Chapter Text
For someone who could be considered the living embodiment of Christmas, Kylian dreaded it every year. And no, not because he didn’t enjoy it, he always sought out reasons to celebrate life, so for the holiday spirit part of it all, he looked forward to it all year. What he didn’t look forward to was phone calls like these.
“Kylian Mbappé Lottin, you are 24 years of age and never once in those 24 useless years have you ever listened to what your mother wants!” his mother went on, expressing her complaints so loud, if there were people around, they should’ve been able to hear their conversation easily.
“Mama, I said I’ll be there” He spoke after a deep audible sigh, attempting to use reason to calm his angry mother.
“You little clown, you know that’s not what I was talking about. As if I’d let you skip Christmas with the family just because you want to be away with your little friends kicking ball in tiny shorts!” Her voice boomed through the phone, and she was describing Kylian’s profession in a way that made him question all his life choices.
Although, inherently, Kylian was always a mama’s boy and he knew there was no stopping her once she’d made up her mind about something.
“Alright mama, what do you want from me?”
“What I want is for my baby to be happy! When I was your age, I had already met your father! Hell, we had even decided that we’d be together for life and knew we would be starting a family soon. Little did we know we’d birth such a scatterbrain, all you care about is kicking some ba-”
“ Mama, I’m going to hang up if you keep on grilling my job!” His face contorts with displeasure as he crosses his arms, growing tired of his mother chewing him out for the past 10 minutes.
“Don’t play dumb, brat! You know I want you to have a life outside football. Get out there and live a little, find someone you like!”
“Ow! Indirectly calling your son a loser?”
“Because you are one, you loser. Always showing up to the holidays alone, I’m starting to think you made up that thing about being gay a few years ago just so you could get us off your back about not having a girlfriend! Is there really nothing you care about besides football, fool?!” She snaps and Kylian can feel her scowl through the phone.
“Tsk Ma, you’re extra grouchy today. And how do you even come up with this stuff?! So nosy, just because I’m private about my love life!”
“As if you have one!”
He didn’t but he found himself getting more defensive by the second.
“You’d be surprised!” He shot back.
“You’re telling me there’s someone you seriously like? My robotic son , for the first time in 24 years? Hah! I have to laugh.”
“Robotic?! That hurts, ma!” Kylian, who didn’t see all these remarks coming, choked on his water, almost spitting it out all over himself.
“Can you imagine my pain? When I had you, I thought I had given birth to the most beautiful baby boy in the world, and yet here you are today, a robot that’s been programmed to just play football and argue with his poor, sad mother! You may be a lowlife but you still are my son, y’know!”
Just when he almost hung up on her, she softly spoke “Kyky, I know you have so much love to give, my child. I just worry about you.”
“Mama! I like someone, okay?”
And Kylian did. He really did. Maybe like wasn’t even the right word for what he felt. Passion? But he wasn’t passionate towards them, they were his passion. Maybe it was complete, blissful devotion? He’s thinking to himself but it doesn’t matter because he knew he could never bring them home to Christmas, or get to hold their hands to warm them up whenever they complained about the cold to Kylian so cutely it made him want to die, or shout to the world that they were his when he felt others look at them a little too long, a little too weird, or do any of the things that he writhed in agony fantasising about at night.
Before he knew it, he was zoning out, tuning his mother’s words out unintentionally, that is until he heard her raise the pitch of her voice again.
“Are you even listening? Who do you like?”
Abruptly startled out of his daydream, all thoughts in his head quickly evaporated when he heard the question and he instinctively responded “Achraf” with a quiet hum as if it was the most natural thing to say, because it really, really was.
“Haki?! As in our Haki?!”
He rolls his eyes at her overjoyed squeal, and also the pet name that his family had picked up on from him ‘She’s so dramatic’ he thinks-
Wait.
The meaning of what he had just said had finally dawned on him. His heart pounded loudly in his chest as he replayed the last few seconds of their conversation in his head. He had been so tranced by the sweet reverie of warming up Achraf’s hands with his own that he hadn’t even realised what he had just said until it was too late.
He was on the verge of panic as he tried to figure out what to do. He had never told anyone about these feelings he had reserved just for his best friend, not even his closest friends knew. Sure, the first thing Sergio said to their group right after they had met Achraf was “He was such a friendly guy, Ney! And you should’ve seen Kylian’s face, he totally has the hots for him!”, and Kylian glared at him but it’s not like he could deny it, he knew they were all right about Achraf being exactly his type.
Slender and sculpted, gorgeous face with big, expressive caramel eyes, irresistibly full cherry-tinted lips, oh and, the way he was towering a little over Kylian, with the most radiant, sun-kissed smile sitting pretty on his face..
But Kylian told himself that he had dreams he wanted to chase. And maybe in any other circumstances, he’d be all over his impossibly cute new teammate, but he knew better than that. He swore to himself and his friends that his dreams came before anything.
Or at least that's how he imagined how things would go. What Kylian didn’t take into account was that his initial subtle attraction towards the new boy would transform into something so big. So big that it began to consume him. Became bigger than life itself. So tender and raw, gently sneaking up on him and whispering “forget your dreams” everyday until Achraf became all his dreams, filling every waking moment with passion and bliss.
Kylian however, stayed true to his word and put his burning desire for the man on the back burner, knowing he had dreams too, and even if they didn’t involve Kylian, they would always be just as important to Kylian.
And yet today, he’s somehow made a mess of all those years of mental gymnastics by impulsively answering a simple question without thinking. Ironic, isn’t it? He has to laugh. His mother knew. His mother knew, and was now making plans for him to bring Achraf over for Christmas! This was all real. He can’t-
“Kylian?! Are you there?”
