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Dean gets all kinds of fluttery feelings inside when he gets home to the bunker and sees the Continental parked on the curb.
He's not sure when it started, exactly - when the moment was that he stopped seeing the Continental as the dumbest car he's ever laid eyes on and started seeing it as a part of Cas; a sign that as soon as he got inside the bunker, he'd get to see his angel. All Dean knows is that when he pulls the Impala up outside and there's already another car in the next spot, his heart beats faster and he gets out of the car and runs inside in double-quick time, because he gets to spend little enough time with Cas as it is, and he doesn't want to waste any extra seconds by dawdling.
Cas is usually waiting for him, too. When Dean barrels inside, often slightly out of breath from running while carrying a heavy bag, more and more often he'll find Cas there in the entryway, taking Dean's things from him and carrying them to his room, then sitting in the kitchen with him and talking while Dean eats what is often his first actual meal in several days.
Dean doesn't think it's a coincidence that they have this routine. He hopes that Cas hears the Impala pull up to the bunker, and gets the same kinds of fluttery feelings inside, and comes out to the hall especially to meet Dean.
And Dean isn't stupid enough not to realize that his feelings for Cas aren't as platonic as they used to be - if they ever were. And maybe when he's alone in his room at night, he thinks about what it would be like if Cas was there too, and he wishes that things were just a tiny bit different. But for the first time in a long time, the two of them are happy. And Dean doesn't want to risk spoiling that.
But one day, Cas isn't there when Dean gets home. Which isn't necessarily strange in itself - sometimes Cas is on his own hunts, or doing business in Heaven that Dean doesn't quite understand - but when Cas is gone, the Continental is gone. It's almost a code between them. Today, the Continental is parked in its usual space, and Dean must have just had this feeling in advance that it would be because he left his bag on the front seat instead of putting it in the trunk, so he can grab it and go as soon as he's parked, dancing up the path towards the bunker. He's surprised when he has to dig in his pockets for his key, when Cas doesn't open the door for him and walk down the path to hug him hello, but he figures maybe Cas was in the middle of something. He'll be there.
Cas isn't in the hallway, and he's not in the kitchen either. He's not in the living room, and he's not in his bedroom.
Finally, Dean checks the library, and there's no Cas, but there is Sam. "Hey, have you seen Cas?" Dean asks immediately.
"Hey, Dean, nice to see you too. Good to know the hunt went well. Um, Cas went out. Not long ago, maybe ten minutes."
Dean frowns, and hopes he's not pouting. "The Continental's there. And you can't walk anywhere from here."
"Maybe he flew somewhere," Sam suggests, but Dean knows that Cas hasn't really been using his powers recently; that he wouldn't fly somewhere unless it was absolutely necessary.
And then Dean gets scared, because what if something really terrible happened, and Cas was forced to fly away quickly and didn't have time for the car. Worse, what if someone took him? Dean can't let himself fail at protecting his angel, not again. So he runs outside because he has to look for any clues, any hints as to where Cas might be, and he's on his way back to the Impala because he has to drive while he works this through in his head, has to occupy himself with something while he figures out where Cas might be, and out of the corner of his eye he sees movement coming from the Continental.
Has Cas been tied up in there or something?
Dean peers in the backseat window, because that's where the flash of movement came from, and half of him is expecting to see Cas completely helpless with something really terrible happening to him, and the other half thinks maybe he simply imagined the movement and the car will be empty.
But when he presses his face close to the glass, he sees- oh.
Oh.
Because one possibility that would never, ever have crossed his mind is this: Castiel lying across the backseat of the Continental, his belt open, black suit pants pushed down past his knees, white shirt all twisted around his stomach, trench coat balled up somewhere on the floor, face screwed up in a groan - desperately fisting his own cock.
Dean gasps, and he feels his own cock hardening too, pressing into the hot metal door of the car, and he shifts backwards, but doesn't take his eyes off Cas. Because he's seen Cas look vulnerable before - when Cas is sleeping, or when he's in his pajamas rubbing his eyes as he waits up for Dean to come home because Dean texted that he was done with a hunt, or when he's been hurt by whatever supernatural creature they're hunting this week and Dean is tending to his wounds.
But he's never seen Cas quite like this, and it makes him ache. Not just his cock but also his heart, because Cas just seems so alone, and what Dean wants more than anything is to be in there with him, kissing his neck and stroking his hair and showing him how much he cares about him, that he doesn't have to hide out here and do this in secret.
Cas' eyes open, half-lidded at first, and then wide in shock when he sees Dean standing at the window. His hand flies away from his cock and his mouth opens, shocked and terrified.
