Work Text:
William had an issue. He loved his wife, Anne Hathaway, so much. He really did. So, when she proposed an alternative ending to her favorite play of his, he didn’t demur. He thought she’d make their love more tragic, maybe add in some more dancing scenes or similar.
But that’s not what she did. Instead, she COMPLETELY butchered the story. She stopped Juliet from killing herself, then she gave her TWO “best friends” and a new love interest! Not to mention one of the new best friends is literally her alter-ego, yet she wouldn’t let him have a role! He was only allowed to chauffeur them to Paris! That was it! Juliet can’t pronounce her new beau’s name! She kept calling him “Frankie Deboi”.
Francois, his REAL name, had nothing on Romeo anyway. Romeo had a great singing voice, pulchritude, loving prose always at the ready, persiflage, a cool jacket, while this new guy had… what? An overbearing father? Who had a relationship with Juliet’s maid? That isn’t prodigious! That’s not exciting!
William turned back to watching the new play. Anne glanced over to him, before simply turning back to her copious amount of new characters. She wasn’t trying to hide her glare.
He squeezed the quill in his hand. It controlled the story, so he kept it close. Anne had used it to stop Juliet, to give her friends, bring her here… and William intended to help her too. After all, this wasn’t CANON. If the neophyte wants to write a dumb little story about happiness, then so be it. The perfect moment was coming up. Juliet and Francois were about to wake up after their first kiss. Was there ever going to be a better time to tie the knot?
He readied his hand to write. On the air itself, he wrote: “Francois proposes to Juliet.” There wasn’t a need for theatrics in the script. All the sanguine emotion would come from the characters themselves.
Francois and Juliet awoke. They barely had any time to stretch before Francois indolently popped the question; “Juliet, will you marry me?”
Okay, perhaps he could have added some more prose. His apothegm wasn’t built up very well. No matter, they had such a nice time at Francois’s party yesterday. Surely Juliet would accept…
“…Looks like I did it again…” Juliet said, launching into her song.
“What is she/he doing!?” William and Anne exclaimed in unison.
“William!” Anne gestures toward Francois, frozen in place during Juliet’s number. “Why did you do that? She met that man YESTERDAY!”
“So? Her and Romeo got engaged quickly too!”
“She is supposed to be learning to love herself! She doesn’t need another rushed marriage proposal!”
“I thought you wanted them to fall in love!” She HAD made them kiss, after all.
“That doesn’t mean they needed to be engaged! You NEVER write about happy marriages.” Anne turned on her heel, walking offstage. Luckily, Juliet didn’t seem bothered by the altercation in front of her, since she was still singing about her past relationship.
Seriously? THAT’S where she drew the line? She had them kiss on their first night together, even had them sleep in the same bed, but getting engaged the next day is too far? Ridiculous!
William couldn’t believe it. He had gone along with so much GARBAGE, and this is how she’s repaying him? He’d let her give herself a gregarious self insert, let Juliet live, make a new romance that’s extremely drawn-out, give her a new best friend…
Wait. Who was the other best friend?
May! Right! They were a… person? Anne didn’t let this character have a gender. He was going to ask why, but when she announced that “May was just May,” a bunch of people he couldn’t see started cheering and now he’s afraid of what the voices will do if he disagrees.
May and Francois had a… thing going on. They bumped into each other at the party, and May’s clearly interested.
What’s stopping William from another edit? If Juliet and Francois are going to be so slow, perhaps May could come in and take Francois for themself. After all, Anne had no reservations with changing the love story her husband worked so hard on. So, William didn’t need to have any ambivalence either. Plus, having Francois not date a woman would further the conflict with his father! Why doesn’t Anne take the opportunity she literally wrote in herself? It’s so much more interesting than whatever she has going on!
William readied his quill yet again. Anne might not like it this time, but it’s for the betterment of the story. The voices deserved something interesting.
“May and Francois meet again,” he wrote. With May’s crush and Francois’s reservations, hopefully they’d get together.
Anne came back just in time to hear Francois reveal he’d only ever kissed Juliet before.
“So… you don’t have anything to compare it to?” May said. Everyone on stage froze, Anne just stiffening in perplexion. The tension broke when the two characters rushed together, kissing like it was the first time they saw each other in years.
Anne stood, staring at them, mouth agape, for forever, it seemed like. She turned, rushing in front of William, but not because she wanted to kiss.
“WILLIAM!” She exclaimed, animus clear on her face. “That is Juliet’s fiancé! Why is he philandering with her best friend!?”
He responded, as calmly as he could, “I thought your story needed some more conflict.”
“You didn’t even ask if THIS,” she said, waving her arms wildly at the two lovebirds, “was okay! I had a whole plan for a conflict! Why did you do that?”
“Anne, you are not an accomplished writer! Are you? No! The writer here is me! You should be honored that I’m fixing this train wreck!”
She paused. She waited until Francois and May left the stage to continue. The time to think let William make his final edit.
“William. I’m not writing a tragedy. I’m trying to let Juliet be happy. Why is that such an issue for you?”
“It's not interesting!” He protested. Doesn’t everybody like a bit of drama? “Besides, my newest idea will bring the light back to her life! She’ll find the missing piece she's been searching for this entire journey! The one thing that’ll make her happy-”
“You brought Romeo back, didn’t you?”
William didn’t need to answer. Right as she asked, a musical “boom boom” sounded out of… somewhere. Heaven, probably.
“William, oh my GOD,” Anne started. Another “boom boom” played.
“This ain’t a song for the broken-hearted,” Romeo sang ostentatiously, starting yet another song like the himbo he is. William loved it. Anne didn’t. She grabbed his shoulder, swinging him around so he’d face her and her acerbity. “Do you have nothing better to do than importune my show?”
“Woah, you’re just writing fanfiction about my work! I’m making it interesting!”
“You’re not going to do anything to it anymore,” she yelled, grabbing the quill out of his hand. In one swift motion, she broke it in half and defenestrated it. “It’s up to the characters now.” She said stiffly.
William couldn’t believe her. She was crazy, breaking his quill like that. She didn’t deserve anything in his will but his best bed.
Maybe his second-best bed. The best bed was too special.