He wants to say no, to run away and hide in a hole in the ground.
“Yes, mama. Why are you being so loud?” He tries to sound unbothered as if his heart wasn’t beating out of his chest right now.
“Because I still can’t believe it! My football-sexual son is finally interested in someone! And it’s Achraf too, at that. You know I’ve always loved that boy!”
‘Yeah, well you’re definitely not alone on that one’ He wants to say, burying his face in his palms, letting out a sigh of frustration.
“Oh Kyky, He’s so handsome too! This is fantastic news! It all falls into place now, your friendship has always been so special. The world sees the way you two gaze at each other, how you rush to embrace each other in celebration, and anyone who’s ever been in the same room as you two knows that you two even complete each other's sentences and laugh at things only you would understand..I couldn’t have thought of anyone better for you!”
Kylian’s mind was already racing, he still couldn’t register the fact he had accidentally revealed his true feelings to his mother over the phone. Yes yes, the ones he’s struggled so hard to keep to himself for so long, gone in a minute, and now not only does his mother see right through him, but she’s also under the impression that they’re together? Kylian wants to scream.
What a mocking fate the universe has set for him, he thinks. So really, anyone can see that they fit together so perfectly yet still cannot be each other’s, only leaving him with the mental-image replays of his fingers lingering on Achraf’s neck as they hug, and his fantasies of Achraf clinging just as desperately to touch, for much, much longer.
“Mama, I can’t bring him home for Christmas.”
“Why not?” she asked “Don’t you want to spend the holidays with the person you cherish the most? You’ve never told me you’ve liked someone before, so there’s obviously something different with you and Achraf.”
It’s not like he hasn’t liked people before, it’s just he didn’t care enough to mention them, like they weren’t special enough. So yeah, she’s right again, Achraf is different and his feelings run a lot deeper than a small crush.
His mouth runs dry as he tries to cough up an excuse.
“I just don’t think it’s a good idea” he scoffs.
“Nonsense,” she said firmly. “I love that darling boy and I know that he loves us too!”
Kylian tries to argue, but his mother wouldn’t let him get a word in edgewise.
“You’re just making excuses, Ky. You’re afraid of what people think but who cares? We all love each other and that should be all that matters, so you tell my sweet boy Haki to pack his bags and get ready for a Christmas he’ll never forget!
“God woman, do you really love him more than you love your own son?!” Because I know I love him more deeply and completely than I could ever love myself or anyone else in the world.
“He is my son’s happiness.” She retorts like she had figured it all out. Annoyed that he can’t argue with that, he rubs his eyes.
He knows he’ll deeply regret the words that he’s about to utter, but the thought of Christmas with Achraf, was just too…
Achraf , to whom all his thoughts belonged, the centre of all his yearnings, a Christmas with him was just too unbearable, even for Kylian. Kylian loved Christmas, Kylian loved love, and most of all, Kylian loved loving Achraf with all his heart. His mother, the tactful woman that she is, combined all three and he finally had his answer despite knowing he was making one of the biggest mistakes of his life.
He finally relented, “Alright mom, I’ll talk to him and see if he’s free.”
“He better be! I’ll start preparing your room right away. Oh Kylian, I’m so happy for you! You deserve to be so happy, surrounded by people you love!” She beams with joy.
“Thanks, Ma. Love you.” He smiles briefly before ending the call and quickly tossing his phone onto his bed. He then jumps in and buries his face in the sheets, attempting to push thoughts of the impending Christmas catastrophe he’d just created due to one small reason, he couldn’t keep his mouth shut.
After almost two years of a friendship as close as theirs, he knows that he can have open and comfortable conversations with Achraf about anything and everything, because his company gives him the feeling of belonging and ease, and he can always effortlessly express himself when he’s with Achraf.
Except this one little thing he’s been hiding for a while.
Achraf’s just so…unaware. How Kylian longs for his own lips to meet Achraf’s, that sometimes when Achraf gets too close, his hands burn with need to just grab him and caress him all over. These desires are and always will remain a mystery to Achraf, making Kylian feel like a bad friend sometimes. Because shit, he’s harbouring such overwhelming feelings for his innocent and unknowing friend. He didn’t know when it all started, but if he had to he’d guess it began with him ignoring his attraction and simply relishing their unique friendship, which was truly unlike any friendship he’s ever had.
Before he knew it, his routine became so that it revolved around the Moroccan, doing things that made him feel the most alive and human he’s ever felt- meeting him, texting him, going out to eat together, playing FIFA together, going out with him only to come back home and facetime him- until he finally realised that he had taken the big fall for him.
He felt ridden with guilt when observed how Achraf beamed with pride in their friendship when he boasted to others that they were the best duo of friends in football history with no secrets between them. But he convinced himself that his difficulty breathing around Achraf was a medical condition, and medical conditions don’t qualify as secrets. He hoped that was the case.
His thoughts were getting too loud in his head and he prayed for a distraction, and as though God was waiting for the OK from him, his phone instantaneously rang. He was grateful, until he was not, groaning as he saw the caller ID. Of course, the universe liked playing cruel jokes on him, he should’ve known it was none other than Achraf himself that decided to break his trance.
“Kyky! Why haven’t you been replying to my texts?” He heard the eagerness in Achraf's voice and felt himself helplessly slip away, melting like butter to the sound.
“Was on the phone with my mom, sorry. What’s up?” was all Kylian could manage after his jarring conversation with his mother.
“Ooh, that big talk she wanted to have with you was supposed to be today? How’s Mama doing? Did you give her my greetings and tell her I miss her like I told you to? I was just calling to let you know I’ve picked some takeout and will be over in 5.”
