiles, looking relieved, and waves to him as he heads back to his comic shop.

*_*_*

Gerard is just turning over the sign on the door that says, “gone for lunch, back in 10 min.” when the door to Rebel Tatts opens. He turns around to see Alicia saying goodbye to a shortish dude with dark hair and tattoos all up and down his arms. Alicia says cheerfully, “I’ll see you tomorrow Frank”. The guy’s face lights up as he grins and waves goodbye and Gerard feels like he’s been blinded. He doesn’t know why, but there’s something about that face and smile that suddenly have him feeling like a thousand suns are shining on him. The guy is cute, for sure, and Gerard can see he has a nice body under his black t-shirt and jeans, but something about his smile takes Gerard’s breath away. He stares for way too long, watching the dude walk to his car and get in. Alicia punches him in the shoulder gently, “Okay, Gerard?”

“Who was that?” Gerard can’t help asking as he watches the guy - apparently ‘Frank’ - drive away.

Alicia laughs. “That was Frank, my new office manager.”

Gerard turns, gaping at Alicia. “He’s going to be working for you?”

Alicia grins. “Yup, he starts tomorrow.” She ruffles Gerard’s hair as she turns to go back inside and continues, “I hope you can wipe the drool and pick your chin up off the ground by then.” Gerard can see her still laughing at him through the window after she goes inside. He gives her the finger and finally gets hold of himself enough to walk down to Lovin’ Oven to get some lunch.

Gerard can’t spend much time talking with James while he gets his sandwich. He doesn’t want to be away from his store for too long. Even with the sign and being right next door, he always fears that he could lose customers during the time he’s gone. His assistant manager who used to cover his lunch breaks and help him in the afternoons quit last week. He’s been on his own since then. A couple of teenagers work for him on weekends when it’s busier, but otherwise it’s just been him. He’s been putting off hiring someone new, but he knows he can’t wait much longer. He’s getting behind on things working by himself. He knows he can’t do it all alone but he has trouble with meeting new people. Gerard thinks that by now it should be easier to feel confident when he interviews people since he’s their potential employer, but somehow he can never shake the feeling of being the comic store nerd. He isn’t really sure why anyone would want to work for him anyway.

*_*_*

Gerard chases his idea around on the page. It fills up with scribbles and doodles and nothing even remotely resembling a panel or even a partially realized snippet of a scene. He scowls as he flips the page and starts again. Words jump into his head and he jots them down, but they don’t fit with the plot line he’s been working on the last few nights. Gerard’s fingers cramp up as he draws, pressing too hard on the pen.

Finally he gives up, tearing out the last few pages in frustration and giving the night up as lost. It isn’t as if he’s on any deadline; he can pick up again with the story tomorrow.

He lights a cigarette and lies down on the bed. After a few minutes he picks up the pages he tore out and examines them more closely than he actually did while drawing. He realizes that he’s drawn Frank. On each page he looks a little different, but it’s definitely him.

Gerard sighs and rolls his eyes at himself before folding the pages up and dropping them in the recycle box. He heads downstairs to get a snack. He thinks maybe a Pop-Tart. He finds just one left in the box and knows Mikey will be mad in the morning when he wakes up to find they’re all gone, but he’ll get over it. Gerard puts it in the toaster and leans back against the counter to wait for it to pop up. He closes his eyes and all he can see is Frank.

*_*_*

The next morning, Gerard positions himself by the front window of his store at ten minutes before eleven and looks up every time he sees any sign of movement in the parking lot. At ten ‘til noon, he’s rewarded for his vigilance when he sees Frank pull up in an old sedan. Gerard knows he’s a creeper for staring at Frank as he’s just walking in to his first day at a new job, but he can’t help it. It’s really not fair how hot Frank is. It’s suddenly urgently important for Gerard to find out if Frank likes guys before he gets his hopes up and ends up developing a painful crush on a straight dude.

Gerard goes back and forth in his mind about whether or not to just pop in next door and say hi. Would it be too obvious if he just says he’s come over to welcome the new guy? He thinks back and he knows he’s never done that when James or Ray hired anyone new, let alone bothered to get to know any of Alicia’s tattoo artists very well. It would be completely transparent. And with Alicia over at the house almost every night to hang out with Mikey, Gerard would never hear the end of it.

Frustrated with himself for wasting work time obsessing over a hot guy, Gerard resolves that before he does anything, he needs to write up ads to find a new assistant manager. He’s woefully behind and has taken to avoiding the storeroom at all costs because the mess and lack of organization back there just depress him.

He spends the next hour writing ads and posting them online and making flyers to put up around the strip mall. As soon as he’s printed them out, he realizes this is the perfect excuse to go next door and meet Frank. No one would think anything strange about him going in to ask if he can post his flyer in the shop window.

It’s the perfect plan, but of course once Gerard makes up his mind to do it he starts second guessing himself and gets all nervous because he has no idea what he’ll say. If it’s really busy, he won’t want to bother Alicia. Frank might not even be out front anyway; he might be back in the office. If it’s really slow and quiet it could be awkward too, because Gerard always has trouble coming up with things to say when he meets new people. He really wants to meet Frank, though.

This isn’t really a new issue for Gerard. He’s been single for a long time because he sucks at meeting people. He isn’t assertive and doesn’t go out very much. But as much as he tells himself he’s fine on his own, he really wouldn’t mind dating someone again. He just seems to have some kind of mental-block or super specific learning-disability when it comes to finding people to potentially date. But Frank is going to be working right next door. If Frank has any inclination at all towards dating guys, Gerard would never be able to forgive himself if he didn’t at least try.

Gerard finally makes up his mind, puts up his ‘be back in ten minutes’ sign, and goes over to Lovin’ Oven to get some lunch. He is dismayed upon opening the door when he sees Frank standing at the counter, apparently waiting for his order to be prepared. Gerard curses his bad luck, annoyed that his procrastination tactic has failed so spectacularly. He briefly considers turning around and walking back out, but he’s hungry and there’s a bell over the door that rings whenever someone comes in and it got James’ attention and he’s already waving hello and asking, “The usual, Gerard?” so Gerard has to go in.

Gerard swallows and nods as Frank looks up at him and smiles. It’s the same bright smile from yesterday and Gerard forgets where he is and his own name for a moment. Frank opens his mouth to say something just as James says to Gerard, “Did you meet Frank, yet?”

Gerard shakes his head, taking a moment to find his voice and says, “Not officially.”

Frank extends his hand and Gerard shakes it. “Gerard. I own-”

“The comic book store,” Frank cuts in. “That’s so awesome. I love comics.”

Gerard raises his eyebrow as he drops Frank’s hand. He’s had his fair share of hot guys as customers before, but it always surprises him when someone who doesn’t look like a total dork professes a love for comics. He wonders if Frank is serious or if he’s just being nice. Immediately suspicious and defensive, he asks, “Oh really? That’s cool, do you have any favorites?”

Frank cocks his head to the side as if he’s really seriously considering it. When he straightens up, he says, “Well, the more popular super heroes are okay, except Spiderman, but they’ve never really moved me too much. I like the Doom Patrol a lot, though, and The Invisibles, or anything at all by Grant Morrison,” after a beat adds, “or Alan Moore,” as an afterthought.

Gerard doesn’t reply right away. He opens his mouth and feels like he’s swallowed his tongue. He thinks he must be dreaming because Frank is obviously too good to be true. Managing to smile and nod at Frank, he’s saved from having to actually say anything when James leans across the counter with a sandwich for him. “Here ya go! Soy cheese and roasted veggies, hope you like it!”

Frank says, “Thanks,” and smiles at Gerard as he turns to go. Placing a hand on Gerard’s shoulder and giving it a squeeze, he says, “See you later, Gerard,” before walking out the door.

As soon as the door is shut, James bursts into a fit of giggles. “Oh man Gee, the hearts in your eyes are fucking visible from outer space!”

Gerard shakes his head to clear the fog and scowls. “Oh, fuck off!”

James just keeps giggling. “From space!” he says again gleefully.

*_*_*

Gerard takes his sandwich back to the safety of his own store to eat, forgetting, for the moment, about taking his signs around to hang up. He only remembered to put one up in Lovin’ Oven when James asked him about the stack of papers he was holding just before he left.

Gerard has a special sandwich that he eats each day of the week and on Friday he gets the special which is goat cheese pizza. But today is Tuesday and he has a sundried tomato, mozzarella, and salami with pesto Panini along with German potato salad and a dill pickle. He takes his time eating and then tidies the counter and clears off his desk, all the while knowing that he’s procrastinating going over to the other stores to put up his signs.

It’s after four before he finally gets up the nerve again, hastily taping up a ‘back in 5’ sign before he leaves. He heads down to Lover’s Lane first, steadily not looking through the big front windows of Rebel Tatts to see if Frank is out front. When he gets inside the sex shop, he finds Mikey leaning on his elbows on the counter, looking like he’s having trouble staying awake. Gerard simply waves the flyers at him and mumbles, “want ad” before quickly taping the sign up inside the store window.

Once Gerard gets outside again, he stops and takes a deep, fortifying breath. He shuts his eyes and counts to ten on the exhale. When he opens them and turns toward the tattoo parlor, he sees Frank sitting on the floor next to the counter digging through a box of papers. Gerard gets the distinct feeling that Frank had been watching him and had only just now looked down when he turned his head. Gerard tells himself the twisting of his gut is just paranoia and he needs to stop being so neurotic.

When he finally forces himself to walk through the door of the tattoo parlor, Frank looks up at him immediately and grins. It’s like the sun rising and Gerard gets the sense that Frank is genuinely pleased to see him. He wonders if it’s something to do with him or if Frank is the kind of person who’s friendly with everyone and happy all the time for no apparent reason. Gerard actually finds people like that kind of annoying, but he thinks Frank might be an exception to that inclination.

Gerard grins back at Frank and Alicia says, “Hey, Gee. What’s up?” from behind the counter.

Gerard finds his voice quickly as he turns away from Frank and counts that as a rather large victory. He waves his flyer. “Can I put this ad up in the window? I’m looking for someone to replace Colin.”

Alicia nods. “Sure! Put it right by the door, so people won’t miss it.”

Gerard smiles to himself as he puts the sign up. He’s glad he knows Alicia. She’s always been a good friend to him and he’s decided recently that he won’t mind it at all if she ends up becoming his sister-in-law. She opened up Rebel Tatts just a year after he took over at Dreamland and somehow they became friends. It’s odd because Gerard is usually very bad at friendships, but Alicia was persistent. She seemed convinced from the start that they should get along. They didn’t really start to get close until last year when Mikey came to work for Ray. Mikey had barely been working at Lover’s Lane for a week when he asked Alicia out.

Gerard takes as much time as he reasonably can putting the sign up. When he turns around, Alicia’s giving Frank instructions for something she wants him to do with the box of papers he was going through. Frank picks up the box and carries it back to the office. As soon as he’s out of sight, Alicia winks at Gerard and beckons him to come closer with a crooked finger. Gerard comes up to the counter and leans in. Alicia keeps her voice just above a whisper as she says, “He’s been really hard to crack, extremely tight-lipped and private about his personal life, but he’s definitely dated guys. I don’t know how many or how often, but it isn’t out of the question.”

Gerard wants to throw himself across the counter and hug Alicia, but he restrains himself, just barely holding in the whoop of joy that’s struggling to escape. Instead he grabs her hand and squeezes it tightly, saying a heartfelt, “Thank you.”

She smiles fondly and says, “You’re welcome, dork.” She ruffles his hair quickly before shoving him away as Frank comes out of the back room. “Now stop bothering me and go back to work in your own store.” She winks at him as she says it. Gerard gives in to the urge to stick his tongue out at her and she rolls her eyes. Frank giggles at the display he’s been watching with interest. Alicia snorts. “Real mature, Gerard.”

Gerard retorts, affronted, “I have never claimed to be mature.” With that, he turns and waves behind him as he walks out. He can still hear Frank’s high-pitched giggling as the door shuts after him.

*_*_*

“So Alicia says you’re already massively crushing on her new office manager,” Mikey says just as Gerard comes in the house that night. He’s sitting at the table eating from a bag of microwave popcorn while furiously texting with someone.

Gerard takes a moment to consider how Mikey put it and then shrugs. “I don’t know, maybe. I mean, I just met him. I don’t know anything about him.”

Mikey raises his eyebrow and spares Gerard a glance. “You want him, though. He’s definitely your type.”

Gerard sets his bag down and rifles around in the freezer for a Hot Pocket. He and Mikey rarely have scheduled ‘meals’ together, but they often end up eating at the same time in the evening and sometimes they even eat the same thing. Gerard is pleased when he finds one box of steak and cheese Hot Pockets left. They’re his favorite. He pulls the box out and sticks the Hot Pockets in the microwave before responding to Mikey. “I have a type?”

“You totally do. You should ask Frank out,” Mikey says without even looking up from his phone. “Alicia says he’s super nice so even if he isn’t interested he probably won’t act weird around you or anything.”

Gerard sighs and pulls a grape soda out of the fridge. He doesn’t say anything else while waiting for his dinner to finish heating. When it’s done he sits at the table with Mikey who finally puts his phone down and pushes it away before giving Gerard one of his ‘looks’. It’s the ‘don’t be a stubborn mule’ look. When Gerard doesn’t crack after a few seconds, he sighs dramatically and says, “Gee, you’ve got nothing to lose. Alicia said he mentioned at least twice today how excited he was about working right next to a comic book store and how he’s afraid he’ll spend all his money in there. That’s something, right?”

Gerard finishes chewing his bite and swallows. “I don’t know, Mikes. It’s great that he likes comics, but that doesn’t necessarily translate into him liking me.”

“But it’s something you guys have in common right away - conversation starter, at least.” Gerard shrugs one shoulder and takes a drink of his soda. Mikey continues. “So you just need to get over your absurd neuroses and ask him to hang out some time. You should go for it. There’s no reason for you to still be alone.”

All Gerard can manage is a “Maybe,” before he goes back to eating. Mikey scowls at him, but doesn’t say any more as he upends the bag of popcorn, spilling the few remaining bits into his mouth. He grabs his phone as he gets up and ruffles Gerard’s hair on his way out of the room.

Gerard likes living with Mikey. It’s nice. Mikey moved back from the city a little over a year ago when he and his last boyfriend broke up. The timing was perfect because it was just after their parents had retired and moved down to Florida, leaving Gerard with the huge house. As old and gloomy as it is, Gerard really loves this house and it’s been nice having Mikey living in it again with him.

Gerard finishes eating and throws away his paper plate and wrapper, following Mikey into the living room where he’s already setting up the Xbox. Gerard settles in on the couch and wonders how long it’ll be before Mikey and Alicia want to move in together; probably not much longer. Then Gerard will be on his own again. He isn’t sure how he feels about that. He’s lived alone before, but living with another person is… nice, if it’s the right person.

Gerard’s never been miserable alone, but he certainly wouldn’t mind finding someone to be the ‘right person’ for after Mikey leaves.

*_*_*

Thursday morning is unseasonably warm. It’s Indian summer finally come to Jersey and Gerard hates it. Yesterday was his day off and it was lovely and crisp and cool. He’d sat outside and drawn for hours. He feels like he just got used to the nice cool mornings, but instead today when he leaves the house he finds the air sticky and oppressive. It irritates him because he wasn’t prepared for it. He’s wearing long sleeves and briefly considers going back into the house to change. He’s already running a little late, though, so he doesn’t. He does have an extra t-shirt in his office at work, but it’s old and worn-out and even though he knows most of his customers aren’t really going to judge him by the professionalism of his dress, he can’t bring himself to change into it. Instead he turns the air conditioner back on and tells himself that one day in October isn’t going to be the end of the world for his utility bill.

The warmth irritates him as he walks down to get his lunch. Apparently he’s scowling because James asks him what’s wrong right away and they spend a few minutes bemoaning the ever fickle New Jersey weather.

The day improves after lunch, though, when Gerard gets a few phone calls from people interested in his job opening. He sets up three interviews for next week.

He starts thinking about Frank again pretty quickly after that’s done. He’d managed to keep his mind occupied with other things for most of the day, but he can’t any longer. He resolves not to go over to Rebel Tatts today, deciding instead to wait a day or so and see if Frank will come into the comic store. If he likes comic books so much, there’s no reason for him not to drop by. Gerard’s probably being needlessly stubborn, but he just isn’t quite ready to ask Frank out. It’s too soon, anyway, since they only just officially met a few days ago.

Once Gerard’s made his mind up, he manages to stay busy with customers and his ever increasing backlog of busy work, and the afternoon and evening pass by like any normal day. He’s reminded of the heat again though, when he goes to turn off the air conditioning and wonders if he’ll be sorry in the morning if it stays overly warm like this all night. He doesn’t want the store to be hot when he opens tomorrow, but he can’t rationalize running the A/C overnight in October with no one here, so he turns it off.

It’s still humid when Gerard leaves for the evening. He’s just locking up the shop when Frank comes out of Rebel Tatts. He smiles as soon as he sees Gerard. “Hey Gerard, closing up?”

Gerard smiles back and nods. “Yup.” He immediately begins trying to think of something else to say, some way to make Frank keep talking to him so Gerard can figure out if they really do have anything in common. His mind is completely blank. This is why Gerard is so terrible at meeting people.

“I’m done for the day, too,” Frank says, shouldering his backpack. “I like the early shift. I need most of my evenings free.”

“Oh, really?” Gerard waits to see if Frank will give him any more information, but he remains quiet as they walk to their cars. All Gerard can think to say is. “I hate this fucking heat, man. I’ll never understand why we have to have summer twice.”

“I know what you mean.” Frank nods and stops when they get to his car. “Sometimes I don’t mind it, though. I mean, fall is my favorite season, but sometimes that last taste of summer in October is nice. One last bit of warmth before it starts getting colder and colder each day.” He shrugs as he turns to unlock his car.

“I guess.” Gerard scratches his head and yells at himself in his mind to say something, anything, to prolong the conversation and keep Frank from leaving. Frank’s being totally friendly and Gerard’s wasting his chance. Finally he spits out, “So, how about ice cream?”

Frank looks up, puzzled. “Ice cream?”

“I mean, ice cream. Do you… want to get some? With me, I mean.” Gerard shakes his head and wants the asphalt to open up and swallow him.

Frank smiles, but shakes his head. “I can’t tonight. I have plans.” He opens his car door.

“Oh ok, that’s cool.” Gerard scratches his head. “Tomorrow maybe?”

Frank sits down in the driver’s seat. “Don’t think so, but thanks for the invite. See you tomorrow, Gerard.”

Frank closes his car door and backs out of the parking space. Gerard watches him drive away and feels like a complete loser.

++++++++
Frank Iero goes straight home every day after work. Well, every day since he started the new job. Before he started the new job, he went straight home after he was finished job hunting for the day. This has been his routine ever since he moved back to Jersey just over a month ago after living in the city for many years.

Frank goes straight home unless he has errands that he absolutely must run. He tries to do those things on his lunch break if he can, though.

Frank has to go straight home because the contract with the woman who cares for his mother during the day is for exactly ten hours. After that, the hourly rate doubles.

His mother really doesn’t like the woman who stays with her during the day.

Frank goes straight home from work because he can’t stand leaving his mother with someone she doesn’t like taking care of her for any longer than is strictly necessary.
++++++++

Gerard draws a lot of angry scenes that night that have nothing at all to do with the story line of his comic.

He’s frustrated. He admits it. He put himself out there and he got shut down and it sucks. Now he’s taking it out on imaginary creatures - werewolves and zombies and vampires - and it’s making him feel marginally better.

Only marginally, though.

Mikey’s no help at all. When Gerard relayed the meeting in the parking lot to him, all he said was, “Maybe he really did have plans.” Then he had shrugged and walked out of the room.

Gerard can accept having plans one night, but turning him down for the next day, also? Frank didn’t even seem to actually consider it. He was obviously blowing Gerard off.

It’s disheartening because Frank had seemed so nice at first and Gerard was really excited at the prospect of starting to date someone new. He hadn’t realized how much he’d let himself get his hopes up about Frank. Obviously, he had, though, and now he’s paying the price with his extreme melancholy and inability to concentrate on anything except drawing blood and gore.

*_*_*

The next day Gerard decides that he isn’t going to approach Frank again. If they happen to see each other, he’ll be nice, but that’s it. He’s not a glutton for punishment. He tried. Frank obviously isn’t interested and that’s fine.

Frank surprises him, though, by coming in to the store during his lunch break. He’s all smiles as he walks in, waving at Gerard where he’s standing behind the counter and making a beeline for the new releases display. “Oh man, so many of these I’ve been wanting to read. Can’t wait until I get my first paycheck.”

It takes Gerard a minute to come up with a reasonable response to this. He’s really surprised to see Frank in here at all after yesterday’s refusal. Finally, he asks, “Is there anything you want me to set aside for you?”

Frank shakes his head as he puts down the volume he had been looking at. When he looks up, his expression seems unsure. It’s not a look Gerard has seen on him before. Frank takes a deep breath and walks over to the counter to stand across from Gerard, gently drumming his fingertips on it. When he breathes out he says, “So I wanted to explain about last night-”

“It’s fine,” Gerard interrupts him with a wave of his hand.

“No, I mean,” Frank swallows, “it is fine. I just mean I want you to know that I didn’t say no because I don’t want to hang out with you or anything like that.”

Gerard raises his eyebrows and waits to see if Frank will go on before he says, “Okay,” uncertainly.

Frank continues. “Right. Because, I mean, I really think that I would like to hang out with you sometime. I just can’t do it after work is all. I mean, unless we planned it ahead.” Frank scratches his head and furrows his brow. “I know that sounds sketchy, I just can’t do things last-minute. I have to get home.”

Gerard laughs. “You know that seems awfully suspicious, right?” Frank smirks and nods. Gerard tries to keep his tone light, but he has to ask, “Are you secretly married or something?”

Frank lifts up his left hand to show that there’s no ring and no tan line from the lack of one. “No, nothing like that. I’m perfectly single,” he says, smiling.

Gerard believes him because he wants to. Eventually he says, “You aren’t going to tell me what it is though?” It isn’t really a question.

Frank shakes his head, a sad look flitting across his features momentarily. It’s gone almost as soon as it came, and he brightens, saying, “I do want to hang out with you though.”

Gerard decides not to pry further. “That would be cool. You know, if you can fit it into your busy schedule.”

Frank snorts. His eyes twinkle a little as he looks at Gerard. “Hey.” He appears to remember something. “I’m going to Ray’s show tomorrow night. Are you going to be there?”

Gerard nods. “Yup, I’ll be there.”

“Awesome.” Frank thumps the counter with his fists for emphasis as he says it. “So I’ll see you there and we can hang out, talk, whatever.” He leans away from the counter, letting his hands fall off it.

“Sounds like a plan.” Gerard gives a thumbs up and immediately feels like the biggest dork on the planet.

Frank is still smiling at him, though, as he backs toward the door. “Cool. I’ll see you tomorrow night, then.” He waves as he walks out.

“Cool,” Gerard breathes out, even though Frank has gone and he’s alone in the store now. He shakes himself, trying to dislodge his fuzzy sense of bewilderment. He doesn’t want to be nosy, but he can’t help that he’s as curious as ever about Frank now. Mostly though, he’s just relieved to know that Frank’s refusal yesterday was apparently not the rejection Gerard had interpreted it to be.

As soon as Gerard lets that feeling of relief settle, a new sense of anxiety rushes through his veins as he starts thinking about the show tomorrow night and considers what he should wear and how he should act. His resulting feelings of panic remind him exactly why he doesn’t date.

*_*_*

“Maybe he’s a secret agent,” Alicia suggests at dinner that night as she takes the last egg roll out of the carton.

“I doubt secret agents would be allowed to have so many visible tattoos,” Mikey points out.

Alicia shrugs. “I guess. But he could still have some kind of super secret government job if he’s a genius at like, explosives or something.”

Mikey takes the last portion of sweet & sour chicken and makes a face. “Eh, I don’t see it. I think it’s more likely that he’s hiding some big, dark secret. Like, when he came in the store that first day we talked about horror movies for almost all of his lunch break. Maybe he has bodies in his basement.”

“He spent his lunch break in your store on his first day?” Gerard cuts in.

Mikey nods. “Yep, he was super curious. He said he’d only been in a sex shop once before and it was totally different than Ray’s place. I think Ray was annoyed though, because he wanted to show things off but Frank kept getting distracted talking about movies with me.”

“Huh,” Gerard huffs. It’s completely irrational for him to be jealous that Mikey has talked to Frank more than him, but he can’t quite help it. He only gets stuck on that train of thought for a second before refocusing. “You guys aren’t being serious though. I mean, it’s obviously something important to him. What’s something plausible?”

Alicia cocks her head to the side. “Maybe he has kids.”

Mikey shakes his head. “Nah, he seems like a totally above-the-board kind of guy. He wouldn’t keep kids a secret just like he wouldn’t keep it a secret if he was married.”

“Yeah, I guess not.” Alicia shrugs. “I really have no idea, Gee. He’s worked for me four days now and I honestly don’t know that much more about him than you guys. He’s pretty much all business. Doesn’t really talk about himself.”

“He hasn’t ever talked about his personal life at all?” Gerard asks, grabbing the last dumpling before anyone else can claim it.

Alicia shakes her head. “I guess he’s talked about it if someone’s asked something specific, but it’s mostly about what he did when he lived in the city - all stuff that’s in the past.”

“That seems kind of… sad,” Gerard says before taking a bite.

“He doesn’t act like he’s sad, though,” Mikey counters.

Alicia says, “True.” Gerard nods as he chews.

