Chapter Text
Yaz had to admit she felt a little nervous as she got ready that morning. It was weird. She wasn't usually the one to be nervous on photoshoot days.
In fact, ask anyone, she'd always be one of the most confident. There was a reason why other models were sometimes jealous and some of them maybe even hated her a little.
Maybe 'hate' was a strong word. But everyone in the industry knew that between any other model and Yaz, photographers and magazines and everyone else would always go for Yasmin Khan.
Yaz wasn't arrogant per se, but she knew her worth and beauty. She knew she always had what it took to make it, even though it had proven incredibly difficult at first.
Her confidence and self-worth hadn't come easily. It was gained. Through years and years of practice in front of a camera. Through years and years of praise from some of the most prestigious networks and other famous models and photographers. Through years and years of a fight with her own mind that she still found herself having sometimes.
Of course, none of this had happened with a snap of fingers. What started as an innocent school project where Yaz had, for the first time, been in front of a camera, had escalated to her closest friend – Bill – to convince her she should model. Constantly telling her how beautiful she was.
Yaz had dismissed it, not wanting to believe her. After all, Bill was her girlfriend at the time, so Yaz thought she was kind of entitled to say those nice things.
But her family and other friends had seen the photographs too which were exhibited in the final year projects and everyone had said the same thing, including one of her teachers who had contacts in the modelling industry.
They had convinced Yaz to take some more professional photographs to apply to a proper agency.
Yaz had done just that and it wasn't until she took a look at the final results of those photos that she saw what everyone else seemed to see.
But still not quite.
Something at the back of her mind kept telling her she wasn't good enough for it.
Still, she decided to take a chance and soon enough she had found an agent, Missy, who despite being extremely judgemental, also said things how they were and Yaz knew that if she didn't have what it took, Missy would certainly have told her from the get-go.
And that's how it all started.
Yaz began small, booking shoots for small magazines and brands, working her way up step by step. Always trying to remain humble and kind, like her parents had taught her.
It was hard at times, especially when she met another model who was the complete opposite of what Yaz tried to be. Izzy Flint was not humble and kind, and instead was ruthless in her pursuit for success, not caring one bit about who she had to step on to get to the top.
She was a little more experienced, albeit for only a few years, but that was enough for Izzy's words and insults to make their way under Yaz's skin and settle there.
Yaz started to believe her words about how she was never gonna truly make it because she was never gonna be good enough and she should just quit.
It got worse to the point where Yaz had truly considered it and she was walking over to Missy's office to tell her she didn't want to do it anymore when her friend, now ex-girlfriend, Bill called and Yaz had caved in telling her everything that was going on.
Bill as usual had the voice of reason and convinced Yaz to keep going. It took a while but eventually, Yaz listened to her best friend.
So, Yaz moved forwards. Year after year she kept getting more and more bookings for bigger magazines and brands. More well-known photographers would ask to work with her.
And slowly but surely, the name Yasmin Khan started to make its way through the industry and onto the front pages of magazines. Izzy no longer said anything, no longer being represented by Missy so Yaz hadn't seen her in years now apart from when she saw her on the cover of some other magazine or brand, and even that was rare now.
Apparently her nasty personality led to a lot of people refusing to work with her.
Things for Yaz were going well. Her family was incredibly proud of her even though most of her distant relatives weren't very keen on Yaz's career choices and even more so when Yaz had come out as a lesbian.
That had been difficult and Yaz was incredibly afraid that it would ruin her career. But times felt different and after talking to Missy, she encouraged her to come forward if Yaz really wanted.
And so, with the incredible support of her friends, family, and agent, Yaz had made her sexuality public and the responses had been overwhelming.
A huge number of people of all ages had messaged her saying how much of an inspiration she was and how she was helping them to feel more comfortable in their own skin.
Yaz had cried tears of happiness a lot on those first few days, seeing and reading all the positive responses.
As for her career, despite the fact that some brands did cancel their contracts with her with no justifiable cause, some other bigger ones had contacted her, wanting nothing more than to work with Yaz and have her represent them.
Yaz was the first to admit she didn’t mind the fame or attention. Even though it was a pain in the arse to deal with the press sometimes, she always tried to keep her private life private. Her family, friends and whomever she was dating were always her main priority.
