Work Text:
In His Skin
--
Jack stepped into the bathroom, closing the door behind him and locking it. Taking a shaking breath, he rested his palms against the counter as he glared at his reflection. "Alright, Jackyboy. You can do this. You can fuckin' do this."
A gentle knock at the door made him jump. His heart beat against his ribs as Mark's soft voice seeped through, "Hey, are you sure you want to be alone in there? I don't have to look, if you don't want."
"I'll be fine," he insisted, perhaps a bit too harshly, "just--just give me a few minutes, alright? I just need a minute."
"I'll be here if you need me," Mark assured him, his tone unchanged.
Swallowing, Jack nodded, though he knew Mark couldn't see the gesture. After several deep breaths, he turned back to the mirror, focusing his mind. He knew he wanted this more than anything. To be with anyone like that was something he'd been craving--but to be with Mark meant so much more.
They had been dating for over a year now. Their physical meetings had been few and far between, but each time had been incredible. It had taken Jack a while to warm up to Mark's touch, but the American had been patient and respectful. The two of them had stuck to cuddling for a long time, despite that they both craved so much more. When they eventually got to kissing, Mark had a harder time holding back--but he would always stop whenever Jack gave the word. For that, he was incredibly thankful.
Jack had been the one to ask to take things further. He'd caught Mark off guard when he did, but the older man had accepted his offer without much hesitation. Maybe he'd been more eager for intimacy than he'd let on. Maybe he could see in Jack's eye how serious he was. Whatever the case, they had made their decision--and Jack was determined to see it through.
First, he pulled off his shirt. Up and over his head, like he'd done thousands of times before.
He stared at his chest, biting his lip as he traced the scars. Mark has his own scars, he knew, but they weren't the same. His scars were that of a survivor, a hero--Jack's felt almost dirty in comparison, no matter how many years it had been. But after their talk about it the day before, he wondered how Mark would see them. He wondered what Mark was really thinking about anything, but resigned himself to the fact that he'd never know.
If nothing else, Mark cared enough about him to try. That was what mattered. That was something he would hold on to as tightly as he could.
With a heavy sigh, Jack undid his belt and slipped out of his pants. Upon seeing the boxers he had decided to wear, he couldn't help but snort at himself. Slipping his thumbs under the waistband, he tried to remind himself that Mark would be more than willing to do it in the dark, and tugged the shorts off with one swift movement.
He turned back to the door before he could catch sight of himself in the mirror. No matter how much of a pep talk as he was giving himself, he knew that if he looked for too long, he'd panic and back out.
As he unlocked the door, however, he began to panic anyways. "Mark, are you still...?"
A brief pause. Then, "I'm right here, Jack. Something wrong?"
Pressing his head against the door, Jack closed his eyes. "Mark, I... just... promise me you won't laugh, okay?"
The request almost seemed to offend him, "Why would I laugh?"
"Just... please promise? I'm not coming out until you promise not to laugh."
"I promise I won't laugh, Sean. I never would."
Hearing his name spoken so softly, Jack started to smile again. "Okay. Alright. I'm gonna come out, then. Can you... can you make sure you're not looking?"
"Okay," he replied simply.
After almost a full minute of silence between them, Jack finally found the confidence to open the door. He saw that Mark had already stripped, and taken a seat on the far end of the bed, facing the wall. Jack's breath left him at the sight.
Small steps carried him closer. Not once did Mark turn to look, and Jack's heart beat loudly with love and fear and all kinds of excitement. Growing braver, he clambered into the bed and sat just behind his lover, reaching out and grazing his arm, "Hey."
Mark hummed at the contact. "Hey yourself, handsome. Let me know when it's okay to look."
"Not quite yet," Jack breathed, shuffling closer. "Sorry for--"
"Don't," he cut in quickly. "You have nothing to be sorry for. I love you the way you are. So don't apologize, alright?"
Jack's fingernails dug into the other man's skin. "Alright."
"I want this to be just... love. I want this to be you and me, the way we are. Nothing else matters."
Pressing his face into Mark's shoulder, Jack took a shuddering breath, all his anxieties gnawing at him. "I just--if it's weird that's just how it is, isn't it? I mean, you're not attracted to women--"
"You're not a woman," Mark insisted sharply. "You're the strongest man I know. I love you for you. Maybe you don't, but I sure as hell do. So please, trust in that."
