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For perhaps the first time in her life, the impenetrable Taissa Turner can admit she’s been nursing a little bit of a crush.
And no, not an impossible crush like a celebrity on TV or anything else, but a teammate, at that. Tai wasn’t stupid or ignorant— she’d known she liked girls and only girls since she was 14. She was also aware, however, that being openly gay in Wiskayok in 1995 was nothing short of having a sign on her back saying “kick me”, so she was perfectly fine with shelving it away until college and just coolly rejecting any weird boys who tried to get with her.
That had worked pretty well so far. Until, well— until Van.
Tai had joined the Yellowjackets fairly new to soccer her freshman year, and it wasn’t until the next year where she and a group of other girls her age made varsity that she began to actually bond with her teammates. Well, as much as she could, anyway. Tai was acutely aware of how intense she could be and how that would often scare people off, and at times, it was jarring to a lot of her teammates. But as the season progressed, she realized that she didn’t hate spending time with these people.
Still, her sophomore year it wasn’t like she was genuine friends with most of these girls even as the parties they’d have at rich girl Lottie’s house together were pretty cool. They only really became fully bonded as a team their junior year. Which, naturally, was when she began to notice things about Van.
Van was their fearless goalie, just as no-nonsense as Taissa was but just as able to be goofy and funny. She could lighten the mood most times, but wasn’t by any means bludgeoning you with optimism, because just like Tai, she was nothing but a realist. And, naturally, Tai really liked that about her.
Well, Tai liked a lot of things about her. She liked how Van’s thick red locks would catch the sunlight at certain practices in the spring and she would be golden, the earnest smiles on her face after a well-executed play brighter than any star. She liked how Van wouldn’t resist being real with their teammates about how they were playing that day without making them feel like shit about it (a skill of which Tai did not possess). She liked how cool she was with just about all of the team, doing elaborate handshakes with Nat or giving Shauna bro-hugs during tight spots in games or gently coaching Jackie on her technique in a way that she’d somehow be receptive to and everything else Van did for them. She liked that despite how there was clearly shit going on underneath both of their focused exteriors it never had to be brought up and she could simply be herself with Van, no explanations required. Mostly, Tai just liked Van. More than a lot.
She had, unfortunately, failed to fully quash her growing feelings. After they lost state and it was pretty devastating for all of them, Tai somehow found herself being drawn to spending more time with her. In the summer especially, the redhead ended up at Tai’s house more often than not.
And it was an exhilarating summer in all the right ways— losing state had brought all of the ‘96 seniors closer together, actually. Parties at Lottie’s or Jackie’s and calling each other up to do whatever and drinking whatever shitty alcohol and decent weed was available to them. (Not all of them, of course, but regardless.)
Tai’s crush only grew, however. The moments she spent playing tipsy games of Truth or Dare in Lottie’s backyard playing with Van’s hair while her head was in Tai’s lap, the two of them getting Blizzards from Dairy Queen and sleeping over at Tai’s house watching some shitty slasher they got from Family Video, among many others.
But who was Taissa to act on it? Sure, Van dressed like that and carried herself like that, in a way that was so positively dykey that your awareness level would have to be at a Jackie Taylor to not figure it out. (Not to say Jackie was a moron, because she wasn’t, just more often than not dense.) But that didn’t matter, because even if it’s pretty clear Van is a raging lesbo like herself, so what? That doesn’t guarantee the other girl likes her back.
It was towards the beginning of the fall semester their senior year when Taissa began to re-evaluate her own monologues that “just because she’s clearly gay doesn’t mean she’s into you, genius” and instead consider doing something about it. Really caused by one main thing.
“Hey, Tai,” Van says, swooping next to her locker before Tai’s off to Calc AB. “You got any hot dates this weekend?”
Tai hefts her textbook out of her locker, closing it and turning to Van’s grinning visage. “Actually, yeah. Brendon Fraser and I are heading up to Long Island together. It’s getting very serious between us.”
Van acts mock-hurt, putting a hand to her chest. She’s wearing a striped button-up she definitely snagged from the thrift store, unbuttoned a little and it’s very difficult for Tai to control the intrinsic urge to pull her close by the lapels of her shirt. “Ouch. Man, that sucks, because I was going to ask if you wanted to come over tonight, seeing how it is the weekend and all.”
Tai quirks a brow as she starts walking to her Calc class, Van trailing next to her. Van had a free period right now, but even if she didn’t, Tai’s certain the redhead would be walking her to class anyway.
