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The first tell-tale sign that Heizou didn't have a good day was when his coat was on when he entered the house. Someone got on his ass about breaking dress code again.
And that someone was usually Madam Kujou Sara, who only turned up when she needed something from Heizou.
"You look terrible ."
"Thanks. I'm aware, dear."
Heizou groaned and plopped into the couch, head in his hands.
"Today was mostly paperwork," Heizou lamented, "I'm going to need to train today. I don't want to."
While violence certainly wasn't Heizou's thing, he still had to begrudgingly train on his days off or the days he didn't do his usual routine in order to keep up his strength and endurance. Scara admired the dedication since it was his Heizou, but he was too harsh on himself.
"Then don't," Scara deadpanned, "If you're so tired, then you can just not do it."
Heizou chuckled, "I would if I could, but my fighting style is useless if I can't last long in said fight."
"... I should start calling you brick wall ," the puppet replied in annoyance, "Your getup and stubbornness match the name."
"Says the pot to the pan," Heizou noted, "I'd make a fantastic brick wall anyways."
Scara scoffed.
"Go train, dummy. You're just wasting time complaining."
"Fine, fine," Heizou said, hands held up in the air, "But training alone is boring ."
Scara sighed, "... You're being not subtle on purpose."
"Yes. Will you accompany me, my dear Kuni?"
As much as he wanted to deny it so he could get some rest, declining Heizou was impossible for him. His eyes always analyzed things, he couldn't just lie to the guy whose entire job is to find the truths and figure out how to manipulate them to his advantage.
"I will," Scara replied begrudgingly, "Just give me a few minutes."
"Alright, I'll be waiting in the backyard."
. . • ☆ . ° .• °:. *₊ ° . ☆
"Are you ready?"
Heizou got himself in the proper standing position and looked expectantly at Scara, waiting for his response.
Now, while Scara wasn't trained in Martial Arts, he still had some combat experience. A lot of it. So, he just nodded his head despite Heizou's skeptical look.
With the greenlight, Heizou began his game of whack-a-mouche . Kicks, punches, swings; he did it all in an attempt to hit his boyfriend (gently, because Heizou didn't want to bruise him). Scara managed to last a grandiose total of 15 seconds before Heizou landed a hit on him.
"1 - 0," Heizou said, "I didn't hit you too hard, right?"
Scara just rubbed his shoulder, "I'm fine. Stop worrying so much."
He might've underestimated Heizou. Just maybe.
"Round 2?"
"Sure."
Again, the same story; Heizou used everything at his disposal (barring his vision) to hit Scara. Except this time, Scara kept on focusing on the wrong thing and the round ended in 9 seconds after Heizou kicked him on his thigh.
"That was quite a step down," Heizou noted, and then motioned, "You are aware my legs are over here , right?"
"I am aware," Scara rolled his eyes, "Are we going to continue or not?"
So, they did. Round 3 went as well as round 2, except he went on for an additional second. How lively .
"Maybe we should switch roles, " Heizou suggested after seeing the demoralized look on Scara's face, "You'll tag, I'll dodge."
Scara nodded. How hard could this be?
Well, very hard apparently. They did another 3 rounds like last time, Heizou lasted through the entirety of them without getting hit a single time.
Round 1 lasted 5 minutes before Heizou asked Scara to surrender (which he did to give him a break. He noticed his dodges got slower; there was no point in fighting someone who's tired).
For the 2nd round, Heizou was using more... abstract ways to get the job done. Or, as Scara liked to put it in retrospect: showing off. Something his beloved detective didn't have was immense strength, but holy shit he had a tight grip and was extremely flexible (what? Can't a man appreciate his boyfriend's talents without being judged?).
Said flexibility was displayed on that round. It made Scara's head go into the gutter (well, even more than it already was).
Now, round 3 also showcased another one of Heizou's great talents: taunting. Some of the more short-tempered criminals he sent into the jail got caught by mere mockery; "How could such a big guy let lil' old me get away?", "Oh come on, you said you had what it takes to beat 'Cyclone'", "It's okay, sometimes we all need a bit of a head start. I'll give you 15 seconds to run ."