Jack couldn't bring himself to speak. He thought if he tried, he might end up crying; and the night certainly wouldn't go the way either of them wanted to.
Mark's hand overlapped his. "I'm here."
Nodding against him, Jack managed to mumble, "You can turn around."
Slowly, Mark pushed him back so he had room to turn. Once he did, his eyes never left Jack's. "You're incredible."
"You're not even lookin'," Jack hissed, fidgeting as he wished that he'd left his underwear on.
"I don't have to," he insisted softly, pressing his forehead against Jack's. "You're the most incredible man I've ever known. I don't care about anything else." With that decided, he leaned forward and pressed a gentle kiss to his lips.
Jack kissed him back eagerly, no longer caring if there were tears on his face. Slowly, he let his body relax, and reached forward, embracing his partner with gratitude.
They moved forward cautiously. It began with more doting kisses, placed up Jack's cheeks and jaw, stopping only to wipe his tears away. As the kisses moved downwards, Jack began to feel incredibly warm above all else, as if he could disappear into the comfort of Mark's touch.
When Mark's lips brushed against his scars, Jack couldn't help but shiver, and the older man pulled back just an inch. "Sorry, is that okay?"
"It's fine," he breathed in reply, winding his fingers into his hair. "Just... caught me off guard a bit, s'all. You can keep..."
There was no need to finish; Mark's mouth had once again met his chest, gentle as ever. He stayed for a while before moving farther down, trailing kisses farther and farther until they reached his thighs, teasingly close. At that point, Mark stopped again. "Is it okay--"
"Yes," Jack assured him, perhaps a bit too quickly. Seeing the mischievous spark in Mark's bright brown eyes, he turned his head, pretending he wasn't blushing. "Just--just go ahead, it's fine."
Mark hummed with content, and the rumble against Jack's exposed skin made him quiver with anticipation. "Okay, I'll get right on it. But just remember that I've never done this before, so don't blame me if I'm bad, alright?"
"Right," Jack acknowledged, growing self-conscious once more. "Don't worry if you--oh sweet Mary and Joseph--!"
The moment the words were out of his mouth, he could feel Mark's smile, which only served to make Jack gasp out another, more elaborate string of blasphemies. He tightened his grip on his partners hair, nothing but pure pleasure coursing through his body.
Though he hated himself for it, Jack couldn't help but whimper when Mark drew back. With one hand he still clung desperately to the other man's hair, but with the other, he covered his face. That was, until Mark pulled both of his arms away and kissed him, "Happy to please, Sean. Are you okay with continuing?"
Jack answered with a hungry kiss, and Mark reciprocated, letting himself fall onto his back.
It was Jack's time to return the favour, and he eagerly planted kisses underneath Mark's jaw and across his throat. The moans he elicited from the older man only stood to drive him to the brink, and he quickly lost the desire to show Mark the same kind of patience. "I need you," he begged, "I love you, Mark, I need you."
"You have me," he answered, smiling warmly. "I'm ready when you are."
That was all Jack needed to hear.
Within a heartbeat, they were together, as together as they could be. Each and every second felt like an impossible dream come true, and Jack lost himself in a way he never thought he could. He no longer cared about his body, only the sensation of Mark's; everything was relaxed, simplified, and pure. It was the most freeing realization he'd had in his entire life, and he allowed his conscious self to melt away.
Although neither of them rushed anything, in Jack's opinion, it was over far too quickly. He didn't leave Mark's embrace for a moment--he hoped he'd never have to. Never before had anyone's arms provided such warmth, such comfort. Mumbling praise and declarations of affection, Jack could have easily nodded off, forgotten every doubt and woe in his mind.
Mark, however, kept him grounded, "Honestly, Sean. Do you have any idea how handsome you are?"
"Not as handsome's you," he slurred, closing his eyes.
He felt Mark's fingers in his hair. "Do you know what makes you so handsome?"
Truth be told, he wasn't sure that he wanted to know. "What?"
"Well, other than your sexy beard," his tone was lighthearted, despite his worn voice. "Seriously, though, I'm serious when I say this--you're strong. You're unbelievably brave. You're able to be yourself no matter what. That's why I don't think I could ever stop loving you."
Jack buried his face against the pillow. "I'm still--I'm still not right."
"That's okay. I'll still be with you, through everything."
Cautiously, Jack lifted his head and met Mark's eye. "Mark, I... thank you. For everything. I love you, too. Always have. Always will."
To that, Mark could only smile.