Archive of Our Own

Bam was looking at him weird. 

To start, he was looking at Khun quite a bit. It wasn’t abnormal, per se, for Bam to look at him, it just went that Khun tended to look over at Bam more than Bam looked over at Khun. But now their ratios were absolutely off. 

Khun would be doing—anything! Eating, working on his lighthouse, practicing with the firefish, training, maintaining old contacts, and then he would look over and there! There Bam would be, just looking at him. Sometimes Bam’s eyes would go wide and he would look away like Whoops, Didn’t Mean To Do That, but more and more, Bam would just look back at him. He even started raising an eyebrow as if to say What About It?

Khun did not know what to do with this eyebrow. He looked away first whenever Bam raised his eyebrow, something squirming through him. 

He would exhale a little, short and sharp, feeling like he had to compose himself, and then he would put himself back to whatever the hell he had been doing, ignoring the fact that he could feel Bam looking at him. 

He never really could ignore it. His ears would get hot, and then he would realize that meant they were probably red and that he was probably blushing in general and that was even more horrifying, and his ears would get hotter and he could almost see himself, all blue and pink and stupid as hell, blushing from Bam looking at him. 

He hated it, to say the least. 

He hated it more when Bam started getting audacious. Now, audacious was not an abnormal word to ascribe to Bam. It ended up attached to Bam often enough: the irregular’s audacious attack on the nest, the audacious escape from the Lo Po Bia wedding competition, so on, so forth, ohh he’s so audacious. 

The thing is that Khun never called him that. He didn’t like the description on Bam. It led too easily to incredible, spectacular, which led to god-like, which was bad both for Bam and for Khun’s increasingly wavering self confidence. 

No, he stuck to neat little descriptors like brave, impulsive, kind-hearted, a pain in his ass. 

But this bullshit? It could only be considered audacious, in that it made Khun want to exclaim, oh, the audacity!

See, take this:

Khun was training with his hand to hand. It was fine for a regular, but Fine For A Regular was a scale that had left behind years ago. Sure, he had been in a coma when it had been left behind, but he wasn’t about to make a victim of himself and had since put himself to work in adapting to his new environment. 

So, sure, he was practicing katas. Okay, normal! That’s fine! Bam had even showed up and looked at him and did the insufferable eyebrow thing and then Khun’s ears had done the mortifying going red thing, but that was okay. Khun could live with that. He could, he really, really could. 

But then Bam stopped just looking. He walked forward, each step smooth and fluid like a leopard, and Khun ignored him more, moving through the steps, and tried not to think how Bam could be described in terms of predatory grace and he definitely didn’t look at the gleaming golden eyes that were eagerly following him. 

He stepped through to the last stance, heroically not making any mistakes. 

“Not bad,” Bam praised, and Khun wasn’t looking at him, looking instead at the mirror, except he could watch Bam in the mirror and he could see Bam looking at his ass. 

Khun swallowed heavily, hot all over, sweaty for no good reason. 

Bam’s eyes flicked up to meet his in the mirror. Khun swallowed again, like an idiot. 

A grin flashed over Bam’s face and Khun was happy that he was happy, really, he was, Bam’s life had been difficult, they were technically at war with Jahad now, and smiles had been long since absent from Bam’s face, so yes, he really was happy that Bam was feeling positive emotions but he was also highly paranoid about what that meant for him. 

“Thanks,” he said, flatly without meaning to be, still watching Bam through the mirror. 

Bam took a big breath, his eyes serious but still somehow cute, like a puppy about to pounce on a toy, all intent and adorable. 

And then fucker took his shirt off. 

Khun realized he was the toy about to be pounced on.  

Bam tossed the damn thing on the ground, and yeah, he had a nice body, of course he did, he was an irregular, it would be insane if he didn’t, but it was still distracting, seeing the way his muscles moved when he stretched his arms, his eyes falling shut, his hips cocking slightly, and all his muscles going long. 

And then Bam was looking at him, fucking grinning again, and bouncing on his heels. “Let’s spar a bit.”

And this? This was too much for Khun to talk about through the mirror. He spun around to face Bam directly. “What?!”

“Yeah!” Bam insisted, all sunshine and Khun hated the part of him that melted at Bam’s joy, at how much he loved seeing that smile and knowing that it was for him. “Can you even remember the last time we did?” Bam stepped closer, all shirtless and smiling and Khun had no idea why clothes needed to come off for this, except part of him had a suspicion and that suspicion could not be named but still regularly sent electric shocks out that made his heart beat fast and his mouth a little dry. 

“And what, we need to take our shirts off for it?” Khun asked without meaning to. Fuck! Bam’s eyebrows raised and it wasn’t a What About It look, thank fucking god, but then What About It must have had a cousin, all half lidded and probably called Why Not, because Bam looked him up and down and Khun already felt naked by the time Bam got back to his face and he just let himself live with the fact that he was undeniably red. 

“I think it sounds fun,” Bam said, watching him carefully, his lip bitten, watching him like Khun’s reaction was the most important thing in the room, the most important thing on the billion credit warship.

Khun spluttered. 

Apparently this was a good thing. The eagerness in Bam’s eyes lit brighter and he bounced on his feet again, looking and looking at Khun, still biting his damn lip. “Come on,” Bam said, a phrase he normally used to convince Khun to do things that put both of them at the risk of dying. “I think it’ll be fun.” 

“Uh huh,” Khun said, fairly certain that this was one of the At Risk Of Dying situations. His heart was pounding and he had stupid fluttering in his stomach, and the last time he had been this hot the firefish had been involved. 

“Come on,” Bam said again, his eyes all puppy-dog big again, stepping in closer, all winsome and begging and fuck fuck fuck, Khun was going to do it, he was going to say yes and take his shirt off and spar with Bam. “We can stop whenever you want.”

