Chapter Text
Happiness is simple.
It hadn’t always been – not on Earth. Jake had given up on the prospect of finding peace on a dying planet, and the drowning feeling had chased him all the way to Pandora, taking the form of his dead brother and draping itself over his shoulders like an unnatural, heavy cloak made out of his own guilt. It had weighed him down further and further with every breath he was able to take while Tommy was nothing but ashes, his future gone - stolen. Stolen by Jake, technically.
The guilt that comes from the knowledge that his life has been made infinitely better thanks to Tommy’s unwilling sacrifice is physically painful, sinking down his throat and burning his lungs with every breath.
Jake doesn’t even know how far into his time on Pandora he had stopped subconsciously referring to the avatar as Tommy’s. He just knows that the day he realised, he had been recording a video log after a day spent flying with Neytiri on their ikran. She had decided to teach him one of her favourite flying manoeuvres. He had learnt it quickly, and she had called him ‘nawri’. Talented. Nobody had ever acknowledged Jake as being particularly good at anything before. Not when Tommy was always there to be better. He remembers the feeling of his face lighting up in a grin, his ears practically plastered down to his head in sudden bashfulness. He hadn’t been certain if the Na’vi could blush before then, but his burning face had answered that question quickly. Neytiri’s eyes had lit up at his reaction, a smirk curling her lips upward before she had abruptly turned away to tend to Seze.
Jake had refused to let himself acknowledge the brief longing expression he had caught on her face while she was turning her back to him. And if she had started to praise his skills a little more often from then on, experiencing the same reaction from him every time, neither of them mentioned it.
That night, while speaking to the camera, he had called his uniltìrantokx ‘My avatar’. The lack of reaction from Grace, who was sat behind him and examining samples, told him it wasn’t the first time he’d said it, just the first time he was aware of it. The realisation that he had been comfortably erasing Tommy in his own mind, feeling more and more at home in a body that wasn’t even meant for him, had him shutting his video log off early and wheeling to the small bathroom of the mobile shack. The guilt had fought its way up his chest and out of his throat, and he had spent the next ten minutes vomiting the shitty food the RDA supplied them.
When he returned to where Grace was sat, she had given up the pretence of examining the samples of flora she had collected. But, outside of a concerned glance and a somewhat maternal squeeze of his shoulder, she had said nothing – something which Jake was endlessly grateful for.
Mating with Neytiri before Eywa at the Tree of Voices, fighting for the Omaticaya as Toruk Makto, and then leading them as their Olo'eyktan had helped alleviate some of the guilt he felt about Tommy. He and Neytiri hadn’t had many opportunities to form tsaheylu in the month since the climax of the battle and the subsequent banishment of The Sky People. This was quickly followed by the creation of somewhere for the Omaticaya to call home - which ended up being a village near Hell's Gate, at Jake's decision and Mo'at's support. The newly mated pair had been stretched thin, but the few times they had been able to bond, they had each taken turns sifting through each other’s emotions, helping each other come to terms with all that they had lost. They weren’t fully healed, and probably wouldn’t be for a while, but he was able to think about Tommy without feeling like he had somehow usurped his brother, even in his death.
Sighing, Jake looked around the empty link centre. The remaining scientists had given him privacy, but he wasn’t alone in the building. Norm was currently linked to his avatar in one of the pods, helping get ready for the ritual tonight. It had been touch and go for a few days after the battle – Norm’s avatar had taken a hit to the shoulder and the chest, but he had managed to successfully locate it and perform emergency field medicine until some warriors could retrieve them both.
Unable to link to his avatar for the entire period of time where the humans were being escorted off of Pandora, he had been focusing on negotiations between the Na’vi and the Humans, alongside Jake whenever he wasn’t in his avatar, leading the clan. It was an exhausting month, and the second the ship had taken off, it was like an anvil had been removed from everyone's shoulders.
But this was it. After tonight, there was no going back. He would either become one with Eywa or complete the journey and join Neytiri and their People as a true Na’vi. Jake was surprised by how at peace he felt, despite the undercurrent of fear that the ritual might fail. He had learnt to See, and in that time, he had learnt to put his faith in The Great Mother. She hadn’t steered him wrong yet, and he felt comfortable with the knowledge that she was watching out for him – that she wasn’t ready to let him join her yet.
