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Shelby’s hands trembled as she re-read the letter. They couldn’t just.. expel her just like that. No. They couldn’t!
What about how she had worked? Everything she had done! She couldn’t leave. She couldn’t go back. She wouldn’t
What would she do? She needed to leave. She needed to run. To where, she didn’t know.
Before she could think twice, she was already out of the house. Tortious didn’t argue, but eyed her carefully, sensing that something was wrong. The door slammed behind her as she let out a choked sob. The air in her own home was suffocating, the silence of the swamp that she had once enjoyed became deafening as she strode away. It was far too dark to be outside; now that the sun had set and the stars were out it was no longer safe to be out, but she didn’t care.
Her stiff steps turned into running as she got further. How could they have done that? Just abandoned her, without a second thought? She thought the academy was special. She thought she was special. Her hands reached instinctively for her hair, and she pulled on it to try to regain some sense of control.
She was only vaguely aware of the sobs that escaped her, or the strands of hair she had pulled out.
Shelby stopped her running and leaned over on a tree, sliding down until she was sitting in the mud, her knees tucked close to her chest. She couldn’t breathe anymore, couldn’t think without them in the back of her mind. Even if it hadn’t been so dark she still wouldn’t have seen anything past the tears flooding her eyes.
It wasn’t fair. She had done everything! She was tired of it. She had done everything for them. They couldn’t just toss her aside like a rag doll. They couldn’t.
But they did.
The mere thought of it made Shelby pull at her hair even harder. Her braids came loose, strands of dark hair fell in her hands.
She couldn’t breathe. Couldn’t hear, couldn’t see, couldn’t think. She needed to think. Needed to get away. Her breath came out in broken wailing as she tried to get a hold of herself. She couldn’t even be bothered to care about the spirits in the forest. They could take her, for all she cared.
She was going to die out there. She was sure of it. Her hands shook as she dug her nails deeper into her scalp. She was going to die, cold and alone. She couldn’t feel her limbs anymore, they had grown numb as she tried to stay sitting upright. She was going to die, and it would be her own fault. It was always her own fault.
“—Shelby!” a sharp voice rang through her thoughts. It took Shelby a moment to recognize Katherine’s voice, as she rushed by Shelby’s side. She flinched instinctively under Katherine’s touch, who pulled back immediately. How long had she been there?
She tried to say something to Katherine. Anything. But the words got caught in her throat, and all that came out was another strangled sob.
“Shelby,” she could barely hear Kathrine’s voice above her thoughts. “I’m gonna need you to breathe. Can you do that for me?” Shelby nodded frantically. Anything to get Katherine talking would help. To distract herself, even if just for a moment.
“Okay,” Kathrine scooted over until she was sitting cross-legged in front of Shelby, pausing to take a look at her. Shelby’s arms covered most of her face, her hands dug into her scalp. “We’re gonna breathe in for five seconds, hold for another five, and breathe out for five seconds. Does that sound good?” Shelby gave her another nod. At this point, anything would help.
“one, two, three, four, five…” Katherine breathed with her, counting as they went. Shelby did her best to follow along with her irregular breathing.
“And again,” Kathrine spoke softly now, after having gotten Shelby’s attention. “one, two…”
Shelby concentrated on Kathrine’s face, desperate for a distraction. She concentrated on the way Kathrine’s eyes shone under the moonlight, and the freckles she could just barely see. Kathrine watched her softly, as though she wanted to memorize every line of Shelby’s face. She felt Katherine’s hands timidly reaching out for Shelby’s as she untangled them from her hair. This time, she didn’t pull back, letting Katherine gently hold her hands, squeezing them lightly.
“Okay, uh…” Katherine began uncertainly. Even though she was holding up well, it was evident that Katherine was nervous too. “Can you name some things you can hear?”
“The— the wind—” Shelby forced the words out. “The—“ she didn’t get far before she was cut off by another sob.
“Take your time,” Katherine hushed. “Don’t force yourself. Give it time,” she repeated softly.
Shelby tried to take a deep breath, which helped even though she struggled. Katherine gave her an encouraging smile and squeezed her hands. It was odd, but the pressure helped distract her mind a little.
“Any better?” Katherine asked, and Shelby took a shaky breath, relishing in the fact that she had some control over her breathing again. She nodded silently, half afraid that if she talked, she’d burst into tears again.
“Are— are you okay?” Katherine whispered nervously. No, she wasn’t okay. She was exhausted. Her limbs ached; everything hurt. The letter was still horribly fresh in her mind. How could she be okay?
“Sorry,” Katherine rushed. “That was a stupid question…” Shelby shook her head jerkily. No, it wasn’t her fault. She was just asking. It was Shelby’s own fault for being like this.
