Chapter Text
The road seems to stretch to infinity as the wheels of his motorcycle eat the asphalt. The sun is high in the blue, blue sky, and Jungkook is surrounded by fields of flowers, by lonely trees, for as far as he can look. A false sense of freedom overtakes him.
For a second, he almost thinks that he is safe, that he is far away from all the troubles that stick to him like a second skin—almost. But he’s too down to earth, too realistic for that, too used to what his life has become to let himself dream of a world where he could be free, really free. There will always be dark clouds looming above his head, there will always be someone to run from, waiting to capture him.
Always.
And Jungkook is used to it. He’s so used to being on the run that he can’t remember what it’s like to settle down, to find a home. Home… He never had one, not after his parents died when he was just two years old, not after his uncle took him in and made his life a living hell.
He still wonders from time to time what it’s like to belong somewhere, to not be afraid of getting caught and finally be able to breathe. Afraid… It’s not exactly the right word. Jungkook is not scared of what could happen—of his own death—if it has to come to that. He’s ready to face the wrath of his old pack after he fled three years ago. He’s ready for everything they might send his way. He knows his time is running out. But still, he runs, far, far away from them. It may be futile, it may be foolish, however, he won’t stop. Because somewhere, deep inside of him, he wants to believe that he can escape his destiny.
Jungkook doesn’t know where he is going, doesn’t have any destination in mind. He lets himself be carried by the wind. He doesn’t care where he ends up since he’s only gonna stay for a month or two anyway. Staying longer than that in the same place would be dangerous and stupid. He can’t afford exposing himself or being vulnerable.
So, Jungkook moves from town to town, endlessly. He doesn’t take root anywhere. He can’t. He admits that it does get lonely, and that, sometimes, he craves for some warmth. Most of all, he yearns for something he never experienced… love . But Jungkook knows that he’s not deserving of it. He has nothing to offer, nothing but his heart and he’s well aware that it’s not enough.
Jungkook is too broken to be loved.
He has scars on his soul that prevent him from getting attached to anyone. Scars that still burn, that still hurt, that he tries his hardest to forget. It never works. His nightmares are the proof of that, of this weakness of his. And he hates being weak. He is strong, stronger than his past, than the ghosts of it who follow him everywhere.
Jungkook grips the handlebars tighter. He doesn’t want to think . He wants to free his mind, but he can’t. He’s a prisoner of what happened to him, of what could happen to him. No matter what he does, no matter where he goes, he’s trapped inside a cage he can’t get out of.
Jungkook doesn’t live, he survives. And being alone makes everything harder for him. Werewolves are creatures who need to live in a pack, and he’s been deprived of that for years. He can feel the control he has over his wolf wearing thin because of that. Being unbinded means that he can’t shift as much as he wants to, can’t seek the presence of another wolf as much as he needs to. He has to stay away, he can’t risk endangering someone else, and it kills him slowly.
It’s hard, seeing yourself deteriorate little by little. It’s hard, knowing that you’re dying inside. And Jungkook doesn’t know what he would do without his wolf. It’s his spirit, his soul, he can’t lose him because… because what? Because his human form wasn’t strong enough to keep him alive? It’s ironic. Jungkook left his pack to stay alive, and now… now he’s losing what is the most precious to him. It isn’t fucking fair.
In the distance, Jungkook sees the outline of buildings and houses. A town, surrounded by a big forest. He’ll have to stop there to put some gas into his tank and eat something. The possibility that a pack lives there exists, and it makes Jungkook nervous. But he doesn’t have a choice. He’s been on the road for hours already, since the sun rose, and he has to take a break. He just hopes that laying low will suffice and that he won’t get into trouble. That’s the last thing he needs right now.
It only takes a few more minutes before Jungkook is in town, his motorcycle going down the main road, engine roaring. The streets are eerily quiet, empty for the most part. The air is chilly, like a horror movie even in broad daylight, but Jungkook doesn’t give a shit about that. He’s seen what horror is like, felt what fear is like, he’s immune to them now. So, he gets down from his motorcycle after finding a spot to park in front of a diner. He takes his helmet off and looks around, smelling the air. Yes, there are definitely wolves in town. He can sense them, can feel them. He’s gonna have to be careful, really careful. If someone finds out who he is and brings him back to his old pack… No, he doesn’t want to think about that now.
Jungkook pushes the door of the diner open and instantly all heads turn around to look at him. He steels himself further and goes inside, walking towards a booth in the back. He avoids the gazes of everyone, looking straight ahead and keeping his head held high until he’s seated. Only then do the people in the diner stop scrutinizing him, but he can hear the quiet whispering and he knows they’re talking about him, about his unconventional looks, the leather he wears, the piercings, the tattoos. He doesn’t belong here, he’s an abnormality. It doesn’t take a genius to figure that out. And it shouldn’t bother him, the stares, the murmurs, but it does. It makes his skin itch.
Ignoring the heavy atmosphere around him, Jungkook takes the menu that was lying on the table in his hands and busies himself by reading it. Just then, the bell above the door chimes and three tall figures enter the diner. As soon as his nostrils flare, Jungkook knows that they’re wolves. All three of them. He tenses, gripping the menu until his knuckles turn white.
