Archive of Our Own

Veni

All of his years as a fanboy, never in his wildest dreams did he think he would lock eyes with Wik and have him smile at Chay. He felt almost surreal in the midst of the cheering crowd in his school. 

The out of body experience continued until the eighteen-year-old stood face to face with his idol and somehow he had asked for a guitar tutoring lesson and Wik had agreed. 

Fast forward a couple of weeks later, Chay found himself walking into the swankiest music studio. Wik was just conversing with the studio manager about the equipment when he looked up and caught sight of Chay. 

Chay twitched where he stood with him tugging on the guitar case strap on his shoulder as a gesture of comfort. He had never felt so out of place up until then. 

His underprivileged background with his sole family member, his older brother being the breadwinner of the family never really allowed him many luxuries, one of those was attending music classes. 

Chay never faulted his brother, in fact he was eternally grateful that his hia did the best he could to retain a roof over their heads and put meals on their table. Sure, on some days he never really got the chance for second servings or a larger meal when his teenage body demanded it. Regardless, he was grateful for whatever amount of food they had, with Chay always ensuring that his brother had enough too. 

Anyway, YouTube became a goldmine of guitar lessons for Chay.

Lost in his thoughts, it caught him by surprise when Wik waved his hand in front of Chay’s face.

“Porchay? Everything okay?” Wik questioned, with a smile and raised eyebrows. 

“Yes, sorry. Just lost in thoughts. It’s nothing,” Chay quickly added with a sheepish smile of his own.

Just one day with his idol and he was already losing the faculty of his mind. 

“I understand that all of this,” Wik waved his hand around, gesturing at the expanse of the studio with the various instruments and a recording booth. “Can be very overwhelming to you”

“Is it that obvious that I’m new to all of this, P’Wik?” Chay copied the same gesture that Wik did, with a shy smile. 

“You have that wide-eyed wonder about you since you first walked in and I kinda figured,” Wik walked around to the bench in front of the piano and took a seat. He patted the empty space beside him on the bench. 

Chay hurried to sit beside him, taking care to gently rest his guitar near the foot of the bench.  

“Cool guitar,” Wik nodded at his guitar and Chay smiled.

“Thank you, P’Wik. My brother got it for me,” Chay glanced down at his guitar fondly.

Porsche had bargained the price of the guitar to an affordable price at the flea market, even though Chay had insisted that he didn’t need a guitar. It didn’t matter that the guitar was quite beat up and wore signs of ageing. Chay loved it all the same and he restored the guitar by himself little by little. 

He felt a sudden pang of longing because he missed his brother very much. All Chay’s texts to Porsche were left unanswered and he reassured himself that his brother was busy with work.

“Here, look” Wik had slid an empty music sheet and a marker pen on top of the closed piano cover.

Chay had slid closer to look at what his music idol was writing on the paper and he caught a whiff of the musician’s cologne. Chay resisted the urge to close his eyes and bask in the comforting scent.

Training his eyes on the music sheet, Chay noticed that Wik had written his name on the paper.

WIꓘ

Chay furrowed his eyebrows in confusion and glanced at Wik, waiting for him to explain. He laughed at Chay’s confused look and flipped the paper upside down.

“My name’s Kim. Wik is my music persona. You can call me Kim. See,” He used the marker pen to point at the paper.

Chay mouthed the words on the paper, “Kim.”

“There we go. Very good, Porchay,” Kim praised him with an indulgent smile. Porchay, surprised by the praise, blushed profusely. 

“Shall we start our lesson, P’Kim?” Chay squeaked out in panic. 

Kim laughed softly and nodded, picking up his own guitar. 

So, that marked the beginning of their music lessons and Chay’s carefully structured heartbreak.

Vidi

It was a very hectic orientation week in his school and Chay was part of the organising committee. He had been on his feet since dawn helping run all the events and programs of that day, also keeping all the new juniors in line. Was Chay such a rowdy junior? He didn’t think so. 

In the haze of his exhaustion, Chay bumped into someone and fell right onto his ass with a yell, into an undignified heap on the floor. All the prop items he was holding scattered everywhere. 

Too disorientated and in shock, he hadn’t realised that someone was squatting down in front of him offering their hand to help him up. 

“I’m so sorry-” Chay started and reached out for the hand, grasping it. Only then did he look up and his words caught in his throat. 

Chay must have the worst luck in this world because only he would run into Macau Theerapanyakun and embarrass himself. 

“Hey, are you okay?” Macau sounded concerned but also like he was holding back a smile at the hilarious situation.

Macau helped Chay to his feet and Chay couldn’t help but notice the ease and strength the other male had when helping him to his feet. 

“Y-yeah, I’m okay. Thank you and sorry again,” Chay stuttered and he could just slap himself. 

Well, to be fair, Chay can’t be blamed for his current predicament. Macau Theerapanyakun was both notorious and desired after by the large student population in his school. 

It was not spoken out loud that Macau was from an infamous family. The name Theerapanyakun sent shivers down everyone’s spines. Perhaps it was that notoriety which lent him his desirability. 

Nope, he has a nice physique too. Chay’s quick glance at Macau confirmed that. 

“It’s okay, no harm done,” Macau grinned and looked pointedly at their still joined hands.

“Ah, sorry!” Chay let go of Macau’s hand immediately, wishing he could just disappear off of this planet. 

Chay looked around and quickly picked up all the prop items he dropped.  Simultaneously trying to find ways to skedaddle and save himself from more humiliation. Unfortunately, the ever present bodyguards around Macau had created a barricade around them. 

Was Chay going to be punished for accidentally bumping into Macau? He took a step back in growing concern. 

Noticing Chay’s unease, Macau cocked his head and signalled the bodyguards to blend into the background. 

Chay only marginally relaxed and tried to walk past Macau but the young Theerapanyakun called out his name.

“Porchay right?”

