Work Text:
Day after day, the words on his wrist remained red.
Jungkook started working in a coffee shop as soon as he started college. He’d worked at one in high school too, back home in Busan, but with no success. Sure, he’d made some money to get him through college, and god knows he needed that money. But the words on his wrist remained a stark red.
Jungkook has two different lines on his wrist, and he wants so desperately for them to turn blue as the words are spoken by his soulmates. Soulmates. Two is unusual, but not unheard of. Yeah, he’d been teased about it in middle school, but Jungkook never let that bother him. How lucky he must be, to have two people out there who would love him unconditionally. Two people he could love with all his massive, underused heart.
There wasn’t much he could do about the one lower down his forearm, reading Is there something wrong? His heart twists a little whenever he reads it, knowing what it means. Knowing that sometimes, his throat closes up and he can’t get words out, and someday he’ll just be standing there, trying not to cry, choking on sentences, and someone will come up and say, gently, Is there something wrong? (Selective Mutism, his doctor called it. It’s gone away, mostly, except in especially uncomfortable environments.)
But the one closest to his wrist, he’s working hard on that. Hey, can I get some extra whipped cream, please? Jungkook figured it’s either a coffee shop or an ice cream parlor, and his gut said coffee so he went with it.
“You’re daydreaming again, Kookie,” Hoseok’s voice says, his hands shoving a cup into Jungkook’s. “C’mon, we have customers. Hot chocolate with whipped cream, let’s go.”
Jungkook freezes, looks down at the cup. But he didn’t hear the order said in person. He doesn’t take orders, that’s Hobi’s job. He just makes the drinks. He glances up, sees a cute boy who looks like he might be waiting for his drink. Jimin, the cup says. Jungkook starts making the drink, trying to hide his smile.
He finishes making the hot chocolate and Hobi calls out the name, because Jungkook could never yell out to a room of strangers, even if it is part of the job. Hobi hands him another cup and Jungkook focuses on his work, only occasionally glancing up at Jimin as the particularly cute stranger finishes his drink.
There’s a pause in customers, and Hoseok leans over his shoulder. “Who’s the lucky boy that’s got you smiling like that?” he asks, and looking at his coworker’s blinding grin, Jungkook can’t even be mad. He gestures as subtly as he can towards the boy.
“Jimin?” Hoseok asks, surprise coloring his tone.
“You know him?” Jungkook says quietly.
“Yeah, he’s in one of my dance classes. I should introduce you two, you’d totally hit it off.” Hobi goes to the same university as Jungkook, majoring in dance.
Jungkook blushes furiously. “N-no thanks,” he stutters.
They go to the restaurant next door after their shift is over, where the owner, Seokjin, always gives them dinner at a discount. Jungkook has tried to complain, say he doesn’t need handouts, but Seokjin always has a new excuse ready. To try some new recipe he’s working on, or in exchange for taking some home to Jungkook’s roommate, Namjoon, who also happens to be Jin’s boyfriend. Jungkook learned to stop trying to refuse.
Once they’re both served and are digging in with gusto, Seokjin plants himself in front of Jungkook, hands on his hips. Jungkook glances up, mouth full of noodles, and he’d be lying if he said he wasn’t just a little nervous.
“Jungkook,” Seokjin says. “I need you to do me a huge favor.”
Jungkook raises an eyebrow, continuing to eat his noodles.
“I accidentally bought too much meat last time I went to the supermarket,” Jin continues. “And then I got too excited about trying new dishes, so I cooked up way too much of it, and I can’t eat it all myself, so I need the two of you to help, and also bring some home for Namjoon.”
“Sure, Hyung,” Jungkook says.
“How do you accidentally buy too much meat?” Hoseok asks. “That’s right, it’s impossible. And we all know how much Namjoon loves your meat dishes.” He wiggles his eyebrows, his smile nearly blinding.
“We’re happy to help, but there’s no need to lie to us,” Jungkook adds.
Seokjin scoffs and starts babbling excuses, but there’s a telltale blush covering his cheeks as he packs up multiple to-go containers into a bag for Jungkook to take back to his dorm. Hobi just laughs.
Jungkook doesn’t take the food home, as he knows it’s not nearly late enough at night for Namjoon to be there. Sure enough, there’s hiphop beats thrumming through the door to one of the studios in the music department building. He knocks and opens the door quietly.
Namjoon looks up from where he and his best friend Yoongi are huddled around a computer. The music stops at a click from Yoongi and Namjoon grins. “Hey, Jungkook,” he greets. “What’s up?”
“Jin-hyung sent food,” Jungkook replies, hefting the bag.
Yoongi rolls his eyes. “That man is going to lose money because of you, Joonie,” he mutters. “He’ll lose his restaurant.” But despite his words, he takes one of the containers without complaint.
“How long have you guys been in here?” Jungkook asks, surveying the slightly distressed state of the studio, a few empty drink cans scattered on the floor.
“Uh, only a few hours,” Namjoon replies.
“Seven hours,” Yoongi corrects. “But we’re really getting somewhere. Wanna hear?”
Jungkook nods and Yoongi hits play as the older boys dig into their food. It’s phenomenal, just as their songs always are. Jungkook gives his approval and Yoongi nods his thanks appreciatively.
“You should come back to the dorm soon,” Jungkook says eventually. “Jin-hyung will get mad if you don’t get enough sleep.”
“Yeah, he’s such a nag,” Namjoon says, but his voice is fond. Yoongi scoffs. “I’ll be there soon, promise. And don’t give me that look, Yoongi. Taehyung scolds you just as bad when you wake him up by getting back late, and he’s just your roommate, not your soulmate.”
“Whatever,” Yoongi says.
Jungkook sighs, knowing it’ll probably be a few more hours, and grabs his stuff to head back first.
“Thanks for the food, kid,” Yoongi says without looking, already absorbed back into his work.
“Anytime,” Jungkook replies.
Jimin comes in again a few days later, smiling in a way that lights up his whole face, hand in hand with another boy. To his surprise, Jungkook doesn’t feel a jab of disappointment, just a bit of sadness thinks about how they’re both so beautiful and he’s so not. Not with his plain face and shaggy black hair, looking at Jimin with his perfectly styled pink locks, gazing up at this new boy who has eyes so deep and dark and enchanting that Jungkook barely manages to stop staring. Hoseok takes their order, and Jungkook tries not to listen in.
Jungkook doesn’t have many friends. He has Hoseok and Jin, and Namjoon is so kind to him and lets him hang out with him and Yoongi in the recording studio even when Jungkook feels like he’s just being a bother. He doesn’t mind, usually. But he can’t help the pang of loneliness that shoots through him as Jimin and his friend (boyfriend? soulmate?) wait by the counter for him to finish their drinks, chatting happily.
He glances at his wrist, the two sentences printed there in red. “Hey,” Jimin says, and Jungkook glances up, blushing like he was caught doing something awful. “Can I get some extra whipped cream, please?”
Jungkook’s heart stops.
He feels like all the blood in his body has rushed to his head, making him dizzy, drowning out everything until all he can hear is the pounding of his heart in his chest. On autopilot, he adds extra whipped cream, hands them their drinks even as Hobi yells something about not running a charity, extra whipped cream is 25 cents, doesn’t matter if Jimin is best friends with him or not.
Jimin just laughs and tosses a wink carelessly, not noticing how Jungkook practically shakes. He takes the other boy’s hand and they head to a table before Jungkook can even get a word out.
