Archive of Our Own

Erik can breathe now. Standing in JFK watching the conveyor belt spit out luggage piece after piece that isn’t his, a feeling akin to freedom is gaining momentum in his chest, waiting to be let out in a shout, or a laugh. Erik hasn’t laughed in such a long time, but he’s in America now, he’s in New York and he can do whatever he wants. He can be whomever he chooses, but for now, being Erik, free and unfettered, is more than good enough for him. No longer just his mother’s son, here, in New York, he is simply Erik Lehnsherr.

Erik has been in New York for three days. He’s been to his apartment (no bigger than his childhood bedroom but it’s his, he’s been to campus to meet the Professor he will be assisting this year (she’s brilliant, she’s Scottish and she’s lovely, Erik has to be careful not to develop a crush) and he’s been to the Indian restaurant that’s below his apartment. He’s also been to the Jewish deli two blocks over and the food’s good, but not as good as his mater’s was. He’s avoiding all of the touristy spots, so she hasn’t been to Central Park or to the Met or the MoMa, he wants to wait until he feels like a real New Yorker before he goes there so he won’t have that dazed ‘I can’t believe all there is to see here’ look about him.

He’s at a diner close to home acquainting himself with all the different syllabi for classes he’ll either be assisting with and the ones he’ll be taking when he spots them. He doesn’t know how long they’ve been cooped up in the corner, but once he’s spotted them, he can’t stop looking. They are…enchanting. One blonde, one brunet, wrapped up in one another so tightly it’s as if the rest of the world is an illusion and the only thing real is the attention they are paying each other. The ache Erik’s been suppressing since getting on the airplane and leaving all that he was behind in a country that no longer had any use for him blooms wildly in his chest. Seeing these two, one blonde, one brunet, brings into stark relief how alone Erik is now.
Before he can look away the blonde catches him out. She turns quickly to the brunet whispering in his ear, and he turns, catching Erik in his cornflower gaze. He’s sure his face is burning but he can’t look away; too aware of their expansive presence to focus on anything or anyone else. They rise in concert and it’s obvious that he is their destination; dread explodes in his chest, ready to fly out his mouth but by the time his mouth is open and ready to stutter out anything to divert them, they’ve already reached his table.

‘What’s a handsome guy like you doing sitting here alone, staring at me and my brother like we’re on the menu?’ The girl asks, smile wide and unabashed on her beautiful moon shaped face as she sits down across from him, blue eyes steady and filled with something approaching accusation.

‘Raven!’ the boy sputtered, cheeks red with his embarrassment. He looked at Erik, his cornflower eyes filled with apology and barely suppressed amusement. Erik instantly knew it was an act, the girl bold and daring, getting away with it because her thighs were creamy and supple and the boy sputtering out apologies and recriminations for his sister while the patsy smiled and insisted everything was okay. Erik wasn’t immune to their charms but he only played games when he knew the rules.

‘If you don’t want to be stared at, don’t put yourself on display,’ Erik answered, eyes dipping to the point where the girl’s skirt stopped and her thick (in the best way) thighs began, then flickered to the boy, who was looking at his sister with a what now expression.
The girl smirked at him, knowing they were caught, but uncaring. She was a shrewd one and Erik liked it. He liked women who were smarter than him; he learned to after always being two steps behind his brilliant mater his whole life.

‘You’re going to be fun, aren’t you?’ She asked the question as if she already knew the answer.

He follows after the Xavier siblings like a baby duck imprinted on his mama; their attention bringing him to life like Frankenstein’s monster, ‘Erik’s alive!’ pounding in his blood, and he is. Their easy affection has saved him from drowning in his loneliness, his resentment, his fear. While he’s not built to smile or to offer physical reassurance as easily as Raven and Charles, he hoards every touch, every wink, and every smile thrown his way. He can’t believe how easily Raven and Charles, so obviously entwined in one another, have made room for him.

‘Are you coming down to breakfast? Charles is attempting to make French Toast,’ Raven asks, coming into the room designated as his when the siblings insisted that he stay with them for the rest of the summer (‘Come on, stay with us for the rest of the summer, it’ll be fun. We have plenty of room!’) with no warning and after three days of living in their house, no, mansion, he has trained himself to stop jumping. He’s getting used to the Xavier’s lack of privacy; they don’t allow any space between them and Erik feels a bone deep acceptance with every unannounced intrusion, every time one of them sits so closely he can feel their unobtrusively expensive cologne or perfume transferring from their skin to his.

‘Sure. I didn’t know Charles could cook. I’d just assumed-‘ here Erik falters, not wanting to offend, but he can’t help but have made certain assumptions about Raven and Charles’s upbringing.