“Oh yeah? You’re finally going to let me see all of your house of secrets?”
Van nods solemnly, toning down her grin but it’s still clearly present. Or maybe Tai’s just too tuned-in to these things, to this girl. Either or.
“Yes, ma’am. Well, we’ll be in my room probably the entire time, but we can do whatever you want.”
They stop next to the door of Mr. Hawthorne’s class, the teacher of Calc AB & BC as well as regular Geometry and Honors Geometry. Tai always liked him, he was nice and easygoing and slightly goofy. Plus, he never chastised her for occasionally running late after talking it up with Van. “Whatever I want, huh?”
Van puts on her best Midwestern mom impression, perfected from observing her own Michigan family over the years— “Oooh, you betcha.” Naturally, Tai can’t help giggling and Van’s smile grows a bit brighter. “No, but seriously. If you want me to pick you up and the whole nine yards, I got you covered.”
Tai’s mouth leans into her own easy smile. “Yeah, that would be cool. Thanks.” She gently nudges Van, the other girl rolling her eyes and shrugging. “It’s what I do,” she says, the statement sounding slightly Brooklyn-esque (one of her favorite accents to do). “Is seven cool for you?”
Tai nods attentively. “Yeah. Just don’t be late,” she lulls, before turning into the classroom.
“Aye aye, captain,” Van replies, saluting her before the bell rings. Tai salutes her back, to which the redhead then winks and disappears from her sight before Mr. Hawthorne goes to close the door.
Taissa is infinitely thankful Mr. Hawthorne is only going over the quizzes from Wednesday, because if he wasn’t, Tai’s grade in Calc AB would probably see a bit of a drop.
Not that she’d bitch about it, though. She couldn’t gripe about being distracted by Van. It was impossible to, honestly. When the world gives you a gift like a sweet, funny and upsettingly attractive goalie, you simply say “thank you” and move on.
After all, she couldn’t force herself to complain about Van.
☆★☆
Van is true to her word, of course, and pulls up to Tai’s house in her beat-up Subaru. Van either conned it or inherited it from some of her friends in Newark— Tai wasn’t sure which one, but knowing Van it could very much be both. She really had no idea why Mrs. Palmer was gone for the weekend— she didn’t want to press Van for details, so she didn’t. Thankfully, though, this meant they could exist without any interruptions and that Van could pick her up in her beloved Subaru.
Tai is up in her room securing her bandana before she sees the car pull right next to her driveway, and of course, the redhead can’t resist the desire to honk and poke her head out of the window. Tai rolls her eyes affectionately and lifts her window up, looking down at Van, waiting for her with a goofy grin on her face and one hand on top of the roof of the car.
“Yo, Tai!” She raises her free hand as high as it can go, and Tai can’t help the small smile on her face. “I’ll be right down.” Van gives her a dutiful nod and another salute, Tai once again affectionately rolling her eyes before shutting her window. Her parents were out on a date night tonight— so thankfully she wouldn’t have to quiz them on who Van is and where they’d be. Her parents really never kept track of Tai’s life, for good and for bad.
She shuffles down the staircase, breezing to the front door and pulling it open before shutting it and locking it with her pair of keys. Indeed, there Van was in the flesh, even more handsome up-close than she was from the window.
“Good evening, Miss Turner,” Van lilts in what Tai thinks is an impression of an English butler, and as ridiculous as it is she can’t resist a chuckle.
“Good evening to you too, bozo,” Tai teases while getting in shotgun and shutting the door, before playfully shoving the redhead as the other girl has the stupidest grin on her face. Tai clicks herself in, and Van starts the cassette up again, playing the familiar tune of Sleater-Kinney through the Subaru’s speakers.
“You up and at ‘em?” Van asks, making sure the girl is properly buckled and locked-in, to which Tai nods.
“I always am.”
☆★☆
She’s really only been in Van’s house once before now— it’s a one-story, there’s Van’s tiny room (which is as big as Lottie’s walk-in closet) on one side and her mother’s room on the other and a bathroom in the middle. The one time she had briefly appeared before was accompanying Van to fetch her cleats, to which a very frazzled Van seemed very self-conscious about the state of the house and that her mother was passed out on the couch with a few empty bottles and glasses on the coffee table. Even with her mom’s absence now and the fact Van had clearly made an effort to clean up, the house still reeked of booze despite it all. It’s not like they were spending a lot of time in the living room and adjoining kitchen anyway, as when Van parked her car and they got out they only went in, Van locked the door, and they took their shoes off before the redhead led Tai to her room.