The sound Khun wanted to make was best conveyed as Hrk. Inarticulate, pathetic, and an accurate description of how he felt. “Whenever—“ he actually said instead, but from the face Bam made, still adequately conveying pathetic and inarticulate. 

However, from Bam’s face, he liked pathetic and inarticulate. “Yeah,” Bam breathed, “whenever!”

He didn’t stop looking at Khun, his eyes gold and completely focused on Khun and all that Khun could really see, let alone pay attention to and his skin was already tingling and Bam was just staring at him like this was the best day of his life. 

“Yeah, okay,” Khun said, like an idiot, and a sunshine smile bloomed wide over Bam’s face, brilliantly happy, his eyes creasing shut, and Khun had thought the predatory grace was a problem. Hah! He swallowed heavily, his toes curling against the padded mats on the floor. 

“Great!” Bam said. And the sunshine smile turned into something a little less pure, a little more anticipatory, a little more like the Why Not eyes, except now it was his whole face. “Take off your shirt.”

Take off his shirt. Right. Just take off his shirt! No big deal, it’s just a shirt, and Bam wasn’t ripping his eyes away, still all anticipatory, obviously planning on watching every part of Just Taking His Shirt Off. 

Khun did it, feeling like he was watching from the outside. There, he grabs the hem, and Bam looks at him grabbing the hem, and here, he pulls it up, and Bam’s eyes follow, tracking and drinking in, and then over his face it goes and who knows what the hell Bam is doing for that quarter of a second and when Khun tosses it to the ground, Bam’s still looking at his body. 

Khun realizes faintly that his nipples are hard. Humiliation would probably be the correct response to that, except Bam was looking at him like Khun was a meal and he hadn’t eaten for a week, all wide-eyed and wondrous and practically salivating. 

Audacious, Khun thought faintly, feeling pornographic for just standing shirtless in the same room with a shirtless Bam. 

“So, do we wanna—“ Bam said, stopping mid-sentence to lick his lips, still not looking at Khun’s face, which in all honesty was probably for the best. Khun had all confidence that he was still red and he didn’t know what emotion exactly that he was feeling only that it was intense and curling deep inside him and that it twisted up his spine and curled his toes and fingers and it really probably was better that Bam couldn’t see whatever expression it was that was on Khun’s face. “Do we wanna start?” Bam continued. 

Khun took a shuddering breath. Start. Starting was great. Or they could just stand around and stare at each other and make Khun tingle in inappropriate places. 

“Um,” Khun said instead, intelligently. “Sure.”

Bam finally looked up at his face and his eyes went wide. Fuck. Khun swallowed. Bam took a deep breath and stepped closer, his eager eyes on Khun. 

Was this it? Were they starting? Were they sparring? Bam took another step, zero aggression in his posture, all anticipation. 

Khun put his hands up in a mockery of a stance, the air thin in his lungs. Bam batted lightly at his hands. 

Khun batted back. 

Bam’s lips crumpled tight, his eyes bright. 

Khun raised his eyebrows and tried batting at his hands again. 

Bam burst out into laughter and Khun followed him. What were they even doing? Bam giggled next to him, sweet and bright and Khun almost couldn’t breath, bending over, laughing and laughing. 

“What—“ Khun wheezed out. “What was that?”

“I don’t know!” Bam managed between laughter. “You just—why did you—“

“I don’t know!” Khun giggled, managing to stand up straight. 

“What were you doing with your hands?” Bam asked, his laughter fading. 

All the heat returned, going directly to Khun’s cheeks. “I don’t know,” he defended. “We were supposed to be sparring!”

Bam bit his lip again, looking at Khun. Khun had no idea what was going through Bam’s head. “Do you want to stop yet?” Bam asked. 

“What?” Khun’s brows furrowed. 

“Do you want to stop yet?” Bam repeated, his eyes all intent again. “We said we could stop whenever we want. Do you want to stop?” And Khun realized that Bam was all close again, his eyes all warm and looking only at Khun like this moment was important, and Khun should feel trapped, that’s what this moment should be, a predator in front of him and his back to a wall and no one that can hear him, and he should be scared. 

He felt fucking tingly instead. “We can keep going.” He shrugged tightly, a little breathless, and then Bam grinned and all his breath was genuinely gone, he held it, caught it, he wasn’t breathing and Bam was smiling and closer and then his head tilted and maybe it was all the breathing Khun wasn’t doing, maybe that’s why everything felt so dizzyingly intense but Bam was smiling right next to him, and—

A mouth was on his. 

Warm. It was warm. And they were both still looking at each other and a thought flitted through Khun’s head about shutting eyes, but Bam was watching him and he was watching back and a soft warm mouth was on his. 

Bam pulled back, breathed on Khun’s mouth, didn’t manage to blink. 

Khun gasped for breath. Bam’s eyes went round. Khun took another gasping breath and Bam’s eyes went worried and Khun looked away and tried to catch his breath subtly but Bam was still close enough that Khun could feel every exhale. 

“Okay?” Bam asked, his face nervous, and there was Khun’s attempts at subtly gone. 

“I was just holding my breath,” he gasped out, unintentionally honest. 

“Oh,” Bam said, clearly and for some unfathomable reason, relieved by that. 

“That wasn’t sparring,” Khun said, still apparently operating on saying whatever the first thought that came into his mind. 

“It wasn’t,” Bam agreed, still close, still shirtless and Khun checked and his nipples were hard too and that—that was something, wasn’t it? “You wanna keep going?”

“What?” Khun looked up to his face. 

Bam swallowed. “Do you wanna stop yet?”

Stop yet. Does Khun—stop. What was the beginning? Was the kiss the beginning? Does—what is stopping? 

“No,” Khun said, having no definition of what they were doing and no idea what they were going to do, but he was tingly and he suspected Bam might be too. 

Bam breathed out, a big relieved gust, and breathe, breathe, Khun tried to commit that to memory, remember to breathe, and Bam was pressing his mouth against his again. 

