Chapter Text
Being in love with someone you can’t have is the very definition of misery. It is the worst kind of torment that hell itself can conjure up, suffering that makes it hard to breathe like thick, damp air on the most humid of days. It is waking up every day, already drained, hating the sight of the sun because it brought with it another day of being close, but not close enough. It was going to sleep at night with a weight crushing your chest, the weight of all the things you could never actually say because the risk was too great.
“Dani…hey, earth to Dani…”
Ring-clad fingers snapped in front of her face, breaking her out of her daze. Two eyes the color of a cup of warm coffee, and just as comforting, were looking at her with amusement. A teasing smile pulled up the corners of those lips that haunted her constantly these days.
“Sorry,” she laughed, shaking her head, attempting to rattle the useless and depressing thoughts to the back of her mind where they belonged.
“Where did you just go?” her best friend, Eddie, asked, pressing his toes into her thigh. They were sitting at either end of his couch, attempting to do homework. “I’ve been rambling on about the show on Tuesday for the past ten minutes. Did you hear a single thing I said?”
Dani bit her lower lip gently, running her fingers over her forehead, gently pressing against the skin. Closing her eyes, she released a small sigh. Her brain frantically worked to come up with a fast excuse as to why she had completely tuned him out for the last ten minutes.
“I’m sorry,” she muttered softly, unable to meet those eyes
that knew her so well. Those eyes that could read her like the open pages of a book. She couldn’t risk him reading the lie she was offering and the lies were coming more frequently these days. It was exhausting trying to keep up the part she was playing. “I guess I didn’t sleep well last night. I’m just tired.”
Eddie leaned over, taking her hands and pulling her against him on the couch. She turned so her back was cradled against his chest. His arm snuck around her, settling on her waist and every muscle and bone in her body liquefied. Shit. This used to be so natural. It used to be normal. They were always touching. His hand on her knee, her head on his shoulder, his arm around her, their fingers interlocked. When had his touch become so triggering?
“How come?” he asked softly, resting his chin on top of her
head.
Her eyes closed, breathing in the scent of him, that familiar fragrance of tobacco, the earthy skunky smell of the joint they had shared earlier, and the Calvin Klein Obsession cologne she had bought for him for his birthday after he had pocketed one at the store the year before. She could still picture the grin he’d flashed at her before he slid the bottle in his pocket. He wanted no part of being like his felon father but he couldn’t resist committing minor misdemeanors here and there. Nothing that would ever result in serious jail time, just a little public disobedience.
Eddie smelled like home to her. He smelled like late nights watching movies, sneaking into the woods during school to smoke, long hours rehearsing with the guys, hours spent looking through records and books at the used stores downtown, and the safe place she ran when the world got to be too much. He was her favorite person that had ever existed. He was her entire world wrapped up in one beautiful package.
“I don’t know,” she shrugged. Her fingers began playing with the rings on his hand that were draped over her stomach. Why did what used to be such a simple thing in her life suddenly have to be so goddamn complicated now? “I guess I am just stressed.”
“About what?”
“Umm…” Dani paused. “School.”
Eddie laughed, “Why are you stressed about school? You have A’s in every freaking subject without even trying. You’re the only reason I have a shot at graduating this year.”
“Well, it’s senior year, you know,” she stammered. “There’s a lot to think about. We’re about to be full blown grown ups and we have to figure out the rest of our lives. We have to know what we want to do for a living and whether we want to go to college and we have to apply for colleges and there’s going to be exams.”
“Shit Dani, it’s only September,” Eddie chuckled, gripping her chin and tilting her head back to look at him. “You can’t get this worked up already or you’re going to be rocking in a corner in the fetal position before Christmas. I don’t think I have enough product on hand to help with that kind of breakdown. You don’t have to plan out your whole life when you’re eighteen. Just relax, okay?”
Dani felt like a corset had been tightened around her ribs, someone pulling at the ties until she couldn’t breathe anymore. His lips were so close to hers, close enough that she could feel the air escaping his mouth as it brushed along her skin. Those soft eyes were holding hers and unwelcome pulses began where she absolutely did not want them. She couldn’t trust her voice to form sounds that resembled anything close to human language so she just nodded.
“That’s my girl,” he smiled, running his thumb over her bottom lip so it released from where she was holding it between her teeth. “See? Relaxed.”
