Chapter Text
Thor cringed as he felt his fist meet Loki's face, but he quickly hardened his expression. Loki refused to go about things reasonably, so he had no other option. Loki sucked in a sharp breath as he fell to his hands and knees, beginning to harshly panting in shock. He brought a shaky hand to the side of his face, finding blood on his hand as he drew it back. Flashes of horrifying thoughts flooded Loki's mind as he stared at the ground. Loki could hear Thor's booming voice in his ears, speaking of how much he wanted to slaughter all the Frost Giants and make them fear him. He could see Thor smashing his skull in with his hammer, him with bloodied knuckles as he stood over Loki's crumpled body, numerous different ways Thor could kill him. With each passing thought, Loki's breathing and heart rate got quicker, body going into a panic.
Loki looked up at Thor, his eyes wide with fear and hurt. Really, he shouldn't feel so betrayed at this point. Thor paused, taken back by Loki's expression. "Loki-" But the Trickster's expression soon morphed into one of rage. He was furious at the other and the fear he felt towards him. "If you're going to kill me, Odinson, just do it." His voice portrayed quiet anger with how clear but ragged it sounded, emphasizing Thor's last name. Trying to state the fact that they were not truly brothers. It would make things so much easier if Loki could just accept that. Thor frowned in confusion, "Loki, what are you on about? As corrupted as you are, I wouldn't do such a thing."
Loki couldn't contain a large, twisted grin from his face as Thor spoke. The expression resembling that of a madman. Thor said exactly what Loki knew he would. Loki felt like he'd won, caught Thor in the act of lying, because he knew he could prove that damn golden child wrong. Because there's no way in Hel Thor wouldn't kill him if Loki pushed hard enough. And that's exactly what Loki wanted. He wanted to die, to prove Thor was lying. Oh how ironic it is that Thor would say such a lie. Loki just wanted to make this whole nightmare that is his life be over with. Thor just barely completed his statement before a maniacal, almost hysterical, laugh came from Loki. Thor flinched, getting increasingly uncomfortable with Loki's seemingly unstable behavior.
Loki staggered to his feet, looking to almost fall at one point. Thor grabbed him by the arm to keep him up-right while Loki used the closeness to look the other dead in the eyes, "Oh, I know that's a lie", the grin never leaving his face. Thor's concern grew, it was made clear on his face. Loki just dug in deeper, getting closer to Thor's face as he spoke, "Don't act like you haven't talked about how much you wanted me dead." Now confusion took over Thor. He couldn't think of what Loki could possibly be talking about. Had he said something stupid while drunk? Or maybe his brother was just lying like he always did. The thought reemerged Thor's anger, making him grip Loki's arm tighter, "Loki, you're talking nonsense, just quit this stupid act so we can leave."
Loki's heart raced quicker as he felt Thor's grip tighten, pain starting to spread through his arm. Sure, he was furious, bitter, and now purposefully angering Thor, but he was terrified. Thor had taken on several larger Frost Giants before. And he enjoyed it. Of course he did. They're monsters. He hates them. And Thor hates Loki as well. He's a monster, a murderer, an annoying trickster that doesn't know his place. Thor really could kill him. Probably truly wants to, he just doesn't want to admit it. But Loki didn't want to die so easily just yet, not until he puts Thor through the same emotional hell he's been going through for years. It's not fair that he gets to act like everything is fine while Loki's been suffering all this time. "You'll hunt them down and slay them all, isn't that right?"
The memory practically punched Thor in the face, the words sounding uncomfortably familiar. His blood ran cold and his face went pale. He nearly let go of Loki's arm from how sick he felt all of a sudden. "I- that... that's not what I meant," desperately trying to grasp at anything to fix the situation, redeem himself, but his fumbled words were no use.
Loki let himself start to shift, starting with his free hand, a deep blue spreading over it. Loki's voice changed into something angry and bitter as he scowled, "Isn't it?" He grabbed the hand still wrapped around his arm, letting the cold seep into it. Thor hissed as he jerked his hand away, looking to see part of it was black from frostbite. Thor looked back up at Loki in time to see his face being overtaken by a deep royal blue, lines a lighter shade becoming visible on his face. His eyes turned red, as red as the blood on his face that Thor spilt. The red remained in stark contrast on Loki's blue skin, the crimson color staying. Since it was no longer part of what Loki could shapeshift, it would not take on the purple hue Jotunn blood has.
Besides the color, Loki took on even more physical changes. His canines became sharper and longer, nails becoming pointed like claws. The most obvious change was the pair of horns on his head, looking strangely similar to those that his helmet bore.
Loki made quite the sight. The mess of ink black hair. The disheveled black and green fighting armor. The soft, ethereal looking blue skin. His enraged expression amplified by the blood red eyes. His breathing had become ragged, hands balled into fists and shaking. He wanted to tear Thor apart. He wanted to pull the ground out from itself and watch the arena crumble. He wanted to destroy everything. He wanted to tear himself apart. He hates feeling like this. It's not fair.
Thor always comes in and ruins everything. Because he always finds something wrong with what Loki does. It's strange, undignified for an Asgardian. Well Loki's not one, so that shouldn't matter. By the Norns, he's tired of it. He's tired of Thor, but also tired of himself for caring so much. If he could just stop feeling so much for one damn moment. If he could just sink into the ground and stop existing for a while.