He refused to let his thoughts linger too long on Grace’s failed ceremony, but he knew if she was strong enough, if he had gotten her there sooner, she would have been successful. Grief welled up in his chest for a moment, before he forced it down. It wouldn’t do him good to dwell on what could go wrong tonight.
An ikran’s screech broke him out of his musings, and he felt a grin curl up on his face. He hadn’t been away very long, having disconnected from his avatar in order to allow Mo’at to prepare his other form for the ceremony. Neytiri had agreed to come to collect him after a few hours, in order to let him film his final video log and to say goodbye to everyone as Jake the Human. Looking at the clock on the computer screen, Jake let out a snort. It had only been an hour. He couldn’t blame her, though, since he was halfway to the door with a mask secured around his face before she had even landed.
Neytiri circled in the air a few times before she landed, dropping gracefully from her new ikran – Paa’la. She had only recently claimed her, and had decided to name her after the palulukan that she had joined forces with during the battle. Palulukan Makto, Jake thought with a grin. If there was anyone of the Omaticaya fierce enough to become the first, it was his wife.
She had disconnected her queue from Paa’la before the ikran even fully landed, jumping gracefully off and making her way towards him with long strides. The smile on her face was excited, but the stressed twitches to her ears and tail betrayed her. Beyond that, the bond they shared was still very much there even when he was human, just slightly muffled, like it had been locked in a box. He could feel her muted distress, and he was sure she could feel his own nerves on top of her own. When she was close enough, they both gestured I See You at each other.
“Oel ngati kameie, Ma Jake.”
“Oel ngati kameie, Neytiri.”
She crouched in front of him, and if it was anybody else, he would have felt more than insulted and told them to stand up and stop embarrassing the both of them, but he knew it wasn’t because she saw him as someone to look down on. She just liked to be at eye level with him, even when he was not in his avatar. Neytiri reached out a hand and rested it on his cheek. He felt his head tilt into it without realising, and she huffed out a fond laugh.
“Are you ready to go?” Her face changed halfway through her question, suddenly becoming sheepish, but Jake had a feeling she wasn't at all sorry. “I could not stay away from you for very long.” She moved her hand away from his face in order to intertwine one of his own with it instead. His hand was dwarfed by hers, and Jake didn’t realise it would take moving planets and living in an entirely new body to make this discovery about himself, but he was not at all mad about the size difference.
When he didn’t answer her, Neytiri followed his gaze down to where he was staring at their joined hands, and she let out a laugh so loud that it startled Jake out of his increasingly impure thoughts. “You are a skxqwng,” she giggled, with none of the bite that had come with the word during his early days of training. If anything, it was a pet name for him now.
Jake shrugged, unapologetic. “I can’t help it – my wife is too beautiful that I constantly find myself distracted,” he knew she liked it when he called her his wife. She had even referred to him as her husband a few days ago, and it had turned his insides into a pile of mush, all the while she had grinned at him knowingly. As if to prove his point, her tail wrapped around his leg like it had a mind of its own. Deciding it would be better for both of them to get back on track, knowing how fast the two of them could get distracted by each other, he thought back to her question.
“Yeah, I’m ready. The guys back inside gave me some privacy to shoot my last log, and Norm is already linked and waiting for us with Mo’at. I’m guessing all that’s left is for us to get there.”
Neytiri shifted, leaning back in her crouch so that she was more comfortable. “What about this?” She asked, drifting her free hand over one of the wheels of his chair. “We cannot fit it onto Paa’la. Would you like to come back for it once the ceremony is complete? We can lay it down with your human body to rest.” There was a slight tremble to her words, and Jake realised she was much more nervous about tonight than she was letting on. He could the dredges of fear that she was accidentally let slip through their bond.
“Hey, hey -” he reached out with his free hand, encasing as much of her hand in both of his as he could. “It’ll be fine, okay? I’ll be fine. You said it yourself, strong heart.” Neytiri released a breathy laugh at that, but it looked painful - like she was forcing herself to do so. He moved the hand not tightly grasped in hers to rest against her cheek and was unsurprised when slow tear tracks began to meet his skin. “Listen to me, I’m going to be fine – we are going to be fine. Mo’at wouldn’t let this happen if she wasn’t sure I could succeed.”