This was not her definition of relaxed. She was wound up tighter than a clock. She couldn’t take it anymore. Dani pulled away from him, rising from the couch quickly and gathering her backpack from the floor. She began stuffing the Science textbook inside that she had been using for the homework they’d attempted to do. Doing homework with Eddie was next to impossible. She really didn’t know why she even tried anymore. He always found a way to distract them. His attention span was shorter than a goldfish, which Mr. Lake had just taught them was nine seconds long.
“Hey,” Eddie said, sitting up, his brows scrunching together as he watched her zip up her backpack. “Dani, what are you doing? I thought we’d order some pizza and watch a movie or something. Uncle Wayne is working late so it’s just me. I figured you’d sleep over and I could give you a ride to school in the morning.”
“I uh…” she stammered, slinging her bag over her shoulder. Damn it. She could not come up with an excuse fast enough. “Robin!”
“Robin?” asked Eddie, “What about Robin?”
“I told her I would go see The Breakfast Club tonight,” Dani answered, shrugging. “I’m sorry. I kind of totally forgot about it but I should really get going if we’re going to make the eight o’ clock movie.”
“Okay,” Eddie sighed. “Is Steve going because I could tag along? I mean, it’s just going to be me and a frozen tv dinner tonight otherwise.”
“I didn’t think the Breakfast Club was really your scene,” Dani laughed, hoping he wasn’t about to blow her lie wide open. “Teen drama and girls pining for guys. But you and me, two weeks from now, Nightmare on Elm Street!”
“Absolutely. I can’t wait, but that doesn’t mean we can’t go to the movies tonight too. I mean, yeah, angsty teen movies with a bunch of people whining about how awful their lives are when they drive a BMW and live in a five bedroom house aren’t usually my thing, but I can deal. I made it through Sixteen Candles, didn’t I?” he laughed. “I wanted no part of that but you dragged me to it anyway so why not?”
“Yeah, I did drag you to it and you hated every second of it,” Dani scoffed, folding her arms.
“Come on!” Eddie teased, tossing his arm in the air. “She’s going to be sixteen and she is so into this super popular, typical jock guy because of course she is. Every teen movie is the same. It’s some girl who whines about how life is so awful to her when, in reality, she wouldn't know real hardship if it hit her upside the head with a stick. And really, where is the movie where the girl is all crazy for the freak guy? No, it’s always the Jason Carvers and Steve Harringtons of the world.”
“Really?” Dani laughed. “You’re dragging Steve into this now?”
“Whatever,” Eddie shrugged. “Steve’s actually an okay guy, but you know what I mean. The guy with the nice car and the perfect hair and the money and the varsity jacket.”
“Steve doesn’t have a varsity jacket,” she defended.
“Oh, you got a thing for Harrington there, Miller?” Eddie joked, waggling his eyebrows in an obnoxious manner. He leaned forward, making kissy noises with his lips. “Is that really why you’re going to the movies?”
“Jesus Christ, grow up,” she groaned with a roll of her eyes. “No. I do not have a thing for Steve. I am sorry no one has written a great screenplay where the cheerleader pines for the freak.”
“I didn’t say she had to be a cheerleader,” Eddie muttered. “Anyway, I am coming. Seriously, the movie might be shit but I have nothing else to do. This trailer is fucking depressing all by myself.”
“But…” Dani began.
“But what?” Eddie looked at her, his eyebrows raising, eyes wide, giving her that look that said he knew something was up. Shit. Sometimes she really wished he didn’t know her so well. “Is there a reason you don’t want me to come?”
Dani laughed and she could hear how awkward it sounded, shaky and unnatural. Running her hands through her hair she blew out a long breath. She internally smacked herself. This was her best friend, the person she should be the most comfortable around. She had to get her shit under control because she couldn’t tell him the truth and she also couldn’t lose him. He was going to know something was up if she kept acting like a giant spaz.
“No, why wouldn’t I want you to come?” she asked, forcing levity she didn’t feel into her voice.
“I don’t know, you tell me,” he said, leaning back, one arm across the back of the sofa and the other held out in front of him, waiting for an explanation. “You’re the one who’s acting really weird about me coming to the movies with you. Am I cramping your girl's night or something? Because she seems to bring Steve to damn near everything. If she can bring her guy friend, why can’t you?”
“No, I mean, yeah, Robin and I had planned on going but she’s not going to care if you come,” Dani sighed. “Sorry, I don’t know why I acted weird. You’re probably right. She’s probably going to have Steve tag along anyway. So, yeah, obviously you can come.”
“Oh, well thanks so much for your permission, your highness,” he said with a dramatic bow forward, opening his arms to her. “I didn’t realize I needed a special invite to hang out with my best friend.”