Loki's breathing kept getting faster as he spiraled mentally, not realizing he was starting to have a panic attack. The memories of how Thor fought and talked of Jotnar kept intruding into his mind. Ice had started to form and grow all around him, jagged crystal spikes protruding away from him in all directions. There were gasps from the audience, all staring in awe. The ice was stunning, mostly clear, and unforgiving. It started to break through from underneath the arena floor, causing the place to shake and the audience to scream as several ran out. The arena floor and walls were quickly becoming covered in a thin layer of ice.
Thor had backed away, nearly halfway across the arena now, starting to be afraid of what Loki could do. And yet, he didn't understand why Loki could be so upset. He had said and done a bunch of stupid stuff in the past, but he's not like anymore. At least, he hopes he's not. Why didn't Loki understand that? "Loki!" Thor shouted, inching a bit closer in Loki's direction. "Enough of this! We can talk this out later, but right now-"
Loki didn't want to hear it, didn't want to hear another word out of his mouth. "Like I said Odinson! If you want to kill me," his voice loud and guttural before he drew one arm back, feeling the cold surround his arm as ice formed around it, "Just do it!" He practically growled as his arm swung forward, now purposefully directing the ice. A path of ice crystals quickly shot up from the ground, going directly towards Thor.
Thor just managed to lunge and roll out of the way. He looked over at Loki to see the other stagger slightly, huffing as he tried to breathe normally. To Loki, Thor killing him wasn't some unjustified fear, it was inevitable. He just wanted it to be over with, the suspension was the worst part of it. But at the same time, he wanted Thor more angry, wanted him to admit how much he hated Loki. A part of Loki wanted him to be the one that killed Thor, wanted himself to be the one that took his own life. But he didn't know if things could end that way here.
A sudden sharp, pinching pain in the side of his neck momentarily brought Loki out of his thoughts. His hand quickly shot up to figure out what was causing it and found... Oh... that damn disk that gets put on the fighters. He guessed The Grandmaster didn't approve of his little ice show destroying the arena. Sure enough, he looked up at the pretentious ruler's viewing box to see the man wasn't too pleased and perhaps even a bit unsettled. Loki snarled before digging his now clawed nails into the flesh off his neck, ripping the annoying disk out and tossing it to the ground. Purple blood pooled from the open wound, but the god wasn't deterred by it. He crushed the damn thing under his boot, emphasising that such a device couldn't actually harm him, it was just for show. He looked back up at The Grandmaster. The sight brought a grin to Loki's face. The Grandmaster looked concerned, scared even. Good. As usefully as being underestimated can be, Loki was getting sick of it. He was sick of everything.
With the disk gone, Loki's magic moved more fluidly, now completely unrestricted. Instead of bringing forth a very different magic to go along side the ice, he simply allowed his magic to enhance it. Thicker ice covered the arena and made its way into the audience seats, anyone who had stayed behind now fled in a panic. The viewing box was also probably abandoned, but it could no longer be seen through the ice. The preexisting ice cycles grew taller and wider all the while smaller ones formed. Wind and snow appeared out of nowhere. The whole stadium was becoming an enclosed and violent blizzard (a dangerous snow globe). Loki felt like he wasn't really processing anything that was happening. Everything felt fuzzy and far away, but he could hear the roaring of the wind, the destruction of the ground and walls as ice broke through it. And he could hear the screams coming from the terrified people. In a daze, Loki looked down at his hands, covered in his own blood, his eyes barely able to focus on them. Tears welled up in his eyes. He truly felt like he was a monster.
Thor couldn't bring himself to do much else besides watch in shock. All of Loki's armor now had a protective layer ice over it. The ice crystals nearest the trickster had become the largest, now resembling pillars, and were almost fully closing him off. When Thor noticed the unnerving sight of tears on his brother's face, it urged him to get closer, even as the frigid wind made it more and more difficult the closer he got. "L-Loki! Please!"
Tears were streaming down Loki's face now, though he didn't seem to notice, as he trembled and heaved for air, "No! I hate you! I hate you Thor! Why can't you just leave me alone!" Loki soon fell to his hands and knees, gasping out in loud broken sobs. He wanted to die, he wanted Thor to die, he wanted everyone in the universe to just die. He hated it all. He looked up at Thor through angry tears, "You wanted all the Frost Giants to fear you! Well are you happy now?" Loki hung his head down, staring at the ground as he cried, his emotions overwhelming him. The cold wind got worse, making Thor feel as if his skin was burning, but he pushed forward. He was nearly in tears from Loki's words and now desperate to get to him, to hold him, to help him. The seriousness of Loki's state was becoming clear to him. He still couldn't exactly understand what the other could be thinking, he was never really good at that, but the possibilities were now starting to scare Thor.
Thor finally made it to Loki and fell to his knees as well, now exhausted and out of breath. He managed to pulled the younger towards him, engulfing him into a firm but not strangling hug. Even as the cold seeped into more of his skin and spread the frostbite further, he still held him close, "I'm sorry Loki.... I... I don't understand... at all really... but... I don't want you to feel like this."
Loki had stiffened up the moment Thor hugged him, too consumed by his own emotions to notice how close he had gotten. He waited, waited for something else, something bad, something he deserved to have happen to him, but nothing did. It took a few moments for him to grasp what Thor had said and even longer for him to realize the words were truthful. Still, it was several more moments later before he relaxed, coming to terms with that fact that somehow Thor was hugging him even though he looks like and is a monster. But he guessed there were stranger things in the universe that were possible, so why not this? He sighed as he closed his eyes and let his head rest on Thor's shoulder, exhaustion taking over him. Thor just continued to hug him, not sure what else to do.