Chapter Text
Jungeun felt a chill go down her spine.
It was quickly replaced by Jinsoul's hand on the small of her back, and she jumped as if awoken out of her thoughts. She took in a breath, and everything felt normal again. There was the smell of meat, the sound of sizzling on the pans in front of them, and constant chatter around the restaurant. There was the familiar sticky floor under her tennis shoes, the metal stool under her legs, the cozy atmosphere of the barbecue she and her friends had been going to all their lives.
"Hey," Jinsoul's voice sounded near her ear, and Jungeun looked up slightly to see the older girl looking at her with a slightly furrowed brow, the one she always had when she was focused on something. "You okay?"
Her best friend's body leaned in close to hers, and Jungeun relished a bit in the warmth Jinsoul brought. She nodded slowly and gave her a small smile. "Just a bit tired,"
The answer sufficed Jinsoul and the older girl turned back to their friends, or more accurately Jinsoul's friends, and giggled at something Gyuri had said. Jungeun looked down at her plate again, picking at the noodles on her plate.
“I failed that test,” Juri was in the middle of groaning, sitting across from Jungeun. “I’ll be saying goodbye to that high school diploma,”
“I’d have more sympathy if I’d seen you study once in my life,” Saerom gave her a pointed look, taking a sip of her drink. Across from her, Gyuri made a face and followed suit.
“You’re the class president in class, don’t take that arrogance outside of school,” Juri said snarkily. “Here, you’re just as broke and stupid as me,”
Saerom conceded and held her hands up in fake surrender.
Jungeun laughed weakly with the rest of them. She was longing for her bed, and Jiwoo had already headed back so she had no one to go with. Jiwoo was the only one who would’ve agreed to go at a measly 8:30. While most students were just making it back to school at 10 to beat the curfew and the automatic locks on the boarding houses, Jungeun was safely tucked in bed by then. She didn’t know why she agreed to go out with Jinsoul tonight, none of these girls were actually her friends. They were all in Jinsoul’s class, and Jungeun was missing the presence of Yeoreum or Luda right about now. She would just silently wait until she could leave with them. She didn’t want to be a burden, least of all to Jinsoul, but she didn’t like going places by herself.
The barbecue place wasn’t too far from the school grounds, so Jungeun had made the mistake of thinking she didn’t need a coat. The early October chill had begun to bite at her every time the front door was opened by a new customer, but if the other girls sensed it they said nothing. Gyuri was wearing a mere tank top and shorts and Simyeong sported the same. Jinsoul still wore her school uniform with her track pants underneath, despite the number of times Jungeun had told her how ugly her green track pants looked with her red school uniform. Jinsoul had just happily told her it was her “Christmas tree look,” but Jungeun was pretty sure she only kept wearing them so she wouldn’t have to break her habit of manspreading when she sat. Jungeun was kind of envious of those pants now because her legs were cold and bare. She had put on some of the rare clothing that wasn’t her school uniform, and now she felt too dressed up. She was only wearing a square neckline top and jean shorts, but it still felt oddly formal when Juri was wearing a sweatshirt and the same green sweatpants.
Jinsoul had very clearly looked her up and down when Jungeun came out to join her to eat but had said nothing. Now Jungeun was not only self-conscious that she looked too formal but also that she looked plain bad. Damn Jinsoul for making Jungeun overthink so much.
“He’s totally going to ask me out,” Simyeong was flipping her hair over her shoulder, angling her shoulders towards Jinsoul, who was sitting across the table from her. Jungeun watched the girl shoot her best charming smile at Jinsoul, and couldn’t help but lean in a bit further toward her best friend. “I just know it. He always tries to talk to me in gym, and he offers me his food. He’s so flirty,” She giggled.
“Hate to break it to you Simyeong, but I think Yeonjun’s just like that,” Jinsoul shrugged.
“I’m pretty sure he’s not into girls,” Saerom shot the girl a look with a mouthful of food. “Sorry,”
Simyeong looked both offended and embarrassed and muttered something under her breath. Jungeun relaxed again, and Jungeun felt her eyelids droop when Juri and Saerom fell into the familiar pattern of endless bickering.
“Hey,” Jinsoul whispered to Jungeun. “I can take you home if you need,”
Jungeun blinked at her and then realized she’d rested her head on her best friend’s shoulder out of habit. “I’m okay for a while longer, I swear,”
Jinsoul reached under the table and held her hand, squeezing it just the tiniest bit for comfort. If Jungeun hadn’t learned to ignore the way her heart felt, she would’ve gone crazy over that. Instead, she said nothing and Jinsoul looked back up at everyone else.
“Talking about boys is boring,” Gyuri complained loudly, setting down her chopsticks and groaning from fullness. “Everyone we know is already in love with Jinsoul, and I am sick of it. Jinsoul, please get less attractive so the rest of us have a chance,”
Jinsoul laughed and saluted Gyuri. Jungeun ignored the cute way her eyes crinkled when she smiled or her puffy cheeks. She didn’t care, obviously.
“You could never get less attractive!” Simyeong reached over the table and touched Jinsoul’s hand. “You’re the prettiest girl I know!”
“Uh, thanks,” Jinsoul looked confused by that but laughed it off.