Panic. Don’t panic. Panic. Don’t panic. Panic.
All Kylian’s missing is a flower right now.
“Alright well see ya soon, love ya bye!” Achraf hangs up before he could even answer.
Kylian looks around his place. Looks clean enough. Ever since it’s gotten too cold to be outside for too long, Achraf and Kylian mostly spend their time back at Kylian’s after practice.
He sits up as the sound of jingling keys precedes the unlocking of his door, seeing Achraf at the door frame wrapped snugly in a warm red scarf calms his nerves and shoots his anxiety levels through the roof at the same time.
He’s pretty as always, Kylian thinks as rises to greet Achraf, struck by his unfair beauty once again.
“Kykyyyyyy, it was sooooo cold out, my hands are soooo cold again” Achraf draws out his whining as he envelopes Kylian in a tight hug, as if he was trying to warm himself up.
He can’t help but chuckle in amusement at his friend’s little rant “It’s almost like you refuse to wear gloves whenever you go out” now happily returning the embrace.
“You’re so heartless, you’d know how I feel if you were me!” “Wait, feel them” He announces, setting the takeout boxes aside on the table before brushing his ice cold fingers on Kylian’s neck.
He should feel at least some level ofdiscomfort, yet he doesn’t, a soft smile finds its way on his face, and Achraf smiles back in a way Kylian can't explain, causing his cheeks starting to heat till Achraf violently jerks him.
“What the hell?! What is it?” He frowns, seeing his friend’s worried expression.
“Kylian! Do you even realise how cold it is, you idiot?” Achraf says before flicking him in the forehead.
“Ow! Dude! We’re indoors. And I like it a little chilly inside anyway, you know that!”
“How many times do I have to tell you, you need to put on a jacket! You’ll catch a cold damnit! Do I need to do everything for you? For the love of God, I can’t have you roaming around like this.” He continues, still fussing over his friend’s lack of “appropriate” clothing.
“Achraf, we’re inside. I don’t think I’m going to catch a cold just because I’m not wearing a jacket, and I’m not going to wear one either so quit nagging.”
“Here.” He says, getting his scarf off himself in one swift motion before wrapping it around Kylian’s neck “There, this should keep you a little warm. Keep it so you have at least one decent scarf with you, idiot”
The fabric of the scarf felt nice against Kylian’s neck, he felt nice and warm, although maybe it wasn’t much of the scarf’s doing. Kylian found the whole situation amusing, he has a 24 year old man fussing and fretting over him as if he were a child, mother-hen Achraf was too cute for words and Kylian was eternally grateful only he could bring it out of him, even if it was just friendly concern.
“Thank you, mama.” He snickered, trying to push his buttons.
Achraf rolls his eyes before replying “Anything for my beautiful baby boy”, grabbing Kylian’s face and squeezing it to tease him, expecting an agitated Kylian but all Kylian does is smile for Achraf and he.. doesn’t know what to do when Kylian has the same beautiful expression that he’s wearing right now, gazing at him as if he were the most valuable treasure in the world.
“Why are you always so happy?” He squeezes Kylian’s face even more in another attempt to shift his own thoughts by getting Kylian all .
“Because I’m with you.”
A short, four word sentence was all it took for Kylian to catch Achraf off guard. That wasn’t what he expected. The reaction took Achraf by surprise, and he found himself transfixed by the genuine happiness in Kylian’s eyes, almost shining like the stars in the night sky. Was Kylian okay? Why does he look so…delicate? Achraf felt that connection between them again, something he’d feel quite often, it was undeniable and he couldn’t even explain it. How could he explain why he can’t separate himself from Kylian right now when he himself was still searching for answers?
“ Mama ” Kylian teases, “Are you going to stop staring?”
Reeled out of his own thoughts, he reluctantly takes his hands off of Kylian’s face, sighing “How could I? Mama’s baby is so precious and pretty” He teases but he sees how Kylian’s face instantly tinges with red, and for the second time tonight, Achraf looks like those damn unidentifiable emotions were raging within his heart again.
“It really does look so good on you though. You look so…so…” He’s being so honest yet he struggles to find the word, catching Kylian fidgeting with the ends of his scarf-
“You look so endearing. Like cosy, homey, familiar.”
“Ah yes, that’s the dream compliment, Hakimi! You’ve always had your way with words. Making a grown ass adult, the literal face of PSG sound like a fucking pet!” Kylian smacks his head.
He stops wondering and is shaken from his weird thoughts, glad he was able to keep them in check before it got too far. He groans and tells Kylian to come eat before the food gets cold.
—
The two lazily scarfed down their meals, talking over dinner as though they hadn’t just met a few hours ago. It seemed they really never ran out of things to say to each other, and Kylian was so proud he took a shy Inter MIlan transfer of a few words and turned him so talkative that there was hardly ever a moment of silence between them.
“So yeah, you didn't say, how’s mama?”
His heart melted, the way Achraf has always referred to his mother as “mama” ‘ Literally why are you so cute, I love you’ he thinks.
“And what was the whole talk she planned to have with you all about anyway?” Achraf asks.
‘ No no no. I take it back. I hate you. No I don’t, just please don’t do this’’ His thoughts switched up faster than all of Achraf’s questions that came at him.
He opens his mouth to say something but nothing comes out and he can see Achraf’s curiosity is growing by the minute, as he looks at him expectantly, waiting for an answer.
“Hey, Kykys.. are you okay?” The concern in Achraf’s voice and his hand that was now holding his chin up was what got him to finally speak up.
“Huh, oh yeah. Yeah yeah.” “Mama’s well. She says she really misses you as well, to be honest she mostly talked about you the whole time.”