Shelby was suddenly aware of the situation she was in. Her scalp was aching from all of her scratching, and she was starting to shiver in the night cold. It certainly hadn’t felt so chilly a few minutes ago. Her braids were almost entirely undone, and her hair was falling over her face, wet from her tears. Her clothes and hair were caked in mud, and Shelby knew she’d dread washing it off later, though she was too preoccupied to care at the moment. Katherine still held her hands, her palms delightfully warm against the bitter cold.
She opened her mouth and closed it again. She felt as though if she said a word she would never stop crying. Instead, she squeezed her eyes shut to try to stop her tears.
“Hug?” Katherine offered tentatively, holding out her arms. Shelby leaned over without a second thought and buried her head into Katherine’s shoulder, letting her wrap her arms around Shelby.
“The— the academy, they—“ Shelby’s breath hitched as she tried to get the words out. “they expelled me.”
“What?” Katherine’s face scrunched up in confusion.
“I know it’s stupid, but I tried so hard,” now that she had started talking, the words seemed to pour out of her. “I thought I was going somewhere. Th-that I was something. And— and they threw me away. Just like that. I did everything I could! For years! And no one cared.” Shelby barely held back another sob. She felt small and pathetic, laying in Katherine’s arms and crying about how worthless she was. Pathetic, just like she’d felt all her life. Just like she had always been.
“No, not that. Why would they expel you? Shelby, you’re the strongest witch I know.”
“I’m the only witch you know,” Shelby laughed bitterly. “and I’m definitely not the strongest. Look at me! I’m literally sitting in the middle of the worst post they could have picked for me, crying my eyes out because I got an anxiety attack over being expelled. I can’t even cure your curse.”
“Don’t say that,” Katherine bit her lip worriedly. “Don’t say that about yourself.”
“Why?”
“Because you’re my friend. And I care about you.” she answered simply, as though it were obvious.
“Don’t, then. I can’t do a single thing! I’ve been trying forever to cure you, and I can’t even do that. I can’t breathe, can’t do anything without making the wrong decision! I’m useless. I couldn’t fix Fwip’s ears, and I couldn’t help anyone. All I wanted to do was help, and I ruined everything.” her voice rose to a yell as she continued. She didn’t know why she was still talking, all she knew was that someone was listening. “I’m sick of it! I’m tired of trying so hard for nothing,” years of bottled up anxiety and fear overflowed as her voice cut through the otherwise silent mangrove.
“I don’t wanna hurt anyone anymore. Just let me go, Katherine. Please.” she practically begged, pulling away from the embrace.
“Oh, Shelby,” Katherine could only respond by holding Shelby closer. Despite her fear, she leaned in to the touch. Shelby continued to cry miserably, too tired to say another word, and Katherine continued to hold her hands and smooth her hair.
They stayed in that position for a long time. Shelby, arms wrapped tightly around her knees as she leaned on Katherine, who chose to stay through all of it (for whatever reason), carefully untangling her hair and wiping her tears. The only sound was Shelby’s quieted sobs. Not even the spirits moved.
“I’ve never seen you with your hair down,” Katherine was the first to break the silence.
“Oh,” Shelby tried to smooth the bird’s nest that was her hair, suddenly very conscious of the knots her hands had left. “Sorry..”
“No, I like your hair down. It’s… pretty,” Shelby felt her face grow warm, and she was thankful that Katherine couldn’t see it in the darkness. Instead of replying, she let another long silence pass over them.
“I’m sorry,” Shelby broke the silence this time, her voice barely above a whisper.
“Don’t be,” Katherine told her firmly.
“I didn’t mean to—“
“No, Shelby,” Katherine tilted Shelby’s head up, so they were face to face. Her dark eyes were full of determination as they bore into Shelby’s wide yellow ones. “You did everything you could. And if your stupid academy can’t see that, then that’s on them. I don’t like you just ‘cause you can heal my curse! I don’t care about that.”
“Why?”
“Because you laugh at your own jokes and your eyes almost seem to sparkle when you’re excited. I like you ‘cause you’re you! And that’s all you ever have to be.” Shelby didn’t know how to respond to that, so she chose to snuggle closer to Katherine instead.
It seemed too good to be true. That Shelby was wanted, even if she couldn’t do her homework properly or help her friends study or heal a curse. Still, Katherine spoke so earnestly that Shelby was inclined to believe her.
“Thank you,” if it weren’t for the way Katherine squeezed her tighter, Shelby would have thought she didn’t hear her whisper.
“We’ll be just fine,” Katherine reassured her, and for the moment Shelby was too tired to disagree. Maybe it was stupid to believe so, but the certainty in Katherine’s voice made it hard to doubt her.
Maybe, just maybe, she was beginning to think that everything *would* be just fine.