“Seriously, you could get anyone you wanted,” Simyeong assured her, and Jungeun couldn’t help but bristle.
“Suck up,” Gyuri muttered under her breath. Jungeun was glad someone else said it.
“Come on guys, Gyuri is right,” Jinsoul announced. “We should get dessert!”
Juri and Saerom were very enthusiastic about that idea. They got up to go pick out some sweet thing from the freezer and Gyuri followed suit. Simyeong was very clearly watching Jinsoul’s reactions and stood up at the same time Jinsoul did. Jinsoul however, barely noticed. She stood up and Jungeun felt the cold now that her right thigh wasn’t pressing against Jinsoul’s.
Jinsoul then held out her hand. “Come on, I’ll buy,”
“I’m kind of full,” Jungeun shook her head. “I’ll wait here,”
Jinsoul deflated a little but Simyeong quickly swooped in and linked their arms, guiding Jinsoul in the direction of their friends. Jungeun watched them go and tried not to overthink their linked arms. That was normal for friends to do, Jungeun didn’t need to feel threatened.
She just didn’t like that she could clearly see Jinsoul say something that made Simyeong laugh, and how left out it made her feel.
“Jungeun?”
“Oh- Doyeon!” Jungeun nearly stood up in surprise, not expecting to see the girl here. The restaurant had gotten busier throughout the night and Jungeun must’ve not seen her come in. Doyeon looked how she always looked, startlingly pretty, and Jungeun didn’t know where to look. She tried to smile back at the girl, but she could feel the heat in her cheeks growing stronger with each passing moment.
“I didn’t mean to scare you,” Doyeon laughed, taking Jiwoo’s old seat. “Next time I won’t sneak up on you,”
Jungeun hid her blush. “No, no, you didn’t. I was just surprised,” She tried to keep her calm.
“Oh good,” Doyeon leaned in closer. “I just noticed you were here all by yourself, and it felt a tiny bit like fate. It’s not often I can get to talk just to you,”
Jungeun was choking, shocked at the idea that Kim Doyeon wanted to talk to her alone. “Fate?” She repeated faintly.
“How else would I get so lucky?” Doyeon grinned.
Kim Doyeon was flirting with her. Jungeun thought she might pass out. “Lucky?- I don’t-”
“Jungeun,” Doyeon’s voice made her feel tingly in the nicest way. “Am I being too subtle? I may have been waiting for your friends to leave. I just wanted to catch you by yourself,”
Jungeun smiled at her, trying to control her inner butterflies. “I’m happy you did,”
Doyeon seemed to understand that was all the encouragement she needed. “You and I don’t know each other very well, even though we’re in the same class. Seems like a shame, doesn’t it?”
Jungeun surprised herself with how girlish her laugh sounded, and she nodded shyly. “I’d love to talk to you more,”
“Let’s change that, then,” Doyeon stopped midway through her thought to shoot Jungeun a curious glance. “Are you cold?”
Jungeun rubbed her hand on her leg when Doyeon mentioned it, and realized she had goosebumps. She nodded sheepishly. “Yeah. I should’ve worn something warmer,”
“You look beautiful,” Doyeon complimented, and Jungeun’s stomach did a flip. “Here, take my coat,”
She took off her coat and Jungeun felt her face get hot when Doyeon carefully laid it over her lap. She tucked it around Jungeun’s legs and she had to lean in, getting rid of the space between them. Doyeon looked up at her slightly, and Jungeun doubted she was imagining the little smirk that painted the girl’s lips. Hell, if she was this smooth, then she’d probably be smug too.
“Your number,” Doyeon said softly, just for Jungeun to hear. “Can I have it?”
“You definitely can,” Jungeun whispered back, biting her lip.
Jungeun felt a hand on her shoulder and looked up to see Jinsoul having returned with a creamsicle in hand and a weird look on her face. Her eyes went from Jungeun’s legs to Doyeon and she clenched her jaw, then sat down without a word.
“Hi, Jinsoul,” Doyeon pursed her lips as if she found the look on the black-haired girl's face amusing.
“You didn’t tell me you were cold,” Jinsoul spoke to Jungeun instead, and Jungeun couldn’t determine whether she seemed concerned or upset at this.
“It’s okay,” Jungeun replied, motioning to Doyeon’s coat.
“I could’ve given you mine,” Jinsoul said quietly, and Doyeon subtly huffed. Juri and Simyeong were back by now, and the pair were watching them with curious gazes.
“I’m fine,” Jungeun gave her a small smile. “Don’t worry about it,”
Jinsoul looked away and Jungeun couldn’t help but notice her move away. She felt colder when Jinsoul wasn’t pressed up against her.
“Here,” Doyeon pulled out a pen from her pocket and held out her palm. “My number?”
Jungeun nodded again more vigorously and out of the corner of her eye saw Gyuri and Saerom watching her in amusement. She was embarrassed, but it also felt good to know a girl as pretty and well known as Doyeon wanted her number. She let Doyeon take her hand and tried not to squirm as the girl wrote her number on Jungeun’s wrist.
“Call me,” Doyeon had the audacity to wink and make Jungeun’s heart flip, then got up from her seat and waved a goodbye.