His wife nodded, and inhaled a shaky breath. “Tsap'alute si, Ma Jake. I am not scared because I think you will not succeed; I just do not think I am strong enough to lose you – not after everything that has happened.” It was understandable, she had lost so much in such a short amount of time – her father, her home, Grace, Seze, Tsu’tey – the list feels endless. Jake shoved down the guilt that bubbled up, knowing it wouldn’t help him comfort her if he was stuck on the past choices that led them both to this moment.
“That’s understandable, Ma’yawne. Don’t apologise for being worried. And I know I shouldn’t be promising - but there’s something in me that feels so certain that this is going to go well.” He squeezed the hand he held. “The faster we do this, the faster I’ll come back to you.”
He was struggling to articulate his sudden lack of fear regarding the upcoming ritual. And then, as if summoned by their conversation, an atokirina, previously unnoticed by the two of them, drifted down from above them and landed on their joined hands. The two of them were struck silent for a moment, before Neytiri let out a long exhale and closed her eyes, a whisper of praise for The Great Mother falling from her lips. When she opened them, the seed had floated away, and her eyes were determined.
“Let us go then, Ma Jake. It is time.” Her smile was still slightly nervous, and her tail was still twitching, but her eyes were bright, and he found himself smiling to match her.
As she stood up and bent back down to lift him into her arms, he turned his head to look at the wheelchair that had been so vital to him for what feels like so many years of his life. Old resentment for The Sky People bubbled up, knowing that his legs could have been easily fixed if he had the money, but it was much easier to wash away now than it had been six months ago. “I haven’t decided on the wheelchair yet – it would be useful to keep here at Hell’s Gate in case anyone ever gets hurt.”
Neytiri nodded. “You do not have to decide yet, we can ask Toktor Max to keep it safe for you until you do.” As she was talking, she began to wrap a strong material around his body, securing him against her so that he didn’t fall off while she had to use her arms to hold onto her ikran. It felt reminiscent of how he had seen some parents in the clan strap their babies to their chests in order to have free hands while working. He refused to let himself be embarrassed, knowing it was the only safe way to transport him while he didn’t have Bob to catch him if he fell.
Neytiri’s comforting hand brushing the back of his neck told him he wasn’t very subtle, but they didn’t speak about it.
The flight was short, and almost too soon eclipse had passed, and they were riding in darkness, Pandora illuminated below them. It wasn’t long before they were surrounded by the light of Vitrautral, the Tree of Souls. Neytiri landed much more gently than she had at Hell’s Gate. Paa’la touched down on the forest floor, and Neytiri didn’t jump off as usual. Jake snickered teasingly at her when she stepped down more gingerly than he had ever seen, one arm wrapped around him, and she hissed at him half-heartedly. Jake felt her unstrap the bindings keeping him wrapped close to her, and he squeezed her arm in thanks. He might not have found it too embarrassing when it was just the two of them, but he didn’t want The People to see their Olo'eyktan strapped to the chest of his mate like an infant.
However, as they stepped closer to the Tree of Souls, and the bioluminescence lit up the entirety of the space, allowing Jake to see the faces of his People, he realised he was worried for nothing. The space was taken up by the entire Omaticaya Clan, as well as the remaining members of the other clans who had decided to stay and help build the Omaticaya’s new village near Hell’s Gate. Finally, there were the surviving members of the Olangi Clan, who had decided to stay and be absorbed into the Omaticaya.
They were all looking at him, and they were looking at him with pride – with awe.
Neytiri squeezed him tighter to her for a brief second, wordlessly telling him ‘I told you so.’ Jake relaxed more and more into her arms the further they walked, passing whispers of ‘tsamsiyu’ and ‘Toruk Makto’. When they arrived at the raised bit of ground that served as the altar-type structure, Jake saw that his avatar was being laid into the proper position by Mo’at, with Norm standing anxiously behind her, his hands fluttering in aborted movements.
When she noticed them, Mo’at smiled and raised her hands. “JakeSully is here, and after my daughter prepares him for the ceremony, we shall begin!” The crowd cheered in response, people beginning to sit down and connect their queues to the floor in preparation. Mo’at walked over to the two of them and offered Jake a reassuring smile. “Now, Ma’itan, are you ready to pass through the Eye of Eywa, and return as a true Na’vi?”
