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Nick’s hands were shaking. Fuck.
His eyes darted between the piles of clothing on the floor he had spontaneously tried to organize to the stack of receipts that he had wanted to sort the previous night. Stuff was strewn everywhere, and his heart felt like it was going to pound out of his chest.
Nick gulps down water, and rubs his forehead roughly. Had he had too much sugar again? Was he stressed about something he couldn't remember? Was he getting sick?
A knock at his bedroom door jerked him out of his spiral, and the door creaked open to reveal Charlie, standing there a little sheepish.
“Hi!” he said brightly. “Your mum let me in?”
Nick gaped at him for a second. “Did we make plans?”, he says frantically, searching his mind. “I swear, I’m not normally this forgetful--”
Charlie cocks his head to one side, looking a little like a confused puppy. “We were just texting this morning?” He walks into the room, and Nick feels a little like he’s under a microscope.
If the microscope was wearing an Adidas jumper that definitely belonged to him and ripped jeans, that is. Nick continues frantically searching his mind for when they’ve made plans, but his brain keeps going back to the pile of clothes on the floor. Hadn’t he planned to squeeze in a quick run after he had put everything away? What was he even keeping the receipts for anyways?
Something pokes his arm, and Nick nearly jumps out of his skin. “Fuck!” he exclaims, clenching his hands into fists, not realizing how close Charlie had gotten to him while his mind was racing.
“You seriously don’t remember? You’re looking a little pale,” Charlie frowns. “You ok?”
Nick doesn't know how to answer that question. He logically knows there isn't anything to worry about. They’re on break, he has no assignments due, but his hands won’t stop shaking .
He must look like he’s about to break down, because Charlie immediately folds him into a hug. “Hey, you’re good. You want to lie down?”
Nick smushes his nose against Charlie’s neck, breathing shakily. “I feel like I’m about to explode,” he says. Charlie says nothing, and Nick squeezes his eyes shut.
“I don’t usually get stress tremors or anything but my hands won’t stop fucking shaking and my mind will not shut up and I cannot figure out for the life of me why,” Nick finally says, all in a rush. “I want it to stop,” and he’s feeling so crap that he doesn’t even care that he sounds like he’s about to start sobbing.
Charlie’s hand begins rubbing circles on his back. “C’mon,” he says, painfully gentle. “Breathe with me, alright?”
Nick tries to sync up his breathing to Charlie’s, a familiar practice they’ve done whenever one of them is freaking out on the other.
After about a minute of quiet breathing, Charlie speaks up again. “Did you have coffee today?”
Nick mmhms an affirmative. Since he hadn’t been sleeping too well over the past few days, he had really wanted to have a productive day. He’d even made a list. (Wash sheets, rearrange closet, surf the internet for some fun stickers…)
Charlie pulls away a little, so he can see Nick’s face. He’s doing a little frown. “You know what coffee jitters are?”
And everything clicks. “I’m an idiot for not thinking of that,” Nick gripes, trying to shove his face back into Charlie’s neck.
Charlie shakes his head. “I remember the first time I tried coffee, I drank two mugs full because I wasn’t feeling anything and I felt like I was going to die for about 6 hours.” He huffs a little laugh. “It feels horrible but I don’t think there’s anything you can do but wait it out. I know Google says exercise could help?”
The absolute last thing Nick wants to think about right now is the fact that he hasn't gotten in his workout for today. “I don’t think I’m up for anything right now, I just want to crash on the bed,” he admits.
They end up on the bed, Charlie basically on top of him. “Your personal weighted blanket,” he says, playfully poking Nick’s cheek. “ I got you.”
Nick fists his hands in Charlie’s jumper. “I…” he starts, but he can’t seem to get any more words out.
“Hey, hey, I got you. Just chill out for a while, I’ve got you.” Charlie says. “We can try something else if this doesn’t work.”
And with that, Nick breaks. “Today’s been so fucking confusing,” he sobs. “I just want it to be over.” He swallows hard, as Charlie clutches him tighter.
Charlie doesn’t say anything, just holds him and rubs his shoulder as his sobs wind down. He can feel himself crashing, and before he knows it, he’s asleep.
When Nick wakes up, his throat and eyes hurt from crying, and the room’s dim. There’s a note tacked to the picture of him and Charlie sitting on his bedside table. Gone to have a cuppa downstairs with your mum. Text me when you’re awake -C x
Nick lays awake for a while, and tries to remember the last five hours. All he remembers is his hands shaking, Charlie hugging him, and them collapsing into bed.
He pushes himself up on one elbow, and gropes for his phone. Awake , he texts, and flops back down, still feeling a bit shaky.
A minute later, he hears socked feet on the stairs, and Charlie shuffles into the room. “Hi,” Nick says, smiling.
“You’re ridiculous, you know?” says Charlie, sitting down on the edge of the bed. “Feeling any better?”
“Yeah,” Nick says, picking at a loose thread on the bedspread. “I’m never drinking coffee again. I’m so sorry I freaked out on you.”
“No s-word, remember?” says Charlie, eyes crinkling. “Seriously. You doing ok? Tori nearly took me to the emergency room when it happened to me.”
Nick laughs. “Yeah. A little shaky still but nothing I can’t handle.” He pauses. “Thanks so much for earlier. I’m. Just. Uh.” He clears his throat. “Thank you,” he repeats.
Charlie swings his legs onto the bed, cuddling up to Nick. “I’m your boyfriend. I’ll always be here for you, ok?”
Nick inhales. Exhales. Inhales and exhales again. “OK.”