Archive of Our Own

New years are a time of celebration; a fresh start for you to redeem yourself. A period where you so haughtily claim to lose weight, or start a new hobby. You look back onto your old self, scoffing at those bad choices you made, swearing to never make the same mistake. But not every new year starts brand new.

The actions you committed in the past years aren't just magically forgotten. A new slate they say. But what about the other slates cast aside from the previous year? Disregarded beyond recollection? Or are they stored away in your mind, only to surface and haunt your choices in the future? No matter what has happened in the past, it remains a slate, the indentations permanent unless the slate itself is broken; cracked. The old you still stays somewhere inside you, no matter how you claim to have improved yourself.

But things can change for the better; there is always a chance.

Or at least Rui hoped so.

The joy of festival practices filled the atmosphere; whispery, pale breaths visible among the impatient yet enthusiastic queues leading up to the shrine. Warm lanterns were planted about the place, bunting draped among the frozen tree branches before meeting at a solemn wooden pole stood in the centre of the platform.

The troupe were situated in the middle of the long line after only half an hour of waiting, dressed in what could be described as the most weirdly layered (or lack of in Rui’s case) outfits fit for the cold morning weather. Each member was buzzing with their own individual excitement that could rival even the most energetic children there to some extent, looking forward to the New Year traditions they could partake in.

“I guess coming early on new year day really was a lot better haha!” Stiffly, Tsukasa made a prideful pose at his past self’s idea, followed by him quickly shuffling his thick coat around and rubbing his gloved hands together to try and generate some warmth.

“Hm there are definitely a lot less people than there would have been last night…” The green haired girl trailed off, stuffing her phone into her hoodie pocket so she could cover her yawn. She was unused to being awake and active so early but it was significantly better than being in an overcrowded space at night.

Groups of people came streaming down the stairs, having fulfilled their own purposes at the popular shrine. The troupe gathered together nearer to the wall so the strangers could pass, eventually shifting upwards along the uneven cobble steps, leading towards a large path of various activities followed by the shrine in the back.

Rui gazed at the distant scenery. It was definitely quite the sight to see, no wonder so many people visited every year. His eyes wander a bit more, admiring such a view before his attention was drawn somewhere else.

Emu was hopping up and down the stone surface, fidgeting as the other visitors stared at her visual excitement awkwardly, causing Tsukasa to turn around in response.

“Emu, stop jumping around so much! You're disturbing the other guests and you could even twist your ankle on these uneven steps!”

“But I’m just so happy I can spend time with you guys for the New year celebrations! Can I not be happy?” she said with puppy eyes, her joy visibly deflating. The pink haired girl then glared at Tsukasa once more with a mischievous smile, quickly turning away to tackle Nene who yelped at the sudden intrusion of personal space.

She lurked further along the edge of the path, glaring at the moving images on her phone whilst being gently assaulted by the bundle of energy next to her. The director glanced over to take in the spectacle, cogs turning in his head at the situation before briefly settling on making a little remark to the blonde beside him.

“Surely it doesn’t hurt to be a little excited in this new year, unless you're that upset with us for so forcefully dragging you out to celebrate.” Rui looked at the blonde with his all too familiar “sad” face, using a hand to wipe a fake tear if not to exaggerate the lack of hurt.

Tsukasa’s face scrunched up in thought for a couple seconds. With no way to return the shot, he sighed in defeat, arms moving down to his side showing his visible surrender as well.

“I guess you're right…but stop acting as if I’m the bad guy!” Tsukasa’s cheeks puffed out in mild annoyance, a small pout even almost forming. Oh how Rui revelled in the various expressions he could arouse out of Tsukasa.

“If anything, you’re the one who I should actually be berating again!” Tsukasa continued.

Rui recalled the look on Tsukasa’s face when he’d shown up to their meeting spot wearing a hideous, thin jacket, shirt and pants. No gloves, no hat, not even a coat or scarf. The troupe had insisted on celebrating new years together after Rui offhandedly mentioned he had never visited a shrine to celebrate. Not that he did anyway, hence the situation that Tsukasa was challenged with.

“NENE WHY DIDN’T YOU TRY TO STOP HIM COMING OUT LIKE THIS?”

The diva flinched at the loud screech before quickly turning to face the source of said noise.

“By the time I was kicked out the house and at Rui’s, my house was locked and Rui doesn't own any winter wear since he usually coops up inside making stuff. My spare gloves and such don’t fit him as you would imagine.” She visibly waved her gloves if not to back up her point, face deadpan.

The star scoffed at her reply before quickly scanning the person in question. Rui stood sheepishly, now aware of how unfit the clothing he had quickly grabbed from his chair was.

