Chapter Text
Dean Winchester is saved.
Those were the words ringing in his ears as he flew through the stain glass window of the empty church. Dean's heart was racing as he hit the tarmac below him, his shoulder popping out of his socket with a sickening crunch. Quickly struggling to his feet Dean grabbed Sam by the arm and half dragged him to the Impala. Both of them were torn up bad and Dean prayed they'd make it out alive.
Half an hour later they were back at the motel, fixing themselves up as best as they could. Sam was sowing up Dean's arm, as the older man washed blood from his mouth. Staring into the bathroom mirror Dean's mind went over and over who they had met in the church. They had saved the girl Anna, the girl every demon and angel had been desperate to find. Dean Winchester is saved. Hearing those words coming out of Anna's mouth had sent a bolt of panic right down his spine. Words he had heard in his own mind that day he rose from Hell. Worst of all was the appearance of the one individual he hoped to never see again, Alistair. The mere thought of him made Dean break out in an icy sweat. Glancing back at Sam on the bed Dean felt an impending sense of doom, his heart racing like a frighten rabbit in his chest. He knew nothing stayed secret forever and his time down in hell was so close to being revealed.
Hell had been unimaginable from the get go. So horrendously painful Dean couldn't help but think about it every minute, of every day. Sometimes when he looked at Sam, he felt the floor fall away from him and he was right back there, reliving it all over again. You see, Alistair knows Dean very well. He took the time to know him inside and out, figuratively and literally. He knows exactly how he thinks and what gets under his skin. In hell Alistair had donned Sam's face when he came to visit him in the pit. The first time Dean had thought he was being saved, that Sammy had finally found a way to get him out, up until the fucker had started cutting into him bit by bit. The physical pain was nothing compared to seeing the one person he loved taking enjoyment from his unending torture. Later the Sam/Alistair thing would slowly and lovingly put him back together. It was with Sam's hard hands that he held Dean like he was something important, something worth loving. Slowly over hours, Sam's form would gentle his sobbing soul, shushing him with tender words and careful caresses. Then with questing lips he would bring Dean to the edge of happiness, holding him there until Dean's heart shattered because he knew it wouldn't last, knew it wasn't real. He pulled every fantasy Dean had ever had about Sam, every secret thought that he had lingered over would come to life in the dark, twisted depths of hell, and then they were shredded to pieces the minute Dean would let himself hope. In hell Dean would experience every beautiful and twisted thing he had ever wanted in life and then Alistair would tear it away from him. And now he was back here on earth, so close Dean could almost smell the brimstone. Dean knows exactly what Alister had planned for him now. Alister had spent forty years in the pit whispering it over and over into Dean's ear just as the first blade pierced his skin, what he would say to Sam when he hunted him down on earth, what he would do to him once he got him down to hell. How he would relive every single thing that had been inflicted on Dean tenfold, all while wearing Dean's face, the torture and the pleasure. While describing to him on the wrack how Sam might scream just as hard when the blade gutted him as when Dean's lips caressed him. Those had been the worst of all the moments, the hardest to bear, and now in this rancid motel room with his brother oblivious, Dean was reliving them all in vivid detail. Alister would not stop until he maked good on his promises, until Sam knew exactly what Dean had done down in the pit. Nothing could save him from it, he was far from saved and with a sickening certainty Dean knew that there was nothing he could do to save Sammy from it either. Dean would give anything to be back in the pit right now than have to confront the shame and disgust on Sam's face. For the first time in his life and even in his death, Dean truly felt doomed.