“Sorry, Jungkook,” Hoseok says. “I know you had a crush on him. Jimin just found his soulmate though. They’re cute, aren’t they?”
They are cute, Jungkook thinks as he watches the other boy smile a boxy grin, hears Jimin laugh over the sounds of the shop. He hides a smile and glances down at his wrist, where, partially covered by the sleeve of his shirt, the edges of a sentence are visible in a shade of pure blue. He feels like he’s buzzing. He’d never imagined meeting them both at once. His soulmates. His soulmates! What should he say? What if he can’t say anything?
Finally, there’s a break in customers, and Jungkook can’t help himself. They’ve already finished their drinks and it’s only a matter of time before they leave. He has to say something, anything.
He takes off his uniform apron and slips away while Hobi’s not looking and goes up to where two boys who he thinks he loves already are holding hands across their table. He thinks about what to say. He thinks about how if his heart beats any faster he might pass out.
He steps forward.
The other boy cuts off whatever he’d been saying. Jimin turns to look at Jungkook, expression irritated at being interrupted. “What?” he snaps, and for the second time that day, Jungkook’s heart stops. He tries to say something, anything, but the words are catching in his throat and he thinks if he tries any harder to force them out, he’ll throw up.
“Is there something wrong?” the other boy asks, eyes sharp, but he says it like Is there something wrong with you? And suddenly Jungkook can’t breathe.
He thinks, Oh.
“We’re kind of in the middle of something,” Jimin says. “So, if it’s not important…” He glances toward the door.
Jungkook looks at where their hands are clasped over the table and thinks, Oh, they don’t need me. Sees the way they’re both looking at him, like he’s ruined their first date, and he definitely has, and thinks, Oh, they don’t want me.
Thinks, There must have been a mistake.
Jungkook blinks twice to keep the tears back, swallows once to keep them down, shakes his head, and runs. He glances down at where the second phrase on his wrist has turned blue and he knows there’s been a mistake. There’s a mistake and it’s him, it’s him thinking that anyone would ever want him.
He manages to stumble outside, Jimin’s voice still snapping in his ears, the other boy’s, whose name Jungkook doesn’t even know, sharp eyes still filling his vision. He makes it to the alley between the coffee shop and Jin’s restaurant before collapsing, sobbing so hard he chokes on air.
After a few minutes of crying so hard black spots dance across his vision, he manages to pull out his phone and type out a text to Hobi, something along the lines of sorry, got sick, had to go. He can’t read the reply through his blurry eyes.
It starts to rain and Jungkook doesn’t mind. It’ll block out the noise of the rest of the world, and the icy drops feel good on his skin. At least at first. Then he starts shivering. He doesn’t know how long he sits there, shaking, trying to figure out where the fuck he went wrong. He settles on birth. That was his first mistake.
A door opens a few meters down the alleyway and light spills out from inside, making Jungkook realize that the sky has grown dark without him noticing as he sits there, soaked to the bone. He hears someone curse as they struggle with the dumpster.
Jungkook feels hot and dizzy and maybe passes out for a minute because when he can focus again, Seokjin is crouched in front of him, a concerned expression creasing his face as he lifts Jungkook’s chin with gentle fingers. “What are you doing, Kooks? How long have you been out here?”
Jungkook doesn’t have an answer. He feels like he’s in second grade again, unable to even open his mouth whenever he meets someone’s eyes. Jin pulls him to his feet and catches him when he stumbles, muttering something about stupid teenagers as he half-drags Jungkook inside and up to his flat above the restaurant.
Jungkook is only half-conscious as Seokjin runs him through a hot bath and wraps him up in towels and blankets until he couldn’t move off the couch if he tried. He’s never really gotten very sick before and he hadn’t realized it could happen so fast.
Jungkook tries to clear his head, tries to sit up, but then everything that happened comes rushing back all at once.
His soulmates didn’t want him.
His soulmates wanted him to leave.
His soulmates are beautiful and lovely and so perfect together it hurts, and there’s no room for him.
His soulmates don’t want him.
He doesn’t realize he’s crying until Jin is there, wiping away his tears. “Shh, Kookie, it’s okay,” he murmurs. “Tell Hyung what’s wrong. It’s gonna be okay, I promise.”
Jungkook just shakes his head and cries some more.
Seokjin wraps him up in his comforting arms and presses Jungkook against one of his wide shoulders, warm and gentle. “I called Namjoonie, okay? He’s going to come pick you up and take you home. I have some food for you to take home too, and you should eat it tonight, but if you don’t I’ll make sure Joonie feeds it to you tomorrow, understand?”
Jungkook nods and sniffles and tries to apologize for getting tears and snot all over Jin’s shirt. “S-sorry, Hyung, I-”
“Sh, Kooks, it’s fine,” Seokjin interrupts. “Can you tell me what happened, sweetheart? Do I need to beat up Hoseok?”
“N-no, he didn’t-” Jungkook takes a deep breath. “It’s okay, hyung. Hoseok didn’t do anything. I’m fine. Just...just tired.”
Seokjin doesn’t look like he believes Jungkook at all, but he gets up when the doorbell rings and lets Namjoon in, helps his boyfriend (his soulmate) bundle Jungkook into Namjoon’s car and gives them each a kiss (Jungkook on the forehead, Namjoon on the lips) before they go.
Namjoon tries to ask what happened, but at Jungkook’s almost complete silence he eventually gives up and just feeds him the food Jin sent. Jungkook doesn’t feel hungry, but he doesn’t have the strength to fight his roommate off so he just lets Namjoon do it until finally he complains that he’s tired enough times that the older boy lets him go to bed.
He clutches a pillow to his chest and counts his bracelets in his head, wondering if he has enough to cover his humiliation.
Jungkook knew he had to get over himself when, a month later, Namjoon asked if he was doing okay. He hadn’t been sleeping, since he could barely close his eyes without seeing two gorgeous pairs of eyes giving him twin looks of irritation. His friends gave him a few days after that night to figure himself out, and Hoseok bugged him about what happened but backed off quickly when Jungkook snapped at him. Then after a week or so, Jin began to grow concerned. But Jin is always concerned, so Jungkook just promised to go to bed earlier and didn’t think too much of it. He blames the lack of sleep for the way he moves between classes like a zombie, heaviness weighing at his limbs like he’d gained an extra hundred pounds. He should try to get more sleep.
But then, a week later, Hoseok took his hand as they closed up the coffee shop and looked him straight in the eyes and made him promise to tell him if there was anything bothering him. Jungkook promised, but didn’t say anything more. Hoseok is always overdramatic.
Even Yoongi glanced at him after one of the older boy’s new songs brought him to tears and asked if everything was okay.
(Nothing was okay.)
But then Namjoon, with his highest of IQs and lowest of observational skills tells him he’s looking pretty run down nowadays and maybe he should consider dropping a class? Or quitting his job? And now Jungkook knows that something has to be done.
He stands in front of the mirror, a new morning routine, and says “I don’t need anyone.” Says, “I’m doing great!” Then he pastes a smile on his face and stretches it til it looks natural. He also keeps a bottle of sleep aids in his nightstand, which help more than he’d like to admit and he doesn’t want to become dependent.
But all in all, he patches himself up quite nicely. He shoves his emotions into a little box in the center of his chest and tries not to think about them too much. And his friends stop asking if something’s wrong, so he figures his smile is doing the trick. And it all works, for a while at least.