This isn’t good. This isn’t good, at all. With wolves around, they will sense him, just as he sensed them. They’ll know that he is an omega, and inevitably pick up the fact that he has no other pack scent on him. Fuck, he’ll have to fight. He won’t have any other choice and most likely, he will end up dead.
Well, shit. Should he try to leave right now, before it’s too late?
As the thought crosses his mind, he notices that the wolves don’t spare him a glance as they go to sit in a booth on the other side of the diner. A sigh of relief escapes him. He’s safe, for now.
However, Jungkook’s relief is short-lived when one of the wolves makes eye contact with him, his dragon eyes studying him intently. Jungkook stays still, breath stuck in his throat as the other stares him down. He levels his gaze, defiant. He knows what he’s doing is incredibly stupid, he should just bow his head down but he can’t. His wolf doesn’t let him. He’s come too far to submit simply because he’s an omega, the class considered inferior in comparison to the others. He did that too much in the past and it got him nowhere.
The alpha raises an eyebrow in his direction and smirks before turning his attention back to the two wolves with him. He says something to them that Jungkook can’t hear, or rather, doesn’t want to hear. Jungkook’s eyes stay on the alpha, on the threat that he could become, but all he exudes is calm, serenity. He doesn’t seem like he’s on the verge of attacking Jungkook like so many other wolves did before. It’s… odd, admittedly but Jungkook isn’t complaining. Of course, he will continue to keep his guard up, but if he can breathe easier, even by a little, he won’t spit on it.
In the midst of trying to decipher the alpha’s intentions towards him, he doesn’t feel the waitress approach his table. It’s only when he hears a cheerful “Welcome to Blue Side!” that he tears his gaze away from the alpha and comes face to face with a woman who can’t be older than forty years old. Her smile, heart-shaped, takes up all of her face. She’s a ray of sunshine, Jungkook can tell from the energy she radiates. He involuntarily lets out a small smile of his own as he looks at her and it feels almost foreign. When was the last time he smiled, genuinely smiled?
“What would you like to order?” she asks, pen tapping on her little notebook.
“Jajangmyeon and banana milk, please,” Jungkook answers.
His voice is deep, gravelly from not having used it for hours, or was it for days? He doesn’t remember.
“It’ll be ready in fifteen minutes, dear!”
Jungkook only nods as the waitress moves to another table. From the same group as before, he can feel the weight of someone watching him and he lifts his head to meet feline, cat-like eyes. The wolf is shorter than the other alpha, but he looks more intimidating and closed-off with his dark hair and dark attire. His piercing gaze threatens to send shivers running down Jungkook’s spine, but he pushes it down as though he’s unaffected. His instincts tell him to run away, run far and fast so no one would have any hope of catching up to him. He stays put, eyes unblinking as they dive into the other’s ones. The wolf just smiles, elusive, before turning his head on the side and speaking with the dragon-eyed alpha.
What are they trying to do? By now, they should have come to Jungkook’s table, asked him who he was, why was he on their territory and all that shit. But they didn’t. Weird. The third wolf —an alpha too—still has his back turned on Jungkook so he doesn’t see his face, only his bubblegum pink hair. He’s relieved that he doesn’t have to undergo another staring contest with this one. The first two had him on edge as it was. And he can’t relax, not at all. Now, he’s on high alert. He knows he can’t take on three alphas if they decide to attack him, but hell if he won’t die trying.
Jungkook’s train of thought is cut off when the waitress comes back with his order and places it on the table in front of him. He thanks her quietly before taking the first bite of his noodles. They have a bitter taste as he unsuccessfully tries to shake the feeling of being watched, and he can’t appreciate the dish like he would have without everyone around gossiping about him. It gets on his nerves. Jungkook knows he shouldn’t let these things get under his skin but then he remembers the smirk, the smile of the alphas. Something stirs inside of him, something ugly, something he doesn’t like to face: fear.
Jungkook tries to swallow it down with his noodles. He tries to keep his gaze on everything but the wolves. It’s difficult because his wolf can’t help but react to their presence, clawing at his skin to get out, to fight, to protect him. He can feel beads of sweat start to trickle down his temples and he grits his teeth, clenching his jaw as he tries to control his inner wolf. This isn’t good.
As though he sensed Jungkook’s inner turmoil, the dragon-eyed alpha turns back to him, a look of concern painted on his striking features. Shit , his mind hisses in alarm, what is he supposed to do now? Jungkook eludes his gaze, opting to eat the rest of his noodles like he isn’t on the verge of shifting in the middle of a diner to pounce on three alphas. Soon, a shadow is looming over him and someone slides into the booth, taking a seat in front of him. Fuck, fuck, fuck. He inhales sharply, sandalwood filling his nostrils, before lifting his doe eyes to meet dragon ones.
“Hi.”
Jungkook doesn’t answer. He knows it’s rude, but frankly, he’s not even sure if he can actually speak right now. His wolf is howling inside him, screaming danger, danger, danger , and Jungkook does everything he can to not let him out, to not break.
“I’m Kim Namjoon,” the alpha continues.
