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“I’m still not sure about this, Ted.”
“Rebecca, she’s going to love it. You’ve known our girl’s heart since the day we met her and this is proof. What better gift could you give her today?” Ted gave her a gentle kiss on her forehead as he finished getting dressed.
Rebecca ran her fingers along the outside of the lavender journal sitting in her lap. With one last deep breath, she tucked the book inside the wrapping paper adorned in birthday cakes and balloons, smiling softly to herself. Even at 18, her daughter insisted on “the most festive wrapping paper,” as she called it, for any and all gifts.
“Thank you my love. It’s a big birthday. I just hope it’s enough. I don’t want her to be disappointed.”
Ted sat behind Rebecca on their bed and wrapped his arms around her waist, resting his chin on her shoulder. “You’ve been enough since the day we met, since the day we met Melody, and every day thereafter.”
Rebecca turned her head slightly and pressed her lips lovingly against her husband’s, letting his words and his love wash over her in her uncertainty. Rebecca cherished being a mom, but even after 10 years, sometimes she still had a bit of a wobble about her abilities.
“Alright, well, it’s done then,” she said, holding up the finished gift.
“I promise, Rebecca, it’s going to be ok. Now c’mon, we’ve got a cake to bake!” Ted pumped his fist in the air as he strode out the bedroom door, missing Rebecca’s affectionate eye roll as she trailed behind him down the stairs.
- - -
“Happy Birthday dear Melody, happy birthday to you,” sang the group gathered in the back garden amidst the backdrop of a sunset streaked with the most delicate purples, pinks and blues.
“Make a wish Melody-Bell,” Ted urged, watching as his daughter closed her eyes and pursed her lips to blow out the candles.
“Thank you mum and dad, this is delicious,” gushed Melody, taking a big bite of cake as her friends hummed in agreement.
Rebeca brushed a kiss to her daughter’s cheek in acknowledgement as she grabbed herself a piece of cake and settled into the seat next to Ted.
When everyone was finished, Melody looked pleadingly at her parents. “Presents now?”
“I suppose,” Rebecca teased, as Ted squeezed her hand briefly in silent support, remembering their conversation that morning.
Melody opened present after present, exclaiming her thanks to each person along the way. Finally there was one present left and Rebecca took a sip of her drink to calm her nerves.
“Who’s it from?” Keeley wondered, as a smile stretched across Melody’s face.
“It’s from mum,” Melody answered, seeing the notecard on top. She tore open the wrapping paper and pulled out its contents while she read Rebecca’s card to herself.
Melody,
My heart has been yours since the day I met you, and now I want you to have this journal with my letters to you as well. Happy 18th birthday my beautiful songbird, my sweet love.
Love,
Mum
“Well, what is it?” asked Melody’s friend Emma.
“Something between me and mum. Thank you mum,” Melody said, stunned at the precious gift in her hands, cradling the journal to her chest.
Rebecca smiled gently back at her daughter. “You’re welcome darling, happy birthday again.”
- - -
Later that night, Melody sat against the headboard of her bad with her knees up to her chest. She laid the journal against her legs and much like Rebecca had done earlier in the day, traced the etched flowers and birds on the soft cover. She finally opened the journal and found the first entry dated the Christmas that she met her parents and her entire life changed.
Dear Melody,
I saw you for the first time today. Your cautious smile. The flicker of hope in your deep blue eyes. The look of awe on your face when Ted told you we wanted to be your parents. That might be the best Christmas memory I’ve ever had up ’til now. My dream is that next Christmas we’ll be able to make even more memories together as a family; you, me, Ted, and Henry. All I’ve ever wanted was to be someone’s mum, Melody, and after receiving your letter from Santa and then meeting you today, I know deep in my heart that I’m meant to be yours. You’re who I’ve been waiting for this whole time. A letter brought us together, and I just wanted to write you one too. I hope to keep writing many more letters to give to you one day, so you’ll always know you have a mum now who will love you endlessly.
Rebecca
Melody caught the tears cascading down her cheeks before they reached her mother’s writing. She turned the page, eager to see what else her mother had to say; what moments her mother thought worthy to capture for her to have.
Dear Melody,
You are tucked safely up in your bed right now, and I could not be more grateful. Getting that phone call from your school that you were on your way to A and E after being in a bus accident on your way back from the museum made my heart feel like it was going to burst like a balloon at any moment. When I finally saw you on the hospital bed, I thought my heart was going to burst again for a very different reason. You cried out, “Mama,” for the first time and I couldn’t gather you in my arms fast enough. I am your mama, Melody, and I will always be there for your pain, your fears, your questions, your excitement, your joys, your love. I’m here for it all.
I love you endlessly,
Mum
Memories of that day flooded Melody’s mind; her shaky voice crying out for her mama, and for the first time in her life, someone appearing, the warmth from Rebecca’s hug that soothed her bruised skin and battered ribs, contrasted with the coolness of Rebecca’s tears that mixed with Melody’s own. For as much as that day had scared her and left her physically broken, it had also healed the part of her heart that had been void of a mother and father’s love for so long.