‘We had people to do that sort of thing? We did growing up but Charles has always been such a curious boy and his cooking is halfway decent most times. Come,’ she walks out of his room as quietly as she came in, clearly expecting to be followed and it hits Erik all over again how different their lives have been. Erik would never have that palpable sense of invincibility that Raven and Charles exuded; all of their Great Expectations would come to pass simply because they could not fathom any other outcome. As for Erik, well, he’d learned it was best to keep his head down and keep all of the wants he couldn’t silence underneath his pant leg, strapped to his boot.

‘Yum, Charles, that was mediocrity at its tastiest,’ Raven exclaimed as she finished her burnt around the edges French Toast and her slightly too crisp bacon.

‘Charles, it was fine. It was, well, I can’t say delicious, but…’ Erik flounders, not wanting to lie but wanting to soften the edges of Raven’s sarcasm which scraped against Charles’s beautifully pale skin leaving scratches unseen but keenly felt.

‘It’s all right, Erik. I know I’m not a master chef but it’s good enough to feed us, yes?’ He turns to Raven, always to her, looking for affirmation, as if nothing is real until his younger sister wills it be.

‘Of course, Charles, you’re a success at everything you do,’ it’s faint, but Erik can hear the bitterness underneath the saccharine tones of Raven’s voice and judging by the hurt look on Charles’s face, he did too. He has only been entangled with them for less than a week, but Erik has seen Charles cut by the bitter edges of Raven’s sharp tongue and Raven deflated by Charles’s easy dismissal of her. Erik wonders if this is peculiar to the Xavier’s or if this is a dance known to all siblings.

‘What shall we do today?’ Erik asks, eager to dispel any of the tension that so easily builds between the two Xavier siblings.

‘Yes, we must get out of this house and explore the city! Charles we must show Erik why New York is the capital of the world!’ Erik is happy to see Raven’s face lit up again, her smile endless and contagious.

‘And where would Erik like to go?’ Charles’s smile isn’t as expansive as Raven’s but it’s just as infused with light and Erik feels something burst in his chest.

‘Wherever the Xavier’s want to take me,’ Erik hopes they don’t hear the truth in his words.

The Xavier’s spent the day dragging Erik to a number of their favorite spots in the city; Erik collapsed on his bed, fully clothed, exhausted and exhilarated. After taking care of mater, Erik had been depleted, running to New York for something he’d been missing for so long (his whole life) and the Xavier’s have awakened a hunger within him and now he wants to devour the world.

‘Hey,’ Charles’s voice floats to him from the open door way (that had been closed, Erik’s sure of it), his pretty face the picture of innocence but after only a week and a day, Erik knows better.

‘Hey,’ Erik sits up, his full attention on Charles because Charles fills any room he’s in.

‘Did you have a good time today, Erik?’ Charles comes in, his disregard of Erik’s privacy and space just as pervasive as Raven’s but he can’t seem to bring himself to care when it comes to these two, as if they have enchanted him.

‘I did, thanks. I’m glad I found you two,’ Charles sits on his bed close to him, eyes intense on Erik, as if looking for something specific. Erik doesn’t know what Charles could be looking for, but he likes those eyes seeing only him.

‘I just want to thank you for spending this time with me and Raven. We aren’t so good at letting others in and it can get lonely sometimes,’ Erik feels as if he’s looking at Charles with his eyes wide shut, because this confession feels rehearsed, as if Charles and Raven came up with just the right thing to say to put Erik at ease, but he doesn’t care. He feels a whisper of caution floating through his brain but it’s almost drowned out by the sound of his beating heart.
Charles lays his hand on Erik’s thigh and Erik’s breathe catches. He’s tried so hard not to want; tried so hard not to let that part of himself out. ‘I haven’t read the situation wrong, have I?’ Charles asks, but Erik knows Charles already knows the answer to that question.

‘No,’ he whispers and Charles’s resultant smile is full of triumph and it gives Erik pause, but before he can recoil, Charles’s pretty lips are on his. Erik opens his mouth to exhale, almost dizzy with Charles’s heady scent and Charles’s sly tongue pushes at Erik’s tongue, prodding it to excitement, to action, as Charles has done to Erik.
Erik pulls back, overcome with the desire to do everything, to touch Charles everywhere. ‘Charles, I want to-‘

‘Yes, whatever you want, Erik, yes,’ Charles smiles at him, wide and open and so beautiful that something akin to love bursts in his chest.
Erik has done this before, with men, but it was always clandestine and rushed, shrouded in darkness and shame. But here with Charles, who burns so brightly Erik develops sunspots when he looks at him. Erik wants to take his time; he wants to feel Charles’s heartbeat against his fingertips, thump, thump, thump. ‘I want everything,’ Erik whispers upon Charles’s skin like a benediction.