He sounds encouraging, like Jungkook didn’t just ignore him, like he thinks Jungkook is gonna give him his name too.
Another beat of silence passes. Namjoon sighs, letting out a resigned, “Okay.”
For a second, Jungkook thinks he’s gonna give up and leave, but Namjoon doesn’t. He just looks at him, pensive, like he’s trying to figure him out. Well, good luck with that.
“I won’t hurt you,” is what Namjoon says next and Jungkook’s eyes widen, “Nor will my friends.”
Jungkook doesn’t believe him, doesn’t trust him, but for some reason a part of him strangely wants to. There’s something so peaceful radiating from Namjoon. He doesn’t act as a threat to Jungkook, he acts like… a friend?
“You’re safe here.”
Safe? Jungkook almost scoffs. He's not safe anywhere. Not when he's being hunted down by an entire pack. But Namjoon doesn’t need to know that, he shouldn’t know that.
“Why are you telling me this?” Jungkook asks defensively.
“Because I think you need to know.”
“You don’t know me,” Jungkook spits.
“You’re right,” Namjoon says, shrugging. “I don’t know you. I just… had a hunch that you needed the reassurance.”
“I don’t need anything coming from you or your friends.”
Namjoon doesn’t say anything for a while, just looks at Jungkook like he can decipher all the emotions storming in his eyes, like he can see the scared little child hiding behind all his bravado. It puts Jungkook ill at ease. Because for the first time in a long time, he feels seen. He feels like he can’t hide behind his mask and it’s frightening.
Finally, Namjoon nods, lips tight. He gets up from his seat, standing near the table for a minute with his heavy gaze still fixed on Jungkook.
“I won’t bother you anymore. Have a nice day.”
With a wave of his hand, Namjoon turns around and makes his way back to his booth. Jungkook lets out the breath he didn’t know he was holding and as he watches him leave, he sees Namjoon start talking animatedly with his friends, most likely relaying the conversation they just had. Jungkook shakes his head and finishes his banana milk before putting some money on the table. He exits the diner without a glance back.
Once he’s outside, Jungkook ponders on what to do. Stay or leave. He’s tired, exhausted even. The exchange with Namjoon, no matter how short it was, drained him. His wolf needs to calm down, he needs to calm down and sleeping for hours to forget about the world, about all his worries, suddenly seems like a good idea.
Jungkook’s eyes land on the hotel standing on the opposite side of the street, with its white facade, cracked in some places. It looks old, the name of the hotel painted above the entrance in big black tatty letters. Jungkook has seen better, but he has seen worse too. This will do.
Jungkook crosses the street and enters the hotel, quickly booking a room for the night and climbing the stairs to the right floor. When he opens the door of hisroom, he’s met with gaudy decoration that appears to be straight out of the 70’s. Maroon carpeting, brown furniture, white lamps here and there, psychedelic wallpaper, and mustard blankets on the bed. Somehow, it makes him tiredly smile as the mix of colors hurt his eyes. This is familiar for him, someone who is used to going from hotel room to hotel room. It’s not ideal, but it’s enough to be a shelter for a few hours. At least, he hopes so.
After closing the door behind him and locking it, Jungkook takes his shoes off and lets his backpack fall to the floor. As he goes to the bed, he peels off his clothes, only keeping his underwear on. He slides under the blankets and closes his eyes, throwing an arm across his face to block the sun rays filtering through the yellow curtains.
Sleep never comes easy to Jungkook. Too many thoughts clouding his mind, too many nightmares awaiting to claw at him in the dark. He doesn’t remember the last time he slipped into a peaceful slumber, or the last time he didn’t have to sleep with one eye open. It’s been too long. Days, weeks, months.
You’re safe here.
Namjoon’s words ring in his ears. Can Jungkook believe him? Can he believe that, for once, he can just close his eyes and let go for a few hours? He sighs. He doesn’t really have a choice, does he? His body is at its limit, his mind is on the verge of breaking, his wolf… his wolf is not so far from collapsing. He needs the rest.
Jungkook evens his breath, focusing on the way his heart beats in his chest, letting the sounds of the outside world become white noise as he falls, little by little, into the arms of Morpheus. Darkness engulfs him and he spirals into a world which should be made of dreams, a world where he should be free. But all that welcomes him are images of blood, of wolves howling, chasing after him, images of Him, the one who wants him dead… and he thrashes in between the sheets, sweat dripping down his body, broken sobs and piercing cries escaping past his lips.
It hurts. It hurts so bad, to fight even in his sleep, to fight for every breath, to fight for every beat of his heart. However, he does it, endlessly, he does it with every fiber of his being, no matter how exhausted he is, no matter how wrecked he is. He can’t back down, can’t give up, even if it would be the easy way out. He desperately wants to live, desperately wants to believe that he has the right to. He might cry, he might break down when nobody is around, but Jungkook remains a strong omega, one who is willing to fight until his last breath.
And so, in the midst of his agitated sleep, as Jungkook wakes up a few times, breathing ragged, pulse spiking and disoriented, he forces himself to fall back asleep. He forces himself to face his demons yet again. He won’t let them win, ever.