Of course, some things would always slip through and make it onto gossip magazines. But nothing ever that major and a lot of it was nothing but rumours.
Still, Yaz liked being in the position she was in simply for the fact that she could actually make an impact. She worked with several charities regarding the things closest to her heart. She was in a position that allowed her to be an inspiration and reach more people that she could help.
And she loved that. She loved helping people.
And things just kept looking up. Yaz kept climbing those steps one by one and she now felt like she was on top. She felt more confidence in herself than ever.
That was, until the latest call.
Yaz had heard about Julian Smith. Everyone in the industry had. She was one of the most prestigious and well-known photographers and very few models had been lucky enough to work with her.
Many had tried and failed to get in her bookings. No model was put in front of her camera unless she said so.
No one knew much about Julian. Even when Yaz had tried to research her on the internet she had come up empty handed. There was barely any personal information, albeit for her name, birthplace, and age (which Yaz was surprised to see that Julian was only a few years older than her). But everything else was work related.
All the big magazines she had worked for. All the big names in the modelling industry she had worked with. A very long portfolio filled with photographs of all kinds: from models all well set up in a studio, to candid photos of random people, photos of animals, landscapes, cities, just a bit of everything and every photo captured Yaz's eye.
In older posts, Yaz could see one person standing out from everyone else. A woman with bouncy curly hair always smiling, eyes always shining to the camera. Or maybe they were shining to the person behind it, Yaz couldn't be sure. Whoever this beautiful curly haired woman was though, she stopped making appearances in Julian's profile at some point.
There was no name tag, no description in any of the photos that Julian had posted of her.
This woman's identity was completely unknown.
Yaz had never spent so much time scrolling through someone's profile the way she had Julian's.
What Yaz couldn't help but notice though, was how there weren't any photos of Julian herself. Not that it was that surprising, most photographer’s profiles rarely had any photos of themselves and were always instead filled with their work.
But even in the big online world there were very few photos of her. Apart from a few from when she won awards or was featured in a magazine, there weren't any candid shots of her.
Yaz couldn't really make up her mind about Julian yet. From the very few photos of her available, she always had the same thin smile on her face like she wasn't even happy about winning and was only there as an obligation.
Like she didn't even care about such recognition.
Perhaps she didn’t.
She didn't know anyone who had ever worked with her before so Yaz didn't even know exactly what to expect. Even Missy was surprised to get the call asking if Yaz was available for a shoot with Julian and when Yaz asked why it was such a surprise, Missy simply said it was because Julian hadn't been photographing anyone for nearly three years and had suddenly decided to get back in the game.
Why had she stopped and why she had decided to come back was completely unknown to everyone.
But of course, Yaz could never refuse such an opportunity.
But that was why she was feeling nervous at that moment. Being photographed by one of the most prestigious names in the industry was already nerve wracking enough. Being photographed as a comeback for that same name was even moreso.
If it didn't go well, Julian might regret ever coming back to the game. If Yaz wasn’t good enough, Julian might send her home saying Yaz should get into another career.
If, if, if...
Yaz knew she was overthinking things. She always did and a lot of the times things never happened the way they did in her head.
But she couldn't help her thinking process.
But now that she actually thought about it, she didn’t even know what this photoshoot was for exactly. Missy hadn’t mentioned any magazine or brand, or anything related to that for which these photos would serve that purpose.
So, Yaz really was in the dark about what was meant to happen or how things were supposed to go.
She finished brushing her hair (there wasn’t much point in putting on makeup or styling her hair when people were probably gonna do that for her later to get her ready for the shoot) and then checked her phone finding some messages from her mum and Bill, wishing her good luck.
Her family had always been her number one fan. Her dad went out of his ways to always buy the magazines and everything else that Yaz was in as soon as it hit the stores and he always saved everything in boxes for Yaz to look back on, he said, even though Yaz knew he was incredibly proud and both him and her mum always liked to show her off.
Sonya, her younger sister, had considered following in Yaz’s footsteps, but she soon changed her mind and realised that she had more of a knack for being an agent and that’s what she had settled on doing once she finished school.
As for Bill, even though she and Yaz had been broken up for a few years now, they had always remained good and close friends and Yaz knew that no matter what happened she could always count on Bill to help her out.