“Wait! Your coat-”
“Keep it,” Doyeon smirked. “Return it soon so I can see you,”
When Doyeon was gone, the table erupted into a chorus of “oooooh's” and Jungeun flushed bright red, hiding her smile in her hands.
“Jesus, that woman has game,” Saerom exclaimed.
“I had no idea she was into you!” Gyuri grinned at her. “Go Kim Jungeun!”
Jungeun laughed and looked down at Doyeon’s coat, fiddling with the collar. Juri squealed at the cuteness and Jungeun chewed her lips, feeling very awake now. She liked the way Doyeon had looked at her, how caring she’d been. How attractive she’d been when she was flirting with Jungeun.
Next to her, Jinsoul silently chewed the ice cream she had bought and stared at a fixed point on the wall. Not once did she look at Jungeun.
“So? Jinsoul?” Juri kicked her under the table. “Does Doyeon have your best friend approval?”
Jinsoul chewed pensively on her ice cream. “I don’t know her well,”
“She’s in Class 2, right?’ Saerom asked. “With Jungeun?” Jungeun nodded.
“I don’t know,” Jinsoul didn’t look Jungeun in the eye. “I don’t think she’d be right for you,”
Jungeun felt her heart drop to her stomach.
“She’s nice,”
“She’s too smooth,” Jinsoul shook her head. “I don’t trust someone that charming,”
“Well, Jinsoul’s the one who would know about stuff like that, right?” Gyuri joked. “She’s the one with the charming exes,”
Jinsoul shot her a look. Gyuri got quiet.
“I like her,” Jungeun said quietly.
Jinsoul looked over at her somberly. “Come on Jungeun, you know you’re too good for her,”
You always say that. So who is good enough for me?
Jungeun was lost in thought on the way back to the campus. Doyeon’s coat hung loosely around her shoulders but her hand was intertwined with Jinsoul’s, and Jinsoul let their arms swing as they walked. They were behind the other girls, who’d decided to get some alcohol with their very sketchy-looking ids, and were laughing and giggling amongst themselves up ahead. Jinsoul had stayed back and waited for Jungeun, who was now suffering from her own inner turmoil.
“I’ll walk you to your room,” Jinsoul quietly told her as they approached their building, and Jungeun didn’t say anything. Jinsoul would do it no matter how much she protested. Sometimes Jungeun wondered what Jinsoul’s other friends thought of her because none of them seemed the least bit phased when Jinsoul completely skipped over the Class 1 hall and instead continued with Jungeun. The only girl who even looked back was Simyeong, with slight jealousy in her eyes. Jinsoul didn’t notice, already arriving at Jungeun’s door and stopping in front of it.
“I had fun with you,” Jinsoul smiled at her. “It’s better when you come, even if you just eat,”
Jungeun didn’t have it in her to talk anymore. She was so tired, so she just nodded. Jinsoul seemed to understand and gave her a small hug, before softly whispering a “Goodnight, Kim Jungeun,” and bounding off to see the rest of her classmates.
Jungeun tried to hold onto that momentary warmth of Jinsoul’s arms, just like she always did. “Goodnight, Jeong Jinsoul,”
[¬º-°]¬
Yongsan-Gu Boarding School was nestled right between the city and the forest. Its front side overlooked the city from the hill, and the hill turned into thick rows of trees above it. The school’s campus was huge, with a building for the classes, two for the boarding houses, and another for the teachers. The gym was nestled further into the hill and other smaller buildings were dotting the campus. It was like its own little town for the students, who were rarely meant to leave the campus. It was a great place to live, and even the rooms were nice. Jungeun felt at home in her little dorm room, at the very end of the hall so she could have the biggest window.
Jungeun turned over in her bed, trying to chase away the chill with her blankets. She squinted her eyes shut, groaning as she reached out to turn off her alarm. She didn’t want to get up, even though she knew she should. She’d have to face Jinsoul eventually, wouldn’t she?
Jungeun sighed, running her hands through her hair. Way too much of her time was devoted to thinking about the enigma that was Jinsoul.
Jinsoul and Jungeun had been friends since elementary school. Jinsoul had joined Jungeun’s school in Grade 3 when boys had just started to realize how much they liked to tease girls. Jinsoul was a pretty new girl with a bright personality and an easy smile. That smile faded just as quickly with the tug of her hair of the playground insult.
Jungeun, even then, was an awkward loner who was growing into her looks. She saw the boys who liked to tease the new girl and she saw how it made Jinsoul cry. The girl sat by herself under the slide during recess and cried. None of the girls had wanted to play with her since Jinsoul had taken away their attention, and the boys were mean to her.
Jungeun didn’t like that. The next time she saw one of the boys picking on Jinsoul, she went up and punched him. It left her with a sprained wrist, but him with a bruised ego and a black eye, so the payoff was fair. Now the boys knew better than to mess with Jeong Jinsoul or her weird friend.
They became fast friends because then Jinsoul insisted on accompanying her to the nurse’s office to fix up her hand, and she managed to make Jungeun smile with her attempt at jokes to cheer her up. Soon Jungeun forgot all about her throbbing wrist and focused more on the nervous feeling in her stomach.
