Chapter Text
Cobra cringed as he looked in the mirror. His naturally pointed ears were emphasized by the ridiculous red and green hat that sat upon his head. The bell jingled annoyingly near his ear as he shook his head in disgust. The golden collar was snug around his neck accentuating his collarbone. His bare chest was on display, scars and all. The outfit could hardly be called such as he wore a tight set of red and green holiday boxer briefs and a pair of chestnut-colored boots.
To say he was cranky and nervous was an understatement, he never showed much skin. Unlike some of the other men in the guild did. He was painfully aware of his scarred body and was rather self-conscious about it. Despite being reassured on a few occasions, he didn’t trust their opinions.
He turned to look at the only man in the guild that wore even more clothing than he did. His outfit wasn’t much better. Bickslow was donning a set of antlers thanks to Lisanna's magic, he also wore a rich chestnut colored harness and some tight red boxer briefs finished off with brown boots that matched the harness. His babies all float around chanting “silly” as they also all had small antlers and little harnesses.
“How did we get roped into this shit again?” Cobra asked his fellow guildmate.
“Because Mira gave us no other choice.” Bickslow stuck his tongue out and cackled.
Cobra turned and felt a pang of jealousy over Bickslow’s carefree attitude and lack of scarring on his body. “At least you don’t look like you were put in a wood chipper.” Cobra chuckled.
“Seriously dude, look at us, this isn’t exactly our most comfortable standard attire.” Bickslow internally added that Cobra looked sexy as hell, and he shouldn’t be so hard on himself.
Cobra grunted in acknowledgment. “Considering this guild puts the woman through this shit more often than us, I suppose this is the least we could do for charity.”
Bickslow chuckled in agreement, “Yea if Mira hit them up for this one this year I swear Cosplayer would have kicked her demon ass into Bosco.”
“I’d be more afraid of Little Miss Sunshine than the demon any day. Never piss off that one.” Cobra chuckled in warning to Bickslow.
“Been there done that, never happening again.” Bickslow thought back to the Battle of Fairy Tail some years ago and Cobra responded, “Before my time that’s for sure.”
Mira entered the dressing area to check on the the men preparing for the soiree. She clapped her hands in excitement as she saw them all dressed for the evening’s entertainment.
Laxus was Santa dressed in red boxer briefs with fur trim and red leather suspenders finishing off the look with a classic Santa hat and black boots. He spread his arms out before Mira to make sure he met her approval.
She smiled with a glint of deviousness and slid up to him, rubbing her hand on his bare chest, “Oh Santa.” she said in a lustful tone.
Laxus smiled broadly as he introduced Freed who was emerging from the small changing area, “Have you met Mrs. Clause?” They both looked at Freed Justine, Mira couldn’t help but stare with a gaped jaw.
She was surprised at how sexy Freed looked dressed up in a classic red leather corset with white trim and all the coordinating fasteners and lacing in place. His red fishnet thigh highs and connectors accentuated his strong male legs in a fashion that Mira didn’t realize could be sexy. His tight bikini pleather underwear peeked out from the bottom of the corset slightly. He finished the look with a pair of black chunky high-heeled boots.
Bickslow walked up next to Mira, “You never saw him as Dr. Frankenfurter did you, Mira?”
Mira simply shook her head with her mouth open.
Cobra also joined them, “Yo Mira, you still have a whole night ahead of yourself. You can show Santa and Mrs. Clause how good you’ve been later when this shit show is over.”
Mira turned her attention to Bickslow and Cobra eyeing them up and down as well, “Why have I never thought of this event before now? The women are gonna love it!” She clapped her hands again, “How are the rest of the elves?”
“Sis, why couldn’t I have just used my magic? It would have been way more MANLY than this.” Elfman came up to his sister, he was wearing a white furry ensemble that consisted of a collar, wrist cuffs, faux white fur speedo, and mukluks.
Mira held a tight smile, “I think next year I will have you dressed as something else.”
Cobra snickered, “Yea because she can never unsee how manly you are in a white fluffy speedo!”
