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Suna thought of himself as quite okay. He obviously was not perfect by any means but being a professional volleyball player, staying in contact with his friends from his team but also high school and managing living on his own while keeping up with his diet and workout schedule definitely showed he had potential. Although his tall body could look quite lanky at times, most people would consider him handsome.
He had modeled for some sport brands before and was shown on the front cover of a few sport magazines when they announced the new line up for Japans national volleyball squad. Still, this did not mean much to him.
In high school, most people believed that Suna Rintarou was not only good at hiding emotions, he simply just did not have any. Well, they all assumed wrongly. Suna always had too many of them, at least too many for a certain someone. And this someone was unfortunately one of his best friends, Miya Osamu.
The twin of famous setter Miya Atsumu made a name for himself in the world of cooking opening up Onigir Shop’s in parts of Japan and recently mentioning on-going negotiations with partners overseas to expand, potentially to Europe.
Suna had been rather fond of him since they met in high school. At that time, Osamus hair had been dyed grey but Suna did not need the colour to differentiate between the two twins. Maybe that should have been the first warning.
However, Suna decided to ignore it and went on to devote his heart to the twin. When Osamu announced his retirement from volleyball, Suna’s future broke in pieces. How would he be able to see Osamu now? Suna would be gone to train and spent every minute of the day on the court while Osamu would do the same in a kitchen.
He was devastated but the dreaded day never came. Osamu ensured to always send a quick message to Suna, even if he was too busy to even call Atsumu. Suna felt very special in those moments.
That was until reality hit him. Atsumu announced that Sakusa Kiyoomi and him were engaged now. Suna was quite surprised that their hatred-turned Atsumu’s-unrequited-crush had actually turned into a relationship that lasted them being teammates. Now, here comes in Suna’s dilemma. At a wedding you were supposed to have a date.
As there was no one but Osamu in Suna’s depressing life that he would want to take with, he chose to ask said person if he had a date already. Osamu was Atsumus best man and therefore Suna could blame it on the more annoying twin to ask this question.
So here he was, with his phone in his hand and waiting for an answer. Osamu seemed quite surprised by it. “Eh… no, not yet”, he finally answered after a second too long of silence. Suna raised his eyebrows even though Osamu could not see him. “But you are going to ask someone? Do I know them?”, he got himself to reply.
Suna was careful with the pronouns as Osamu never made it clear what his preference was. Obviously, he had both Suna and Atsumu come out to him as gay but Suna never got a specific label back. Which of course, was fine. It just did not put out the small flame of hope that kept burning inside him.
“Ah, I don’t know”, the other said, “I could imagine myself going with someone but… don’t want to make things awkward. They’re invited anyways you know.” Suna could hear a shaky breath. He tried to speak even though there was a lump in his throat.
“Are you going to make me guess who they are or…?” But Osamu only tsk’d. “I’m not telling you their name. No way, Suna. I know you and ‘tsumu would make fun of me the whole night. You would scare them off and then that’d be it for me.”
Suna swallowed again and cleared his throat. Apparently, Osamu liked them quite a lot. “If you like them that much, why not ask them out. It’ll only hurt more the more time passes and you see them being happy with someone else”, Suna commented and hoped that it did not sound too much like himself.
Osamu snorted. “Yeah no thanks. That time thing was ages ago”, but stopped. “So you’ve known them for a while now!”, Suna tried to grin but it was more of a grimace. Osamu exhaled resigned. “Yes, I have. Now will you please stop it, They don’t like me anyway. They’re in a relationship already, have been for some time now and won’t get out of that soon.”
Suna’s heart broke. Whatever flame had been there, growing with every word, died instantly. So it could not be him. He blinked away the tears in his eyes and tried to soothe Osamu heartache: “We could always go together, make them see what they are missing out on. If they are happy in their relationship, it’s definitely time to move on. If they realize, that being with their person now is not meant for forever, then you can give it a shot.”
