Archive of Our Own

Asta doesn’t know what he’s doing. 

He doesn’t know why he’s outside Yuno’s door, seeking him out after weeks of trying his best to avoid him. It’s a terrible idea, bound to end in disaster no matter what, but he still knocks after making sure no one else is in the hallway.

There shouldn’t be any need to check. There shouldn’t be a need to sneak around. Everyone knows that Asta and Yuno are best friends, and they’d hardly even give it a second thought if they saw Asta standing outside his door in the middle of the night.

If only they knew.

Everything in him tells him to leave, to turn around and get as far away as possible. He doesn’t. He stays, and he waits, and a moment later the door opens. 

Yuno’s wearing that godforsaken Crimson Lions hoodie, an awful reminder that Yuno is his. 

Asta wants to rip it off. He wants to slide his hands beneath the fabric and touch him, to leave marks on his skin so Yuno will look in the mirror every day and remember. He wants to throw Yuno down and fuck him so good that the only name he knows is Asta, Asta, Asta.

And he hates himself for thinking that. He hates himself for what he’s doing to Leo, and for what he’s doing to Noelle. Their relationship is far from perfect, but that doesn’t make what he’s done any less awful.

Yuno blocks the doorway with his body. “You shouldn’t be here.”

Asta knows that. He knows he should be literally anywhere else right now. But he stays put.

“We need to talk,” Asta says. Yuno scoffs, rolling his eyes.

"That’s funny; you’ve had nothing to say to me for weeks." He moves to close the door and Asta shoves a hand out to stop it.

Yuno’s eyes narrow into slits, his gaze sharp enough to cut through steel. “What are you doing?”

“I already told you, we—”

“We don’t need to talk about anything.”

“You know that’s not true,” Asta says, pushing harder against the door when Yuno tries to shut it again. “Please let me in.”

“Why should I? You made it perfectly clear last time that you—” Yuno cuts himself off, glancing to the side to make sure the hallway is still vacant, and then continues in a lower voice. “You made your choice.”

And there’s not really much Asta can say to argue with him, so he doesn’t. Yuno has every right to be mad at him and to lock him out without another word. That Yuno hasn’t already slammed the door in his face is a miracle already.

He shrinks into himself, feeling more guilty than he already does.

“I’m sorry.”

“I don’t want an apology. I want to know why you’re really here.”

“I don’t know ,” Asta tells him. “I just needed to see you. To talk.”

Yuno stares for a moment longer, his icy exterior unwavering, but then he closes his eyes and steps aside. “Five minutes. That’s all you’re getting.”

It's not too late to turn around, Asta knows. It’s not too late to leave and forget all about this. But Asta enters the room, anyway. 

Yuno closes the door behind him. Their shoulders bump as he brushes past Asta with a huff, not even sparing him a glance as he takes a seat at his desk. A book lays open beside his laptop, meaning Yuno was probably studying before Asta interrupted him. 

He should apologize. He should leave. 

There's a lot he should be doing.

Asta leans against the door, shoving his hands in his pockets as if that’ll prevent him from reaching out and crossing that line again. The last time that happened, the night ended with Yuno pinned beneath him, his legs spread apart as Asta pulled all kinds of pretty sounds out of him and swallowed them down so no one else would get to hear them.

Just being in here again is probably asking for trouble, because he’s not sure he can trust himself around Yuno anymore. A single glance at the unmade bed is all it takes for Asta’s brain to be flooded with vivid memories. He remembers the taste of Yuno on his tongue and the way his back curved into a perfect arch as he—

“Are you just going to stand there, or are you going to say something?” Yuno’s blunt question cuts through the thought like a knife. He’s staring down at the page, tapping his pen against the desk impatiently.

Shit, this really is a terrible idea. Why did he ever think that coming here would be anything less?

“I don’t know what to say.”

“I thought you wanted to talk.”

“Didn’t really think I’d get this far,” Asta admits, looking down at his feet. He hears Yuno sigh and shift in his seat.

“Idiot.” Yeah.

“I really fucked up,” he says, looking over at Yuno again. Yuno’s still not looking at him. He hasn’t looked at him at all since he sat down. Asta wishes he would, even if only to glare at him again. But it’s been like this ever since that night.

That night…

Asta never planned for it to happen. He hadn’t even seen it coming, and even now he’s not sure who made the first move. One minute they were just talking, alcohol in their veins making them both a little touchier than usual, and the next, Yuno was being pulled into his lap and they were gasping between kisses.