‘Hmmm,’ Charles looks transported already and Erik has barely touched him. Erik takes off Charles’s clothes, kissing, caressing, revering every piece of pale flesh Charles was giving him.
‘You’re beautiful, Charles,’ Erik looks his fill at the flush creeping from Charles’s rapidly expanding chest to his full cheeks, he lingers on the hard dick, thick and uncut, weeping pre-come and ready for whatever attention Erik was willing to give it.

‘I’ve wanted this from the moment I saw you, Erik. You have no idea, do you? The effect you have on people?’ Erik doesn’t know how to respond to what Charles is saying so he kisses him, occupies that beautiful, dangerous mouth with his tongue so he doesn’t have to deal with words that make his chest hurt.

‘Wait, Erik, I want…can I suck you?’ Charles looks at him, greedy for his cock and how could Erik resist that?

Erik sits up, opens his legs and marvels at the sight of Charles Xavier, want for Erik written all over his flushed, hard body and Erik can’t breathe. He never thought he’d find this when he decided to leave Germany.

Charles engulfs him in his wide, square hand, jerking him off with a grip that’s not quite tight enough to bring true pleasure, but tight enough to make him just that much harder. He tugs the foreskin back, lapping at Erik’s slit and they both moan; Erik doesn’t know where his pleasure ends and Charles’s begins.

Charles slowly takes more and more of him in, talented tongue rubbing tantalizing circles over his sensitive dick. He hadn’t realized he’d closed his eyes until they opened at the feel of himself at the back of Charles’s throat.

‘Raven!’ Erik is taken completely out of his arousal by the sight of an expressionless Raven in nothing but her bra and panties standing in the doorway. Erik tries to push Charles away because he knew the obstinate Raven wasn’t going anywhere but Charles wouldn’t be displaced, he began to suck harder.

‘It’s all right Erik, I’ve seen Charles on his knees before,’ Erik looks down at Charles and he’s looking at Erik with challenge in his eyes and Erik knows he’d be smirking if his mouth wasn’t full.

So this is the game they play, Erik is surprised his ever present anger hasn’t burst through his skin to destroy everything he’s built as it usually does. He looks at Raven again and sees that her eyes are glued to the intersection where his dick and Charles’s red mouth meet. He listens to Charles gagging himself on his dick, so eager now with Raven’s eyes on him and Erik realizes it was never about him, the siblings approaching him at the deli, befriending him so easily, moving him in was all a part of the game they play with one another. Instead of being angry, instead of being hurt, Erik is sure.

‘Raven, come here,’ if she is surprised by his quick acquiescence, she doesn’t show it, but Erik understands now that she was always a better actor than Charles, letting nothing but her irreverence show on her cherubic face. She sits down close and Erik leans in and whispers, ‘Look at him, mouth full of my dick. He’s beautiful like this, yes? On his knees and completely open for whatever we want to give him.’

‘Yes,’ Raven breathed out and Erik captures her mouth, taking everything that was his right to take. Charles emitted a chest rattling moan at the sight of him kissing Raven and something broke loose in Erik, if this was all he was going to get from the Xavier siblings then he was going to take it as far as he could.

‘Charles, stop. I don’t want to come in your mouth,’ both Raven and Charles moan at the implication.
‘Whatever you want, Erik,’ Charles says looking at Raven with everything he ever wanted to do with her in his eyes.

‘I think Raven is curious about how I taste, aren’t you, Raven?’ Both Charles and Raven look at him wide-eyed and Erik wants to laugh; how dare they be scandalized when they started this. ‘Go on, Charles, aren’t siblings meant to share? ‘ It’s as if all they needed was Erik’s explicit permission because they go to one another as a starving man would go to a buffet. Erik looks at the way their tongues are crashing against one another; fighting for every sensation, he looks at the way Charles’s hands are grabbing at Raven, frenetic fingertips touching every inch of her. He looks at the reverent way Raven’s hands are holding Charles’s face, as if this was the answer to every question she’d ever had and Erik realizes they’ve never allowed themselves this; always settling for fucking each other by proxy.
Erik rifles through Charles’s pockets, sure he came prepared to deal with the mechanics of two men fucking and sure enough, his long fingers grasp a small tube of Vaseline. He slicks himself with the ill-gotten Vaseline, kneels behind Charles and pulls him away from Raven, the rapid up and down of Charles’s chest amplifying his own desire.