“Well, here she is,” Van says as they slip into her room, gesturing around the space.
It wasn’t messy, per say, but Tai would definitely say it’s disorganized. Her bed is a full, a huge comforter draped over it and a few tasteful posters over it, a Sonic the Hedgehog plush sitting against the pillows. Tai notices the X-Files poster she got Van as part of her birthday gift a few months back. There’s a small dresser that hosts a second-hand TV and a well-loved Sega Genesis next to a stack of VHS tapes on top of it, some of them clearly overdue and probably at this point stolen from Blockbuster. There are some clothes on the floor, placed strategically it seems, and the closet is open. Her array of flannels and polos are hung on hangers, pants on the top shelf with her shoes lining the bottom of the closet.
As Tai looks downward towards the bottom of Van’s closet near her shoes, she notices there’s a few things shoved into the corner of the closet. She doesn’t have to look twice to know they’re the dresses or skirts Van’s mom tried to shove down the redhead’s throat. Mrs. Palmer (as she insisted all the Yellowjackets call her, even though Nat had grumbled “she’s not even married” about it) always decried her daughter for being too “boyish”, and would often drop passive aggressive comments on her for whatever she was wearing and just generally how she behaved. Van was definitely more closed-off when her mom was around, something that sent a pang of anger through Tai’s veins for somebody to have the audacity to make Van’s sweet, goofy self crumble.
“Considering your mom barely uses her room, I think you deserve the master bedroom and a queen bed.” Van laughs at Tai’s snarky comment, and she relishes in the sound. Really, Van hadn’t told her all that much about her mom, but she could connect the pieces from what Van did tell her and also at the interactions she witnessed between them when Van was being dropped off for practice or a game.
“I mean, a full is a good size.” Van plops herself onto her bed, rearranging it to gently move Sonic to the side. “Better than a shitty twin.”
“How are you going to survive college?” Tai teases, sitting next to her on her bed.
Van rolls her eyes. “C’mon, you know I always have tricks up my sleeve.” She clears her throat. “D’you wanna play something on the Genesis?”
“Yeah, that’s cool. What do you have?”
“Um.” Van gets up, looking through her game cartridges among the VHS tapes. She seemed atypically nervous, and Tai briefly thinks it could be because she’s doing that to Van, as egotistical as that is a thought. But this was also the first time she had been in Van’s room (and she believes, probably the first time any of the Yellowjackets had besides Nat who had been friends with Van forever) so of course the other girl is nervous. Tai really needs to get over her stupid fucking feelings and grow up already— there was too much risk associated to do anything in high school. And yet, she wanted regardless.
Van’s voice snaps her out of her trance. “I have Street Fighter, if that’s cool.” Tai nods. “Yeah, if you like getting your ass kicked.”
Van turns to her, holding the cartridge in her hand, sporting such an incredibly earnest grin that she feels like being melted down and recycled. “Only if it’s by you, Tai,” Van quips, giggling before putting the cartridge in and turning the console and TV on as all Tai can do is scoff affectionately.
They sit down at the edge of Van’s bed as she gingerly hands Tai the other controller, starting up the game. Naturally, Van chooses Zangief and Tai opts for Chun-Li, and while Van puts up a decent fight, she ultimately gets demolished in the first round.
“Okay, nah, nah, nah. Let me get another shot at this. I needed a warm-up.”
Tai laughs warmly. “A warm-up, huh? You know I always win, Van.”
“That can’t stop me from trying,” Van says with a huff, pouting. Tai tries not to think about how cute the redhead’s pout is, ultimately to no avail.
“Okay, whatever,” Tai says coolly, basking in the moment.
“Best two out of three?”
☆★☆
After Tai thoroughly destroys Van in Street Fighter (even as she was genuinely pretty close in their last fight), the two girls opt to put on a movie. Of course, the redhead has ample candy for the occasion, and after some rifling through her stack of VHS tapes, Van digs out The Hunger and puts it on.
“So David Bowie wants to not be such a dried-up raisin of a man,” Tai confirms.
Van chuckles from where she is with her head in Tai’s lap, even as she has a Red Vine in her mouth. “Yeah. But Catherine Deneuve is fucking with him like crazy. You just have to wait for it.”