It was warm again, a press, plush, and Khun felt dizzy all the way down his spine, and it was a kiss, this was what this was, Bam was kissing him, had already kissed him, and now they were on number two and they were still fucking looking at each other, Bam’s eyes slitted but still clearly observing Khun. 

Khun pulled back, all breathless again despite having tried to remember it, and Bam’s slitted eyes widened. 

“We should shut our eyes,” Khun said, feeling a bit like he should follow the one damn rule he knew about kissing, the one bit of stability, of rationality, of—

Bam shut his eyes and kissed him again, pressing now, something gentle but insistent and Khun was still looking at his face, his long, buttery brown lashes, and no, wait, and he should shut his eyes too and he did. The darkness was terrifying, just Bam’s mouth and whatever Bam was doing to his mouth, and the stirring heat in him and he felt like he was falling, collapsing through the nothing and he grabbed on, Bam’s shoulders naked and warm. 

And then his mouth had nothing but air against it and he opened his eyes and inhaled the cold air, feeling jarred, clinging tighter, and Bam was looking at him, licking his lips like he could taste Khun, like he wanted to eat him up. 

Fuck, Khun thought distantly, still tingling, his skin hypersensitive against the cotton of his joggers, and Bam was looking at him, big ass pupils and Khun wondered what his eyes were doing, and Khun had to hold on to Bam. 

“Keep going?” Bam asked, so clearly starved that Khun had barely nodded before he was swooping in and it was a swoop, no doubt about it, it had the arch and the speed and the snatching, Bam’s mouth pressing against his, pulling, and Khun did it back, pressing and pulling, holding on to Bam’s shoulders for dear life, and it felt a little wetter between their lips and hot breaths washed over him and they kissed wider and wider and closer and closer until hot hands rested on his hips. 

Khun reared back, panting. Bam blinked once, What, and then again, Oh No, and Khun shook his head to reassure him, still oddly breathless. “Only surprised,” he said. 

“Oh,” Bam said, his mouth making a pursed, round shape, and his lips were pink, flushed and Khun knew what they felt like now and then somehow they were kissing again and Khun wasn’t sure who swooped that time, but now there was a mouth and teeth that pulled at his lip. 

A gasp rolled up through him and the hands on his hips tightened and he stumbled forward and—

It was something electric, the something-suspicion that had sat at the back of Khun’s head whenever Bam looked at him, that had made his heart race and stolen his breath in the stupidest moments. It was Bam’s chest, warm and naked and directly against his and it was all the electricity and racing heart rate and breathless lungs all at once, and his knees did something stupid and Bam was naked against his chest, hot and muscled. 

Distantly, Khun conceded that he may, in fact, be gay. 

At least he wasn’t alone, Khun allowed himself, damn near drunk on the way Bam’s hands were shifting on his hips, antsy and scraping over the skin, and they kept on kissing, Khun’s lips damp and aching. 

“I wanna, I wanna,” Bam panted against him, and Khun just Uh Huh’d against his mouth and then there was a tongue trying it’s damnedest to get in his mouth. 

Oh, Khun thought, and let it, and Bam’s mouth was sealed against his and that—that—his tongue against Khun’s, his hands kneading into Khun’s hips, his skin hot against Khun’s, and Khun was looping his arms around Bam’s neck and arching closer, and it felt good. 

“Khun,” Bam whimpered against him and Khun’s arms tightened around him and Bam’s hands slid up his back over his spine, locking around him and Khun felt like melting, his lips wet and bitten, and Bam was right there, more beautiful than Khun had ever seen him, disheveled and pink cheeked and red mouthed. 

“Can we—“ Bam panted, staring at him like he was the solution to every challenge the tower had ever presented. “Do you wanna—“

And then Khun got it. Bam was asking, again, how Khun felt. He was checking in. And Khun was already, as much as he hated to admit it, a little weak-kneed and flustered, but now his heart melted. Bam knew that Khun always said yes to him. He was giving him the opportunity to say no. 

Fuck. Khun was fucked. He smiled, probably soppy and pathetic and embarrassing, but Bam got the sweetest look on his face, earnest and happy and, and, and, Khun didn’t know, it looked like reunions felt, like hugs, like the best, happiest moments of his life, all in the breathless smile on Bam’s face. 

Khun nodded, out of breath for about eight different reasons and suspecting that it was about to be ten different reasons, but Bam’s smile flickered wider, awestruck, and Khun didn’t know how, out of the two of them, he was the one managing to inspire awe, but then Bam was kissing him again. 

Somehow it was as sweet as his smile, and Khun didn’t know enough about kisses to break down how that happened, but it made him feel like a cloud, like floating and sunshine and Bam was warm around him, strong, skin to skin, and this was going to be a problem, Khun could see, how all his thoughts went down a funnel once Bam put his mouth to Khun’s because now it was back to sensation, lips rolling against his, a stomach pressing against his, a hand shifting up the back of his neck, firm, into his hair, nails scratching against his scalp. 

It curled through Khun and his knees did the melting thing again and he hung on and Bam’s hand went firmer against the back of his neck and his thoughts, his thoughts, he couldn’t think at all, reduced down to the tongue dragging against his, the fingers at the base of his skull, the body against his, and an arm wrapped around his hips and then they were snug, mouths, chests, stomachs, and hips all touching, legs rubbing and Khun was trying to catch his footing, but it felt so good to be pressed up against Bam like this. 

There was some type of movement in what they were doing, led maybe by the kissing, a sort of swaying, back and forth thing, Bam’s mouth seeking against his, teeth and tongues, being held in place, and it just felt better to press and to squirm a little bit, to sort of roll, to—

Oh. Khun was hard. Heat exploded in him. He was hard! He pulled back, his cheeks and ears burning and Bam was just looking at him with big, earnest eyes what were only asking what was going on, and he was hard against Khun’s hip too. 

