Chapter Text
‘Don’t try to find him,’ Kakashi-sensei told him before his departure. ‘You can try to find yourself instead’.
Naruto had abandoned the idea some time ago, so there was no need for him to say that. He was immensely tired of running, searching, and following in that never-ending chase. He had been doing it for so long that he had nearly forgotten who he was, and it was something Kakashi was right about. Naruto should hate the thought of his sensei being right about that , but he was most tired of hatred.
When he urged himself to let go and forgive, the felt terrifyingly cold hollowness creep up to his heart instead of hatred. At moments like that, he would stare dumbly at his artificial hand which he wanted to rip off many times before. ‘Who am I?’ was a weird thought that occurred to him once. The hand still felt foreign, it never became a part of his body for real. What felt very much real was half of his soul being gone. He wasn’t sure how it could be more painful than losing a hand.
‘When you feel this, remind yourself your name, your location, and the date,’ Kakashi advised when he noticed Naruto dissociate amidst the conversation. ‘It may sound simple, but it will help’.
They never discussed what ‘this’ meant, but he was sure that Kakashi-sensei knew what he was talking about. Besides, he insisted that Naruto stopped calling him sensei because there was hardly anything he could teach him at that point. It wasn’t true, and Naruto still called him sensei in his thoughts, unable to get used to Rokudaime. There wasn’t anyone he could call father, so he could not afford to lose the sensei thing as well.
‘My name is Uzumaki Naruto,’ he mumbled under his breath as he walked. ‘Today is most likely Monday, the fifth of December. I am in the middle of nowhere, but it’s not the Land of Fire anymore’.
Naruto made a deep breath and stopped, looking at the half-frozen soil under his soles. He wished he could at least feel cold and shiver, but the bijuu chakra kept him warm all the time. He wished he could feel a damn thing.
He had been on the road for about a week already and had plenty of time to himself. Kakashi assigned him a solo mission, a very important and secret one, which they both knew it was not. Naruto might not be the smartest one in the room, but he was sure that observing the political situation in the Land of Bamboo and reporting it to the Hokage was neither S-rank, nor of any interest to the Leaf.
The secret mission turned up after Naruto had declined an official vacation, knowing that a week of being unoccupied will make his thoughts and feelings eat him alive. He had been taking countless missions for almost two years by now, with only a few short periods of rest when he got injured so badly that even Kurama needed some time to heal him. Sometimes the line between being reckless and suicidal became blurred, but that’s what made him the strongest hero, after all.
The secret mission emerged right after Naruto snapped after what felt like the thousandth request to show some trick using the power of a Tailed Beast. He wasn’t some fucking circus magician, and the power he had been cursed with could take and save lives equally. It had ruined and saved his own life too, and he still couldn’t find the true meaning behind all of this. Maybe there wasn’t any meaning at all, and he was doomed to die according to some divine plan just like his mother did.
Naruto strived to be recognized, respected and loved his whole life, but when he finally achieved this, the price turned out to be too high. It was an awful feeling: to realize that your lifetime dream could not make you happy. He became very reserved, unlike he used to be, and suspected insincerity in every kind look or word aimed at him. Half of the people who knew him treated him like some celestial being whom they were hardly worthy of talking to, and the other half acted like he was severely ill without a chance of recovery. Naruto thought that there wasn’t a single soul left in this world who would treat him in any other way. Well, actually, he knew one.
After a whole day of running or walking, he was getting a bit tired and considered rest. Trains were coursing between big towns or villages only, so Naruto reached the last station at the border between the Land of Fire and the smaller countries, then continued his journey by foot. He had an approximate map he checked from time to time, hoping that things have not changed much since the time the map was designed. After the war ended, many borders shifted, some villages became countries and some countries disappeared completely. The further he was getting from the Land of Fire, the fewer people recognized his face at once. Naruto felt a bit encouraged by this.
Still, he had not come across anything resembling a village for about three days. He didn’t mind it; he still had enough food and water and didn’t need any supplies or other help. Of course, he would prefer to sleep in a bed or at least on a futon under the roof, but spending a night in a tree hollow wasn’t something unusual for a shinobi. When the weather was nice, he might just tie his legs to a thick branch of a high tree and sleep like this. There were times when he needed to stay alert and avoid threats that might catch up with him when the darkness of the night fell upon the world. But now, in that forest in an unknown country, Naruto himself was the biggest menace.