Tai rolls her eyes affectionately. “Okay, whatever,” she says, devoid of all malice before digging her hands into the package of Dots as Van giggles. Tai tries her very best to focus on the movie, but to her defense, it becomes very hard when occasionally Van will notice she’s confused or Tai will purposefully ask a question just to have Van explain something to her and she goes on a dorky tangent, her eyes lighting up and all Tai can do is tone down her wonderment as she’s explaining the most random shit to Tai. Could you blame her for being struck by their handsome goalie, though, really?
It gets to the sex scene between Catherine Deneuve and Susan Sarandon and Tai’s eyes darken. “Oh,” she says, somewhat quietly. “I know why you wanted to watch this movie now.”
Against her own will, Van flusters. “Um, not true. It’s also just, like, a good movie.” She huffs in protest, which is upsettingly cute. It emboldens Tai to maybe be more than a little… well.
“You probably would’ve put on a movie with a lesbian sex scene anyway if you didn’t have this one.”
Van pauses, her mouth slightly parted for a shaky breath to exit. Her deep, green eyes are clearly staring at Tai’s- at Tai’s—
Without a moment to process, Van tugs Tai downwards and connects their lips. It’s a move that while completely unexpected is extremely welcomed, and Van’s mouth is warm and pliable, tasting of the Red Vines they just had and slightly of Altoids. Van always kept a case of them on her just in case her and Nat decided to have any last-minute smoke sessions and she needed to disguise her breath.
Van pulls back entirely too soon, however, and Tai finds herself missing the warmth of the other girl’s mouth, the slight scratchiness of the other girl’s lips.
“So, uh-“ Tai starts, but she’s cut off before she manages anything other than the two syllables out of her.
“I’ve had a crush on you since the moment I saw you,” Van blurts out. She blushes deeper than she did before when accusing Van of putting on certain movies just to watch women kiss, and even as this Van is so foreign to her she is deeply enamored with the nervous, conscious Van on full-display right now.
Tai blinks. “Seriously?” It comes out judgmentally, as per usual Taissa Turner standards, but of course Van doesn’t take it personally and doesn’t register the deadpan as Tai being a dick as so many other of her teammates and peers did.
Van nods solemnly. “Yeah, seriously. I just thought you were so fucking cool— this impenetrable, hard as nails girl that always stood her ground for better or for worse.” There’s a pause, and Van shrugs. “You’re also, like, insanely fucking gorgeous too, which helps.”
That causes a grin to spread on Tai’s face and Van to laugh, and Tai shoves her affectionately. She then swallows, looking down at the other girl in her lap and moving some of her wayward red strands of hair out of her face.
“I’ve liked you for… longer than I want to admit. You’re so cool and, like… so fucking sweet.” A smile is tugging on the edges of Van’s face at that, and Tai tries her best not to fucking explode. “You have all this love and joy to give, and yeah, you’re pretty fucking sexy too.” Tai runs her fingers through Van’s hair, and the redhead laughs. “I just told myself, like, just because she’s a dyke doesn’t mean she wants to get with you, genius.”
Van furrows her brows, and sits up on the bed, turning to face Tai so they’re now eye-level. “Tai, why would anyone with half a fucking brain not want to get with you? You’re so fucking determined, and strong, and it was so dumb of Coach Martinez to choose Jackie as captain even though you deserved it, and—“
Tai silences Van then, capturing her in a kiss. It’s more fervent and needy than their first kiss was, and one of Tai’s hands finds its way into Van’s hair, pulling lightly. Van releases a small moan into Tai’s mouth, as she slides her tongue in. Sure, Tai had had her fair share of stolen makeout sessions with other girls on vacations or tournaments, but it’s never felt as real as this. It’s never felt as real as Van panting into her mouth, pulling Taissa flush against her.
Just like that, Van gently breaks the kiss to trail down Tai’s neck, sucking lightly at points to elicit just the right gasps out of her.
“Fuck- fuck— like that.”
Tai knows her breath is ragged as all hell, and she can feel Van exhaling breathily on her skin too, the slight exhales feeling like a pulsating presence on her skin. Van’s hands shift down to palm Tai’s boobs over her top, and she gasps. “Under,” Tai forces out, and Van only obeys, her hands slipping under her top to get more direct access to her boobs.