Khun looked at him. Bam panted, and the fingers stroked through his hair, and that was okay, wasn’t it? Bam blinked, sweet and guileless and still hard against Khun’s hip and Khun had never really put active thought to the idea of doing something like this with Bam, but now that he did think of it, it didn’t seem so odd that Bam could look at him sweetly while holding him perfectly in place and pressing his erection against him. 

“Do you wanna keep going?” Khun asked it this time. It only felt right. He didn’t want Bam to be the only one checking in. 

Bam smiled at him, all lopsided and sweet and his lips kiss-bitten. “If you do.”

If Bam had started by walking into the room and asking Khun if he wanted a tongue down his throat while Bam rubbed his dick against his hip, he would have—well he would have done a lot things, the primary of which being have a crisis, but now that they were already here, Khun found that it wasn’t so stressful. 

He smiled back. “As long as it keeps feeling good.”

Bam’s eyes went wide with determination and he nodded once and Khun realized with a feeling that could either be futility or anticipation that he had just issued a challenge to an irregular. 

Bam looked over his face, hungry, assessing, and then he met Khun’s eyes with the same fierceness he met a battlefield and Khun wondered if he should make a last will and testament for anything, his virginity, maybe, and Bam was kissing him. It’s been an honor, he thought nonsensically to nonexistent soldiers, and let his eyes flutter shut and let Bam do whatever the fuck he wanted, which seemed to be kissing him like he was pillaging, eager and deep and intoxicating. Hot skin rubbed against Khun, a chest, an arm against his back. A hand was questing lower, and oh, was he—

And Bam did, sliding over his ass. It spun up through Khun, that Bam was doing it, touching his ass, and god, he had no idea it was so sensitive, even the light skim aching through him, and Bam grabbed. 

Khun’s hips bucked and he didn’t know why but he had shoved his hardon against Bam and Bam squeezed again and Khun kinda did it again, like electricity or something, grinding against Bam, and he was panting into Bam’s mouth and Bam’s other hand left his hair and grabbed his other cheek and they were panting against each other, and Khun didn’t know who was doing what, he just knew that he was grinding up against Bam and that hands were pulling him in with every movement and Bam was moving too and Khun had never been so hard or felt so good. Their foreheads rested together, and Khun felt filthy and out of breath and Bam was looking at him up through his lashes, his hair trapped between them. 

A hand left his ass and before Khun could feel properly afraid Bam was regretting this, it was slipping down the back of his joggers and his boxers, directly against his skin. He gasped. Bam watched him intently, their movements slowing.  The hand slid lower, hot against his skin, wide, tingling, and his ass, Bam had looked at his ass, grabbed it, and now he was putting his hands down Khun’s pants, and sure, Bam was watching Khun carefully and Khun was absolutely certain that if he even shook his head, the whole thing would be over, but it really, really seemed like Bam wanted to fuck him. 

Sensation rolled over him, his heart beating faster and his toes curling. Bam bit his lip, watching him, his hand gentle against the naked skin of his ass, caressing, smoothing, down, up, down, and—fuck, it shouldn’t be hot, but Khun knew he was getting closer to his—Bam’s hand slid lower, scraping nearly over it, and Khun’s knees buckled. 

Bam’s eyes flew wide and he caught him, one hand jumping up around his waist and the one on his ass tightening, and Khun felt like an idiot, going visibly weak-kneed and he was still hard as hell against Bam. His head hung. How embarrassing. He had never thought too much about sex, but he had thought that he would be composed and maybe a little devious, the one who makes people go weak-kneed, not the one who has to catch themselves. 

“Are you—“ Bam asked against his ear. “Do you still wanna, or is this it?”

Khun swallowed. Yeah, he still wanted to, he wanted to so badly it was this close to overpowering all the shame and humiliation he was feeling, and Bam’s hand was still hot against his ass and his fingers were so close. Khun had done that at least, had heard about the prostate while at a stage of life where everything, including masturbation, had to be optimized and he had lied to himself every time before, during, and after about not thinking about Bam, and now Bam’s fingers were right there and maybe Khun wanted Bam to fuck him, too. 

“Khun?” Bam asked, worry clear in his voice and maybe Khun was broken but it was so sweet that somehow it made him want to grind against Bam and he didn’t think that Bam worrying should turn him on and yet here he was. 

“Um, yeah,” he said, so deeply preoccupied by the fact that Bam checking in on him was so hot and what that meant that he was completely unprepared for Bam to do it again. 

“Are you okay?” Bam asked and fuck. Fuck, fuck, fuck, Khun smiled to himself, feeling a bit like how it was before a suicide mission except it was just Bam’s hand on his ass, but the cliff he was about to jump off was all the same. 

He looked at Bam. 

Bam looked back, big-eyed, worried, hard against Khun’s hip, and waiting patiently. 

Khun jumped. “Yeah, we can keep going.”

Bam’s grip on him tightened, and it should feel like being caught except Khun still felt like he was in freefall, everything airless and giddy and he could nearly feel the wind in his hair when Bam’s eyes lit up. Bam bit his own lip and Khun wanted him to bite his instead so he kissed him, and Bam, sweet, brilliant man that he was, bit his lip. 

Khun’s arms tightened around Bam’s neck and the arm around his waist tightened and fingers dug into his ass and sex, they were going to have sex, and heat flipped within him and Bam kissed him, deep and wet. 

“Can we,” Bam breathed onto Khun’s damp lips, and Khun had thought they were done talking. “Can we get on the ground?”

The ground. Khun’s dick throbbed. Bam swallowed. On the ground. Laying down. That was—yeah, that was normally how people did this type of thing, all laying down and legs spread and naked and fuck, Khun ached, so hard it hurt and he could barely think and he nodded faintly, his head spinning and then Bam was pulling his hand out of his pants and sort of trying to lever Khun and Khun had never tried to lay down in tandem with someone else and it was a little unsexy, kind of awkward and Khun had to catch himself so he didn’t fall but he did get to take a look at Bam’s dick through his pants and that made a lot of things worth it in the moment. 