Asta had never felt such raw desperation before, such a fervent need to touch and take and taste. And with Yuno so pliant on top of him, kissing him back with the same amount of ferocity, Asta was helpless to fight against those desires. Desires that he never even knew he was capable of having. 

For just one moment, Asta forgot about everything else. For just one moment, there was only him and Yuno.

But when it was over—when Yuno was panting beneath him, spent and flushed and looking more beautiful than ever—it all came back. 

Leo, who he knew had been pining for Yuno since the day they met. Noelle, a girl who deserved so much better than this. He’d hurt them both, and he hadn’t even stopped to think about that until it was too late.

‘This was a mistake,’ Asta had said in a single breath, scrambling off the bed to find his clothes. ‘I have to go.’

He’d gotten dressed in a hurry, cursing his lack of self-control and wondering how it had even gotten to this point. Yuno had tried to say something which Asta could barely process in his panicked state, and then he was leaving. Rushing out the door. Running away from what was possibly the worst mistake of his life.

A drunken mistake. 

Asta wanted to brush it off as that. He wanted to think of it as a poor decision brought on by nothing more than alcohol and proximity. But deep down, he knew it was so much more than that. At the first hesitant brush of Yuno’s lips against his when they were twelve and ‘practising’, Asta knew.

He didn’t want to acknowledge it then, and years later, it was much the same; he was still too much of a coward to face the truth. And when Yuno approached him after class the next day, he ran away again. The look of hurt that flashed across Yuno’s face is still fresh in his mind.

A few days after that, Leo and Yuno started dating. Asta’s stomach twisted when he saw them together, when they walked up to him after class with their hands linked. A real friend would have told Leo the truth.

No, a real friend would never have done what Asta did.

Asta gave them a pained smile, ignoring the way his heart ached when Leo leaned in to kiss Yuno’s cheek. He’d never thought of himself as the jealous type. Sure, he hadn’t enjoyed seeing Yuno with Langris when they dated back in high school, but Asta had chalked that up to him not liking Langris as a person.

But when Leo threw his arm around Yuno, pulling him closer, it was impossible to deny what he was feeling. Asta knew there was only one explanation for the way he clenched his jaw, biting his tongue against the urge to tell his friend to keep his hands to himself.

He was jealous. He didn’t want someone else dating Yuno.

The realization scared the hell out of him.

After that, he began avoiding Yuno like the plague. If nothing else, he could at least stay out of their way and they could both just forget what happened. There was no need to make more out of this situation and hurt people that didn’t deserve to be hurt.

It went on like that for a few weeks. Noelle could tell something was bothering him, but he couldn’t bear to tell her. How could he? 

He still doesn’t know the right words, and it’s tearing him apart. She trusts him wholeheartedly, but he’s gone and betrayed her in one of the worst ways imaginable.

And he should be with her right now. He should get on his hands and knees in front of her and beg for forgiveness that he definitely doesn’t deserve. Instead, he’s here with Yuno.

It’s telling. 

It’s terrible.

“I never meant for any of this to happen.”

“I know.”

“I only avoided you because I didn’t know what else to do. It’s not like I didn’t want to talk to you. I just—”

“I know,” Yuno repeats, raising a hand to interrupt him. “You don’t have to explain yourself to me.”

“But I do. We have to talk about this.”

Yuno’s writing pauses, his pen hovering inches above the page, but he doesn’t lift his head. “Why? There’s no point.”

“How can you say that?”

“Because it was a mistake. A stupid, meaningless mistake. So let’s just forget that it ever happened. It’s better for everyone that way.”

“I can’t just pretend nothing happened. I want to fix things.”

“Then leave,” Yuno says. “If you really want to fix things, leave.”

“But what about us?” 

A pause, and then Yuno sighs. 

“There is no us. There never was.” Asta’s heart drops into his stomach, his chest and throat so tight he can barely breathe.

“T-That’s not… We’re—”

“We’re friends who got a little too drunk and did something stupid. That’s all there is.”

“But—”

The pen clatters on the desk and rolls off the edge, falling to the ground, but Yuno pays it no mind. All he does is lean forward on his elbows, bowing his head in defeat. “What do you want from me, Asta?”

Asta wants a lot of things. He wants things he shouldn’t. That’s the problem. 

The guilt has been weighing him down for weeks, leaving him sick to his stomach whenever he looks at Noelle. He’s disgusted with himself. He’s hurt the people closest to him, gone behind their backs when they’ve been nothing but good to him.