Achraf perked up at that, soaking up all that validation from Kylian’s mother. “Aw, really?! Mama’s so darn sweet!! I really do miss her, it’s always so much fun to pick on you with her.”
‘Now or never, I guess.’ Kylian took a deep breath, steeling himself for what he’s about to say, mentally bracing himself for the worst.
“She uh, she actually wanted to ask me to ask and see if you’re free and would want to join us for Christmas this year.” He starts awkwardly, staring at the floor with his thumbs fiddling with Achraf’s scarf again “But I said you’re probably busy and would rather spend the holidays doing something else since you don’t celebrate Christmas anywa-”
“Are you crazy? I would love to join you guys!!” Achraf bursts out with unbridled excitement, smiling with so much warmth and joy it hurt.
“Arra.. No, she wanted to call you herself but I figured you’d have no choice then. It’s very sweet of you to say yes and all but you really don’t have to.”
“But Kylian, I want to spend Christmas with you.” Achraf's face visibly drops. And if Achraf’s incomparable beauty while he was bubbling and bouncing excitement physically hurt his insides, then his face dropping in disappointment fucking killed Kylian because shit, I want to spend ALL my Chrismtases with you, he can’t see him sad like this.
“Oh..I get it.” He hums quietly.
“Huh?”
“Don’t worry, I understand.” Running his fingers through Kylian’s buzzed hair with a smile now.
“What are you talking about?” He asks again, puzzled by Achraf’s sudden change of demeanour.
“Kyky, look I can tell when you can’t say something to my face and I know you don’t want me to come. Idiot, you don’t have to worry about anything. This is your Christmas and it should be all about you and what you want.”
As horrible as he feels about everything Achraf’s saying right now he still thinks to himself ‘I’M all about you and you’re all I could dream of for Christmas’.
"Like I guess I’d just be intruding and making it all awkward for you guys anyway haha.”
Stop him. Kylian felt his heart sink lower and lower and the glowing twinge of sadness in Achraf’s eyes felt like a kick in the balls. “All I’m saying is I’m sorry Kyks, I know I got ahead of myself. I didn’t even think of it that way. I just got really excited because, you know, I’ve always wanted to celebrate Christmas properly,” He lets out a laugh “And with you, it would be so much fun! But I absolutely understand the holidays are a family only thing, no matter how close we are. So please don’t worry about me!”
“Arra, arra , my god, no .” Kylian tsks and face palms himself for letting Achraf cook all sorts of theories in his head.
“First of all, what is this family only thing you speak of? You are mine. Family, I mean. S tupide. ” He says frantically, grabbing Achraf by the shoulders so he can look at him.
Achraf stops staring at the ground and finally looks up but he’s still unconsciously sticking his bottom lip out, despite trying his best to show he’s not hurt. Something he subconsciously does when he’s upset, and it’s so unbelievably captivating, in any other situation the sweetness of it all would take Kylian’s breath away, but right now, virtually nothing can distract him from the look in Achraf’s.
“Arra, you’re misunderstanding everything. That's not what this is about. I want to spend Christmas with just you.”
‘I could spend them all with just you and you alone.’ He curses his inner voice at its timing, as if it wasn't his own self speaking but a separate entity, and before he continues reassuring the man in front of him. “And my family probably loves you ten times the amount they love me..so trust me, It’s not what you think it is. It’s just what my mom had to talk to me about, remember I told you? ”
The look on Achraf’s face was quickly replaced by that of confusion “What do you mean? How does that involve me?”
God, hasn’t he answered enough questions today already? Kylian regrets transforming this tall dork into a chatty idiot that can’t shut up, asking him all these things he can’t answer without internally throwing up 5 times.
He takes a sharp breath and lets the anxiety wash over him, he had to do this.
“My mom wants me to bring a date to Christmas.”
It was Achraf’s turn to go pink. He pulled down on his hat to cover his flustered expression, appearing like a deer caught in headlights.
“You.. you’re seeing someone?” He asks coldly with a blank, unreadable expression which sends a chill down Kylian’s spine.
“No! Of course not. She has been nagging me to get serious about dating for months so I told her I'm with someone to get her off my back.”
“And this person is..me?” He tries to hide it but Kylian knows him well enough to hear the very faint self-satisfaction in his voice. Fucking Achraf. Sly bastard. Fuck him for trying to make Kylian spell it out. As if he’d give him what he wants.
“No. She rushed to that conclusion herself, saying we’re so close and all it’s the only answer that made sense.” He sees Achraf, still somewhat beaming over the fact that everyone knows he’s the most important person to him and he decides to put a damper on it because he’s not going to have Achraf have this at his expense.
“I didn’t say anything after that because you know I feel uncomfortable opening up about stuff like my relationships.” He’s lying, he knows, but fuck if he’s going to let Achraf know he lied about being Achraf’s boyfriend. “So yeah, she just thinks I’m bringing a date. Didn’t say who. She just assumed it was you I guess but it really could be anyone.”
At that, Achraf stops smiling.
“Anyone?” He asks, something shifting in his voice.
“Of course, it could be anyone.” Kylian shrugs.
“Well then, good. That anyone won’t be me.” Something in Achraf’s eyes darkens and he’s not used to it, Kylian already misses the welcoming warmth of them, like the gates of the sun’s embrace had just shut on his face.
Achraf gets up from his seat at the table and Kylian follows him quickly.
“Bro? Are you mad at something?”
“I’m not mad, Kylian. I just don’t think I can pretend to be your date to Christmas. That shit’s not right. In fact I know I can’t. But that shouldn’t be a problem, you can just ask anyone.”
He started roughly gathering his belongings that were sprawled across the dinner table, not caring that his keys clattered loudly against the glass surface.