But then they were on the ground, the padded mats sinking slightly below them, and Khun was kind of leaning back and Bam was on his knees and it became abundantly clear from the awestuck and slightly terrified expression on his face that he hadn’t actually expected to get this far. And that? That was a fucking victory to Khun. So what if his knees were little wobbly traitors? He was lying down now, so checkmate, motherfucker. 

Time for his redemption. He could be something other than wobbly and embarrassing. He freed his legs and managed to get them outside of Bam’s legs, and that alone made Bam flush, and high on that, Khun looped them around Bam’s waist and pulled him down on top of himself. 

Bam shouted, catching himself right above Khun’s shoulders and that? That look of surprise, big eyes and gasping mouth, all right above him? Khun could get used to that. Bam stared down at him, his eyes still huge and Khun couldn’t help the shit-eating grin. Did Bam really think he was the only one who could do this?

Bam laughed softly, his hair hanging down, half falling out of its ponytail, and the shadow his body cast and being between his arms squirmed through Khun, and having his legs around Bam’s hips was going to drive him fucking insane. 

“What,” Khun taunted, a little giddy and wanting to fuck Bam and wanting fuck with Bam, “wanna keep going?”

Bam laughed again, watching Khun like he was seeing something magical happen, like it was the second floor all over again and he was discovering the soft serve ice cream machine. “Yeah,” he breathed and there was that swoop again, his mouth hot and wet against Khun’s, a tongue against his and Khun tightened his legs and there Bam was, pressed all the way against him, his dick right against Khun’s, his thighs shifting against the back of Khun’s and fuck, that feeling, Bam on top of him, rolling against him, the legs sliding against his—Khun clutched at his back, clinging tightly, arching up, needing more, hot skin scraping against his and Bam was grinding against him and he could barely pay attention to the kiss, clinging and holding Bam as tight as he could. 

And he wanted it, he wanted more, he wanted the gasp of it, the connection, he wanted to be fucked so he ripped his mouth away from Bam’s. Bam gasped down at him, but it wasn’t the gasp Khun wanted, and he was on a mission now, pushing at the hem of Bam’s pants. 

“Oh,” Bam said, his eyes widening, “oh, you’re—okay,” and he was sitting up and Khun could see the shape of him. His heart pounded and his mouth ran dry, his lips aching from the kisses, and Bam was pushing his pants down, his hips revealed, but he stopped right before freeing his dick, the fabric stretching around it, dark curls visible. 

Khun realized his mouth was open. It clicked shut and he looked up at Bam who was looking back at him, his eyes big and scared. Oh. Khun sat up, ran a hand along Bam’s leg, felt a little dizzy that he could touch Bam like that, and Bam’s expression softened and Khun felt a little dizzier still. 

“Do you,” Khun started, hard and aching and wanting Bam but hating the fear in his eyes. “Do you want to keep going?”

A breathless laugh escaped Bam and he let go of his pants. They stayed slung low around his hips and Khun shouldn’t be paying attention to that specifically, but fuck, he wanted to bite the skin there. “You got all—confident.”

Khun’s eyebrows raised. What did that mean?

Bam’s expression turned a little sheepish. “It’s a little intimidating. It’s like—“ He turned his head way, rubbing the back of his neck. “It’s just that I’ve never done this before.”

“Bam.” Khun leaned closer, looking at the curve of his jaw, his messy ponytail, trying to find his eyes. He slid his hands up Bam’s arms and Bam glanced over at him, nerves tight in his lips and around his eyes. Khun shrugged lightly. “I haven’t either,” he said. 

Some of the tension melted out of Bam’s shoulders and he fully met Khun’s gaze, and there he was, and this was going to be a little embarrassing to admit, but Khun figured he could trust Bam with it.  

“I want to figure it out with you,” he admitted. He didn’t like doing that with anyone normally, being vulnerable and visibly undereducated and caught on the back foot but Bam’s eyes were widening and Khun figured if there was anyone in the tower that he could be that way with, it would be Bam. He shrugged again, feeling helpless and smiling a little bit and not able to control any of it, none of the squishy, gentle, warm feelings that were rolling through him. 

Bam smiled back, looking just as helpless against it and it felt like Khun had the fucking sun in his chest, bright and burning and warm, and god, he was just fucking puppies frolicking through a meadow and he was glad Bam was the only one who was seeing him like this because he fucking giggled. 

Bam gasped, his face lighting up, looking enraptured and Khun was never going to trust the sunshine feeling again even though Bam was smiling at him so tenderly and oh, he was kissing him again, soft and sweet, a finger trailing over his jaw.

Slowly, Bam pulled away, and Khun followed him without meaning to, chasing his mouth and his trailing touch and then he looked up into Bam’s eyes and the moment was too soft and tender and Khun couldn’t handle it. 

“So do you want to take your pants off, or—“ he asked. 

Bam snorted, but then his expression settled into a kind of bouncing suggestiveness, and he was biting his lip and looking all lidded at Khun. He leaned in closer, a nose brushing against Khun’s, and that was hot, why was that hot, and Bam asked, “How about you take them off for me?”

“Uh huh,” Khun said back, still caught in Bam’s eyes and that Bam was so close, but pants, he could handle pants, and he looked down, and he could see the angle of Bam’s hip bones and the shape of his dick and giddiness jumped through him at handling something heftier than pants. He started by stroking along Bam’s chest, feeling the muscles he had only ever seen before, and glanced up, feeling coy and when Bam stared at him, stricken and his lips hanging open, feeling powerful. He kept it up, looking at Bam, looking at each emotion that slid through those eyes and Khun slid his hands lower, feeling warm skin beneath his touch. His fingers ran into  fabric and Bam gasped and Khun felt like the most powerful person in the tower and down his hands slid and down Bam’s pants went and darker went Bam’s eyes and Khun pushed his pants as far as he could, down to his knees, and he was still looking into Bam’s eyes, but he could feel Bam’s dick resting against him, and when he slid back up, it dragged against his skin, damp at the tip, hot, firm, and Bam looked like he was about to faint. 