Chay froze in his steps and slowly turned around. He hadn’t expected Macau to even know his existence. 

Still on edge, Chay could only nod and look uncertainly at Macau. The other man had an easygoing smile aimed at Chay and Chay was completely speechless at what was going on.

“You did a great job performing earlier,” Macau complimented Chay and he blushed. 

This-this was really bad. Chay had only discovered that he had a thing for being praised for his musical abilities. P’Kim was to be blamed for his newfound discovery. 

“Thank you. I have a great teacher,” Chay can’t help but smile thinking of P’Kim. 

Macau chuckled and nodded, aiming his gaze at the amount of props Chay was holding in his arms.

“Let me help you,” Macau insisted and before Chay had a chance to decline because he didn’t  want to trouble anyone, the young Theerapanyakun had scooped up some of the props from Chay. 

“I-Thank you, Khun Macau,” Chay said, adjusting the props in his arms. 

“Pshhhh, just Macau. My friends call me Macau,” Macau laughed.

Chay nodded and headed toward the direction of the storage room where he was initially headed to put the props. Macau followed him and to his relief, the entourage of bodyguards were nowhere in sight.

Upon reaching the storage room, Chay’s hands were too full to open the door. 

“I got it,” Macau grinned, balanced the props in his right arm and used his left hand to turn the doorknob open.

Chay smiled his thanks and walked into the storage room, both him and Macau depositing the prop items onto the table there. 

They walked out of the storage room and Chay shut the door behind him, turning to look at Macau. 

Chay wanted to reiterate his thanks and bid his goodbye but Macau had other plans.

“My friends and I are going to a local music festival tomorrow, and I’m inviting you, friend.” Macau winked, leaning back against the wall. 

Chay was stunned for a bit. Macau and Chay’s friend circles had never conflated. They were from different social circles and if Chay were being honest, students from the wealthier families like Macau’s would never think of being friends with students like Chay.

His hesitation may have been palpable because Macau’s smile softened. 

“You don’t have to go if you don’t want to. I just figured you’d enjoy it,” Macau stepped away from the wall, from where he was leaning. 

Truthfully, Chay was lonely. His brother had been absent for months and his texts were still unanswered. Chay had no one to spend time with at home and his day only became better during the times when P’Kim visited him at his house for music lessons. 

P’Kim was unavailable for a few weeks because he was busy with the production of his next album. Chay felt the loneliness with the absence of P’Kim’s regular visits.

Perhaps it was that loneliness which made Chay throw caution to the wind and quickly let out “Okay, sure. I’ll come with you.”

Macau’s answering smile marked the beginnings of their friendship and Chay’s calculated devastation.

Vici

Chay was in trouble. There was no way to put it. He knew that what he felt was far from normal nor the conventional way relationships work. 

He was in love, not with one person but two. 

Kim and Macau. 

It didn’t begin that way. 

First, he fell for P’Kim. His gentle coaching when Chay was playing the guitar had grown into a warm fuzzy feeling in his heart. The way he was so incredibly patient with Chay when he messed up a chord or when he lacked the self-confidence to write his own music. He gently coaxed Chay into a space he was comfortable enough to write, never making him feel less than when some of his lyrics didn’t exactly sound right. His gentle touches combined with his encouraging praises when guiding Chay’s fingers on the guitar strings set his heart on a rampage. Chay longed to hear the lovely praises on the lonely nights he slept in his too large and empty house. His love for P’Kim grew slowly like the changing of seasons. 

It was the complete opposite when he found himself having feelings for Macau. It was fast and intense. Macau was a tactile creature and he was always touching and offering physical affection to all his friends in his vicinity. Chay never really realised just how touch starved he was. It quickly became a norm for some part of his skin to be attached to Macau’s. An arm around Chay’s shoulder, a pat on his head, his knee knocking into his gently. Whenever Chay gets too caught up in his head and thoughts worrying about his brother, Macau always seemed to sense it and he would wrap an arm around Chay giving him physical comfort. The firm touches were what Chay needed to keep him grounded and away from the maudlin thoughts that consumed him.

P’Kim offered him the emotional support he needed while Macau grounded l with his physical affection. 

Chay had spent countless nights staying up and puzzling through his feelings. He fought the demons in his head accusing him of being a harlot for liking two people at the same time. He wished longingly that Porsche were there to help him through this. Part of him also felt guilty because his brother was out there working hard to ensure Chay’s security.

Then, one day, Porsche did visit unexpectedly and Chay dropped everything he was holding to give his big brother a tight hug. 

“Chay, are you okay?” Porsche pulled back from the hug and runs his gaze over Chay in concern. 

Okay, so he may have struggled with his sleep battling the demons in his head and trying to rationalise his feelings for liking two men.

“I’m okay, hia. Tell me all about you,” Chay gushed, diverting the attention from himself. His brother did not disappoint.

Chay learnt that his brother was seeing two people too (the irony). Porsche was in a polyamorous relationship with some people at the workplace. He was hesitant to share their names because it was still such a new development.

Upon Porsche’s confession, his older brother looked at Chay as if fearing his judgement. 

Chay snorted and laughed, hugging his brother.

“ Hia , I’m very happy for you!” 

Porsche let out a grateful breath and hugged Chay tighter. 

Porsche spent about three days with Chay before leaving, claiming that his days off were over. During those three days, he had texted both Kim and Macau that he was spending time with his brother and he wouldn’t be able to meet up with each of them. 

It also gave Chay some space to think, away from both men who held his heart in their palms.

The day Porsche left, Chay was a mess. He put up a strong front reassuring his older brother that he would be okay. He didn’t expect the absence of his brother to hit him so hard after months of not seeing him. 

In a grey mood, Chay had reached for his phone and texted P’Kim asking if he could give him a call. He had just wanted to hear reassuring words from P’Kim that Chay was not overreacting in feeling that way. Unfortunately, there was no reply from him and Chay figured he was busy with some work. 