When Hoseok texts him to meet at the campus Starbucks after Jungkook’s last class one day, he thinks nothing of it. They’ve hung out there plenty of times, near-regularly. But then he walks in, and Hoseok isn’t alone.
He walks in, and there are two boys sitting at the table with him, holding hands.
He turns to leave, already pulling his phone out to text an excuse, but Hoseok has already seen him, is already calling him over, and there’s nothing he can do.
He sits down stiffly, throat clogged, eyes trained on his shaking hands. A surge of nausea hits him, so strong and fast he almost runs to the bathroom. He shoves it down.
“Jungkook, this is Jimin, from my dance class, and his soulmate Taehyung,” Hobi introduces. “Jimin, Taehyung, meet Jungkook, my best friend and partner in crime at work.”
“Nice to meet you!” Jimin says cheerfully, and Jungkook glances up and glances down again, aching.
“Kookie?” Hoseok asks, and Jungkook manages to give his soulmates a tiny, strained smile.
The barista calls out their drinks and Jimin and Taehyung get up to grab them, together of course, fingers still intertwined. Taehyung. At least now he had a name. Yoongi’s roommate, if he’s remembering correctly. If only they’d met before, before Taehyung met Jimin, before they had each other and didn’t need him, maybe he could have said something, it could have been different…
But wishing would get him nowhere.
“Kooks, are you okay?” Hoseok asks, looking concerned. “Are you sick? You look really pale.”
Jungkook shakes his head. “I can’t talk to them, Hyung,” he manages, his voice sounding choked as it squeezes past his throat, which feels like it’s swelled up three sizes.
Hobi gives him an odd look, but nods. “Okay, that’s okay, I’ll do all the talking. But they’re good people, Kookie, you don’t have to be shy.”
Jungkook just shakes his head again, and Hobi rubs comforting circles against his back.
True to his word, Hoseok keeps the conversation afloat after the boys return with their drinks, and Jungkook never has to do more than nod.
Somehow, they become friends, and Jungkook hates it. Jungkook also loves it, and proceeds to hate himself for loving it.
He goes to all of Hoseok’s dance shows, because of course he does, and sometimes Jimin is onstage too. And Jungkook hates how fluidly he moves, how each of his kicks and gestures are connected so he can’t tell where one starts and the next begins, how his expression of concentration makes his jawline stand out just so, how his hair flips as he tosses his head. And Jungkook can’t tear his eyes away, even as he feels a phantom knife digging into his gut and tearing out his insides.
The studios in the music department are closed for a week due to renovations, so Yoongi and Namjoon pack up all their equipment and stuff it into Yoongi’s dorm, which is just slightly bigger than Namjoon and Jungkook’s. But Yoongi’s dorm is also Taehyung’s dorm, and whenever Jungkook comes over with Seokjin’s food, they all end up eating together, then it’s Jungkook and Taehyung, sitting far too close together as they both crowd the older boys, trying to see what they’re doing as they work.
“Beautiful,” Taehyung says one day, and Jungkook snaps his eyes up from his sketchbook and is lost. “You’re a great artist,” Taehyung continues, and doesn’t seem to mind when Jungkook says nothing in reply.
Instead, he sits down on the floor next to him and plops his own sketchbook down on the coffee table and proceeds to tell him all about the upcoming fashion show his class is designing for, how he has to design and collaborate with a team to create two ensembles with the theme Livin’ for the City (what does that even mean) in only one month, and the deadlines are killing him.
Jungkook watches him talk and glances at the older boy’s sketchbook full of half-finished but completely jaw-dropping designs and feels the phantom knife digging in his gut.
They’re at Starbucks again, Hoseok and Jungkook and Jimin and Taehyung, and Jungkook doesn’t know how this started becoming a regular thing, but he likes it. He likes it because Hoseok can just talk and he can just sit there and not say anything and memorize the lines of his soulmates’ faces. (And if he draws their portraits afterward, trying again night after night until he’s captured the exact tilt of Jimin’s head and the joyful glint in Taehyung’s eyes, that’s nobody’s business but his own.)
But then Hoseok gets up to use the restroom and Jungkook can’t say a word.
Then Jimin gasps, and they both look at him curiously, and he says, “I knew I’d seen you somewhere before! At the coffee shop where you and Hobi-hyung work, didn’t you come up to our table?”
“What?” Taehyung asks, confused, instinctively reaching out to put an arm around Jimin as the smaller boy buries his face in his hands.
“Oh my god,” Jimin says. “We were so rude! I’m so sorry Jungkookie, I didn’t know back then that you don’t like to talk.”
“What are you talking about?” Taehyung asks, arm still holding Jimin close.
“The day we met!” Jimin exclaims. “I was so irritated at being interrupted that I snapped at you. I’m so sorry, Kookie. I didn’t mean to hurt your feelings. You looked really upset.”
“Oh, yeah! I remember.” Taehyung meets Jungkook’s eyes and just like that, he can feel himself blush. “Sorry, Kookie,” Taehyung says, and Jungkook waves his hands to tell them It’s okay, it’s no big deal, don’t worry about it.
But it’s not okay.
But they don’t need to know that, and they called him Kookie, so it doesn’t matter.
But it’s not okay.
It’s Hoseok and Seokjin who come up with the plan to get them all together for a graduation party as the school year draws to a close. They’ve all heard about each other to some degree, but Hoseok hasn’t met Yoongi yet and Seokjin hasn’t met Taehyung or Jimin and both of them just have to have more friends. It’s baffling to Jungkook. Yoongi is the only one actually graduating, but Jin says that getting through another year of University is enough cause for celebration.
So Jin cooks up a feast while Jungkook helps Hoseok decorate Jin’s flat upstairs, with Namjoon delegated to waiting at the front door for the others to arrive because Jin doesn’t trust his design tastes.
Jimin arrives right on time and cheerfully informs them that Yoongi and Taehyung will be there soon, and Namjoon laughs because of course Yoongi wouldn’t care about being late to his own party.
Jimin and Jungkook help Seokjin carry the food from the restaurant kitchen up to his apartment. “Smells delicious,” Jimin says, and Seokjin grins, and Jungkook is pretty sure they’re going to be great friends. Which means that he’s going to be seeing Jimin more often. Then Jin cracks a terrible joke, and Jimin laughs, and Jungkook knows for certain that they’re going to get along perfectly. And Jimin laughs again at something Hobi says and Jungkook melts a little and tries not to think about how wonderful and terrible spending time with his soulmates will be.
There’s footsteps on the stairs, then the door bursts open and Taehyung is there, all messy hair and bright eyes and perfectly styled outfit. Jimin greets him shamelessly with a deep kiss, and Jungkook expects to feel nauseous but he doesn’t at all. They look so perfect and beautiful together that he can’t help but smile even as his insides twist painfully because they’re gorgeous and they’re not his.
Then everything changes.
Then Yoongi appears in the doorway behind his roommate, raises an eyebrow at the kissing couple, and says, “Fucking soulmates.”
Then Hoseok makes a strangled sound, says, “What’s so bad about soulmates?”
And everything stops.
Yoongi is wearing short sleeves, and Jungkook can see his tattoo change to blue.
They stare at each other for a long moment, then Yoongi takes a breath, says, “Everything,” and turns and walks out the door.