And the worst part is that he knows this, but he can’t look back on that night with anything other than a feeling of longing. Wanting.

He wants, and that’s why he can’t just forget.

But he can’t want this. He shouldn’t want this. The right thing to do is to stay away from Yuno. And yet…

“I want you to look at me,” he says, keeping his voice quiet. Pushing himself off the door, Asta crosses the room with a level of caution one would exercise when approaching a wounded beast.

Slowly, carefully, he kneels at Yuno’s side, raising a hand to tuck some wild strands of hair behind his ear.

“Please look at me.”

And finally, Yuno does. He turns his head just enough for Asta to see his face, and oh, what a devastating sight it is. 

He’s not crying, but he’s as close to it as Asta thinks he could be; with wet eyes tinged red at the corners and dark circles under his eyes that Asta didn’t notice before, he makes quite the heartbreaking picture.

Asta feels another stab of guilt, knowing he’s the one who hurt Yuno like this. He never wanted to… Never meant to…

“Yuno, I’m—” 

Yuno squeezes his eyes shut and breathes in deeply, shaking his head. “It’s fine. I’m fine.” Then he closes the book, standing abruptly. “Your five minutes are up.”

“To hell with the five minutes!” Asta protests, jumping to his feet while Yuno moves his laptop from the desk to his bed. “I can’t just leave you like this!”

“Stop yelling,” Yuno says, sounding almost bored. He’s back to not looking at Asta, organizing his stationery like that’s the most important thing right now. “You’re going to wake the whole floor up.”

“Sorry, but I really don’t care about that right now. You’re hurting—I hurt you.”

Yuno’s breath is a shudder, a broken little sound that makes Asta wince. He leans on the desk with both hands, hanging his head again. “Don’t make this harder than it already is, Asta. Just go.”

But Asta can’t. He can’t go. He can’t leave things as they are. Not when it’s Yuno. 

Not when Yuno’s hurting because of him.

He throws his arms around him, hugging him from behind and holding on even when Yuno stiffens in his hold.

“What are you doing?” he asks. Asta hugs him tighter, pressing his forehead into Yuno’s back. 

“Tell me how to fix this.”

“I already told you—”

Asta shakes his head. “There has to be something else. Don’t just push me away.”

Silence falls over them, and for a second, Asta thinks he might have made some progress. But when Yuno speaks, he sounds cold. 

“I never pushed you,” he says. His hand lands on Asta’s, pulling until his grip loosens enough for him to break free. When he does, he spins around to look at Asta, glaring down at him. “You ran away. Twice. You’ve ignored me for weeks, but I’m the one pushing you away?”

“I was trying to forget. I was trying to move on.”

“Yeah, and so was I. I tried to do that because it seemed like you wanted me to.”

And here’s the thing: Asta knows better than to blurt out the question that immediately pops into his head. He knows better, and it doesn’t stop him.

“Is that why you’re dating Leo?”

“What?”

Back off, a voice in the back of Asta’s head says. Warning bells signal for him to stop before he says something stupid, something he might end up regretting. He doesn’t listen. “Are you just dating him because you’re trying to move on? Because you think that’s what I want?”

“That’s none of your business.”

“I know.”

“Then why bother asking? Why do you care? Why does it matter who I date and why—”

“Because I don’t like it.”

Yuno’s eyes widen, Asta’s words wiping the glare right off his face. It leaves his expression unguarded, almost like he’s not sure what the right reaction is.

“You have a girlfriend,” he says, but it doesn’t sound like an accusation. It sounds like a question.

“I know, and I hate myself for what I did to her,” Asta answers. And then he takes a step forward, testing the waters. “But you wanna know what I hate more?”

Yuno nods, holding his gaze for the first time all night.

They’re standing at the edge of something, and Yuno’s asking him to jump. Yuno’s telling him to take the leap. 

Asta takes another step closer, and another, moving toward Yuno until he has him pinned against the desk. Yuno puts his hands up against his stomach but doesn’t push him away. He just rests them there, waiting.

The world is so quiet around them. It almost feels like everything’s come to a standstill, time stopping for everyone but the two of them. 

Asta’s hands come up to grab onto the hoodie Yuno’s wearing, gripping it tight. 

“I hate seeing you wearing his clothes.” 