It was only natural for them to end up going to the same middle school. Jungeun delved even deeper into her phase of being awkward and lanky and nerdy while Jinsoul just got even prettier. She grew into her strong features, dyed her hair blonde, joined the soccer team. She had people swarming around her, for now, a multitude of reasons. Not only was she pretty and kind but she was smart, getting the best grades in her biology classes and topping the class in math as well. Jungeun’s achievements in humanities and literature seemed nothing to the success of her best friend. Jungeun didn’t even really feel jealous, she was just like everyone else; in awe that she knew a girl as perfect as Jeong Jinsoul.
Around middle school was the time when Jungeun realized it; she was very much into girls. Exclusively girls. She liked the way they flipped their hair, the way they smiled, she liked to watch them play soccer, and she liked it when they wrapped her in a bone-crushing hug until she’d been convinced to have another sleepover.
Jungeun liked her best friend Jinsoul. Girls, sure, but exclusively Jinsoul.
Jungeun was terrified about that at first. She was sure Jinsoul was going to be able to see past her horrible white lies and excuses and figure out the real reason Jungeun blushed whenever Jinsoul came out of the locker room all sweaty. Then she realized that while Jinsoul was her childhood friend and an amazing student, she was also so so stupid. She never thought once about Jungeun’s behavior. Jeong Jinsoul always found her in the crowd of people vying for her attention. She always made time for her best friend. That was what Jungeun loved about her, along with everything else.
Their parents had become close friends over the years of course. Jinsoul’s mom loved Jungeun more than anything and Jungeun’s mom probably loved Jinsoul more than her own daughter. Of course, the two of them wanted to send their daughters to the same school. Both Jungeun and Jinsoul were accepted into the Yongsan-Gu Boarding School as soon as middle school was over, and there had been nothing better than the look on Jinsoul’s face when she heard they both made it.
“We did it Jungie!” Jinsoul had lifted her into a hug so tight Jungeun might faint. “I hope we go to college together too!”
So Jinsoul and Jungeun attended Yongsan-Gu Boarding School for their first year of high school and for the foreseeable future. High school was when Jungeun finally got out of her awkward phase and started to get curves and sharper features. She wasn’t bony or awkward looking anymore, and her years of track finally began to pay off. In her sophomore year, she was surer of herself now and finally felt confident to maybe talk to Jinsoul about how she felt. Jinsoul didn’t have to like her back, Jungeun was pretty sure she was straight, but she wanted to get it all off her chest.
Well it turned out, Jinsoul wasn’t straight. Jungeun found this out not from her best friend directly, but from the excited gossiping of her new friend Jiwoo that Jinsoul was seen kissing Ha Sooyoung when they were out together. By the time they returned from their date, everyone on campus knew.
Jinsoul never uttered a single word to Jungeun about her relationship. In fact, for the first few months of their relationship, it was radio silence on Jinsoul’s end. It seemed Jinsoul had outgrown her need for her best friend. Even Jungeun could admit that Ha Sooyoung was pretty, she had dark brown hair and bangs that framed her face so nicely. Her eyes were deep and her body was toned and tan from basketball. Jinsoul even took up basketball for her, and they were the stars of the team.
Jungeun cried in her room almost every night those days. She’d lost the most important person in the world to her and she didn’t even understand how.
At least during that time, Jungeun was forced to find other people to become friends with. Jinsoul was in Class 1 while Jungeun was in Class 2, and Jungeun became much closer with her new classmates. Yeonjun was the first boy she’d ever actually liked to talk to, while Jiwoo was literally the physical embodiment of the sun. She shone so brightly that anyone she met couldn’t help but fall in love with her. Hyewon was like her, shy and cold to people she didn’t know, but she was a great deskmate. Yeoreum, Yeonjung, and Luda felt like her older sisters who seemed to always give the best advice. When they noticed how upset Jungeun had become over Jinsoul, Luda told her that “If Jinsoul really loved her, she’d come back eventually,”.
That was the problem , Jungeun had wanted to say. I love her far more than she could begin to love me.
Until one night, when Jungeun was supposed to be asleep, she heard a soft knock on her door. She opened it without thought, expecting it to be Jiwoo with a nightmare, but instead met the teary and sniffling face of Jinsoul.
“I know it’s late,” Jinsoul hiccuped. “But I need to see you. Please stay with me, just until I fall asleep, please-”
Jungeun didn’t even hesitate to open the door wider. “Come on,”
Jinsoul wordlessly stepped into her room and Jungeun felt panic in her chest when she heard the soft sob emitting from Jinsoul’s throat. Jinsoul cried often, but not like that.
“W-we broke up,” Jinsoul whispered.
Jungeun cared about her, of course she did. She’d hold up the sky for Jinsoul, but for just once in her life she wanted to be selfish. She didn’t think she could bear to hear about Sooyoung, to hear how much Jinsoul had loved her, what it had felt like to kiss her, to be with her. She didn’t want to know what it was like for Jinsoul to lose the person she cared about because she knew exactly what that felt like. But she couldn’t listen to it.
So instead of answering, Jungeun held Jinsoul in her arms as they lay in Jungeun’s bed and let her cry, let her get it all out. Jinsoul fell asleep with Jungeun’s hands stroking mindless patterns through her hair and Jungeun watched her dewy eyelashes flutter shut, her full lips part to snore more delicately than Jungeun ever heard. Jungeun, despite herself, watched in revere the gentle rise and fall of her chest. Jesus, it was all so beautiful. She was angry at Jinsoul, for hurting her, she was angry at Sooyoung, for hurting Jinsoul, and she was angry at herself for letting such raw wounds fester in Jinsoul’s absence.
