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Holowitz thinks it started with ‘C-3P-wee.’ This isn’t correct — Sheldon has been called a lot of things, and one of his favorite Star Wars characters, though Pee-Wee isn’t anywhere near as highly ranked, is not as bad as Leonard seems to think it is.
Truth be told, Holowitz is the friend of his roommate. He does not have first name privileges, Leonard does not share any interesting stories about him, and he compares Sheldon to C-3PO like it’s an insult. Sheldon doesn’t care about him, except for the vague dislike that he now holds that he holds for 90% of his high school alumni.
So it isn’t the nickname, or the way his friendship with Leonard changes Sheldon’s social environment, or even the slideshow. No, it starts a couple weeks after they meet, close enough that Sheldon’s lie still works, but not far enough that Sheldon saw it coming. He’s sitting at his desk, he has been for forty-five minutes, and he’s spent the entire time that Leonard’s friends have been over redesigning the design on the graffitied train car Missy bought him.
And Sheldon doesn’t know why he says it— it could be the knocking. People ask about the knocking but few people hear it enough to know it’s an ‘always’ and not a ‘just this once.’ Leonard and his friends seem to want him to stop, and maybe it would make him less annoying, but the knocking is important. Georgie made sure he knocked every time, and the repetition helps, and Sheldon doesn’t want to forget because that’s rude . So he knocks three times and says their name and maybe that’s why Holowitz uses the word.
Then again, it could be the eating schedule. Missy and him worked for hours on that schedule, because if it isn’t right, Sheldon won’t eat , and it’s very important Sheldon eats. Just like it’s important he sleeps, and drinks, and goes to the bathroom. He schedules Leonard, too, because he seems like the forgetful type. But Koothrappali says pizza like Sheldon is being ridiculous, so maybe it’s the eating schedule.
There’s also the talking. Mommy always had to tell him when to stop talking, but Leonard doesn’t do that. He waits, until Leonard asks him a question, and then in a tired voice says he doesn’t care. But Leonard and his friends like the things he likes, so it probably isn’t the talking.
Either way, Sheldon hasn’t been listening, but he does hear it when Holowitz says, “Yeah, a real party, a retard, a selective mute, a Jew, and whatever you want to call yourself.”
Sheldon watches Leonard’s small chuckle. He doesn’t know what it means, but it isn’t an objection, and Sheldon understands that.
Leonard does make him tea the right way, though, so Sheldon keeps him on the ‘friendship’ track that continues for a while. Holowitz, however, is not allowed first name privileges for years.
(It will take ten years, for Howard to make up for it. He will walk into his office and blame Bernadette and buy Sheldon a bobble-head. Sheldon will abuse the small amount of time he has left to truly get back at him. Then he’ll hold his hand on a plane and let go.)
The word is one of the few that is totally banned in his house. Daddy can’t say it, his friends can’t, and Mommy can’t. It makes Georgie grab a shotgun and Missy put on her stomping boots.
Sheldon’s never shot someone and he doesn’t have stomping boots.
He can insult someone, though. He can take away first name privileges.
He doesn’t like Penny very much for many reasons. She invades his space and doesn’t tell Sheldon her last name and she tries to break his rules. She doesn’t even have a reason . Sheldon thinks she doesn’t like the fact that he doesn’t make eye contact.
She makes Leonard sad. She makes him happy. It reminds Sheldon of how his Mommy feels about God. Then again, Leonard is much more infatuated, and reading has nothing to do with their relationship.
Then she gives him a napkin and Sheldon lets go of that. She makes an effort. She doesn’t say any of the words.
Leonard uses the other word. This word isn’t banned in his house, but Leonard says it differently than his Mommy and Daddy. There isn’t anything self-loathing about it, nothing about who did it , just who can fix it .
Leonard thinks he can fix Sheldon. This is incorrect, because Sheldon can’t be fixed, and he doesn’t need to be. Frankly, he doesn’t want to only have one thought at a time, or to lose his affinity for patterns, just so he can understand sarcasm. It can’t be that cool if everyone’s doing it.