Those were some of the ones he's heard the prisoners complain about when he's forced to go to the police station to drag Heizou out of his office. It was quite the effective strategy, and it worked on Scara's moody ass just as well as the other criminals.
"Kuni, you've lost your edge."
"I was expecting more of a challenge from a Harbinger ."
"That was close, but I was anticipating more from you ..."
"Afraid you'll mess up my face? Don't hold back, my dear Kuni."
"You've had plenty of practice tying me up, what's so hard about this time?"
"It's a shame you're still missing, you are well aware of how far I can ben-"
That last one made him snap.
"Okay. OKAY. I get it . You win," Scara said exasperated, he certainly didn't want to let the neighbors hear any more of this.
"That quickly? Only 2 minutes went by," Heizou noted, "And I wanted to go for longer this time. I'm quite disappointed."
Scara went bright red, making Heizou laugh.
"This is rigged," Scara huffed.
Heizou kept on laughing at him, "You keep on staring at my ti-"
"I am not."
"Yes, you are!"
"I'm not!"
"You're not being subtle at all!"
"I don't have to be subtle when I'm not doing anything wrong!"
"Alright, innocent until proven guilty," Heizou sarcastically said, holding his hand up to stop Scara from going any further, "We're getting distracted though. This was supposed to be a training session."
"Right."
"Since this isn't working very well, I'll go back to hitting," Heizou said, stretching his arms, "Tell me when you're ready."
In truth, Scara would never be ready if his boyfriend kept up this damn act. Heizou knew he was thinking with the wrong head, and he exploited the shit out of it.
Heizou smirked, "Do you want me to put my coat on?"
"What?! No!" Scara exclaimed, "I'll beat you no matter what."
"As you say. Are you ready?"
Scara looked at Heizou and nodded. Don't get him wrong, he's still incredibly insecure about his ability to actually outmatch Heizou, but he can't disappoint. He wasn't weak! Scaramouche was a puppet created by the lightning god Beelzebul, he couldn't lose!
With that, the match begun.
The detective honed in more on his attacks compared to the other 3 times, and needless to say Scara was having a very hard time focusing on dodging said attacks. It was a miracle he lasted more than 20 seconds before his boyfriend finally knocked him back into the wall and kept him pinned there.
"You need to start improving your mental fortitude," Heizou whispered in Scara's ear, "You see me like this all the time and you still lost."
"Shut up," Scara sneered in reply, "You did this on purpose."
"So what if I did?"
"It wasn't a fair fight."
"Not all fights will be fair."
"UGH."
Heizou finally let him go and started walking away, "I think that's enough for tod-"
That's when Scara took the opportunity to lunge forward at one last (futile) attempt to beat Heizou. Unfortunately, the latter just stepped aside and made Scara fall on the ground.
"You're quite predictable too."
"... shut up ."
. . • ☆ . ° .• °:. *₊ ° . ☆
After a couple of minutes, Heizou finally finished patching up the nasty scratch Scara got from that little stunt.
"I told you I don't need this sort of thing-"
"Yes, you do . You need to learn to treat your body better too-"
"Stop acting like a teacher!"
" You're the one who signed up."
Scara pouted, "I didn't expect you to be using your on-duty outfit."
"Well, it's what I have to fight in. What did you expect?" Heizou replied with a chuckle, "But fine, I'll cut you some slack. My outfit is meant to have that sort of effect."
"As if it wasn't obvious already."
"Come on, stop it with the frown. We can go out to eat dinner tonight to make up for your devastating loss ," Heizou suggested.
"It wasn't a devastating loss ," Scara huffed, "But fine, we can go out on a date tonight."
Heizou beamed at him, "It's a date, then. I'll change into something less... distracting ."
The detective then winked, earning a groan from the puppet, and quickly left to his room to change.
He was an asshole... But at least he was hot, Scara supposed.