When they woke up, Jinsoul said nothing of it and everything was back to how it had always been. It was as if they’d never parted. But still, they never talked to each other about Sooyoung or Jinsoul’s sexuality in general. Not when Jinsoul got a more temporary and far less serious girlfriend by the name of Baek Yebin, who Jinsoul dated for less than a month before they decided they were better off as friends. They didn’t talk about Jungeun’s sexuality when she tried - and failed - to date Jiwoo for a week. The closest they came to it was the surprise in Jinsoul’s eyes when she found out Jungeun was very much batting for the home team, and the little squeeze of Jungeun’s hand that left Jungeun herself with a million questions.
It was fine, really. No matter her sexuality, Jinsoul always had everyone fawning over her, that was just her charm. No matter Jungeun’s sexuality, Jinsoul was still her best friend, and she’d be there by Jungeun’s side.
Jungeun looked down at her arm. Doyeon’s number was still there, smudged but legible. She chewed her lip.
She liked Doyeon. Anyone with eyes had a tiny bit of a crush on her, but what was confusing Jungeun was the guilt she felt when she saw how Jinsoul had looked at Doyeon. Jinsoul did that when Lee Naeun from her class had asked her if she wanted to hang out. She made this face as if the girl was somehow offending Jungeun with the very question.
Was Jeong Jinsoul jealous?
No. That would make no sense. Jinsoul didn’t like her, Jungeun had been repeating that fact over and over in her mind like a mantra for years, trying to get the words to stick. Jinsoul had never been anything more to her, she’d never thought of Jungeun as anything more than a friend.
But then why did Jinsoul get so cold about Doyeon? Why so snarky with Naeun? Did Jungeun just not deserve to have someone that liked her? Worse, did Jinsoul think that Jungeun wasn’t good enough for them? Jungeun was so tired of letting Jinsoul’s behaviors and Jinsoul’s emotions dictate her life. She was tired of not going after things because her feelings for Jinsoul were holding her back.
Jungeun sat up in her bed, pulling off her covers and stretching her arms. Her phone dinged on her nightstand.
(Jiwoo: To Me) Going to retake my math test, I’ll see U later!!!
(Jinsoul: To Me) Morning :) Meet you for breakfast? I’ll save you a seat.
Jungeun wasn’t hungry. She swallowed thickly and got up instead, sliding on her skirt and then her button-down, followed by her blazer and socks. She slid a few hairbands onto her wrist and applied makeup, checking her reflection in the mirror with a stiff look.
(Me: To Jinsoul) Not eating breakfast.
(Jinsoul: To Me) Oh, okay. I’ll meet you outside your class!
(Me: To Jinsoul) I’ve got to study for the math test.
(Jinsoul: To Me) Didn’t the math test already happen?
Fuck, Jungeun rubbed her face. Jinsoul was right. She tried to think of another excuse for avoiding her best friend when her phone dinged.
(Jinsoul: To Me) I can help you with math though, if you’re confused. I aced the last test, and you know I’m a good tutor.
(Me: To Jinsoul) It’s fine, I won’t distract you. I’ll just ask Doyeon.
Jungeun felt her stomach gnawing at itself in worry when she watched the three little dots disappearing and reappearing on her screen. Jinsoul was editing and deleting her text.
(Jinsoul: To Me) If that’s what you want to do.
(Jinsoul: To Me) You wouldn’t be distracting me though.
(Jinsoul: To Me) I want to help you.
(Jinsoul: To Me) We’ll see each other at lunch then?
(Me: To Jinsoul) Probably.
(Jinsoul: To Me) :)
Jungeun closed her phone. Jinsoul managed to make her go crazy with a simple fucking smiley face and it drove Jungeun mad. She groaned, exiting her dorm room with a sigh and silently making her way toward her classroom. She kept her head down until she walked into her classroom and-
Doyeon was by Yoojung’s desk, looking awfully close to Jiwoo’s deskmate. Jungeun felt shame heat up her cheeks as she remembered laughing the same way only the night before. So Doyeon didn’t have an eye just for her, she couldn’t even compare to Jinsoul or someone popular. Jungeun couldn’t get over her middle school crush because she’d be damned if there was someone who liked her enough to want to receive her love.
Worst of all, Jinsoul might’ve been right.
She said nothing, just slide into her seat at the back of the class and pulled out her notebook. It was going to be a long day.
[¬º-°]¬
Jungeun did end up seeing her for lunch. Jiwoo met up with her after her retake was over and the two of them made their way to the cafeteria, Jiwoo not noticing Jungeun’s reluctance to go in. She was sure Jinsoul would see all her emotions on her face, and that would positively ruin everything.
But like always, Jinsoul came up to her with a bright smile and no questions. She put her arm around Jungeun’s waist and led them towards the center of the room where the food was. Jungeun looked down and grimaced.
“The sweat pants?” She asked in thinly veiled judgment.