Khun smiled against his mouth, feeling more pleased than he could remember being. “Your turn,” he whispered. 

Bam made an inarticulate noise and Khun wanted him so badly his toes curled. “Yeah,” Bam managed, hands cautiously alighting on Khun’s hips, and his golden eyes were dark and he was breathing heavily and Khun could tell he was barely holding it together and he had never liked it before when Bam broke, when all of his pain and fear gushed out, when every burning emotion that he knew Bam kept hidden was revealed. Khun hated that, he hated the people that tried to manipulate it out of him, he hated the people that made Bam go fierce and still, the people that turned Bam into the monster and god Khun knew he wasn’t. 

But fuck, feeling that trembling touch and seeing his eyes that dark and being at the center of all that simmering attention—Khun couldn’t fucking wait for Bam to lose control. 

And he was on the cusp of it, Khun could see, each exhale coming out shaky, the way he stared at Khun, his hands pushing the back of his joggers down, the cold air sweeping across his exposed ass, and Bam’s eyes fucking burned, trailing down Khun’s body, his hands sweeping around Khun’s hips and Khun watched Bam watch as he pulled his pants down over his dick, he watched the little breath Bam took when Khun’s dick bounced free. He heard the shuddering breath, and he took his own when Bam pushed his pants all the way down and their dicks brushed together. 

“Fuck,” Bam whispered, his head turned down and Khun couldn’t look away either, the both of them there. His, pale and red and almost painful with how hard it was, and Bam’s next to it, longer, and fuck, Khun had never felt like this before, never felt such nervous giddiness and greed and hunger and he wanted it and he didn’t know how it was going to fit, but fuck, he wanted to find out how. 

He glanced up to Bam who was still staring down. “So,” Khun started, his voice odd and a little shaky. “Did I get this wrong, or do you want to fuck me?”

Bam’s gaze jumped up to him. A rough breath shuddered out of him and fuck, Khun didn’t know how he was going to survive this. Bam licked his lips and Khun wanted that tongue all over him. “Yeah,” Bam said. 

Yeah. Fuck, he said yeah. Khun nodded, a little lightheaded, and maybe he would have done something smarter or sexier or more clever if Bam hadn’t spent the last however long it was systemically draining all the blood from his head, but all he could manage to do was flop down on his back, kick off the rest of his pants and say up to Bam, “Well, get to it, then.”

Bam had the look people got on their face right when they won the lottery: a complete and utter shock in wide eyes and open mouth and Khun felt like squirming and he wondered how he looked, all laid out and hard and his legs spread around Bam and Bam still hadn’t moved. Distantly, Khun remember lube. He still had some, back from his whole optimization phase, but he didn’t know where the hell it was in his lighthouse and his lotion smelled of basil and he really didn’t want to associate that with his ass, but maybe Bam had some Vaseline. He seemed like the type. He was the type of annoying person who could wash their hair with a three in one shampoo, conditioner and body wash and still look perfect, and—

Bam pounced. Khun tried to gasp but a mouth was pressing against his and a whole body was pressing against his and fuck, it felt so good, all the naked skin up and down and Bam was kicking the rest of his pants off and they were kissing again. A hand was rubbing up and down his side and hips were rolling between his and fuck, fuck, Bam’s dick was right next to his, hard and hot, and the short hairs were rubbing up against him, his balls, and fuck, maybe they wouldn’t need lube, maybe they could just do this. 

Some sort of noise escaped Khun and Bam pulled back from the kiss, his bangs brushing against Khun’s forehead and a moment had never felt more theirs, all this warm pressure and skin, Bam so close, these shadows between them, and Bam was smiling at him, breathless and wide. 

Khun panted out, “Got some Vaseline?”

Bam’s eyebrows went up. “How did you know?”

A light laugh escaped Khun and he was so unspeakably grateful that they could laugh during this. “I know you.”

The smile returned to Bam’s face, all crumpled and sincere like Khun was a miracle and then he dropped a little peck on Khun’s lips and sat up and started digging through his pant pockets. Khun watched, enjoying the view but more than anything, preoccupied by the little kiss. 

It was a sweet, thoughtless little thing. It wasn’t deep, and it wasn’t some sort of devouring passion, and despite them both being naked as hell, it wasn’t horny. It was a kiss, that if translated to words, could possibly, maybe mean Love You. 

“Here it is,” Bam muttered, then grinned over to Khun. Khun nodded mutely, incapable of speech. Bam bit his lip as he flipped the lid open and Love You, Khun thought, Love You like waking up in the morning and making sure to say goodbye before heading out, Love You like noticing dinner in progress and saying how good it smells, Love You like goodnight, like falling asleep together. 

Love You, Khun thought distantly, like how warm Bam’s eyes were as he looked at Khun and scooped some of the Vaseline out, Love You like the tender brush of fingers over his legs, down over his ass, and the breathless gaze they shared as the fingers slipped in between. 

And there the gasp was, escaping out of Khun as a finger pressed in. 

“Yeah?” Bam asked breathlessly and Khun just nodded, still incapable of saying anything. Bam nodded back, his cheeks flushed, and Khun didn’t know why he was staring exclusively at Khun’s face for this, but the finger slipped in deeper, moved in and out and, yeah, Khun had forgotten how this felt, but maybe he wasn’t remembering correctly, because it had never felt this good when it was just himself, but now each drag made his eyes fall shut and before it had always just been a buildup to the prostate, something to get over with, but now, each deeper stroke felt better and better, squirming up inside him. 

