Chapter Text
She wasn't Rhaenyra. There was nothing about her that would remind her of her once friend. And still, as they were standing there she she couldn't help but think about Rhaenyra.
She wasn't her and she, herself wasn't what she used to be. How much she wished to be just Alicent. Everything was in pieces now. There was no way back and no way out. But she wouldn't let herself think about that. Not now. Not ever. Things had been done and there was no point in thinking about what ifs.
Darkness was all around them, she knew in the back of her mind. There was no way it could end well. But what did she want? Not this, not any of it. She didn't even remember when was the last time she had wanted anything. Her whole life felt like a long run into darkness, and as years went by she was even further from her true self.
She wanted her right now. She wanted her so much that it even scared her.
When Rhaenyra said all those years ago that she had shown her true colors she had to hold back tears. She acted as a mother would. As a woman would. As a Hightower would. Was that it? Her mind felt foggy and numb. She wanted to belive it was the best thing to do. The right thing. But was it? The burden was heavy and not meant for her.
Hot breath next to her ear brought back her to the present. And she dropped her previous thoughts.
She is not Rhaenyra. Alicent thought. Still, she felt the familiar tingle in her heart when she touched her. It was like back in those days when she and Rhaenyra spent all day together and would sometimes sleep in the same bed.
Happiness was something that would not visit her often, and for long years, she thought she have grown numb to any feelings of that kind. Although right now, in this very moment she felt something that some would even describe as happiness. She didn't want to think about it. Not now. She needed this. Her. at this very moment.
And they kissed. There was no way of telling who started it. Both of them were hungry for this affection, or whatever it was.