Kylian stood frozen, watching him with a mixture of sadness and confusion, had he really messed it all up after so long, in one single evening? Does this mean this is the end of them? All these thoughts churned against him against his will, and tears prickled at the corner of his eyes, but he tried his best to hold them back.
Achraf turned to face him, his voice low and tight. “I have to go home, Kylian.”
Kylian's heart felt like it would combust, but not the way it usually did.. He opened his mouth to speak, but no words came out. He wanted to reach out to Achraf, to make him stay, but he was afraid that any movement would only make things worse. He had really fucked up this time but there’s only so long he could’ve lived this dream.
Achraf let out a frustrated sigh and shook his head. “I think I need some space. Bye, Kylian.” He said as he turned to leave.
“Wait!”
He turned around and saw Kylian taking off his scarf “Take this.”
“Keep it with you.” And with that, he turned and walked out the door, leaving Kylian standing alone in the silent room.
He sank into a chair, tears finally streaming down his face. He kept his secret for so long, what went wrong? Why had he decided to throw it all away today? He replayed the conversation in his mind, trying to make sense of it all, but all he could feel was a deep hollowness and the emptiness of loss.
“I love you like you love God.” He mumbled to himself before falling to the floor.
—
It’s the next day and Kylian looks outside his window onto the streets of Paris. It was raining today, the rain hitting his window softly, clouds dark with umbrellas dotting the sidewalk.
It’s the next day and he thought and hoped that maybe, Achraf would come over. Their daily routine consisted of Achraf driving to Kylian's so they could have breakfast and go to practice together. He made two cups of coffee anyway, because Achraf hasn’t called to cancel, hasn’t said anything at all. It was Kylian who assumed he’d still come, and when they met he’d somehow be able to sweep everything under the rug again.
If he’s honest with himself it was his own fault. Their friendship was perfect, and not only had he ruined it for himself but for Achraf too, who frequently reminded him that Kylian was the one person he could never lose. The silence weighed him down deeper and deeper, there aren’t even any texts from Achraf, and God, isn’t it sad how Kylian already misses him?
He stares down at his phone, the other should’ve been here 20 minutes ago, he knows because Achraf is always overly punctual. And maybe because he was always counting. He sighs and hits the call button on his phone.
—
“Can you stop your depressive sighing?” Olivier suggests, as he looks through all the shoes their sales associate at Dior had fished out for them. “It’s really putting me in a bad mood.”
“I am in a bad mood, jackass.” Kylian huffs.
They’re at the mall right now, there were predictions about the rain turning into a proper storm so there would be no training today and he decided moping at home won’t get him anywhere. Usually, he’d spend time with Achraf on their days off, but he already blew that so he called Olivier, who was already on 3 weeks of vacation, which wasn’t really doing anything for him, by the way, because he feels like moping at home even more now. But at least he can talk to Olivier about Achraf, even if he’s absolutely dogshit at giving advice or even if Kylian’s mostly just ranting and rambling about all the great things about him and how he himself should’ve been born as a woman or something, it felt nice to get it all off his chest, knowing someone’s listening to the secret part of him that no one knows of.
“Yeah, I know. Y’know I could actually just come with you so your mom rests too.”
“Christmas is the last thing that’s stressing me right now, dude. Fuck Christmas, I won’t even go.”
“Come on, let’s just grab these shoes then we can head back to your place.”
He smiles and lets Olivier take over the conversation as they walk through the crowd in their silly little disguises, surprisingly no one could tell it’s them and Kylian was so grateful for it.
Olivier’s talking about his time at AC Milan, telling him fun stories and Kylian appreciates it but he knows he’s talking so much only so he doesn’t have enough room in his head to think about Achraf. Too bad though, Achraf’s always on his mind.
He’s laughing at one of his stories and it’s then when he spots him and his laugh instantly dies out in his throat.
“What?” Olivier asks
“It’s Achraf” He mumbles and points to the man who was also donning a ridiculous disguise.
“Dude, that’s some dude in a weird mask. You’re overthinking. Get your mind off the guy and maybe you’ll stop seeing him everywhere.”
“No, dipshit. You think I of all people wouldn’t be able to recognise him? That’s really him and I also see..” He squints to get a better look at who Achraf’s with and his heart sinks instantly, swallowing nothing really hard “...Hiba.”
Hiba, a beautiful Spanish girl from Madrid who was always nice to him. He’s never minded having her around before, since he knew she was a childhood friend of Achraf’s but today something in his heart ached. Seeing her hanging on Achraf’s arm, giggling and chatting animatedly sent a sharp pang in his chest because he knew Hiba always had a crush on Achraf, but he never considered maybe Achraf could return her feelings too, one day.
“Huh, looks like he’s trying to extract himself away but he’s too polite. Let’s just leave before he notices us” Olivier suggests but Kylian’s feet are rooted too deep in the ground, and it was too late anyway. Achraf had already seen him, met his gaze over the distance across them but quickly averted his eyes. Blatant rejection. Achraf is ignoring him. Kylian wished he could deny it and say he wasn’t in pain, but even internally he couldn’t bring himself to do so.
He’s still staring, and Achraf looks up to maybe see if Kylian’s still there and looking, so their eyes meet once again, and his eyes now flash to Olivier, just noticing him. He now takes a step towards them and Kylian quickly turns to Olivier “Let’s just walk in the other direction.” He uttered tensely but it's too late because Hiba’s already noticed them now and was smiling, waving, making her way to them, dragging Achraf along her.
Kylian raises his hand to wave back in greeting but feels a strong arm slide around his waist, fingers gripping his hip “Wha- Olivier?”
“Just trust me, turtle.” He grins and pulls the younger man even closer to his body.