He texted Macau and asked if they could meet up and there was no reply from Macau for about an hour, which was strange. Macau was a fast replier and the delay was odd. 

Chay made up his mind that he would visit Macau’s house, having visited it a few times in the past couple of months. 

He hailed a cab and made his way to the Theerapanyakun mansion. He would never get used to just feeling so out of place whenever he visited. When visited previously, Macau was always with him and he always ensured that they would leave early, never staying longer than necessary. 

The guards let him in, having seen him with Macau multiple times. Chay made his way up the stairs to Macau’s room and as he walked through the familiar path, he heard raised voices coming from Macau’s room. The door was left open ajar and Chay stepped closer, peering through the gap.

His heart plummeted to his stomach.

“What the fuck do you mean we can’t tell him yet?!” Macau hollered and Chay flinched. He had never heard Macau raise his voice like that before. 

Chay moved closer to catch a glimpse of the other person in the room and he would know that side profile of the person anywhere.

“We have to find the right time to tell him. His brother just left and Chay would be heartbroken,” P’Kim’s voice sounded hushed compared to Macau’s booming voice.

Chay stood frozen. How did P’Kim know that his brother just left? The notification showed that his message was left unread.

“I can’t keep doing this, Kim. He deserves better,” Macau’s voice went so quiet and Chay had to lean his side against the wall, he felt like the ground was breaking beneath him.

“I know, Macau. I know. This- we shouldn’t have allowed it to go on this far. We should have ended our investigation with Porchay when we found out that Porsche posed no threat for Vegas and Kinn,” Kim said, running his hand through his hair.

Chay was well acquainted with that gesture. It meant Kim was distressed. Chay couldn’t bring himself to process that. Everything was happening too fast. 

“Vegas and Kinn and Porsche get to live their happily ever after while we fucked over Chay,” Macau said bitterly.

So that was who his brother was dating. Vegas and Kinn.

P’Kim said nothing and that seemed to anger Macau more. 

“Even a blind man could see that he had feelings for the both of us,” P’Kim let out in a hushed voice and that punched out all the air in Chay’s lungs and he fell to his knees, stumbling into the room. 

Both sets of eyes turn rapidly to the source of the disruption and they froze, both their faces gradually losing colour. 

It felt like everything was happening in slow motion. Macau took a step towards Chay with his hand held out and Kim said “Chay-”

Chay stumbled back on his knees and hurriedly got to his feet, his throat closed up with unvoiced emotions.

“This-I-why-” Chay couldn’t complete his sentence and could feel his eyes tearing up. He didn’t want to give them the satisfaction of seeing him cry. But he could feel that it was a rapidly losing battle. 

“Chay, please- let us explain” Kim said and they took a step closer to Chay, like how they would to a spooked animal. 

“No!” Chay yelled out “Stay away from me!”

Macau and Kim froze in their tracks, they had never heard that level of anguish from Chay. Macau ached to wrap his arms around Chay and Kim wanted badly to reassure Chay, to explain everything.

“I let you into my home. I trusted you. Both of you,” Chay gasped out, hugging his own arms and refusing to look at both of them. 

“Y-you knew I had feelings for you and y-you just-” Chay’s voice broke and he didn’t even realise that tears were streaming down his cheeks. 

The sound of rushing footsteps behind him was heard too late before bodyguards stormed into the room and grabbed Chay’s arms.

Chay gasped in shock and fear settled into his bones, his body going into fight or flight mode. He struggled against their hold.

“Let him go!” Kim roared, him and Macau bodily shoved away the bodyguards. That was the scene that Porsche, Kinn and Vegas walked into. The triad were dressed haphazardly, having halted their bedroom dalliance and pulled on whatever clothes they could find to rush toward the commotion. 

Porsche immediately punched the bodyguard who was holding onto Chay’s arm and pulled his little brother to shelter him behind his back.

“What the fuck is going on here?” Vegas demanded, taking in the situation. 

Kim and Macau were glaring at the bodyguards. Kinn was walking toward his brother and cousin. Porsche was torn between checking in on Chay and glaring at Kim and Macau. 

“I want the bodyguards out right now,” Kinn seethed and the rest of the bodyguards scurried to obey.

It was just them in the room now. 

Choked sobs and gasping breaths could be heard from Chay, wrapped in Porsche’s arms. 

“I’m taking Chay home,” Porsche announced and just as Vegas made to follow Porsche, the older Kittisawat brother shot a glare at both Kinn and him. “Alone,” he hissed and walked with Porchay out the door.

The heads of the minor and major Theerapanyakun clans turned their menacing gaze onto the youngest Theerapanyakuns.

“One of you better explain right the fuck now, just what happened,” Kinn said in a tone which broke no arguments.

Kim and Macau were gaping at each other at a loss for words. 

“Let’s sit down and talk about this,” Kinn sighed and heralded them towards the couch. Kim and Macau sank onto the couch side by side.

Vegas felt a smidgeon of pity aimed at Macau. His younger brother was rarely speechless, being the extroverted sibling. 

“Kim?” Vegas prompted and watched as Kim ran a shaky hand through his hair.

“Macau and I, we befriended Chay in order to get information about Porsche. I was worried that we would have a repeat of the Tawan incident. I wanted to make sure that Porsche wasn’t a spy. I came up with the idea and suggested it to Macau. It was my idea,” Kim said tonelessly. 

Macau shook his head, covering Kim’s hand and giving it a fond squeeze. Even now, his cousin was looking out for him.

“No, it was my idea too. I saw how quickly phi was getting acquainted with Porsche,” Macau glanced up at his older brother and looked away. “I just wanted to make sure that Porsche was not a dangerous person,” Macau’s shoulders were tense and it belaid his anguish.

Kim continued after a beat of silence, “I met him at his school during a musical performance. Before booking the performance slot, I had already done a background  check on him and his social media. It was full of posts of me, he was a fan. He came up to me and asked for me to be his guitar tutor after my performance. That was my in.”