Dean opens the car door, because it's the only thing he can think of to do, just wide enough to stick his head inside and talk to Cas. Cas looks even more scared when he sees what Dean is doing, but Dean can't help but notice that Cas' cock stays hard.
"What are you doing... out here? I was worried about you." Dean says. It's not the most well put together sentence, but Cas' cock is throbbing against his stomach and he's fighting to keep his face looking normal and that's pretty much all Dean can focus on right now.
"I didn't want to make any noise and disturb Sam," Cas says, his face twisting with the effort, his hand twitching as though it's trying to reach for his cock of its own accord.
Dean breathes out a laugh. "So you pick the car? You know, most dudes go for the shower..."
Dean doesn't know why he's still standing there. He knows he should turn and leave; because this has already gone so far past their normal routine and their normal comfort levels with each other that it's not even funny.
"I'm an angel. I don't need to shower. It's suspicious."
The polite thing to do right now would be to tell Cas to finish up, that Dean would be inside ready to hang out whenever he was done, and then to leave and give Cas his privacy. But a moment ago he thought something terrible had happened to Cas and right now he really doesn't want to leave him on his own and this is the first time Dean's had the chance to see a debauched Cas in the flesh so instead, Dean finds himself saying, "So, uh, do you do this a lot?"
Cas nods. "A couple of times a week. Usually when everyone is asleep. But today... I couldn't wait."
Dean bites his lip, and he's hardening further at the mental image of a desperate Cas being so turned on that he has no choice but to run out to his car and jerk off right now. Dean's cock is aching and he presses his legs together and wonders if Cas can see the bulge in his pants.
"What happened? You watch porn again or something?"
Cas shakes his head, and Dean's pretty sure the red on his cheeks is embarrassment rather than arousal this time as he confesses: "No, I... Sam made me help spring clean the bunker. I found some photos. You were shirtless in one of them."
Dean's mouth goes dry. Cas is here, half naked and fully hard in the middle of the day, because of him?
"You were turned on by me, shirtless?" he confirms, his brain now conjuring up images of Cas without a shirt, which doesn't help the pressure in his pants at all.
"You do have a very nice body, Dean."
But that doesn't really answer the question. "Okay, but were you turned on by the general idea of shirtless men? Or was it me, specifically?"
He holds his breath while he waits for the answer, not even sure what he's hoping to hear, because maybe it would be easier if it was just in general. Maybe that would finally make Dean turn and leave.
"It was you, specifically. I've never had that strong a reaction to anything like that before."
And with that revelation the last of Dean's willpower is gone, because as much as he knows this is an absolutely terrible idea and it's sure to mess up whatever careful arrangement they have right now at the bunker, it's becoming ever more clear that Cas actually wants this too. And with everything he's been through in the past few years, Cas should be able to have what he wants for a change.
"Can I come in?" Dean asks.
Cas hesitates, but then he nods.
Dean opens the car door further, climbing inside, and he'd been planning on taking things slow but he's already right on top of Cas because there's just no room to be anywhere else, and when he closes the door behind him there's even less room because the backseat of the Continental was definitely not designed for two grown men, but it's not like Dean really minds being this close to Cas. In fact he's so close to him that once he's inside, it's barely a flutter of his lips to lean in and kiss Cas for the first time in real life (but the millionth time inside his head.)
Cas kisses back immediately and it's everything Dean always thought it would be; every fluttery feeling he gets when he sees the Continental magnified by a hundred; every moment of sexual tension that's ever happened between the two of them dissipating in one explosive kiss that leaves Dean breathless.
"Dean," Cas says when they break apart, and Dean's not sure it's a question but he answers it anyway.
"I'm turned on by you too, Cas." If he lets himself admit it, he's been turned on by Cas ever since Cas had growled in his sex voice 'I'm the one who gripped you tight and raised you from perdition' and Dean had felt a tingle in the handprint-shaped scar that was now long gone from his arm.
Cas just pushes himself up off the seat so that he can kiss Dean again, and Dean can't get enough of the way Cas' plump lips seem to mold perfectly to his.
Cas lets out a moan, and Dean remembers that Cas doesn't need any warm-up time, that he was already well on the way to getting off before Dean showed up, and that his cock is probably hurting him as much as Dean's is. Dean reaches down to grasp Cas' cock and as he makes contact he feels a sharp pain in his lip from where Cas has bitten down, hard.
Dean's about to back off, worried the reaction means he's gone too far, when Cas pulls away from the kiss and groans out, "Yes, Dean..."