A slight change in the landscape hinted that there was a water source nearby. He decided to look for it and resupply water just in case he would not reach any settlement in another day or two. However, his experience suggested that people tend to build accommodations closer to the water, so there should be a village somewhere not so far away.
His intuition was right, and soon the trees became less frequent and the ground level became lower. Naruto noticed human-made paths and several tree stumps: now it was obvious that there were people nearby. It was getting dark really quickly in winter, and he assumed that whoever was living in the forest had already gone home, closer to a safe and warm fireplace. The thought made him feel a weak jolt of homesickness.
Anyway, Naruto had no intention of disturbing the imaginary residents for the sake of his own comfort. He was going to wash himself and the clothes as soon as he reached the water. He could tell by small streams of steam that escaped his mouth with each out-breath that the weather was rather cold. Any normal human would freeze to death after bathing in a cold river, but Naruto could not be bothered by that. His will of fire was still strong enough to keep him alive under extreme circumstances.
In about half an hour of walking, he finally reached a small river that resembled a lively stream rather than a real river. He found a big rock where he could put his backpack safely without making the stuff inside wet and then undressed quickly. Naruto examined his uniform skeptically, then sniffed it and decided that doing the laundry could wait a bit more. It would be more convenient to wash the clothes somewhere near the civilization where he could heat the water easily and hang his stuff to dry it. Maybe he would be able to find a kind old lady who would do it for him if he was lucky enough.
Naruto entered the water and shivered from head to toe: despite the immunity to cold, he wasn’t numb and it was still uncomfortable. The water level hardly reached his thighs, so he cursed under his breath and forced himself to sit down so that it covered him to his neck. He gasped and wrapped his hands around himself, trying to get used to the low temperature sooner. The only benefit of bathing in cold water was the possibility to fall asleep sooner after this.
It wasn’t anything like taking a shower or a proper bath, but still, Naruto felt a bit relieved after he had cleaned himself. The bright crescent of the moon lit everything around well enough for him to see clearly without any fire. Still, he remained alert and paid attention to every sound that wasn’t the rustling of leaves or the whooshing of the wind. It was unlikely that he would face any threat in this forsaken land, but the habit of staying vigilant was engraved in his character just like any other shinobi’s.
Naruto hardly finished dressing up when he heard a sound that stood out acutely. It was a monotonous and distant noise as if someone was hitting a hard surface. Startled crows flew away in the sky above his head with loud croaking. He watched the direction they came from and concluded that the sound was coming from the woods. It might be some wild animal, although he had not noticed any animalistic footprints on his way there. It was still worth investigating the source of the sound before settling for the night. Naruto wasn’t in the right mood for a fight with a wild boar or something even bigger.
He took his backpack and headed back to the woods, stepping very carefully in order not to make any sound. He was mindful and didn’t enter the forest on purpose, instead, he walked along its edge and listened, trying to notice any change in the nature of the noise that had drawn his attention. Having acute hearing was good, but he would rather make use of some cool eye techniques to have a glance inside the woods.
Naruto tensed once he heard sounds that were definitely not animalistic: those were human voices that didn’t seem close enough for him to tell what they were saying. There were at least four of five people talking, and the voices were male, from what he could tell. The chopping noise stopped abruptly as soon as the strangers began their conversation.
It was at least suspicious that a group of people gathered in such a place and almost at night, moreover, the tone of their voices suggested that it wasn’t friendly talk. Naruto’s sense of self-preservation didn’t go as far as to stop him from coming closer, even though he took a moment to consider the odds. It might be dangerous, but on the other hand, it was his chance to determine where these people came from and how far the nearest village was where he could rest. As a result, he used chakra control to jump on the nearest tree and advanced further, moving towards the source of the sound. He stopped soon, preserving some distance between himself and the strangers, and then realized that they were civilians. Many shinobi would sense his chakra from there and he would be revealed, but the guys didn’t pay any attention to him as he was sitting on a high branch of a big pine. One of them did look towards Naruto though, but then quickly turned away, having decided that it was nothing. Naruto held his breath just in case; long pine needles covered him well enough to stay unnoticed, and he also wore a white cape since his orange tracksuit made him too noticeable against the snowy background.