Before he can argue, Hiba and Achraf are already in front of them.
“Hey Kylian! So good to see you! She smiles, a little out of breath from trying to get to them so fast.
Her smile is really pretty, he thinks and God he hates to admit it but they look so good together. Like a couple straight off a magazine. Even in their silly disguises, they stand out beautifully, though Achraf didn’t need anyone to draw attention. God sculpts men like him once every 500 years.
Kylian says his hello but his eyes are fixated on Achraf, who looks uncomfortable, like he’d rather be anywhere else in the world right now, all while not meeting his eyes and sliding his gaze through the crowd.
“Who’s your friend here?” She winks, obviously motioning to Olivier’s arm around his waist.
“He’s-”
“I’m Olivier. We’re teammates on the French national team, and before you ask, yes we’re on a date.” Olivier quickly interrupts smugly and Kylian nearly chokes on nothing , because that's how absurd Olivier’s being right now.
He instantly feels Achraf’s sharp, fixed stare on him now. A piercing look that makes Kylian blush because just what the hell is Olivier thinking? He looks up in anger but purses his lips, forcing a smile and nod because his friend looks so confident in whatever he’s trying to pull right now.
Hiba claps excitedly for him, but it feels like a slap in the face. “Oh! I’m sorry for not recognising you! I don’t follow football, just Achraf haha” To which Achraf’s face contorts in an expression of displeasure and he rolls his eyes. “You two look so good together. You’ve found a handsome one, Kyky!”
Achraf’s gaze on him is still unmoving and he wants nothing more to do than to push Olivier away and explain. But what would he even say? Whoever Kylian was with or dated didn’t matter to Achraf, as he made it very clear last night. So maybe this was for the best.
He’s biting his lip hard while Hiba goes on about how they make a really cute power couple and what not. “Achraf, don’t you agree? They’re so cute!” “We should get going.” Achraf says sternly, not answering the question and turning to leave.
They all bid their goodbyes and as soon as they’re out of sight, Kylian pushes himself out of Olivier’s tight hold.
“What the actual fuck?!” He spits out but is met with his national teammate letting out a loud laugh.
“What?! What’s so funny. This is so weird!” Kylian says all tense and desperate.
“You should’ve..seen his face” He says between his laughing fits. “You still don’t get it?” He asks as he points to Achraf’s position as he was walking away “He was so irritated, and so confused. God, it was hilarious”
“Olivier, just what are you on about?!”
“You were so shy and embarrassed.. You didn’t even notice the glares he shot me the entire time?” He’s holding his stomach and letting out another loud laugh now, getting on Kylian’s nerves.
“Nonsense”
“I swear to everything holy, if his staring could kill I would not be an alive man standing next to you right now.”
“No no, you have it all wron-” He tries but is cut off by his friend once again.
“Me? You’re the one who doesn’t get it.”
“No look he’s not like tha-”
“Look Ky, I don’t really know what his problem is” Olivier interrupts him “But he did not like the idea of you going out with me. At all. I’ve been around the guy before and that’s the first time I haven’t seen him smile, the first time he hasn’t greeted me hello. I’m not the best at this feely stuff, but this much even I can tell you.”
After that, Kylian fell silent for a while. He doesn’t get what Olivier’s trying to get at and everything’s a mess inside his brain anyway. He’s still shaken and confused from last night with Achraf, and right now Olivier’s far-fetched theories aren’t making it better.
—
He walks into his kitchen, laughing over yet another stupid story Olivier cooked up in order to distract him from everything that’s happened in the last 24 hours.
Leaning against the counter, he waits for the coffee machine to brew them some coffee. He sighs and looks out his window, it's dark and raining like anything. Sound of the rain hitting against the window loud, Olivier sitting in his living room, yet he feels lonely without Achraf’s voice echoing through the house.
“Shit.” He curses out in frustration. It could have been different, he thinks. It could have all been different, Kylian. If he didn’t let himself fall so helplessly, hopelessly for Achraf he’d be okay right now. They’d be friends, and Kylian wouldn’t be feeling this dejected after seeing him with Hiba. If he wasn’t stupid enough to spend every minute of the day with someone I had my eyes on from the start, he wouldn’t be hurting like this right now.
He clenches his eyes shut, letting out a deep sigh before grabbing their cups of coffee and heading to the living room.
“Here.” Handing the cup to Olivier, who thanks him and quickly takes a sip, consequently burning his tongue.
“There’s a storm outside.” He mumbles, as he hears thunder from afar.
“What, are you afraid?” Olivier lifts an eyebrow.
“Not of the storm, no.”
Their conversation is put to a halt when the doorbell rings. He blinks, tea cup still in his hands as he gets up to answer the door.
“Who is it?” Olivier asks and Kylian couldn’t answer because-
It’s Achraf. Right here, standing in front of him, at his doorstep, dripping wet, is Achraf Hakimi.
His breath gets stuck in his throat until he hears the taller man say “Hey” in a..was that a nasal voice? Perhaps it was the storm, Achraf did look like he got caught in it but shit, did he sound good. “Can I come in?”
“Uhm” “Um.” Kylian starts intelligently, dumbfounded at the sight of the tall, fully drenched man in front of him before he moves to the side and says “Uh-, Ah. sure. Please, come in.”
“Thanks.” He says with a nod of gratitude and steps inside, eyes scanning the room till his eyes land on Olivier. His expression instantly hardens, but he stays silent, choosing not to comment on the fact that the other man was at Kylian’s, late at night.
“Giroud.” He says, anyway, in an attempt to make it known he’s here.
Olivier just eyes him warily and asks “Hakimi? At this hour?” while Achraf’s taking his soaking coat off to avoid getting the floor wet.