“No, he seems happy enough, but we all just met him, you know?” Alicia says, reasonably. “Which is why I think we’ve done enough speculating for tonight; Gee, you’re going to make yourself crazy. Let’s just give the guy the benefit of the doubt, okay? When he’s ready, I’m sure he’ll open up to us and there’s no reason to obsess over it before then.”

“I agree,” Mikey pipes in before he lifts his beer to drink as if the matter is settled.

Gerard sighs. “You’re right,” he has to admit. “I know you’re both right… Okay, I’ll let it go.” For now, Gerard thinks to himself. He’ll let it go for now.

*_*_*

Gerard stands along the wall all during Ray’s band’s set and watches Frank in the pit. He’s kind of a maniac.

No. He’s totally a maniac. Gerard sort of wishes he could say that he’s never seen anything like it, but he’s been to a lot of shows in his time. However, Frank does rank right up there with the craziest guys he’s ever seen in the pit. Sometimes Gerard is one of the crazy guys in the pit, but never quite like Frank, and not tonight. Tonight he’s just this side of too nervous to let himself go like that.

He’s loving watching Frank let himself go, though. It’s the most intense thing he’s seen in a long time. Frank loses himself to the rhythm of the music, knocking into bodies and flailing his limbs. He seems to have his eyes closed a lot of the time, but he’s smiling. He’s totally into it, but not in an angry way. Gerard is impressed by the display. He feels like a creeper, though, because he can tell that Frank isn’t trying to show off for anyone - he’s simply lost in the sound and the emotion. Gerard knows it’s weird to just stand there and stare, but he can’t help it. He seems to lose all his social graces when it comes to Frank. Not that he ever really had social graces to begin with.

When the band’s set ends, Frank moves out of the crowd and finds Gerard where he’s planted against the wall. Frank pushes his hair back and wipes the sweat off his face with the hem of his shirt. While it’s lifted, Gerard can see that Frank has ink on his belly, too. He can tell there are letters, but he doesn’t catch what they say. When Frank finishes wiping his face, he grins at Gerard and says, panting still, “Ray’s fucking awesome, man!”

Gerard nods and offers Frank the water bottle he’s been holding. Frank takes it and gulps down a few swallows before he upends the rest of the bottle, pouring it over his head. Gerard swallows as he watches droplets of water travel down through Frank’s hair, then along the side of his face and around his jaw, before settling in the hollow of his throat. It’s a minute before Gerard realizes that Frank’s raised his eyebrows at him and appears to be completely aware of the affect he’s having on Gerard.

Gerard tries to bring his brain back online. “Yeah, they’re pretty awesome. I was super excited when they decided to start playing shows again.”

Frank considers Gerard for a moment. Cocking his head to the side, he brings his hand up to rub around the side of his neck and licks his lips. “Yeah,” he says, and then straightens up abruptly, dropping the now empty water bottle to the floor and grabbing Gerard’s wrist. “You wanna go outside? Get some air?”

Gerard nods and lets Frank pull him through the throng of bodies, across the room and out into the alleyway outside. Frank doesn’t stop by the band of smokers near the door. Instead, he pulls Gerard to the far end of the building and doesn’t pause until they’re past the dumpsters. It smells kind of rank, but Gerard can’t bring himself to really care because Frank’s pushing him up against the brick wall of the club and running his fingers around on Gerard’s neck.

Frank licks his lips once more and then leans up to plant a kiss firmly on Gerard’s lips. Gerard can’t even try to play it cool. He opens his mouth immediately, allowing Frank’s insistent tongue inside and pushing back with his own. Their tongues tangle and Gerard gasps as Frank surges up against him, pressing their bodies together. Gerard can feel the wetness from the water Frank dumped on his shirt seeping into his own. This seems to wake him up as he finally puts his hands on Frank, first grasping around his waist, and then slowly rubbing up and down his back as the kiss deepens.

Frank is fucking delicious, Gerard keeps thinking as he angles his head slightly and pushes his tongue in deeper while Frank makes these tiny little sighing noises in the back of his throat. When Frank finally pulls back, he gasps and turns his face to the side, nuzzling against Gerard’s cheek and placing wet little kisses all along the side of his neck and face by his ear. Eventually, he seems to run out of steam and shoves his face into Gerard’s neck, panting for a few seconds before he says, “I never do things like this.”

He sounds upset about it and Gerard instinctively feels protective. He pulls Frank closer against him and wraps his hands around his hips more tightly. “It’s okay,” he says softly and strokes Frank’s back.

Frank pulls back to look up at Gerard. “I know, it’s just… I just don’t want you to think…” He shakes his head. “I’m not just all about hooking up, I mean… I like you. I’m interested in you.”

Gerard pushes Frank’s hair back off his face and tucks it behind his ear. He runs the backs of his fingers over Frank’s cheek lightly. “Okay, that’s fine. I mean, I believe you.”

Frank’s face relaxes a little and the corner of his mouth turns up in an almost-smile. “You just look so fucking hot tonight.”

Gerard laughs. “Me? I look hot? What about you? You and all your crazy moves in the pit.” Gerard shakes Frank’s shoulders gently. “You’re a fucking maniac! I couldn’t take my eyes off you.”

Frank shrugs. The movement feels nice under Gerard’s hands where he’s gripping him. He likes the way Frank’s body feels moving under his hands and his mind immediately wanders away thinking about all the other ways that Frank could move his body under Gerard’s. He’s almost startled by it when Frank replies, “Whatever. You’re like, all dark and mysterious, brooding in the corner with your eyeliner and leather jacket.”

That startles a laugh out of Gerard. All he can think to say is, “I wasn’t in the corner.”

Frank just laughs and says, “Wall, whatever,” before moving up to kiss Gerard again.

Gerard isn’t sure how long they make out against the side of the building, hands roaming everywhere but there, hard-ons growing painful, before Frank finally pulls away and plants his forehead against Gerard’s chest. He breathes deeply for a little while, his fingers running around on Gerard’s belly and hips, clearly trying to calm himself. Eventually Gerard decides to bite the bullet and says, “Come home with me.”

Frank shakes his head against Gerard’s chest immediately. “Can’t,” he says and sounds completely sad about it. He pulls his phone out of his pocket and jerks away quickly. “Shit, fuck. Is that really what time it is?”

Gerard pulls out his phone to see that it agrees with Frank’s. “Yeah, almost midnight. We could go get coffee or something, I know a diner nearby-”

He’s cut off when Frank leans up to kiss him again. It’s hard and fast, but then he pulls away. “I have to go now. I’m sorry.” Gerard knows his face must fall visibly because Frank looks so upset, his brow furrowed as he says, “I just can’t tonight, but we will.” He leans forward one last time to plant a firm close-mouthed kiss on Gerard’s lips as if he can’t help himself. “Another time,” he says, pulling away. “We will. I promise.” And then he turns and walks quickly down the alley and around the side of the building without even looking back.

++++++++
Frank rushes home to find his aunt asleep on the couch. She isn’t waiting, watching the clock and counting the minutes past the time when Frank said he would be back. Frank doesn’t wake her.

Frank finds his mother sound asleep in her room. She looks peaceful when she’s sleeping. He doesn’t wake her either.

He goes straight to bed so he can get as much sleep as possible before his mother wakes in the morning. She’s an early riser.
++++++++

When Gerard gets home, he goes straight for the shower. He’d texted the guys that he was wiped and heading out early before driving home, trying to get his hard-on to relax during the short drive. It’s mostly gone by the time he walks into the empty house, pulling his shirt off over his head before he even reaches the bathroom door. He shucks his jeans and pulls his briefs off with them before stepping into the shower stall and turning on the water. Turning his face up to the spray, he closes his eyes. He can’t stop thinking about Frank’s body, so tight and strong, moving under his hands. He imagines what that body looks like naked, ink swirled out all over his skin. Frank’s tattoos are like a puzzle Gerard wants to solve. He wants to know what the words are, wants to trace the letters with his fingers and tongue.

His hand is on his dick before he even realizes it and his hard-on is back with a vengeance. He can’t help it. He almost feels guilty because Frank said he isn’t just looking for a hook up, but Gerard is only human. He could feel how hard Frank was while they were making out tonight. He knows Frank wants him, too.

Gerard tries to slow down. If he’s going to jerk off thinking about Frank, then he’s going to make it good. He strokes himself slowly and takes a deep breath, remembering how it felt holding Frank’s hips while they kissed. Slim hips, but not skinny – perfect, Gerard thinks. He licks his lips as he tilts his head back, feeling the warm water rush over his skin. He adds a little twist to his stroke as he remembers Frank’s taste. He feels like it’s still lingering in his mouth. He never wants it to go away.

He pictures Frank’s lips when he pulled away from their kisses. They were red and raw and shiny. Used. Gerard imagines those lips stretched around his cock, sucking him down. In his mind, he can see Frank looking up at him with his big eyes, his face flushed as he goes all the way down. Gerard has no idea if Frank would really be able to take all of him down - only a couple of guys have ever been able to - but in his imagination, Frank takes him easily. And with his nose buried in Gerard’s pubes, he’d close his eyes and hum.

Gerard jerks himself faster now, thinking about it. He knows Frank’s mouth would be hot and tight and perfect. He can almost feel it. He can feel how it would be when the head of his dick hits the back of Frank’s throat, nearly choking him and that’s it, that’s all he can take. Gerard seizes up and comes hard, his breath hitching as he spurts all over his hand.

He keeps stroking himself through the aftershocks, licking his lips and thinking about coming down Frank’s throat. It’s a beautiful image. He thinks he’ll be adding it to his spank bank permanently.

When Gerard finally gets out of the shower, he towels off and heads straight to bed, not even bothering to pick up his clothes. He lays down naked and lights up a cigarette, inhaling deeply as he closes his eyes and imagines what it would be like to curl up with Frank after sex and stay close like that for the whole night.

*_*_*

Gerard is in the back room doing some organizing Monday morning when he hears the door to the store open.

He didn’t sleep well and woke up an hour before his alarm went off for no apparent reason so he’d decided to come in early and get a head start on the week. Even with his teenagers helping him out over the weekend, they were so busy with customers that he wasn’t able to get any work done in the back. It wasn’t a particularly restful weekend and Gerard’s exhausted. He’ll be glad once he hires someone new and can give himself an extra day off during the week occasionally.

He stands up from the low shelf he’s been organizing and turns toward the front room, expecting to see Ray with the donuts since it’s his turn to bring them. He’s startled when he sees Frank standing just inside the door looking around anxiously. Gerard is somewhat surprised to see Frank here after his disappearing Cinderella act on Saturday night that left Gerard more than a little bit bewildered. He accidentally bumps into a box as he turns and it skids across the floor, getting Frank’s attention. “Gee? Gerard?” he says and starts walking toward the storeroom. He stops when he sees Gerard in the doorway and offers up an awkward wave. Gerard simply looks at him for a moment and wonders who Frank’s been hearing call him ‘Gee’. Frank clears his throat. “Hi.” He tries for a tentative smile and bites his lip.

Gerard really can’t help it. He has to smile back. That seems to put Frank at ease, as he breathes out a long stream of air as if he was holding his breath. “Hi,” Gerard finally says.

Frank walks closer, right into Gerard’s space and places his hands on Gerard’s arms. “So, um… I really think that we should exchange phone numbers because I couldn’t stop thinking about you all day yesterday and really wished that I could just call you so that we could talk, but I’m an idiot and never got your number, so I couldn’t.”

“You’re not an idiot.”

“Okay?” Frank raises his eyebrow like he’s waiting and Gerard puts his hand out. Frank just looks at it and eventually says, “What?”

Gerard laughs. “Give me your phone and I’ll program my number in and then you can put yours in mine.”

“Oh,” Frank says, huffing out a little laugh. “Okay.”

They exchange phones and put their numbers in. Gerard can’t help the tremendous feeling of relief he has that Frank came here this morning, but he wonders what it’s going to take for Frank to trust him enough to tell him what his deal is.

When Gerard gives Frank’s phone back, he grabs his hand and doesn’t let go. Frank looks up at him unsurely and raises his eyebrows. “Have lunch with me, today.” Frank hesitates, but Gerard pulls on his hand, yanking him closer and lets his other hand fall on Frank’s hip. “Don’t tell me you have to get home during your lunch break. I know you hung out with Mikey and Ray during your break last week.” Frank shakes his head and Gerard continues. “I can’t really leave the store, but we could talk here.”

“I-” Frank hesitates for another second before he seems to deflate. “Okay.”

“Yeah?”

Frank nods and leans up to kiss Gerard.

They don’t get to kiss for very long before the door opens and Gerard hears Ray saying, “Oh shit, sorry. I’ll come back.”

Frank pulls away. “No, it’s fine, Ray. I have to go do some things before work anyway.” He squeezes Gerard’s hand and says, “I’ll see you later.”

Gerard nods as he watches Frank walk out. It takes him a few seconds to notice Ray gaping at him. “What?”

Ray shakes his head. “I just can’t believe you guys are already making out! I owe Mikey twenty bucks!”

*_*_*

Frank makes obscene noises as he eats his pizza. “Mmmmm… I think I have an official crush on James. I haven’t had anything that tasted like real pizza since I moved back from the city.”

Gerard smiles to himself. Frank can’t see it since he has his eyes closed, totally absorbed in his foodgasm. Right now Gerard is pretty glad that James is totally straight. “Yeah, James is awesome. He has his specialties, but he’ll make almost anything for anyone if they ask nicely.”

Frank swallows, finally opening his eyes again as he says, “He’s awesome. I can’t believe he special-ordered all these fake cheeses for me.” Frank licks some of said cheese off his fingers and Gerard’s mind wanders. “When I lived in New York, there were a lot of places I could go and get good soy or rice cheese pizzas, but the suburbs suck. Around here they’ll make it for you without cheese, but almost no place has fake cheeses. I usually have to make it myself.” Frank licks his lips as he gathers up his food wrappers and tosses them into the trash can. “It sucks, too, because good fake cheese is expensive.”

“And I’m willing to bet James didn’t charge you any extra for your pizza,” Gerard guesses.

Frank shakes his head. “Nope. Same price as the regular ones.”

Gerard nods. “Yeah, he’s awesome like that.” He scratches his head. “And he’s crazy about cheese in general. I remember back when he opened that place he kept going on and on about how he was going to have all these great artisan cheeses and Belleville wouldn’t know what hit it. There weren’t really any other gourmet sandwich shops in town at that time.” Gerard thinks for a moment as he twirls a strand of hair around his finger. “I guess there are a couple of other fancy sandwich places here now, but I don’t think they’re nearly as good as Lovin’ Oven and they don’t have pizza.”

Frank nods. “Yeah, I’ve seen a couple of them since I moved back. I know there was nothing like that when I lived here as a kid.” He takes a swallow of his coke. “What amazes me about James, though, is not only does he have the awesome sandwiches and pizza at lunch time, but he has all those amazing breakfast pastries, too. The guy is a workaholic.”

Gerard laughs. “He totally is. He gets up in the middle of the night almost every day to start the ovens and he never complains. I mean, he has help, but still. It’s a ton of work for him with only two employees. He keeps costs down that way, though.” Gerard knows all about keeping costs down by doing as much work yourself as possible.

Frank turns his head to the side for a minute like he’s thinking through something. “You know that’s something I’ve noticed about all the stores in this strip mall. All of you are kind of workaholics.” Gerard shakes his head, but Frank keeps going. “No seriously, you all own your own business that you run independently, not part of any chains. That’s pretty impressive.”

Gerard shrugs. “I guess.”

Frank’s face softens. “It is. You guys should all be really proud of yourselves.”

Gerard shrugs again, suddenly feeling uncomfortable. He’s never been good at accepting praise or taking compliments. It was kind of a huge issue for him in art school. It annoyed his professors. He decides to change the subject. “So you lived in Belleville as a kid? I didn’t know that.”

Frank nods. “Yup, I grew up here.”

Gerard’s mind flashes back to something Mikey had said when he first talked to Gerard about Frank. “So, did you know Mikey in school? He said you’re only a year younger than him.”

Frank shakes his head. “Nah, I went to Catholic school; graduated from Queen of Peace.”

“Ah, ok.”

Frank narrows his eyes at Gerard. “How old are you anyway? You’re older than Mikey, right?”

Gerard laughs, thinking surely Frank can tell he’s older than Mikey simply by looking at him. “I’m 37.”

“No way!” Frank slaps his arm lightly.

Gerard laughs more. “Yes, way! I’m 37.” Frank slaps him again. “Why are you hitting me?” Gerard smiles as he grabs Frank’s hand and squeezes his fingers.

“Dude, you could pass for fucking 25! I wasn’t even sure if you were as old as me!”

“Shut up.”

“I’m serious!” Frank squeezes Gerard’s hand back. “Where is the fountain of youth? Come on, spill your secret.”

Gerard giggles like a little kid. He loves this. Frank is so easy to talk to and so full of smiles. Gerard can’t believe they’re sitting here like this together, having lunch… sort of maybe… dating? Gerard can’t believe his luck. How did this get to be his life? Frank’s still looking at him like he’s waiting for an answer. Eventually Gerard says, “I guess it’s just doing what you love.” He thinks for a second. “I love my job and it makes me happy. That makes me feel young, so yeah, I guess that’s it.”

Frank nods. “I can totally tell how much you care about your store. You really love comics, huh?”

Gerard nods. “I do. I’ve always wanted to write one of my own.” What? He hadn’t planned to say that. He never tells people that. He has no idea how that slipped out.

Frank’s eyes go wide. “Seriously? Do you draw?”

“Yeah.” Gerard suddenly feels inexplicably proud. “I went to art school in the city.”

“You’re shitting me.” Frank’s expression is incredulous.

Gerard shakes his head, grinning. “No, I got my Master’s. I went to SVA.”

Frank shoves Gerard’s shoulder. “Dude, that is so completely awesome! What other amazing talents are you hiding?” Frank looks around is if looking for Gerard’s other talents.

“I wasn’t hiding it!” Gerard argues. He scratches his head. “That’s really it, though.” He threads his fingers together with Frank’s. “I draw. I have a lot of ideas for comic book stories, that’s it.” He shrugs as he deflates.

Frank stares at him thoughtfully. “Have you ever tried to get published?” He’s calmed down and his voice is more serious now. Gerard shakes his head. “You should go for it. You have to know some people. I mean owning your own store and since you went to SVA.” Frank’s tone is totally earnest, his face so open and beautiful. “You should at least try.”

With Frank looking at him like that, Gerard suddenly really wants to try, more than he ever has before. It’s an overwhelming thought, though. He’s about to attempt some argument for why he can’t when the door opens and Alicia sticks her head in. “Frank, I love you, but I’m fucking starving and really need to go on my break.”

“Oh shit.” Frank pulls his hand back and looks at his watch. “Oh shit, I am so sorry Alicia.”

“It’s fine.” She shrugs and waves to Gerard. “Hey, Gee.”

“Hi, Alicia.” Gerard waves back.

Alicia ducks out, back into her own store and Frank stands up. “I’m like, 20 minutes late going back. I never lose track of time like that.” Frank furrows his brow as he stands up.

“I’m sorry,” Gerard says. “I wasn’t even paying attention to the time.”

“It’s okay. I should have like, told you what time my break ended.” Frank moves toward the door, still frowning. “I feel so bad.”

Gerard hates how upset Frank looks. He needs to put him at ease - it’s this strange protective instinct that he has for Frank. Before Frank gets to the door, Gerard says, “Frank.” Frank stops and looks at him. “Don’t worry about it. Alicia will be cool. Honestly, if she wasn’t hungry, she probably would have let you stay gone even longer.”

Frank shrugs. “Yeah probably, but I can’t afford the lost pay.” He’s almost out the door now.

“We’ll set an alarm next time, then, okay?” Gerard just has to confirm that there will be a ‘next time’. He doesn’t want Frank to avoid lunches with him if he thinks he won’t be able to get back to work on time.

Frank smiles tentatively. “Yeah, okay. Good plan.” He bites his lip. His eyes are sort of sparkly as he says, “Later, Gee.”

Gerard waves goodbye and thinks, later. He thinks, next time, and he feels so happy that he doesn’t know what to do with himself.

*_*_*

So it becomes a thing. Frank has lunch with Gerard two more times that week and it’s really nice. They talk… a lot. Well, Gerard talks. He somehow feels like Frank is a master at sidestepping personal questions. Gerard talks about himself and his life and Frank talks about what he likes and is interested in – movies, books, music, etc, but he doesn’t talk about his life, not really.

It’s frustrating Gerard.

He has good intentions every day of asking Frank the right questions and getting straight answers, but he always get derailed when Frank asks him all kinds of questions about his art school classes that he really loved, or genuinely seems to want his opinion on the Die Hard movies, or wants to see the new panels that Gerard drew for his comic late last night; then the alarm goes off on Frank’s phone and he has to go back to work.

It is really not cool at all.

*_*_*

It’s the following week before Gerard finally starts to feel like he’s making progress with getting Frank to open up. He’s been getting a little antsy, though, because he hasn’t really had a chance to actually be alone with Frank since Ray’s show and their epic make out session after. He wants more. Frank always kisses him hello and goodbye at the store, but it isn’t the same because anyone could walk in, so it’s usually pretty quick. Frank genuinely seems to want to see Gerard outside of work again, but whenever Gerard tries to press for a specific date, Frank puts him off and says, ‘it’s complicated.’ Gerard wants to be annoyed, but Frank always gets such a sad and frustrated look on his face that Gerard just lets it go.

It’s on Wednesday at lunch that he decides he isn’t going to let it go anymore. They’ve been talking steadily for about twenty minutes as they’ve been eating and it’s finally quiet as they chew companionably. Gerard swallows his bite and surprises himself a little when he asks, unprompted, “Why did you move back to Belleville?”

Frank’s quiet for a minute before he finally swallows and shrugs. “Family stuff.”

Gerard sighs. “You know,” he starts and tries to think of how to say this without pissing Frank off, he can be sensitive sometimes. “You know, we’ve known each other for a couple weeks now, and we talk almost every day, and I don’t even know where you live.”

Frank looks confused. “I live in Belleville.”

“You know that isn’t what I mean.” Frank just shrugs again. Gerard huffs. “Don’t shrug at me, man. I like you. I’m trying to get to know you, here.”

“I know that!” Frank snaps and pulls at his hair in agitation. “I know that, it’s just. It’s personal stuff. It’s kinda heavy, is all.”

Gerard takes in Frank’s surly expression. “You don’t trust me.”

Frank looks up at Gerard from under his fringe, his eyes are totally unguarded for a split second and in that moment he just looks so young. His voice is quiet when he says, “I don’t trust anyone.” It’s the most honest thing Gerard thinks he’s heard Frank say thus far. “It isn’t personal. I just… I haven’t known you that long. I don’t…” He sighs. “I don’t want to burden you with my personal shit.”

Gerard gasps and reaches for Frank’s hand. “Frank, it wouldn’t be a burden.”

Frank snatches his hand back and rubs his fists over his thighs. “No, I know. I just…” He shakes his head. “I can handle it. I’m fine.” He looks up, his eyes defiant. “I don’t want to talk about it anymore.”

Gerard is taken aback by Frank’s hostile expression. He holds his hands up in defeat. He feels utterly defeated. He sighs, intentionally softening his voice as he says, “It’s fine then.” He tentatively takes Frank’s hand again and Frank lets him. “We’ll talk about something else.”

Frank shakes himself, but doesn’t let go of Gerard’s hand and starts telling Gerard about the horror movie marathon he fell asleep watching last night and about the kickass zombie apocalypse dreams he had. Gerard doesn’t think he imagines the way Frank’s voice trembles when he first starts speaking, but it goes away soon enough. Gerard listens and shows the correct amount of excitement each time Frank pauses and feels a little bit like he’s holding a wounded baby animal and trying not to scare it away.

*_*_*

“Family stuff,” Alicia says, waving her hands vaguely. “That’s the best answer we’ve got out of him.”

“Family stuff?” Mikey repeats, raising his eyebrow. “Huh. That could mean just about anything.”

“I know, right?” Gerard says.

It’s Saturday night. Alicia is over for dinner as usual. Gerard tried, and was unsuccessful at, making plans with Frank for the weekend. Frank just kept saying he was ‘totally busy’ but he promised he would ‘make something work’ for next weekend. Gerard can still see Frank’s frustrated expression when he said how sorry he was. It was pretty upsetting, actually. Gerard shakes himself out of remembering it and lights up a cigarette.

“Sounds fishy,” Mikey says, as he pours after-dinner coffee for everyone. “I just don’t get why he wouldn’t say what the reason he moved was.”

Gerard nods. “That’s why I wanted to see if he’d said anything more to you guys.” He takes a quick drag. “I mean, to hear him talk about it, he was really happy in New York. Like,” Gerard waves his hand, “he practically fucking waxes poetic about his old roommates and his old band. He loved his job there. He’d been at that record company for like, five years.” Gerard blows out a long stream of smoke and frowns when he sees Alicia’s sour expression. He grabs her hand and squeezes it, smiling, trying to reassure her. “I don’t mean… I mean, he loves working for you. He really does.” She looks slightly mollified by that. “I just mean that it would have had to be something pretty drastic for him to leave everything he had in the city and come back to the suburbs. Like, whatever happened, it had to be that he had no choice, right? It doesn’t sound like this was something he was ever planning is all, you know?”

Mikey nods while dumping cream and sugar into his cup. “Yeah, I mean, I got that impression, too. He’s mentioned a couple times that he misses playing with his old band.”

Alicia shrugs. “It makes sense. I remember thinking that his work experience kinda made him overqualified for this job even though he only has a few college credits.” She swirls her spoon around in her coffee. “He’d been looking for a while, though. Like, I guess he started looking for jobs out here even before he moved back. The market’s just so terrible right now.” Alicia takes a long drink from her mug. When she puts it down, she says, “I felt bad even when I hired him because I know he’s gotta be making less working for me than he was making at his last job, but… I mean,” she shrugs one shoulder, “I like him, but there’s only so much I can do.”