Yuno’s mouth hangs open like he wants to say something, but no words come out. His hands haven’t moved, but Asta feels them dig into his stomach slightly. His own knuckles bleed white from the force of his grip, but he doesn’t let go.

He doesn’t think he can anymore, not unless Yuno tells him to. 

“I hate that he gets to hold your hand,” Asta says, pulling him closer. “I hate when he puts his arm around you, and I hate thinking about the two of you going on dates.”

“Asta—”

“And seeing him kiss you? I can’t stand it.”

Yuno swallows audibly, his fingers curling gently into Asta’s shirt. The way he looks at him, his eyes soft with an unfamiliar gleam of yearning, has every shred of doubt fleeing from his mind, along with his sense of logic and loyalty.

“Wanna know something else?” Asta asks, and he gets another nod as an answer.

His heart beats louder than thunder, kicking up a storm in his chest.

It’s still not too late to turn back. It’s not too late to steer himself back to the shore.

But Asta’s already thrown the anchor down, and he’s not strong enough to pull it back up. 

“I haven’t been able to stop thinking about you.” The words leave his lips so easily. Like they’re simple. Like they don’t have the potential to wreck everything he’s been so determined to build. Yuno sucks in a breath, but doesn’t say a thing. He just listens, and Asta just keeps talking.

“Ever since that night, I’ve been feeling like I’m losing my mind. I thought it would be easier to pretend it never happened, but it isn’t. It’s impossible. Whenever I look at you, I…”

Asta’s gaze drops to Yuno’s lips. He can hear parts of himself screaming for him to stop, but they’re not loud enough to drown out the voice in his heart that says to keep going. Especially not when the tip of Yuno’s tongue peeks out to wet his lips.

Asta wants to feel how soft they are again. He wants to know how Yuno tastes without alcohol on their tongues.

“If you don’t tell me to stop right now, I’m going to kiss you.”

Yuno doesn’t say a word. Asta feels himself lean in. 

“Tell me to stop,” he pleads, hoping that Yuno will listen and push him away. He shouldn’t be this close in the first place, but Yuno’s always been the level-headed one. Where Asta is reckless and impulsive, Yuno’s calm and collected. He’s always been there to bring Asta back down to Earth, reminding him to think.

And Asta needs that now more than ever.

“Please, Yuno, tell me to—”

Yuno closes the gap for him, pressing their lips together with a quiet, needy sound, and Asta is ready for it. They crash into each other, throwing caution to the wind and giving in to those desires once more.

Everything finally feels right when Asta has Yuno in his arms again. His hands find themselves on Yuno’s ass, kneading the flesh and pulling him closer. How did he ever survive without this? How did he stay away for so long?

“She’ll hate you,” Yuno gasps out, trying to muster up some restraint even as he continues to kiss Asta like he’ll die without it.

“I know.”

“Then why—”

Asta pulls back to give him a meaningful look. “Because I want you,” he says, digging his fingers into Yuno’s hips. “And I hate the thought of someone else having you.”

Yuno’s eyes darken, his gaze burning. His hands weave themselves into Asta’s hair and he leans in close enough to brush their lips together again.

“Then take me. Make me yours.”

Whether it’s a challenge or a demand, Asta can’t tell, but it’s all he needs to hear.

The hoodie is the first to go, tugged over Yuno’s head and tossed to the ground. He’ll hate himself for that later. Yuno makes quick work of Asta’s t-shirt, not even shy in the way he ogles his muscles before dragging him in for another kiss.

Asta curses under his breath, pressing Yuno back against the desk before ducking his head to nip at his throat. He breathes in the scent of him with every inhale, soothing and familiar, mouth latching onto his thundering pulse.

The way Asta ruts into him is instinctual, marking up Yuno’s perfect skin without shame. Yuno lets out a strangled whine, lifting a leg to hook around Asta’s hip as he meets every thrust with equal enthusiasm.

One hand goes to Asta’s hair, the other dropping to palm him through his jeans. Asta lets out an embarrassingly loud moan at that, heat roaring through him. Yuno’s touch destroys any hope Asta had in restraining himself.

He grabs Yuno by the waist and spins him around to face the desk. With a hand on his back, he pushes Yuno down gently, marvelling at how easily he lets himself be moved. He bends at the waist without complaint, leaning over the desk, and shivers slightly when Asta’s fingers trail down his spine.

Asta hums to himself, hooking his fingers into the waistband of Yuno’s sweatpants. “Think you can stay quiet for me?” he asks, and Yuno nods, already flushed and breathless. Asta wastes no more time in pulling his pants and boxers down to his ankles. 