Jungkook has never seen Hoseok cry, but he hurries to comfort him now as Namjoon races down the stairs after Yoongi, almost tripping. He rubs Hoseok’s back while Jin holds him from the other side, whispering comforting words, and Jimin and Taehyung stand there, a little shocked, a little guilty.
“I-I’m so sorry,” Jimin manages. “We didn’t mean to…”
“It’s alright,” Seokjin says quickly. “It’s not your fault. Yoongi’s always been like that.”
But Namjoon doesn’t come back with Yoongi, and Hoseok doesn’t stop crying.
A few weeks pass as campus empties out for the summer. Jungkook doesn’t go home; he has a job and doesn’t really want to. He loves his mom and she loves him, but he can’t see her with her soulmate, he just can’t.
Yoongi doesn’t go home either, and Jungkook finds him holed up in the studios most days, doing nothing with the months off except music and sleeping and the occasional meal.
Jungkook gives him a few weeks to sort things out himself, but Hoseok still sounds lost and sad over the phone and Jungkook decides that something needs to be done, and he’s the only one there to do it. He can't fix his own problems, but he can sure as hell help his friends with theirs.
“Hyung?” Jungkook peeks his head around the doorway to the studio, finding Yoongi’s small frame hunched over his keyboard. “I brought food from Jin-hyung. Can I come in?”
Yoongi waves him in and takes the food but his eyes are far away.
“Do you want to talk about it, Hyung?” Jungkook asks after a few minutes.
“About what.”
“About Hobi-hyung.”
Yoongi sighs. “Sometimes,” he says after a long moment, “I think soulmates aren’t all they’re cracked up to be,” he says in his usual blunt way.
Jungkook can’t help but let out a half-breath laugh. “Yeah. Me too.”
“Sometimes I think that. And then I hate myself for thinking that.”
“Don’t say that,” Jungkook says, because he isn’t sure what else to say. “I’m sure you have plenty of good reasons for feeling that way. It’s valid.”
Yoongi shrugs. “I guess.” He lets out a breath. “My mom died when I was little. I was so young, I don’t remember it very well. But it wrecked my dad. I guess… I guess I just didn’t want anyone to have that much power over me. The power to completely destroy me.”
“You should tell Hobi-hyung that,” Jungkook says, then winces. Who is he to advise people on what they should tell their soulmate?
“Hoseok is an angel,” Yoongi says, like it’s a fact, not an opinion. “I don’t deserve him. I made him angry. Do you know how hard it is to make him angry? Taehyung told me it was impossible, but that was before he met me. I know I’m good at making people hate me but I didn’t have to go and prove it.”
“He’ll forgive you. You know he will.” Jungkook reaches over and takes Yoongi’s hand. “You’re good at making people love you, too,” he says. “You’re kind, Hyung. You’re smart and gentle and compassionate. You can prove that to him too.”
“What if I don’t want to?” But Yoongi doesn’t look like he even believes himself, as he says that.
Jungkook nods. “Your soulmate has the power to crush you, yeah. Completely. But soulmates also have the power to make you really, really happy. Isn’t that worth it?”
“I...fuck,” Yoongi says. “Fuck, you’re right. How? Isn't it too late now?”
“It's not too late," Jungkook says, and tries not to feel like a hypocrite. "Start with a gift. Woo him or something. Write him a song.”
“Yeah...yeah, I should do that.” He’s already clicking around on his computer. “Thanks, kid. You’re the best.”
“Anytime,” Jungkook says.
Somehow, Yoongi and Hoseok make up over break, and once everyone comes back to campus for the next school year, they’re all hanging out together regularly. Yoongi found a job at a small recording studio in the city and got a tiny apartment near the school. Jin practically begged Namjoon to finally move in with him, and when Namjoon protested that he couldn’t leave Jungkook all alone, Taehyung offered his dorm now that Yoongi graduated.
Because of course Jungkook could survive living with one of his soulmates without ever talking to him.
But Hoseok and Jimin are now sharing a dorm near the dance building, and Yoongi’s cheap apartment is one bedroom, and Jungkook has nowhere else to go unless he wants to room with a stranger.
He wonders for a minute if rooming with a stranger might be better than seeing Taehyung every morning with sleepy eyes and a bed head, but all his friends are looking at him expectantly, so eventually he just nods and moves in the next week.
They keep a group chat running constantly, full of memes from Taehyung and reminders from Jin to pack an umbrella or a coat and sneaky videos Hoseok takes of Jimin dancing. They hang out regularly, both in small groups and all together. Seokjin and Namjoon share the easy closeness they’ve always had, now even more in tune with each other now that they’ve moved in together. Somehow, Hoseok has always found a way to sprawl over Yoongi by the end of the night, and Yoongi just sighs and puts his arms around him without complaint. And, of course, Taehyung and Jimin being shamelessly and constantly intimate.
And it fucking hurts.
But Jungkook doesn’t say anything, because it’s also breathtakingly wonderful and lovely to see all his friends happy. And he doesn’t have any other friends, anyway. He might be completely and hopelessly heartbroken, but he’s not sad enough to cut himself off from everyone entirely, because that would just be too lonely, even if it would make him feel less alone.
Jimin glances over at him from where he’s sitting on Taehyung’s lap. It’s movie night, the film paused so that Hoseok can use the bathroom (he refuses to miss a second of it, in contrast with Yoongi, who has been asleep for 20 minutes) and the only thing on Jungkook’s lap is a bowl of popcorn.
“You okay, Kooks?” Jimin asks, and Jungkook quickly nods his head to say he’s fine.
Jimin and Taehyung share a glance, looking concerned, and something must have slipped through Jungkook’s mask because a lightbulb suddenly goes off in Jimin’s head as he looks at Taehyung, then at Namjoon (who is feeding a laughing Jin popcorn by throwing it and making Jin try to catch it in his mouth), and then at Yoongi (who woke up grumpily as soon as Hoseok left the circle of his arms).
“Do you feel a little left out, Kookie?” Jimin asks, and if Jungkook had to identify the most understated understatement he’s ever heard, he would choose that question. Jimin climbs off Taehyung's lap and Taehyung makes a little noise of protest, quickly cut off as Jimin grabs his hand and drags him along over to where Jungkook sits alone on a piece of furniture he’s pretty sure is called a loveseat.
“Don’t worry, Kooks,” Taehyung says as they make themselves comfortable on either side of him, “your time will come.”
Jimin throws an arm casually around his shoulders and Jungkook has never felt so happy and sad at the same time. Then he says, “Maybe we should set you up with a date or something?”
Jungkook shakes his head.
“Sure, okay,” Jimin replies. “Just let me know if you want to. I know lots of people I think you could really hit it off with.” He winks.
Jungkook feels the phantom knife twist sharply in his stomach. He tries not to throw up.
“Jungkook!” Jungkook looks up from his studying, alarmed, as Taehyung comes barreling in, arms full of cloth and lace and a spool of thread trailing behind him. “Take your shirt off,” Taehyung continues, dumping the pile onto the coffee table.
Jungkook, predictably, blushes.
Taehyung holds up a silvery-blue dress shirt with lace hanging loose from long slits down the sleeves and sides. “Please, Kookie? I ran out of time at the studio and I don’t have any mannequins here. It’s due tomorrow, please?”
Jungkook nods, fingering the hem of his hoodie.
Taehyung breathes a sigh of relief. “You’re a lifesaver,” he says, re-wrapping loose thread around the spool. He turns to face Jungkook again and stops short, eyes wide. “Damn,” he breathes.