Mikey scoots closer to her and rubs her shoulder. “No, you’re fine,” he says. “Frank knows what you’re paying him is fair. I’ve never heard him complain.”

“Me either,” Gerard chimes in. “He really likes working for you.” Gerard rushes to elaborate. “For one thing, he loves tattoos. And he said it’s all the same kind of administrative work he did at the record company, but since it’s a smaller operation, he actually has more control and he likes that a lot.”

“He said that?” Alicia smiles a little bit.

“Yeah.” Gerard nods, and finally takes a drink of his coffee.

Alicia shrugs. “Well, that’s good. He’s so much more organized than me or Pete ever were before he left. He’s made a huge difference already.” She reaches back and grabs Mikey’s hand. “And I know I said we should give him the benefit of the doubt, but I’m starting to worry about him.” She shakes her head. “I don’t know why, I just feel like he doesn’t really have anyone looking out for him, you know? He left all his friends back in the city and I think he likes us well enough, but he’s just so hard to crack. I don’t know why he’s so scared to let us get close.”

“I know what you mean,” Mikey says after a beat. “I feel that way, too. Like, I know he’s only a year younger than me, but sometimes I look at him and he just seems really young… He’d probably be pissed to hear me say that, though; he always likes to seem so badass.”

Gerard nods and stares into his coffee as if it holds answers. “Yeah, I feel strangely protective about him.” He shrugs and looks up. “I mean, obviously part of that is because I like like him.” Alicia and Mikey both attempt to repress their giggles at that. They’re not really successful, but Gerard continues anyway. “But I don’t remember feeling this way about other people I’ve dated… at least not right away.”

Mikey looks thoughtful for a moment. “He really likes you, Gee.” Gerard opens his mouth to say, ‘I know,’ but Mikey puts his hand up and stops him. “I just mean that I think if you told him you were worried, like, put it like that, you know, that you care… maybe he’d be more likely to share with you about what’s going on.”

Gerard shakes his head. “He’d be offended. I tried to ask once before. He totally blew me off, said he can handle it.”

“Okay then, maybe if you just say like, off the cuff – is there anything you can do to help him, because like,” Mikey waves his hand, nearly knocking over his coffee, (he doesn’t even seem to notice when Alicia reaches over to steady it) “just say you really like him and so you want to be there for him and stuff because you can’t help it. You just get like that when you’re super into someone. You get like… attached.”

Gerard laughs because it sounds funny the way Mikey’s saying it, but also because it’s true.

Alicia laughs too. “That’s totally how you get, Gee.”

“I know, I know.” Gerard sighs. “I guess I could try that, maybe one more time. I don’t want to keep digging, though, and scare him away, you know?” Mikey and Alicia both nod and seem to not know what else to say. Gerard sighs again. “But I’ll give it one more try, I guess… I think I like him too much to let this go. Even if it makes him mad, it might be worth it if it turns out that I can help him.”

Alicia rubs Gerard’s arm. “You’re too sweet, Gee. I never understood how you were single for so long.” She smiles. “I told Frank not to get with you unless he wanted someone who was all-in. I told him you don’t know how to be any other way.” Gerard never knew Alicia thought that about him. He isn’t sure how to respond to it, but Alicia continues. “He’s seeing you anyway, though, and he was warned. So he should expect you to care. If he gets mad at you I’ll remind him of what I said.”

Gerard shakes his head. “It’s fine, Alicia, I can handle it.”

“Oh, I know you can,” she says brightly, squeezing Gerard’s arm. “But let’s just say that Frank isn’t the only person I feel protective of.”

Gerard smiles and doesn’t push Alicia off when she leans into his side and hugs him.

*_*_*

“A dry cleaner,” Ray says, as he ticks off on one of his fingers. “A nail place.” He touches another. “Two different Chinese restaurants, a pharmacy, a daycare.” He looks at Gerard. “What else, Gee?”

Gerard thinks back, trying to remember all the various businesses that have occupied the empty unit in the strip mall. “There was a Laundromat, just after the dry cleaners.” He scratches his head. “I think it was a bank for a little while when I was in school, but that was before I took over at Dreamland.”

“That’s crazy.” Frank shakes his head, a look of disbelief on his face. They’re all at Lover’s Lane during Frank’s break on Monday and Gerard doesn’t like how long he’s been away from his store. He had reluctantly agreed to come over for a few minutes when Frank had argued that Gerard shouldn’t be the only person he spends his break with and said that he likes talking to Ray and Mikey, too. Gerard’s agitated though, and he keeps watching out the window to see if it looks like anyone’s heading toward Dreamland. Frank throws his sandwich wrapper at him to get his attention. “And nothing ever lasted longer than six months?”

“I think the dry cleaner lasted the longest,” Ray says. “Like, maybe just over six months. The shortest ever was the psychic.” Ray cracks up as he says this and Gerard joins in, giggling.

“That was just last year; we totally hazed them. It was actually really awful. We were so terribly mean.” Gerard says, but he can’t help laughing.

Ray points at Mikey and pokes him in the chest. “It was all Mikey and Pete’s fault, man, they ran the whole campaign.”

Frank giggles. “That sounds awesome, I’m kinda pissed I missed that, actually.”

“Oh, don’t worry.” Mikey shakes his head and ruffles Frank’s hair. “Something else will move in soon enough and we’ll be placing bets before you know it.”

Frank raises his eyebrows. “What? So you place bets on how long you think these places will last?”

“Yup.” Mikey nods. “Pete was always the champion, but now that he’s gone, I’m sure I can kick all your asses.”

Frank laughs harder, growing practically hysterical before he pauses and grabs Gerard’s hand, trying to catch his breath. “Wait, wait,” he pants. “But… it totally has to be cursed right?” He looks around at all of them. “I mean, that’s the only plausible explanation.”

Ray shrugs. “I don’t know. It’s pretty small and far from the main road and the sign is on the bottom of the marquee. I think it’s just too hard to notice.”

Frank shakes his head. “I don’t buy it.” He looks around again. “Who’s been here the longest?” Mikey and Gerard point at Ray. Frank turns toward him. “Did you ever go inside the unit while it was empty? See if it has any weird vibes?”

“Oh sure, I went in there,” Ray confirms. “When I first started the shop both that unit and this one were empty. I had my choice.”

“Why’d you choose this one?” Frank asks.

“Because it’s bigger,” Ray says simply.

Frank raises his eyebrows and nods. “And also not cursed.” He waves a hand around. “And see how you’ve managed to stay in business all this time!”

Ray laughs. “Frank, how many other sex shops are there in Belleville?”

Frank considers this for a moment, a flush spreads up his cheeks before he finally says, “Well, none I guess.”

“Exactly,” Ray says, patting Frank’s shoulder. “That’s how I’ve managed to stay in business all this time.” He points at Gerard. “The same is true for Gerard and James, too,” he says as he waves out the window. “There just isn’t enough competition to put us out of business.”

Frank ponders this and eventually says. “But what about Alicia? There are two other tattoo places in Belleville.”

Mikey grins and answers before either of the others can. “Well, Alicia’s the best, that’s all,” he says proudly. “And she only hires the best people.” He pushes Frank gently as he says that and Frank lights up.

It’s quieter after that. They all seem to be lost in their own thoughts about the conversation while finishing up their lunches. Gerard walks to the window and looks out to make sure no one’s at the door of his store. He notices absently that it looks like it might rain.

The drops start to fall just as he and Frank get back to his store. They’re safe under the overhang, but still move inside quickly so they don’t get wet.

“Man, I so wanna go in the empty unit sometime, just to see what it’s like,” Frank says once they get inside. “You ever been in there when it was empty?”

Gerard shakes his head. “Nope, and it always seemed perfectly fine when I went in while it was occupied.” Gerard scratches his eyebrow, thoughtful for a moment. “Well, except for the psychic. That shit was crazy creepy.”

Frank’s eyes get big. “Ooooh, I bet it was! I haven’t been to a psychic in ages. We should totally go sometime. It’s all bullshit, but it’s so fun!”

Gerard raises an eyebrow. “Oh yeah?”

Frank nods. “Yeah! I mean… oh…” he seems to deflate right in front of Gerard’s eyes and Gerard moves over to him quickly to try and stop it.

Gerard takes his hands and squeezes them. “We’ll totally go sometime. We will.” He rubs his thumbs over the tops of Frank’s hands. “We’ll plan it in advance.”

Frank brightens up minutely at this and gives Gerard a small smile. Gerard can’t help but kiss him then and he doesn’t stop until Frank’s phone alarm goes off to tell him he has to go back to work.

*_*_*

Gerard has a ‘routine’ for when he is stressed. Alicia once told him that it’s actually kind of a girly routine. She didn’t mean it in a mocking way at all, just informative. Gerard only gave her the very short version of his speech about how horrible gender stereotypes are. Of course she would never have known about Gerard’s routine for stress if Mikey hadn’t invited her to sleep over without telling Gerard. This was when they first started dating and Gerard wasn’t used to having her around all the time.

The thing is that the only bathtub in the house is on the second floor where Mikey’s room is and of course Gerard wouldn’t think to lock the door or close the shower curtain because the only other person who was supposed to be in the house was Mikey.

Alicia walked in on Gerard having his ‘routine’ because Gerard’s routine involves taking a hot bubble bath. He hadn’t locked the door because he hadn’t known that Alicia had slept over. It had actually ended up being totally fine, though, because Gerard’s stress at the time had been about how to manage some issues he was having with distributors and Alicia had turned out to have a lot of good advice from her experiences with ordering supplies for her shop.

Gerard goes to Alicia kind of a lot for business advice now. He just didn’t know before she started dating Mikey and hanging around the house all the time how good she is at all of it. Gerard’s kind of in awe of her. Mostly, though, he just wishes he’d known all this about her before Mikey’d moved back home. He would have gone to her for advice years ago. Ray and James are really helpful, but they both tend to be too much like Gerard about a lot of things. That is, they’re too nice. Alicia is a sweetheart as a friend and girlfriend, but when it comes to business, she’s kind of a hardass.

But anyway, Gerard has a routine and he’s having his routine right now because he is stressed. And he’s actually not thinking about Alicia at all, he’s thinking about Frank. He’s thinking about Frank and he’s remembering the taste of Frank’s tongue and the way it felt in his mouth as he pushed Gerard against the wall of the storeroom today during his break.

Gerard takes a long drag of his cigarette and closes his eyes, remembering.

They had finished eating and were sitting together behind the counter. Gerard had just started giving Frank a very stilted and awkward version of Mikey’s speech from the other night. He had talked about how he gets attached quickly and how it would mean a lot to him to know that Frank trusts him and how he just wants to make sure that Frank knows that Gerard’s available and willing to help him with whatever because he cares about Frank and wants to be there for him. Gerard had just finished with that explanation and hadn’t even asked Frank a question about anything when Frank had suddenly stood up and dragged him back into the storeroom.

Frank had turned Gerard and shoved him against the wall and shut the door. Gerard had started to say ‘someone could come in-’, but then Frank’s tongue was in his mouth and he found that he wasn’t particularly interested in talking anymore. Gerard takes one more deep drag off his cigarette before dropping it into the ashtray on the floor. Then he gives in and snakes his hand down under the water and remembers. Frank had bitten his neck hard a couple of times before he undid Gerard’s pants and slid his hand inside. It was awkward and too dry at first, but then Frank pulled his hand out and licked his fingers, watching Gerard with hooded eyes the whole time.

Frank had surged up to kiss Gerard once he got his hand back on Gerard’s dick. It was better that time. Gerard can practically feel it as he begins to stroke himself in the tub as he thinks about the feel of Frank’s hand on his dick. Frank stroked him fast and hard right away, he didn’t hold back, gasping, “Don’t have much time,” into Gerard’s neck. Gerard knew it was true. He wasn’t sure how many minutes Frank had left of his break, but it couldn’t be more than a few. Gerard had gone for Frank’s jeans then, surprising himself with how easily he got them open even though his hands were shaking.

Gerard increases the speed of his strokes, splashing water over the side of the tub, as he pictures how gorgeous Frank’s dick had looked -- and how good it had felt, red and hard, hot and leaking. Gerard had been so worried about them being too loud in case someone came into the store and he didn’t realize. He’d kept his mouth on Frank’s almost the whole time. Soon they were able to match each other’s rhythm, panting into each other’s mouths as they stroked. Gerard hadn’t even needed to lick his hand because Frank’s dick had been so wet with precome already, he’d just spread it around when he first started stroking.

The thought of Frank being so hard and so turned on for Gerard that he was leaking that much sends Gerard almost to the edge. He speeds up his strokes, his head thrown back against the edge of the tub, and his eyes shut tight as he remembers the look on Frank’s face when he came all over Gerard’s hand. It had only taken a few moments for them both to come, they’d been so primed for it. Gerard remembers Frank biting his lip so hard it had bled just after, and he comes hard picturing it. He keeps stroking, still splashing water on the floor, remembering Frank’s taste and the taste of his blood in the kiss as he trembles through the aftershocks.

Once he’s come down, he reaches for a washcloth and wipes off his hand and dick before draining the tub and refilling it with new, clean water. He adds more bubbles and sits back again, not ready to get out yet, and tries to calm his breathing as his heart rate returns to normal. He thinks about the shy little smiles Frank kept giving him as they got cleaned up and tucked back away before opening the storeroom door. Gerard doesn’t think anyone came in while they were… occupied, but he still feels bad about it just the same. Frank had just grabbed at his hand and squeezed it, still flushed and beautiful. They didn’t say much during the last few minutes of his break.

When Frank had to leave to go back to work, he had stopped in the doorway and said, “Come home with me tomorrow night.” Gerard hadn’t said anything right away because he was so shocked at the invitation. He’d been starting to think that he’d never get to be alone with Frank outside of work again. Frank had continued, saying, “It’s Friday night and I guess I should be able to bring the guy I’m dating home with me on a Friday night, right?”

Gerard had no idea what Frank was talking about, but he’d nodded and said, “Right.”

And Frank had repeated, “Right,” and then come back to give Gerard a hard, punishing kiss before leaving.

Now Gerard doesn’t know what to think. He ponders everything as he balances bubbles on his toes just under the faucet. He has to assume that Frank’s going to come clean with him tomorrow night. He keeps going over it in his head. He’s sure that Frank dragging him into the storeroom was at least partially to distract him and keep him from asking questions, but the invite home seemed perfectly genuine and sincere. Gerard has always had trouble being patient when he’s curious about something, but mostly Gerard is having trouble being patient right now because he’s concerned.

He takes a deep breath and lights himself another cigarette. He knows he’s over-thinking this, he knows he is. He just… he’s sort of nervous about what he’s going to find out tomorrow night. He’s afraid he’s going to find out it’s something that he can’t handle and that would totally suck because he’s starting to feel like Frank is about as perfect a person for him as he’s ever going to find and that’s really saying something when they haven’t even properly had sex yet.

Rolling his eyes at himself for being melodramatic, he drops his cigarette into the ashtray and sinks down under the water, dunking his head. He stays down for a few seconds and tells himself to snap out of it. He should be happy. He should be glad he’s found someone as awesome as Frank. Whatever Frank’s deal is, it will be fine. Gerard can handle it because Gerard is a stand-up guy who isn’t going to let someone as awesome as Frank get away from him because of “family stuff.” Everyone has “family stuff” of some kind or another. Gerard isn’t going to judge. He’s going to be a helpful and supportive boyfriend and that’s that.

When Gerard emerges from the water, he pulls himself right up and out of the tub, and feels a little bit like a weight has been lifted off him.

*_*_*

Frank doesn’t come to the store for lunch the next day. He had said that he needed to run a bunch of errands during his break so that he and Gerard could go straight back to his place after work. Gerard had tried to convince him that they should grab a quick dinner before going back to his house, suggesting they visit one of the new restaurants in Belleville that Frank hasn’t been to since moving back. Frank declined. He’d said that they needed to go straight back to his house, but still wouldn’t explain why. He promised that they could order food for dinner and eat at his place.

Gerard is still finding the whole thing to be terribly weird, but he doesn’t have much time to think about it because his new assistant comes in for a few hours to get acquainted with the store. It had only taken a few interviews for Gerard to know that Christa was the right person for the job. She had been the only person he’d interviewed who had seemed to potentially be an even bigger dork than Gerard.

Gerard had been intrigued right from the start when he’d read Christa’s resume. Her background is in library science and she’s worked at several public libraries, but she said she’s been wanting to get back into the private, for-profit sector for a while. She absolutely loves comic books, well, all kinds of books, actually. But the thing that Gerard is most excited about is that she seems incredibly organized, which is good news for Gerard because that’s not his strong suit at all.

Christa arrives in the middle of the morning and Gerard spends a few hours showing her around the store and explaining all of his routines. At lunch time, he takes her around the strip mall and introduces her to everyone. True to his word, Frank isn’t at Rebel Tatts. Alicia says that he left right away for his break, saying he had errands he needed to run before tonight.

Gerard doesn’t have time to obsess about Frank too much more until after Christa leaves and he has four hours to kill until it’s time to close up. He doesn’t really accomplish anything productive during that time. He alternates between trying a new system of organizing that Christa had suggested for everything he has that was published before 1960 and searching online for new and obscure titles to stock. He prides himself on keeping more rare volumes available for immediate purchase than most of his competitors. Not that he has a lot of competition anymore. Comic book stores are going out of business all over the place as more and more people make their purchases online. It’s a shame, but Gerard manages to just barely stay afloat. He isn’t exactly sure how he keeps his head above water each quarter, but he tries not to question it too hard.

++++++++
Frank spends the majority of his lunch break waiting at the pharmacy. The cost of the medications he purchases -just the co-pays alone- is practically stroke-inducing. In addition to prescriptions, he also has a list of things that his mother had asked him to get for her. Tabloid magazines that she’s never had any interest in reading before, greeting cards that Frank has no idea who she could be sending them to, markers and coloring books even though there are no children in their house who would make use of them. Frank doesn’t know why she wants these things, but it seems very important to her, so he buys them.

Frank completely forgets to eat lunch.
++++++++

Gerard is just locking up when he feels Frank’s arms come around his waist from behind. Frank buries his face in Gerard’s neck and says, “Hmmm, been thinking about you all day.”

Gerard turns around, putting his hands on the sides of Frank’s face. “Really?” For some reason that kind of surprises him. Frank often seems like his mind is somewhere else, even when they’re together.

Frank smiles and nods at him, saying, “Mmmhmm,” and surges up to kiss him deeply. Gerard smooths Frank’s hair back as they kiss, getting his fingers tangled up in the strands before wrapping his hand around the back of Frank’s skull. Frank’s hands come up and settle on his belly for a few seconds and then Frank backs off, grinning at him. “Okay.” Frank blinks. “More making out later. Right now we need to go home and eat. I’m fucking starving. Forgot to eat lunch today.”

Frank grabs Gerard’s hand and begins dragging him toward their cars. “How did you forget to eat lunch?”

Frank shrugs. “I don’t know, I was busy. It’s happened before.” He squeezes Gerard’s hand before he drops it when they get to Gerard’s car. “Other things on my mind, I guess.” Gerard decides not to question it further, but he makes a mental note that it might not be a bad idea to check in on Frank on the days they don’t eat together to make sure he’s remembered to have lunch. Now that he’ll have Christa in the store on weekdays he’ll be able to leave for more than a few minutes at a time. He foresees more frequent visits to Rebel Tatts. He must zone out for a second imagining that because Frank shakes him out of his train of thought when he says, “Okay, so you’ll follow me? It’s in the old neighborhood behind Pinewood Elementary School, you know where that is?” Gerard nods. “If we get separated, we can meet up there, okay?”

“Okay.” Gerard smiles and Frank leans in to kiss him again, wrapping his hand tightly around the side of his head.

When Frank pulls back he’s panting and flushed. “Okay,” he says, and it strikes Gerard suddenly that Frank is nervous. “Okay,” he says again. “See you in a few.” Then he skips around the side of Gerard’s car to his own, waving before he gets in.

Gerard’s head is filled with a million ideas as he drives. The things he can come up with that would make Frank nervous like that are not particularly pleasant. He’s glad the drive to Frank’s house only takes about ten minutes.

When he pulls into the driveway, he sees that it’s an old two-story house. It’s in disrepair with the paint peeling in some places. The yard is unkempt and a couple of the attic windows are broken and boarded up. Gerard takes all this in as he gets out of the car and figures he must stare too long because Frank looks sheepish as he walks down the driveway. He ducks his head and grabs Gerard’s hand. “So, this is actually my mom’s house.” He tugs on a loose strand of hair and tucks it behind his ear. “I mean, I grew up here… in this house. This is the house I grew up in.”

Gerard isn’t sure how to respond. He lives in the house he grew up in, too, but it isn’t falling apart. He just nods and says, “Oh.”

Frank cringes. “I know it looks bad. No one was really taking care of anything while I was living in the city. My mom couldn’t do it and I just…” he shakes his head, “I didn’t realize how bad it was.”

Gerard squeezes Frank’s hand, trying to think of something reassuring to say. “If most of the issues are only cosmetic-”

“Exactly!” Frank cuts him off. “I’ve had a couple different contractor friends come and check it out and they both said it’s structurally sound, totally safe, it just looks bad. And I’ve been so busy with trying to find a job and then working that I haven’t had time to get to anything yet, but I will.” He nods and seems to be trying to reassure himself. “I will.”

Gerard smiles and swings their arms where they’re joined together. “Do we get to go in?”

“Right.” Frank takes a deep breath. “Yes, right, we do get to go in. Let’s go in.”

Frank leads Gerard up the driveway. They stop on the covered front porch while Frank digs out his keys. Gerard is surprised to see three different locks on the door. This is actually one of the safer areas in Belleville and the neighborhood watch is well known for being hyper-vigilant. He raises an eyebrow at Frank.

Frank shrugs one shoulder as he finally undoes the last lock. “I’m paranoid. This…” he pauses, a pained expression flickering across his features then clearing quickly, “this is all going to make sense soon, I promise.”

Gerard nods and lets Frank lead him inside. As soon as they’re through the door, Frank startles Gerard by loudly yelling, “Mom, I’m home.”

A second after Gerard composes himself, recovering from the shock, a woman’s voice replies, wafting in from somewhere near the back of the house, “In the sunroom.”

Frank pulls Gerard down the front hallway. He looks over his shoulder and says, “She always complains that I’m sneaking up on her if I don’t announce my presence when I first come in. She startles really easily.”

Gerard nods and says, “Ahh.” It’s the only thing he can think of. Frank seems satisfied, though, because he grins and turns around again.

Frank walks Gerard around the first floor, showing him the kitchen, living room, dining room, etc. Then he leads him down a short hallway at the back of the house. “This addition was put on just before we moved in. I was so little, I don’t remember, but my mom always says the sunroom is what sold her on the house. She spends most of her time in here while she’s awake.”

They turn the corner into a small sitting room with white wicker furniture and windows on three sides. It looks very cozy and lived in. There are plants in hanging baskets in all the corners. It’s nice; Gerard likes it. There are two women in the room. One is a petite blonde who appears to be in her forties. She stands up as they enter the room and smiles at them, putting her hand on Frank’s arm. “She had a wonderful day today.”

Frank smiles back, looking relieved. “Cassie, this is Gerard.” The woman – Cassie - nods at Gerard. “Gerard, this is Cassie, she stays with my mom during the day.”

Cassie smiles and shakes Gerard’s hand. “Hello and goodbye, Gerard. I’m afraid I have to get going, but it was nice meeting you.”

“Likewise,” Gerard says, smiling as he lets go of Cassie’s small hand.

Frank sits down on the couch beside the other woman; Gerard assumes it’s his mom. She looks to be in her early sixties and has long, dark hair pulled back into a ponytail at the nape of her neck. He puts his hand on her arm, stilling it where she’s been drawing a picture with crayons. “Mom,” he says softly, “This is Gerard.” Frank waves toward Gerard and looks up at him. “Gerard, this is my mom, Linda.”

Linda finally raises her head and peers at Gerard. She extends her hand and says, “Hello,” brightly.

Gerard takes her hand, shaking it gently. He isn’t sure why, because Linda doesn’t appear to be in poor health, but he gets the sense that she’s fragile somehow. He smiles and lets her hand go. “It’s lovely to meet you, Linda.”

Frank rubs his hand around on his mother’s back a few times. “Mom, Gerard’s going to stay for dinner, all right?”

Linda smiles, looking pleasantly surprised. “All right, that sounds lovely.” She looks up at Gerard again. “Frank never brings anyone home with him since he moved back.” She shakes her head. “I think I embarrass him.”

Frank sighs. “Mom, you know that-”

“When he was a kid, he was always bringing other kids home,” Linda continues, speaking right over Frank. “Mostly boys, of course, once he got to be a teenager.” She winks at Gerard, then, and Gerard feels himself go crimson. Frank’s face heats up mirroring his. “But since he moved back home he’s been all business all the time. All work and no play because he’s such a worry wart.” She sighs dramatically.

“Okay, Mom. I get it.” Frank cuts in before she can say any more and stands up. “Gerard and I are going to go ‘play’ now, okay?”

Linda and Gerard both laugh at that. She waggles her fingers at them, waving them off, and picks up her crayon again.

When they get to the door, Frank stops and asks, “Pizza okay for dinner?”

“Sure, sure.” Linda nods. “You know I don’t care. Whatever you boys want.”