“I was already in the same school as him but we never crossed paths. I hadn’t even heard of his name prior to the day of my first time meeting him. I invited him to a music festival and I knew that his brother wasn’t around and he might feel lonely enough to want some company. I was right, he took the bait,” Macau laughed bitterly, leaning back against the couch. 

“We took turns spending time with him at his house and looking through everything, his rooms, his mobile devices,” Kim found that once he started confessing, he couldn’t stop. 

“Somewhere along the lines, he started developing feelings for us. He didn’t outwardly vocalise anything. We pieced together the puzzle with his change in demeanour around us,” Macau whispered. 

Then, they were all quiet. Kim and Macau swept up in their misery. Kinn and Vegas could only look at their brothers with heartbreaking fondness. Growing up in this damn family had made all of them paranoid and immediately on guard when a new presence entered their horizon.

They had their fathers to blame. Years of cultivating animosity between the cousins had lead to pointless competition amongst them. Once both patriarchs had died, it took some time for the cousins to mend their fractured relationship, which resulted in them being overprotective over each other.

“We hurt him, phi . He was nothing but genuine to us. He expected nothing, demanded nothing,” Macau let out brokenly, holding onto Kim’s hand. 

“He was so lonely, he was grateful when we spent time with him. Like it was causing us too much trouble to spend time with him,” Kim said softly, leaning back against the couch.

The older brothers couldn’t sit quietly any longer and they sat on each side of the younger Theerapanyakuns. Kinn rubbed Macau’s shoulder while Vegas gently patted Kim’s back.

“We’re so sorry our father’s fucked us up this bad for the both of you to resort to this to look after us,” Kinn said, locking his eyes with Vegas.

Vegas smiled sadly, nodding. “The sins of our fathers.”

“It was never our intention to hurt Porchay,” Macau said, leaning into P’Kinn’s embrace. 

“We know,” Kinn and Vegas squeezed Macau and Kim’s shoulders reassuringly. 

After a beat of silence, Vegas asked “How do you feel about Porchay?” 

He directed the question to both Kim and Macau. 

“A couple of days ago, Macau and I talked about it. We realised that we both like Porchay and we wanted to talk to Porchay about it. About us, maybe the three of us making a relationship work. Realising that he has feelings for both of us, we figured it was a plausible alternative,” Kim explained.

“And then Porchay overheard us having an argument today and everything just went to shit,” Macau slumped his shoulders.

“How do we fix this? Would Chay even forgive us?” Macau asked Kim, squeezing his cousin’s hand again.

“Give him some time. He needs some time and space,” Kinn advised, looking at Vegas in sympathy.

Their younger brothers were a mess and their hearts broke, knowing this was a situation they couldn’t fix. 

Chay took a week off from school, sick leave. He couldn’t bear the thought of running into Macau again at school and he made up his mind that he was going to stop attending the music lessons with P’Kim. 

He had shut off his phone right after arriving home from the mess that he had witnessed at Macau’s house. His mind had refused to process whatever had happened and Chay has been stewing in the hurt for almost a week now. 

Porsche was a constant soothing presence since they returned home together that day. His brother refused to go to work and stayed with Chay throughout the week. Porsche had asked only once if Chay wanted to talk about it but that had caused Chay to curl up into a ball of misery and Porsche embraced him in his arms, hating that his baby brother was in so much pain.

Porsche didn’t push Chay to talk about it, instead trusting his younger brother to come to him when he was ready. Vegas and Kinn had understood immediately when Porsche texted them that he wanted some time off to care for Chay. 

Giving his younger sibling some space and time had paid off because on the third day, Chay had sought Porsche out while he was cooking them up some breakfast and Chay told him everything while stuttering through tears. 

Chay told his hia about how he met P’Kim and Macau, explaining how he fell for each of them and then how he fell for them altogether. Porsche’s heart broke when his brother told him how he had battled with his thoughts about liking two people and the day he heard the argument between Macau and Kim. 

He regretted not being there to support Chay through this, chest feeling heavy at how alone Chay must have felt. Then came the anger, at the two younger Theerapanyakun idiots for messing with his brother’s heart. He wondered if Kinn and Vegas would kick up too much of a fuss if he were to whoop their asses. 

Porsche had demanded to Kinn and Vegas that Macau and Kim were to leave Chay alone and not bother his brother anymore.

Porsche would be lying if he said he wasn’t surprised by the revelation that his brother liked two people. Chay was always the more affectionate of them. 

Porsche could only scoop his brother into a tight hug, unable to stand the space between them.

Chay had relaxed into the hug like a huge burden was lifted off his shoulders, relieved that his brother hadn’t treated him any differently. 

Today was the day that Porsche was to head off to work after having a week off to take care of Chay. 

Porsche had wanted to take a couple of more days off but Chay saw his brother messaging Kinn and Vegas after they had enquired when Porsche would be back. Chay also saw Porsche replying to someone called Pete who had complained to Porsche about Kinn and Vegas being “sad lost puppies” while Porsche was away.

Chay felt guilty for keeping Porsche away from his lovers and truthfully, he was feeling a little less worse than he did earlier in the week.

So, Chay had insisted that Porsche return to work despite his older brother’s protests. 

“I will be back this weekend, Chay” Porsche pulled Chay into a hug at the front door, while Chay walked him out. “I’ve ordered you some food and it should be delivered in about an hour”.

“You don’t have to go to school on Monday if you’re not ready yet,” Porsche added, looking all frowny and concerned.

“ Hia , I will be okay. I can’t slack off school forever. I have an important interview and audition coming up at school. The one I told you about,” Chay laughed lightly.

“You could come stay with me at the compound,” Porsche offered half-heartedly, having already heard Chay’s refusal multiple times at the suggestion. Just the mere thought of running into P’Kim or Macau had Chay rapidly declining his brother’s suggestion. 