The guy who almost noticed him seemed to have some argument with the other men. He caught Naruto’s eye not only because he turned out to be observant enough to notice a nearly unaudible rustling in the tree above their heads, but also because he looked rather unusual. Despite the frosty weather, he was topless and his shirt was tied around his waist. Naruto squinted and observed an axe in the guy’s hand: it looked massive and sharp. He realized that it was less of a weapon and more of his working instrument, and the noise he had heard previously was the result of chopping a tree. Naruto wasn’t used to seeing such a young man working as a lumberjack: in Konoha, these were usually retired shinobi who could not do missions anymore.
As the voices became louder, he paid attention to whatever the men were arguing about.
‘You messing around here again, kid?’
‘We should let the Leader know that you chop our trees without permission’.
‘Yeah, you thought no one would notice at night, you rat?’
The younger man with an axe took a defensive pose and backed down a bit, probably to ensure that he could not be circled by his enemies. Naruto looked at him attentively and it came to his mind that the guy was used to fighting, even though he wasn’t a shinobi.
‘I don’t need anyone’s permission,’ the guy replied calmly. ‘I don’t belong to your village’.
‘Then why you come to us to sell our wood then?’
‘Because I can and I will,’ the younger man rushed ahead unexpectedly, holding the axe in front of himself. ‘Don’t bother me or I will sell meat next time. No one would tell it from pork’.
Wow, that was bold, Naruto thought to himself and smirked. He felt a bit of sympathy for the guy, probably because he was obviously an outsider. He even considered helping him if things turned out bad for him, but it would be rather reckless. Moreover, he didn’t seem to need any help.
The men who harassed the lumberjack guy were all bark and no bite, it turned out. They stepped away instinctively, clearly unwilling to fight with someone armed with a big axe. Naruto noticed that they were not bare-handed too: one of them was hiding a knife and the others brought batons or just thick branches which hardly were of any use against the axe. One of the men who stood the farthest picked a stone from the ground and threw it towards the younger guy. It was quite a dumb move, Naruto thought. Not only these men weren’t shinobi, they hardly ever fought anyone in their lives. Good for them, honestly.
Their opponent dodged the attack and clenched the axe even tighter. He obviously kept himself from attacking in his turn, and Naruto admitted that it was wise. There wouldn’t be any point in wasting energy on a useless fight with an enemy who is underskilled to fight back.
‘Leave me alone and I won’t hurt you,’ the guy’s voice became lower and more intimidating. ‘Go back to your families’.
If I were you, I would follow the advice, Naruto thought. He was getting really engaged in the scene since there was not much entertainment for him on his long journey.
‘Be careful, rat,’ one of the men said as his fellows were leaving rather hurriedly. ‘Your little hut may catch fire suddenly, it would be unfortunate’.
The guy left this unanswered and got back to his business: he chopped the tree with confident and steady hits, he must have done it a hundred times before. Naruto realized that there was nothing to stare at anymore and remembered his intention to find the village. He needed to follow the men who encountered the axe guy so that he would reach their village eventually. Besides, the guy might switch to a nearby tree and discover him if he’s not quick enough. Naruto wasn’t afraid of him, but he made a few grown men escape with tails between their legs. He wasn’t just an ordinary rural guy, so it would be better to avoid him. The fewer people he encounters in this strange place, the better.
Naruto concentrated the chakra in his legs and jumped over to another tree as quietly and carefully as possible, clutching the branch with his hands firmly. He wasn’t sure why he glanced at the axe guy on the ground below. He must have done it instinctively, to ensure that his switch remained unnoticed. Only that it didn’t: the guy looked up again, following the rustling sound of the pine needles and cape. Naruto froze, knowing that his camouflage skills were not perfect.
He looked at the guy from above, and the moonlight revealed his face as he was observing the trees around him. His young features were sharp, or it just seemed so due to the pale light from the Moon. The guy frowned even more than before and turned away, having failed to find anything suspicious. He seemed very cautious, and the fact that he quickly put on his shirt and left, having taken his axe and a bunch of wood, only confirmed it.