‘You said anything, right, Charles?’ Erik whispers in Charles’s ear.

‘Yes,’ there is nothing left to Charles’s voice but the barest of sound. Erik slides his hands down to Charles’s dick and its weeping pre-come and so hard and eager it twitches in Erik’s grip, begging to be used.

‘I want,’ here Erik pauses, fingers leaving Charles’s dick and finding his hole, lightly circling before pushing in. ‘I want you to taste Raven there,’ the fingertips of his other hand push aside Raven’s underwear, exposing the glistening folds of her pussy and Charles lets out a moan so deep and guttural it’s as if someone punched him in the chest, ‘while I fuck you,’ Erik finishes by pushing his finger all the way in.

‘Yes,’ both Xavier siblings shout out at the same time. Charles leans forward into the V of Raven’s full thighs, tongue lapping at her folds and Erik sinks two fingertips into her, loving the feel of Charles’s talented tongue swiping over them in his eagerness to taste his sister. He pushes another finger into Charles’s greedy hole and doesn’t stop until he’s in to second knuckle. He twists them around half-heartedly before pulling them out, ready to feel Charles with his dick. He lines up and pushes in, slowly but without pause, loving the feel of Charles’s walls pushing back at his dick, resisting his intrusion.
Erik can see the tension in Charles’s back, hear it in the now constant guttural moans sucked in and muted by Raven’s pussy. It seems she like the feel of his moans reverberating on her clit because a look of ecstasy overtakes her beautiful face. She pushes Charles’s head back, too sensitive for his greedy tongue. ‘Wait, Charles, I can’t-‘ she can barely get the words out, body bent over itself in its prolonged pleasure.

‘Raven,’ Charles says as Erik fills him to the brim with his dick. ‘You just-‘ Erik pushes his head down, giving him a face full of Raven; he doesn’t want to hear anything Charles has to say, now only interested in the pleasure that devil tongue could wrench out of him.

‘Erik!’ Raven shouts out, full of umbrage, but she doesn’t push Charles away; apparently she’s ready for round two.

Erik starts thrusting, not waiting for Charles to adjust to his girth. By the way Charles pushes back with his hips, he doesn’t need nor want the consideration. Erik pushes into Charles’s body hard, over and over, delighting in his grunts and exhalations, delights in the way his hole grips at his dick, as if it didn’t have a purpose before Erik stretched it out.

‘You see this, Raven? How beautifully your brother takes it? As if he were born to be used at both ends,’ anger flickers over Raven’s face before she quickly replaces it with her typical bored disdain. How dare she feel any anger, Erik is only playing at the game they chose. He could’ve loved them but they don’t want anyone else’s affections.

‘How does he feel, Erik?’ Raven asks, through clenched teeth, pleasure reaching the point where it’s fast becoming indistinguishable from pain for her.

‘Warm, tight and welcoming, I think Charles was made for my dick.’ There it is, the anger that’s been his most loyal friend.

‘It should be tight, you’re-‘ Raven can’t finish her sentence, caught in the grip of another orgasm, this time she pushes Charles’s head away, his tongue still out mid-lap and Erik sees a copious amount of her slick shooting out of her like a geyser, landing on Charles’s tongue, his lips, his flushed cheeks. They all release primal groans at this, it’s the most vulgar, the most erotic thing Erik has ever seen. He grips Charles’s hips and he pushes in and out in a frenzied haze of arousal and anger. His orgasm is overwhelming; all he can do is breathe in and out and let it flow out of him at its own pace.

When Erik comes back to himself he can hear Charles whimpering, body still and tense, ready for its own release. Erik looks at Raven, whose hands have found their way back to Charles’s face, rubbing in her slick with reverent fingertips and Charles is looking at her as if she’s the only thing worth looking at and suddenly Erik feels completely empty. He pulls out hastily and tries his best to ignore the splotches of blood left behind on Charles’s thighs.

‘Erik, wait,’ he hears Charles call out to him but he has to get away from these two before he suffocates from the weight of all the things he wanted from them that they can’t give. He gathers his clothes, eyes quickly looking over the room he’d come to think of his own in his short stay and he says good-bye to the Erik who stayed here. He looks at the Xavier siblings, flushed, debauched, ruined, and says good-bye to the Raven and Charles he thought he knew. He closes the door on them and goes to the phone in the hallway to call a cab, naked and stinking of what he’d just done. He dresses then drifts to the foyer, mentally cataloguing all the items he’ll have to replace because he can’t go back to that room, he knows he’ll never come back here, never see Charles or Raven again. The wait for the cab feels endless; no one comes down to see him off.