After a couple thoughts flew through his head, Tsukasa decided on the best action - to give Rui one of his own winter clothes of course! Despite how cold the blonde’s face was, he chose to give his scarf to Rui, revealing his rosy cheeks that contrasted his light hair.

Tsukasa moved closer, standing on his tiptoes as he wrapped it gently around the latter. Rui grew slightly flustered at the action, his cheeks beginning to warm up. The scarf smelt of a faint vanilla…just like Tsukasa.

Tsukasa shuffled back and stood proudly, his rosy cheeks breaking into a smile as he admired his work. The warm, yellow scarf as bright as the star itself contrasted the purple hues of Rui’s hair, framing his gold eyes which made them look almost ethereal in the pale morning sun.

Tsukasa’s cheeks burned even more but this time it wasn’t due to the gnawing, frosty weather. That was weird,,, .He quickly covered up the strange moment with a laugh and statement as per his usual self.

“H-HAHAHA! It seems like a star’s scarf suits you!” His voice cracked in the laugh, rendering his response futile and only making the situation even more awkward. He coughed and quickly continued.

Rui hadn’t even noticed the weird atmosphere, too caught up in his own mind as thoughts raced through his head. There was also a strange ache in his chest. Just why did he burn up? Was he sick? His questions faded just as quickly as they came, reality slowly catching up to him as he heard Tsukasa’s voice become more audible.

“A-anyway, why did you think coming out in just a jacket was a good idea?! What if you get sick?!”

Tsukasa continued to rebuke the other loudly as he was able to revert back to his “brotherly” mode, disturbing the lovely peace they had before. (By peace I mean Emu and Tsukasa striking poses at one another to “warm up” according to the latter). The director shared a look of plea with the green haired girl, perhaps asking her to save him from this misery.

Nene sighed, pulling out her phone entangled in her headphones, ready to ignore her friend facing the consequences of his actions. Despite his annoying and loud voice, she was slightly grateful for Tsukasa’s caring nature; he really did influence Rui positively, not that she would ever admit it. God forbid his already astonishing ego become even more inflated.

The queue drained rather quickly, leaving the group able to go up onto the main platform. Rui moved further up the steps towards the shrine, legs stiff from the minimal movement made in the past hour. The location looked even better up close compared to the few glimpses visible in the queue.

The cold January temperature left a layer of frost covering any life remnant on the low mountain, reflecting any light that shone upon it to create a beautiful refraction. The group strolled through the abundance of stalls set up: a face painting station with a number of children, a couple stands with souvenirs and lastly the majority of which served fresh food.

An appealing scent of freshly made treats drew Emu’s attention, the bubbly girl beginning to wander in search of the source. Nene glanced up from her phone, only to see a familiar pink haired girl enthusiastically skipping away towards a food stall. After taking in the risks of the situation, the shy girl sneaked past the oncoming crowds to find the girl before it was too late, leaving the other pair to head to the shrine.

Rays of sunshine peaked through the mountain foliage, illuminating the sky as the once dark night slowly drew away with the time ever moving close to mid-day. Rui’s eyes slowly revealed his eyes to the shrine in all its glory, surrounded by numerous lights set up for the past night where the natural light was no longer enough.

Frost had settled on the stone statues scattered about the place, the cold temperature quite fitting for their unfriendly appearance. The sight would no longer be visible though as more people began to surge out, done with their prayers. The director's mind was still pondering each stall, interest captured by the various ongoing activities.

“Be careful Rui!”

Tsukasa dragged the two swiftly into an open space, navigating through the mass of a crowd, smile widening as a pale breath drew out.

Tsukasa’s hands are warm.

“Looks like we got a spot!”

The morning sun shone on the star, framing the image of his rosy face to be something almost surreal as he stood there proud, hands on hips. Ah, there it was again. Rui felt like his heartstrings were being tugged. It was like a muted sense of joy and anxiety all bundled into one. There was also another thing he couldn’t quite catch hold of, yet it was quite an eerie presence. But what could be the cause?

Tsukasa withdrew his hand from Rui, bending forward to ring the bell then performing a bow. Its shrill sound pierced through the slight murmurs of the crowd nearby. The blonde reached into his pocket, tossing ¥5 into the offering box.

Is this a tradition?

Rui stared at the box, mind quickly scanning through his experiences to recall what to do. He hadn’t ever prayed at a shrine.

He decided to copy the former’s actions, the noise of the ¥5 coin echoed as it hit the other coins stuffing the box to the brim. The blonde bowed twice, clapping his hands afterwards as Rui followed his motions. He quickly glanced at the boy standing next to him, face crumpled and hands together.

