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Harry had been confused and scared for several years. He didn’t understand his feelings when his sister forced him to play dress up with him and threw a dress into his arms to wear. He remembers the terrifying feeling that consumed him when he liked the feeling of the soft material against his skin and he remembers making it only five minutes into their game before he burst into tears, begging to get out of it. His Mum had come running, tugging the dress off over Harry’s head which made him cry harder when he suddenly missed the feeling.
He remembers when his hair finally got really long and a little kid asked him if he was a boy or a girl and his throat suddenly dried out and he had no words. Remembers how suddenly his brain became one big jumbled mess and a question played on repeat in his mind. Am I a boy or a girl?
He remembers working out in the gym and staring at himself in the mirror and feeling strong and masculine. He promptly replaced the weights and ran out of there. Remembers going home and into his room, pulling out every piece of clothing, accessory, everything.
His Mum found him like that, sitting on the floor surrounded by the mess he made, pulling on his hair and crying. She pulled him into her arms, rocked him, and soothed him only the way she can. She didn’t push or prod, just waited. Harry finally caved and told her how confused he was. He told her about the dress, and gym, and the question, everything. He told her he didn’t know who he was.
His Mum shushed him softly, brushing her fingers through his hair, and said, “You’re Harry.”
He didn’t understand it at the time, but he slowly got it. His Mum found him a support group for kids his age confused about their gender. He met some wonderful people and heard stories similar to his own. He listened the first few times. Trying to gather information and see where he fit in. Eventually, he talked and slowly but surely he found a home there. He found support. He found answers.
It was hard. Having to explain to his Mum and sister that he was gender fluid. That some days he felt like a girl, others a boy, and sometimes he fell right in between and didn’t even really know. They found simple ways over time for Harry to signal what he was feeling on any given day. They tried their best to use the right pronouns for him, wanting to love and support him. Sometimes they missed the mark, but they always tried.
High school was rough, some accepting, some making fun of him. Some people tried, and others just didn’t care. His closest friends made an effort, but they struggled and sometimes it made it awkward, so he assured them they didn’t need to worry about it. His senior year though, he met Louis.
“Lads, this is Louis,” Zayn introduced.
Harry looked up from his salad and nearly gasped. Next to Zayn stood a boy who was a bit on the shorter side, but seemed to carry himself in a way that makes him present as taller. He had soft brown hair, sharp cheekbones, and gorgeous blue eyes that Harry wanted to get lost in. Everything about him was beautiful and Harry was left speechless.
“Nice to meet ya,” Niall smiled.
“You new to the area?” Liam asked as the two sat down across from Harry.
Louis nodded. “Yeah, we just moved. Leave it to my family to uproot everything in my final year of high school,” He said rolling his eyes.
“Hey, you found me though,” Zayn pointed out. “Louis is my neighbor,” He explained. “His window is across from mine. We bonded when we caught each other smoking a joint,” He laughed. “Anyway, the bottle blonde there is Niall,” Zayn said, Niall throwing a fry at him. “The one that looks like a puppy is Liam.” Liam scowled at Zayn. “And the one with the softest curls you will ever touch is Harry.”
“Softest curls, eh?” Louis smiled at him. Harry just stared.
“For real. You can feel, he doesn’t care. He’s like a cat,” Zayn shrugged.
Louis laughed. “Yeah. Is that okay with you Harry?” Harry nodded once. He held still as Louis reached across the table and gently ran his fingers through Harry’s hair. He nearly choked on his own tongue trying to suppress a moan when Louis grabbed on and pulled on it. “Very soft,” He said quietly. “Pretty,” He complimented.
Louis turned his attention back to the others who have started asking him more questions, leaving Harry sitting there feeling like his insides were on fire. Pretty. Harry was in love.
It only took a week before Louis finally commented on Harry’s change in appearance throughout the week. “I have a question for you,” He said, sitting down across from Harry. They were the first two people at the picnic table outside.
“O-okay,” Harry stuttered. He still hadn’t quite managed to say more than a few words to Louis at a time.
“I apologize in advance if any of this comes out as offensive, I promise that is not my intention,” Louis said. “But, I’ve noticed that some days you wear more, feminine clothing and have some makeup on. But then others you’re in jeans and a hoodie. One day it was almost like a mix of the two. So like, I’m not sure how to word this, hang on,” Louis bit his lip, thinking for a moment. “Oh I got it, what do you identify as? Right, that’s the proper way to ask?”
Harry was going to die. “Y-yeah. That’s fine. Um, I uh, well, I,” Harry stumbled.
Louis reached out, putting his hand over Harry’s. “Hey, it’s okay. I promise I won’t judge. You also don’t have to tell me if you aren’t comfortable,” He assured.
