Chapter Text
Hyeongjun is unlovable
They're words he's heard his entire life, from everyone. Friends, family, strangers. They all seem to share the same idea about him. 'It's just not worth the effort', 'It's too hard', 'Impossible'
After hearing it over and over again for the first six years of his life he stopped trying to fight it. He just stopped trying. It never seemed to change anyone's opinion on him and what would soon become his opinion of himself
He knew he was different than other kids his age. He didn't like to go outside, he didn't like being near other people. He just preferred to stay indoors or stick to the people that he knew. It had made him feel safe. This behavior however got a lot of new words thrown at him. 'Clingy', 'Annoying', 'Dependent', 'Weird'
After that he started just staying to himself. It lost him all of his friends growing up and made him the focus of the school bullies' attention. It wasn't very rare anymore for him to return home with a new bruise somewhere on his body or even a busted lip
His parents never cared, chiding him for fighting before ignoring him again as he left for his room. He found his only escape in music, going to a local guitar store and spending hours just using some of the equipment there. The owner was a nice older woman who seemed to be the only one that didn't share everyone else's opinions on him
When he left for college she gifted him the equipment he used the most and he took it happily. The guitar was his favorite and he hated trying to force himself to come to terms with leaving it behind, so the gift meant a lot to him
He didn't have any hope for university being different from his other years of school but he thought that maybe it would be easier at least. His personality wasn't different, if anything it had gotten worse in his opinion. He hated being near other people, to the point that he had thought about doing online classes before giving up the idea when he saw how much it cost. The only reason he had gotten into this university was because of a scholarship
He just hoped that keeping to himself this time would keep him off of anyone's radar and he could get through all of his classes for the year and peacefully graduate. His first week squashed that hope when he met a group of boys who shared most of his classes
Lin Temin was the leader of the group and the other three members were his friends Park Injae, Kim Eiji, and Kim SieJin
It had started out with them coming up to him at the start of class, since he was the only one in the room, and trying to strike up conversation. When he didn't answer, his anxiety spiking at the exchange, they got more annoyed. He was used to it by now, his personality making people like this, but he still always got scared of the results of those feelings
"What, think you're too good to talk to us?" Temin asks, glaring at Hyeongjun when he still doesn't answer. He doesn't remember the rest of the conversation from there but he knows it put him on their radar for all the wrong reasons
It started off as harsh words thrown at him when they found him alone in their classrooms before the class actually started. Then it escalated to some minor actions of harm
He never tried to fight back, didn't see the point in it. He kept telling himself that he could handle this. He had for his entire life, what was a few more years?
So he forced himself to just ignore it all. Ignore the words thrown at him, the hand sometimes tangling into his hair and pulling when he wouldn't make eye contact with them. It never really escalated from that, something he was glad about
He found himself falling into a rhythm. He would wake up, get ready, walk to school- because he didn't have a car or the money for public transport- and then he would get to his classes early, before anyone else could be there. He considered it a lucky day if Temin and his group were late and didn't catch him before too many students or the teacher were around. Once classes ended he would walk home, sometimes intercepted by Temin's group and sometimes able to get away peacefully
Once he got to his apartment he would go to his room and practice his guitar. It was his only escape from everything that normally plagued his day. His fingers moving over the strings, creating different notes that could blend together so easily. It all made him feel a lot better. He imagined that his feelings were traveling out of his body as the notes that he played, feeling lighter the more that he practiced
Then he would settle down for the night and repeat that routine for all of his class days. It seemed to work pretty well for him and he was grateful for it, even if it was far from ideal