Suna’s heart sank a little more as Osamu laughed. “Nah it’s all good Suna. If he would have wanted to go out with me, he would have said yes in high school. But he chose his-“, again, Osamu stopped. “Shit, now you can figure it out even easier. Very bad day for me, isn’t it?”
Suna shrugged his shoulders and tried to act nonchalantly. “You don’t have to be afraid that I’ll rat you out to Atsumu. At least I can welcome you to the gay side of the universe now. And for the record: Why did you never tell me you asked someone out in high school? I could have and obviously did never do that.”
Osamu chuckled which made Suna smile fondly. Luckily, the twin was not able to see him. That would have been embarrassing. “Yeah, anyways now that the cat is out of the bag… if you swear not to make fun of me and tell Atsumu, you can know about my guy. If you still want, that is.” Suna was not sure if he really wanted to know but at least he could compare himself to the guy then.
“Alright, tell me then. I pinky promise to not tell a soul.” He sounded less bitter than he thought. “To come straight to the point… it’s Akaashi. Bokuto’s husband of four years. I think that also makes clear why I laughed at your suggestion. They are very happy, always been.” Suna noted the sadness but could not help but think of how perfect Akaashi was compared to him. And so much prettier.
“I can see why you fancy the guy although he is definitely not my cup of tea”, Suna remarked, “But yeah, they were always together, even in high school. Did you seriously ask him out even though he had a boyfriend?” Osamu snorted: “I didn’t see the signs and though they were only best friends. You and me acted like them sometimes so I thought nothing of it. And then, while I was confessing, he stopped me and dropped the bomb. I felt pretty ridiculous, still do. But I just can’t let him go, for some reason.”
The wishful tone in his voice reminded Suna of his own whenever he spoke to Komori about Osamu. “Yeah, letting your first love go is quite difficult, aye?”, he mumbled but Osamu had heated. “Who broke your heart then? I have never seen you with someone apart from one night but you never told me if you were aromantic or something.”
Suna was sweating now, careful not to reveal too much: “It was more infatuation than love I’d say. Knew them for a couple of seconds but totally fell in love at first sight. Stopped after he left high school though.” Suna decided to twist the truth a bit.
Osamu chuckled: “Was it Kita? Atsumu had the biggest crush on him too, until his Omi-Omi came along. Not that his said-to-be husband was a rebound, but it was funny to watch.” Suna let out a relieved laugh: “Yeah, who didn’t have a crush on Kita, right? But nowadays I’m too busy to find someone to get attached to so I guess I’ll just die alone. Maybe with a cat to complete the cliche, you know?”
At that, Osamu let out a heartily laugh which filled Suna up with warmth and pride. It was still him that made Osamu laugh and forget about his problems. “Sounds like a great plan. But actually, we should show up to the wedding together and frighten Atsumu a bit. Would be funny to shock him on his wedding day, his best friends going out and all that.”
Suna halted, his heart pumping fast. “So we’ll prank Atsumu just like in old times?”, he tried to speak lightly, hinting at a smile. “Just like that. Are you in? I am wearing a blue suit as per Atsumus request but I can send you a tie to match the fabric.” Suna nodded, then remembered Osamu could not see him. “Yeah, let’s annoy Atsumu one more time. And don’t forget the tie. I’ll speak to you soon, okay?”
Before Osamu had replied, Suna pressed the red button and let out a strangled cry. “Shit, what was I thinking?” Then the feelings-talk came back to him and overflowing with emotions, tears spilled out of his eyes. “Stupid Osamu and stupid feelings”, he sniffled as he threw himself on his bed and started into the air.
The only positive thing was that no one but Komori knew about these feelings, not even Atsumu. Therefore, no one could give him shit for doing this but his annoying team-mate and somewhat best friend. No one had to know how much he was hurting and if he could steal one kiss from Osamu at the end of the night, blaming it on drinks and trying to make Akaashi jealous- well, who was he to be judged.