So he keeps going, cautiously moving his hand up and down the shaft, speeding up as he feels Cas relax and loosen up underneath him. Before long Cas' head is hitting the car door each time he lifts his hips tries to get more friction from Dean's hand, and Dean puts his other hand behind Cas' head to cushion it, tangling in his hair, which is just as soft as Dean imagined it, and makes it so easy for him to pull Cas' head to his and kiss him again, and again, and again.
"Dean... you... I want to touch you too," Cas reaches helplessly for the button on Dean's pants.
Dean pulls away and yanks his pants and boxers down in the most awkward and unsexy way he can imagine because there's just no room in the car to do a real striptease but Cas doesn't seem to mind, judging by the way he looks at Dean's cock when it springs free, like it's the most amazing sight he's ever seen. Dean himself sighs in relief as his cock escapes the confines of his pants and he waits for the feeling of Cas' hand because he needs at least some kind of relief right now.
But Cas has a pained expression, no longer staring at Dean's cock but rather glancing down at his own, which is bright red and covered in precome.
"Dean, it hurts, it's never been this bad before..." Cas is almost crying, trying to thrust his hips up into Dean's but he can't get a good angle and the awkwardly tiny seat they're on is stopping them getting a good rhythm going, and it would be so much easier to do this in Dean's full size memory foam bed inside but there's no chance of them getting up and moving right now, not with Cas in this state.
"Shhh. It's okay, baby, you're going to be okay, I'm taking care of you," Dean reassures him. "Do you have any lube with you?"
Cas nods, and he feels around on the floor for a moment before digging out a small, mostly empty bottle.
Dean squirts some onto his fingers and he places one at Cas' entrance, watching his face for a reaction. "This okay? You done this to yourself before?"
"Yes..." Cas moans. "Yes, I have, Dean, please..."
And Dean could never deny Cas anything when he begs like that, so he forgets about himself and he pushes one finger inside of Cas, feeling him clench and shudder around his finger, sighing in pleasure.
"Shit, Cas," Dean murmurs, and he knows he doesn't even have anything to moan about yet - Cas isn't even touching him - but he can't help himself. Cas is just so beautiful underneath him, and the way he bucks up into Dean's finger, his breath hitching every time Dean twists his finger inside him... Dean can't believe he's lucky enough to be allowed to see Cas like this.
"Dean, hurry up, I can take another," Cas whines, so Dean adds a second finger in alongside the first, and Cas sucks in a sharp breath as Dean curls his fingers to hit Cas' prostate.
By now, Dean is rocking his hips into Cas' leg in time with his thrusts, his brain overwhelmed with the sensation, and Cas has a hand fisted in Dean's shirt so tight that he wonders if it'll rip before realizing he doesn't care, because he can get new shirts but if he doesn't get to fuck Cas right here and right now, he might not survive.
He thrusts faster, moves faster, and it suddenly occurs to him that if he doesn't stop this soon then he's going to come before he's even inside Cas, which isn't fair because Cas started long before Dean did so Dean absolutely can't be the one who comes first, but it's not his fault if he was busy hunting a shapeshifter until a few hours ago and hasn't had a chance to jerk off in days. It's the most difficult thing he's ever had to do, pushing himself away from Cas to kneel above him so he can no longer rut up against him, but he manages, somehow.
Dean pushes a third finger into Cas and it's so tight that just imagining it around his cock means he has to quickly grab the base of his cock with his other hand, squeezing it to calm himself down. Cas, for his part, is still writhing around on the leather seat, his shirt ridden up around his chest now, the sweat on his back making him stick to the material, panting and dripping even more precome over his own stomach.
They're both more than ready, but there's one other thing Dean has to do.
He pulls his fingers out of Cas, resulting in a whine and a plea, and unbuttons his own shirt, tugging it off and baring his chest for Cas. "This what you were thinking about earlier?"
"Fuck, Dean," Cas hisses, hips jerking involuntarily, and it might well be the first time he's ever used that word.
"Yeah, I'm gonna, just give me a moment," Dean teases, but secretly he can't believe that anyone could have this strong a reaction just to his body. Maybe when he was young, but not after twenty years off nothing but diner food. And yet the evidence of his effect on Cas is right underneath him.
"No, Dean, now." And Dean understands that Cas has probably never had to wait like this before. He's very rarely had sex with another person and he's certainly never given up control during sex like this and he doesn't yet know how to deal with not being in charge of his own orgasm.
Dean retrieves the lube from where it's become jammed between the seat cushion and Cas' leg, and he's about to cover his own cock when he remembers. He holds out the tube to Cas. "You still haven't touched me. You wanna do it?"