He sits back on his haunches, gritting his teeth against a groan when he sees how wet Yuno is already. He wants to be inside again, to feel Yuno’s heat around him, tight and welcoming. But before that, he wants to make Yuno come. There’s an overwhelming desire to please, to have Yuno become a writhing mess on his tongue and fingers. 

And Asta is a slave to those desires.

He leans in and drags his tongue over Yuno's folds, heat roaring through him at the first taste of his juices. Sweet and intoxicating, utterly addictive. Asta can’t resist him. He loses himself in the wet heat, growing dizzier with every sound that spills from Yuno’s lips.

“Asta, please.” Asta leans back to find his face buried in his arms, the tips of his ears and the back of his neck a delicious shade of red.

He smiles before diving back in, lapping at his entrance. Asta kisses and nuzzles Yuno’s pretty little pussy, unable to hold back his own gasps and groans. Yuno’s legs shake, his body twitching as he comes closer and closer to the edge of bliss. Tightening his grip on his ass, Asta laps at Yuno’s entrance. 

Then he presses, letting his tongue slip inside, and Yuno keens, hips bucking into his mouth. 

Asta keeps going, suckling at his clit and sinking two fingers inside. A hand lands in Asta’s hair, fingers digging into his scalp as Yuno pushes him in harder, rocking himself back onto Asta’s tongue. Yuno’s hole flutters around his fingers and all Asta can do is groan and redouble his efforts.

Yuno comes with a gasp, holding Asta’s face flush against him while his body jerks wildly. Asta helps him through it, tongue dragging soothingly over his pussy until he’s whimpering and pushing weakly at his head.

The noise his fingers make when they slide out is obscene. Asta’s head spins as he pulls himself to his feet again, just barely stopping himself from collapsing against Yuno, who’s sprawled out on the desk. He drags his lips up Yuno’s back until he finds his ear. "You okay?"

Yuno gives a weak nod, cheek flush against the desk. Asta runs the backs of his fingers over his face adoringly with a smile.

His chin is wet with Yuno’s slick, and his lips are likely swollen, too. He must look like a mess, but Yuno’s eyes sparkle when they meet his, and he doesn’t waste another second before pulling Asta down into a kiss. 

And when he moans into his mouth, tasting himself on Asta’s tongue, he’s bringing the hammer down on the final nail in the coffin. 

With shaking hands, Asta unbuckles his pants, shoving them down to his thighs and groaning in relief when his cock springs free. He doesn’t even bother taking them off properly, almost too unravelled to think, hurriedly grabbing a condom from the drawer.

His fingers are slippery and clumsy and he struggles with it for a second that feels way too long. When he finally gets a hand on himself, rolling the rubber down his length, he could almost cry from relief. He uses his still slick fingers to stroke his cock a bit more while he positions himself behind Yuno again.

Reaching back with his fingers, Yuno spreads himself open, his folds glistening with slick. Asta bites his lip at the sinful picture he makes, gripping himself at the base before guiding himself toward Yuno's entrance. 

He grinds against him clumsily at first, unable to help himself, and then squeezes Yuno’s hip with his free hand when the head catches and slips in. Yuno’s velvety walls are hugging him so tight, already trying to suck him in deeper.

“Hurry,” he says, and Asta can’t help but chuckle at his impatience.

“I just made you come, didn’t I?”

“Wasn’t enough,” Yuno tells him, wriggling his hips a little. “Need you inside. Now .”

“But what if I wanna take my time with you?” Asta teases, as if he’s not feeling equally desperate. 

Yuno glances back over his shoulder with a slight frown, and then his eyes twinkle. The corner of his lip tilts upward as he taps his chin thoughtfully.

“If you won’t fuck me, then I guess I can call Leo and—”

Asta slams all the way in so suddenly and with so much force that Yuno has to throw his hands out to catch himself on the edge of the desk. He throws his head back with a startled cry that’s definitely too loud, but he shows no sign of pain. His expression is one of utter bliss, like he’s been waiting for this.

And if he’s been waiting, if he wants this so badly, then who is Asta to deny him?

He starts pounding him into the desk, not even giving him time to adjust. And Yuno… God, Yuno just takes it. He takes it so well.

His back arches, hands slipping down the wall as he tries to hold himself up, but a particularly harsh thrust has him losing his grip. His hands scramble for purchase on the desk and Asta grabs them both, forcing them behind his back to pin him in place. 