Porsche had tried asking Kinn and Vegas if Chay could stay with him at the compound and the two had agreed immediately. However, Porsche added a request if Kim and Macau could be kept away from the compound, away from Chay. Kinn had explained in a soothing tone that it wouldn’t reflect well on the other smaller families if a Theerapanyakun heir was being kept away from their own home. It added more to Chay’s guilt that he had put his brother in such a position. 

Porsche didn’t ask about keeping Kim and Macau away from the Kittisawat home because he had expected the two younger Theerapanyakuns to come banging at the door, grovelling for Chay’s forgiveness.

Part of Porsche was relieved that even almost a week later, Kim and Macau had seemingly respected Chay’s wishes and stayed away. Yet, the other part of him was miffed because they needed to do some grovelling and beg for Chay’s forgiveness. 

“I will be okay, hia . Honestly. I have to practise for my audition and study for some upcoming exams. I will be occupied and busy, so it’s all good,” Chay reassured his brother. 

“Okay, Chay,” Porsche pulled Chay into a hug again. “I love you, Chay.”

“I love you too, hia ,” Chay hugged his brother tightly, feeling grateful that his brother was here for him for a week. Taking care of Chay. “I’ll see you this weekend.”

“Alright, Porchay,” Porsche smiled. His brother walked over to his red Ducati motorbike and swung his leg over it. He put on the helmet and flipped up the face shield. 

“Text me or call me, for anything at all. I’m sorry but you have to turn on your phone for that,” Porsche looked apologetic.

“Sure, hia . I will. I’ve blocked their numbers anyway,” Chay shrugged nonchalantly, hoping he seemed okay to his brother.

His brother smiled softly and nodded, not buying Chay’s nonchalant demeanour one bit. Chay smiled and shook his head, walking towards his brother.

“Don’t worry about me, I’ll be okay. Now, go,” Chay shoved his brother’s shoulder playfully and both of them laughed. 

Porsche shot a two fingered salute to his brother and inserted his motorcycle key into the ignition, kick starting the bike. 

He rubbed his knuckle on Chay’s head playfully and Chay laughed again, pushing his brother’s hand away.

“Bye, Chay. See you this weekend,” His brother said and flipped the face shield closed on his helmet.

Chay took a step back and Porsche kicked up the kickstand, revving the engine of his motorcycle. 

His brother honked the horn of the motorbike at Chay and he rode off, Chay waving him goodbye until his brother disappeared from view. 

The calm only lasted until Chay set foot back in his house and shut the door. All the emotions he kept locked up inside him, had bubbled up to the forefront. Without Porsche there to distract him, all the ugly hurt and deep-aching loneliness hit him like waves. 

Chay stared at the vast emptiness of the house and his chest felt both heavy and hollow simultaneously. He barely remembered making his way to the couch to drop heavily on it. 

This was the couch that Macau had laid down on, looking like he had belonged in the house for years. 

Chay had let out a shaky breath and reached out his hand to grab the glass of water from the coffee table in front of him.

Taking slow sips from the glass, he noted that P’Kim used to gently rest his guitar on the coffee table when their music training sessions were at home. 

They’ve left their marks and pieces of themselves all over this house. Chay stopped himself from trying to pry apart which pieces were genuine and which weren’t. It was a fruitless endeavour. 

The ringing of the doorbell knocked Chay out of his haze and he recalled his brother saying earlier that he had ordered some food for Chay, which would be delivered in an hour. 

Chay made his way to the front door and swung it open, ready to hand some tips to the food delivery person. 

He stood there with his hand outstretched, holding some money and he was gaping like a fish. 

Macau and Kim stood before him, both of them smiling and looking hopefully at Chay. 

Chay’s brain was slow to pick up on the fact that the two people that broke his heart were standing right there. 

With a sharp intake of breath, Chay took a step back into the house and slammed the door shut at Kim and Macau’s shocked faces. 

He rested his back against the door and his heart thundered when he heard the raining of knocks.

“Chay, please open the door,” Macau pleaded.

“Porchay, please let us explain,” Kim said beseechingly. 

“No! Go away!” Chay yelled, shaking his head. 

“Please let us explain everything. We will tell you the truth. Everything,” Macau said, his voice so earnest.

“And then we will leave. We won’t bother you again,” Kim’s voice sounded equally as earnest. 

“Please, just give us a chance to explain, Chay,” Macau begged.

Chay tilted his head up and stared at the ceiling, weighing his options. The knocking had stopped. He could keep them locked out and wait until they leave. But what would that accomplish? It’d still be Chay having to deal with unresolved hurt for years to come. Chay deserved some closure, some explanation for the pain they caused Chay. Chay was done with shedding his tears over the whole mess. He wanted to get over the ache. Ultimately, that was the reason that solidified Chay’s resolve to open the door. 

He found the backs of the young Theerapanyakuns turned towards him as they were walking back towards the car they came in, their shoulders hunched. 

It was as though they could feel Chay’s eyes on them, the minor and major family heirs turned towards Chay. 

Chay locked eyes with them and cocked his head, signalling his permission for them to enter. 

As if they were obeying an order or a command, Macau and Kim scurried to make their way into the house.

Truthfully, Kim and Macau were scared that if they were any slower, Chay would retract his permission and slam the door shut in their faces again. 

For the number of times the youngest Theerapanyakun heirs had made themselves at home in the Kittisawat residence, they had never felt so out of place and unwelcomed as they do now. 

Macau presumed that they probably deserved to feel that way, especially since they took advantage of Porchay’s hospitality. 

Kim and Macau stood awkwardly in the middle of the living room, both now seemingly at a loss for words. 

Chay said absolutely nothing and looked at them with a blank look on his face. He stood at a distance in front of them. 