Jungkook clutches his hoodie to his bare stomach, embarrassed.
“I mean…” Taehyung continues, “Namjoon told me you work out and stuff, but damn.” He hands the half-finished shirt to Jungkook, tearing his gaze away from the younger boy’s torso. “Here, put this on,” he mumbles.
He has to be careful about it, given the shirt’s unfinished state, but Jungkook manages to get it on. It fits well, and is comfortable in the completed sections. Taehyung attacks him with pins and a needle.
“Fricking...Hate this,” Taehyung mutters as he works up one side, pushing Jungkook’s arm above his head for better access. Jungkook raises an eyebrow, looking down at him. “I know, I’m a fashion design major. I love designing, just not… sewing, fuck!” he exclaims, lifting his thumb to his mouth and glaring accusingly at his needle.
Jungkook laughs. Taehyung looks up at him and breaks into a grin as well. “Almost done,” he says. “Thanks for this, by the way. Sometimes I have Jimin model when I need someone, but he’s just so small. You’re perfect.”
Something warm fills Jungkook’s insides all the way up. After several more minutes, half filled with cursing, Taehyung gets to his feet and steps back, assessing his work. Jungkook glances down at himself. The collar of the shirt is stylishly loose, showing a teasing peek of his collarbones. The torso is fitted, the lace accentuating the slimness of his waist and the muscles in his arms.
“Wow,” someone says, and Jungkook looks up to see that Jimin had come in while he wasn’t looking, and that the older boy’s eyes were now looking him up and down, his lips parted. “You look hot, Jungkook,” Jimin says hoarsely.
“I know, right?” Taehyung replies.
“Great work, Tae,” Jimin says, moving to kiss Taehyung. Jungkook looks away, feeling his insides twist even as his face flushes. God, he’s such a mess, why can’t he just get over himself already? Jimin and Taehyung will never be his, and he just needs to accept that.
“It really looks good on him, doesn’t it,” Taehyung says. “I should have Kookie model more often.”
Jungkook is just finishing his landscape watercolor unit final when he smells something burning. He sets down his stuff quickly and hurries to the dorm’s small mini-kitchen, where he finds Taehyung, surrounded by pots and utensils and smoke.
“Shit,” Taehyung mutters, turning off the stove and shoving something that might have been food once into the sink. “Shit, I knew I should have asked Seokjin for help, shit!”
Jungkook giggles, making Taehyung look up.
“Are you laughing at me, Jeon Jungkook?” Taehyung exclaims. “Because I can’t handle that behavior right now, when Jimin is coming over in…” he glances at his watch, “shit, 15 minutes, and I don’t want to order food again.”
Taehyung looks up at him with a pout and Jungkook can’t help but go over and pat him on the head comfortingly. Then he dumps the pots stuck with unidentifiable matter in the sink and sweeps the mess on the counter to one side. He rolls up his sleeves, opens the small fridge, and sets water to boil on the stove.
Before long, a mouth-watering smell is replacing the smoke scent in the kitchen and Jungkook has Taehyung chopping vegetables on the counter. It’s not Seokjin’s cooking, but he’s pretty sure Jimin won’t mind.
They finish in the nick of time, as Jimin walks in with flowers and a big, beautiful smile. Taehyung explains with a blush that he really tried his best to cook something nice, but organic material really isn’t his forte, so Jungkook had to step in. Jimin thanks him sweetly and Jungkook has a momentary lapse in self-control, pulling each of them into a hug before heading to the door to leave the happy couple alone for the night.
He glances back at them as he slips his shoes on. Jimin reaches over to tuck a bit of Taehyung’s hair behind his ear as he talks, and his sleeve rides up and the words are there, half blue and half red. Jungkook’s too far away to read them but it still hurts because he doesn’t know what the blue ones say, he doesn’t know what they said to each other, how they reacted. Whether or not they talked that day at the cafe about the red line they each have. Their second soulmate. He wonders if they told each other, it doesn’t matter, we’re happy. We don’t need more.
But Jungkook wasn’t there to see any of that, and there will never be room for him between them. They’re happy. They don’t need more.
But sometimes, occasionally, they do need him, just a little. Once, Jimin calls him, drunk at a party, and babbles long enough for Jungkook to figure out where he is and come pick him up. He takes him back to Jimin and Hoseok’s dorm, rubs his back while he throws up, and makes him breakfast in the morning.
Once, Taehyung comes in late at night with tear tracks down his cheeks and design sketches in his hand marked with an F and covered with critiques in a harsh red pen. He drops his stuff by the door, changes his clothes, washes his face, and climbs into Jungkook’s bed.
Jungkook isn’t sure what to do until Taehyung whispers, “Please hold me,” and Jungkook does. Taehyung cries some more into his shoulder as Jungkook squeezes him closer.
“I shouldn’t care so much,” Taehyung whispers, and Jungkook shakes his head because of course he should, Taehyung wouldn’t be Taehyung if he didn’t care so much. “But I just… I worked so hard and it’s never enough…”
Jungkook kisses the top of Taehyung’s head before he can stop himself. He listens to the older boy’s breathing until it evens out in sleep, then waits a bit longer just to be safe. Then he whispers into the darkness, “You’re enough.” Then he wishes he could look Taehyung in the eyes and say those words, wishes they would want him, wishes he could be enough for them.
So Yoongi isn’t going home for Christmas, because his dad is busy and didn’t ask him to, and Yoongi’s not sure if he would go even if he had.
Namjoon isn’t going home because he’s not going anywhere without Seokjin, and from what Namjoon once told him late one night when they were both sharing personal things, he once tried to take Jin home but his parents didn’t react well. It doesn’t make much sense to Jungkook, because they’re soulmates so how could they ever be wrong or bad? But people still think certain kinds of love are evil despite all evidence to the contrary. Jungkook doesn’t much like Namjoon’s parents.
Seokjin isn’t going home, to stay with Namjoon, but they’ll both go to visit his family for New Year's to make up for it.
Hoseok isn’t going home either, and Jungkook thinks it has something to do with the words on his arm that are now blue, and Yoongi who probably isn’t ready to meet parents. They’re doing great together, but they still have a few things to work out. Long-held beliefs like the way Yoongi thought about soulmates all his life don’t just go away overnight. So they’re taking their time.
Which leaves Jungkook, calling his mom to ask what she wants him to do.
“Jungkook?”
“Hi, Mom.”
“How are you, sweetie?”
“I’m doing good,” Jungkook says, and he glances down at the words on his wrist in blue, but doesn’t say anything more.
“What's up, kiddo?”
“Just wondering what your plans are for Christmas.”
“Oh! I was going to call you, but I totally forgot. Jaebeom and I are going to Japan! He planned this whole getaway for us, it was so thoughtful of him. Your gifts are already in the mail, you should get them soon.”
Jaebeom, his mother’s soulmate, brought to her life everything she wanted: love, happiness, even money. He gave her everything Jungkook had never quite managed to provide enough of. He wasn’t even Jungkook’s father.
“Oh. Have fun.” Dating before meeting your soulmate is usually just for sex. Sex usually isn’t intended to make kids.
“Call me if they don’t arrive within the next couple days, okay? Love you!”
“Love you too.” Jungkook is loved, but he wasn’t intended.
Jungkook was a mistake.
Oh, and Jimin and Taehyung are going home. First to Taehyung’s for Christmas and then to Jimin’s for New Year’s. To introduce each other to their parents.