“Shut up,” she huffed, lifting her backpack higher on her shoulder. “You are such an ass sometimes, you know that?”
“Yeah, but you love my ass,” he retorted with a wink. He jumped up and backed his ass into her, shaking it back and forth.
Dani reached out and smacked it instinctually, something she wouldn’t have thought twice about before but now she felt those unwelcome urges returning again. She pressed her thighs together, willing the sensations that were building between them to go away. Eddie laughed, picking her up and tossing her on the couch. She shrieked as he roared and jumped on top of her, tickling her sides until she couldn’t catch her breath. Eddie flopped down next to her as she sucked in great gulps of air.
“You’re so annoying,” she gasped.
Eddie laid his head on her shoulder with a grin, “And you have known that since day one and you still love me.”
Dani had met Eddie in the seventh grade. She was new to Hawkins Middle School, hadn’t been there very long, and there was a school talent show. Her mom thought it would be a great way to meet friends in their new town so she had pushed Dani to go try out. It was horrible. She loved to sing, but in the shower or in her hairbrush in the safety of her room, not in front of other people.
She had shown up to the talent show reluctantly, hoping she could go unnoticed and sneak out. She could always tell her mom she just didn’t make the cut. Just as she was edging to the back of the auditorium, ready to run, a boy with a buzz cut and an Iron Maiden tee stood in front of her.
“Who are you?” he asked, tilting his head, his eyes roaming over her as if they could see into the very depths of her soul. “I’ve never seen you before.”
“Dani…” she said softly, her hands pressed against the door, desperate to escape.
“Dani is usually a boy name,” he commented, his tongue coming between his lips, his eyebrows scrunched closely together. She held her breath, waiting for him to laugh at her or say something awful. “I like it.”
“Oh,” Dani said, stunned, “thanks.”
“I’m Eddie.” He smiled and she couldn’t help but smile back. He had the kindest eyes. He offered her his hand and she shook it. “So Dani, what are you doing in the talent show?”
“I sing.”
“Really? What do you sing?” he asked.
“I don’t know,” she shrugged. “I sing whatever I like. I was going to sing “The Winner Takes It All” by ABBA or Joan Jett’s “I Love Rock and Roll” for this.”
Eddie leaned against the wall next to her, crossing his arms. “You were? How come you’re not anymore?”
“I don’t like singing in front of other people,” she admitted, picking at her nails gently. She shuffled one foot over the other, looking up at him and then away. “I just moved here a couple weeks ago. My mom thought it would be a good way to make friends but I don’t really have friends anyway.”
“Oh, so you’re a freak,” he stated. Dani thought she should be offended but the way he said it, she wasn’t sure he meant it as an insult.
“I don’t think that’s very nice,” she responded.
Eddie shrugged. “Why not? I’m a freak too. So are my friends.” He grinned at her, pressing into the wood floor with the toe of his Reebok. “You can join our band of misfits. All freaks are welcome.”
“Oh,” Dani paused, unsure how to respond. She was intrigued and completely baffled by this boy who just unabashedly called himself a freak. He said it like it was something to be proud of. Dani had always longed to fit in, but he made being an outcast seem like something to be proud of.
“I think you should sing,” Eddie said, bumping her arm with his elbow. “I want to hear you sing Joan Jett. I bet you sound really badass.”
Dani felt heat rise along her neck, blazing across her cheeks but she couldn’t help the smile that lifted the sides of her mouth.
“I don’t know…” she said softly, attempting to hide behind her hair.
Eddie strode up to her and lifted her face so she was looking at him. He gently pushed her hair behind her ears and she felt a tingling sensation that was completely new. She had no idea where that had come from, but it wasn’t unpleasant. She wished he would touch her again and then he did, grasping her hand tightly in his.
“Come on freak,” he declared, pulling her behind him as he strode back toward the stage. “We’re getting you on that stage and you’re going to sing.”
Dani smiled at the memory of that confident boy who had just barreled into her life and changed it forever. From that moment on, they had been practically inseparable. She had taken his hand and followed him wherever he led her. Dani had proudly worn the title of freak, sitting with Eddie and his band of lost boys at lunch.
“God, you were such a pushy kid,” she muttered with a laugh, elbowing him gently.
“I was?” he snorted, elbowing her back. “I’m still pushy. I’m going to the movies now, aren’t I?”
“Yeah, you are,” Dani replied, his head on her shoulder, her cheek resting on his head. Now, she just needed to let Robin know that Eddie was crashing the movie she didn’t even know they were going to see and she should probably invite Steve along too.