As they walk back toward the kitchen, Frank says softly. “She’s not kidding, she really doesn’t care about food. She almost never remembers to eat on her own anymore.” Frank doesn’t act like he’s expecting a response so Gerard doesn’t say anything. When they get to the kitchen Frank pulls a menu out of a drawer for a pizza place nearby. “You like Il Forno’s?”

Gerard nods, it takes him a moment to find his voice. It sounds gravelly when he says, “Yeah, been going there ever since I was a kid.”

Frank grins. “Awesome.”

They talk through what they want on their pizzas, Frank bemoaning the fact that he’ll have to add his own soy cheese after his arrives and mentions again that it’ll never be as good as what James has been making for him at Lovin’ Oven. Frank calls in the order and grabs beers for them out of the fridge. They sit down at the table and drink in silence for a few moments before Frank pulls out his cigarettes, lighting one for himself and then handing the pack to Gerard.

Gerard has just finished his first long drag when Frank says, “She has Alzheimer’s.” He coughs a little bit and rubs his nose, looking around the room, but not at Gerard. Gerard waits. “It’s technically early-onset since she’s only 61. She’s uhm…” Frank scratches his neck and finally looks at Gerard. “She has her good days and her bad days.” His voice is trembling but Gerard pretends not to notice it. He reaches across the table at the risk of seeming over-solicitous and takes Frank’s hand. Frank forces a feeble smile and shrugs, remembering he has a cigarette in his other hand and taking a drag of it.

When it doesn’t seem like Frank is going to say anymore, Gerard asks, “How long has she had the diagnosis?”

“Only a few months.” Frank’s mouth turns down at the corners. “She’d been having symptoms for a while before that, but I didn’t…” He swallows. “I- I wasn’t around. I wasn’t here much, so I just… didn’t know. Like…” Frank rubs at his neck. “At first I wanted to say it was just normal aging stuff, being forgetful, whatever, because no one ever wants to admit there’s something really wrong, you know?”

“Of course,” Gerard says softly.

Frank nods. “Right, so… yeah, it’s been getting a lot worse lately. I thought when I first moved home that it would be enough that I was just here living with her. I’d make sure there was food in the house and all that, but…” He closes his eyes, grimacing. “I knew after only a week that she needed someone with her all the time. The doctor says it’s just progressing really rapidly right now, so… the good days are getting rarer.” He opens his eyes, squinting like he’s trying hold back tears. “Today’s a really fucking good day.” He lets out a tiny laugh and pulls his hand away to wipe at his eyes. Noticing the almost totally burnt-out cigarette in his hand, he crushes it into the ashtray on the table. Gerard does the same when he realizes he’s forgotten about his smoke as well. Frank stands up and stretches as if he’s trying to physically lift the mood. “So anyway, now you know all about my baggage.”

Gerard nods. “Now I know.” He gets up slowly and comes around the table to stand in front of Frank who’s eying him warily. “So, I think maybe you don’t want a whole long speech about how I’m here for you and all that because I’m pretty sure you know that already or you wouldn’t have told me and I don’t want to annoy you, but…” Frank raises his eyebrows, waiting. “Am I allowed to hug you, at least?”

Frank snorts and falls right into Gerard’s open arms. “Yeah, you can fucking hug me, you weirdo.” Gerard laughs, pulling Frank close. He buries his face in Gerard’s neck and clings to him as if he’s holding on for dear life. They stay like that until the pizza arrives.

*_*_*

Frank’s mom doesn’t talk much during dinner. Her eyes keep clouding over and she stares off into space. When this happens, she stops eating and doesn’t start again until Frank reminds her.

Frank and Gerard talk a lot during the meal, though - Frank asking Gerard questions to keep the conversation going. A lot of it is stuff they’ve talked about before. Gerard isn’t sure if Frank is uncomfortable with the silences or if he’s asking for his mother’s benefit because he wants her to hear the answers. He doesn’t say anything about his mom’s condition while she’s in the room with them.

After dinner, Frank goes upstairs with her for a little while to get her ready for bed and settled in her room. Gerard waits in the living room, looking at all the family pictures scattered about. They seem to fill all the wall space and sit in frames on every available surface. There are a lot of really adorable ones of Frank when he was a kid and teenager and it makes Gerard smile looking at them. After a few minutes Frank comes down the stairs. “She can still do pretty much everything on her own, so long as someone is there to remind her.” He comes up beside Gerard where he’s looking at some pictures on the fireplace mantle and snakes his arm around Gerard’s waist. “She’s settled in bed now watching TV. So whether she can’t sleep and stays up late watching random things or falls asleep quickly, I don’t have to worry.”

Gerard turns away from a picture of Frank as a toddler crying on Santa’s lap and smiles as Frank leans up and kisses his chin. “You were a pretty fuckin’ adorable kid, Frankie.”

Frank laughs and kisses Gerard again, quick and hard. “I was a little shit is what I was. Don’t know how my mom put up with me.”

Gerard puts his arms around Frank’s middle and pulls him close. “What about your dad?”

Frank sighs and maneuvers them over to sit down on the couch. Once they’re seated, he reaches for a pack of cigarettes from the end table and lights one for each of them. After taking a quick puff, he says, “My dad’s pretty awesome. Really awesome, actually.” Frank scratches his nose as he leans against the back of the couch. “They split when I was young, but my dad was almost always around for me. He got remarried a couple years ago, though.” He turns his head to the side as if he’s thinking. “Alexa’s okay. I mean, I like her okay. But my dad just… he just hasn’t really been any help at all with my mom’s illness.” Frank shrugs. “I guess it’s fine. He doesn’t really owe us anything, it’s just… it just sucks doing all this on my own.” He takes a long drag off his cigarette and makes an odd face at it before leaning forward to put it in the ashtray on the coffee table. When he sits back on the couch, Gerard places his arm lightly on his shoulders. Frank shakes his head. “I don’t know why I just told you all that. I don’t…” he swallows. “Normally I don’t like to burden my friends with all my issues, it’s just-”

“Shut up,” Gerard interrupts him. Frank startles and looks at Gerard with wide eyes. Gerard realizes he sounded harsher than he’d intended. He tries again, his voice softer this time, but still not messing around with his words. “Will you just shut up already about not wanting to burden me? Like, just…” Gerard looks around, trying to figure out the right approach for what he’s trying to say. When his eyes return to Frank’s he says, “I think you just need to accept the fact that when it comes to you, maybe I want to be burdened.” Frank looks at him dubiously. Gerard huffs, exasperated. “I really like you, okay?” He makes a sweeping gesture with his arm, spilling ash from his cigarette on the floor as he says, “I’m making a declaration here!”

That makes Frank laugh and he shakes his head. “Are you some kind of masochist, Gee?” His voice darkens and he raises an eyebrow as he says, “Is there something you need to tell me?”

Gerard laughs, only slightly irritated that Frank doesn’t want to take him seriously right now. “Sure. If it makes you feel better about it to think of it that way.”

Gerard’s about to say something else, he isn’t quite sure what when Frank grabs his face in his hands and kisses him hard. “I have a declaration of my own to make,” Frank says when he pulls back. “I really like you, too.”

Gerard tries to say that he’s happy about that, but finds that he can’t because his mouth is too full of Frank’s tongue.

*_*_*

They finally head upstairs, after sitting on the couch alternating between talking and making out for a few hours. Frank checks in on his mom to make sure she’s sleeping and drags Gerard down the hall into his room.

Once inside, Gerard turns around in a slow circle taking in the space. The walls are all covered with band posters – The Misfits, Black Flag, The Stooges, Bouncing Souls and some other newer local bands. Frank grins. “Believe it or not, my room’s hardly changed at all since I was a teenager.”

Gerard notices the bookshelves overflowing with comics and horror movie DVDs and shakes his head. “No, I totally believe that.”

Frank tugs at Gerard’s hand and pulls him toward the bed. “A shit ton of stuff from my apartment in the city is still down in the garage. There’s no room to park a car in there because of it. Eventually, I’ll get it all cleared out.” He finally backs up to the bed and lies down, pulling Gerard on top of him. “There’s also about six million boxes in the basement full of my mom’s stuff that I’m going to have to go through at some point.”

Gerard smiles as he falls down on top of Frank, nuzzling into his neck. “I foresee an epic yard sale in the spring,” he murmurs before licking playfully at Frank’s ear.

Frank laughs. “Oh yes, and a shit ton of stuff is going to Goodwill.” He grabs a handful of Gerard’s hair and pulls his head back so he can look him in the face. Frank’s pupils are dilated and he’s flushed. “I didn’t actually bring you home with me so we could plan how to get rid of all the ancient crap in my basement.”

“Oh?” Gerard smirks and grinds his hips against Frank’s, feeling both of their hard-ons growing. “So why did you bring me home with you?” He bites at Frank’s chin.

Frank gasps when Gerard’s teeth scrape skin and slides his hands down inside the back of his jeans. “I brought you home with me so that I can finally get you naked.”

Gerard shakes his ass a little bit under Frank’s hands where he’s starting to squeeze rhythmically. He pulls down the collar of Frank’s shirt and bites into his collarbone, making him moan. Frank quickly throws his arm over his mouth to try to muffle the sound. Gerard pulls back and looks into Frank’s eyes as he snakes his hands up under his shirt until he finds his nipples. He tweaks the right one and grins at how Frank jerks beneath him. He does it a couple more times, still looking into Frank’s eyes before slowly pushing the shirt all the way up to Frank’s armpits. Then he pulls back to look at all the ink on Frank’s chest and belly. “Damn, Frankie,” he whispers, probably sounding creepily reverent.

Frank pulls his arm away from his face. He grins and grabs the edges of his shirt so that he can pull it off over his head and throw it to the floor. He immediately reaches for Gerard’s shirt, but Gerard moves back. Frank frowns. “C’mon, no fair. Now you, Gee. Wanna see you,” Frank whines.

Gerard shakes his head, grabbing Frank’s hands to pin them by his sides on the bed. “In a minute, just…” He lets go of Frank’s left hand after pressing it firmly to the bed (Frank doesn’t move it after that) and begins running along the lines of ink with just his index fingernail, first following the maze of the web on Frank’s chest and then outlining the birds on his hips. Frank shivers, goose bumps breaking out over his flesh, and Gerard is mesmerized. He leans down and says, “Just let me… let me…” He isn’t able to finish before he has his mouth on Frank, tasting his skin and tracing over the chestpiece with his tongue. Frank tastes sweaty and salty. A sigh comes from somewhere deep in Gerard’s throat and he squeezes Frank’s hand lightly as he begins licking and sucking at his right nipple. Frank throws his free arm back over his mouth again and moans into his elbow, his body trembling under Gerard’s ministrations.

Gerard continues working over Frank’s chest, biting and sucking, littering it with hickeys and quickly-fading teeth marks. He’s satisfied by all the muffled noises Frank makes. Frank eventually loses control, his hips jerking up, and he lifts his hand, pushing at Gerard’s shoulder. He drops his arm away from his face to gasp out, “Gee, Gee, stop for a second. I can’t-” he pants wildly as Gerard backs up to admire his work, red marks all over Frank’s chest. After a second, Frank regains control, he grins, big and wide and toothy. “Shit I was almost going to come just from that.” He stares at Gerard, an expression of awe on his face for just a moment before he reaches for Gerard’s shirt again. “Come on, now you. I want to see you Gee, wanna see your skin.”

Gerard laughs as he pulls off his shirt. He isn’t really sure why Frank wants to see him so badly, he doesn’t have a great body like Frank does, but Frank’s excitement is infectious. Gerard backs up once he gets his shirt off so that Frank can look and is surprised when Frank shifts, turning them and pushing Gerard to lie down next to him on the bed. Before Gerard knows what’s happening, Frank is up and settling over him, straddling his hips and grinding down hard. Frank bites his lip and gasps before grunting out, “My turn now.”

Frank doesn’t say any more before bending down to lick several long stripes up Gerard’s neck, stopping to bite playfully when he gets to Gerard’s ears. It surprises Gerard and it tickles. He barks out a laugh each time that has Frank shushing him even as he giggles himself. He sticks his fingers in Gerard’s mouth and Gerard sucks reflexively. “Mmmm,” Frank moans when Gerard sucks hard and says, “So this is how to shut you up.” Gerard doesn’t reply because he’s too distracted by what Frank’s doing with his other hand, snaking it down inside his jeans to palm at his cock. Gerard’s eyes roll back in his head and he sucks Frank’s fingers harder. “That’s right,” Frank says darkly. “Going to make you fall apart for me. I’m going to blow you so hard you won’t know which end is up.” Gerard wants to spit out Frank’s fingers and tell him to stop talking and fucking do it already, but then Frank is deftly unbuckling his belt. He gets the button and zip open quickly and Gerard jerks when he feels Frank’s warm hand wrap around his dick.

Gerard shakes his head, dislodging Frank’s fingers from his mouth, and blows out a long stream of air, trying to control himself and not cry out when Frank wraps his fingers around the tip. He finds wetness there and begins spreading the precome around. Frank’s fingers grip Gerard’s neck as he says, “There we go,” still sliding his fingers around, but not really stroking yet, “Already so wet for me.” He gives Gerard’s dick one good jerk while simultaneously squeezing his neck. Gerard thinks he might spontaneously combust, but then Frank moves back, finally pulling Gerard’s pants all the way down and off.

He kisses his way up Gerard’s legs, gradually spreading them with his hands before lying down between them on his belly. Once settled, he begins working a methodical path up the insides of Gerard’s thighs, nipping and sucking at them, laughing deep in his throat each time Gerard’s legs jerk. Gerard gasps whenever Frank’s teeth close around the tender skin.

It feels like years before Frank works his way up to tonguing the crease of Gerard’s thigh. Gerard has his head thrown back, eyes squeezed shut. He’s overwhelmed by the sensations. He feels his fingers tangling in Frank’s hair and isn’t sure how they got there. When Frank closes his lips around the head of Gerard’s dick, his brain short-circuits. It’s all he can do not to yell out, his hips jerking involuntarily when Frank licks at the slit. Then Frank starts fucking humming. He grabs Gerard’s hips to hold them steady and finally, finally sinks his mouth down over Gerard’s cock.

Gerard hopes he isn’t squeezing Frank’s head too tightly, but he feels as if he’s lost control of all his bodily movements. He’s just hanging on for the ride as Frank sinks down, not stopping until his nose is nearly in Gerard’s pubes before pulling off and panting. He only pulls in a few deep breaths before going back down again, a little bit farther this time and Gerard can feel the head of his dick hitting the back of Frank’s throat. It’s good. It’s so fucking good. Gerard can’t remember the last time anyone put this much effort into blowing him. He thinks he might be dreaming, but he can feel Frank’s fingers pressing into his hips and it’s vaguely painful. He doesn’t really mind, but his dreams aren’t usually quite this vivid.

Frank spends a few tantalizing minutes sinking down as far as he can for as long as he can - Gerard can feel him working the back of his throat, suppressing his gag reflex – and then pulling off to take in a few breaths. When it gets to be too much, he drops his head onto Gerard’s hip and begins jerking him slowly. With one hand, he fondles Gerard’s balls and says, “Fuck, Gee,” his voice husky and rough. He licks at Gerard’s balls a couple times. “Fucking love your cock, your balls. So fucking gorgeous.” Gerard thinks he makes some kind of appreciative noise, but he isn’t sure. His brain just barely has time to register Frank’s words before the wet heat is back. Frank works Gerard’s dick with his mouth and hand together now, the pace not too fast at first, but gradually getting faster. Gerard starts thrusting, he can’t help it, but Frank doesn’t seem to mind, periodically humming around Gerard’s dick and pulling off to say things like, “Yeah that’s it, let go for me, Gee,” and “So fucking hot, love your dick in my mouth, feels so fucking good.”

Frank’s words just add to Gerard’s overall sensory overload and it isn’t long before he’s close. He grunts and squeezes his fingers in Frank’s hair, hoping it’s enough warning. His breath starts coming in shallow gasps and he jerks his hips up. Frank still holds him firm with one hand and doesn’t take his mouth off when Gerard comes. He swallows it all down and keeps stroking Gerard’s dick until he’s finished shaking and starts whining and trying to pull Frank’s hand off.

Seconds later, Gerard feels Frank moving against him, grunting and swearing as he pulls down his pants. Gerard finally opens his eyes when he feels Frank wrap his hand around his dick. His brain slowly comes back online and he manages to close his fingers around Frank’s length with some kind of intent to help jerk him off. He licks his lips as he watches Frank come undone beside him. It’s a beautiful sight when Frank throws his head back, clearly trying to hold back a shout as he spills his spunk all over Gerard’s fingers and belly. Gerard keeps stroking until Frank says, “Stop!” and collapses beside him, closing his eyes and breathing deeply.

Gerard says, “Hey,” and pets at Frank’s face with his clean hand. He waits for Frank to open his eyes before bringing his hand up to his mouth and licking all of Frank’s come off it. It’s so good. He just barely has time to say, “Mmmmm, delicious,” before Frank’s mouth is on his. He tastes like Gerard’s come, and his tongue won’t stop moving. Frank is all wet heat and kinetic energy as he shifts, pressing his body against Gerard’s, and he doesn’t stop kissing him until Gerard feels like all the oxygen is gone from the room.

When Frank finally pulls away, he wraps his hands tightly around the back of Gerard’s neck and says, “So fucking good.” A grin slowly spreads over his face. “I knew it would be. Knew it would be so fucking good with you.”

Gerard smiles back as Frank loosens his hold and starts stroking through his hair gently. He leans down so that their foreheads touch. Gerard brings his hands up to rub Frank’s back and pulls him closer. “I knew it, too,” he finally says, when he can’t find any other words. He’s trying to think of something else, anything else to say in the wake of the best blowjob he’s had in years, but before he can, Frank is kissing him again and Gerard finds that maybe words aren’t really necessary when hands and tongues and teeth can say everything that needs to be said perfectly well on their own.

*_*_*

Gerard wakes up to the smell of coffee and the feel of someone sitting down on the bed next to him. He’s curled up on his side and feeling quite comfortable when he cracks an eye open to see Frank placing a mug of coffee on the nightstand by his head. Frank pulls him over onto his back and lies down with his head on Gerard’s chest. Gerard isn’t used to being manhandled first thing in the morning, but he finds that he doesn’t actually mind it so much. He yawns and stretches, his breath hitching when Frank licks right in the middle of his chest and hums. “Morning.”

“Good morning.” Gerard places a hand on Frank’s head, running his fingers through the dark strands. “You brought me coffee?”

Frank nods, rubbing his lips and teeth over Gerard’s chest. “I did.”

Gerard wraps his hand around the base of Frank’s skull and asks, only half joking, “You aren’t dating anyone else right now, correct?”

Frank laughs and looks up at Gerard, raising his eyebrow. “Yes, Gee, in all my spare time, I’m dating a dozen other dudes.” He rolls his eyes. “No, of course not.” He rubs his hand up along Gerard’s side. “I can’t believe I’m even dating you.” Nuzzling his head back into Gerard’s chest again, he mumbles, “Too fucking good to be true.”

Gerard smiles and massages Frank’s neck. “You’re too good to be true, bringing me coffee. I’m going to get very possessive if you keep that up.”

Frank looks up, his eyes wide and happy. “Oh, really? I’m going to have to bring you coffee all the time, then.”

Gerard leans down then just as Frank leans up and they kiss, long and deep and lazy. Gerard reaches to palm at Frank’s ass over his pajama pants and Frank backs out of the kiss, shaking his head and pulling away. “My mom’s already awake. I’m sorry, I just… there is no way.”

Gerard swallows his disappointment and looks at the clock on the nightstand to see that it’s already after eight. He scoots back and sits up, leaning against the headboard. Frank mirrors his actions, lighting up a cigarette. Gerard picks up his coffee then, taking a swallow before remembering something. He looks at Frank and smirks. “You didn’t seem so bothered the other day when you were jerking me off in the store when anyone could have walked in.”

Franks quirks his lip up as he takes a drag of his smoke. “We were totally behind a closed door in the back room, and anyway,” he looks at Gerard meaningfully. “Dude, it’s my mom.”

Gerard has to laugh at Frank’s sour expression. “Okay, fair enough.”

Frank blows out a stream of air, his expression returning to normal as he giggles along with Gerard a tiny bit. “I mean, she’s always been cool with, you know,” he waves his hand between them, “everything.” He sucks in another quick drag and says, “Total P-FLAG mom and all that,” on the exhale.

Gerard leans his head to the side to rest it on top of Frank’s. “That’s great. She seems really awesome.”

Gerard feels Frank’s head nod slightly. “Yeah. I’m glad you got to meet her on one of her good days.” He’s quiet for a second before he says, “She isn’t doing as well today. She asked me if I had any homework this weekend.” Gerard gropes around in the blankets until he comes up with Frank’s hand and holds it, squeezing gently. Frank squeezes back. “She didn’t get upset when I reminded her that I’m not in school anymore. That’s always nice. Sometimes she gets upset when she’s confused about what year it is and I correct her. She’s always been kind of proud.”

Gerard affects a soft sarcasm as he says, “You know, I’m really shocked by that because I don’t know of anyone else related to her who’s really proud. I mean, that certainly isn’t a family trait or anything.”

“Shut up.” Frank flings Gerard’s hand back at him, but he’s laughing. He picks it up again after just a second. He doesn’t say any more until after he leans over to the nightstand to put down his cigarette. “I think it has to do with how I act when I correct her. The last time I lived at home, I was in community college. So I can understand why she’d get confused. Although sometimes she’s specific, like, she’ll ask about my high school boyfriend or a teacher from back then and I can’t really kid myself on those days about how bad it is. I mean, how does she remember my teachers’ names from nearly 20 years ago, but she can’t remember that we don’t have a dog anymore?”

“I don’t know, Frankie.” Gerard gestures toward Frank with his mug, offering him the last of his coffee. “It’s kind of a crazy disease.”

“Yeah, it really is.” Frank takes Gerard’s cup when he offers it, downing the dregs from the bottom. “Today, I just told her I’m not taking any classes this semester.” He shrugs. “Maybe that’s not addressing the issue, I don’t know. I don’t like to get into it with her if I can help it.” He scratches his head. “Anyway, she looked confused by that answer, but she didn’t argue with me.”

“That’s good.” Gerard nuzzles his head against Frank’s again. “I don’t think it’s bad to take the path of least resistance when you correct her. I mean, why make yourself crazy, right?”

“Right, exactly.” Frank puts the now empty mug down on the nightstand. When he comes back to lean against Gerard, he says, “The doctor says that eventually it’ll get to the point where there’s no use in correcting her. Right now, though, he says it’s still worth it if it helps get her head back into the here and now.” He pauses and adds, “It just depends on how she’s doing on that particular day.”

Gerard ponders this for a moment before asking, “Do you like her doctor?”

“Oh yeah.” Frank nods emphatically. “He’s great.”

“That’s good.” Gerard grabs Frank’s hand again. “That’s really important.”

“Yup.” Frank squeezes Gerard’s hand again and Gerard wonders if he even realizes he’s doing it. After a beat, Frank says, “I’m lucky because of course I don’t have any money to pay for all this medical shit, but my mom has really good insurance from her old job. She just retired last year. She was a nurse at the same hospital for almost 40 years.”

“Wow.” Gerard doesn’t think he knows of anyone who’s worked the same job for that long.

“Yeah, her nursing background was actually helpful at first when it came to her diagnosis because she saw some of the signs herself.” Frank picks at some fuzz on the blanket, quiet for a quick minute. “She didn’t like it, of course, but it was one night when I was home visiting, she just looked at me and told me she was scared out of her mind by her symptoms. That’s when I finally took her seriously. I made an appointment with a specialist the next day.” It’s silent for a few seconds before Frank adds, “That wasn’t even six months ago.”

“Shit.” Gerard has no idea what else to say.

“Yeah.” Frank turns and snuggles into Gerard’s side. “I don’t want to talk about this anymore. Let’s talk about something else.”

“Okay.” Gerard takes both of Frank’s hands in his and kisses his palms before turning them over to kiss the tops. He examines the tattoos on Frank’s fingers, gently kissing over each knuckle. “So you must really fucking love Halloween, huh?”

Frank laughs, sudden and sharp. “It’s my birthday.”

“Fuck, are you serious?” Gerard pulls away a tiny bit so he can look at Frank’s face for any sign of joking.

Frank blinks up at him. “Totally serious.” He’s smiling but it’s not his teasing expression.

Gerard believes him. “That is the coolest fucking birthday ever!”

Frank nods. “It really fucking is.”

Frank’s tattoo makes more sense to Gerard now. He’d always thought it was a little over-the-top to tattoo a holiday onto your knuckles even if it is your favorite. It doesn’t seem as strange now that he knows it’s Frank’s birthday, too. He’s examining the letters when he realizes something. “So wait, that’s next Friday. What are you doing to celebrate?”

Frank flexes his fingers once Gerard lets them fall out of his grip. “Umm, handing out candy, I guess?” He stares at his hands.

“That’s it?”

“I really haven’t had much time to think about it, Gee.” Frank raises his eyebrows as he looks at Gerard. “I’ve had kind of a lot of other things going on.”

“Huh, I guess so.” Gerard pulls Frank close again. “Well, I’m coming over, then.” He can’t stand the idea of Frank not doing something for his birthday. “We’ll hand out candy together. We can do costumes and face paint and shit to scare the little kiddies. Then later, we can have a horror movie marathon or something, okay?”

Frank looks at Gerard, his eyes shining. “Sounds perfect.” He nibbles along Gerard’s jaw for a few seconds before resting his cheek on his chin. “Do you have to go to work soon?”

Gerard shakes his head. “Nope, I have Dave opening the store for me today. Don’t have to be in until noon.”