Harry took a moment to get his breathing and heart rate under control. He found it easiest to say it while staring down at the table, He could speak better if he didn’t have to stare into Louis’ eyes. “I’m gender fluid. So, some days I identify as more of a girl, other days a boy, and sometimes they.”
“Oh, cool. Do uh, do you use different pronouns when you feel different ways? I don’t think I’ve ever heard the others use anything,” Louis noted, thinking it over.
“Um, well technically yes. But I know it’s a hassle and confusing to try and change all the time so I told them not to worry about it.”
Louis furrowed his eyebrows. “That doesn’t seem very fair to you though. I mean, I want to respect how you feel and who you are.”
Harry wanted to marry him. “It’s fine,” He blushed.
“Would um, would you be fine if I tried? And you can always correct me if I use something wrong?”
“You don’t have to,” Harry tried to assure.
“I want to. It’s who you are, yeah?”
Harry was saved from the embarrassment of asking Louis to give him children by the others sliding into their spots at the table. “Hey, lads, what’s up?” Niall asked. “Talking shit about us?”
“Obviously. Harry and I always gossip about you guys,” Louis laughed.
The conversation flowed from there, the others chatting and laughing while Harry sat quietly, just listening to his friends.
He expected Louis to forget about their conversation. That things would continue as normal. But then something happened. Harry was wearing a soft baby blue pleated skirt, a white long-sleeve shirt, and heeled black boots. He had two french braids in his hair and had on a little bit of makeup. He was nervously fiddling with the skirt in the hallway, consciously aware of any and all eyes that fell on him.
“Hey, Haz,” Louis smiled, walking over with Zayn.
“Hi,” Harry waved.
“Should’ve done your hair in those space buns, dude,” Zayn commented. “I think that would’ve been cute with this outfit.”
Harry ducked his head. “Well, I think she looks awfully pretty today.” Harry’s head snapped up to Louis, eyes wide not only from the statement but from the pronoun. He blushed as Louis swung an arm around his shoulders and pulled him into his side.
“Y-you do?” Harry asked.
Louis nodded. “Of course. Prettiest girl in the school,” He winked, smiling softly at Harry.
Harry felt the familiar stinging feeling behind his eyes, signaling he was close to tears. “Thank you, Louis,” He whispered.
Zayn has since walked off, leaving the two in their own bubble. “Anytime, Princess.” Harry felt the flush creep from his cheeks to the tips of his ears and down his neck. “Oh, we like that one do we?” Louis teased.
“Shut up.”
“Well, I suppose I should be a true gentleman and walk you to class, yeah?”
“But yours is on the other side of the building,” Harry noted as Louis started to guide them down the hall, a steady hand on the small of Harry’s back.
“I have time. Want to make sure you get there safely,” Louis said casually, glaring at someone he saw pointing at Harry’s skirt.
“I uh, I’m used to it,” Harry said, once he noticed what Louis was doing.
Louis hummed. “Doesn’t make it okay. No one messes with my girl, yeah?”
Harry wanted to blow Louis right there in the middle of the hallway. Instead, he reached out, grabbing Louis’ wrist to remove his hand from his back. Louis looked at him confused before Harry took his hand in his. Louis smiled, giving it a reassuring squeeze when Harry refused to meet his gaze. “Thank you,” Harry whispered.
It went on all day. Whenever Harry left a class, Louis was there to take his hand and walk him to his next. In the classes they shared, Louis moved his chair until it was practically flush with Harry’s. He continued to compliment Harry and use she/her pronouns and Harry thought he was going to pass out.
“Her physics teacher is right bitch,” Louis grumbled when the group sat down for lunch.
“Whose?” Liam asked.
“Harry’s,” Louis said.
Harry kept his head down as his friends stared at him for a moment. They knew he was gender fluid, they loved and accepted him, but from the beginning, Harry gave them permission to ignore his pronouns and so he knows they must be a bit confused.
“Why is her physics teacher a bitch?” Niall finally asked.
Harry looked up surprised, and Niall just smiled at him. “She was all pissy I was waiting for Harry in the hall and spent the last five minutes of class lecturing me instead of teaching or doing something useful. I don’t know. Just don’t like the woman,” Louis complained.
“You didn’t have to sneak out of your classes early for me though,” Harry said. “Don’t want you to get in trouble over me.”
Louis just shrugged, taking another bite of his sandwich. “Eh, they can eat me.”
Louis then asked Liam about an upcoming game and things went on normally from there. His friends a few more times during the rest of the day used the appropriate pronouns for him and he never felt happier.
Louis and Harry started to grow closer after that day. Harry even invited Louis one afternoon. “Mum, I’m home. I brought a friend,” Harry called out.