Jinsoul grinned. “It’s gym chic, Jungie,”
“I don’t think it is,” Jungeun pulled away. “I know you have gym before this but seriously, how do you not get dress coded,”
“Other people like the Christmas tree look,” Jinsoul’s eyes shone. “You’re just a hater,”
Jungeun looked over to the table where Jinsoul sat and bit her tongue when she saw Simyeong sporting the same look. People were desperate for Jinsoul’s attention these days, clearly.
Something ugly grew in her stomach and she tore her gaze away. She heard Jinsoul open her mouth to say something but continued walking to the food table, beginning to spoon some rice on her plate. She could feel Jinsoul’s eyes on her, but even when she walked back to her table with Jiwoo and the rest of her friends, Jinsoul said nothing.
“Are you okay?” Hyewon asked her gently a while later when Jungeun was still pushing around the food on her plate. She didn’t feel hungry even though she hadn’t eaten breakfast.
“Yeah, I think I’m gonna go to the library. Just got some homework I want to catch up on,” Jungeun mumbled, standing up from their table. She made her goodbyes and tossed the rest of her food in the trash, quickly heading out of the cafeteria before anyone could ask her any more questions.
Jinsoul watched her leave.
Jungeun slammed the door to the building behind her and crossed her arms as she walked out into the midmorning sunshine. The October air had only the slightest of chills to it, clouds dotting the sky but otherwise making it the perfect day. Jungeun walked with her head down, watching her shoes scuff up the perfect gravel paths. The library was connected to the cafeteria and the classroom building, but this way was just more efficient than winding through the halls to her destination. She climbed up the stairs and tried to shake the tiredness from her bones, wishing to just take her mind off everything. Just as Jungeun opened the door to the library, another black-haired ran out of the cafeteria, her eyes locked on Jungeun.
“Jungeun!” Jinsoul called after her. “Wait!”
Jungeun kept walking. She was trying to avoid Jinsoul, not make it that much easier for the girl to find her. She stepped inside the library and was greeted by the sight of a few dozen people about the room, all preoccupied with their own work. Sunlight shone through the high windows and the air smelled of old wood. The room was peaceful and quiet when Jungeun stepped in, but once she was about 30 feet inside there was a loud commotion in the entryway.
She looked back to see Jinsoul holding her hands up in surrender as she got scolded by a teacher, and then quickly turned around. She sped up her walk to try and lose Jinsoul in the bookshelves, but Jinsoul caught up with her easily and put a hand on her shoulder to stop her.
“Jungeun, stop,” Jinsoul panted breathlessly, and Jungeun tensed. “Please stop avoiding me,”
“I wasn’t avoiding you,” Jungeun answered immediately, and Jinsoul gave her a disbelieving look. Around them, people had returned to their work and it was silent again. Jungeun’s nails created crescent moons in her palms.
“I did something,” Jinsoul looked down at her shoes. “I can’t figure out what. Seriously, I’ve been racking my brain all morning but I seriously don’t know. I get that you…” Jinsoul’s jaw clenched. “I’ve accepted that maybe Doyeon’s going to take up more of your time now. But you ignored my offers to eat together and it’s making me feel like shit ,” Jinsoul ran a hand through her hair. “Can I just get an explanation?”
Jungeun’s eyes followed the motion of her hand and she felt the butterflies in her stomach. Jinsoul’s face looked unreasonably attractive right now, and Jungeun wished she could reach up and push the hair from Jinsoul’s brow. Did Jungeun enjoy the sight of Jinsoul angry? Maybe a little bit.
“Jungeun,” Jinsoul repeated in frustration.
“I-I,” Jungeun looked away. “Look. Sometimes it's just hard to feel like I can’t like anyone because of you. Doyeon is Doyeon, so she wasn’t scared off by you, but it’s not the first time you’ve made me reject someone just because you thought they weren’t right,”
“I’m protecting you,” Jinsoul said, her eyes flashing with an emotion Jungeun couldn’t decipher.
“I don’t need protecting,” Jungeun groaned.
“Oh yeah? And was I wrong about Doyeon?” Jinsoul challenged, stepping closer. “That she’s slimy and just using you for what she wants?”
Jungeun swallowed thickly. She didn’t want to give Jinsoul the satisfaction of being right.
“I know I can’t keep you to myself, but I will make you see that you need someone who deserves you,” Jinsoul’s voice got quiet.
Jungeun tried to stop her lip from trembling. “But you never think anyone is good enough. You get to do whatever you want, date whoever you want without even telling me-”
Jinsoul’s eyes widened. “Is this about-”
“But I can’t even so much as flirt with someone without you being my keeper?” Jungeun felt herself getting angrier. “Why do you care so much? Can’t you let me decide for myself who I like?”
“I don’t stop you from liking who you like!” Jinsoul replied incredulously.
Maybe not directly. Jungeun thought.
“I just get sick of it,” Jungeun fisted part of the fabric of her skirt, trying to keep her composure. The red fabric became wrinkled by the action and Jinsoul’s eyes followed it. “I feel like your shadow sometimes, Jinsoul. I want to like someone else and feel like I’m more than just Jinsoul’s friend. Other people make me feel like that, and I know you don’t mean to but you can’t keep protecting me forever, it won’t work,”
Jinsoul flinched and looked down, her cheeks reddening with shame. “I…I didn’t know you felt like that,”
Jungeun sighed. “I know-”
“But you know I’m right about Doyeon,” Jinsoul looked up at her, a new fire in her eyes. “Don’t deny it,”
Jungeun scoffed. “ Shut up , Jeong Jinsoul. Is that all you’re thinking about? Being jealous of some girl?”