Mira shot Cobra a glare but who was everyone kidding, there was no taking any of these men seriously dressed in next to nothing.
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Out in the heart of the guild, most of the women were relaxing and enjoying their drinks courtesy of the barely dressed wait staff.
Lucy eyed the rest of team Natsu while she sat next to Erza. “You know, I think Gray is enjoying this a little too much,” Lucy smirked as she sipped her eggnog cocktail nodding in Gray’s direction. Gray was wearing silver form-fitted leather pants with matching silver cuffs on his wrists and a bow tie.
Erza nodded as she turned to look, “Yes, for once he doesn’t have to worry about where all his clothes are.”
The ladies all chuckled, Lisanna started to blush deeply, “Natsu seems awfully comfortable.” She watched the fire mage walk around in skin-tight red leather pants that were slung low on his hips. Lisanna couldn’t tear her eyes off the deep V cut in his hips.
Lucy smirked at the petite mage, “Oh honey, this is right up his alley.” she winked at Lisanna. Lucy knew her partner well and over the years, he really developed out of his oddly boyish innocence. It was actually a front for just how kinky he really was. Granted, Lucy did not know from first-hand experience, it was an accidental discovery.
Out of all the men milling around, she noticed how the Thunder Legion was absent along with Cobra. She figured pretty fast who Santa was probably going to be but she was concerned about Cobra.
Cobra didn’t outrightly object but anyone who had a working set of eyes could see how visibly uncomfortable he was with the whole idea when it was announced. When he eyed the celestial maiden at the planning meeting, she gave him a look of sympathy and thought encouraging words that she knew he would hear.
Cobra hardly had an argument, the evening was meant as a charity event so if he backed out he would look like a total dick. Mira would be pissed and if Mira was pissed then Laxus was pissed and if Laxus was pissed then Freed was a nightmare. He didn’t stand a chance.
The whole premise of the event was an evening out for the women, there were door prizes, and the chance to sit on Santa’s lap. Really though, the main draw was the fact that the Fairy Tail men were going to be dressed up, or in Mira’s words, ‘dressed down for the holidays’.
Other guilds were invited to join in the festivities to help raise money for Fiore's homeless program. Of course, Fairy Tail just couldn’t raise funds conventionally they had to raise them the only way they knew how. Boisterous drunken fun with music, dancing, and scantily clad people.
Lucy knew this whole concept was orchestrated by Mira as payback for the years of humiliating circumstances all the women had to endure in the name of charity. There was only one simple rule for the evening, look but don’t touch. This was the common rule of thumb for every event where there were scantily clad individuals. Just because their skin was showing did not mean it was an open invitation.
As she scanned the crowd, she knew right away there would be some trouble when she eyed some of the other guild’s women cozying up to the waiters. Juvia was practically boiling as Sorano leaned in closer than necessary to Gray to order her drink.
Lucy just shook her head, the last thing she wanted tonight was drama, so she was going to steer clear of it tonight. Just a relaxing evening where she was not the object of attention for once. She was there to support the cause and her guildmates. Truth be told she had little to no desire to sit on the lightning rod’s lap.
Mira had finally come out on stage, she was elegantly dressed as a beautiful snow queen. The woman was gorgeous beyond comparison. She greeted the crowd and asked for everyone to take their seats.
“Ladies, Santa is ready to hear all of your deepest Christmas desires. He’ll let you know if you’ve been naughty or nice this year.” Mira coo’d delightfully which garnered cheers from the room. She followed this announcement with a saucy rendition of Santa Baby. Lucy couldn’t help but feel that pang of jealousy at how beautiful and talented she was.
After the song Mira explained how selection would take place, Santa’s helpers would circulate around the guild and select women to visit Santa.
The curtains of the stage opened to reveal the classic vision of Santa’s village with his candy cane decor the only thing missing was Santa’s seat. Everyone cheered, delighted at the phenomenal set. The cheering grew into catcalling as the Elfman came out carrying Santa’s throne and standing off to the side looking rather uncomfortable.