“Friend?” Anne asked, poking her head out around the corner from the kitchen. “Oh, hello,” She smiled, walking over to greet Louis. “I’m Anne.”
“Louis.”
“Ah, you’re Louis,” She smiled, turning to wink at Harry.
“And, we going to my room,” Harry said, grabbing Louis and yanking him down the hall, quickly away from his mother.
“Leave the door open!” Anne called after them.
Harry groaned, Louis laughed. “So, you talk about me to your Mum?” Louis smirked, sitting on Harry’s bed.
“Shut up,” Harry whined, covering his face with his hands embarrassed.
“I like your room, it’s very, you,” Louis noted.
It was true. Like Harry, his room was kind of all over the place. He had fairy lights strung up around his bed, band posters on his wall, a mix of soft pastel colors, and more prominent blues and greens. “Thanks. I know not all of it makes sense.”
“It works. Are those flower crowns?” Louis asked.
Harry nodded, plucking one off the wall and placing it on Louis’ head. “I make them myself. I usually wear them on a they day.”
“I’ll be sure to keep that in mind.”
They spent the next few hours talking and laughing. Harry made them some popcorn before putting a movie up on his t.v. They laid next to each other, snacking on popcorn and relaxing. After it was gone though Harry noticed the way Louis scooted a little closer and let the arm closer to Harry lay across the pillows. He bit his lip, thinking it over, before slowly sliding closer and fitting himself against Louis’ side.
Louis’ arm came down from the pillow to wrap around Harry’s waist, holding him securely against his side. Harry willed himself not to pop a boner. “You okay?” Louis asked quietly, his thumb stroking the skin just under Harry’s t-shirt.
“Y-yeah,” Harry choked out. “This is okay?”
“Course. Is it okay with you?”
“Mhm,” Harry hummed. It took a few more moments before Harry finally really relaxed into Louis’ side. Lying his head on his chest, listening to his heartbeat while the movie became white noise in the background. Eventually, their legs became tangled together too, the two wrapped up in one another. Harry turned his head at one point, his nose ghosting along Louis’ neck. Harry could hear Louis’ breath hitch.
Harry slowly looked up at Louis, the two just staring at each other for a moment. Harry held his breath, unsure of what was about to happen. Just as Harry thought Louis was leaning down, he heard his Mum’s voice from downstairs. “Harry, Louis needs to be heading home now, please!”
The two separated themselves and climbed off the bed. They remained in awkward silence while Harry walked Louis to the door. “I’ll uh, see you at school?” Harry asked.
“Yeah. Bye, Harry,” Louis waved.
They were awkward with each other for a few days after. Harry didn’t like it. He missed being close with Louis and he’s scared he did something wrong and messed up their friendship. He was walking to his next class currently when his books were slapped from his hands. He stared down at his books while the lad who knocked them down started laughing with his friends. “I think you dropped something, Styles.”
“Kay,” Harry mumbled, reaching down to pick them up. He got the last book before it was kicked away, and when he went to stand back up his books were knocked down again.
“Freak.”
“Sorry.”
“Would you just shut up,” The kid groaned, yanking the flower crown off Harry’s head and pushing him to the ground. Harry felt tears brimming his eyes and some more kids laughed.
“Hey!” A voice yelled. Harry turned and saw Louis storming over. “Leave them alone,” Louis said, stepping in front of Harry, and facing the guy that pushed him. “You so much as think of touching them again and I’ll kick your fucking ass,” he threatened. “Now, give me their flower crown, now,” He demanded.
“Jeez, calm down Louis. We’re just having a laugh, yeah?”
“Yeah, at their expense. Now, give me the flowers and walk away, I’m not asking again.”
“Whatever,” The guy rolled his eyes, tossed the crown to Louis, and walked away.
Harry watched Louis take a deep breath before turning around. He squatted in front of Harry and gently placed the crown back on top of his curls. “Come on then, Love,” He said softly, taking Harry’s hands in his and helping him to his feet.
Harry let Louis lead him away from the other students still lingering. They walked for a few minutes until they found an empty classroom. Once inside Harry finally started crying. Louis just wrapped his arms around Harry and hugged him tightly, rocking them from side to side.
“It’s alright, you’re okay. Let it out.”
“I’m sorry,” Harry hiccuped, wiping at his eyes.
“No need to apologize,” Louis said, pushing Harry’s hands out of the way to gently wipe his tears away. “You okay?”
Harry nodded. “You uh, you called me them.”
“Well, yeah. You told me that when you wear flower crowns that’s how you feel. Was I wrong?” Louis asked, worried he misgendered Harry.
“No, you got it right. I just, you remembered.”