Jungkook was a mistake.
Jungkook gets extra hours at the coffee shop and spends so much time drawing he uses his charcoal set down to nubs. He catches up on sleep and tries not to think about how much it will suck to spend Christmas alone.
He could go to Seokjin and Namjoon, who are hosting a party for themselves and Hoseok and Yoongi. But they sort of assumed he was going home, and he never corrected them. He doesn’t want to impose, and he definitely doesn’t want to spend Christmas fifth-wheeling.
He figures single-wheeling (unicycling?) is the best option for everyone.
So he stays in his dorm, now much emptier and quieter without Taehyung, sleeps a lot, plays videogames, and tries not to feel sorry for himself.
He’s several hours into an evening Overwatch session after working all morning Christmas Eve when his phone rings, Hoseok’s face popping up on the screen. Jungkook picks up tentatively.
“Hobi-hyung?”
“Hey, Kooks. How did you get home to Busan, train?”
Jungkook freezes. “Why?”
“I could’ve sworn I saw your car outside the coffee shop when I was headed to Jin’s earlier today. Just wanted to make sure it wasn’t stolen or something.”
“Oh, uh, that’s really nice of you, but it must have been someone else’s car. Mine’s right outside.” It’s not a lie, not really.
“Awesome, I was worried. How’s your vacation been?”
“Pretty good, seeing family is good,” Jungkook answers, a little stiffly. He feels like something is trying to crawl up his throat. He swallows. “I’ve been, um, drawing and stuff.”
“That’s what you’re always doing, Kooks. Relax a little, yeah? Enjoy yourself.”
“I-” Jungkook clears his throat. “I am.”
“Kookie? Is something wrong?”
“N-no, I…” Jungkook trails off. He’s sitting in a dark room, alone on Christmas Eve, the gifts his mother and her soulmate sent him laying unopened by the door, and he’s trying to lie to his best friend. He takes a few quick, deep breaths. “I’m fine. I’m great. Enjoying myself, yeah.”
“Jungkook, where are you?”
“Home.”
“Are you lying to me?”
“N-no.”
“Kookie, are you still in your dorm?”
Jungkook lets the phone fall into his lap as he puts his head in his hands and cries. He can’t even let his friends have a nice Christmas Eve without breaking down and crying about how lonely he is. Cry-baby, he thinks. What a bother, what an annoyance to everyone. Fuck-up. Mistake.
Hoseok finds him like that. He doesn’t try to make Jungkook talk for the first few minutes, just turns on the lights and turns off Jungkook’s game and wraps him up in a warm hug. “Shhh,” he says softly, pulling Jungkook closer. “Just let it out. Let it out, and then you can tell Hyung what’s wrong, okay?”
“D-didn’t...didn’t want to b-bother,” Jungkook manages to sniffle out.
“Yeah, well, it wouldn’t have been a bother at all if you’d just said you wanted to come over to Jin-hyung’s for Christmas instead of letting us think you were going home.”
“Sorry.” Jungkook wipes his face.
“Jin-hyung’s gonna kill you, you know that, right?”
“Thanks for coming over, Hobi-hyung,” Jungkook says. “But I’m okay. I really don’t want to interrupt.”
He glances up to see Hoseok looking at him, an indecipherable expression crossing his face. “Jungkook,” he says, very carefully. Enunciated, like he’s trying to make sure Jungkook understands. “The only reason you’re not squished between Yoongi and I on Jin’s dumb pink couch with a mug of his mint hot chocolate in your hands, listening to Namjoon’s new take on the dichotomy of good and evil right now is because we thought you were going home. That’s the only reason. You’re our friend, Kooks...no, you’re family, and you are going to spend Christmas with us.”
Seokjin does try to kick his ass for misleading them, but Namjoon holds him back while giving an impromptu dissertation on the slim line between lying and omitting truths and how honest communication is vital to the success of any relationship.
Once he’s squished between Hoseok and Yoongi on the pink couch with a mug of mint hot chocolate, Yoongi asks with surprising gentleness why he hadn’t gone home. And Jungkook explains softly that he loves his mother, and she loves him, but she has a soulmate. Jaebeom is kind, but they’re soulmates, in the same perfect way that Namjoon and Seokjin are soulmates, the same perfect way Yoongi and Hoseok are, and Taehyung and Jimin.
His friends, his wonderful friends, do their best to understand. They make sure that Christmas is wonderful, and they all already had gifts for him that they had planned to give him later. On Christmas day, Yoongi takes him back to his dorm long enough to grab his sketchbook, which contains his gifts for the others.
“Oh,” Seokjin says softly. “It’s beautiful.” He reaches out to touch the drawing, then hesitates with his fingers just centimeters above it, as if afraid of touching it.
“Of course it’s beautiful,” Namjoon says, eyes bright as he holds his own portrait gently. “It’s you.” It is, and it isn’t. Jungkook spent weeks on those drawings, perfecting the lines of each of his friends’ faces. The portraits are made completely out of words, sentences penciled so thin some of them are hard to read without a magnifying glass, phrases curving to form jawlines, bunching and twisting to make the shadows around eyes.
“God, do I really call you ‘kid’ this often?” Yoongi asks, squinting as he reads the lines.
“All the words are things you’ve said,” Jungkook replies with a little grin. “Hyung, It’s okay, I like it－”
He’s cut off as Hoseok tackles him from the side, his drawing set safely on the coffee table before assaulting Jungkook. “I love it!” he exclaims.
“Hyung,” Jungkook gasps, “Hyung, I can’t breathe…”
Hoseok loosens his grip, but only slightly. “Such a sweetheart, my Jungkookie!” he says.
“I’m not yours, Hyung,” Jungkook whines, but there’s no bite to it.
“Really though, thanks, Kid,” Yoongi says.
“Come on, everyone, stop smothering him,” Seokjin cuts in. “Let’s have some lunch, yeah?”
Soon It’s the new year, and Jimin and Taehyung return, full of smiles and shared memories. Jungkook gives them their drawings too, and is pleasantly surprised to find that they had gifts for him as well. Taehyung gives him the shirt he made for class, the one he had Jungkook model, and says it wouldn’t look as good on anyone except him. Jimin complains about being the only artist who can’t use his work as gifts, but the set of earrings he gives Jungkook are delicate and thoughtful and exactly Jungkook’s style.
They start classes again, and soon everyone is back in the groove. Jungkook and Hoseok work at the coffee shop and go next door to eat at Seokjin’s afterward, listening to him complain about how Namjoon always gets home late. Yoongi works equally hard at the little studio in the city, but he can be found napping in the corner of the practice rooms in the dance building whenever Hoseok’s there, often with Jimin as well. Many nights, Jimin comes to Taehyung and Jungkook’s dorm, stretching his already flexible limbs in the tight floorspace while Jungkook draws or paints at the table and Taehyung writes papers on recent and historical fashion industry trends.
Sometimes Jungkook thinks about telling them. Even though he knows it’s stupid, even though he knows it would only hurt him more. (He’s not sure how much more hurt he can take. How many more times he can be called unwanted before he breaks.) But still, sometimes he thinks about it.
And then one time, he’s hanging out with Yoongi, drawing while the older boy writes, and then Yoongi gets a text and he checks his phone and his eyes soften in that way they only do for only one person. And Jungkook thinks about it.