“You’re not,” Missy says, her stomping boots up on the table because she wants to appear relaxed. He hums the DS9 theme quietly. “Everyone else is. Sitting in the dark is cool. Changing your name is cool.”
He waits a long moment, finishing the theme.
“You can call me Shelly,” he says, because he knows Missy doesn’t know how to do this, no one knows how to do this, and it’s still a secret of college. At college, he is Sheldon. He has short hair. His shirts are loose because he doesn’t have muscles.
When Missy goes home, none of that is true. Sheldon has four months until he changes this.
Daddy died believing he only had one son.
Broken , Leonard says, to everyone. He wants to explain Sheldon. He supposes it’s efficient, if inaccurate.
Broken , Sheldon says, and his Mommy grabs his shoulders and says:
“Not one day, Sheldon, not one day do you think that.” She says Sheldon even though he knows she hates that name. She tells God and thinks Sheldon can’t hear. She doesn’t mind a second son, though. “I don’t care what the hell someone says, there is nothing about you that is broken. Now, go play with your trains.”
Sheldon goes and plays with his trains.
Leonard follows the rituals. He doesn’t ask about the scars on his chest when Sheldon gets sick. He doesn’t ask about his sexuality. He explains social requirements.
He calls Sheldon broken and hits on his sister.
Holowitz never uses the word again.
“The lights are too bright,” Sheldon says.
Penny turns off the lights.
“The fridge is too noisy,” Sheldon says.
Leonard buys him headphones.
“I’m uncomfortable with physical contact,” Sheldon says.
Amy takes off her shirt.
They try not to talk about it. Georgie has a bottle and the backseat. Missy has the boyfriend that Georgie beat into a gorgeous cool color palette. Sheldon has Lieutenant Commander Data.
They try, but they aren’t perfect.
“Girls or guys?” Missy asks. Sheldon frowns and looks down. She tilts his chin up, a stern look on her face. “Not like that.”
“Then like what?” Georgie sighs, more alcohol disappearing down his throat. Sheldon hates the smell. It’s only two days of the year, though, since on Christmas Mommy hides the alcohol.
“ Sex , Sheldon.” Sheldon frowns again. “Who do you like ? Who are you attracted to?”
Sheldon must be quiet for too long, because he isn’t the first to answer.
“Both,” Missy says. “I like… both.”
“Both works.” Georgie shrugs. “Can’t get into the whole… girls thing, though. Personally.”
They try not to talk about it, because Romans, Saint Paul, and the many fathers who aren’t Daddy.
Missy got him Sandman for his birthday, the complete omnibus. He thought that was enough.
“I don’t know,” he says, after a long moment. “No one really appeals to me.”
“Narcissism,” Missy says at the same time as Georgie says, “Asexuality.”
“That’s ridiculous.” Sheldon is the only person in this family who reads. “Humans can’t reproduce asexually yet.”
Georgie laughs.
“Are you going to have sex with Amy?”
Sheldon gives a non-answer. He likes Amy, but he has been given the information that sex is supposed to be appealing. He knows he won’t like it, he knows he won’t ever want it, but there’s a chance that eventually, Amy will be worth it.
She doesn’t use the words, she explains most things very well, and Sheldon does like her.
Amy wants things, though, and Sheldon can’t give her those things.
When he kisses her, it’s to spite her.
“If you’re a boy,” Mommy says, “no girls are allowed in your room.”
Sheldon kicks her out.
She reexplains the rules, which means Missy is allowed in. Penny and Amy are not.
Sheldon is .
Queerplatonic is not a word Sheldon can ever use. Leonard calls him broken and Penny is an idiot and Amy wants things he can’t give.
Love with Leonard and Penny is easy. They don’t make a big deal out of it and Sheldon feels less anxious around them than he has in a while. When Sheldon tells Amy he loves her, she doesn’t understand it.
It’s okay. It makes her happy when she doesn’t understand.
“Transgender,” Sheldon tries. “Asexual.”