Jinsoul’s jaw dropped. “Is that what you think? That I’m just jealous of every girl you talk to?”
“Kind of!” Jungeun shot back. “Every time you look at me, all you can see is-”
THUMP!
Both Jinsoul and Jungeun jumped at the sound of something hitting the ground outside. The birds in the trees stopped singing and students around them moved to the window to see what the noise had been.
“Oh my god!” Someone screamed. “That’s a student!”
Jinsoul and Jungeun both rushed to get a good look at the sight. Jungeun’s hands flew to cover her mouth as she saw the outside of the building wet with blood and a body laid on the ground, limbs crumpled unnaturally.
“What the…” Jinsoul breathed out. Jungeun felt tears of shock welling in her eyes.
“It must’ve fallen from the science labs,” Miyeon said loudly, leaning forward to get a look at the body. “Holy shit, that looks like a sophomore,”
Jungeun felt sick to her stomach. The teachers had heard by then, and along with a few students they had headed outside to inspect the body.
“Jinsoul…” Jungeun shivered, watching the body with wide eyes.
Jinsoul’s arm went around her. “It’s okay,”
“N-no,” Jungeun pointed. “It’s moving,”
Jinsoul looked back through the window and sure enough, the body that had once been a lifeless form on the lawn was now twitching, the limbs flailing about wildly. The head was bleeding profusely so there were gasps from the students when the sophomore raised his head, his eyes red and wild.
“The fuck is that,” Yukyung exclaimed.
He snarled as the teachers approached, and Jungeun got a bad feeling again. She held onto Jinsoul tighter, chewing her lip so hard it might bleed. The body lurched forward toward the teacher who had come outside and Jungeun sucked in a breath as the old woman got closer, reaching out a hand to help the student up.
Instead, the student sunk his teeth into her hand and the woman screamed in agony. She pulled her hand away but the student was relentless, biting into her leg instead. She fell to the ground and another person screamed at the sight. At the sound, the student turned towards the glass with his face a mess of blood.
Jungeun covered her face as the student ran towards the glass and luckily Jinsoul grabbed her and pulled her back because the glass cracked when he hit it. She nearly fell but Jinsoul’s arms went around her waist and held her up, both of them watching in horror as the student fell through the glass, still twitching and reaching out towards the other students.
“Run,” Jinsoul told her. “Run!”
Jungeun bolted from the window with Jinsoul close behind her. She ran as fast as her legs could carry her, past the students still blissfully unaware of the situation. She thought they’d make it out the door but then-
A girl with red eyes, pale skin, and blood dripping down her chin pushed through the doors. She growled when she saw Jungeun and reached out her hands, jaws opening and closing as if she couldn’t wait to sink her teeth into Jungeun’s flesh.
Luckily, another student pushed past her to try and get out but was caught by the girl, only to have their face ripped apart by the bloodthirsty creature. They couldn’t possibly be human, no human would do such a nasty thing. Nothing with a human heart could so viciously attack like that. The appearance of both the girl and sophomore had been like walking corpses, blood spilling from their body but neither seeming to notice. Their eyes were red and nothing deterred them from their hunger, not glass or human screams that made Jungeun feel faint. If not human…
No, zombies didn’t exist. That was something from Tv, they didn’t exist in real life. Yet, as she looked around she felt a sinking feeling. Two people with cannibalistic tendencies and a violent need for humans, whatever this was, it was dangerous.
“Jungeun,” Jinsoul took her hand and pulled her away from the door, deeper into the library. They ran past dozens of bookshelves before Jinsoul turned again and they were hidden deep into the classic section, squatting between Jane Austen and Virginia Woolf. Jinsoul’s heart was beating rapidly, and Jungeun realized she could hear it because she was pressed against Jinsoul’s chest.
Jinsoul had pulled their bodies flush against each other and her hands were firmly placed on Jungeun’s back, keeping her close. Jungeun sucked in a breath as she heard something crash into one of the bookshelves and more screaming and growling.
“It’s okay,” Jungeun didn’t know if Jinsoul was saying it to her or herself. All she knew was that the only thing that was making her feel better was Jinsoul holding her.
“We can’t stay,” Jungeun whispered. “We’re not safe,”
Jinsoul nodded firmly. “Come on,” She stood up and helped Jungeun in turn.
They crept forward to look past the bookshelves and Jungeun shivered at the sight. There were piles of bodies lining the entryway and zombies mindlessly strolling down the paths. Jungeun ducked back as one of them turned towards her, and Jinsoul followed suit.
“That way,” Jinsoul whispered, and pointed to their left, deeper into the building. They’d eventually reach the classroom building and cafeteria if they went that way, and maybe someone would be able to stop the zombies before they got anyone else.
Jungeun nodded and tried not to think too hard about the way Jinsoul grabbed her hand and held it gently but firmly. The older girl looked out again and then nodded at Jungeun, saying it was safe. The two of them crept out from between the bookshelves and silently jogged through the library, hoping they’d make it out without harm.