Any response Jake had for her dried up in his throat, and he saw that Neytiri was similarly struck speechless. He still wasn’t exactly fluent in the language, but he knew enough to know what Mo’at had just said. My son. Neytiri’s joy thrummed through their bond, and even through the locked box of his human form he could feel it clearly. Mo’at had never really disapproved of him, but here she was, claiming him as her son through his mating with her daughter, in front of the entire clan. Jake was full of so much love for both his wife and his chosen mother that he found he couldn’t speak, only providing her with a shaky nod.
Neytiri, always ready to save him, spoke for him. “He is ready, Ma’sanok. I’ll go help him prepare now.” With that, she turned away and carried him to a small, underground alcove that sat along the roots of the Tree. Once she sat him down, she looked at him expectedly, until the silence dragged on, along with his confusion. His mate raised an amused eyebrow at him, “take off your clothes, Ma Jake.”
“Well I don’t think now is a very appropriate time, but I'm down if you are - ”
“You know that is not what I meant.” She growled at him, without heat, and her face was full of such resigned amusement that screamed ‘why did I choose to mate with such an idiot’. Jake didn’t know why she chose him either, but he wasn’t going to start questioning it now.
“I do know, sorry.” He laughed and started stripping his shirt, fiddling with his exopack so that it didn’t disconnect while he slipped his shirt over his head, not protesting when Neytiri started removing his shoes for him. He had honestly forgotten about this part. He distantly remembered Grace being stripped, but he had been so hyped up on adrenaline and nerves during her ritual that he didn’t even register that Neytiri had swiftly taken her out of his arms and replaced her clothes with the same type leaves she was now wrapping around him.
The silence was charged, and when he was deemed ready by his wife, they both leaned forward at the same time. The mask stopped any skin-to-skin contact from happening, but he didn’t care. Neytiri breathed out slowly, slightly fogging up the front of his mask.
“Come back to me,” she whispered, as if she didn’t have the strength to say it louder.
“I will, ma’yawne,” he whispered back, and she smiled at the Na’vi term before pressing a kiss to where his hair meets his forehead. An idea occurred to him, then, and he pulled back slightly from her. He took a deep breath and removed his mask in one fluid motion, before she could scold him and force it back on, and dragged her face down to his to meet his in a heated kiss.
They had kissed before, many times while in his Na’vi body, and a few times in his human body, but this felt different.
It felt like a goodbye.
Neytiri brought her hands to his face in order to deepen the kiss, her tongue meeting his, and he felt dwarfed by her once again, but she held him so tenderly that he felt pure adoration burst forth from his chest. He loved her. He would always love her.
Reluctantly, Jake pulled back, remembering his inability to breathe the air in this form. He kissed her a final time before pulling his mask back on and taking greedy gulps of air. Neytiri secured the straps around his head, before looking at him. “That was stupid,” she scolded, but her ears were twitching with so much excitement that he believed her reprimand as far as he could throw her - while in this form, anyway.
“You know you love it.” He responded with a wide grin, before lifting his arms in permission for her to carry him out again.
The air shifted into something heavier once more with every step his mate took towards her mother. Jake looked around, and he could see everybody had now found somewhere to sit, with their arms resting on the shoulders of the Na’vi sitting next to them, ready to begin.
He took in a deep breath. No going back now, even if he wanted to.
Neytiri laid him down ever so gently, manoeuvring him into a position that matched his avatar, and as soon as his body contacted the roots of the Tree, he felt the tendrils that had encased Grace do the same to him. They pricked into his skin, and it was almost ticklish. He wondered if Grace was coherent enough at this stage to have felt this, too.
He felt Mo’at crouch next to him and place her hands on his shoulders. “Worry not, Ma’itan, Ma’ite, for Eywa is not done with you yet, JakeSully. I have confidence that you will succeed in this journey.” When she finished speaking, she stood up to address The People, and began chanting and communicating with The Great Mother.
He looked to Neytiri, who was sitting on his other side. It was his turn for the ‘I told you so’, and she accepted it with grace, laughing at his expression softly. She still looked worried, but he couldn’t do much to comfort her now. He inhaled deeply, but didn’t move his arm to take her hand in his own, unwilling to disturb the tendrils that had now encased his whole body. His mate, as always, knew what he intended to do, and reached her hand down to hold his that was on the floor.