Van gently pushes Tai down on the bed, and she marvels at this sight— of Van on top of her, doing all this like it was second nature to her. But even as Van played up a big womanizer personality, trying her damndest to get girls’ numbers at state whenever she could, Tai knew that really wasn’t her. She knew that in contrast to her outward persona, Van was way more quiet and reserved when it came to intimacy.
Their lips surge together again, as Van’s hands are still fondling her boobs over her bra. It’s not as if they’d have sex tonight, of course not, as horny and antsy as they were— they only just realized their feelings were mutual like thirty minutes ago. Regardless, Tai feels herself aching for more— a demand that is satiated by Van’s knee slotting in between her legs.
Tai only whimpers in response, and grinds down on Van’s knee. The pressure feels so fucking good, as she wasn’t even aware of how wet she was until now. Van’s hands slip under her bra, then, tracing over her nipples, and she exhales once again. It doesn’t take long at all for her nipples to get hard, and combined with that with Van’s knee… oh, this girl was going to be the death of her already.
Tai is only sinking further into the kiss with Van, feeling how acutely and how intrinsically the redhead knew to turn her on, and of course, her watch goes off.
They both instinctively jump off one another, and Tai looks down at her watch, frowning. 9:00 . Damn it. She had to be back home before her parents got home at 9:30. Fuck, of course something like this just has to interrupt their equally parts blissful and cathartic makeout session.
Van blinks, sitting up on the bed and putting her hands back behind her. “You gotta go?”
Tai gets up, scoffing. “Unfortunately. My parents always flip their shit if I go out while they’re gone.” Tai grabs her bag, and readjusts her scarf in the mirror on the back of Van’s door, before turning to the other girl who’s sitting politely on her own bed. True to form as before, Van looks nervous.
“Okay, so now, are we, like…”
Taissa raises a humorous eyebrow, walking closer to her to where she’s towering over the redhead. “Like what, Van?”
Van frowns, her nose scrunching up in a way that is impossibly cute. “Like… you know. Together. If that’s what you want.”
Tai mulls over the situation, Van nervous and fiddling with her fingers while trying to properly ask Taissa out— or to be her girlfriend, after they had just made out on Van’s bed. Regardless.
It sinks in then, really, how fucking sweet Van is, how despite being a goofy jock that makes her teammates laugh by doing silly impressions or putting on raucous bits that she’s here in front of Tai completely anxious. How she barely talks about herself, always opting to steer the conversation towards another topic or brush it off. How each of them got shit from insecure boys for different reasons, but both her and Van seemed to endure the most of it— Van for daring to be herself and be masculine as all hell at 17 years of age when the emphasis was put on girls being dainty and delicate, two things of which Van was not— and Tai for daring not to take any shit and not focus on being digestible to her mostly white peers. How despite all that nonsense she was so sweet and romantic, and God was this leagues more romantic than any half-hearted proposals Tai had endured by sleazy baseball boys. Or just anything any boy had ever said to her in such a context, period.
Tai nods slowly. “Yeah. That is what I want. Because I do want you, Van. I told you I have for a while.”
Van looks a little bashful as Tai gets closer to her. “Seriously?” She’s trying to be nonchalant, but Tai can feel that there’s probably fireworks going off inside her chest.
“Mhm,” she hums, threading a hand through Van’s thick locks. Her scent is beyond comforting to Taissa— men’s body wash mingling with Old Spice, mostly. She figures Van must’ve swiped it from one of her mom’s weird boyfriends, and Tai is glad she did, because she’s certain it suits her much better than it suits the gross boyfriend Tai is picturing in her imagination.
Van just looks up at her adoringly, green eyes equally anxious and starstruck. “So when do I get to take you out on a real date?” Tai can’t help but crack a smile at that. Of course Van is a romantic. It just makes total sense.
She hums as she drags a hand through Van’s hair, scratching her scalp a bit. “Well, my parents are going out of town for some swanky conference next weekend, so… you know. I’ll call you, let you know.”
Van nods, her calloused and freckled hand finding Taissa’s free hand. “I’ll plan something. I promise I’ll sweep you off your feet, be your knight in shining armor.” The last four words she puts on a shitty British accent, and it still makes Tai chuckle and tuck a red hair behind her ear.
Van stands up, then, still holding Tai’s one hand before leading her to the front door to put their shoes on.
“C’mon, Tai. Let’s get you home, yeah?” It makes her smile somehow, despite it being wholly literal.
Home. Yeah.
Wherever she’s with Van.
☆★☆