Frank looks at Gerard hopefully. “So you can stay and have breakfast with us?”

Gerard doesn’t really even have to think about it. “I’ll have to give myself time to go home and change before work, but yeah. Totally. Breakfast sounds great.”

Frank grins then and Gerard thinks he might melt. He realizes in that moment as they kiss that he was a fool for ever worrying about what Frank’s “family stuff” might be. He is so gone over Frank, it isn’t even funny. He can’t really think of any reasonable scenario that he wouldn’t be able to handle.

In the back of Gerard’s head a voice of reason is very quietly reminding him that Frank’s dealing with some pretty heavy stuff and by sticking around Gerard is tacitly agreeing to take on some of that stress. The voice in the front of Gerard’s head is louder, though. That voice is the one that’s busy kissing Frank back and it’s saying that Frank is worth it. Whatever the stress, Frank is completely and totally worth it.

*_*_*

Frank is totally worth it. Gerard is sure of that, but he’s still more than a little bit overwhelmed by everything.

Once he convinced Frank that Mikey’s totally trustworthy, he said it was okay for Gerard to tell him about what’s going on with his mom. He asked that Gerard wait and let Frank tell Alicia himself, though.

So of course, Alicia is around all weekend and Gerard doesn’t have a chance to get Mikey alone to talk to him even once. He texts Frank Sunday night, just to let him know that he hasn’t talked to Mikey about it yet.

Before he left Frank’s house on Saturday morning, while his mom was out of earshot in the sunroom, Gerard felt like he just had to tell Frank that he really doesn’t get why he’s been so secretive about everything. It’s not like he has anything to be ashamed of. Frank had said that he’s afraid of everyone giving him sad, pitying looks. He said he’s always taken care of himself and can’t stand the idea of people feeling sorry for him and trying too hard to help him. It isn’t that he doesn’t trust people at the strip mall, he just needs to tell them on his own, slowly, over time. He said he knows it’s weird, but Gerard just has to let him do this his own way.

Gerard still doesn’t really understand it, but he has to respect Frank’s wishes.

He tries to work on his comic on Sunday night, scribbling a couple of ideas for panels into his sketchbook, but he doesn’t really get anywhere. His mind keeps wandering as he thinks about everything Frank’s going through. After a little while, he gives up and just tries to go to sleep, but his mind won’t let him. When he closes his eyes, he keeps seeing Frank’s mom. He feels so upset when he remembers her sad, confused expression during breakfast on Saturday. She’d asked Frank when he was leaving to go back to the city and Frank gently reminded her that he doesn’t live downtown anymore. Frank seemed pretty sad about that, too. Gerard knows he still really misses New York, even if he won’t admit it.

As it gets later and later, Gerard continues to toss and turn and he wonders if this is exactly what Frank was afraid of - part of why Frank didn’t want Gerard to know about his mom. Frank doesn’t want him or anyone else to worry about them. Gerard resolves then that he won’t say anything to Frank about being unable to sleep or work on his comic because he was thinking about them. If he lets on that it’s bothering him, Frank might stop sharing the stress with him and that is definitely not something Gerard wants. He wants Frank to keep opening up to him - to talk about things and take some of the pressure off.

Eventually, Gerard gives up on trying to fall asleep like this. He turns his clock around so he won’t know how late it is and sits up, switching on his little nightstand lamp. He leans down and digs around under the bed until he comes up with A Game of You from the Sandman series. For some reason he finds that returning to this series always helps calm his mind when he can’t sleep. He thinks that’s funny - sort of the opposite of ironic, considering the subject matter of the series, but it consistently works for him. He finds the place where he’d left off the last time he couldn’t sleep and reads in the dim light from the lamp. He nods off, dropping the book to the floor after less than 20 minutes.

*_*_*

The next morning, Gerard is more tired than he can remember being since pulling a couple of all-nighters during grad school. It’s Rebel Tattoo’s turn to get donuts for the strip mall and Frank offered to take them around for Alicia. He comes bouncing in cheerfully a little before 11 with the donuts, as well as a fresh cup of coffee from Lovin’ Oven for Gerard.

He leans up to plant a soft kiss on Gerard’s cheek as he pushes the cup into his hand. “A little birdie told me you were sleepy today,” he says as he backs off and waves the box of donuts toward Christa.

Gerard raises an eyebrow. “Did you go to Lover’s Lane already?”

“Mmmhmm,” Frank nods, smiling.

Gerard shakes his head. “Mikey needs to mind his own business.”

Frank shrugs. “He just worries about you.” He moves back slightly after surrendering the donut box to Christa and takes in Gerard’s appearance carefully, his head cocked to the side. “Everything okay?”

Gerard nods vigorously and curses his tendency toward under-eye circles that make it nearly impossible for him to ever hide his sleep-deprivation. “Yup!” He affects as cheerful an expression as he can muster. “I’m fine, just…” He waves his hand, “Monday, you know.”

Frank doesn’t look convinced, but eventually seems to take Gerard at his word, straightening and turning toward Christa to ask if anyone’s explained the donut tradition to her yet. She shakes her head and he tells her about it. While their attention is focused away from him, Gerard takes the opportunity to slurp down some of the coffee. It’s the perfect, sweet nectar of the gods that it always is. James’s coffee is truly some of the best in town.

Frank and Christa talk for a few minutes, but soon he has to leave, saying he needs to run errands before his shift starts so he can spend his lunch break with Gerard. He promises to be back later and leaves after looking at Gerard with narrowed eyes for a long moment and planting a firm kiss on his lips.

Gerard can’t help the grin that spreads across his face as he watches Frank skip to his car. He’s startled to remember he’s not alone in the store when Christa says, “He’s a sweetheart.”

Gerard nods. “He is. Sometimes I think he’s a little too much for me, but then I remember that I was kind of bored before I met him, even though I didn’t realize it.” Gerard scratches his head. “Does that make any sense?”

She smiles. “It makes perfect sense.” Gerard simultaneously thinks that Christa has a really pretty smile while also being incredibly thankful that she doesn’t seem to think he’s crazy for liking Frank the way he does.

Christa only lets Gerard stay lost in his thoughts for a few more seconds before she asks about the project of re-organizing his titles from before 1960. Gerard’s really glad he found Christa if for no other reason than that her presence and strong work-ethic will likely keep him from doing nothing but obsess over Frank all day.

The morning and early afternoon fly by and before Gerard knows it, Frank is coming in with sandwiches from Lovin’ Oven. He knows now what Gerard likes to get each day and often picks it up for him before he comes over.

Gerard and Christa have been talking about all the different personalities in the strip mall. She seems quite interested in Ray, specifically. They’re on the subject of Ray’s band when Frank comes in just in time to hear Christa say, “But I don’t understand how they’ve been a band for three years and still don’t have a name.”

Frank cracks up as he makes his way over to the counter with the sandwiches. “I’ve given him so much shit about that. I mean honestly, how do you play over three dozen gigs together and all the posters list you as ‘the nameless’ or ‘the band with no name’?” He does air quotes as he says this and Christa laughs.

She shakes her head and says, “I know, right? I don’t get it.”

They both look at Gerard then, as if maybe since he’s known Ray the longest he’ll have some kind of reasonable explanation for this. He shakes his head. “Don’t look at me! I’ve never understood it either. I swear Mikey comes up with a new name for that band about every other week.” He waves his hand. “And some of them are really awesome! Mikey’s damn good at band names! But then Ray goes and suggests the name at the next practice and they always come up with some reason why it’s no good.”

Christa looks thoughtful as she goes around behind the counter to get her purse. “Maybe they don’t actually want a name,” she says while putting on her sweater. She pats both Gerard and Frank on the shoulder as she walks by them. “You guys have a nice lunch and I’ll be back in-” she looks to Gerard for confirmation, “an hour, right?”

He gives her a thumbs-up. “Yup. See you in an hour.”

Frank’s still shaking his head and smiling as he waves to Christa out the window. “She seems like a sweetheart.”

“She is,” Gerard confirms. “She’s going to kick my butt into shape, too. You wouldn’t believe how much she’s organized just today already.”

“Oh, thank goodness! I saw that storeroom last week, it was frightening.”

Gerard glares at Frank. “Shut up, you weren’t even looking at the storeroom. You seemed pretty busy doing something else, to me.”

Frank smirks and shrugs. “Perhaps.”

They take their time eating lunch and it’s nice to have a chance to sit and talk. Frank tells Gerard about the rest of his weekend and Gerard tells Frank about the weird customers they had in the store on Sunday afternoon. Apparently, Frank’s mom didn’t have a good day yesterday at all. Frank doesn’t give any details, though. After that, they finish eating in silence. While they’re wadding up the sandwich wrappers to throw away, Frank says out of nowhere, “One day, she isn’t going to know me anymore.” He looks at Gerard, his eyes wide. “Every day, I’m afraid it’s going to be that day.” Gerard doesn’t know what to say, so he just pulls Frank toward him for a hug and Frank doesn’t resist. Gerard rubs Frank’s back gently for a few minutes while they hug. When Frank moves away, he says, “I told Alicia this morning. I didn’t give her that many details, but now at least she knows the situation.” He scratches his ear. “So… you can tell Mikey whenever, whatever, it’s fine. I’ll probably tell Ray and James later this week, sometime. You were right, it’s…” he swallows, “It’s silly to try and hide it any longer, I know I can trust all you guys now.”

Gerard grabs Frank’s hand and squeezes it. “You just had to be ready, that’s all.”

Frank nods. “Yeah. I was right about one thing, though. Like, it’s just… hard, because I know everyone’s going to be so nice to me about it and that’s just maybe more than I can take, as crazy as that sounds.” Frank looks so troubled as he tries to find his words that Gerard’s heart breaks a tiny bit watching him. He continues, waving his hand a little “But like, every time I have to tell another person and I see how sad they are about it, it’s just a reminder to me about what I’m supposed to be sad about and I feel bad about making them feel sad, too and it doesn’t actually make it any easier.”

Gerard considers this as he massages the back of Frank’s neck with one hand. Eventually, he says, “Well, maybe that’s just it.” Frank raises his eyebrows. Gerard continues, trying to explain, “Maybe the telling people is actually the hardest part, and then once they know, it’ll be easier. I think it will, I mean,” he furrows his brow as he ponders. “I know it really sucks to have to tell people, but I do think that’s the most difficult thing right now. I think you’ll find it’s easier, like… maybe you’ll be able to relax more once people know. It’ll be a relief.”

Frank takes this in as he rests his head on Gerard’s shoulder. “Yeah, you’re probably right. It was just… Alicia just broke me a little bit because she was so sweet about it and she said to tell her if there’s anything I need, anything she can do, and I still don’t really know what to do with that.”

“You say you’ll tell her.”

Frank glances up through his fringe. “Yeah?”

Gerard nods. “Yeah. You say you will. You’ll tell her if there’s anything she can do. And then you do that. You tell her if you need anything.”

Frank huffs out a tiny laugh. “Is it really that easy?”

Gerard shrugs, unsure how to defend his simplicity, but then the door opens and one of his favorite customers comes in. It’s Ms. Dittier, an older woman, probably in her early 70’s. She comes in about once a month to look at Gerard’s new titles and always brings her little Chihuahua dog in with her. Frank straightens up as Gerard smiles and waves in greeting. “Hello Ms. Dittier. How are we doing today?” For some reason Ms. Dittier always speaks using the royal “we”.

“We are lovely today, my dear Gerard,” she says regally. She pins Frank with a steely stare, looking him up and down in assessment. Finally, she says, “Go ahead and introduce us to your handsome friend, Gerard.”

Gerard places a hand on Frank’s shoulder. “This is Frank.”

Frank reaches out to shake Ms. Dittier’s hand and says, “What’s your dog’s name? Can I pet it?”

Ms. Dittier nods and holds the dog up proudly, saying, “This is Francesca.”

“Oh man!” Frank says, excitedly, bouncing back on his heels. “Francesca could be Frankie for short.” He points to himself. “I’m totally Frankie, everyone calls me that.” He looks to Gerard as if for confirmation and Gerard nods. Frank turns back to pet the dog and says, “We’re totally name twins! Can I hold her?”

Ms. Dittier is completely charmed. She carefully hands the dog over to Frank. None of the usual reservation that she has when strangers ask to hold the dog is evident. She looks on, her eyes dancing with amusement as she watches Frank coo at the little animal.

After a minute, she turns to Gerard. “Show me everything new you have.” She always says this. Ms. Dittier is an avid reader, but also a collector and one of Gerard’s best customers, often spending several hundred dollars at a time. Gerard takes her around and shows her everything that’s come in over the last several weeks. Ms. Dittier isn’t particularly choosy when it comes to what she buys. If Gerard recommends it, she’ll get it. Gerard figures it’s mainly just because she’s bored. She’s retired and has three grown children of her own, but forever laments that none of them have given her any grandchildren and probably aren’t ever going to. So she spoils her dogs (she has two other large dogs at home who don’t come out with her) and reads and works in her garden to fill her time.

Ms. Dittier doesn’t stay too long today. After she makes her purchases, Frank reluctantly returns Francesca, who he’s been calling ‘Frankie’ the whole time, to her arms and waves goodbye as she walks out to her car. Gerard can’t believe how big Frank’s grin is when he finally turns away from the window. “I fucking love dogs.”

Gerard laughs. “I can tell!”

Frank walks over to lean against the counter. “I had a dog when I lived in the city, but I had to leave her with my roommates. I really miss her. Her name was Peppers.”

Wow, Gerard thinks, as he adds that to the list in his head of all the things Frank had to give up when he left New York. “Couldn’t you get another dog?”

Frank shakes his head. “No, not right now, anyway. I can’t trust my mom to look after a dog and Cassie’s contract is for home nursing only. She doesn’t do pet care. Well,” he scratches his head, “she probably would do it, but my mom’s insurance pays for half of the home nurse contract, and their rule is ‘no pet care,’ so I kind of have to go along with that.” He knits his eyebrows together before continuing, “I mean, I probably could have a dog and just tell them both that they don’t have to do anything for it, but I’d always be worried. Like, what if my mom forgot to close the back door and Cassie didn’t notice or she accidentally left out something that’s toxic to dogs?” He shakes his head again. “Yeah, it just wouldn’t be worth it.”

“Oh.” Gerard can’t think of any way to spin this new information positively, so all he says is, “That sucks,” figuring honesty about the situation is the best way to go.

Frank nods. “Yeah, it really does.” He only allows himself to look sad for a few more seconds, though, before he shakes his body out and smushes all his hair back away from his face. When he looks at Gerard again, his eyes are clearer. “But anyway, my mom isn’t going to be living at home forever. Eventually she just won’t be able to, so then I can get another dog.”

Gerard really admires Frank’s constant push to keep himself from staying sad for very long. He also finds it kind of concerning. He’s about to ask where Frank’s mom will go when she can’t live at home anymore, but then the alarm on Frank’s phone goes off, reminding him that he has to get back to work. Frank jerks up when he hears it, his hand flailing about for a few seconds as if he’s been woken up out of a daze before he manages to silence the alarm. He smiles at Gerard and moves close to kiss him goodbye.

Gerard holds him for an extra moment after he pulls out of the kiss. “You okay?”

Frank smiles and it doesn’t look too forced. “Yeah, totally.”

“Okay.” Gerard allows himself to be convinced and gives Frank one last quick kiss before letting him go.

*_*_*

“So Mikey tells me that Ray totally has a crush on your new assistant.” Alicia says on Tuesday night as she opens the box of pizza they just ordered and pulls out a slice.

“Oh my God.” Gerard shakes his head. “Will the two of you ever stop matchmaking?”

Mikey comes in laughing, obviously having overheard. “We would if the people we work with would stop getting ridiculous crushes on each other!”

Alicia doles out pizza slices onto three paper plates. “And look at how well the last couple we matched up is working out.” She winks at Gerard and he has to smile.

“Well, okay. I’ll give you that. But that’s just because Frank is the most amazing dude ever.”

Mikey looks aghast as he sits down at the table. “I beg your pardon, my business partner is the most amazing dude ever.” He nods his head fiercely as if to prove his point.

“I meant for me and you know it. Frank is the most perfect dude ever for me!” Gerard shoves Mikey just slightly before he starts eating his pizza.

After Mikey finishes swallowing his first bite, he says, “Well, maybe Ray is the most perfect dude ever for Christa.”

Alicia chimes in. “She seems really sweet, Gee. I bet she’d go for him.”

Gerard shakes head again, laughing. “Leave it up to you guys and soon everyone in the strip mall will be paired up.” He throws his hands up. “But okay, fine, if this is what we’re doing, I’m on board. I’m totally pro getting-Ray-and-Christa-together.”

Alicia looks affronted. “We just don’t think anyone should have to be alone, is all.” She pounds her fist softly on the table. “This is our service to humanity!” She nods. “Or, you know, to the people who happen to work in businesses adjacent to ours.”

Gerard smiles because his future sister-in-law is adorable, and rolls his eyes because she’s also crazy.

They eat in companionable silence for a few minutes before Mikey asks, “So Frank’s mom… you didn’t give me many details last night. I mean, it’s fine, I know you were tired, but,” he waves his hand, “how bad is it?”

Alicia looks on with interest. Before the pizza came, she’d said that Frank barely gave her any details at all and she wishes she knew more so she’d know how to help.

Gerard isn’t really sure what to say. “She’s not too bad off yet, I think. I mean she has good days and bad days, but like…” he shrugs. “I guess that’s really part of the disease, you know?” Mikey and Alicia nod. “She gets confused about when it is, like, what year and how old Frank is, but she still knows who he is. She still knows who she is, so…” He scratches his head. “Yeah, I mean, I guess it could totally be a lot worse.”

“Well that’s good to know,” Alicia says. “I mean, it still sucks, but I’m glad it isn’t too awful for him yet, at least not all the time.”

“Yeah,” Mikey agrees and then asks, “So I know you said there’s a nurse that watches her during the day, but when he’s not at work, Frank watches her by himself all the time without any help?”

Gerard nods, “Yeah, pretty much.”

“Wow.” Mikey’s tone is subdued even for him. “That’s harsh.”

“It really is.” Gerard agrees and Alicia nods, too, biting her lip and looking like she wants to say more, but doesn’t know what to say.

It feels sort of like a blanket of sadness descends over the house after that. They don’t do much talking for the rest of the evening, all lost in their own thoughts about Frank and his situation.

Gerard has to read Sandman again for a while before he’s able to fall asleep that night.

*_*_*

Halloween is always a really rad day in the strip mall. A few years back, Alicia decided that all the stores should have candy to hand out in case anyone came by with kids. Once they started doing that, a lot of the people who work in the stores started dressing up, or at least doing face paint for the day.

The whole place already has a pretty festive atmosphere with Halloween decorations up. James always has free little cups of hot apple cider or hot chocolate to hand out to the kids. Ray usually sits outside his store for a few hours in the afternoon so that any families that come by don’t actually have to bring their kids into his store to get candy.

To bring attention to their candy offerings, every year Gerard paints a new massive banner that they put up facing the main street that says, “We have candy! No tricks, only treats!” in big, bold lettering with a different Halloween-themed mural behind it each time. This year, Gerard decided to do werewolves as the theme. A few weeks ago, he painted werewolves onto the windows of all the stores in the strip mall and this year he’s made the banner to match. He worked on it in the evenings all week after closing up. He puts it up early on Friday morning before he goes into his store to put on his costume. It isn’t the best costume ever, but it’s fun. He’s decided to be a wolf to go along with the decorative theme. He wears a furry suit and paints whiskers on his face and wears wolf ears and a snout. He’s pretty proud of it.

Frank comes over before his shift starts and Gerard is incredibly impressed with his costume. He’s a zombie and the makeup he did on himself is amazing. When Mikey sees it, he goes crazy, talking about how the makeup looks exactly like the zombies in Dawn of the Dead. He skips out on Ray for a half hour to go over to Rebel Tatts and have Frank do his makeup, too. Gerard can’t help but laugh when he goes over to visit Frank during his break and finds that it’s only zombies giving tattoos today, including Alicia, who laughs when Gerard makes a face at her. She simply shrugs and says, “If you can’t beat em…”

Overall, it’s a really good day. All the stores except Rebel Tatts close up early. Tattoo parlors seem to be one of the few types of businesses that actually get more customers on the lesser holidays. Alicia always laments sadly over how many potential customers she has to turn away each year because they’re clearly inebriated. She stays open late every year, though, apparently enough sober people always come in to make it worthwhile.

This year, a new tradition starts when after closing up, everyone goes over to Rebel Tatts to have cake from Lovin’ Oven that Alicia surprises Frank with. They sing happy birthday to him and everything. Frank blushes like crazy over the impromptu party and curses Gerard for telling everyone about his birthday, but he’s happy. Gerard can tell. He gets over his annoyance and smiles and eats cake and soy ice cream and they’re both in an excellent mood by the time they head over to Frank’s house.

*_*_*

“So, how adorable was it that Ray was a lion and Christa was a cat?” Frank asks excitedly later that evening while they’re sitting on his porch handing out candy to kids.

Gerard laughs. “It was totally cute. Christa swears they didn’t plan it, but I’m not convinced.”

“Didn’t she say she’s always a cat?” Gerard nods. Frank cocks his head to the side for a second and pops a Starburst into his mouth. When he finishes chewing, he says, “Even if it wasn’t planned, it’s still a pretty damn great coincidence, I think.”

Gerard nods. “Oh, I agree! And the way Christa went on and on over Ray’s hair and how cool it was that he made it into the lion’s mane. They’re totally smitten with each other.”

Frank giggles and agrees, “They totally are.”

Looking around and seeing that there aren’t any kids nearby for the time being, Gerard grabs up Frank’s hand and squeezes it gently. “You know I’m pretty smitten with you.” He knows it’s a cheesy thing to say, but he really can’t help it. Something about Frank has him wanting to make all these affectionate declarations. He can’t remember ever feeling quite so strongly about anyone before.

Frank smiles and squeezes Gerard’s hand back, leaning heavily against his side and sighing. “Me too, Gee. I’m pretty smitten, too.”

*_*_*

When it’s been more than twenty minutes since they’ve had any kids come, they decide it’s probably time to close up shop. Gerard changes out of his wolf costume and showers while Frank puts away all the leftover candy and gets his mom settled for the night. She was surprised all evening that Frank and Gerard weren’t actually going to go trick-or-treating themselves, clearly thinking they were still children. It didn’t seem to bother Frank too much, he simply reminded her gently a few times that they’re too old to trick-or-treat. She said that was nonsense at one point, but otherwise didn’t argue with him.

After Frank gets Linda settled, he goes to take his own shower, complaining loudly about how hard it is to wash off the zombie makeup. Gerard laughs and humors him while settling himself on the bed to draw in his sketchbook. He actually manages to get several panels for his current story outlined and is working on filling in some detail and dialogue when Frank comes out of the bathroom. He sidles up to Gerard on the bed and wraps his arms around his middle while peering down at what he’s working on. Frank is only wearing underwear and he smells all clean and fresh with his wet hair tickling Gerard’s shoulder. It’s really distracting him from figuring out what the alien in his current panel is supposed to be saying.

“That alien is pissed,” Frank says, after taking in the scene. “He should swear at the dude in the tutu.” He points to the page and Gerard snorts.

“Yeah? What should he say?”

“I don’t know.” Frank shrugs lightly. “Like, ‘back up motherfucker’ or something like that.”

Gerard carefully writes in ‘back up motherfucker’ and Frank giggles, rubbing his face against Gerard’s shoulder. “Do you have any idea how fucking good your stuff is?” Gerard shrugs and Frank makes grabby hands at the sketchpad, saying, “Gimme.” Gerard surrenders it and Frank takes the whole thing into his lap, carefully leafing through the pages. It isn’t the first time he’s looked at Gerard’s stuff, but the other times were at work with customers around, so they never really had a chance to talk about it. Gerard sighs and lights up a cigarette as he watches Frank examine his drawings. Frank takes his time, looking carefully at each page, before turning to the next. “I like how you note which page you’re continuing the story from, like if you have other stuff in between that isn’t part of this story, or like, some places where you have more than one story going on at once.”

Gerard blows out a long stream of smoke. “I have a lot of ideas.”

“You’re amazing.” Frank almost sounds reverent and it’s throwing Gerard off a little. He hasn’t had anyone praise his work like that since grad school. He doesn’t know how to respond. All he can think to say is a sheepish, “Thanks.”

Frank turns to grin at him. “It’s totally the truth, but you’re welcome, asshole.”

Gerard smiles and shrugs again.

Frank steals his cigarette and takes a long drag while placing the sketch pad carefully on the nightstand. “So when are you going to send some samples off to your friends in the industry?”

Gerard blanches and takes his cigarette back. “Someday.”

“I know you know people, Gee.” Frank lights up a cigarette of his own and blows smoke in Gerard’s face. “You have to at least try.”

Gerard sighs and finally meets Frank’s eyes. Responding to the challenge in them, he throws his hands up and says, “I know! I know, okay? I will, I’ll…” he looks around, flailing his hand for a moment, “I have some people I can call, I will.”

Frank narrows his eyes as he takes a long drag off his smoke. “Promise?”

Gerard says, “I promise,” and finds that he really means it.

*_*_*

When Gerard wakes up it’s just barely starting to get light outside. The house is completely silent. He rolls over toward Frank and drops his hand on his belly. Frank doesn’t move and Gerard is content to just lie there and watch him sleep for a little while. He knows it’s creepy, but he can’t stop himself. Frank looks young and vulnerable and beautiful. Gerard watches his eyelashes flutter and wonders what he’s dreaming about. The soft rise and fall of Frank’s chest is comforting. He sort of expects that he’ll end up just going back to sleep but that doesn’t happen. After a little while, it becomes clear that he’s awake for good. He and Frank both passed out a little bit earlier than normal last night after having such a busy, fun day (and a little bit of vigorous sex).