The women at her table giggled at the sight of Elfman while observing how Evergreen was fanning herself furiously.
Next came out Santa’s reindeer, Bickslow and his babies practically pranced onto the stage to go stand next to Elfman. Erza turned to the table, “I had no idea that Bickslow kept his body in such amazing shape.”
Cana snorted, “Yea, and that amazing body does amazing things in bed.” she laughed heartily as the women all showed a slight blush on their cheeks.
Up next was Santa’s elf, Cobra. Lucy noted how stiff and tense he was, but what caught her attention most was the amazing body he hid so well. She understood immediately why he hid it as she had her own scars over the years that she did not want to share.
Lucy thought about the magical cream she used on hers and wondered if it would help him as well. She pictured herself massaging it gently on his skin. What she didn’t notice was how Cobra’s attention became suddenly fixated on her and her thoughts.
They were both brought out of the momentary daydreaming by Mira’s voice, “Well ladies, here we have Santa’s helpers! The handsome abominable snowman, the oh-so-delicious reindeer, and his sexy elf.”
Mira turned her body toward the side of the stage, “Now, may I present to you all Mr. and Mrs. Clause.”
Lucy looked at the rest of the women at her table when Mira announced the Mrs. part only to be met with shrugs. They all but died when they saw Freed dressed as Mrs. Clause. The room was filled with giggles, whistles, and catcalls.
Laxus followed right behind Freed carrying a large sack that accentuated how muscular he was. He waved a quick salute to the crowd of women and sat down on his chair.
Cana leaned into the table of women, “DAMN I didn’t know Mrs. Clause could turn me on so much.”
Santa’s helpers began to filter around the room selecting women and lining them up at the stage stairway, from there Freed waited to escort them to Sana himself.
The plan was to work their way from the edges to the center. Since Lucy and her crew were dead center, there was plenty of time to watch the fun before she had to refuse the invitation.
Lucy watched as most of the women enjoyed their evening, drinking and chatting. The men laughing and flirting, with the exception of one cranky elf. While he did have a congenial smile plastered on his face, Cobra was far from happy and it was clear to Lucy. She watched him far more closely than the rest.
There were some tense moments as she watched some of the other rowdier guild’s women get a little more handsy but the men seemed to manage it well enough. However, Lucy did catch an incident that almost had her on her feet.
Cobra had been unlucky enough to get a table of Blue Pegasus guild members. It was apparent that the women were pushing their limits through out the evening. Lucy could not see what was happening directly since Cobra’s body blocked her view. What she did see was his back stiffen straight as a board, shoulders tense and shaking.
Then she saw it, Jenny Realight’s hand snake around his side and down to his hip. Why he wasn’t stopping her was beyond Lucy's comprehension, but she knew it wasn’t his normal reaction.
Lucy attempted to speak to Cobra hoping he would tune into her soul and hear her, “Cobra, I don’t know what is happening, but walk away from her right now.”
She grew frustrated when he didn’t immediately do as she said so she tried again more gently, “Cobra, please look in my direction, I know you can hear me, and I am concerned.”
He turned around and she was surprised to see his face completely devoid of any emotion. She decided to smile warmly at him, “That’s it Cobra, walk away from her and send Elfman over there. He won’t ask questions and she cannot stand him.”
His face broke from the devoid look, shaking it off he smirked at the blonde, tipping his head in thanks. When Jenny went to reach out again he all but barked at her to keep her hands to herself.
Lucy had been thankful it was managed peacefully because if she had gotten up and gone to the table, she would have run the risk of shutting down the whole event. Whatever Jenny did to Cobra, it didn’t sit well with Lucy, at all, and a scene of epic proportions would have taken place.
After about an hour more of activity, there was an intermission in the festivities. Lucy noted how Cobra immediately bolted for the side exit. Lucy had every intention of following him out to check on him.
As she walked along she was repeatedly greeted by many of the patrons wanting to chit-chat or buy her a drink. She kindly refused as quickly as she could and when she finally made it outside she all but lost her ever-loving mind.