Kim was growing alarmed at the indifferent and emotionless look on Porchay’s face. The young Kittisawat’s face has always been an open book to Kim and Macau. Every happiness and discomfort expressed so openly on Porchay’s face. 

It was part of what drew Kim to Porchay. Porchay’s sincerity was a breath of fresh air amidst the stale and conniving crowd Kim was usually around. 

Chay looked at the couch behind them and tilted his chin towards it, signalling for them to sit.

They wasted no time in plopping their respective asses down on the couch. 

Chay sat on the singular armchair opposite them. 

The distance between them had Macau tamping down the urge to physically reach out and pull Chay into a hug. 

Back when before everything went to shit, Chay was always plastered to Macau’s side, always seeking physical comfort in harmless ways. Macau was more than happy to throw an arm around Chay or to pull him into unexpected hugs. From his previous experiences, people instigated physical affection as a means to an end, to bed him with hidden agendas. The way Chay sought him out for physical affection with no ulterior motive had filled Macau’s heart with butterflies. 

Though, Chay looked like he wouldn’t welcome any hugs right now. 

The silence between them was growing to undiscovered levels of awkwardness. 

Kim and Macau looked at each other, just as one of them was preparing to break the silence, Porchay said “I want the truth.”

Chay’s eyes never wavered from theirs.

Kim bit the bullet first. 

“I got close to you to investigate about your brother. I was concerned about his growing relationship with my brother, Kinn. Kinn’s ex, Tawan, was a spy sent to the family and he sold our secrets to the Italians. I didn’t want the same thing happening again. So, I researched about Porsche’s family and found you. I found your social media and saw that it was full of posts about me,” Kim stopped his explanation, looking down at the floor to keep his composure. He took a few deep breaths and looked up at Chay. 

“I used that to my advantage and got close to you. I booked a music show at your school knowing that you were studying there. When you approached me and asked me to tutor you, that was the perfect in for me,” Kim explained, his hands clenching and unclenching repeatedly. 

“All those times we had the music lessons here, they weren’t just music lessons, were they?” Chay questioned, his gaze fully focusing on Kim. 

Kim felt the weight of it and he was partly awed at how quickly Porchay pieced together the pieces. 

“No, I looked through your home trying to find any incriminating evidence. I found none,” Kim finished. 

There was a crack in Porchay’s mask, a wave of sadness flitted over his features and he looked away to the side. The cool and distant mask settled back on his face just as quickly it had left. 

Porchay then turned his eyes to Macau. “And you, Macau?”

Macau gulped and visibly straightened his shoulders, leaning forward towards Chay even with the distance between them. 

“I was concerned with how close P’Vegas and P’Porsche were getting. My father-” Macau stuttered and clenched his jaw in anger, hating the way the mere thought of his father still held fear over him. 

Chay’s heart thawed a bit at that. He remembered once when he visited Macau’s place, there was a picture of his father, Macau and his brother. Chay had asked about his father without much thought but the resounding silence from Macau during that time had scared Chay. Macau had seemed lost in his thoughts and Chay vowed to never bring up his father again. Good fathers wouldn’t put their sons through such a state just at the mention of them. 

“My father wasn’t kind to P’Vegas. He’d hit my brother and I was helpless when I was younger. My brother and I only had each other. We are very protective over each other. That’s why I wanted to check on the new person that was gaining my brother’s heart. I just wanted to make sure that my brother was safe. I looked around your place and your stuff too,” Macau’s voice lowered to a whisper towards the end. 

“Macau’s family and mine weren’t on the best of terms in our earlier years. Our fathers had built animosity amongst themselves and it seeped through to us as children. We were forced to always be vigilant ever since we were young,” Kim seemed to be holding himself in a rigid manner. 

Chay realised that Kim had never talked about his family before. Even during their music tutoring session when Chay had shared a story about him and Porsche, Kim never shared anything about his family. Kim never gave any indication that he bore the wounds of his upbringing by his father.

Macau had shown an inkling of it to Chay unintentionally but Kim never showed any indication of it. 

Both of them bore the invisible scars of their fathers and Chay’s heart breaks a little for them. His gaze softened on them in understanding. The pieces were starting to slowly fit together.

Chay could understand where Macau and Kim were coming from, why they did what they did. Albeit the extremities of it. 

Chay was fiercely protective of Porsche too. He and Porsche only had each other since he could remember and he would do almost anything for his hia. 

“We’re not telling this to you to score sympathy points or for you to feel bad for us. We promised you the truth and this is the truth,” Kim said, frowning and misunderstanding Chay’s understanding look for pity. 

Chay couldn’t help but snort at that, barely stopping himself from bursting into laughter. Trust Kim to shudder at the mere possibility of pity. 

That seemed to shatter the tense moment, Kim and Macau looked at each other in bafflement.

That set off Chay's laughter and he grabbed his stomach, laughter ringing through the house. 

“Chay, are you okay?” Macau asked, sounding a little unsure and Chay continued laughing. 

Kim exchanged another look of bewilderment with Macau and just their entire state of confusion made Chay laugh harder. 

Kim and Macau expected anger from Chay or even the cool indifferent silence. The last thing on their mind was Chay laughing.

“Should we call someone?” Kim sounded genuinely concerned and Chay burst into a whole peels of laughter. 

He managed to calm himself after a few beats and took deep breaths, clutching his stomach.

“I’m okay. I just-” Chay wiped at the corner of his eyes, he didn’t realise that tears of laughter were streaming down his cheeks. 

Just like that, it was like a dam was broken within Chay and his laughter died, now fresh tears pooling in his eyes. 

“I’m sorry that your fathers did that to you. You were so young, both of you didn’t deserve that,” Chay gasped out, his heart aching for those once young boys. 

“And it’s not pity. It’s just- I’m hurting for the both of you.” 

“ Chay …” Macau whispered, his heart couldn’t even begin to process the fact that this beautiful boy was crying for them. Chay was hurting for him.