It isn’t long before Gerard can’t stand just looking at Frank anymore. He gently rubs his hand over Frank’s stomach and runs his fingers through his hair. He says, “Hey, Frankie,” softly as he slides closer so that his body is touching Frank’s all along his side.

After a few more seconds of Gerard’s belly rub, Frank slowly blinks open his eyes, smiling up at Gerard. “Hey, Gee,” he mumbles and stretches, turning his head and squinting at the clock. “Time ‘sit?” He asks and it turns into an adorable yawn.

Gerard says, “Shhhh, it’s early still.” He nuzzles his face into Frank’s neck and licks him a few times until Frank stops stretching abruptly and stills. Gerard presses his morning wood into Frank’s hip rudely. They’re both still naked from last night.

It’s only a second before Frank laughs softly. “Oh, I see.” He turns and reaches for Gerard’s hand, entwining their fingers. “I understand now.” He doesn’t say anything for several seconds after that because he tilts up Gerard’s face up toward his and assaults his mouth with his tongue. When he pulls away, he’s already panting. “I am completely on board with this plan.”

Gerard smirks and nibbles on Frank’s ear. He blows into it, making Frank shiver and whispers, “You don’t even know what my plan is yet.”

Frank snorts and nuzzles his face against Gerard’s. “Mmmmm, well I’m about...” he pauses and turns his head as if he’s thinking, “90 percent sure that I’ll like whatever your plan is, so I’m willing to just go along with it.”

Gerard raises an eyebrow. “Only 90 percent sure?”

Frank shrugs and seems to consider for a moment before answering. “I guess there’s always the chance that you’ll bust out some creepy kinky shit that Ray told you about and I’ll be scarred for life.”

Gerard cracks up, dropping his forehead to Frank’s chest, and shaking as he laughs heartily. Frank laughs, too, but he’s shushing Gerard at the same time and somehow that makes the whole thing seem even funnier. Gerard shakes harder, but tries his best to be quiet. Once he regains control and is able to lift his head, he has to wipe his eyes before grinning at Frank. “I know you’re kidding. I know you are because you have to have noticed that I almost never go into Ray’s store.” Gerard shudders dramatically. “Seriously, some of the stuff he has in there gives me anxiety hives just from hearing about how it’s supposed to be used.” He shakes his head and Frank laughs even more at Gerard’s sour expression, his whole body shaking silently.

Once Frank’s laughing begins to wind down, he takes a deep breath and lets it out slowly to calm himself. “Okay, okay, so what was your plan? I want to know now and I’m 100 percent on board with whatever it is.” He raises his eyebrows in anticipation as he waits for Gerard to answer.

Gerard rolls his eyes and tries to get himself back into the amorous mood he awoke in. “I was going to give you the best ‘good morning’ blowjob you’ve ever had in your entire life.”

Frank immediately nods his head vigorously. “Yes! This. I am completely in favor of this, I think you should do it.”

“Yeah?” Gerard clears his throat, “You don’t think it’s too kinky for you?”

“Noooo.” Frank shakes his head. “It actually sounds like just the right amount of kinky for me… meaning, not too kinky, but still super hot.”

“Oh, okay, good,” Gerard says as he scoots down the bed and licks at Frank’s navel. “I wouldn’t want to scar you for life.” He swirls his tongue around in Frank’s belly button and Frank jerks, reaching down to thread his fingers through Gerard’s hair.

Gerard just rests his head on Frank’s belly for a few seconds, deeply breathing in his scent. Then he noses down along Frank’s happy trail until he buries his face right in Frank’s pubes and takes a long sniff. It’s so good and Frank giggles. Gerard feels content and happy and ridiculously turned on. Finally beginning to work over Frank’s dick with his mouth a little bit, he licks at it, using his tongue to spread the precome around. He massages Frank’s balls as he licks and is rewarding by Frank shifting his hips urgently. Eventually Gerard has to pull back, holding Frank’s hip still with his hand.

Frank barks out a tiny laugh. “Uh, just a warning, I’m never good at lasting long first thing in the morning.”

Gerard smiles and murmurs, “Noted,” before finally sinking his mouth down over Frank’s cock. It feels so good. Gerard takes his time, slowly moving down until he feels the head hit the back of his throat. He relaxes and goes just a tiny bit deeper and then stays still for moment, closing his eyes and memorizing the sensation.

When he finally has to come up for a break, he vaguely hears Frank say, “Holy shit,” but it doesn’t really register. Gerard is in his zone now - in his element. This is his ‘cock-sucking’ zone and he’s completely focused. It’s like the only thing that exists is the body he’s worshipping. He thinks he’d be perfectly happy worshipping Frank’s body pretty regularly from now on until… oh… the end of time.

Gerard quickly works on setting up a good rhythm. He knows it’s wet and messy and probably almost comically enthusiastic, but he can’t really help it and Frank isn’t complaining. At one point, Gerard can tell that Frank’s just about to lose it and he has to back off. He spends a few long minutes licking over and sucking on Frank’s balls until he calms down. Gerard doesn’t mind the interlude at all. He likes balls and he especially likes Frank’s. When he’s sure that Frank isn’t about to go off at any second, he moves back up to lick at the head of his dick and thinks he hears Frank mumble, “Thanks.” Gerard isn’t sure if Frank is thanking him for the attention to the boys or for prolonging the blowjob, but he finds that he really doesn’t care all that much.

Gerard spends a while licking over the tip of Frank’s dick, which is leaking copiously, mainly just because it tastes so damn delicious. This is another thing that’s making Gerard feel like he’d be happy to suck Frank off regularly indefinitely, the man just tastes so damn good. Eventually Gerard does sink back down again though and uses his hand to help set the rhythm this time so he can go a bit faster. He can tell by now that it isn’t worth it to prolong anymore as Frank’s hips begin thrusting erratically. Gerard’s eyes are closed, but from the sound of it, Frank has a pillow over his face to muffle his moans. This time when Frank’s muscles start to seize up, Gerard just increases his tempo and sucks harder when he comes up, hollowing his cheeks to make it as good as possible.

Gerard hears something that sounds like it’s probably a warning come from under the pillow over Frank’s face and he backs up just enough so that when Frank comes, it will land on his tongue so he’ll be able to taste it. Frank comes hard and it’s so fucking good. Gerard sucks until Frank pushes him away, panting and writhing on the bed. Gerard can’t handle quite how gorgeous Frank looks as he comes down. He’s all red and flushed, sweat glinting on his skin in the early morning light, his fingers opening and closing as he stares at Gerard with glassy-eyed wonder.

It’s too much for Gerard to take. In seconds, he moves up the bed and begins jerking himself off right against Frank’s hip. He’s surprised when Frank comes back to himself quickly enough to move down and help. He licks at the head of Gerard’s dick each time it appears above his fist and makes yummy noises down in his throat. Gerard has to close his eyes and just as he’s about to come, Frank pushes his hand away and jerks him off until he finishes. Frank’s mouth hovers just above Gerard’s dick as he comes and it gets all over his lips and chin. Gerard opens his eyes in time to see Frank swiping his fingers through the come and making more yummy noises as he sucks them into his mouth. It’s too overwhelmingly hot for Gerard to watch, so he lets his head fall back onto the pillows and closes his eyes. Frank eventually lies down on top of him, shoving his face in Gerard’s neck and humming. “I think ‘good morning’ blowjobs need to become a tradition.”

Gerard barks out a laugh. “Yeah?” Frank nods. “I was having some similar thoughts myself just now.”

Frank yawns and nestles in more closely to Gerard saying, “Good,” as he wraps his arms tightly around Gerard’s middle. Gerard decides not to tell Frank quite how much he’d like to make regular sex with him a permanent thing. There’s always a little part of him that believes in jinxes and all that, but he allows the optimistic feeling to wash over him and settle. Frank continues making happy and contented noises and Gerard memorizes the sounds and the feel of Frank’s body resting on his. He closes his arms around Frank and shuts his eyes to commit the moment to memory.

*_*_*

Gerard doesn’t have to go in to the store until one, so he hangs around and relaxes with Frank for the rest of the morning after breakfast. They watch old black and white movies while they sit on the couch and talk. It’s when Gerard happens to notice a scene on the TV with a dog in it that he remembers something. He jumps up, startling Frank, and goes over to his bag. “I totally forgot to give you your birthday present!”

“What?” Frank frowns, sitting forward, “Gee, no. You weren’t supposed to get me anything.”

Gerard rolls his eyes as he walks back over with the card. “Right, because it’s totally okay to not get your boyfriend something for his birthday.” He shakes his head. “I don’t think so, here.”

Frank takes the envelope and opens it. He laughs at the funny message in the card and then simply looks at the gift certificate for a long, quiet moment without saying anything. When he looks up, his eyes are shining. “Is this?”

“So you can get a dog.” Gerard continues for him. “It’s a no-kill animal shelter in Rutherford. It’s where James got his dog. He recommended it to me.” He swallows as he watches Frank gently slide the gift certificate and the card back into the envelope and set it on the coffee table. “Anyway, so when you’re able to have one again, you’re all set. You can get another dog. There’s no expiration date.”

“Gee.” Frank’s voiced is choked. “Just… thank you.” He surprises Gerard then, pulling him in for a tight hug. “Thank you so much, just… for everything.” He buries his face in Gerard’s neck and lets Gerard hold him for a little while. When he pulls away, he takes Gerard’s face in his hands and says, “Best boyfriend ever.”

Gerard feels himself blush and turns his cheek to rub against Frank’s fingers. When he does, he notices again the calluses on the tips from guitar playing and thinks of something he’s been meaning to ask Frank about for a while, especially after he showed so much interest in Ray’s band. “Tell me about your old band.”

Frank shrugs, looking thoughtful. “Meh. We were okay. I mean, it was just for fun, you know?”

“Sure.” Gerard nods.

“But, like, I don’t know, I really loved it.” Frank takes pushes his hair behind his ears. “We just played a lot of covers. I mean, most of the bands I’ve been in were like that.”

Gerard grabs a pack of cigarettes from the end table and offers one to Frank. “How many bands have you been in?”

“Oh shit, I don’t know.” Frank laughs as he pulls a cigarette out of the pack. “Like, a dozen at least, probably more. I started as a teenager.” He leans in for Gerard to light his smoke for him. On his first exhale, he says, “I’m hoping eventually I can find a band here in town or close by in the suburbs to play in.” He stops and seems to ponder his cigarette for a moment. “It’s weird to me that I’m not in a band right now. I can’t remember the last time I wasn’t in one for more than a few weeks.”

They smoke and cuddle in silence for a little while and Gerard imagines Frank being in a band. When he’s finished with his cigarette and put it out, he steels himself and says, “I hate to be the one to ask the annoying logistical questions, but how are you going to play in a band if you can’t leave your mom alone?”

Frank blows out a long stream of smoke before he says, “My aunt can come up from Trenton sometimes to stay with her. That’s how I was able to go to Ray’s show.” He puts his cigarette out next to Gerard’s. “It’s almost an hour drive, though, so she has to stay overnight. It’s kind of hard on her.” He scratches his head. “I mean, I know she’s doing me a huge favor, so I wouldn’t ever ask her to do it more than like, once a month at the most.”

“Well, that’s something.” Gerard pulls Frank to lean against him and is surprised when he starts talking again.

“Eventually, though…” Frank starts and then stops, bringing his hand up to his mouth and chewing on his thumbnail. “Eventually, my mom won’t be able to live here anymore. She’ll have to…” He swallows. “She’ll have to go to a special care facility. Her insurance covers a really nice place in Hoboken called Winchester House. We went to visit it right away after she got the diagnosis and she was totally fine about it.”

Gerard brightens. “That’s really good. When will she go there?” Gerard pauses and tries to reign himself in a little. “I mean, like, do you know? Her insurance company must have rules about it.”

Frank nods. “Yeah, basically when I can’t take care of her myself anymore.” Frank switches to chewing on the nails of his other hand, but he keeps talking around them. “So, like, Cassie would have to write a letter stating that my mom needs to go to the facility and her doctor would have a write a letter, but… they’ve both already said they’ll do that for me any time.” He shrugs, finally letting his fingers fall out of his mouth. “It’s really up to me, so… I guess when she needs help with bathroom stuff?” Frank wipes at his face in frustration. “Fuck I hate talking about all this crap.”

“Frank.” Gerard turns Frank’s head so that he’ll look at him. “That could be a really long time, still. I mean, from what I’ve read, that could be years, still.”

“I know.” Frank’s voice is tight and his eyebrows are drawn together. He sounds anguished. “I know, I mean, maybe I won’t wait that long. I just… I’m just not ready to let her go yet.”

Gerard shakes his head. “But you wouldn’t be letting her go. You could still see her all the time.”

“Yeah, but…” Frank looks around like he’s chasing the words in his mind. “She sacrificed so much for me growing up, especially after my dad left. I feel like… I need to do this for her, as much as I can anyway, I mean… she’s my mom. I should give it my all, right?”

Gerard relents just because he can’t stand how upset Frank looks. “Sure, Frank. Okay, I get that, just…” he rests his head gently on top of Frank’s, stroking his fingers through his hair. “Just don’t wait so long that you’re putting off living your own life. I don’t think your mom wants that for you.”

He feels Frank start shaking beneath him and doesn’t bother checking to see if he’s crying when he doesn’t say anything else.

*_*_*

Gerard spends a lot of time in his room that night instead of downstairs watching zombie movies or playing Xbox or some other game with Mikey and Alicia like he normally would on a Saturday night. Sometimes they all go out to shows together. Other times just Mikey and Alicia go and Gerard doesn’t go, or he goes out to a show they aren’t interested in and they stay in; but when they’re all at the house, they usually spend the evening together. Gerard’s mind is full, though, and he feels that he won’t be good company. He made the excuse of not feeling well after dinner and has been up in his room ever since.

He lies on his bed for a while, smoking and thinking and staring up at the ceiling. His room is on the third floor and any sounds that Mikey and Alicia might make downstairs don’t really travel up that far. It’s completely silent. The strange part is that he doesn’t even have the inclination to draw. Usually, when he’s bothered by something he can’t put his finger on, he likes to let himself draw whatever comes to mind and things work themselves out on the page and seem clearer after. That isn’t happening tonight.

A couple times when he’s between cigarettes, he closes his eyes, thinking he’ll drift off to sleep. That doesn’t happen either. Eventually he gets bored and gets up. He decides to do some busy work, hoping that will distract his mind enough to get past whatever it is that’s bothering him so much that he can’t explain. He starts working on folding and putting away a basket of clean laundry. He gets very focused, pondering reorganizing his drawers and it startles the crap out of him when Mikey comes up the stairs, saying “What are you working on that you aren’t making any fucking noise? Oh-”

After Gerard recovers from his shock, he turns around to see Mikey looking at him with one eyebrow raised comically high. He turns his head sideways and looks a little bit deranged as he walks slowly into the room. “I thought it was weird that you didn’t even have any music on, but-” he makes an abortive hand gesture, “Are you doing laundry?”

Gerard shrugs. “Putting it away, yeah. I actually did a bunch of loads last week.” Gerard pushes at one of the laundry baskets with his foot. “It’s just been sitting here since then.”

Mikey sits down on the bed. “Only for a week, huh? I think that’s a record for you.”

“Probably, yeah.” Gerard scratches his eyebrow and finally turns around to face Mikey who’s looking at him with a ‘what’s up?’ expression.

When Gerard doesn’t give, Mikey rolls his eyes, big and slow and finally huffs out, “What is going on, Gerard?” He says it very slowly and enunciates carefully.

Gerard scratches his neck. “Where’s Alicia?” He fervently hopes she didn’t leave because she thought there was drama that Mikey needed to help Gerard through without her. “She didn’t leave, did she?”

“Nah.” Mikey shakes his head and pats the bed next to him for Gerard to come sit down. “She found some chick flick to watch on TV and sent me up here to make you use your words and talk about what’s bothering you.”

“A chick flick?” Gerard dodges as he sits down. “Alicia, really?”

Mikey shrugs. “Sometimes I remember she’s a girl, yeah.” He rolls his eyes again and keeps talking when he sees Gerard’s sour expression. “And I know. No gender stereotypes, but you know,” he pauses, “I forget… sometimes. I mean that she’s not one of my dude friends.” He shakes his head like he’s confused about what he’s saying. “I mean I know she’s a girl. I don’t know what I’m trying to say.” His speech speeds up as he spits out, “It’s fine, she’s fine, we’re fine.” He waves his hands in front of him. “I didn’t come up here to talk about my relationship.” He stops and slaps Gerard’s knee. “What is your deal Gee Way?” He’s enunciating again. “Why are you up here brooding all by yourself if it isn’t because you’re working on some project that requires concentration and focus?”

Gerard takes his time lighting up a cigarette and sucks in a long drag before replying. “I’m fucking, just-” He shrugs, shaking his head a little. “I’m thinking about Frank.” He feels like it should be obvious. Mikey’s usually good at picking up on stuff, but sometimes he also does this thing where he’ll deliberately act really oblivious and obtuse because he won’t be satisfied until Gerard lays everything out for him. It’s like his sneaky little brother form of talk therapy.

He’s doing it now, as he cocks his head to the side and asks, “What about Frank?” his guileless eyes betraying nothing.

Gerard sighs. “I don’t really know. I can’t explain it. It’s silly.”

Mikey shrugs. “Try.”

Gerard takes a deep breath and clears his throat. “I was just with him this morning, you know?” Mikey nods. “But it’s like…” he looks around the room like he’s looking for words, “I miss him. I wish he was here, like I feel like he should be here. It’s dumb.”

“That isn’t dumb, Gee. You really like him. Of course you want to be with him all the time.”

Gerard shakes his head. “It’s not just that, though. It’s this feeling that he isn’t ever going to be here. It’s like,” he clutches his chest a little. “It’s like it hurts in my chest when I think about it.”

“Why do you think that?” Mikey furrows his brow. “Frank likes you, why wouldn’t he come over?”

“He can’t.” When Mikey raises his eyebrows, Gerard says, “His mom.”

“Ahhh,” Mikey says, nodding. “Right, well…” He stops for a second and scratches his nose. “I guess the thing you have to decide is if you’re going to be okay with coming after her… I mean in his priorities, you know?”

“Yeah, I know.” Gerard does know. He just hadn’t wanted to admit it to himself in so many words.

Mikey continues, “Because, like… she isn’t going to get better, so you can’t be waiting for that.”

“Right.” Gerard says softly and looks down at his hands.

“I’m not trying to say you shouldn’t go for it with Frank. I think he’s awesome and really, really good for you, but, Gee… you have to be honest with yourself about what you’re getting into.” He bumps his shoulder into Gerard’s and waits for him to look up. When Gerard does, he says, “And if you’re in this for the wrong reasons- like, I mean if you can’t handle putting some of your own needs after Frank’s, then you aren’t going to be any use to him.”

“Yeah.” Gerard sighs and rubs at his neck. “Yeah, no I mean, you’re right. And I do, I mean I am willing, you know, to put his needs above mine, I can do that.” He nods, trying to convince himself.

Mikey rests his head on Gerard’s shoulder. “It’s okay to be a little sad about it, though.”

“Yeah?”

“Oh yeah.” Gerard can feel Mikey nodding. “I mean, I bet Frank’s sad about it - not being able to do whatever he wants anymore.”

“Definitely,” Gerard agrees. “He’d never admit that, though.”

“No I know, he wouldn’t.” Mikey’s silent for a moment, picking lint off Gerard’s blanket. When he straightens up, he says, “But that doesn’t mean you can’t admit it sucks. I mean, I don’t think you should make him feel shitty about it, but denying your feelings is dumb and generally counterproductive in my experience.” He shrugs. “Anyway, I think Frank’s doing enough of that for both of you.”

“Yeah, probably.” Gerard admits.

Mikey cracks his neck and stretches, standing up. “I do think you should try to get him to come over, though.” He taps his fingers on the top of Gerard’s head as he speaks. “Frank needs a break just like everyone else. And I know he loves his job, but that isn’t really a break.”

“Right.” Gerard nods and nuzzles up into Mikey’s fingers. “It’s just so hard for him to get away. He has to plan it in advance with his aunt.”

“Well, that’s okay.” Mikey drops his hand. “You guys work it out however, it’s not my business, but I don’t think you should just let it go.” He knocks his knuckles gently into Gerard’s cheek. “Don’t like, brood about it constantly and waste perfectly good Saturday nights, but like, advocate for your relationship.” He scratches Gerard’s head and Gerard nuzzles up into it again. “It’s okay so long as you aren’t an asshole about it.”

Gerard laughs. “I’ll do my best.”

“Anyway, c’mon, it’s not that late. We can still watch a movie.” Mikey turns toward the door and motions for Gerard to follow him.

Gerard shakes his head. “Nah, thanks but I think I need to be alone some more.”

Mikey narrows his eyes. “Don’t brood. I know this is heavy stuff, but you get headaches when you fixate on things like this.”

Gerard snorts. “Okay, no, I won’t brood. I’m gonna draw.”

Mikey purses his lips like he’s trying to decide if he can trust Gerard or not. Finally his face straightens out. “Well, okay. But come down if you wanna, okay? There’ll be popcorn.”

“Okay I will,” Gerard promises.

Mikey nods and heads back downstairs. Gerard picks up his sketchbook. He starts imagining what it would be like to have Frank here, in his room. He pictures Frank’s room at his own house, remembering how neat it was, his clothes all put away nicely in drawers and in the closet. He wonders what Frank would think of his mess. He ends up drawing pictures of Frank in various phases of folding up Gerard’s clothes and putting them away. He knows it’s a silly, domestic, fluffy fantasy, but he can’t help it once he gets started. It makes him smile.

*_*_*

“Three zombie movies in a row, Frank!” Alicia’s saying excitedly as Gerard walks in the door of Rebel Tatts at lunchtime later that week. “In a gorgeous old refurbished theatre!” She continues, practically bouncing. “How can you say no to that?”

Frank shakes his head, a tired grin pasted on his face. “It isn’t that I want to say no. It’s just a really long time for me to be gone. Especially if you guys all wanna do dinner after.”

Alicia cocks her head to the side. “Well, maybe you could just come for the last movie.”

Gerard sidles up to Frank and slides an arm around his waist. He thinks Alicia maybe can’t see it through all her excitement, but Frank’s smile is beginning to crack at the corners and looks more like a grimace than a grin. “Your aunt can’t come?” Gerard asks him quietly.

Frank shakes his head. “No, Sundays are bad for her.” He turns away from Alicia to rest his head on Gerard’s shoulder. Alicia means well, but Gerard wonders how long she’s been nagging Frank.

“What about one of your mom’s friends? Couldn’t one of them help you?” Gerard suggests, glad that Alicia’s busy with a customer on the phone now, her attention off of Frank.

Frank frowns. “I don’t know, Gee. I don’t really know them.” His voice is rising alarmingly fast. “I was gone for so long, I just-”

“Shhh, it’s fine.” Gerard cuts him off, squeezing him tightly. “Forget it, let’s just go have lunch okay?”

Frank nods and Gerard pulls him toward the door, nodding at Alicia as they go. She covers the phone receiver and says, “Try to convince him, Gee,” as they walk out. Gerard waves his hand at her and she shrugs, going back to her phone call.

They walk over to Lovin’ Oven and get sandwiches and then bring them back to Dreamland to eat. Frank’s pretty quiet today, which is uncharacteristic of him. When he’s finished with his sandwich, Gerard asks, “Everything okay with your mom?”

Frank shrugs. “Define ‘okay’.” He makes air-quotes around okay and goes back to eating, his expression surly even as he chews.

Gerard kind of wants to push Frank to talk about it, but he lets it go. Instead, he gets up to clear away his wrappers and sort through a backlog of paperwork he has on his desk. When Frank finishes eating, he lays his head down on the counter and closes his eyes. It wouldn’t be the first time he’s fallen asleep in Gerard’s store during his break. Some nights when his mom can’t sleep, he doesn’t sleep much either.

Gerard doesn’t bother him, but as he files away the paperwork his mind keeps coming back to how much he wants to invite Frank over. He hasn’t mentioned it, because it seems like Frank’s been having kind of a shitty week with his mom and he knows it would be pretty obnoxious to bring it up now when Frank already seems to be having an off day.

When there’s only about ten minutes left of Frank’s break and he hasn’t moved for more then twenty minutes, Gerard comes up behind him and rubs his hand slowly up his back. “M’wake,” Frank mumbles and lifts his head, shaking away the fog and rubbing at his eyes. He turns to Gerard and looks at him kind of sadly. “I fell asleep.” He yawns. “Mom got up a bunch of times last night. I was like, afraid to let myself fall asleep until I knew she was sleeping, because once I’m out, I don’t hear her getting out of bed. I won’t wake up.”

Gerard rubs his fingers through Frank’s hair and massages his neck. “Was she okay? Like, was she upset about something?”

Frank shakes his head. “Nah, just couldn’t sleep.”

Gerard nods and plunges ahead, even though he’s unsure. “You know how you could get a really good night’s sleep?”

Frank yawns again. It’s adorable. “How’s that?”

Gerard steels himself. “If you planned a time for your aunt to come up and stay with your mom for the night and you stayed over at my place.”

Frank sighs. “That would be amazing.” He rubs his face in Gerard’s neck. “I don’t know, though, overnight? That’s…” he pulls back shaking his head, “I don’t know, Gee.”

“It’s fine.” Gerard puts his arms around Frank’s waist and hugs him close. “Just think about it, okay?”