Then came a groaning from behind them, and Jungeun turn to see Yukyung, or what used to be Yukyung, with a hold on Jungeun’s shirt.
“Fuck, fuck-” Jungeun nearly started crying, trying desperately to try and pry Yukyung off her. Yukyung grabbed her other hand and lunged for her with teeth bared, sending them both to the ground.
“Get off her!” Jinsoul slammed her foot into Yukyung’s abdomen and sent her reeling into one of the bookshelves and more importantly off Jungeun.
Then the bookcase fell, and then another, and then another, and the zombies were now more than aware of their location.
Yukyung made another grab for Jungeun, but her head was kicked squarely by Jinsoul who pulled Jungeun up in a panic. She tugged Jungeun again and they both started running again, this time making it out of the library and into the classroom building.
Dozens of students watched them with wide eyes from inside the classroom as Jungeun and Jinsoul sprinted past, both heaving from exhaustion and fear. Jinsoul kept looking back at her while Jungeun kept looking back in case Yukyung found her again, really dug her teeth into her arm, and turned her into one of them.
“Woah Woah Woah young ladies,” A teacher came out of one of the classrooms and put his hand up, nearly hitting Jinsoul in the face. He was slightly shorter than the older girl, and his face was wrinkled except for any sort of smile lines. “You better have a reasonable explanation for why you think it’s appropriate to run inside our buildings,”
“Zombies,” Jinsoul breathed out, face flushed.
“What?”
A low, haunting moan came from the library, and then several dozen infected students burst through the door, causing screams from the closest classrooms.
“That!” Jungeun tugged Jinsoul past him and they kept running, now with the zombies directly on their tails. Jungeun felt like she was moving underwater, she was so slow, and Jinsoul without any track experience was doing almost as poorly as she was. At least Jinsoul had some soccer training under her belt, which was probably why she was able to kick Yukyung so hard. Jungeun doubted she’d ever had to kick a human, though.
Jungeun looked up at her. Jinsoul’s jaw was clenched and she moved about the hallway with purpose, occasionally looking back at Jungeun to make sure she was okay.
Suddenly, Jungeun had never been more glad they had fought, otherwise, Jinsoul might not have followed her to the library. She could be dead by now if Jinsoul hadn’t. She could be worse.
Alarms had started blaring in the building and screaming was everywhere. Jungeun felt her heartbeat doubling in speed and she could barely breathe. Everywhere she looked, people were running out of classrooms and scattering in every direction. She saw Nayun, a girl from Jinsoul’s class, running toward her when a zombie knocked her down and got its teeth in her leg. Jinsoul stopped, her face conflicted as to whether or not she should try and help her classmate. Jungeun hid behind her partially as another zombie came across the senior, attracted to her screaming, and took a clean bite out of her shoulder. Jinsoul moved forward, trying to help, but Jungeun held her back. It was a good thing too because in only a couple of seconds Nayun was up again, hissing and groaning just like her attackers.
“She…” Jinsoul looked horrified.
“I’m sorry,” Jungeun touched her shoulder, almost shouting over the noise. “But we have to go,” Jinsoul’s eyes hardened and she swallowed thickly. Jungeun took a step back as Jinsoul moved forward, afraid of the look in her eyes. “Jinsoul what are you-”
Jinsoul pushed her to the side and Jungeun fell with a thud onto her side. She looked up at Jinsoul just in time to see zombie Songhee lunging at her, blood dribbling down her face. Songhee pressed Jinsoul against the wall and Jinsoul held her arm up to stop Songhee from taking a chunk of her cheek out. Jungeun stood up, ignoring her stinging leg and grabbing Songhee by her shoulders, throwing her into another one of her kind. Jinsoul gasped, her eyes appreciative when she looked at Jungeun.
“Out,” Jungeun mouthed. Jinsoul nodded.
They both continued down the hallway with their hands up, but most of the zombies were now preoccupied with their easy prey. Jungeun realized in horror that they were now near the center of the building, and it would only be harder to get through now.
“Jinsoul what are we supposed to do?” Jungeun yelled at her. “It’s hell in here,”
They turned the corner, approaching an exit when a huge swarm of zombies met their eyes. It must’ve been an entire class, juniors by the looks of it. They saw Jungeun and Jinsoul too, and the whole stampede of them came barreling towards the two best friends.
Jungeun looked over her shoulder. The hall they came from was crawling with infected, and upon hearing the noise they were looking up. They were trapped.
She yelped as she was pulled to the left by Jinsoul and she got a brief glimpse of the outside of a storage closet before she was thrust inside by the older girl and the door was slammed behind them.
Jungeun could not believe, could not believe , that after the beginning of the fucking apocalypse, the thing that made her heartbeat the hardest was being stuck in a closet with the girl she’d been in love with for literal years. Trapped again, even if she was safe.
The only light in the whole room was the little sliver of an opening at the bottom of the door and Jungeun froze in the darkness. She didn’t even know what she was holding onto until she felt a pair of very familiar hands on her waist and a face buried in her chest. She must’ve grabbed Jinsoul when they were pushed inside.
“Well hi to you too,” Jinsoul, despite everything, had the audacity to sound fucking amused .
“Jinsoul?”
“Yeah?”
“ Shut. Up. ”