So, when Yaz got to the studio she was surprised to find that Bill was also there. She hadn’t told Yaz she’d be there or even that she knew where Yaz’s shoot was going to be.
But before Yaz could even do anything else, Bill approached her and enveloped her in the usual bear hug that Yaz both loved and hated.
Bill was the only person she ever allowed to hug her like that.
"Bill! What are you doing here?" Yaz finally got the chance to ask when they broke apart.
"I had a shoot earlier. Just finished." She said looking over her own shoulder at something, but her attention immediately went back to Yaz "Heard you were gonna shoot with Julian Smith. Had to come and meet her too."
Yaz rolled her eyes. News always travelled fast between models, so she wasn't exactly surprised that Bill already knew even though Yaz herself had only known for a couple of weeks and still hadn't told her best friend.
She knew how much Bill loved flirting with the photographers, especially and only the women though, so Yaz was also not surprised that she had come to meet the mysterious yet famous Julian.
They chatted for a little while and in the meantime Yaz was called to makeup. Bill was at her side the whole time.
Yaz was surprised she wasn't given any extreme makeup look and instead it was all very simple. Like she was just going to go out for a coffee or the movies.
A sort of makeup that anyone would use on a daily basis rather than the extravagant colours and products she'd normally use for photoshoots.
"So, are you nervous?" Bill asked when Yaz was nearly finished, lipstick the only thing remaining.
"Why would I be?" Yaz asked, eyebrow raised "It's just like any normal photoshoot."
"But it's not though, is it?" Bill continued, picking at her nails, a nervous habit that Yaz knew all too well "Julian Smith is like... A legend. Only a very few handful of models ever got to shoot with her, I mean... It's like meeting the queen of the modelling photography industry or something."
Yaz had a smirk on her lips "Is that your way of saying you’re jealous?"
"Damn right I'm jealous!" They both chuckled. Yaz wasn't entirely sure if Bill was being serious or not, but she did know for sure that even if Bill was a little jealous she was also incredibly happy for Yaz.
Bill had always been one of her biggest supporters and Yaz would always be grateful for their friendship.
They chatted away for a few more minutes, Bill telling her how she was going to Paris the following week for a photoshoot with Vogue, when Yaz was called by one of the assistants saying Julian had arrived and was waiting for her.
Yaz swallowed nervously, which went unnoticed by everyone around her, and got up, heading to the main studio with Bill following close behind.
The studio was more silent than she had expected. What was normally a frantic environment of people running around trying to get everything set up perfectly, was now a calm space for the exception of a small circle of people.
When they got closer Yaz finally saw what all the commotion around that spot was: Julian Smith was there.
Yaz recognised her immediately by the very few photos she’d seen of her online. The short blonde hair was practically a given.
She looked so different in person than she did in the photos. Yaz now could tell that Julian always looked a little sad in the photos, because now she was smiling brighter and laughing more cheerily than Yaz had ever seen anyone do.
It was a bit contagious and Yaz immediately felt her nerves dissipate at the sight and sound of the other woman.
But the nerves were very soon replaced by a knot in her lower belly, sort of like butterflies some might have called it, when Julian finally looked past the crowd surrounding her and her eyes locked with Yaz’s.
Green found brown and suddenly Yaz felt like everyone else was gone and it was just her and Julian in the studio.
That was a weird feeling. Yaz had never felt something like this about anyone, especially not someone she hadn’t even spoken to properly.
Julian was very quick to dismiss the entire crowd surrounding her and everyone went back to their usual tasks, making sure the set was ready to shoot, and Julian walked towards Yaz, which gave the younger woman a proper look at this so-called legend for the first time.
To say that Julian Smith was pretty was a complete understatement. Julian Smith was, almost definitely, the most attractive woman – person even – that Yaz had ever set her eyes on.
It wasn’t just her fine face with defined sharp cheekbones and jawline and her perfectly pearl white teeth smiling at her and the crinkles in her eyes.
This woman was - simply putting it - incredibly handsome.
And her clothes did her complete justice. Like they were made for her and her only.
Perhaps they were.
Someone as successful as Julian surely would have the money for designer clothes especially made for her. It wouldn’t surprise Yaz.
But Yaz couldn’t ignore how her stomach felt like it had flipped inside out and how her breath suddenly seemed caught in her throat. How her heart might or might have not skipped a beat at the sight of Julian wearing incredibly fitting black trousers and a simple white shirt with the top three buttons undone which also emphasised her sharp collarbones.