“Yes, nothing new. I can come to Kylian’s whenever I want.” Achraf answers dryly because he has every right to be here, this was Kylian’s house. Kylian was his fucking friend. Who does this spray tan bastard think he is to question him being here? Who is he to Kylian anyway? Trash. Sergio’s words rang in his mind “ You’re not that possessive of other friends of yours, or at least not us.” but he chose to ignore it because he was here to see Kylian, not this orange eyesore.
“Hm. Nasty weather, huh.” Olivier comments.
“Tell me about it, got caught in it. Should’ve taken my umbrella with me.”
“It’s been raining all day though, whatever you have to say must be pretty urgent.
Achraf scowls and opens his mouth to retort before Kylian interrupts them. “Let me go get you a towel” he says, putting his cup of coffee down before making his way to the bathroom. Once inside, he closes the door and leans against it just to have a moment to himself. His thoughts are running all over and he tries to collect them but really, what the fuck was Achraf doing here, drenched and nasal voiced at this hour after ignoring him all day. He thought he didn’t want to see Kylian again. All of this is so confusing, Kylian’s back slides against the door to sit down for a breather and he thinks to himself that just seeing Achraf shouldn’t get his heart beating like this.
When he returned with the towel, he saw that Olivier had left and Achraf’s standing alone in his living room, black hair still dripping droplets of rain on his wet face. He looks lost and Kylian’s heart clenches at the sight. Only a few days ago, Achraf felt completely at ease in his home, sometimes even calling it his own, what changed?
Did he let his feelings come in between their friendship so much that Achraf couldn’t even feel comfortable in what he considered home?
“He left.” Achraf says unnecessarily, pointing out the obvious as Kylian hands him the towel.
“I see.” Is all Kylian says because honestly, he doesn’t know what to say or do with Achraf, now that he’s here.
Why is he even here anyways? He didn’t care to look at either him or Olivier at the mall earlier today, and now he’s suddenly here at his house drying his hair and face with a towel.
They stare at each other in silence before Achraf finally breaks it. “Sorry for ruining your…” He sighs “Date.” Finally managing to finish his sentence.
Kylian blinks once, and then again because Achraf’s behaviour really isn’t making any sense to him. He doesn’t know what Achraf’s thinking, he can’t read his voice, can’t read his usually smiling face and it leaves him feeling helpless, because what was he even supposed to say? Should he tell Achraf that Olivier was just kidding? That he’s not dating anybody? Or should he just play along because well..what’s it to Achraf anyway? His thoughts were spiralling out of control so he grabbed his cup of coffee once again but Achraf once again threw another question his way.
“What was he even doing here… so late at night? In the middle of a storm?”
Kylian furrows his brows, and he tries to study Achraf’s face, who’s now looking at him with irritation evident in his face, confusion leaking through his voice “I mean..You weren't going to…were you?”
“What?” He asks when Achraf doesn’t complete the sentence.
“Nevermind.” Achraf answers hastily, as if his own thoughts were annoying him. His eyes slid to the window for a second and then back to Kylian.
“I don’t want you to date Giroud.”
His eyes widen, his fingers clutching desperately at his coffee cup, because he’s afraid he might just let it fall. What’s Achraf getting at? Does he not like Olivier? Or perhaps, the idea of him dating men?
Or was Achraf jealous?
He shakes the thought away, quickly trying to steer his mind from that delusional direction. Achraf isn’t like him. Achraf has a chance at a steady relationship with Hiba, or any other woman in the world, the man could physically never feel something like jealousy at the thought of him dating other men.
“I-” He starts and he wants to say he’s not with Olivier, he never could be, his heart belonged to Achraf and he just wants them to forget everything that happened yesterday, for them to just go back to being friends. He doesn’t say any of that though, replying with one word before he can even comprehend that he’s said it.
“Why?”
At that, Achraf looks at him, long fingers sliding through his wet hair. “You two don’t fit together.”
Kylian raises an eyebrow, ready to counter but Achraf quickly adds “You’re both very different. You’re so jolly and he’s so-”
“We’re very different too. Yet we’re friends.”
They still were, right?
“Yes.” Achraf says, looking irritated again “But he’s too old for you anyway.”
“You and Hiba share the same age difference.”
“Don’t compare us. Hiba and I will never be anything.” He grits out before saying, “Giroud seems like a jerk.”
“You don’t even know him, Achraf.” Kylian replies, putting the coffee cup back on the table, the coffee too cold now anyway.
“But you do?” Achraf snaps then and Kylian flinches a little at Achraf raising his voice, surprised to see the man get angry off pitch probably the first time in two years of friendship. He’s used to seeing Achraf as the personification of the sun, warm and smiling, always calm and collected, but the older man looks like he can barely contain himself right now.
“Why are you here Achraf? In the middle of a storm?”
“And what of the storm that rages in my heart , when I don’t even get it myself?” Achraf mumbles then. Soft and vulnerable, how he always is. How Kylian knows him.
“There’s a lot..” He starts, taking a step towards Kylian, “You don’t know about me.” still coming closer to him, Kylian backing away, trying to put distance between them. He can’t read Achraf and it’s scaring him, he thought he’d seen all of Achraf but he has never seen him like this.
“Even I don’t understand just why-” He stops walking, realising Kylian’s back is pressed against the hard wooden door and he’s cornering him.
“I’m not sure what you want me to say.” Kylian says then, his voice shaking a little, because it’s the truth.
“I want you to tell Giroud-”
“Olivier.”
“Giroud. I want you to tell Giroud to fuck off.”
“Why?” He croaks, Achraf’s presence becoming more and more overwhelming by the second.