Frank lifts his shoulders and drops them quickly. “Okay, I will.” He falls back into Gerard again, his arms wrapped tightly around his middle. “Mmmm, still so sleepy.” Gerard laughs and rubs Frank’s back until his phone alarm goes off.

*_*_*

“Man, that was so kickass, best Sunday afternoon in ages!” Mikey exclaims as he shuffles into the booth next to Gerard.

Christa laughs as she settles herself across from them, “I must say, I never would have thought I’d spend a Sunday afternoon watching three zombie movies in a row and liking it, but that was pretty awesome.”

Ray grins as he slides in next to her, squeezing her hand. “I’m just glad you guys were able to schedule the teenagers to cover you in your store, so you could both come. This is the last weekend the zombie marathon is showing and then it could be years before all those films are in a theatre again.”

Alicia nods, sitting down on the other side of Mikey, “Yup, everyone definitely needs to see those on the big screen at least once.”

They all order their drinks and look over the menus to decide what they want for dinner. Gerard finds that he isn’t particularly talkative while they eat. He misses Frank more than he thought he would. It isn’t like Frank’s ever come on a group outing with them before, and this is the first time Christa has, but Gerard can’t help but feel like Frank should be here with them and it’s really bothering him that he’s not.

As they near the end of their meal, Alicia reaches around Mikey and shoves lightly at Gerard’s arm. “You’re quiet tonight, Gee. What’s up?”

Gerard shrugs, feeling like it should be obvious, but Alicia’s the type of girl who never assumes she knows what a person is thinking. Ray gave up on trying to talk to Gerard when he’s mopey years ago and Mikey already knows, so he’s not surprised they haven’t said anything. Eventually, he sighs and figures he might feel better if he talks about it. “I just wish Frank was here.”

Everyone nods immediately in agreement. “I do, too,” Mikey says. “He should have been here. No one loves zombie movies more than Frank does.” He shakes his head.

“He really couldn’t find anyone to sit with his mom for a few hours so he could go out?” Christa asks, clearly concerned.

“Nah.” Gerard shakes his head. “I guess his aunt is really the only other person he trusts and Sundays are out for her because she has like,” he waves his hand, “all this church stuff that she does.”

“Oh yeah,” Alicia nods. “I remember Frank saying that his mom and her family are really religious. He said he started going to mass again after ten years because it’s so important to his mom to go.” She sounds solemn as she says, “He takes her every Sunday, no-matter what.”

“Wow.” Ray says, his voice uncharacteristically low. “He’s really committed to taking care of her, huh?”

Gerard nods. “Yeah, he really loves her. He’s an only child and they’ve always been super close, especially after his dad left.”

“This whole thing must be so terribly hard for him,” Christa says. “I can’t believe how well he’s holding up.”

Mikey knocks his arm into Gerard’s. “Have you made any progress in trying to convince him to come over to our place one night? I know he doesn’t want to leave his mom, but I also know you want him to see the house and I guess…” he scratches his head, “it would be nice for you guys to have some time together where he doesn’t have to worry about looking after her.”

“I’m working on it,” Gerard assures him. “He totally gets all that, he just doesn’t want to ask too much of his aunt.” He clears his throat, unsure why it feels so dry. “Apparently her health isn’t that great either. I think he’s going to plan a time to come pretty soon, though.”

The table is silent for a few seconds before Alicia says, “It’s crazy that he’s still trying to do all this on his own.”

It really is.” Gerard takes a swallow of his coke, thinking about Frank taking care of his mom all by himself. “He seems to handle it all pretty well, though. He kind of has his routines and he’s always in close contact with her doctor, so I think he’s okay right now. It’s just…” He isn’t sure if he should say what he’s been thinking about, but he can’t really help it when it comes out. There’s no one he trusts more than these people and he needs to talk about this. “I just can’t help but feel like he’s kind of putting his life on hold for her. I mean, he definitely feels like he has to do all this, but he totally doesn’t. She has really good insurance that would pay for her to live in a nice facility, it’s called um… Winchester House, I think? And she could go anytime, but Frank just…” Gerard looks down and taps his fingers on the table top. “He won’t do it until he absolutely has to. He feels like he owes it to her to take care of her himself for as long as he can.”

Mikey frowns. “I give him props for being such a great son but I totally think you’re right, Gee. He shouldn’t have to miss out on things for her. I agree with you, I don’t think she’d want that.”

Christa turns her head to the side, looking thoughtful. “Does she not want to go the facility? I mean, has she said she’d rather be at home with Frank?”

“I don’t think so.” Gerard scratches his head. “Frank said she was totally fine about it when they went to see the place. She liked it.” He shrugs. “So yeah, I don’t think she’s the reason he won’t go ahead with it. I think it’s just Frank. For some reason he feels like he needs to do this.”

It’s quiet again for a long moment and then Ray asks, “Have you told Frank how you feel about all this?”

“A little bit, not much,” Gerard admits. “It’s just hard with him, because I know he feels like this is the right thing to do.”

“You should talk to him again, Gee.” Alicia says softly. “He’d probably listen to you more than anyone.”

“Yeah, you’re right. I should.” Gerard sighs. “I will, it’s just hard because I don’t want to seem like I’m being selfish.” Gerard frowns, trying to find the right words to explain. “I don’t want him to think it’s because I’m upset that he isn’t spending time with me, because it isn’t about that at all. I have no problem with going to his house.”

“I get that,” Alicia says. “And I don’t think Frank would accuse you of being selfish, but for a relationship to work, there needs to be some leeway and flexibility on bothsides.” She pauses, considering. “If Frank really cares for you, he should want to go to your house and see where you grew up, see where you live now. It’s a big part of you.”

“I agree.” Ray nods. “I mean, I don’t think you need to be really hard on him or anything, like, you don’t even have to say all that, but Gee it’s fine to want your boyfriend to be able to leave his house on weekends. That isn’t selfish at all.”

“I know.” Gerard shakes his head and takes a deep breath. “I know. You guys are all right. It’s just…” he taps his fingers on the tabletop for a few more seconds. “It’s just hard.”

“Yeah.” Christa says, reaching across the table to grab Gerard’s hand and squeeze it.

Mikey wraps his arm around Gerard’s shoulder and hugs him close just as Alicia says. “We’re here for you, though, Gee, okay?” Gerard nods. “For both of you,” she continues, “You and Frank. Frank isn’t always going to be honest with us, so you need to tell us if he needs something. Okay?”

Gerard nods again and takes a moment to find his voice, overwhelmed in the face of all his friends being so sweet. “I will. I’ll tell you.”

Mikey pulls Gerard in one last time. “Good.” He nods and lets go of Gerard as if the matter is settled and says, his tone immediately brightening, “Now, what are we getting for dessert?”

++++++++
Linda Iero doesn’t know much these days. Some days she has to really work at remembering things like how the TV remote works and where she keeps her hair brush. On those days, she’ll often get lost in her own thoughts and end up reliving something that happened years ago like her wedding day or the birth of her son. She thinks those things happened a long time ago, but some days, she isn’t really sure because they feel very recent.

Some days are really bad. On those days it seems like she can never quite pin down exactly what’s going on and why Cassie has to come sit with her all day and can’t just leave her alone. She isn’t sure what the reason is that Frankie moved back home and she’s a little bit afraid to know the reason because she doesn’t think she’ll like it. On the bad days, Linda finds that coloring books are quite soothing. She can focus on coloring in the pictures nicely, something she hasn’t yet forgotten how to do. She has some measure of success with that and she’s able to feel good about it.

Linda isn’t sure about very many things lately, but she does know that Frankie’s been hanging around the house way too much. She figures it’s because of her and she’s certain it doesn’t have to be this way. One day she hears Frank talking on the phone to his young friend Gerard about an outing to the movies and he says he can’t go. After he gets off the phone, she tells him it’s nonsense for him to stay home because of her. She wants him to go out and be with his friends. This seems to upset him, though, and he leaves the room.

Linda wakes up on the couch in the sunroom late on a Sunday afternoon feeling very, very sad. It takes her a few minutes to understand why, but she soon becomes certain it’s because of Frank. She gets up immediately and goes to find him where he’s watching TV in the living room. He smiles at her when she comes in and she goes to sit down beside him. She reaches for the remote and finds that her head feels very clear. She knows exactly what she needs to say.

She silences the TV and turns to Frank, taking his hands in hers. “I want you to be happy.”

Frank gives her a confused look and shakes his head. “I am happy.”

Linda puts her fingers up to Frank’s lips, shushing him. “I want you to have a life.” Frank shakes his head again, more vehemently this time. Linda places both her hands up on either side of his face. “Frank, you’re in the prime of your life right now. Children aren’t supposed to sacrifice for their parents. That’s backwards. I don’t want that for you.” Linda shakes her head, feeling tears on her cheeks. “I don’t want you to have to do this anymore. I love you, but… you have to have your own life.” She brings her hands down to hold Frank’s again. “I’m ready to go.”

She sees tears running down her only child’s cheeks and instinctively pulls him close. She holds him and rocks him and sings him songs from when he was a little boy and she was the one doing the caretaking.
++++++++

It takes Gerard another two weeks before he’s finally able to convince Frank to come to his house for a night. He and Mikey needle him about it on and off until he reluctantly agrees to call his aunt and plan a time for her to come spend the night with his mom.

Frank is coming over on a Friday night in late November. Gerard has a minor nervous breakdown the Thursday night before, when he looks around his attic and realizes that his room is a disaster in comparison with Frank’s always very neat and tidy house. The rest of the house isn’t too bad because they don’t spend a ton of time in it. Mikey helps when he remembers and Alicia’s always weirdly putting things away and clearing clutter. She’ll do it automatically sometimes in the middle of a conversation or while watching TV and it’s like she doesn’t even realize she’s tidying up. It’s baffling, but Gerard and Mikey don’t complain.

Alicia doesn’t really ever come up to Gerard’s room though, so he’s completely on his own. He gets started cleaning by finally putting all the laundry away, rather than just drawing pictures of Frank doing it. Then he works on straightening up the rest of the room. There are drawing supplies all over the place and his comic books are in random piles on every surface. There’s a stack of DVDs on top of the TV that haven’t been properly put away in months. He eyes all of his belongings sort of critically as he cleans up, wondering what Frank will think about them. A lot of his stuff is similar to what Frank has in his room, but for some reason Gerard is nervous about having Frank here, in his space.

It’s when he goes to change the bedding that he really starts to feel like he’s losing it. He’s having a proper panic attack by the time he’s pulling the blankets up over fresh, clean sheets. He can’t remember the last time he felt like this; it’s been years.

Once the bed is done, he makes himself sit down on it and have a cigarette. He tries to smoke slowly and hopes his heart rate will slow down. On each exhale, he forces himself to admit a fear about his relationship with Frank: he’s afraid Frank will withdraw from him and decide he doesn’t have time for a boyfriend since he has to take care of his mom; he’s afraid he’s going to say or do the wrong thing when it comes to Frank’s mom and Frank is going to break up with him because of that; he’s afraid something will happen between Frank and Alicia and he’ll quit his job at Rebel Tatts and then it will be too hard and weird for him and Gerard to keep dating; he’s afraid Frank will somehow get the idea that Gerard has some kind of saving-people complex and only wants to be with him because he has issues, etc, etc, etc… Each fear he comes up with sounds a little bit more ridiculous than the last and by the time the cigarette is gone, Gerard is laughing at himself.

He grabs his phone and texts Frank to tell him he’s cleaned his room and is excited about tomorrow. Frank texts back immediately, saying that he’s excited, too. “Okay,” Gerard says to himself out loud several times. “It’s going to be okay.”

*_*_*

The next day goes by unusually fast at work. Gerard chalks it up to excitement. He goes straight home after closing up the store and does one last walk-through of the house to make sure things are neat. He tries to appraise the house as if he’d never been in it before and wonders how creepy it really is. It’s hard for him to judge. He can’t really be objective about a place he’s always lived, but he thinks it is somewhat odd compared to other people’s houses. He never put away a lot of his mom’s stuff. Things like her doll collections and bookcases full of horror novels still sit in the same places they’ve been since his and Mikey’s childhood. People have been thrown off by those things before, but Gerard thinks Frank will probably actually find them cool. He hopes, anyway.

Frank went home after work just to check that everything is fine with his mom and talk to his aunt before coming over. Gerard gave him perfectly good directions to their house (which isn’t particularly difficult to find), but he waits anxiously, looking out the front window for Frank’s car to come into sight. After what seems like a small eternity, it comes around the corner and parks on the street in front of the house. Gerard steps out onto the porch to meet Frank as he walks up the steps looking agitated. Gerard pulls him into a hug immediately and holds him, rubbing his back. When Frank backs up, Gerard looks into his eyes for a moment, “You okay?”

Frank takes a deep breath and then nods decisively. “Yes. It’s hard to leave her for so long. But I’m okay.”

Gerard squeezes Frank’s hands and smiles. “Good.”

He takes Frank around the house, showing him the first floor. They find Mikey and Alicia in the kitchen and they each grab a couple slices of the pizza they ordered. When they finish eating, Gerard pulls Frank toward the stairs. On the way up, Frank says, “Mikey told me I should be relieved that you aren’t living in the basement anymore.”

Gerard laughs awkwardly. “Oh, ah, no. My basement years were not exactly my best years.” He hasn’t talked to Frank very much about that period of his life. “What has Mikey told you?”

Frank giggles at Gerard’s insecurity. “Enough… not too much.” He shrugs and grins when they get to the top of the stairs. “Nothing you need to worry about.”

Gerard raises his eyebrow suspiciously, but doesn’t press for details. “Well, I actually live in the attic now,” he motions toward another flight of stairs, “Went from one end of the house to the other.”

“Cool!” Frank sounds genuinely excited. “I always wanted to fix up our attic. There’s a lot we could do with it.”

They climb the stairs to the third floor. Gerard examines the space critically while Frank looks around. He tries to see it through Frank’s eyes. It’s a big, open space with a bathroom at one end and a walk-in closet at the other. Gerard has the space broken up roughly between his sleeping/bedroom area, and his working/studio area. Frank walks around, slowly taking in all Gerard’s miscellaneous crap – knick knacks and horror movie posters, all his art supplies, old records and VHS movies, all his books. Eventually, he turns to Gerard and puts his hands on his cheeks. “I love it,” he says emphatically. “It’s just so…” he waves his arm as he looks around again. “It’s just so you.”

“Yeah?” Gerard still feels inexplicably insecure. “You like it?”

“I do.” Frank nods. “It’s perfect.” Gerard grins and pulls Frank to sit down on the bed with him. “So your parents gave you this house when they retired?”

“Yup.” Gerard nods. “I’m pretty lucky to have a place with no mortgage. That’s kinda rare these days.”

“Oh yeah,” Frank says. “I totally get that. I’ll be the same when I get my mom’s place.” Frank is quiet for a second, still looking around. When he looks to Gerard again, he asks, “So where did your parents move to, anyway?”

“Oh did I not tell you that?” Gerard is surprised he hasn’t mentioned it. “Florida. They moved to Florida -- Lakeland. They’re only, like, 45 minutes away from Disney World.”

“Seriously?!?” Frank’s eyes get huge. “That’s so awesome! So you always have a place to stay for free when you wanna go to Disney World? I fucking love Disney World!”

Gerard laughs. “I do, too. We’ll have to go sometime. We could totally do a Spring Break trip.”

“Yeah?” Frank nips at Gerard’s chin. “You’d take me to Disney World?”

“Totally,” Gerard confirms before grabbing Frank’s neck and pulling him into a searing kiss.

Frank’s hands immediately come up to Gerard’s sides and he lies down, pulling Gerard on top of him. There’s a moment of shuffling, where Frank has to scoot back to get his leg under Gerard and it’s almost awkward because neither of them wants to stop kissing. But then Gerard finds himself nestled between Frank’s legs, his arms on the bed on either side of Frank’s torso and it’s perfect. Gerard tugs on the collar of Frank’s shirt and leans down to lick all along his collarbone. He licks up to Frank’s ear and nibbles on it, making Frank shift around on the bed and giggle. “Tickles,” Frank says softly.

Gerard moves back and puts his hand on Frank’s cheek, petting him gently and just looking into his eyes for a moment. “You know we don’t have to be quiet here. Mikey and Alicia don’t care.”

Frank bites his lip. “Yeah?” He sighs and shakes his head. “Yeah, okay. I mean…” he shrugs, “it’s a habit, I guess. Even when I lived downtown, I had so many roommates and the apartment was so small, we always tried to be quiet.”

“Aaaah, okay.” Gerard nods and nuzzles his nose up under the hair by Frank’s ear. He breathes in deeply, reveling in Frank’s scent. “Well, be quiet if you want then, but you don’t have to, ‘kay?”

“Mmmm, ‘kay.” Frank says and then he pushes Gerard back to get at his neck, latching on with his teeth and sucking hard. Gerard squirms, but doesn’t pull away. He rides it out and breathes through it as Frank makes a hickey that will surely last a while.

When Frank finishes, he lies back on the pillow and grins up at Gerard. “Now, there’s no doubt.”

Gerard raises his eyebrows. “Oh? No doubt about what?”

Frank lifts his hand and gently fingers the mark he just left. “About who you belong to.” He isn’t grinning anymore. Now he’s just looking right into Gerard’s eyes, completely serious. It’s like a question and Frank is waiting for the answer. Gerard feels a smile start to spread across his face and Frank mirrors him. When he shows his teeth, air escapes his mouth as if he’d been holding his breath. Gerard feels such a rush of happiness, he doesn’t know what to do with himself. He slides his hands up under Frank’s back and pulls him close, kissing him hard and deep. Frank goes right along willingly, opening up to him and lifting his leg to wrap around Gerard’s waist.

When Frank throws his head back, he gasps out, “Gee, I want. I feel like I wanna eat you alive. I just,” he pants and brings his hands up to hold Gerard’s face. His pupils are blown wide with lust. “I want you to fuck me.”

Gerard feels his eyes get big. He wasn’t sure if they were at this point yet. He’d hoped, but he never said anything because Frank’s had so many other things on his mind. Frank looks pretty certain right now, though. “Yeah,” Gerard breathes. “Yeah, you want to?”

Frank nods and surges up, pulling Gerard close against him with his leg. Gerard can feel how hard he his through their pants. “I do. I want you.” Frank shakes his head and swallows, still thrusting up slightly. “I have wanted,” he chokes out, “for a while.” He bites at Gerard’s lips and they get lost in violent kisses.

Eventually Frank shifts and starts pawing at Gerard, making frustrated sounds as he pulls on his shirt. “Why are you still wearing clothes?”

“Why are you?” Gerard replies, laughing as he pulls his shirt off over his head. He dislodges Frank’s leg so he can back up and get his pants and underwear off. Frank takes that opportunity to pull off his own shirt and start working on his jeans. Gerard is back before he can finish though, and he takes over, nuzzling his face in the crease of Frank’s thigh once he’s got his jeans pulled down far enough. “Mmmm.” He licks over Frank’s dick through his underwear and uses his teeth just a tiny bit, giggling when Frank gasps and his hips jerk.

“Fucking tease,” Frank mumbles, but his hands are in Gerard’s hair, urging him on, not pulling him away. Gerard takes his time, pulling Frank’s underwear down gradually. When he has only the tip of Frank’s cock free, he takes several long seconds to lick at it and savor the taste of the leaking precome. Frank starts to tremble and gasp. It’s sort of a high-pitched wheezing sound that Gerard’s never heard before. He looks up to see as Frank keeps lifting his arm and then dropping it down to the bed again, like he wants to cover his mouth and keeps remembering that he doesn’t have to. When Frank’s hips start to jerk up involuntarily, Gerard finally pulls his jeans and underwear down to his thighs and holds his hips still. He sinks his mouth down slowly, taking in as much of Frank’s length as he can and doesn’t stop until his nose is buried in the dark hairs at the base. He only goes up and down a few times, just to get the delightful taste and feel, he doesn’t want to get Frank too worked up yet.

He noses at Frank’s balls for a few seconds, then finally backs up to pull his pants the rest of the way off. When he comes back up the bed, he goes straight for Frank’s balls again, licking and sucking at them. He loves the way they feel in his mouth and the ways Frank sort of almost yelps every time Gerard sucks them in. It isn’t long before that’s not enough for him, though. He pushes Frank’s legs apart and licks his way down to Frank’s ass. Frank pulls in a sharp breath and every muscle in his body stills. This is new territory for them. Gerard takes Frank’s cock in his hand and jacks him slowly as he looks up. Frank is looking at him, his eyes wide. “Okay?” Gerard asks.

Frank swallows and nods. “Yeah, okay.”

Gerard tries to give him a reassuring smile. “Just relax, okay?” Frank nods again and lies his head back down against the pillow and Gerard goes back to work on his ass. He strokes Frank’s dick slowly while he does. He licks for a long time, just around the hole, getting it wet and dripping before finally darting his tongue inside. It’s really tight at first, but Gerard keeps working it, pressing in hard. He runs his fingers lightly over Frank’s hip, trying to help him relax, and eventually he does. The tight ring of muscle gives and Gerard gets his tongue in deep. It’s good, it’s so fucking good. He can’t believe how good Frank tastes here. He thinks he could come just from this. There’s no telling how long Gerard could eat Frank’s ass if his tongue didn’t start getting tired eventually.

It’s a while before Gerard finally stops. When he does, Frank is writhing on the bed and pulling in these harsh wheezing breaths, with his eyes squeezed shut tight. Gerard stops everything for a moment and sits up, just running his hands up and down Frank’s thighs. It’s a few seconds before Frank opens his eyes. They’re glazed over as he stares at Gerard in awe and asks, “How is that so good?”

Gerard smiles, still rubbing Frank’s legs. “How are you so delicious?”

Frank barks out a laugh. “Oh Jesus, Gee. You are not real. I’m going to wake up any moment now, I know it.”

Gerard lies down on top of Frank, letting all his weight settle gently on him. “Nope.” He kisses him quickly. “Not a dream.” He bites playfully at Frank’s chin. “This is the real deal, Frankie.”

“Yeah,” Frank says, narrowing his eyes and looking thoughtful. “Yeah, it really fucking is. Fuck me, Gee. I want it. Want it now.”

“Okay.” Gerard nods and leans down for one more, long kiss.

He savors Frank’s mouth until he pushes him away. “Where are your condoms? Tell me you have condoms.”

That startles a laugh out of Gerard as he reaches toward his nightstand. “I do,” he says happily. “And even lube.”

“Lube is always nice,” Frank says breathlessly as he hitches his legs up so he can grab them under the knees, pulling them apart.

Gerard finds the lube and a condom. When he sits back to pour out lube onto his fingers, he has to pause and admire the vision before him. Frank is so fucking gorgeous, spreading himself and waiting for Gerard, still hard and leaking… and impatient. “C’mon!” he demands, shaking his ass at Gerard.

Gerard laughs and scoots forward, pressing in a finger. Once it’s in he wiggles it around until he finds Frank’s prostate. Frank jerks and lets out a string of expletives. Gerard keeps massaging the sweet spot over and over. Frank just takes it. He’s so beautiful like this, his head thrown back, the tendons in his neck sticking out in stark relief. Gerard stops moving his finger and slides in a second but keeps them still. With his other hand he presses his fingers into the side of Frank’s neck. Frank opens his eyes and looks at him questioningly. “You are just so fucking beautiful. So gorgeous, I don’t think you even know.”

In an instant, Frank lets go of one of his knees and pulls Gerard into a sloppy kiss. He bites at Gerard’s lips as he pulls back and says, “Fuck you, you are too much for me. I can’t…” he pauses and pants. “Just fuck me already, okay? I just need you.”

Gerard moves his fingers around in Frank’s ass again, stretching him open and sliding in a third digit. When he goes back to working over Frank’s prostate, Frank starts shaking his head. “Enough! That’s-” he squeezes his ass around Gerard’s fingers. “I’m ready. Fucking do it.”

Gerard pulls his fingers out and quickly tears open the condom. He slides it on and lines up at Frank’s entrance. Pausing for a beat, he looks at Frank. “Yeah?” Frank nods and Gerard pushes in. It’s so tight and so hot and it’s the best thing Gerard has felt in ages. Frank’s trying to relax. He lets Gerard in but Gerard can tell he’s holding his breath. He rubs his hands over Frank’s belly. “Breathe, relax.”

Frank blows out a long stream of air and nods. “Right, yeah.” Once Gerard is buried balls-deep inside, he stills. He leans forward over Frank and waits for him to adjust to the intrusion. It’s only a few seconds before Frank is clenching his ass around Gerard’s dick and gasping, “Move, move Gee, please.” Gerard does. He starts out slow, watching Frank’s face to see how he reacts to different angles. It takes him a few tries to find one that will hit Frank’s prostate each time. He knows he’s found it when Frank shrieks and starts babbling, “Oh my god, so good. So fucking good, Gee.”

Frank drops his knee and moves to throw his arm over his mouth, but Gerard grabs it to stop him. “No,” he says. He finds Frank’s hand and threads their fingers together. “Wanna hear you.” Frank doesn’t look convinced right away, but when Gerard increases the speed of his thrusts, he shuts his eyes and keens and doesn’t argue. Frank is beautiful, crazy beautiful. Gerard feels like he almost can’t believe it – that this is real. He starts jerking Frank slowly in time with his thrusts and tries to memorize the sounds he makes, the way his stomach muscles are clenching, the way his legs are trembling. When Frank’s breathing starts to get erratic, Gerard slows down, intentionally holding back so he isn’t hitting Frank’s prostate each time. He stops stroking Frank’s dick and just rests his hand on his hip for a moment. He wants to prolong this is as much as he can. It’s too good. Frank’s too good not to savor.