There before her was Cobra, standing in the cold snowy night with his breath billowing out at an unnatural pace with that vacant look. Then there was Jenny, her hands all over his scarred chest. She looked like a cat in heat as she rubbed her whole body against him as he stood completely still. Lucy heard the last of her comments, something about sucking his candy cane and her mind flipped.
Lucy found herself nearly running toward the woman, approaching Jenny with full force and shoving her to the snow-slushed ground roughly. Lucy stood over her as Jenny sat shocked by what happened.
“What the fuck is wrong with you?” Lucy yelled down at the bewildered woman.
“What is wrong with me? What the fuck is wrong with you? What is your problem? He and I were just having a little fun.” Jenny responded completely unaware of the anger she just unleashed in the celestial maiden.
Loke appeared instantly by her side, a little unsure as to what was going on, only responding to the profound amount of anger that his master suddenly felt. Wisely he refrained from greeing her in his normal manner since his key holder began to shake in anger.
“My problem? My problem is you don’t think, you just do what you want. What gives you the right to touch him?” Lucy’s face began to flush from getting upset. Her lungs were stinging slightly from the deep breaths she took.
Cobra was snapping out of his small daze and watched the scene before him. The twat waffle on the ground was thinking all sorts of self-entitled thoughts. The lion cub was trying to still figure out what was going on. Then there was the light of Fairy Tail, currently looking like a fire-breathing dragoness and sounding like an amazon warrior ready to go into battle. Her soul sounded like some kind of cliche ancient war drum.
Jenny looked over to Cobra and smiled, “He didn’t seem to mind.” Jenny had shifted to get up and it was at that opening of opportunity that Lucy kicked the woman back down to the ground.
“Your dumber than you look if you think that was the look of someone who liked what you were doing. Or maybe you are just that bad.” Lucy snickered in disgust.
“Listen here you little Fairy cunt..” Jenny seethed as she stood up, she didn’t even get a chance to start her rant before Lucy went to charge the woman.
Jenny jumped into a defensive stance just as Cobra grabbed Lucy around the waist and stopped her forward motion. Just as he did that Leo stepped between them. Pushing his glasses up his nose, “Listen, Jenny, no one calls my princess a cunt and gets away with it. Could you imagine what Master Bob would say if he found out about your behavior?”
At Leo’s words, Jenny started stammering in response but was cut off when Leo held his hand up for her to stop, “Let me finish, if you were smart you would apologize to my friends here and be on your way.”
Jenny eyed Leo for a moment debating how much truth was in his words, once she remembered that he is a celestial spirit she knew it was 100% true. She glared over at Cobra who happened to be holding Lucy still by the waist, the blonde seemed to have calmed but her eyes were still raging. Jenny just shrugged and tilted her head to the side slightly, “Sorry” and with that meaningless apology, she turned around and re-entered the building.
Cobra let Lucy go once Jenny was no longer in their presence. He felt a little ill at ease knowing what just transpired. “Thanks” was all he could just about get out. No harsh tone, no snide remarks.
Lucy looked toward Loke and as if he could read her mind, “I’ll run in and grab your stuff.”
Lucy nodded her head in thanks, then turned her attention to Cobra. She smiled a little sheepishly realizing how bat-shit crazy she went, “Umm.. your welcome”
Cobra chuckled slightly and shook his head as Lucy conjured imagery of how she must have appeared, “No, you didn’t look like that much of a lunatic.”
He gave her a look that Lucy had trouble identifying, “But you were pretty fuckin’ hot.”
Lucy began to blush, “Thanks, I think…”
Before anything more could be said between the two Leo showed up with both Lucy’s coat and Cobra’s. “Virgo has all your other stuff so you don’t have to carry it.”
As Cobra put on his coat he felt more warm and secure, he was still a little rattled as to what exactly happened. All he knew is that the blonde in front of him was sending him a silent invitation back to her place to warm up. He couldn't find the strength to decline the invitation.