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It had never been on purpose that his and Neil's relationship was a secret. It's not his fault that Aaron was as dense as a brick wall. His brother was gifted in many things, mainly in maintaining an unrivaled level of stupidity. It had been three months on the dot, and Aaron remained completely oblivious. If it wasn't so goddamn annoying Andrew would find it funny.
He was pretty sure Nicky knew. It’s not like they were subtle. The number of times Neil had shown up in something and left in something else was all too suggestive. Especially when it was with flushed cheeks and blinding smiles. But Nicky had yet to say anything to his face. The sudden appearance of condoms in their shared bathroom and a series of all too sappy looks aimed at him and Neil gave him a pretty good idea though.
But Aaron? His twin? His reflective flesh and blood? His replicated DNA? He didn’t get a single fucking thing without it being shoved in his face. It was embarrassing at this point.
I guess this is what Andrew got for having a little brother. (It was only by two minutes and twelve seconds, they checked, but it still made Andrew feel the weariness of old age every time he spoke to Aaron.)
“Do you think we should just tell him?” Neil asked, breaking Andrew’s internal monologue. They were sitting on Andrew’s bed, Neil leaned up against his chest and their hands interlocked in the pocket of Neil’s hoodie.
“No.” Neil rolled his eyes.
“Why not? It’s clearly important to you that he knows.” Andrew scoffed.
“No, it’s not.”
“Andrew, stop being contrary.” Andrew frowned, pressing his face into Neil’s shoulder. It was warm and soft, two of Andrew’s favorite guilty pleasures.
“No,” he replied, pressing the words into Neil’s skin. Neil rolled his eyes again and pulled his hands away from Andrews where he was currently holding them.
“Andrew, it’s okay to care about your family's opinion ya know?” Neil said quieter. Andrew sucked in a harsh breath. No, it wasn’t. Andrew wrapped his hands around Neil’s waist and held him. Steady, comfortable, his tether to the normal world.
“I’ve been thinking about telling my foster parents. I think I’d like for them to know.” Neil continued. “What do you think of that?”
Andrew thought about it.
Part of him was thrilled. Thrilled that Neil trusted them, trusted him, trusted his pseudo-family with something so inherently fragile.
Part of him was terrified. Terrified that they wouldn’t approve, that Neil would be one phone call away from being ripped away forever, that they would tell Neil that any part of him was broken or unworthy.
Neil waited him out, let him gather his thoughts, let him breathe in.
“I want you to live in a world where you can tell the people in your life anything you want to.” Andrew finally settled on.
“I want that for you too,” Neil whispered back.
Andrew let that soak in.
That sat in silence for a moment, Andrew pondered how he even got himself into this situation. Dating Neil Josten and contemplating telling everyone he knew.
If his life was a rom-com he would have already shouted it from the rooftops. Told everyone in a ten-mile radius that Neil Josten kissed him on the regular and that he was slowly losing his ability to ponder a reality where he didn’t. Screamed it into the face of every person who had beat into his blood that he would never be loved that they were wrong .
That Neil was soft, and slow, and careful with him and listened to every no like it was law. That his guardian used the four-letter word they'd promised would never apply to him like a punctuation mark in his home even if Andrew never said it back. That his brother cared enough to make enough breakfast for two and leave it warm in the kitchen while Andrew slept in before school even if neither of them ever acknowledged it.
And maybe that was part of why he was so scared. So hesitant to admit that it did matter. Aaron and Neil had never particularly gotten along, bickering like well-worn siblings from the day they met. And Aaron was blunt, unapologetic in his opinion. He would tell Andrew exactly how he felt and Andrew wasn't sure he wanted to find out.
Neil was the most important thing in his life. But reluctantly, in the back of his mind, he could admit that Aaron and Nicky filled spots two and three with no question.
If Aaron didn’t approve he couldn't bear to lose one of the only people in the world that cared . The wound would probably heal but damn it, it would bleed for a very long time, and Andrew was running low on his supply of mental band-aids.
“I’ll think about it,” Andrew promised.
And he did. He thought about it a lot. He thought about it every time he saw Aaron in the morning before school. He thought about it every time his lips found home in Neil’s and wondered how everyone he met couldn’t read it in his face when they looked at them later. He thought about it in the shower when he smelled the shampoo Neil liked to steal so much. And he thought about it when he pulled on the pair of joggers Neil stole the most.
And he thought about it.
And one day he didn’t have to anymore. He just decided. Easy as that. Being with Neil was the most instinctual thing he’d ever experienced, if Aaron couldn’t figure it out, he would be told and he would accept it. He had to.
Being with Neil was like falling asleep and waking up. He was like looking up at the stars and trying to make pictures. He was like breathing. And Aaron could do all of those things. He was human. And Neil was the only thing that made Andrew feel like he was too.
“I want Aaron to know,” Andrew admitted on an unsuspecting Tuesday. He and Neil were currently sitting on the floor, a videogame Andrew opened on the screen in front of them as Neil placed rollercoasters with precise focus.
“Hm? Know what?” Neil replied, not looking away from the screen. Andrew suppressed a sigh.
“About us, dumbass.”
“Oh.”
“Yeah. Oh.”
“That’s good Andrew,” Neil said, finally turning to look at him. Turning his full attention to the conversation at hand. “I’m proud of you,” he added.
Andrew shuddered.
Those were heavy words. But he would let Neil say them because he meant them. Because he said them with the weight of knowing how much they meant.
“It’s just Aaron,” Andrew said, instead of anything else. Instead of anything more revealing. But Neil knew, he always knew.
“He’s your brother.”
“So what?”