What he knows. What he doesn’t.
“Bisexual.” Missy tilts her head. “Pansexual.”
“Queer.” Georgie puts the bottle down. “Now, Sheldon grab your gasmasks and Missy get your cape. I can’t wait to get a parade for my birthday.”
She kisses his forehead and it’s okay. She holds his hand and it’s almost nice.
Every other touch Amy gives makes him want to gag. It makes her happy and it makes Sheldon feel like when he sees the scars on his chest.
He can’t have sex with Amy.
He can hug Penny and Leonard, because that’s as easy as when I want to . Hugging Amy reminds him of the fact that after years, she won’t take no .
It’s the kind of thing that would make Georgie break whatever bottle he’s drinking out of because he thinks he’s far too cool for his own good.
Sheldon says that he hasn’t ruled out the possibility.
Broken , Leonard says, and it makes Sheldon want to make something broken. At least it’s ‘a little’ now. Maybe Amy has had a positive effect on him.
Penny calls him sweetie , honey , and things that make Sheldon feel . He hates it.
Sheldon gets sick and he thinks Penny won’t know. She is from Nebraska. However, he is from Texas.
“Sheldon.” He makes a noise. “What— what are these scars from?”
After a moment, he replies, “You’re not rubbing.”
“‘Cause they look like top surgery scars.” He makes another noise, his chest too cold and too hot. “Right. Sorry. Forget I asked.”
Sheldon can’t do that. Penny sings.
Girls aren’t allowed in his room, but he supposes some exceptions must be made, considering Missy always just walks in.
“That’s ridiculous.” Amy doesn’t laugh, which isn’t really anything. “Humans can’t reproduce asexually, and cloning doesn’t count, Sheldon.”
“That isn’t what it means.” Missy says consent like a soldier from war. Georgie says it like a general. “It’s a complete lack of sexual attraction.”
“That’s also ridiculous.” She fidgets a little. Sheldon watches, his heart rate a little too high. “The human sex drive is a natural product of the instinctual need to reproduce. You can’t not have it.”
“Cisgender lesbians. Cisgender homosexuals.” Amy blinks. “I’m curious, based on your theory, do humans stop having a sex drive if they become infertile?”
“It’s natural .”
“Wh— so is urinating wherever you darn well please, but society has evolved past that.” He motions for emphasis. “Now we have toilets.”
“That’s for sanitary reasons,” Amy says, like that has to do with anything.
“Sex is incredibly insanitary,” Sheldon responds, because he’s had this argument every day within his head.
“…I suppose you're right.” Sheldon celebrates his victory by a subtle ‘yes’ and fist bump. “Sheldon—“
“Goodbye.”
Broken , Leonard says, and Penny hits him. It’s a word, now. His new people know to avoid it. Leonard is adjusting.
Asexual , Howard says. Somehow, he’s still making fun of Sheldon, but it’s not the bad way. It’s not the same as the words.
Autistic , Penny says. No one wants to confront that. They move on.
Sheldon grabs Penny’s hand. She grins.
Amy comes to the apartment. They don’t talk about it, as per the Relationship Agreement. At least Georgie keeps his bottles whole and Missy keeps blood off her boots.
He tells Leonard that they’re going to live together forever.
And he thought proposing to Penny was hard .
It’s like this:
Penny and Leonard are in love. They kiss and support each other and have sex. They live in the same apartment, eat meals together, and know almost everything about each other.
Leonard and Sheldon are in love. Leonard asks permission about all the right things and follows all the rituals and is just a bit too in love. They live in the same apartment, eat meals together, and know almost everything about each other.
Penny and Sheldon are in love. Penny lets Sheldon organize her stuff and she takes his side and she tells him she loves him whenever she wants. They live in the same apartment, eat meals together, and know almost everything about each other.
But Sheldon loves Penny and Leonard, because there isn’t anything icky about it and Leonard doesn’t say broken and he gets to live with Leonard forever.
He’s a problem solver. The solution is yes because they understand no .