And in her mind, Yaz immediately pictured herself undoing the rest of those buttons and kissing those collarbones and every bit of skin she’d be able to get access to…
She shook her head. Where the hell had that come from? Keep it together Yasmin.
She was soon brought back to reality by her own rational thoughts and by Bill slightly nudging her on the side and if she noticed that Yaz had started sweating a little, she decided not to say anything.
Julian finally reached them and Yaz felt herself grow a little hotter when Julian suddenly started looking her up and down, hands on her hips and brows slightly furrowed as if in thought.
“Clara!” She suddenly called, making both Yaz and Bill jump at the sudden shout, though it didn’t have a ping of authority in it. Like she was simply calling a friend over.
A few seconds later, a smaller brunette woman showed up at Julian’s side and Yaz recognised her from one of her photoshoots a few months ago.
Clara Oswald was a stylist and designer and she was always the one responsible for dressing the models in the finest clothes for each photoshoot.
Julian eyed Yaz once more before turning slightly to Clara and saying, “You know which one.” Clara looked at Yaz as well and simply smiled, understanding perfectly what Julian had just requested and saying how she agreed completely.
Yaz, however, was more than a little confused.
The blonde finally focused all of her attention on the two friends who had remained in silence the entire time.
“Sorry about that.” She smiled that divine smile and Yaz could swear the entire studio was growing hotter by the second which only was made worse when Julian extended her hand and introduced herself properly for the first time “I’m Julian Smith. I’ll be photographing you today. But you probably know that already."
Yaz took Julian’s hand, realising her palm was actually quite sweaty and she tried not to cringe at that realisation, hoping the other woman hadn't noticed.
"Yasmin Khan. Yaz to my friends." They shook hands for a bit and then Julian retrieved it, smiling broadly at Yaz and Yaz mentally face palmed herself upon realising that Julian clearly knew who she was.
"Oh, I know. I've researched you." The blonde said and Yaz didn't know exactly what to make of that, but she suddenly felt very self-conscious.
Yaz wasn't one to usually Google herself but from what her family, agent and friends told her, there was a bit too much information about her online.
More than she would've liked.
But once it was online you couldn't take it back and Yaz was always extremely careful about where she was seen and with who.
A few things sometimes would slip away because of paparazzi that she just couldn't avoid. But the things that mattered, the important things like her close friendships and family or even the occasional flings, those she had managed to keep private for the most part.
Though Yaz couldn't help but wonder exactly how much reading Julian had made on her and how much she knew. And then she realised it didn't really matter because she had also searched Julian on the internet, although her search had come back a lot emptier than Julian's probably had.
"I’ve researched you too actually. Couldn't find much though." Yaz smiled but then she noticed Julian's smile get a little smaller. A little sadder. Or maybe it was just her imagination.
Luckily for the both of them, before things could get awkward Bill interjected.
"And I'm Bill." She extended her hand to Julian and this one shook it, seemingly pleased by the change in topic.
"Bill Potts, right?" She asked and Yaz could swear Bill's cheeks had grown a little darker at Julian's recognition.
But as usual Bill disguised her slightly nervousness under flirting, but Yaz knew her way too well "Did you research me too?" Bill asked Julian with a smirk on her lips, but the blonde simply smiled, retrieving her hand, and shoved them in her pockets.
"Clara mentioned you actually." She said pointing backwards to the way the brunette from earlier had headed to "She worked with you a few months ago I think, and she's been mentioning you since."
She gave Bill a wink and returned her attention to Yaz. Bill seemed to take the hint that Julian had given her though Yaz had no clue what sort of hint that was until Bill bid her goodbyes and said she was gonna go and find Clara.
Yaz shook her head. Her best friend never changed and Yaz was glad that was the case.
“So…” Julian said taking a step closer to Yaz and she felt her heart skip yet another beat when the blonde put her index finger under Yaz’s chin and turned her head slightly to one side and then the other all the while looking at Yaz’s whole face very closely.
Examining her, it seemed.
“The makeup looks incredible.” She said finally letting go and taking the same step back, Yaz felt the breath she had been holding suddenly get loose.