Frank squeezes Gerard’s fingers, where their hands are still clasped at the same time as he clenches his ass around Gerard’s cock. “You feel so good inside me, stretching me open. Want you inside me all the time, it’s so good.”

Gerard leans down and kisses Frank. It’s messy and lazy and not very suave, but Gerard doesn’t care. Frank is perfect just like this, in this moment. Gerard tells him, “So perfect Frankie, so fucking hot for me. So good, wanna make you feel so good.” Gerard changes his angle then so he’s back to hitting Frank’s prostate and gradually speeds up. Frank’s breath hitches and he whines way back in his throat. Gerard keeps going and starts stroking Frank’s dick again.

It’s only a few more minutes, as Gerard gradually increases his tempo, before Frank cries out, “So close, Gee.” Gerard can tell, he can feel it in Frank’s body. He speeds up his strokes, giving a twist at the end of each one and thrusts as hard as he dares. He watches in awe as a crimson flush spreads across Frank’s face and down his chest just before he comes. Frank comes long and hard and shudders through aftershocks for what feels like ages, his ass muscles clenching around Gerard’s dick the whole time.

Gerard is close now, too. He pulls Frank a little bit farther down the bed and changes up his angle once again so it’s tight and perfect. He’s only vaguely aware of Frank saying, “C’mon, Gee, c’mon. Come in me. Wanna feel you.” and then he’s tumbling over the edge. He comes hard, deep inside Frank, and thrusts until he can’t bear to move anymore. He stills and catches his breath before pulling out carefully and getting rid of the condom.

Frank’s making grabby hands at him to lie back down as soon as he can and he pulls Gerard close, pulls his face right up to his, but doesn’t kiss him. Frank just looks in his eyes for several long seconds. “Gee.” His voice sounds choked. “I don’t, I mean…” he shakes his head, “I can’t remember…” He groans in frustration and rolls his eyes at himself, placing his hands on Gerard’s cheeks. He swallows and says, determinedly, “It’s never been that good before. I know it hasn’t. No one’s ever been as good as you.”

“Same.” It’s the first word that comes to Gerard’s mind in response and the only thing that makes sense. He kisses Frank quickly and says, “It’s the same for me. I mean you are. You’re perfect for me, Frank. Some days I think I should pinch myself because this can’t be real.”

Frank laughs. “So we’re back to that now, huh?” He grins big and wide and shows his teeth as he pulls Gerard in for another kiss.

They kiss for hours, or maybe just a few minutes and then finally get comfortable on the bed, pulling the blankets over them and cuddling close. Gerard is just starting to drift away in his post orgasmic haze, feeling the edges of sleep tugging at his subconscious when Frank’s phone rings. Frank jerks as if he’d been on the brink of sleep as well. He grabs his phone from the nightstand and squints at the display, sitting up immediately as he answers. “Aunt Lucy?” Gerard can hear a high-pitched woman’s voice on the other end speaking very quickly. “Wait, slow down,” Frank says, obviously trying to keep his voice calm. “Are you sure you looked everywhere? No, that’s impossible I keep a padlock on the fence gate…” He pauses, listening. “Oh… Oh yeah, that is where I keep the keys, but I never thought she’d go looking for them, fuck!” He slaps a hand over his mouth. “Sorry Aunt Lucy. Okay, I’m coming home right now, okay? I’ll be there in fifteen minutes.”

Frank ends the call and jumps up immediately, searching around on the floor for his clothes. “She’s gone,” he says, breathlessly. “She might have gone out through the back gate, but Lucy swears she’s nowhere in the house.”

Gerard jumps up upon realizing the severity of the situation and begins pulling his clothes on rapidly. “Has she ever done anything like this before?”

Frank gets his shirt over his head. When his face emerges, he says, “No, never.” After he pulls on his jeans, Frank sits down on the bed to put on his shoes. “Lucy said she woke up to go to the bathroom and checked in on my mom while she was up and she was just gone.” He jumps up as Gerard finishes getting his jeans on. Gerard stuffs his feet in his shoes and pulls his shirt over his head as he follows Frank downstairs. “Lucy swears my mom was asleep in her room before she went to bed. I don’t understand why she’d just get up and leave. What if she was looking for me?”

Gerard puts his hand on Frank’s arm when they get to the bottom of the stairs. “Frank, you don’t know that. Just breathe, okay? She can’t have gone far.”

Frank shakes his arm out of Gerard’s grip. “No, this was a bad idea. I knew I shouldn’t leave her all night.”

Frank’s picking up his backpack and opening the front door when Mikey and Alicia come in from the living room, yawning. “What’s going on?” Alicia asks. “Did something happen?”

Frank shakes his head, looking hysterical. “My mom’s gone. I have to go home.”

“I’m driving you.” Gerard says, immediately, grabbing Frank’s keys out of his hand.

“Gee, you don’t have to do that.”

“No.” Gerard shakes his head. “You’re in no state to drive like this.

“We’re coming, too.” Mikey says, already pulling on his jacket. “We’ll be right behind you.”

Frank looks like he wants to argue, but ends up just shaking his head. “Okay, fine, whatever. We’re wasting time. We just need to go.” He legs it out the door, pulling Gerard after him.

Frank talks a mile a minute the whole drive to his house about places his mom used to like to take walks to and who she might try to visit in the neighborhood. “But it’s the middle of the night. Why would she leave in the middle of the night? It just doesn’t make any sense. Do you think maybe she didn’t recognize the house? Like, what if she legitimately didn’t know where she was, is. What if she doesn’t know where she is? Oh God, she must be so scared.”

Gerard grabs at Frank’s hand where it’s flailing around and holds it tightly for the last couple minutes of the drive. Frank runs out of the car literally the second they get in the driveway, not even waiting for it to stop before opening the door. Gerard catches up with him quickly. Every light in the house is on and they find Aunt Lucy frantically pacing up and down the front hallway. She quickly recounts what happened and explains that she really has already looked everywhere in the house. She’s crying and apologizing profusely by the time Mikey and Alicia get there. Frank hugs her and tells her it isn’t her fault. He seems to turn green right in front of Gerard’s eyes as he realizes and says aloud, “It could have happened to anyone. It could have happened to me.”

“How long has she been gone?” Mikey asks after he and Alicia have been standing in the doorway for a moment. “Do we know?”

Lucy shakes her head, raising it from Frank’s chest. “I don’t know. I’d only been asleep for about an hour and she was sound asleep when I went to bed. I checked!” Frank rubs her arm soothingly as she speaks. “I realized she was gone when I woke up about a half hour ago, so I guess at the most it’s been about an hour and a half?”

“And she’s on foot, right?” Alicia asks.

Frank nods. “Yeah, she hasn’t driven in months. The only car here was Lucy’s and it’s still in the driveway.”

“Okay, so walking, she can’t have got very far yet,” Alicia says, calmly. “Mikey and I will drive around the neighborhood and look for her. If we don’t find her pretty quickly, though, I think we should call the police.”

Gerard nods. “I agree.”

Frank swallows. “Okay. Okay, um… we have flashlights in the kitchen.”

Frank gets Alicia and Mikey set up with flashlights and they head out in the car. Gerard keeps thinking he could do more by going out to look on foot, but he doesn’t want to leave Frank, who doesn’t seem to want to leave Lucy. “I feel so useless,” she says after a few minutes. “I can’t even watch over my own baby sister for one night.”

“Shhhh…” Frank pulls her close and hugs her. Gerard suddenly feels like he’s invading a family moment that should be private. He goes into the kitchen to make tea.

After about a half hour, Mikey and Alicia come back with no luck and it’s decided that it’s time to call the police. Frank calls and explains the situation. Gerard can’t believe how he manages not to break down on the phone. His body’s shaking, but his voice holds firm - he’s so obviously just barely holding it together. The officer Frank talks to promises that he’ll alert everyone who’s out on patrol tonight to be looking for Linda. He also assures Frank that they’ll call local hospitals and let them to know to be on the lookout for an unidentified woman matching Linda’s description. The officer says that in cases like this, the person is usually pretty close by and found within a couple of hours. He advises that the best thing Frank can do is just sit tight until morning and then start looking again if she still hasn’t been found.

Frank is as white as a sheet when he finally gets off the phone and he lets Gerard hug him. He shakes his head against Gerard’s chest and starts repeating, “I can’t, I can’t,” before looking up at Lucy sadly where she’s sitting between Mikey and Alicia on the couch. Gerard ushers Frank into the kitchen and he’s finally able to let go. He cries, his whole body shaking, with his face buried in Gerard’s neck and his hands wringing the material of Gerard’s shirt.

Gerard holds him and rubs his back and wishes there was something more he could do.

*_*_*

The sky is just starting to lighten when they get the call from the police station.

They had sat up in the living room, drinking tea and smoking while Frank called everyone he could think of that his mom might have gone to visit. Frank has just left a message with the last person on his contacts list when his phone rings in his hand.

He jumps up immediately upon answering and begins pacing, asking questions and frowning at whatever the person on the other end of the line is saying. After a couple minutes, he says, “Okay, we’ll be right there. We’re only about ten minutes away. Thanks again.” As soon as he ends the call, he grabs his jacket and fumbles his keys into Gerard’s hands, pulling him toward the door. “They found her. She’s at the police station. I’ll explain more in the car.” He says over his shoulder, “We’ll be back soon,” just before the door closes behind him.

Frank explains everything in the car, speaking a mile a minute, his words tumbling over each other. “She was at the fucking Seven-Eleven that’s literally like, right down the street.” Frank waves his arm maniacally. “I used to walk there all the time when I was a kid and she needed me to pick up something for dinner.” Frank smokes quickly while Gerard drives. Gerard isn’t sure he’s really even aware of what he’s doing right now. “It was the guy who was working the graveyard shift there who brought her to the police station on his way home. She came into the store just a few minutes before his shift ended. I guess he could tell she was lost.”

Frank jumps out of the car the second it’s parked, throwing away his cigarette and running inside. By the time Gerard gets caught up, Frank’s hugging his mom and clearly torn between crying and yelling at her. He does neither, though, just holds her tight and reassures her that everything’s okay.

She’s clearly shaken up and Gerard’s glad they don’t have to stay at the police station for very long. Once they get in the car to go home, Frank seems to decide that Linda’s clear-headed enough to answer some questions. She apparently had no trouble telling the police her son’s name and their address, but she says she honestly had no idea how to get back to the house from the Seven-Eleven.

Frank leans forward between the two front seats from the back. “But mom, why did you leave the house to begin with?”

Gerard glances over to see Linda’s eyebrows knit together as she speaks. “We needed bread. There wasn’t any bread in the house.”

Frank says almost under his breath. “There’s bread in the freezer in the garage.”

Linda keeps talking. “I woke up and wanted a snack, so I went downstairs to make myself some toast, but there wasn’t any bread.” She turns to look at Frank. “I know you always like to have toast for breakfast, so I needed to get some bread.”

“I-” Frank doesn’t seem to know what to say to that. He simply sighs and sits back in his seat.

Linda repeats softly. “We needed bread.”

No one says anything else for the rest of the drive home.

*_*_*

When they get back to the house, Frank takes his mom upstairs to get her in bed and Gerard explains to the others what happened. Mikey and Alicia settle on the couch and Lucy decides to try to go back to sleep. Gerard walks upstairs with her and pauses on his way back from the guest room when he hears upset voices coming from Frank’s mom’s room. He knows he shouldn’t, but he can’t help it is as he stands outside the closed door and listens.

“But I just don’t understand,” Frank is saying. “What about all that time before you went to the store? There’s hours of time unaccounted for.”

“I already told you,” Gerard can hear from Linda’s voice that she’s crying and probably has been for some time. “I just don’t remember.” It’s quiet for a few seconds except for a rustling that Gerard figures must be bedclothes. “I just walked to the store.”

Frank snorts and says, “In your pajamas,” deadpan.

Linda huffs out a tiny laugh but then seems to sober up quickly as she says, “Frank, I just don’t know my own mind anymore.”

Gerard hears more rustling before Frank says, his voice very low, “You know it really concerns me that you got into a car with a stranger. He could have done anything to you.”

“He was really nice, Frank. I think I can still judge character.” Linda sounds annoyed. “He just took me to the police station. It was fine.”

“Yeah, this time, but what about next time?”

“Frankie,” Linda’s voice is so tender, it reminds Gerard that this is a private conversation and he shouldn’t be listening, but he can’t bring himself to move away. “Frankie, at Winchester House, they have a lot of security, remember?” It’s silent for a second before Linda adds so softly that Gerard almost doesn’t catch it. “No one can wander away from there.”

Now Gerard does step away from the door. He’s never heard Linda speak about her own condition like that before. It’s obviously a conversation only meant for Frank. He moves quickly to go back downstairs, feeling guilty for eavesdropping. Finding Mikey and Alicia curled up on the couch drinking tea, he sits with them until Frank comes back down.

“You guys don’t have to stay,” Frank says immediately when he steps into the room. “In fact…” He waves his hand. “I mean I appreciate you coming over but it’s probably better if you go.”

They get up slowly from the couch and Alicia takes the cups and things from the tea into the kitchen. Gerard comes up behind Frank and wraps his arms around his waist. “I’m staying,” he says softly into Frank’s ear.

“No, Gee.” Frank shakes his head. “You don’t have to.”

“I want to.”

Alicia comes back in from the kitchen and she and Mikey pull on their jackets. Gerard doesn’t budge. Frank says, “How will you get home? You don’t have a car here.”

Mikey says, “One of us will come back for him.”

Gerard backs off while Mikey and Alicia give Frank hugs goodbye. Frank follows them to the door and as they’re walking down the driveway, he finally turns to face Gerard. “You don’t have any clothes here or anything.” He looks troubled and Gerard can’t figure out why he’s being so stubborn about this.

Gerard walks up to Frank and closes the front door. “I should probably start keeping some extra clothes here, anyway, for when I stay over.” Frank frowns and turns away. He leans his forehead against the back of the door and his whole body sags. Gerard places a hand on his back gently and says, “Frank.”

That’s all it takes. Frank turns around and buries his face in Gerard’s neck. “I was so scared,” he sobs. “I was so scared that I’d already lost her.” He looks up at Gerard, his eyes wet with tears. “It’s too soon. I can’t lose her yet.”

Gerard tucks Frank’s hair behind his ears before pushing his head back down to his shoulder. He doesn’t say anything because he doesn’t know what to say. He hopes his presence is enough. After a few minutes, he turns Frank and leads him up the stairs. They stop to look in on his mom and see that she’s already asleep. Once in Frank’s room, they both strip down to their briefs before crawling into bed.

After Gerard switches off the lamp, Frank grabs his hand, twining their fingers together. “I thought I’d have more time with her.”

“Yeah,” Gerard says, because he completely understands that.

Frank rolls over onto his belly and pushes himself up on his elbows to look at Gerard. “When I moved home, I thought…” he swallows, “I thought I was coming home to live with her and take care of her for like, a year maybe… maybe two, not just…” he takes a deep breath, “not just a few months.” Gerard cards his fingers through Frank’s hair and waits him out. “But then the disease took hold and she deteriorated so quickly. I kept hoping that…” he shakes his head, “that maybe it would slow down some and I’d have more time with her.” He drops his face onto the sheet and rubs it around before letting his elbows give out and just collapsing.

Gerard reaches under Frank’s armpits and pulls him to lie with his head on his chest as he continues petting his hair. “At this facility…” Gerard starts and clears his throat. “At Winchester House, they have a lot of specialized treatments and therapies that they do with the patients, right?” Frank nods. “So that might slow it down.” He pauses to let that sink in. “Having that treatment every day from specialists might give her more time, Frank.”

“It might.” Frank looks up at Gerard and gives him the tiniest of smiles. “Yeah, it might.” Breathing in deeply, he nods like he’s finally come to a conclusion. “So it’s worth a try, right?” Gerard nods encouragingly. “For her sake?”

“Absolutely.”

Frank drops his head back down and doesn’t say any more. He wraps his arms around Gerard’s neck and falls asleep in a position that is actually really uncomfortable for Gerard, but he doesn’t even try to get Frank to move.

*_*_*

The second weekend in December, Gerard helps Frank move his mom into Winchester House. Once Frank submitted the necessary letters to the insurance company, it was a really fast process to get her in. Frank had wanted to wait until after Christmas to move her, but a room opened up right away and if Frank’s mom didn’t take it, they’d move on to the next person and Linda would have had to go back to the bottom of the waiting list.

So instead of spending his Saturday off Christmas shopping, Gerard helps Frank move all the things that Linda chose to bring with her. It actually only takes two carloads (Frank’s and Gerard’s) to get it all moved over, and most of the day is spent arranging her room the way she wants it.

It’s late when they get back to Gerard’s house. Frank says he doesn’t think he can handle going back to his own empty house right away, so he stays over and they have waffles and omelets with Mikey and Alicia on Sunday morning.

Frank goes to visit his mom after breakfast and then comes to the strip mall even though he’s not scheduled to work. He says he had a nice time talking with her and just doesn’t feel like going home yet, but Gerard can tell he’s using hanging around the strip mall as a way to put off going back to his empty house. Frank loiters in all the stores, chatting everyone’s ears off and generally just making a nuisance of himself until finally, Mikey drags him over from Lover’s Lane and informs Gerard that he needs to ‘do something!’ with his boyfriend before he damages something.

Business has been pretty slow today in Gerard’s store, unusual for the Christmas season, probably because it’s been snowing on and off all afternoon. It’s only a few hours until closing time so Gerard figures Dave can handle the store on his own until it’s time to close up shop.

Gerard follows Frank to his house. It takes longer than normal because of the snow. Once they finally get there, Frank hesitates on the porch. He taps all the locks lightly and laughs, high-pitched and nervous sounding. “I thought having all these locks would keep her safe. All these locks on the front door and she left through the back gate.” He shakes his head. “Guess I don’t really need quite so many anymore.” Frank pushes the door open, but then immediately pulls it back, turning to Gerard. “Let’s not go in yet. Let’s go get a dog.”

Gerard gestures weakly at the falling snow. “Frank.”

Frank nods. “Right.” He pushes the door open again slowly and goes inside, turning on lights as he moves through the house to chase away the shadows created by the rapidly falling twilight.

Gerard goes into the kitchen, unsure what to do with himself at first until he shrugs and decides he might as well make dinner. “I’m making mac and cheese,” he hollers toward the back of the house where Frank is puttering around in the sun room. He decides to go ahead and make two boxes of the soy mac and cheese that Frank likes, figuring it won’t hurt for him to have leftovers.

After a few minutes, Frank comes into the kitchen. He pauses in the doorway and leans against the doorjamb, tapping it with his fingers. “You’re doing the white cheddar, right?”

“Of course.” Gerard motions for Frank to come to him. “C’mere.”

Frank comes and lets Gerard hold him in a long hug. Eventually, he says, “You have to come over all the time, Gee. It’s gonna be way too fuckin’ quiet around here.” Frank looks at Gerard’s chest and says, “I’ve never lived alone.”

“It’s okay. I’ll come over a lot.” Gerard assures him.

“And I wanna go get the dog next weekend,” Frank says without looking up, softly touching Gerard’s collarbone. “It can be my Christmas present, too.”

“Okay.” Gerard clasps his hands at the small of Frank’s back.

“And you have to come with me to visit her at least once a week.” Frank finally raises his eyes.

“Sure,” Gerard says. “Of course.”

“And you’re taking me to visit your parents and go to Disney World for Spring Break.”

Gerard doesn’t hesitate. “I’ll look up airfares tomorrow.” Frank punches Gerard lightly in the side. “Ooof, what was that for?”

“Stop it.” Frank smirks. “I can’t take it. Stop being so great.”

Gerard laughs and shakes his head. “Sorry, you’re stuck with me.”

Frank tucks his hair back behind his ears a few times, looking agitated before he laughs to himself a little and pushes Gerard away toward the stove. “Go ahead and make dinner.” He sits down at the table and lights up a cigarette. “I’ll just sit here and let you wait on me.”

Gerard’s cooks while Frank sits at the table and smokes. They don’t talk much, but it’s nice. It feels… okay, comforting. They eat in companionable silence and when they’re through, Frank leans back in his chair and says, “Toro asked me to join his band.”

“He did?” Gerard gapes, he hadn’t heard any such thing. “When?”

“Today.” Frank picks up his bowl and carries it over to the sink. “He said he’s been thinking about it for a while, actually. He looked up some YouTube videos to see me playing with my old bands.” He shrugs as he comes back to the table. “Guess he liked what he saw.”

“That’s so great, Frankie!” Gerard sits up and reaches across the table to hold Frank’s hand.

Frank nods and finally smiles as his hand meets Gerard’s. “Yeah, it really is. I told him we have to have a name, though.” He shakes his head. “I’m not playing in a nameless band! The next thing Mikey comes up with is it!” He pounds the table to emphasize his point.

Gerard laughs. “Good luck with that.” He and Frank smile at each other dopily for a few seconds before Gerard remembers something. “Since we’re all about sharing good news right now, I have some of my own.” He squeezes Frank’s hand. “I’ve just been waiting for the right time to tell you.”

Frank raises his eyebrows. “Oh yeah? What’s that?”

Gerard takes a deep breath. “On Friday, I got a call from a dude I knew in art school. He works for a comic publishing company now and was able to get me a meeting.”

“No shit.” Frank’s eyes get huge.

Gerard nods. “Yeah, I was stunned, too. I only sent him a few panels, but I guess they really like my stuff.” He scratches his head, feeling unaccountably nervous about the whole thing. “The meeting is this week already, Wednesday in New York.”

“Which publisher is it?” Frank squeezes Gerard’s hand

“Dark Horse.”

“Are you fucking serious, oh my God!” Frank throws his arms up and comes around the table. “That is so awesome!”

“It really is.” Gerard shakes his head and pushes away from the table so that Frank can settle in his lap. “It almost feels too good to be true. I’m sort of afraid to get my hopes up.”

“Fuck you!” Frank shoves him. “You’re going to be great! It’s going to be great! They’re going to love you and offer you a contract, I just know it!”

Gerard grins. “I don’t know if it’ll be that easy. I’m told there’s usually some negotiation involved, but I appreciate your optimism.” He hugs Frank close, still smiling.

“Damn straight,” Frank says. He turns his head to the side for a moment and looks around the room like he’s considering his words. He speaks very carefully as he says slowly, “You be my realism and I’ll be your optimism and there’s nothing we can’t do.”

Gerard considers those words for a few seconds and as they settle in his mind, they begin to make perfect sense. “So that’s how we work, huh? I didn’t realize.”

“It is.” Frank nods. “My mom said so today.”

Gerard raises an eyebrow. “She was having a good day, then?”

Frank snorts. “For some reason she had this idea that we’re in business together. She kept asking ‘how’s business?’ and telling me what a great businessman you are and how you’ll keep me in line with all my big ideas.” Gerard has to snicker at that and Frank shrugs. “I don’t know where she comes up with this stuff, but she still knew me and she was in a great mood, so I just went with it.”

Gerard shrugs, too. “Sounds reasonable to me.” He thinks about it for a minute and says, “I’m really glad she seems to like Winchester House so much.”

“Me too.” Frank nods. He sobers and looks at Gerard seriously for a long moment. His voice is deep and dry when he finally says, “Eventually, she’s going to get a lot worse.” He pauses and takes a deep breath. “One day she’s not going to know me anymore and I’ll probably be a total basket case about it. I’m just warning you.” Frank’s voice rises in pitch at the end of the sentence and Gerard grabs his hand, threading their fingers together.

“When that happens, however bad it gets, we’ll deal with it together, okay?” Gerard is as certain of this as he is of anything.

Frank shakes his head, frowning. “I want to believe that-”

“So believe it. If you want to believe it, just believe it.” Gerard puts his fingers over Frank’s lips to stop him from speaking. “I’m not going anywhere. I’m here for you, with you, whatever happens.” He smiles again and pulls Frank closer. “It’s like you said just a minute ago, like your mom said, there’s nothing we can’t handle together.”

Gerard takes his fingers down from Frank’s mouth and he nods, a smile tugging at the corner of his lips. “Okay.” He takes a deep breath. “Okay, I believe you.” Frank leans in and kisses Gerard very softly, making a tiny, needy noise in the back of his throat.

Gerard pulls out of the kiss and mumbles, “We have the house to ourselves.”

Frank giggles and raises an eyebrow. “So we do.” He leans down to lick at Gerard’s neck and bites his ear. Gerard gasps and Frank pulls back. He has a manic grin on his face as he says, “We should totally have sex in every room in the house now, just because we can.”

Gerard nuzzles his nose against Frank’s. “Which room should we start with?”

*_*_*

Gerard is just locking up the store on a snowy Tuesday night when Frank comes bouncing out of Rebel Tatts. He’s grinning as he grabs Gerard’s hand. “So hey, I was thinking… I know it’s kind of an odd request considering that it’s so cold out and snowing, but I was just wondering…” He tucks his hair behind his ear. “How about ice cream?” He pauses and looks up at Gerard with a hopeful expression. Gerard feels the beginning of a smile forming on one side of his mouth. Frank’s eyes are sparkling. “I mean, would you like to get some… with me? Because there isn’t anywhere I have to be right now.” He gestures weakly with one hand. “I know there’s only one place in town that has soy ice cream, but…” he trails off.

Gerard grins as he leans his forehead down to touch Frank’s. “I would love to go get some ice cream with you.”

“Yeah?” Frank bites his lip. “You don’t think it’s too cold?”

Gerard laughs, shaking his head as he pulls Frank close. “It’s never too cold for ice cream so long as I have you to warm me up after.” Frank giggles for just a second before Gerard silences him, catching his mouth up in a sweet kiss. The snow swirls around them. It’s a while before they remember the ice cream.

Mix

Art

Master Post