Rui clasped his hands close to his chest and drew his eyes shut. The dawning silence of the shrine as visitors left drowned out any irrelevant thoughts, allowing him to focus on his current prayer.

What did he truly want most? Rui searched through his most distinct memories, many being of his friends. His friends…

New years.

The earliest new year celebration Rui could ever recall was possibly around the start of middle school on new year’s eve. He was never an avid fan of holidays, the build up surrounding them only providing a level of expectation which he was bound to be disappointed by.

It doesn’t matter though; they didn’t exactly impact his life much anyway.

The boy remained tinkering with his robots in the garage, a room put away to the side of the house. It was something Rui had personally requested, allowing him to freely create his ideas as he pleased with minimal disturbance or danger to his family.

However this time, it only really came to bite him in the back, taunting him of the isolation he imposed upon himself.

At least no one could see him here.

Eyes wander over to the monitors sitting on his desk, dim lights fighting to illuminate the various objects scattered about the surface.

23:58. Just a couple more minutes until a new year.

A fresh start.

The boy decided to sit against the garage door; his body aching as he bent down. Maybe working for hours at a time wasn’t the best for his health.

The door didn’t help much either with the way it dug into him as he hunched over, hugging his own legs in a way he could pretend someone was there.

That someone was with him.

It was quite dark in the garage without the lights on, Rui noted. He stared at the mess surrounding him, bits and parts scattered about. Maybe he should clean up sometime.

As if on cue, colourful lights streamed through the garage windows, accompanied by an orchestra of noises, welcoming the new year. The cheers of his neighbours celebrating were drowned out by the noises.

Outside were crowds of people, looking at the sky in awe of the bright pigments blossoming, dyeing the garage floor a multitudes of shades. The colours seemed to blur, blending into the wood and carpet as his eyes brimmed with tears.

Wet drops overflowed, sliding down his face before gathering on his chin. They finally dropped onto his unkempt uniform. His eyes widened slightly, only allowing more tears to flow.

Was he…crying?

Rui doesn’t know how to respond to the situation, leaving the tears to drip and soak into his uniform. He stiffly shuffled around, giving his legs a break as he fully rested onto the solid floor.

There was nothing wrong. He had no reason to cry. He wasn’t upset.

He had long accepted it was just simply the way things were.

Vague words flickered through his mind, forming a distant yet fond memory that should have provided comfort.

“People are people and you are you.”

But he didn’t want to be him. He didn’t want to be different. Why couldn’t people like him for who he was?

He sees his classmates actively avoiding him. He sees their reactions, their disdain for a weirdo such as himself.

He hears what remarks they make when they think he can’t hear them.

He knows he’s different.

He knows it yet-

It hurts.

It’s lonely.

A sorrowful smile escaped onto his lips as he gazed over his more unfavourable memories. Despite the pain they brought, they also surfaced another thought from the turmoil.

An unusual revelation for the boy who struggled so much with something as foreign as feelings. Face scrunched up in concentration, Rui prayed that some deity would take pity and grant his desire.

Please let us continue making shows together as a troupe.

It was abnormal compared to the greater things such as wealth and possibly a bit childish to wish for such things which were bound to eventually end but after all, who was Rui Kamishiro - the eccentric weirdo of Kamiyama highschool - to be normal?

His eyes reopened, blinking a couple times to adjust to the bright light. Tsukasa had shifted to the side of the praying station, now rubbing his gloves together and breathing on them before placing them on his face to warm it up. Sunset eyes met gold and the director moved away from the praying station to join his actor along the side-lines.

"Why did you take so long? Now I’m cold from standing there for 10 minutes,” Tsukasa showed irritation at the taller, his eyebrows furrowing. Rui shuffled “his” scarf around, as if buying time to ponder an answer.

“I was simply reminiscing about the past.”

A simple answer but one that brought a fond smile on the director's face considering his better situation. The blonde talked back, still feigning annoyance over the director’s amusement in making such a “dignified star” wait. They continued to make remarks back and forth until eventually ending in loud laughter over the ridiculous situation.

He really wished that little moments like these would stay like this forever.

Masses flooded past the pair as they walked along the festival stalls.

Huh.

One stand stood out in particular. It was fortune drawing, a popular tradition which even Rui knew about. The weight of his wallet seemed to increase with the passing distance from the Omikuji. Without any thought, he turned to face the blonde, briefly stopping them both amidst the crowd bustling with impatience to move.

“Tsukasa-kun, would you like to go have a look at the Omikuji?”

“Eh? Of course I would love to!” Tsukasa shouted in response, his face visibly lighting up at the request.

The stand was a bit run down, perhaps from lack of maintenance due to the seasonal use, but the decorations surrounding it were enough to attract a couple customers if not the traditions. Beside the few people there, were fortune boxes sat ready for use.