He glances over to the kitchen, where Taehyung and Jimin are cleaning up after lunch. Jimin’s sleeves are rolled up as he washes dishes. As Jungkook watches, Jimin sighs, turns off the water, and gazes at his wrist for a long moment.
“I can’t stop thinking about him,” Jimin says, and Jungkook feels a jolt. Him. They’re talking about him.
Then Taehyung turns and takes Jimin’s hand in his larger ones, and says, so very gently, “It’s better this way.” He presses a soft kiss to Jimin’s hairline.
Jungkook turns back to his sketch, eyes stinging. He’s shaking too badly to put his pencil back to the paper.
Jungkook loves Jimin. Loves watching him dance, like his body is finely controlled water. Loves it when he laughs, the way he throws his whole body into it, falling into whatever’s nearest, whether it be furniture or person. Usually it’s Taehyung, and Taehyung just catches his boyfriend and holds him until he regains control of his body and looks down at him with eyes so full of love that every time he sees it, something inside of Jungkook hollows out just a little more.
Jungkook loves Taehyung. Loves his smile and his messy hair, the way he sometimes blinks up at one of them with sleepy eyes and gives them the answer to whatever issue has had them stressing out for two days. Loves his deadpan sense of humor that has Jimin cackling until Taehyung breaks and cracks a smile too. Loves the way he looks at the world, the way he sees all the colors the way only an artist can, the way he does everything so carefully so that even setting the table will be perfectly designed and coordinated.
Jungkook knows it’s a mistake to watch them together, knows that all it does is rip up his heart a little more. But god, they’re just so perfect and in love. They’re perfect and in love and they don’t need him and Jungkook was already falling apart but now he’s dying.
So, Jungkook goes on a date. It’s spring again, exactly one year after he met his soulmates, and he needs to get them off his mind. He’s at the end of the line, now. Ignoring them didn’t work, and neither has time, and neither has anything he’s tried telling himself to make himself fall out of love. So he texts Taehyung, because Taehyung knows everyone, and has him find a match for Jungkook.
It’s nothing, really. Nothing happens.
The boy is sweet and maybe a little too pushy but what’s the point of dating before meeting your soulmate except sex?
And Jungkook feels sick the whole time, and finally excuses himself quietly when he just can’t stand it anymore. He barely touched his food. He apologizes and goes to the bathroom and throws up. Then he goes back to his dorm.
Taehyung opens the door, looking concerned. “Jungkook?” he asks. “I thought you had a date? Did it not turn out well? Are you okay?”
Jungkook shakes his head the same way he did one year ago when Taehyung looked at him with those same enchanting eyes and said, Is there something wrong?
Taehyung steps to the side, letting him in. “Jimin’s here right now, just so you know,” he says. “What happened? Can I get you anything?”
Jimin. Of course Jimin is here. For a moment Jungkook thinks about shaking his head again and leaving, but he’s so tired, and where would he go? He’s so, so tired and he wants to see Jimin’s eyes, wants to hear him laugh. He steps inside.
He collapses onto the couch next to Jimin while Taehyung goes to make some tea, and immediately Jimin’s arms are around him and just like that he starts to cry, because this feels so right after months and months of everything being wrong.
Stupid, he thinks. Crybaby. Fuck-up. Mistake.
Jimin’s voice is caring and gentle as he asks, “What happened, Jungkookie?” And it’s like Jungkook’s been punched in the gut. He tries to say something and chokes on air and tears.
Taehyung comes back with the tea and Jungkook stops crying as he drinks it. (It’s a childcare technique he read about somewhere, to make them stop crying. Give them something to drink, because they can’t cry and drink at the same time. Stupid. Crybaby.)
“I know you don’t like to talk, but it’s just us, Jungkook,” Jimin says. “We’re your friends too, okay? Just tell us what happened, we want to help.”
What happened?
A year ago, Jungkook met his soulmates.
He saw them holding hands across the table and realized there was no room for him.
That he was a mistake.
That’s what happened.
His phone buzzes with a text from his date, and Jungkook almost chucks it into the nearest wall. He settles for tossing it to the floor.
“We’re the ones who set you up on this date, Kooks,” Taehyung says, and the nickname makes him shiver. “Please, just talk to us. I feel awful.”
Jungkook opens his mouth, and nothing comes out.
“Please, Kooks,” Jimin adds. “Maybe this isn’t the best time, but we’ve been meaning to talk to you about this. We care about you, just as much as Yoongi-hyung and Hobi-hyung and everyone else. It just… it really hurts that you still can’t talk to us.”
Jungkook puts down his tea, a sour taste suddenly filling his mouth.
“I get that it’s hard for you,” Taehyung says. “But you can trust us. Is this still about when we met at the coffee shop? I’m so sorry we were rude, Kooks, but we apologized, it was a mistake. Please, Kookie. Just tell us what’s wrong so we can help you.”
Jungkook shudders. Tries to say something. Fails. The next best option is to run, so he stands, and Taehyung grabs his arm to try to stop him, fist bunching his sleeve, and Jungkook shakes his head, tries to shake him off.
He’s thrashing but Taehyung’s hold on his sleeve is firm, and he’s saying something but Jungkook can’t hear it, can’t look at him or else he’ll get lost in those eyes.
His sleeve rips and Jungkook pulls away before realizing that it’s that arm and his words are showing, a pure, calming blue.
“You-you’ve met your soulmate?” Jimin stutters out, eyes wide. “Jungkook, why didn’t you-”
But of course he hadn’t told them.
He hasn’t told them anything.
He’s never said a word.
Jungkook feels something inside him break.
“I’m sorry I came up to you that day,” he says. “It was a mistake.”
Taehyung’s eyes go wide and Jimin collapses back onto the couch as his knees give out.
“It’s not about back then in the coffee shop,” Jungkook continues. He can’t meet their eyes, or else his throat will clog up again. “You guys are perfect together. You don’t need me. I...I heard you a few days ago, in the kitchen, and I think you’re right, Taehyung. It is better this way.”
Taehyung makes a choked noise.
“I’m sorry for interrupting, again,” Jungkook says. He feels hot and cold all over, just like when Jin had dragged him out of that alley in the rain after his heart was broken for the first time. “I’ll go now. I know when I’m not wanted.”
Jungkook runs, even as he hears Jimin cry out behind him. He’s running again, just as he did one year ago, but this time Jungkook’s not crying. He wonders if he ran out of tears. Out of emotions. The sky is already darkening, but Jungkook can’t bring himself to care. He runs without thinking about where he’s going, runs and runs until he can’t run anymore.
Then he collapses against a wall in an alley and finds out that he hasn’t run out of tears yet after all.
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Taehyung takes a few minutes to collect himself, then calls Yoongi. Jimin is already crying, and Taehyung is close. Why hadn’t Jungkook told them?
But, of course he hadn’t said anything.
They hadn’t given him a chance to.
Yoongi only answers after Taehyung calls a second time. “This better be important,” he snaps, and Taehyung hears rustling sheets and Hobi’s voice in the background.
“It is, Hyung,” Taehyung says quickly. “It’s Jungkook, he’s…” He takes a breath. “If he was really upset, do you have any idea where he might go? If he’s not with you?”
“Jungkook?” Yoongi’s voice is instantly alarmed. “He’s not here, hasn’t even called. What happened? Have you tried Jin and Namjoon?”
“They’re on a date, downtown,” Jimin’s voice says from behind him, and Taehyung turns to see his boyfriend clutching his phone so hard his knuckles are white, the bluish light from the device shining on his wet face.
