Chapter Text
It ends at a party.
The irony is that Will doesn’t even like that type of party much: he’s too used to the campfires and marshmallows of Camp Halfblood to enjoy getting drunk and dancing to heavily edited pop music.
But it’s a friend’s birthday, he’s received his letter of acceptance for college, and he has a long summer to spend with Nico in front of him. His drink tastes pretty amazing.
Life is good.
So he dances, socialises with people just well enough that his behavior can’t be mistaken for flirting, and shakes hands.
“Hey,” a voice says.
He can feel the weight of a new person next to him on the couch.
“Hey,” he replies.
He’s talking with a boy about his age. He has brown curls and a single blue lock of hair.
“You a friend of James?”
James is one of the few mortal friends Will has kept: it’s always been kind of difficult to maintain his relationships outside of Camp.
“Yeah.”
“How come I’ve never met you, then? I wouldn’t forget your face so easily.”
Will is somewhat aware that he’s not an unattractive person. Moments like this catch him off guard, but they are not too unusual.
“I live in another State,” he answers, a bit embarrassed, trying to figure out the right time to tell this mysterious, brave boy that he’s taken.
“I’m Jace,” the stranger smiles.
“I’m Will.”
Jace starts asking him questions and telling him all the embarrassing stories he’s missed about James in the last few years, and Will soothes the vague sense of guilt he’s feeling.
He’s talked with many people, tonight. Why would Jace feel any different? They aren’t flirting, are they? That first comment sounded like it, but nothing more.
He’s having a great time. Jace is fun, and puts him at ease. He’s also pretty.
Will can find another person pretty. It’s not weird.
He laughs at what Will says. So what if Will is a funny person? There’s nothing wrong with that either.
He’s having fun. That’s the point of parties.
There’s that spark of attraction, twinkling in the space between them, but as long as he doesn’t acknowledge it, it’s not going to be an issue.
When Jace gets closer, whispers “You’re really beautiful, Will, you know?” and kisses him, Will should have definitely seen it coming.
Jace’s lips are soft. His curls even more so.
They move in harmony, and their hands wander.
“You’re good at this,” Jace murmurs, when they separate, and Will shifts closer and kisses him again.
One part of his brain is yelling at him to stop immediately, and he can’t quite listen to it: he’s enchanted by Jace’s perfume and by his smooth voice.
But when the boy moves his hands in a way that feel much more intentional, and cheekily suggests going upstairs, Will’s consciousness comes violently back.
What the actual fuck did I just do.
He springs to his feet.
“I- I have a boyfriend,” he blurts out, lamely.
Nico is all he can think about. Nico is all he thinks about literally 90% of the time of any day, and he has no idea how he could fuck up this badly.
He’s occasionally felt attracted to other people, but never in the way that he would even consider acting on it.
And Jace is attractive, yes, but Nico is quite literally the love of his life, and no one has ever even come close.
Jace raises an eyebrow. “Well, good luck with him, then.”
The judgement in his voice couldn’t be clearer, and Will can’t blame him.
He’s never thought he would be the type of person to cheat (the word makes him wince) on his boyfriend at a college party.
Everyone hates that type of person.
He couldn’t have had a worse lapse of judgement if he’d tried.
He doesn’t have to be ashamed of how he’s acted after the ordeal, at least: he wished James a happy birthday, left the house, and he’s now spent the last twenty minutes pacing aimlessly, trying to decide how to explain his bottomless idiocy to the only person that matters.
Iris-messaging Nico is the hardest thing he will ever do, but the thought of keeping it a secret doesn’t even cross Will’s mind: he will confess, apologize and accept whatever response he gets.
He’s promised himself he won’t look for excuses, or whine and beg when Nico inevitably gets furious (and oh, boy, will he get furious): the boat has sailed.
Even entertaining the idea that Nico would be willing to forgive and forget (the Gods know he won’t), Will would loathe to put him in that position: he’s done what he’s done, and he doesn’t deserve shit. Not right now, at least.
With trembling hands, he tosses a coin in the fountain next to the apartment block.
“Don’t answer yet,” he finds himself praying, still. “Give me some more time.”
He doesn’t even know what for: to word it better so it hurts Nico less, to come up with an explanation so that it sounds less awful, to let himself stew and resign to the knowledge that the most important relationship of his life is about to be over.
Nico answers.
“Will?” His voice isn’t sleepy: it’s barely midnight, and he’s a night owl. “Are you all right?”
“Yeah,” he lies. His tone wouldn’t fool a child: he sounds like someone trying extremely hard not to throw up. “I’m fine.”
Nico shifts himself into a sitting position on the bed, immediately concerned. “Hey? Are you sick? Did anything happen?”
The conversation hasn’t even started, and he’s pathetically close to tears.
“Do you think- do you think you could come here? With shadow-travel? And bring us both back to Camp?” is what comes out of his mouth. He’s just realised he doesn’t want to end their four year long relationship with a stupid video call.
“What’s going on? Are you in danger?“
He turns away from Nico’s worried gaze. “I need to tell you something important.”
He hears an intake of breath, then the call ends and, one second later, Nico is in front of him, wearing only the Dracula pajamas Austin bought him for his birthday, his black hair scruffy.
“William Solace, you better have a good fucking reason for this.”
Will instinctively takes off his jacket. “You’ll catch a cold”, he murmurs, laying it on Nico’s shoulder.
The gesture makes his boyfriend relax slightly. “You’re the one that dragged me here,” he smiles. Will’s heart clenches painfully.
Nico grabs his hand. “Let’s go. And start thinking of a good excuse. You scared me to death, idiot.”