The two made their way towards the containers after donating 300 yen, each pulling a fortune slip out. The blonde opened his fortune rather quickly, hands scrambling as he unravelled the paper in anticipation.

“HA HA HA! A fortune certainly fit for a star such as myself!” Tsukasa waved around his fortune, the paper showing 大吉 (Great blessing).

Rui glanced over to the boy, a smile breaking out on his face at the others' joy. He glanced down at his unopened fortune, unsure of how to proceed. Despite how rash Tsukasa opened his, Rui gently unveiled the prediction, only to reveal the very opposite of the star’s, 大凶 (Great bad fortune).

He skimmed through the general gist of the divination, eyes only pausing on a particular section he had never given any thought about. Love.

“More than fear of trivial things, is the fear of breaking connections. Your increasing desires will only result in misery if ignored.”

It was the only relatively hopeful section throughout the entire page, the rest cursing him for his unfortunate year ahead.

“Rui, what fortune did you get?”

The purple haired boy turned to show Tsukasa the unlucky prediction sheepishly, a hand resting behind his head.

“HUH? YOU NEED TO TIE IT TO THE FENCE IMMEDIATELY! We can’t have our next show blowing up or something!”

The blonde reached over to grab the fortune, only for Rui to move back slightly and lift it way above his head with a smirk sat on his face. Just out of reach for Tsukasa.

“Aw~ but wouldn’t an explosion look amazing in our show Tsukasa-kun? Ah, that is if you can see it with your height.” Rui’s eyes gleamed with ecstasy as he teased Tsukasa, only causing the other’s face to drop into a slight frown before speaking.

“No it wouldn't and I’m only 8 cm shorter mind you!”

“Fufu I guess you leave me with no choice then except to rid us of this curse. I doubt you would be able to reach the racks after all.”

Tsukasa’s face scrunched up in mild annoyance. Rui walked over to the fence already strangled with the numerous paper fortunes tied to it, pleased with the shorter boy’s reaction.

The racks appeared to be quite a bit frosty from the cold weather. Seeing the lower frame filled to the brim with paper, the taller’s hands shifted to a higher rack with less fortunes, tying his straight onto the frozen wood. It was slightly too loose, his fingers numb from the cold seeming to make such a simple task impossible.

In the distance, a faint high pitched squeal could be heard becoming more audible.

“TsuuuKASA-KUNNN!”

Immediately, the blonde was tackled onto the solid ground by a bundle of winter clothes and pink hair. The girl sprang up rather quickly, the victim beneath her reducing the impact of the assault. The blonde on the other hand groaned as he painfully got up, his body aching as a result from acting as a human cushion.

“EMU WHAT WAS THAT FOR?”

“Hehe sorry I was just so happy after we finally found you!” The girl in question bubbled up and down, acting out her level of excitement through various motions. Behind was also her green haired accomplice, left carrying numerous souvenirs and paper bags whilst the former committed the crime.

Nene scrambled over to Rui by the fortune rack, dumping some of her load onto her taller peer. Tsukasa turned to glare at Nene, pointing a finger at her in mild frustration.

“AND YOU! How could you agree to such unjust treatment of a star such as myself?!”

Nene rolled her eyes at Tsukasa’s dramatics.

“You..”

He continued to shout loudly before accidentally tripping up on a loose stone tile and letting out a noise of surprise. Rui turned to Tsukasa, resulting in a thud as the boys collided, souvenirs scattering about as the bags were sent flying to the floor.

The force of the flounder resulted in both of them tumbling to the floor; Tsukasa’s winter wear bringing some comfort to the purple haired boy he fell on top of. Red hues blossomed on Rui's face, the close proximity and feeling of Tsukasa's breath proving to be rather intimate. The other slowly raised his gaze, sunset eyes widening as they met their golden counterparts.

Tsukasa begins to scramble up in panic, a furious blush quite visible on the blonde’s face whether due to the embarrassment or other things. Rui slowly got up as well, brushing dust off his clothes as he began to awkwardly pick up the bags and items littering the sacred ground.

“Ooooh Nene-chan look, Tsukasa-kun tackled Rui-kun!” Emu cut into the weird moment, her figure appearing to move towards the boys at high speed. Nene edged towards the side-lines in awareness of the attention they were drawing.

The flustered blonde in question hastily shouted, struggling to claim his innocence against Emu and her overbearing force of energy.

Rui gazed at the scene before him; the atmosphere light with joy.

Ah.

He wasn’t alone anymore.

He had people he could have fun with.

He had the troupe who enjoyed his ideas .

He had friends.

A fond expression emerged slowly on his face.

This has definitely been the best New year yet.