Louis smiled, cupping Harry’s cheek. “Of course, I remembered.”
Harry leaned into Louis’ touch and finally calmed down. “I’ve missed you.”
“Me too. Sorry for being a bit weird the past few days. That wasn’t fair to you.”
“Sorry for being weird too. I want my friend back now though.”
“Right here.”
They fell back into a routine after that. Harry still felt weird though. Louis did all these small things or was over-affectionate at times and, Harry almost felt like they were a couple, but Louis hasn’t actually said anything.
He swooned every time he used the right pronouns, especially as it seems it has gotten his other friends to use them. Like today, has was in a short baby blue sundress, his black heeled boots, and curls done up in poofy space buns. His sister helped him with his makeup this morning and overall he was feeling pretty and feminine. The best part, his friends used the right pronouns before Louis did, getting used to it enough now that they didn’t always need to follow Louis’ lead.
“Have you seen the messes she can make?” Niall asked, in reference to Harry. “I’ve been in her room when she decides to go full rearrange.”
Harry rolled his eyes. “I fix the mess,” He defended.
“Yeah, leave my Haz alone,” Louis added. “She would make the perfect little housewife,” He smiled.
Harry was going to smile back, but he froze when he felt Louis’ hand on his thigh. “Whatever, I’m just saying Harry isn’t necessarily the neatest of all of us.”
Harry was left speechless and half hard the rest of lunch as Louis’ hand remained on his thigh, gently stroking the skin there.
It’s how things continued from there. Louis generally touching Harry more often than not and Harry trying his hardest not to come in his pants or snog the living daylights out of Louis. It was a struggle really.
It all changed about a month later. Harry had just finished gym class and was dressed in sweats and a hoodie. He and his friends were hanging out at their usual picnic table for lunch. They were all chatting about their testing scores and current placement in class ranks. Harry was happy to admit he was in the top ten and his scores came back with promising results to help him get into the University he’s been looking at.
“That’s my boy,” Louis had chimed in. Harry turned to look at Louis. Louis looked genuinely proud of him. The feeling in his chest was bursting and strong and Harry had never wanted to kiss Louis as badly as he did at that moment. And for the first time, Harry lost all sense of self-control and did just that. He leaned over and kissed him.
Harry pulled back just as quickly, ready to dash away and drown himself in a puddle, but Louis grabbed the back of Harry’s neck and pulled him back down, kissing him softly and passionately. Harry could vaguely hear the rest of his friends grumbles of ‘It’s about fucking time’ and ‘Let’s give them some privacy before clothes start shedding’.
Once the need for air became too much they slowly leaned back from one another, Louis still chasing small pecks from Harry. They rested their foreheads together, catching their breath and smiling. “Hi,” Louis said softly.
“Hi. Um, that was well, um,” Harry blushed.
“Long overdue I’d say.”
Harry smiled at him. “Yeah?”
“Mhm,” Louis hummed. “Kind of wanted to kiss you for quite a while now. Sort of obsessed with you if you didn’t know.”
Harry laughed, kissing Louis again. “Sort of obsessed with you too.”
“Good, so it’s mutual, we’ve discussed it.”
They spent a few more minutes kissing and laughing before finally breaking apart. “I really do quite like you, Louis.”
“I like you too, Harry.”
“Yeah? Even though I don’t know who I will be until I wake up in the morning?”
Louis nodded. “I like every side of you, Harry. It doesn’t matter to me if some days you're my boyfriend, my girlfriend, or just my partner. You’re, you. You’re Harry. And I really like you, Harry.”
That was when Harry understood what his Mum had told him all those years ago. When he was confused and scared and asked who he was and she had told him he was just Harry. “I’m me,” Harry smiled.
Louis chuckled and nodded. “I’d quite like to kiss you again too if that’s alright?”
Harry nodded quickly, grabbing the front of Louis’ shirt and pulling him back in. Needless to say, their friends were less than surprised when they got together later and had announced that they were together.
Harry was happy. Louis made him so incredibly happy. He accepted Harry for who he was and helped him grow and learn more about himself. It didn’t surprise him that it didn’t take long before he realized not only loved Louis, but was in love with him. It finally slipped out when Louis kissed him while gently rocking into Harry. “I love you,” Harry whispered, eyes wet and shining and heart bursting with emotion.
Louis just smiled, kissing him again. “I love you too, so so much. You’re perfect Harry.”
After, once they both came and caught their breaths, Louis pulling out and pulling Harry into his arms, Harry closed his eyes and just listened to Louis’ heart. He was content and in love. “I love you,” He whispered again. “Thank you, for everything. Thank you, for loving me.”
“I love you too, Harry, every last side of you.”