“Don’t say his name,” he growls, squeezing his wrists together with one hand. “Don’t even think about him.”

Yuno chuckles breathlessly between the needy moans that slip past his lips. “Didn’t think you, ah, were the possessive type.”

“I’m not,” Asta pants. “Not usually.” Only when it’s you, he thinks, and Yuno grins like he knows. Like he’s all too aware of the power he holds.

Asta snaps his hips against Yuno’s ass, fucking him harder still. He focuses on the feel of Yuno around him, underneath him, trying to remember all the things that took him apart so wonderfully the last time. Tongue dipping out from the corner of his mouth, Asta tries to find that spot again.

And when he finds it, he knows, because it tears a moan so broken and gorgeous from Yuno’s mouth that he almost wants to let it carry over into the next room. He almost wants everyone to hear so they’ll know that Yuno’s his, but he knows better than to entertain that fantasy right now. 

“Quiet, Yuno.”

“I can’t help it when you—oh fuck—” Yuno cries out at another perfectly aimed thrust and Asta’s quick to clamp a hand over his mouth, leaning into him to mouth at his jaw. 

Yuno moans into his hand in response, not even struggling against Asta’s hold. He gives himself up so easily, so willingly, and Asta feels a surge of pride in knowing that Yuno trusts him this much. But behind that, there’s that selfish need—that horrible, possessive voice.

Be greedy, it says. Yuno’s words rattle around inside his head along with it. Take me.

Make me yours.

“No one else can touch you like this. You hear me?” he asks, smirking when Yuno nods frantically, murmuring some kind of agreement. Asta tightens his grip on Yuno’s wrists and presses him down harder into the desk. “You’re mine .”

And that’s all it takes to push Yuno off the edge again.

With a yell muffled by Asta's hand, Yuno clenches impossibly tight around Asta’s throbbing length, his legs shaking and buckling. He comes apart beneath Asta again, eyes rolling back in his head. Asta fucks him through it, feeling weak in the knees himself when Yuno all but collapses onto the desk. 

But even with tears pricking at the corners of his eyes, even with no strength left to stand on his own, he still tries to roll his hips into every thrust. It’s like he can’t get enough, and that thought alone has Asta’s hips stuttering.

“Shit, Yuno.” Asta’s thrusts rock Yuno’s body. The filthy, slick sound of Asta’s hips slapping against his ass echo off the walls, the room smelling like sex and Yuno, and Asta drowns in all of it. He hangs his head, feeling close already, but he doesn’t want to come yet. 

Not like this.

Yuno mewls softly when Asta suddenly pulls out, but then Asta’s grabbing him by the waist and twisting him around, flipping him onto his back. He yanks Yuno’s sweatpants off completely, throwing them somewhere behind him.

“I’m not done with you yet,” is all he says before slamming back inside. Yuno’s body jolts, a sharp cry tearing free from his throat. Asta leans over his trembling body, gripping the desk on either side of his head for leverage as he continues driving his cock in and out of Yuno’s pussy.

It doesn’t take long to work back up to his previous pace, and before long Yuno’s clawing at his back, whimpering into Asta’s shoulder at every pump of his cock. 

“O-Oh my God, keep—there, Asta, right there—”

Asta’s breathless, panting as he slams into Yuno with quick, shallow thrusts that shake the desk. Yuno’s whimpers become choked cries, surely loud enough for the people on either side of the room to hear, but Asta himself is too far gone to remember to care. Yuno doesn’t seem to either, not while he’s getting so thoroughly fucked into the desk.

The pleasure mounts again, the rhythm of Asta’s hips becoming erratic, but he’s determined to wring another orgasm out of Yuno first. He keeps going, holding on for dear life until he finally feels Yuno’s muscles ripple around him again, his face contorting and his body tightening up.

“Gonna come for me again?” 

Yuno shakes his head, letting out a pitiful noise that has the bubble in Asta’s gut threatening to burst. “I don’t know if I—”

“You can do it,” Asta whispers into his ear, hand dropping between them to find Yuno’s clit. He rubs frantic circles on the swollen bud, feeling himself teetering on the edge. “I wanna feel you come again. You can give me one more, can’t you?”

Yuno nods furiously against his neck, clutching him tightly as his thighs clamp down around Asta’s waist. The telltale squeezing of his pussy tells him Yuno’s close, but he feels even closer. He doubts he’ll even last through another minute of this.