“You look incredible,” Bam said shakily, his finger moving steadily in and out. 

“Huh?” Khun asked, his eyes fluttering open. Bam swallowed heavily, and throughout his whole body, tension was strung tight, from his shoulders to his stiff arms to his jumping jaw and he wanted to fuck Khun, Khun could see it, could see the tattered self control and shit, he wanted it too. 

“You look amazing,” Bam rasped out and his dick was jutting up, red and fuck, that was going to be in Khun. 

“Another finger,” he said, his heart beating hard, wanting Bam right away but a little terrified at the same time. 

With only a lick of his lips, Bam obeyed, slipping two in, and the stretch made Khun take a breath, but he didn’t want to wait any longer. “Faster,” he urged, and Bam’s eyes flashed up to him. “I just want you to fuck me.”

The breath Bam took rolled through his entire body, his eyes widening and the fingers plunged in deeper. Khun’s eyes squeezed shut, the ache okay and he wanted more, Bam against him, over him, in him, and the fingers were sliding in and out, and he already wanted something bigger. 

He pushed at the hand and met Bam’s gaze. This was it. This was the last chance to back down, to pretend this had never happened. 

Bam just watched him, patient and starving and Khun thought of the peck and of the future. 

“Fuck me,” he whispered. 

“Yeah.” Bam’s voice shuddered and he was smearing Vaseline over himself and Khun laid back, feeling a little lightheaded again and his ass was strangely slippery and then—

A hand stroked over his leg. It did it again, and Khun looked up. Bam was looking back at him, all big, golden eyes, and Khun realized that it was a request. Something in Khun melted. He offered his hand and Bam took it, threading their fingers together, and maybe it was just because they hadn’t started yet, but Khun had a feeling that this was the moment that tied them together, Bam wanting to hold his hand and Khun letting him. 

And then Bam started. It was a slide against him first, and Khun couldn’t help the inhale, but Bam held his hand tighter and then Khun couldn’t help the smile instead. And Bam smiled back, most of his hair hanging free from his ponytail and Khun loved this messy, outrageous man, and Bam pushed in. Khun’s jaw dropped and Bam was still staring at him, biting his lip, and he was doing a little rocking thing, pushing in, pulling back, pushing in a little further and Khun could feel more of a stretch with every push closer until the head finally popped all the way in. He gasped. It felt—it felt like it should have felt weirder, but Bam was watching his face and holding his hand and going deeper. 

Khun’s head fell to the side and he gasped, the ache pressing wider and now, even when Bam pulled back, he was still inside, and it was starting to feel like friction, the drag, and Khun’s brows crumpled and he bit his lip and his fucking hips, they were meeting Bam and he was gasping, panting and he had never felt like this, so fucking full, split in half and he was moving to Bam’s rhythm. 

“You okay?” Bam breathed and Khun nodded, his mouth dry and he had never felt like this before and he didn’t know how to handle it, the twisting heat that coiled inside him, the insane friction of Bam and he had to squeeze his eyes shut, everything squeezing tighter in him, and then Bam slid deeper. 

A long sound that should have just been a surprised oh escaped Khun, and then Bam did it fucking again, deep and intimate and Khun made the noise again and Bam’s hand tightened around his and suddenly Khun hand was pinned down above his head and Bam was stretching over him and plunging deep as hell into him and his hair was swaying with every thrust and Khun made another noise, something whiny, but he couldn’t help it, not with Bam that deep. 

His head tossed back and sensation was arching through his whole body, Bam rubbing up against him, inside him and Khun moaned, his legs doing god knows what in the air, his toes curling, and it was so fucking deep and so fucking good and he throbbed, his entire ass hot and full and each thrust made everything all the better and he made another noise, a low begging thing and his head tossed to the side and he couldn’t control himself, not with the need burning inside him and aching and screaming friction and he was grabbing at Bam, he knew he was, anywhere he could reach, his back, his ass, and Bam’s head was next to his and he could hear groans and his own name and Bam was going faster and faster and fuck that meant, that meant, he wanted Khun, and Khun grabbed at his shoulder, electricity sparking up his spine with each stroke and he was moaning and Bam was slapping harder into him and he could hear it, them fucking, Bam groaning and him moaning and Bam’s thighs were shifting against his and his abs were scraping over his dick and his toes curled and his ass throbbed and clenched and he wanted more and more and it felt so fucking good that he almost couldn’t breath, just hanging on to Bam and then Bam groaned into his ear, grinding up against him, deep like he never wanted to leave, insanely hard inside Khun and something hot was in Khun and fuck, that was, Bam just came in him. That was Bam’s cum, and Bam was still groaning and grinding against him and Khun had never been so close to someone before and he was going to lose his mind that Bam had come, had come inside him, and he moaned, squeezing tighter, trying to grind back, wanting more, wanting to get fucked into the ground. 

“Fuck,” Bam wheezed and Khun moaned, pushing hard against his dick, drunk on the fact that he had come in him. 

“Bam,” he begged, holding him close, panting and hard, “fuck me, fuck me. Don’t stop.”

“Fuck,” Bam repeated, his hips twitching again, their bodies sweaty and hot against each other, everything a tangle of limbs and hair, and a hand was slipping between them, and it was around Khun’s dick and his entire body was singing, his skin sparking with sensation and his ass was full of Bam and Bam’s cum and this hand was stripping over him and his back arched and he moaned and a hand was on his hip, holding him in place and his chest was heaving and Bam was still in him and they were so close and he had never felt so good as that moment, pleasure cinching tighter and tighter and he was clenching down and his heels were digging into the mats and his jaw was tight and Bam jerked him closer and closer, the hand tight on his hip and it all fell over. 

He collapsed as he came, his own cum stripping over him, Bam swearing distantly, his heart pounding hard and his limbs suddenly useless. He lay there, blinking up at the ceiling, trying to catch his breath, feeling the strangest, bleary and relaxed sensation. He couldn’t move and he couldn’t really think and he didn’t really want to. 