“They’re not home right now, they’re in the city,” Taehyung reports to Yoongi. “Please, do you have any idea where he could have gone?”
“If they’re downtown, you’re probably closer to the restaurant, he might have gone there. Maybe my apartment, I don’t know. Taehyung, what the hell happened?”
“He-he’s, he’s our...” Taeyhyung stutters, chest feeling so tight and fragile he thinks he might implode. “We really messed up, Hyung.”
“Namjoon and Jin are going to try Yoongi’s apartment, just in case. They’re not too far away,” Jimin reports, voice shaky.
“We’ll look around campus.” Now it’s Hoseok’s voice crackling over the phone. “You guys should go check the coffee shop and the restaurant, he might have gone there. Now, please, tell us what the hell happened?”
“He,” Taehyung takes a deep breath. “He came back early from his date, looking sick, and we…I… He’s our soulmate, Hyungs, he’s our soulmate.”
“Oh,” Yoongi whispers.
“But you thought… the words you guys have…” Hoseok trails off.
“I know,” Taehyung says. “We messed up. Now we just have to find him and explain.”
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When Jungkook finally dries his eyes, he realizes that he ran to the alley between the coffee shop and Seokjin’s restaurant, probably out of habit. He lets out a shaky breath and rests his head back against the brick wall, looking up at the sky without really seeing anything. He always runs, doesn’t he? Whenever he fucks up. He’s not even brave enough to fix his own mistakes.
After what feels like a long time, he reaches for his phone, thinking to perhaps call Hoseok, or maybe Yoongi, who would understand at least a little. He pats at empty pockets for a moment before realizing that he left his phone at his dorm.
There’s sounds at the entrance of the alleyway, footsteps, and Jungkook tenses. It’s late, and it could be people or it could be muggers and it sounds like more than one person.
What enters the alley is far worse than muggers: Jimin and Taehyung.
Jungkook scrambles to his feet, but he’s been curled up uncomfortable for too long and one of his feet fell asleep; he stumbles immediately.
Suddenly there are arms wrapping tightly around him, and Jimin burying his head into Jungkook’s shoulder. “Don’t run,” he sobs. “Please, don’t run.”
Taehyung is close behind, squishing them into a Jimin-sandwich as he cups Jungkook’s face in his hands. “Jungkook,” he breathes. “Kookie.”
“Why did you come?” Jungkook gasps out, arms hanging loosely at his sides even as Jimin clings to him.
Taehyung lets out a breath. “Kookie. I’m so sorry we never gave you the chance to say anything last year at the coffee shop. We haven't given you the chance to, so it feels awful and hypocritical to say this, but will you let us explain?”
“Please,” Jimin whispers into his neck.
Jungkook nods, and they both relax a little.
“We weren’t looking for you,” Taehyung begins, and Jungkook stiffens because he knew it, he knew they didn’t want him but it still hurts to hear Taehyung say it all the same. “We weren’t,” he continues, “because of the words we have. It’s not your fault, I get it, but the first thing you said… Kooks, our tattoos say you thought meeting us was a mistake.”
I’m sorry I came up to you that day, Jungkook remembers. It was a mistake.
“We thought you didn’t want us,” Jimin murmurs sadly against his collarbone.
“Oh,” Jungkook says. “Oh.” Idiot. Fuck-up. “I’m sorry, I’m so fucking stupid, I should have said something else, anything else, and you guys have that on your wrists…” He’s babbling now, but can’t seem to make himself stop and take a breath. “I should have said something that day in the shop, I thought I was a mistake, I… I’m so sorry.”
“Jungkook,” Jimin says, pulling back just enough so that he can meet his watery eyes. “The only mistake here is ours.”
“Come on,” Taehyung says gently. “Let’s go home. And I should probably call the Hyungs and tell them we found you. And apologize for ruining their date nights.”
Jungkook wakes up to the smell of breakfast cooking and the feeling of arms around him. He blinks a few times, eyes adjusting to the morning light as memory and thought come back to him. They’d called their friends and decided to crash at Namjoon and Seokjin’s flat instead of returning to the dorm so late at night.
After several explanations, some yelling, and more crying, he’d finally gotten to close his eyes, tucked in on the pull-out couch between Jimin and Taehyung.
It was the best sleep he’d gotten in… well, in a year.
Jungkook rolls on his side, which results in him suddenly being tucked in close to Jimin’s smaller frame. He looks up in time to see Jimin’s nose scrunch, then his eyes open slowly, blinking a few times. “Where’s Taehyung?” Jungkook whispers. He was too exhausted to remember much of last night, but he does know he fell asleep being held from both sides, comfortable and warm between his soulmates.
“Helping with breakfast,” Jimin replies softly, his morning voice scratchy. He shifts a little, revealing a bed head with tufts of hair sticking up from the top of his head. Jungkook has the irresistible urge to run his fingers through it. Before he can stop himself, his hand is in Jimin’s soft hair. Jimin grins.
“You’re really...mine?” Jungkook whispers.
Jimin’s eyes soften. “Yes. Forever.” He pulls Jungkook closer, although there wasn’t much space before. “Kookie,” he murmurs. “Can I kiss you?”
Jungkook meets his eyes, hesitant. “You… you want to?”
“I do.” Jimin blushes. “I have for a long time. I tried to push it away. Didn’t work.”
“Okay,” Jungkook whispers. He leans forward and closes the last few centimeters between them and presses his lips to Jimin’s. Jimin grins into the kiss, and then returns it, arms tightening around Jungkook.
“Are you guys really making out without me?” Jungkook twists around to see Taehyung standing by the door, hands on his hips.
“Well, come here then,” Jimin laughs, and Taehyung breaks into a grin as he joins them on the pull-out bed.
Taehyung presses against Jungkook’s back, Jimin stretching his arms as far as he can to accommodate him in the three-person embrace. Jungkook shivers as he feels lips against his neck, trailing from his shoulder up to his ear. “Can I have kisses too, Kookie?” Taehyung whispers.
Jungkook twists to look over his shoulder, giving Taehyung his very best sexy smolder. “Sure,” he says, trying to sound nonchalant. Taehyung grins and kisses him, and it feels different, his two soulmates are different, but they both fill him up with joy the exact same way.
After a few long, wonderful minutes, Taehyung pulls away. “Jin-hyung will yell at us if we let breakfast get cold,” he says, pulling himself away despite a faint whine from Jimin. Jimin reluctantly gets to his feet as well, pulling Jungkook up by the hand.
They start to head towards the kitchen, but Jimin stops them both with a tug. “Jungkook,” he begins. “Can we start again? I know I can’t change what I said back when we met. But, if I could decide what it says on your wrist, I would say…” He squeezes Jungkook’s hand and grins, eyes scrunching up. “Hey, cute barista. Will you make yourself a drink too, and then join us?”
“Me too, me too!” Taehyung grabs Jungkook’s other hand. “I’d say… Is there anything wrong with you? Because you seem perfect to me!”
“Hyung!” Jungkook whines. “That’s so cheesy!”
“That was terrible, Taehyung,” Jimin says, but he’s still grinning.
Jungkook swallows, suddenly nervous. “And I…” he begins. “I’d say, ‘Hi.’”
“Hi?” Taehyung asks.
“Hi, I’m Jungkook, I’m your soulmate. Will you be my boyfriends?”
Jimin laughs. “Then I guess we would say yes.”