He hisses at the sparks of pleasure shooting up his spine before lifting his head to meet Yuno’s eyes. He’s so beautiful, so flawless it hurts. The world around them narrows to this, to them, and how they fit together so perfectly. 

That’s all there is. That’s all that matters.

“Y-Yuno,” he chokes out, almost a sob, feeling like he’ll fall apart any second now. “Yuno, please, I need—”

Something shifts. Snaps.

Yuno’s face crumples at the sound of his voice, and then he’s hugging Asta close again, his breaths choppy and strained in his ear. 

“I love you,” he says. “Asta, I love you.”

This is wrong, so wrong, but—

"I love you, I love you, I love you, I—"

Yuno cuts off into a whine, and when he finally comes again, his walls grip Asta so tightly that he’s helpless to do anything but follow him over the edge.

A searing heat envelops his entire being as he comes harder than he ever has. He feels a stinging pain in his shoulder, Yuno biting down to keep himself quiet, and he buries his face in Yuno’s neck to muffle his own strangled cry.

It feels so good, so right, so perfect.

But it’s not. 

Asta’s barely over the high when he comes crashing back down again. 

Just like last time, reality’s catching up to him again. And this time it’s different. This time he has no pathetic excuses to hide behind, no alcohol in his system to blame this on. He did this knowing what it meant and what it would do to people that he cares about. It was so easy for him to just forget about everything else, to forget every reason he shouldn’t, and now—

A gentle touch at the nape of his neck brings his thoughts to a halt. Someone says his name, an angelic voice that pulls him from the darkness, and when he lifts his head, Yuno’s staring at him, pink lips parted.

Asta still wants to kiss him again.

Fuck.

“Are you okay?” Yuno asks, the hand not curled around Asta’s neck coming up to hold his face. Asta’s not sure how to answer that, torn between bliss and a sense of overwhelming guilt. He can see traces of that same guilt in Yuno’s eyes, but all his face shows is concern for Asta.

They just did something terrible, but Yuno's worried about him.

Yuno loves him.

Fuck, this is so messed up. 

Asta nods stiffly, averting his gaze as he pulls out slowly. He hears Yuno hiss, dropping his legs from around Asta’s waist, but he can’t look at him. He just can’t. If he looks at Yuno now, he’s only going to want to kiss him again.

Swallowing past the lump in his throat, Asta disposes of the condom and pulls his pants back up. Yuno stays quiet. 

Still avoiding his eyes, Asta helps him stand, something strange twisting in his chest when he sees Yuno’s legs wobble. 

Purple marks stand out against the pale skin of his wrists, bruises left by Asta’s fingers. His eyes drift to Yuno’s neck and shoulder, unsurprised to find that the skin there is littered with bruises too. Marks that Asta left, swept up in the moment, fuelled by his possessive need to claim someone that was never his.

The guilt he’s already feeling only intensifies when Yuno’s hands land on his shoulders, holding onto him for support. 

“Was I too rough?” he asks hoarsely. In the corner of his eye, Yuno shakes his head.

“I’m okay.”

But the relief Asta feels at those words does little to dispel the tension seeping into the room. It’s so thick and suffocating that not even a knife could cut it.

Shame sinks deep into his bones, but Asta forces himself to push past it again. He can hate himself later, after he’s taken care of Yuno. It’s the least he can do after the mess he’s made of everything.

He cleans Yuno up, helping him into his pants even when Yuno tells him to stop fussing and insists he can do it himself. He pretends not to notice the way Yuno shivers every time Asta’s fingers brush against his skin, but he cannot hide the way his stomach lurches when he remembers the discarded hoodie.

Leo’s hoodie.

The hoodie that Asta tossed to the side so carelessly when he—

“Stop that,” Yuno says suddenly, crouching to pick it up and hang it over the back of his chair. He doesn’t put it back on. Asta feels sick.

“Stop what?”

“Stop blaming it all on yourself. We did this. It’s our fault.”

“But I’m the one that came here. I knew it was a bad idea. I knew I couldn’t trust myself around you, and I still...” Asta sits at the edge of the bed, burying his head in his hands. The bed dips as Yuno takes a seat next to him, too close, too warm, too easy to lean into. 

“Do you regret it?” Yuno asks, his voice level, void of any emotion. Asta doesn’t know what to say.

No, that’s not right. He knows what he wants to say, but he doesn’t know how to say it. There’s no easy way to say it without it sounding as terrible as it is.