Kim didn’t deserve this. He didn’t deserve this selfless boy shedding tears for his shitty past. 

They hurt him, yet Chay was crying for them and their past. 

The distance between them was starting to physically ache and Kim couldn’t take it any longer. 

He closed the distance between them and hugged Chay to him, burying his face in the crook of Chay’s neck. 

Chay froze and Kim clutched the back of Chay’s shirt, burying his face deeper into Chay’s neck. 

Chay looked over Kim’s shoulder and locked eyes with Macau who was staring back at Chay in surprise. 

As long as Macau had known Kim and for the short time Chay had known Kim, the aloof musician was never the first one to initiate physical affection. It was always Chay hugging him first or Macau initiating it, the physically affectionate octopus that he was. 

Chay’s heart was rabbiting in his chest and he had no doubt that Kim could hear his heart beating. Slowly as to not spook Kim, Chay slowly slid his arms up his back holding Kim to him. He had the sudden urge to protect Kim from his ugly past, him feeling so fragile in Chay’s embrace.

All the while not losing eye contact with Macau. Macau’s lips upturned into a slow smile, watching Kim relax into Chay’s arms. 

Chay’s heart was beating even faster and his mind was on fire. What does this mean for them? Kim and Macau knew that Chay had feelings for them. His thoughts were consuming him and he was beginning to get overwhelmed, his hold on Kim tightening with anxiety.

“Hey, hey, Porchay-” Kim pulled back slightly from the embrace, his voice soothing.

“Breathe, Chay. Breathe ,” Macau stepped closer to Chay but still not touching him. Chay nodded and took deep breaths through his nose, letting them out through his mouth. He repeated it a few times.

He belatedly realised that he was still clenching on to Kim’s jacket and he noticed that Macau was still at a distance from Chay. 

Does that mean Macau would leave? Does he think that he chose Kim? 

Chay’s panic returned at the thought of Macau leaving and he turned a frightened gaze to Macau.

Macau immediately stepped closer and wrapped his arms around Chay, just as Kim took a step back with a small smile on his face. 

Chay relaxed into Macau’s arms and clutched at Macau’s shirt, holding him close. Movement at the corner of his eyes caught his attention and he saw Kim slowly backing away and his anxiety returned. 

Did Kim think that Chay was choosing Macau?

Chay tensed and he looked at Kim, wordlessly asking him to stay with his eyes.

Macau sensed Chay’s growing unease and loosened his arms around Chay. Macau turned around and rolled his eyes at Kim.

“Kim, get over here. I think it’s time we talk to Chay about this,” Macau called Kim over.

“Talk about what?” Chay asked, his unease still evident.

“We don’t want to be your friends anymore-” Macau started.

Chay’s eyes widened and he could feel his heart drop to the pit of his stomach. “ What? ”

“Shit, fuck, no. Chay, hey, no-,” Kim cupped Chay’s cheek. “What my idiot cousin meant is that we don’t want to be your friends, but we want to be your boyfriends.” 

Chay’s poor brain was working overtime today trying to compute all the madness. 

“ What?!” Chay’s voice went an octave higher and his vocabulary seems to be limited today. 

“Yeah, we didn’t want you to choose between us and we like you,” Macau said cheekily, enjoying that they had rendered Chay monosyllabic. Macau trailed his fingers up Chay’s arm while Kim stroked his cheek.

“Unless, you want to choose between us or you don’t want either of us. Then, we will respect that,” Kim whispered and stopped touching Chay, taking a step back. Macau had followed suit and stepped back. 

They gave Chay the space and time to think. 

“I don’t have to choose?” Chay asked uncertainly, his hands fisted at his sides.

“No, you don’t have to if you don’t want to,” Macau said, smiling. 

Chay was a bit overwhelmed. He was never the type of person that seemed desirable to others. But here they were, two very handsome men, wanting Porchay. There was also the fact that they still had to talk about everything that had happened.

But just for this moment, Chay wanted so badly to throw caution to the wind and give in to his selfish desires.

“But how would it work? Doesn’t it bother you to share me?” Chay voiced his concerns.

“Would it bother you that we’re cousins and want to share you?” Kim asked, raising an eyebrow and hiding a grin. 

The youngest heir of the major family was almost positive that Chay wouldn’t mind at all. Otherwise, he would have ran for the hills. 

Chay shook his head and let out a relieved breath. Just the mere thought of losing one of them or not having both of them in his life was unimaginable to Chay. 

The fact that they were nonchalant and indifferent about sharing Chay between them put Chay at ease, settling his nerves about the unique dynamic of their relationship. He put the thoughts of what society deemed as an acceptable relationship out of his mind and accepts his desires for what they are.

“I don’t want to choose. I want you both.” Chay said firmly and Macau let out a whoop, wrapping his arms around Chay’s waist, spinning Chay in a circle. 

Chay’s laughter filled the house again and Kim couldn’t help but laugh softly, stepping closer to Macau and Chay when they stopped spinning. 

Kim snuck up behind Chay and wrapped his arms around Chay’s middle. The young Kittisawat was pressed snugly to Kim’s front. 

Chay tilted his neck backwards and rested his head on Kim’s shoulder, his hands reaching out to pull Macau closer. 

The heir of the minor family grinned as he stepped closer to Chay, his fingers running up Chay’s arms. 

Kim ran the tip of his nose up the back of Chay’s neck and he thinks he could get addicted to Chay’s scent. Citrus and vanilla. 

Macau adores the way Chay’s hands feel on him and Chay’s hands travelled up his chest to rest at his neck. 

Chay had his eyes closed in bliss because Kim was peppering feather-light kisses on Chay’s neck.

Chay had slid his eyes open and he was looking at Macau, his gaze slowly drifting to his lips. 

Macau knew a sign when he saw one. He moved his hands to Chay’s waist and caught Kim’s eyes, wordlessly asking if Kim was okay with Macau kissing Chay first. 