And then Bam pulled out. 

Khun made a noise against his will, feeling unreasonably disgruntled by that. 

Bam fucking laughed. 

Khun couldn’t help the irritated groan, feeling strangely soupy and aching and he could still sort of feel it, where Bam had been in him. It still ached slightly, a bit like all the sparks hadn’t died down yet. He bit his lip and clenched down and yeah, yeah, that still felt nice. A long breath blew out of his lips and he twisted his hips some, trying to ease out some of the ache of their stretch. 

Fingers traced over his leg. “You okay?” Real concern threaded through Bam’s voice. 

Khun picked his head up. “Huh? Yeah, yeah, I’m fine.” His head dropped and he shifted his hips again, feeling his ass rub together, strangely slick. Cum or Vaseline? “I’m just—“ He shifted again and it felt more smooth than drippy. “Just figuring things out.” Vaseline, then? He slid a finger to investigate, and yeah, that was Vaseline on it. 

“And uh,” Bam started, his voice still tight. “What are you figuring out?”

Khun looked back up at him. Bam looked back, his eyes big and his mouth small and anxious, his hands playing together in his lap. Bam was nervous. Khun stared at him. Bam swallowed. Bam had just fucked his brains out and he was nervous. 

Khun flopped back down again, unreasonably tired. He knew he wasn’t the irregular, but he was still in good enough shape to handle something like that! Cool air blew over him, and he realized that he was sweaty, and it was fucking cold now. “Come here,” Khun said to Bam. “It’s freezing in here.”

Bam immediately crawled over and got on his side, scootching over, and that was so sweet that Khun couldn’t help the way he curled right up next to him. Bam mumbled back, and they didn’t really know how to cuddle, that was immediately clear from the way Khun’s shoulder seemed to be consistently in the wrong spot and Bam somehow seemed to have one too many arms, but one way or another, they ended up mostly touching and Bam had an arm around his waist, which was a spectacular development, and was resting his head on Khun’s shoulder. 

It was still cold as hell. 

“Fuck,” Khun said. 

“Are you cold, too?” Bam mumbled into his skin. 

“Yes,” Khun admitted with feeling. “I think there’s a reason why people normally do this type of thing in bed.”

Bam inhaled against him and when Khun glanced over, Bam was looking up through his lashes, a cute emotion that Khun had never really seen on him before, all shiny and happy. 

“Bam,” Khun ventured, feeling a little giddy, too, and he could feel Bam’s smile against his shoulder, “do you want to do this again?”

Bam out and out grinned, toothy and wide. “In a bed, maybe?”

And it was the sunshine in Khun’s chest again, the goddamn puppies and giggles and he just wanted to overflow with it, seeing the big smile on Bam but he wasn’t about to fucking giggle again, not if he could help it. Still, a smile tugged at the edges of his mouth and his defenses were this close to being overrun, he could just tell. “And—“ he tried, cautious and hopeful and some riotous emotion bouncy in his chest. “Anything else?”

Bam’s eyes went Oh wide and Khun had no idea what he just realized but he was sitting up a little and kissing Khun, pressing sweet and wet. He pulled away, leaning their foreheads together, and Khun looked at his closed eyes, at the long flutter of his lashes, at the sweep of his smooth skin. Gently, Bam’s eyes opened, looking at Khun like he loved him. “I just wanna be with you,” he said. 

And now the Oh breathed through Khun, heady and intoxicating, and Bam was still watching him, tender and waiting. “Be with me,” Khun managed, his heart beating hard, “As in…?”

Bam smiled, a little hapless and shrugged. “Whenever I’m with you, my life gets better. There’s a lot of times that we’re apart, but I’ve noticed that it’s you I want to come back to. I just—“ His eyes slid down and Bam drew little nonsense shapes on Khun’s chest, his mouth small and thoughtful. “You’re my center. I want to be with you.”

Love You, Khun thought, sound rushing in his ears, a little kiss here and there, Love you, “Like—“ He could barely breath. “Like making dinner together?” Bam’s eyes met his. “And, and,” Khun stumbled over the words, suddenly humiliated but unable to stop, “like, I don’t know, in the mornings kissing each other goodbye for the day and at night—“ And that was too heady to even propose, sharing a bed, falling asleep like this, but Bam was smiling at him. 

“Yeah,” he said, “like that. Like a home. I want us to be a home together.”

And Khun felt—he didn’t have words for it. It was something light and soft and fragile and easily broken. “Be a home?” he breathed. 

Bam nodded sincerely, his expression serious. “I don’t know where we’re going to go into the future or what’s going to happen. But I want you to be what I come back to and I want to be what you come back to. I don’t think we’ll be able to have a home that is a place. So I just want to be with you, where ever you are.”

And Khun couldn’t say anything. His words weren’t built for moments like this, for confessions and promises, but instead for manipulation and lies and senseless cruelty and greed and it felt wrong to use words stained in such things for such a pure moment, so he just nodded, his eyes stinging and something stuck in his throat. Bam’s eyes shone and a brilliant smile stretched across his face. 

“Yeah?” He traced Khun’s face, tender like Khun was the most important thing in the Tower and—

Khun couldn’t breath, just nodding back to Bam, the whole moment breathless and insane and Bam kissed him and Khun could feel his smile, the stretch of his teeth, and this is what Bam incandescently happy looked like, he realized, about to faint from it, from the fact that to Bam, to this man that was changing history every day, Khun was the most important thing in the tower. 

Khun held him, gasping, Bam tight against him, and he was this close to saying it, to saying I love you and never stopping, it all spilling out endlessly and he could feel Bam’s smile against his cheek. 

“Yeah,” Khun said, every movement of his mouth feeling like the words I love you. “Yeah, I like that.”