“I’m sorry.”

“Why are you apologizing?”

“Because I’m screwing everything up again. When you asked me to leave, I didn't listen, but I should have. I should have left.”

It shouldn’t have happened like this, he wants to say. 

He wants to say that Yuno deserves better than this, that Leo and Noelle deserve better than this, and that he went about it all wrong. He wants to kiss Yuno without guilt or shame holding him back, to say I love you without it being a betrayal.

He wants all of Yuno, and he wants to give Yuno all of himself.

But the words get caught in his chest, stuck and unable to escape, and he ends up just sitting there, saying nothing at all. There’s so much to say, so much to talk about, so much to figure out, but Asta can’t even figure out where to start.

And then Yuno shifts, moving away from him. 

“This was a mistake,” he says, and Asta’s neck nearly cracks with how quickly he whips his head up to look at him. Yuno’s staring out at the wall in front of him with a blank look on his face and shit.

How did things end up like this?

How did they end up at square one again?

“W-What?”

“That’s what you wanted to say, right?”

“Wait, no, that’s not—”

“It’s fine. I get it,” Yuno says, sounding as calm as ever, but his eyes betray him. Asta sees the glimmer of insecurity, that same flash of hurt he’d seen when he first ran away from him.

“No, Yuno, I swear I wasn’t—”

“Really, it’s fine. I’m not mad.” He lays back on the bed and rolls onto his side, facing away from Asta. “We got caught up in the moment again. That’s all.”

But that’s not all.

This is so much more than that. It means more to Asta, and he knows it means more to Yuno too. He knows because Yuno told him. Yuno said he loves him.

And now Yuno thinks that Asta regrets all of it.

It was a mistake to come here, and to do what he did, but Asta can’t undo the damage already done. And he’s sure he’ll never forgive himself completely for this, but he’d never forgive himself if he just let things end like this, either.

As much as he regrets the way things happened, there’s one thing he doesn’t regret. One thing he can’t regret, no matter how much he knows he should.

And no matter how guilty he feels, and how wrong it is, Asta can't let Yuno think he doesn't want this, even for a second.

“I don’t regret kissing you.”

Yuno tenses beside him. “You don’t know what you’re saying.”

“I do,” Asta tells him, reaching out to twist him onto his back and straddling his waist. Before Yuno can even open his mouth to argue, grabs his face and presses their lips together. 

For a heartbeat, then two, then three, nothing happens. Yuno seems frozen.

But then, just like before, he melts into it, moving his lips against Asta’s like it’s all he needs.

Asta feels the same. Despite how terrible he feels about everything else, this has him smiling into the kiss, letting him forget his troubles for just a little while longer. He’d be with Yuno like this forever, if he could.

“I’m sorry for running away before,” Asta says when they pull apart for air. “I won’t run this time.”

Yuno’s hands settle on his hips and he tugs his bottom lip between his teeth, still looking so uncertain. It’s not like Asta can blame him; he’s the one who made Yuno feel insecure.

“Are you sure?” he asks, and Asta doesn’t hesitate to nod.

“I’m sure.”

Yuno blinks up at him, his eyes softening despite the way his brows are pinched together. He lifts a hand to Asta's face.

“You know there’s no going back after this, right?”

Of course Asta knows that, but the thing is: “I don’t think there was ever any going back for me. Not really.”

His mind is made up—has been for a while, he thinks. He knows what he wants, and he knows what he has to do.

He’ll talk to Noelle tomorrow. 

She deserves to know the truth. Asta can’t keep lying to her, pretending to love her when he knows he doesn’t. 

He’s known that from the start, ever since her confession a few months ago, but he wanted to give it a chance. He wanted to try because he thought that if he could fall in love with someone else, those feelings for Yuno that he’d buried all those years ago would simply fade away.

How stupid of him to think that would ever happen.

“I want you,” Asta says, breaking the silence. “It’s taken me way too long to accept that, and I’ve hurt so many people because of that, but I want to be with you. I—”

Yuno cuts him off with a kiss, lips curling into a smile, and Asta feels his heart stutter in his chest. He lets his eyes flutter shut once more.

I love you too, Asta thinks. I love you so much, he’s afraid to say. It’s too soon. There’s still so much to figure out—so much to fix.

So he'll wait.

He’s made so many mistakes. He's done everything else wrong so far.

At the very least, Asta wants to do this right.