Naruto suddenly realized that he might not be able to catch up with the villagers anymore due to this pause. He rushed forward in the direction they took earlier and luckily, he saw them pretty soon since they were walking not so fast due to the snow. Naruto almost took pity on them for their inability to concentrate chakra in their feet and move easily.
The scene in the forest he had witnessed made him think about the lives of civilians outside the hidden villages or Great Countries. He knew that the fight over resources was constant and even big countries were engaged in it, with only a few of them trading after the Fourth War. But to fight over some log? Things must be really bad in the settlement he was headed to. He had not much hope left for a warm dinner and a place to spend the night.
In about half an hour of walking and careful jumping from tree to tree, they reached the village that could be hardly called so. Naruto patiently waited for the men to enter the gates which didn’t seem very reliable compared to the ones in Konoha. He wanted to pretend that he was just a wanderer looking for a place to stay for the night and not some stalker who followed them from the very river.
He waited a bit more and then approached the gates: they turned out to be locked. No big deal: the wooden fence protecting the village was not too high and Naruto was able to jump over it. He nearly ripped his pants against the sharp peaks on the top of the fence though, but other than this his intrusion went smoothly.
It was late already, and there was no one outside. It became clear to Naruto at the first glance that the settlement didn’t have anything like an inn where he could try to book a bed for the night. The village consisted of several small huts which stood close to each other. Some of them were made of stone and some of wood or even straw. Probably, the material reflected the level of income of their owners. The huts formed some kind of a circle, and the biggest building stood aside - it must have been some administrative facility, like the Hokage office in Konoha.
Naruto walked further into the village, still moving quietly, and found empty carts and stalls in its center. This was probably the marketplace where people bought and traded goods, and he looked through the shelves, hoping to find something edible. In Konoha, many shops and market stalls left the food they could not sell during the day available for those in need. Apparently, this village could not afford this, since he found nothing except a couple of dead bugs. He could eat them too if needed, but he was not that hungry yet.
Having finished his research, he decided to go on and knock on a random door and ask if he could stay overnight. Normally, he did it only when there was no guest house in the village, and usually, people allowed him to stay since he was a shinobi. Some of them even considered it an honor, once they recognized him as Uzumaki Naruto.
The first house opened its door merely for its owner to stick his nose outside and glance over him from head to toe.
‘Hello, I am a traveler and I need a place to stay overnight, may I come in?’ Naruto asked directly. It was always better to get right to the point when there was a risk of being attacked rather than welcomed.
‘You are not a traveler,’ the man replied and the visible part of his face frowned. ‘You are a shinobi. We do not welcome your folk here, so no’.
‘Okay,’ Naruto nodded and smiled widely which was his protective mechanism he was never able to get rid of. Sometimes it made him look like an idiot. ‘Have a nice evening,’ he added, but the door had already closed in front of him.
The other hut owner told him to go away before he even opened his mouth to ask for permission to stay. The other ones just did not react to his knocks. Naruto scratched his head, having found himself in a difficult and unusual situation. He didn’t know why the villagers did not trust shinobi that much, but there must have been a reason he wasn’t going to find out. Apparently, his only option was to sleep outside as he planned initially.
Naruto sighed and ordered himself to stay strong. It was just a temporary inconvenience, and he had faced much worse in his life. He left the village in the same way he had entered it and chose another path in the forest since he knew that the previous one would take him to the river again.
He expected to find a vacant tree hollow, but it was not an easy task in the pine forest. It would be really good to find a safe place before his tiredness overwhelmed him.
Naruto nearly yelped from happiness when he saw a standalone hut among the trees ahead. Upon approaching it he discovered that the hut even had a small vegetable garden and a henhouse. The owners must have been a well-off family, though not the richest, judging by the state of the old roof and windows that nearly reached the ground from their age.
His excitement faded out as suddenly as it appeared once he remembered the argument in the forest. ‘I don’t belong to your village,’ the axe guy said. ‘Your little hut may catch fire,’ one of the men threatened. Naruto did not believe it was just a coincidence. The owner of the hut was likely the axe guy, and he didn’t feel comfortable with asking him to stay at his place.