“Strong heart, remember?”
She probably responded, but he was already gone.
***
There was darkness, and there was light.
He was nothing, and yet he was everything – felt nothing. And yet, he felt everything.
There was chanting, far off in the distance, so quiet that he had to focus in order to register what he was hearing. Were his eyes closed, or was he blind? He didn’t know. He didn’t know where he was – only that he was warm.
It felt like his mom, like when she would wrap him in a hug when he fell over and skinned his knee. Except it was so much more than his mom, it wrapped around his very soul and pulled him forward into a comforting light that shined through his eyelids. His eyes were closed, then. Not blind. Jake refused to open them, in case the light left him.
My son. A voice, from deep within his soul, spoke to him
Mom?
No. Not quite her, but a mother to you all the same. Go now, my son.
The warmth shrunk, but it was no less comforting. It became something he could hold, something that was holding him. The embrace was so achingly familiar that it forced his eyes open, in fear that he would miss the person standing in front of him.
Grace Augustine smiled at him, human and fond and full of the love that she had come to feel for him. Good to see you, Jake.
Jake, his name was Jake. How could he forget? He was human, as was she, and yet he wasn’t in his chair. He wasn’t walking either, he just was.
Are you really her?
Grace smiles, but offers no answer. Jake doesn’t push, knowing what he would prefer her to say, yet scared she would say something different. The chanting was louder, now.
He looks at her. They aren’t speaking, and yet they are. He grabs her hand, and she grabs his.
I’m sorry I didn’t believe in Her, when I first came here.
That’s okay. You found your way here in the end – and now you have to find your way back.
It’s peaceful here.
It is.
I wish I could stay – no, I wish I could take you with me.
Grace laughs, but it is hard to hear it over the chanting, and when did that get so loud? It is rattling his brain against the peaceful silence of existing within The Great Mother. But he does hear it, ever so slightly, and she sounds so at home that some of the guilt that had been weighing him down since her death eases off, ever so slowly.
He was in his Na'vi form now, and so was she
Do me a favour, Jake?
Of course.
Look after her for me – take real good care of her, okay?
Jake cocks his head at her, except he has no body to move, and he is already fading away from her, from Eywa.
I’ll always look after Neytiri – I think she looks after me more, to be honest.
Grace laughs again, but this time he doesn’t hear her at all, the chanting is all-consuming, wrapping around him and pulling him down and away. She looks like she always did whenever he didn’t understand her science talk. Resigned, but also fond, towards the end. The look was always followed by a correction, but whatever she wanted to say is completely drowned out and he is dragged towards the light and gone.
***
When he comes to, there is a hand on his cheek. It’s familiar, he knows it.
Huh. It worked. That's his second 'I told you so' to Neytiri's one.
He attempts to shift his body, to open his eyes, but the most he manages is a twitch of his fingers and toes. There is a hand holding his own, and it squeezes when he moves his fingers. It grounds him further, and he is able to distantly register that the chanting has turned into anticipatory silence.
It takes an embarrassing amount of time, in his opinion, to come back to himself completely. But once he does, and he is able to open his eyes, the first thing he sees is Neytiri.
The love of his life, his wife, his mate.
Jake hears Mo’at exclaim thanks to The Great Mother, and the cheering that follows is so loud that it vibrates the forest floor underneath him. But he only has eyes for her, and likewise, she cannot take her eyes off of him.
He tilts his head harder into his hand, and with great effort brings his own up to meet her cheek. It feels achingly familiar to when she saw him for the first time in his human form.
When he finally gets his voice to work, the words come easy.
“I See You.”
His mate smiles, filled with joy and grief alike, and he knows his expression matches hers. Grief for their friends and family who couldn’t be here, grief for his human life and body. But there is joy for the future that they now have ahead of them, joy that he came back to her. As promised.
“I See You.” She responds, voice watery.
Tears fall down her face, and he feels his own following suit. She kisses his palm, and he is suddenly so overwhelmed with devotion for her that he couldn’t stop the sob that burst from his throat if he tried. Neytiri presses forward, suddenly, and kisses him, and he gladly welcomes her into his arms. The cheers get even louder, if that is possible, and he hears Mo’at laughing fondly.
Neytiri leans backwards, helps him sit up fully, and then kisses him again.
It felt like a hello.