Cas nods, taking the tube and squirting the last of it into his palm, before reaching for Dean's cock. Dean sucks in a breath as Cas' hand makes contact, because sure, all Cas is doing is rubbing lube over him and the grip is far too light for Dean to get any real satisfaction but dammit, it's Cas, and that makes this feel better than the best handjob of Dean's life.
When he's done, Cas lines Dean up with his entrance.
"Wait," Dean says, and it kills him to do it, and the way Cas looks at him, eyes wild and desperate, breaks his heart a little. But this is their first time and even though Dean knows he's clean, he has to make sure Cas is okay. "I know you're an angel, but can you still get... you know..."
"No, Dean, I can't get any diseases," Cas whines, and he slides himself forward slightly on the seat, trying to push himself onto Dean's cock. "Just... I need you. Now."
Dean nods, and he's worried that entering Cas is going to be too much, maybe for both of them, considering how on edge he still is, but he promised he would take care of Cas and he's going to keep that promise because Cas looks like he's about half a second away from grabbing his own cock and finishing the job for Dean.
Dean takes a deep breath, gathering all his willpower, and presses the head of his cock inside Cas, gasping when it pushes past the tight ring of muscle.
Shit, shit, shit, there's no way he can do this. He has to pause for a few seconds, gritting his teeth before he slides in the rest of the way, his head spinning because there's absolutely no blood going to his brain anymore, and when he's finished entering Cas and they're as close as they can possibly be, Dean leans in to kiss him so that they can be even closer.
"I love you, Cas," he blurts as he pulls away, and it's the truest thing he's ever said but he never meant to actually admit to it, it just slipped out somehow, and he's hoping that somehow Cas didn't hear what he said.
He starts to thrust into Cas, it taking actual effort to do so at first because of how tight Cas is, and Cas moans but mixed in with the moans is an "I - oh - I love you too, Dean."
And those words are the last thing Dean really registers before he loses himself in the sight and the sound and the feel and the smell and the taste of Cas, forgetting everything that's not the two of them and the way the afternoon sun is shining on them through the backseat window of the Continental, making the sweat on their bodies sparkle. They're crying out for each other as though they're miles apart because every time Dean pulls out is just too much space between them and every time Dean thrusts back in is the two of them returning to each other after days apart.
Dean's not sure if it's been a minute or ten until finally it's all too much and Cas grabs onto his arms, letting out a choked scream as he comes between their bodies, white spurts bursting all over Dean's chest and Cas' own shirt, and Dean wonders how many orgasms Cas has had before, in this car, while thinking of him. He can't even count the number he's had while thinking of Cas.
He hopes that the number of orgasms he has actually with Cas will one day be higher than that.
And with that thought he's well on the way to the first one, thrusting once, twice more and then calling Cas' name as he finally spills his load inside him, and it's so powerful that he sees stars, or maybe he's seeing Cas' grace. Maybe they're the same thing.
Dean slides out of Cas and slumps on top of him. He's worried he'll be too heavy for Cas, but Cas just wraps his arms around Dean and pulls him in closer, burying his face in Dean's chest. Dean feels Cas' eyelashes flutter against his tattoo as Cas closes his eyes, his breathing slowing down gradually. Dean's instinct is to close his eyes too, but he forces himself to hold them open so that he can look at Cas some more.
He's squashed into a cramped space, covered in sweat and come, and yet Cas has never looked more beautiful. Dean knows he'll remember how Cas looks in this moment, forever.
"So, we probably have some things to talk about..." Dean finally admits, sleepily, once he can't put it off any longer. "Do you want to maybe go inside and clean up and talk about them somewhere more comfortable?"
Cas shakes his head, still tucked into Dean's chest.
"Come on, Cas, we can't stay out here all day. My muscles already hate me for this."
"Can we go to your bed?" Cas mumbles, and Dean feels the words rather than hears them, and he gets a rush of affection for Cas that's so overwhelming it scares him.
But it's Cas who suggested it and Cas who said he loved him back so that must mean that Cas has at least some kind of feelings for him too and so maybe, just for once, there's no reason for Dean to be scared.
"Cas, baby, we can spend as long in my bed as you want."
They spend a very, very long time in Dean's bed. First they talk, and then they sleep, and then they fuck again, and they repeat that cycle several times. And then they get up and reluctantly continue with their everyday lives: still hunting; still going out to work cases; still excited for each other's return, now always looking forward to their next kiss hello and their next night curled up together.
These days, Dean gets a different kind of fluttery feeling inside when he gets home to the bunker and sees the Continental parked on the curb.