Kim gave him the cheekiest grin he had ever seen on his cousin’s face and nodded at Macau. 

Macau smiled at Kim and moved his gaze to Chay, who still had his gaze on Macau. The young boy seemed to be lost in a haze of pleasure. Oh boy, they were barely getting started. 

Macau stepped closer and cupped Chay’s cheeks, moving in closer until their lips were barely touching. He looked into Chay’s eyes and Chay smiled softly. Chay closed the distance between them and planted his lips to Macau’s. 

Macau closed his eyes and smiled against Chay’s lips, cupping Chay’s cheeks and tilted his head closer. 

Chay let out a quiet moan and Macau felt it deep in his bones, all the blood in his body rushing south. 

Macau had experimentally licked his tongue at Chay’s bottom lip and Chay let out another one of those enticing moans. 

Well, it could most definitely be due to Kim sucking bruises into the skin of Chay’s neck. Deciding they both needed to breathe, Macau pulled back and grinned at Chay’s eyes blinking in a daze. 

Kim seemed to be enjoying Chay’s cute little confused state because he let out a soft chuckle. 

“That good, huh?” Kim teased the younger Kittisawat about Macau and Chay’s kiss. 

Chay seemed to huff and pointed a finger at Kim. “Don’t act all innocent. You were going to town on my neck.”

Then, Chay promptly blushed. 

Macau kissed Chay’s pink cheeks softly and Chay blushed even more. Absolutely adorable.

“Aw, how cute,” Kim teased Chay further and Chay, wanting to one-up Kim, had cupped Kim’s cheeks and pulled him into a kiss. 

Still unused to receiving physical affection, it took a few seconds for Kim to get with the program and return Chay’s kiss.

When he did though, he did not disappoint. He took control of the kiss, mindful of Chay’s inexperience. 

Since this was their first time with Chay, they didn’t push too far. They had plenty of time for that later. 

Kim kissed Chay’s lips softly, enjoying the way they fit against his lips. 

Macau stepped closer to them again and it was his turn to plaster himself against Chay’s back. 

He rained tiny kisses on the other side of Chay’s neck and yeah, he understands Kim’s growing obsession with Chay’s neck now. Chay smelled absolutely divine. 

Chay tilted his neck sideways, giving Macau better access to his neck all the while also pulling Kim closer into their kiss. 

Chay pulled back for a bit and took a few deep breaths, still in the arms of Kim and Macau. 

Then a thought hit him.

“Hey! Both of you haven’t actually apologised to me!” Chay pouted and crossed his arms, playfully miffed. 

The youngest Theerapanyakuns grinned and concocted a plan with mere eye contact. 

“Want to show him how very sorry we are, Kim?” Macau asked, playfully waggling his eyebrows.

“Oh, definitely. We’re so very sorry Chay,” Kim cooed. “Let us show you how sorry we are.”

Porchay narrowed his eyes in suspicion and he let out a shriek as he was tackled onto the couch to lay flat on his back.

Macau was perched on top of him with the biggest shit-eating grin plastered on his face. Kim was standing on the side, gazing down at Chay with an equally large shit-eating grin. 

“Is this how you earn forgiveness? By manhandling me?” Chay huffed out, crossing his arms and failing to hide a grin of his own.

“We’re showing you how sorry we are,” Macau said while he slowly pushed Chay’s t-shirt up his stomach. 

“Oh?” Chay breathed out, widening his legs and allowing Macau to rest more comfortably between his legs. Macau was mindful to keep most of his weight off of Chay. 

Chay melted a bit at that. 

“Mhm, let us work for it, Chay,” Kim lowered to his knees and whispered into Chay’s ear. He ran his fingers through Chay’s hair and Chay could have Kim play with his hair all day. Kim’s hand in his hair was a comforting anchor. 

“You have a lot to make up for. Better get started then,” Chay said breathlessly, arousal flaring deep in his belly. 

Macau and Kim looked up at each other and it dawned on them. The power the youngest Kittisawat had on them. He had them wrapped around his finger and they wouldn’t have it any other way. 

Macau trailed his fingers up Chay’s stomach and Chay’s stomach shuddered under his touch. His lips soon followed his fingers and he dipped his tongue into Chay’s navel, looking up to see Chay’s reaction.

Chay’s head was thrown back in bliss against the armrest of the couch. 

Kim was planting kisses up his neck again, this time using some teeth. He nipped at Chay’s jaw, soothing the bite with his tongue. 

Macau had taken Chay’s hand and slid it into his hair, wordless asking Chay to tug on it. 

Chay was brilliant. He immediately understood what Macau wanted and tugged on his hair. Macau moaned against Chay’s stomach and he pushed up his t-shirt higher, exposing Chay’s chest. Macau slowly kissed his way up to Chay’s chest.

Kim trailed his lips to Chay’s and wasted no time in plunging his tongue into Chay’s mouth. To hell with propriety. 

Chay’s left hand was fisted in Macau’s hair while the latter was busy kissing and licking the dip between his chest.

His right hand was at Kim’s neck, holding on for dear life as Kim was kissing him deeply. Chay almost lost it when Kim tugged on his bottom lip with his teeth. 

The three of them were lost in a haze of pleasure and they didn’t hear the sound of the front door opening and were completely unaware of the shocked audience standing there. 

The sound of a plastic bag full of food packages dropping to the floor shocked them and they sprang apart.

Vegas and Kinn stood there, gaping at them.

“You had one job, Kinn! And you too, Vegas! You were supposed to keep an eye out on your brothers. Now, they’ve disappeared. I swear if they came here-,” Porsche had ranted at Vegas and Kinn as he walked into the house.

Macau and Kim immediately shielded Chay from view, but it was a little too late. 

Porsche had walked in and saw his baby brother being mauled by the youngest Theerapanyakuns.

“ What the fuck?! ”