It was a tough choice between sleeping outside in winter and encountering an intimidating person with weird behavior, obviously feared by his neighbors. Naruto chose sneaking inside the henhouse where it was only slightly warmer than outside due to a hole in the roof.
There were just about three chickens, from what he could see in the dark. He put his backpack on the ground and piled the heaps of straw together to make an improvised futon. Naruto lay down and rested his head on the backpack, having covered himself with his cape. It was almost nice, moreover, he could see the starry sky through the hole in the roof.
He started drifting off to sleep rather quickly, although he didn’t have a chance to fall asleep completely. The sounds of steps outside the henhouse forced him awake and he tensed, then jumped into the darkest corner just in time. The door opened with a loud creak and the hut owner entered, clenching his axe right in front of himself for protection. Naruto cursed in his thoughts, feeling very stupid. He hoped that his presence would remain unnoticed and he was going to leave with the first rays of sunlight. The best strategy in this situation was to pretend defenseless, in order not to provoke the axe guy. Naruto didn’t want to hurt him for no reason.
‘You better explain what you are doing here,’ the guy spoke first, his voice as sharp as before.
Looking closely, Naruto noticed that he was taller than him and had a firm build. It was expected, considering his life occupation. Due to the darkness, he couldn’t tell his facial expression for sure, but most likely, the guy wasn’t excited to meet him.
‘Please don’t hit me, I just wanted a place to sleep,’ Naruto blurted, unable to come up with something more reassuring.
‘So you are some homeless tramp?’ the axe guy asked with suspicion.
‘Yeah, kind of,’ Naruto nodded readily and then decided that honesty would work best. ‘Well, actually, I am a shinobi on a mission. The guys in the village did not let me stay, so I came across your house. If you let me spend the night here, I will leave in the morning, I promise’.
The guy jerked at the sound of the word ‘shinobi’ and pulled the axe closer to his chest instinctively, which left Naruto puzzled. Did he have the same superstition against shinobi as the rest of the villagers?
‘It was dumb of you to tell them that you were a shinobi,’ he said after a pause. ‘That’s why no one let you in’.
‘Okay, I don’t know why you guys dislike the shinobi that much, but I am not going to cause you trouble,’ Naruto promised. ‘I am unarmed’.
It was a dumb bluff indeed; the axe guy huffed and approached, making Naruto tense.
‘An unarmed shinobi?’ he asked. ‘Do you think I am an idiot? Stay still and let me seek through. Make a move and I will twist your neck’.
He put the axe away and Naruto decided to obey, for the sake of earning the guy’s trust and his permission to stay overnight. His manner of speech and rude attitude resembled someone he would rather not remember often. As if he could ever forget. Naruto felt the bitterness in his throat as if he had eaten a sagebrush.
His new acquaintance searched through his pockets and clothes which felt rather awkward. He found his kunai and shurikens soon enough, and Naruto allowed him to take them away. In fact, he carried them out of habit only, since he did not need any cold weapon. He had enough cards up his sleeve to fight without using it.
‘So, uhm, can I stay now?’ he asked once the axe guy was done with disarming him.
At that moment, a ray of moonlight broke through the hole in the roof which allowed Naruto to see his face. He was really young, probably the same age as himself, and he was staring at him with an odd expression. Naruto could swear that he had never seen this guy in his entire life before this day, but the other one looked at him as if he struggled to recall his face. He felt uncomfortable at once; he knew that look. People looked at him like this quite often, and it usually resulted in a burst of excitement when they recognized him.
Naruto felt relieved when he understood that the guy didn’t know him either. Perhaps he was just considering whether to allow him to stay.
‘Okay, you look like some loser, so I think you’re harmless,’ the guy concluded. ‘You can come to the fireplace, just don’t pester me. I am tired after work’.
Naruto bit his tongue as he nearly mentioned that he had seen him working in the forest. It would be better not to reveal that he had seen him before.
‘Yeah, you have no idea what a loser I am,’ he nodded eagerly. ‘Thank you a lot. I might have frozen to death if not for you’.
This was a big exaggeration, but Naruto decided to support the guy’s idea of his uselessness. He wasn’t very good at lying, so it was the best he could do to stay in disguise. He expected to hear something like ‘Welcome’ in response, but the guy just took his axe and left the henhouse silently. Naruto decided to follow him to the main house, having taken it as an invitation.