Dear Melody,
Well, I guess tonight is the night I confess to you that I’ve been singing to you while you sleep since your first night here. Music has always been a safe space for me and I wanted to do something to make you feel safe in your new home, even though I was too scared at first to sing to you while you were awake. You make me brave though, Melody, and I’m so glad I got up the courage to ask if you wanted a song tonight before you fell asleep. Feeling your head nod against my chest and your fingers curl snugly around mine gave me a sense of peace. Then, hearing your angelic voice sing along healed something in my heart that I didn’t know was broken. I hope music brings you the same sense of calm and joy that it’s brought me all these years and that it’s something we can continue to share together.
I love you endlessly, my songbird,
Mum
Melody sighed contentedly. She always felt so special whenever Rebecca called her by one of her nicknames. She cherished being her mother’s songbird and her sweet love. Some of her favorite memories were Rebecca singing to her at night, or seeing the joy cascade across Rebecca’s face when she’d listen to Melody sing along to whatever music they’d pick out for that particular car ride.
As Melody turned the page to the next entry, a photograph fluttered out onto her lap. She gently picked it up and recognized it instantly. There was a nine year old Melody with a smile so wide, it made Melody’s cheeks ache looking at it again now. She was sandwiched between Ted and Rebecca. Their arms were wrapped around the little girl, each parent kissing one of Melody’s cheeks, while Henry stood behind them up on the ledge of a stone wall with a matching grin on his face.
Dear Melody Joy Lasso,
Happy Adoption Day!!! Getting to know you and watching you flourish over the last 11 months has brought your father and me so much happiness. You are our dream come true, Melody. I hope this family, our family; being your daddy’s goofy girl, being Henry’s partner in crime little sister, being my sweet love; will always make you smile as brightly as you are in this picture from the courthouse. Today is the best day of my life because I officially became your mum. I am yours and you are mine. Always.
I love you endlessly,
Mum
Melody gently tucked the photo back in the crease of the journal as she turned the page and continued reading.
Dear Melody,
I can’t believe it’s been a year since we met you and that this is our first Christmas together. I’m even more glad that your adoption is finalized and we have each other forever. I didn’t always have fond memories of Christmas growing up, but your dad brought back that sparkle to the holiday, like he did for so many other things in my life. This year, seeing the lights on the Christmas tree reflected in your eyes and hearing you sing along to every Christmas song playing throughout the house fills my heart with a joy that is only rivaled by every time I get to hug you and hold you in my arms. Merry Christmas, my sweet love.
I love you endlessly,
Mum
Melody continued to pour over Rebecca’s words, enthralled by the love and care laid out on page after page in her mother’s loopy scrawl.
Dear Melody,
I just wanted to tell you that I’m proud of you. I know it hasn’t been the easiest year with your best mate moving away and your advanced courses at school. I see how hard you work and I am continually blown away by how brilliant you are. Not just academically, but as a person. You are an amazing sister to Henry, making him laugh and encouraging him with his pursuit of architecture. You are an incredible friend, always thinking of others and supporting them as you all navigate being 15 and trying to make sense of the world. You are the best daughter your father and I could ask for. We love exploring the city with you and witnessing the wonder in your eyes when you see or learn something new. We love talking with you and learning how your mind works. We love being silly with you when we have family game night in the back garden. I hope that as you continue to get older, you know that you can continue to come to me and your dad about anything. Be curious, not judgmental…
I love you endlessly,
Mum
Several more entries later, Melody turned to the final page, which she noticed was from that morning.
Dear Melody,
I’ll be honest, my sweet love. I’m having a hard time coping with the fact that today is your 18th birthday. It seems like just yesterday that I saw you for the first time. Part of me will always wish that we had met sooner, that I could’ve been your mom for all 18 years, not just since you were eight/nine. But I also wouldn’t trade these last 10 years for anything. I am so proud of the young woman you have become. You are so smart, so brave, so kind, so funny. Your heart is beautiful and the depth of your love is vast. Getting to wake up every day as your mum, laughing with you, crying with you, hugging you, loving you with my whole heart, has been the privilege of my life.
I love you endlessly,
Mum
- - -
“Mum?” Melody called out softly, peeking around the doorway of the living room. Rebecca looked up from her spot on the couch where was she scrolling through pictures from the day on her phone.
“Melody? What are you doing up?” Rebecca lifted the blanket back off her lap and opened her arms to her daughter.
Melody joined Rebecca on the couch and immediately wrapped her arms tightly around her mother. Rebecca hugged Melody back just as tightly and repeatedly kissed the top of her head to soothe her.
Melody lifted her head from Rebecca’s shoulder. “I just finished reading all your letters. I couldn’t go to sleep without finding you first. I’m so glad you’re still up.”
“I’m here, my sweet love. I couldn’t sleep either. To be honest, I was a nervous wreck all day about your present.”
Melody noticed the uncertainty in Rebecca’s eyes. “Oh, mama, no! Why?”
“I was afraid it wasn’t enough, that you’d think it was silly or be embarrassed to receive it in front of your friends,” Rebecca explained, tears gathering in the corner of her eyes. Melody laid her hand gently on Rebecca’s cheek, desperate to comfort her.
Rebecca mirrored Melody and placed her own hand on Melody’s opposite cheek as she continued, “I never thought I’d get to be a mum. Even after your dad and I got together, I thought it was just a dream I’d have to get over. But like I wrote in that first letter, I was really just waiting to be your mum. I love you so much Melody.”
Melody wrapped her arms back around Rebecca. "I can’t believe you’ve been writing me letters all this time. That means everything to me. You choosing me to be your daughter means everything to me. I’m going to keep that journal forever. I love you endlessly mum.”