“Because you don’t need him.”
“I can’t think straight with you so close to me.” He says and closes his eyes, because shit, his heart is ready to burst out of his chest.
“Then don’t think.”
“You make no sense, I-” He starts but then he feels a hand on his cheek, and he opens his eyes, just to find dark ones staring back at him. He swallows hard, enticed by the desire in Achraf’s eyes. “There’s no need for you to date him. You’re too good for him. I’ll take you home for Christmas.” Achraf says as he leans down closer.
“Achraf, you don’t have to.”
“I want to. If it keeps you away from that lowlife bastard, I’ll do anything.” He promises, and Kylian can tell he means it.
“What, like pretend to be my boyfriend for Christmas?” Kylian scoffs.
“Sure, I don’t see why not.” He says softly, nonchalantly, their noses now almost brushing.
Kylian tries to wrap his head around the situation, because what has gotten into Achraf, fuck. What the fuck? Why was Achraf acting like this? Can’t he see what he does to him?
“Arra, I don’t see why you’re putting up with this. I told you, you don’t have to do any of this. Can’t we just put this in the past already? No one’s going to believe we’re dating.”
“Why wouldn’t I? You asked me to come as your date first.” He looks bashful and a single droplet of water trickles down Kylian’s face from a wet strand of Achraf’s black hair.
“I didn’t ask you, I told you what my mo-” Kylian interjects before being interrupted,
“And no one’s going to doubt us. Why would they?” He says quietly, his eyes flickering down to Kylian’s lips.
“They know we’re friends, so they’d know we’re pretending.” Kylian’s trying his best to put an end to this situation, even if it meant lying to Achraf, all while trying to remember to breathe, because they’re still so so close.
“Nonsense.” Achraf breathed, “Would you let a friend do this ?” He says as his hands move up, grabbing the back of Kylian’s head and pressing their lips together fiercely. The kiss is crushing like Achraf doesn’t want to say words that are inadequate. Kylian's brain shuts off, and no matter how bad of an idea this is, he acts solely on instinct, kissing Achraf back, feeling torn open, closer to him than he has ever been, right at Kylian’s core.
Achraf presses him against the door, body flush against his own, and Kylian can’t help but whine low in his throat at the feeling. Achraf’s fingers slide softly through his hair, and Kylian lets his hands rest on Achraf’s back, fisting the other's damp shirt.
He gasps when he feels Achraf slide one of his legs between his own, and the older uses this opportunity to slide his tongue in his mouth. Kylian can feel his heartbeat, his breath, his head a mess.
They are making a mistake, he knows, but fuck, it’s hard to escape Achraf and the feeling that is spreading through his body, making his heart beat like thunder.
He pushes his hands against Achraf’s chest, and turns his head to the side, breaking the kiss. He tries to force himself to look at the other man but he can’t, instead he hears him say.
“Wow, baby. Still think they won’t believe us even after they see us like this? I’m already so in character too!”
“You kissed me because you wanted to show me how good of an actor you are?” Kylian says, sounding betrayed. He knew it was a mistake, but maybe he didn’t want to see his suspicions come to life.
“No, I kissed you because you still don’t need that cocky son of a bitch. If you brought him back home, it must mean you wanted him for his body, right? So really, I’ve just solved the two biggest problems of your life right now.” Achraf says proudly, crossing his arms with a smile.
Kylian still stands wordlessly so he continues, “I’ll come with you for Christmas and you don’t need that slimy bastard if you get..lonely, okay? It just bothers me to think of you with him, so promise you won’t see him again.”
“We’re teammates.” Kylian says and he couldn’t believe his own ears, he didn’t know Achraf would be one to get so territorial over his friends, not even romantic partners.
“Not like that. You have no use of him when you have me.” Achraf scoffs, gaze somewhat..sincere?
“That’s absurd, and we weren’t even on a date.” He sighs, “You don’t have to do things like that with me just because you walked in on me hanging with a friend at night, I’m not a horny teenager that needs an outlet.”
Achraf ignores everything he’s just said and excitedly shakes his fists “We’re going to be spending Christmas together!”
“You think I’m going to let you pretend to be my boyfriend?”
Something in Achraf’s demeanour shifts completely, going back to his usual charming smile, and oh ? Is he trying to go all puppy eyes on him right now?
“Kykyyy, I want to be with you on Christmas.” He whines, resting his head in Kylian’s neck, making sad huffing sounds.
“You know you could just come as my friend right?” Kylian states as he rolls his eyes and caresses the head that's placed between his shoulder and neck.
“That’s no fun. I mean.. Mama would be worried about you right? We don’t want her to worry. You can trust me, no one will find out.” Achraf really is a clever one, pinning it up on his mom now, trying to sound as innocent and cute as possible.
Kylian knows he won’t last long because his resolve is already slipping so he indulges. “But you promise to behave? You are in absolutely no condition allowed to kiss me like that again, just to prove a point that we’re a couple or whatever. We can just say we’re shy or whatever.”
“Yeah, I’m sorry. That was weird of me, I don’t know what got into me either. Yeah don't worry, I promise not to be extra touchy feely just to show people.” He reasons and nods his head like an excited child.
No, it wasn’t weird of you at all. It was everything I could have dreamed of and more. I got what I wanted, and I guess that was benevolent enough of God, so I’ll just replay it enough in my head to last me a lifetime.
Kylian puts on a brave face and smiles, because he'd do anything for Achraf. “Alright, get packing then. We’re going home bro.”
The way Achraf excitedly wraps his arms around him, squeezing him in a bone crushing hug makes him think he made the right decision, even if his brain was screaming at him. “I can’t wait for the days to quickly go by, this is gonna be so much fun!”