Another second later, they are in Nico’s cabin.
He’s presented with the most tempting option of postponing his confession and crawling into bed with his boyfriend, wrapping his arms around his waist.
You don’t deserve shit, he reminds himself.
“What did you need to tell me?” Nico asks, and all the courage he’s mustered is gone in a matter of seconds.
Nico doesn’t seem worried at all, now that he’s verified Will is fine and not being chased by monsters.
He probably thinks that his boyfriend is drunk, and that the “important thing he needs to tell him” is how much Will loves him and how cute he is, and that tomorrow they are going to laugh about how much of a dumbass he was, calling Nico to pick him up in the middle of the night as if something serious was happening.
Will would give anything for that to be his reality.
“I… I just wanted you to come pick me up. I missed you.”
Stupidstupidstupidstupid
Nico gets closer and kisses him. It feels so wrong. “You’re an idiot.”
He lasts two days, and it’s shocking that he does.
Guilt threatens to eat him alive every time he’s with Nico, and they haven’t even had much of chance to be alone, especially since Will is pretty much actively avoiding him.
He can only imagine how it will feel when they finally spend some time together… when they go on their first date of the summer… when Nico tries to go further than kisses… no, he must do it.
The evening of the second day since the Great Fuck Up, he asks Nico if they can speak alone, and leads him to Hades’ cabin.
“I need to tell you something.”
Nico closes the door behind him. “Shoot.”
It’s now or never, he urges himself. He owes it to him to be clear and honest.
“As you know, I was at a party, a couple of days ago” he starts.
Nico frowns. “Yeah?”
Will has never wanted to die more.
“I danced,” he continues. “And talked to people.”
“Will.” The first hint of worry colors Nico’s tone. “Where are you going with this?”
“I talked with a boy. We spent quite some time together.”
Silence.
Take the bandaid off, Will.
“And we kissed.”
The panic is immediate.
Is that enough? Does he need to tell him all the gritty details? That would just hurt him. Is he being dishonest by merely saying they’ve kissed?
He wants to take it all back. He wants to say more.
He wants to wake up in his bed the morning before the party, cancel on James and consider all of this a nightmare.
“More like, made out.”
Okay, now he can definitely shut the fuck up forever.
Nico blinks, emotionless. He’s not moving a single muscle on his face. “Anything else?”
Will has a second to be taken aback by the reaction before he processes the question.
The response he comes up with is as pathetic as him, but all is lost in any case, so fuck it.
“He wanted to go on, but I told him I had a boyfriend.”
“Nice of you to remember that.”
Nico’s voice isn’t as stable as Will suspects he wants it to be. He steps towards him, reflexively wishing to comfort him, but Nico takes a step back and turns sharply, hiding his face from him.
“Well, thank you for being honest. I think you should go.”
And he really believed, up until this right moment, that he could face Nico breaking up with him.
He wasn’t being malicious when he’d promised himself he wouldn’t try to convince him otherwise.
But the reality of it, of Nico turning away from him and asking him to leave and not wanting to see him ever again, hits all at once.
Any resolve to face his fate stoically and not beg for mercy melts like ice in the sun.
“I’m an idiot,” he whines. “I’m a total idiot. l don’t know what I was thinking.”
He can feel the tears in his voice. “Please, don’t ask me to leave. I’m so sorry. Please, Nico, you need to understand-“
“Understand?” Nico’s voice is a punch in the face. It’s never, ever been this cold.
“That came out wrong,” he tries, weakly.
Nico runs a hand across his face. All of a sudden, he looks bone-tired.
“Explain it to me, then.”
“I love you,” Will replies, and it sounds shallow, useless and false. “I love you so much. You can’t let one mistake destroy everything,” he grabs Nico’s hand and desperately holds on to it. “You have to forgive me.”
He knows before all the words are out in the open that he’s said the wrong thing.
Nico retracts his hand.
“I can’t fucking believe you.”
And if Will found his voice cold before…
“I am the bad guy for being angry that you cheated? I am the one who should think twice before he acts?”
Logically, now would be the time to make a run for it before accidentally-summoned zombies get in the picture, but Will isn’t really behaving in a rational way.
“No! No, that’s not… what I meant. Nico-“
“It seems like you’re doing and saying a lot of things you don’t mean, recently.”
Point taken in full force.
He is not an expert on the topic of apologizing for cheating, but he’s pretty sure he’s doing it all wrong. “Babe…”
“Don’t. Please, leave me alone. Just give me some time.” Nico sounds exhausted.
Will is certain that if he leaves this room he’s never going to come back, and for a moment he wants to start begging again.
But the picture of Nico with his back turned on him, his hands covering his face, waiting for his useless self to be gone so he can finally cry, slaps him back to reality.
“His feelings first,” he tells himself. “You don’t deserve shit.”
That’s going to be his new motto.
“I’ll go,” he tells Nico’s silent figure. “But the moment you want to talk about it, I’ll be right here. Whenever you wish, any time. I’m so sorry about everything.”
Later that night, alone with his thoughts, he has the clarity of mind to realize that any little chance he had of fixing his relationship has truly gone down the drain.
He could pretty much write a book about what not to say when you cheat on someone.
His newfound discovery of being a horrible person wouldn’t faze him this much, if it wasn’t coupled with the knowledge of having hurt Nico.
Nico, who has already been through so much bullshit and has always trusted him not to put him through more.
Will wants to bang his head against a wall hard.
We’re under the same moon, and I’m sick with that knowing.
-Steven Espada Dawson.