The interior of the hut consisted of one room only, which served as a kitchen and a bedroom simultaneously. Everything looked quite old and worn, but Naruto wasn’t used to expensive accommodation anyway. The only things he cared about were a roof above his head and a fireplace in the middle of the room. He took his cape and the footwear off, then approached the fire and withdrew his hands towards it. He wasn’t especially cold, but he couldn’t reveal that he had the inhuman ability to stay warm all the time. The axe guy didn’t pay attention to him anyway, so he stopped acting and sit near the fireplace quietly.
‘What’s your name?’ Naruto asked to break the silence while the hut owner was looking through what appeared to be his food reserve. The pause was so long that he decided that the guy ignored the question.
‘Kawaki,’ he replied without looking at him.
‘Nice to meet you,’ Naruto said and smiled genuinely. He couldn’t say that he enjoyed the company very much, but at least the guy wasn’t trying to kill him and even invited him inside. He couldn’t be a bad person. Well, he might try to kill him in his sleep, but Naruto was trying to be optimistic.
‘What’s nice about it?’ Kawaki asked as he put some dish looking like a very liquid stew above the fire to heat it. ‘You intrude into my house and you think it’s nice?’
Naruto couldn’t help but sigh. This guy was really weird, even compared to himself.
‘Well, sorry about that,’ he apologized. ‘This is just what people say when they make an acquaintance’.
‘So what’s your name then, shinobi?’
Naruto hesitated before replying. During the past couple of years, he felt uneasy when telling people his name due to their reactions. Kawaki obviously didn’t recognize him yet, so he decided to take the risk.
‘Naruto,’ he answered, avoiding the last name.
He stared at Kawaki, trying to tell his expression. Not a glimpse of recognition; he was safe for now.
‘Wanna eat, Naruto?’
He was starting to like the guy more. Apparently, he preferred to act like a villain most of the time, while he was actually quite nice. Naruto fetched his backpack and noticed that his sudden movement startled Kawaki: he clenched the table knife instinctively.
‘Woah, easy,’ Naruto exclaimed. ‘I just want to share some food I have. It’s not very tasty, but that’s all I have’.
He put some dried meat and a couple of stale onigiri in front of Kawaki. He took it and sniffed before taking a bite of the meat. Naruto chuckled and began to eat from the bowl of stew he was offered. Did this guy even know words like ‘Thank you for the food’?
They ate in silence; Naruto wouldn’t mind small talk but remembered Kawaki’s request not to pester him. He hadn’t talked to anyone for days and felt a bit lonely. That was his constant problem: he wanted to run away from everyone only to yearn for some human interaction soon.
Instead of talking, he observed Kawaki sneakily. If he wasn’t frowning all the time, Naruto would even call him handsome. He had a weird haircut with a mop of black hair on the top of his head while the rest of it was cut very short. He decided that it was a result of doing his hair on his own.
Once they were done eating, Kawaki took the bowls and the cutlery and left the hut. Naruto shrugged his shoulders and started preparing for sleep just like he did in the henhouse before he was interrupted. He saw a bed in the corner of the room but it was self-explanatory that Kawaki would keep it to himself.
He returned after some time, and Naruto realized that he was busy doing the dishes and cleaning himself. He noticed that Kawaki was shivering, so the water must have been as cold as in the river.
He took off his shirt and got into bed without saying a word, having turned his face towards the wall. Naruto glanced at the axe he put near the bed and said nothing. He didn’t expect Kawaki to fully trust him at the first sight, even though he wasn’t going to do anything to make him think that he was a threat.
He positioned himself as comfortably as possible and decided to try his luck once again after several minutes of shifting restlessly.
‘Maybe you have a spare blanket?’ he asked, hoping that Kawaki hadn’t fallen asleep yet.
‘Maybe you can shut up?’ he grumbled from the bed. ‘Do you want me to sing you to sleep or what?’
It seemed that Kawaki could be annoyed easily, so Naruto decided not to bother him anymore.
‘Okay, sorry, I’m good,’ he said. ‘Good night’.
It might be best to stay until Kawaki woke up in the morning, otherwise, he might be even more unpleasant to interact when awaken abruptly.