They talked for a few more minutes. Julian took Yaz through the photoshoot plans, explaining to her what was intended and how she expected the results to turn out. She told Yaz how this photoshoot was part of a project and that the photographs, instead of being posted on some magazine, were being exhibited in a gallery for the period of a month. A gallery that apparently thousands of people visited during the course of that time.
The photos would not be allowed to be exhibited or posted anywhere without Julian’s permission.
Yaz felt a bit more nervous all of a sudden. For some reason, the purpose of these photographs felt a lot more serious than any other photoshoot she had done before. Yaz suddenly felt a lot of responsibility towards Julian. She wanted to do well.
She wanted to be worthy of the opportunity.
After all, this could be yet another door of opportunities for her career and Yaz had no idea what was waiting for her on the other side.
But for some strange reason, she also didn’t want to let Julian down. Yaz wanted to do well for her, show her she deserved to have been given this chance.
The way Julian talked her through the entire thing, even if she was still omitting the true theme of the photoshoot (if it had one), it made it clear to Yaz that this was something close to Julian’s heart. That she was truly passionate about it and really did care about the project.
In all her career, Yaz hadn’t met that many photographers, especially in that industry, that would show this much love and passion for what they did and for that Yaz respected Julian immensely. Because Yaz also felt a lot of love and passion for her own job.
After a few more minutes, Clara finally came back and called Yaz to go and change her outfit and Julian told her she'll be ready to shoot in ten.
Yaz followed the brunette into a familiar room that she'd been in a few times when she had had previous photoshoots in the same studio.
Yaz was immediately awestruck when she saw the dress Julian had apparently picked out for her to wear.
The material was almost silk like and the colour presented as a deep red wine. On the mannequin it already looked stunning and once Yaz put it on she had to take a double take at herself.
Yaz has definitely worn dresses and outfits that are a lot fancier than that one, and yet none of them quite compared to what Julian had picked out.
The entire dress fitted Yaz’s body in all the right places and the deep red made such a beautiful contrast with the colour of her skin that she just couldn’t stop looking at herself.
The dress was simple, tying at the back of her neck and leaving half her back exposed. There was a slit the length of her leg on the right side and every time she moved or walked, there were glimpses of her leg being exposed.
Yaz completely loved it.
She hoped she would be allowed to keep it.
“Julian was right. It looks gorgeous on you.” Clara said while walking around Yaz to make sure there was nothing missing.
“Did she pick this?” Yaz asked, stepping out of the platform she was standing on when Clara nodded approvingly.
“Yup. Julian chooses all the outfits for the models she photographs.” Clara handed Yaz a robe for her to put on until she got to the studio, to make sure she wouldn’t be cold and something that she could wear on top of the dress during breaks “Although I have to admit she showed a lot more interest in this one than any other before. She actually went with me to the shop to pick the material and colour.”
Clara must have noticed Yaz’s surprised expression at the revelation because she added “This photoshoot is really important to her, Yaz. She wouldn’t make such an effort otherwise. Trust me. I’ve worked with her for years.”
Yaz decided not to say anything, but the thought that Julian had gone to such extreme lengths to make sure the dress was perfect was something that made Yaz’s heart jolt. To think that Yaz was now wearing such a dress, that had received such a great amount of attention from Julian, was a warm feeling that settled in her lower belly and she started to regret wearing the robe that Clara had given her.
She was feeling way too hot.
Keep it together Yaz. Julian’s the photographer. You’re the model. Just be professional.
Her thoughts were interrupted by Clara. “By the way, your friend Bill is really nice. Very bold too. She just got in here and gave me her number saying we should go for coffee.”
Yaz chuckled “That’s Bill alright. Though to be fair, Julian might have had something to do with that. But behind that brave confident exterior, Bill’s really a softie at heart.”
“I’ll remember that.” Clara opened the door for Yaz and pointed her in the direction back to the studio “Good luck! I’ll see you when it’s time for the outfit change.”
“Outfit change? I didn’t see any other outfit in there.” Yaz pointed out frowning. An outfit change wasn’t unusual, but she would usually be shown everything she was meant to wear before the photoshoot started so the fact that that hadn’t happened this time felt a little strange.
“Julian likes to keep things a secret until they actually happen.” Clara smiled, “You’ll see the outfit when it’s time, but I promise you it’s just as good as that one.”