Neil ignored his quip, instead studying his face. Andrew closed his eyes. Neil was free to look but he wouldn’t give up any information easily.
“Have you thought about how to tell him?”
He had. Grand speeches that boiled down to “Neils my boyfriend and if you're mean to him I'll kill you,” to intricate and convoluted scavengers hunts that resulted in a card with the announcement on it, to just walking into his bedroom with Neil in tow just to kiss him full on the mouth. He’d had a lot of time to contemplate it.
None of it seemed right.
A selfish part of him wanted Aaron just to know . Wanted him to be able to read it from their body language. Wanted him to understand as instinctually as he did the fact that they were brothers and that since they met that meant something.
But he didn't. He didn't notice it. He didn’t make fun of them for being cutesy, or tease Neil for stealing Andrew's hoodies. He just didn't.
And Andrew was okay with that. He’d spent a lot of time learning his brother’s every mood. And he still understood something new every day. Aaron was the person that he was, and Andrew was okay with that. He had to be.
So he took a deep breath and said to Neil,
“I just want to tell him. Over dinner,” he paused, “tonight.”
Neil looked at him. Before he nodded.
“Okay.”
“Okay.”
“Do you want me there?”
Andrew knew the answer instantly.
“Yes.”
And he was. Neil sat next to him, Nicky and Aaron across the table, tucking into their food like normal.
They weren’t a talkative bunch, mostly leaving Nicky to fill the silence while they all enjoyed Nicky's mandatory family dinner once a week.
And he did, fill the silence that is.
“Neil, kiddo, how did your physics test go?” Nicky asked.
“Alright. Got a 98%.”
“Aw! Good job Neil! I’m so proud of you! Andrew, tell Neil you're proud of him.”
Andrew huffed, but obliged because it made Nicky splutter with surprise.
“Neil, I’m proud of you.”
Aaron rolled his eyes.
“Thanks, Andrew!” Neil beamed. They’d studied for it together and Andrew wasn't lying, he was proud of Neil. In everyday mundanities like school tests, in every loving stare, in everything.
“Okay Aaron, what about you? How was that Spanish test? The one I helped you study for? Hm? Aced it I hope?”
“I passed.”
“Yes! I knew ya would! Good job kiddo. I'm proud of you too.”
“Thanks, Nicky,” Aaron muttered. Andrew and he had both slowly softened to Nicky's endless praise even if it still felt foreign a lot of the time.
“Okay, Andrew, your turn. No tests recently, right? What about, hmmm,” Nicky paused, swirling through his mental catalog of information to find something to ask about, “how was the book you checked out last week? It looked good. Fantasy right?”
Andrew hmm ’ed. He wasn’t done with it yet but had read enough to have an opinion.
“The world-building is shitty.”
“Damn! That’s a bummer. We’ll get something better next time.”
Nicky continued on like that for a while, switching between sharing stories from work to gently needling at his collection of wayward teens for information before dinner started to wind down. Food was gone, and plates were stacked, ready to be brought to the kitchen.
“Okay kiddos, I’ve got pie or ice cream, please share your preferences before I leave the room and it will be brought to you. Andrew, I already know you want ice cream.” Nicky said, clapping his hands and reaching for the plate stack.
“Uh, actually, I have something to say,” Andrew said. Nicky turned to him with confusion spilling over his entire body.
“Okay? Go for it.”
Nicky rubbed his hands together, a long-standing nervous habit.
“Aaron,” Andrew started, waiting for him to be given Aaron's full attention. He did after a moment, looking surprised to be directly addressed.
Andrew didn't hesitate. Resolute in his decision.
Everything would be fine.
“Neil is my boyfriend.”
Nobody moved. The dining table was silent. Aaron blinked at Andrew before looking over at Neil and back to Andrew slowly. Nicky was completely still for maybe the first time in his entire life. Andrew wasn't sure he was even breathing.
After a second Aaron broke the tension.
“...I know?”
“What the fuck?”
“You do?”
“Agh!”
Andrew, Neil, and Nicky all replied simultaneously.
“Do you think I’m stupid?” Aaron replied. His cheeks flushed ever so slightly with the loud attention.
Andrew blinked.
“Uh, yeah? Kinda.”
“Fuck you. “ Aaron huffed. “It’s obvious Andrew, I just assumed you didn’t want me to say anything.”
“Why?”
“Because you never said anything?”
Oh.
That somehow made sense.
Of course Aaron knew.
Of course he didn’t bring it up. Andrew and his brother didn’t say things out loud. They shared silence. And it was comfortable. And it was safe. And it didn’t cross boundaries.
And Andrew should’ve trusted Aaron to know. To accept. To read between the same lines he’d written in the sand since the day they’d met.
“But,” Aaron cleared his throat, “for what it’s worth,” he paused, sending a glare toward Neil, “if you ever even think about hurting my brother I will find you and I will ruin your life-” he hesitated, “again.”
Neil rolled his eyes.
“Noted.”
Andrew felt a flare of protectiveness build up at him but soothed it with the knowledge that was just how Aaron and Neil spoke to each other.
And it was okay.
Nicky stood there watching, ready to jump in at any semblance of harshness, used to smoothing out their broken edges. And he brought out ice cream. And they ate it sitting there at the table while Nicky asked even more questions.
And if Andrew slipped his hand under the table to gently tangle with Neils? All that happened was Nicky smiling so bright he could've been sold as an LED statue and Aaron rolling his eyes but still sending Andrew a hesitant smile afterward to let him know he didn't really care.
And it was okay.
And Andrew was safe.
And he was sitting at the table with three people who cared about him.
And that was enough.
Andrew let out a deep breath and didn’t feel the need to take in another one.
He was home.