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“If any of the house of Israel or of the strangers who sojourn among them eats any blood, I will set my face against that person who eats blood and will cut him off from among his people. For the life of the flesh is in the blood, and I have given it for you on the altar to make atonement for your souls, for it is the blood that makes atonement by the life. No person among you shall eat blood, neither shall any stranger who sojourns among you eat blood. Any one also of the people of Israel, or of the strangers who sojourn among them, who takes in hunting any beast or bird and cover it with earth. For the life of every creature is its blood: its blood is its life. Therefore I have said to the people of Israel, You shall not eat the blood of any creature, for the life of every creature is its blood. Whoever eats it shall be cut off.”
Akutagawa knelt before the altar, reciting his verse. A cold wind blew through the cathedral but when he stood, the room was still empty. Large candles flickered in the moonlight, illuminating the stained glass and causing shadows to dance across the pews. Akutagawa clutched his crucifix tighter in his hands.
“There are those who curse their fathers and do not bless their mothers. There are those who are clean in their own eyes but are not washed of their filth. There are those-how lofty their eyes, how high their eyelids lift! There are those whose teeth are swords, whose fangs are knives, to devour the poor from earth, the needy from mankind.”
Akutagawa stood at a start at the sound of footsteps without the sound of a door opening. His eyes widened the smallest amount, the crucifix held out before himself. “It is you,” he exclaimed quietly.
“It is I,” came the same intoxicating voice that haunted Akutagawa’s dreams. “Have you missed me, Reverend Akutagawa?”
“I do not miss demons such as yourself.” Akutagawa watched as the man came closer to him. Each step echoed through the church walls.
“I do have a name.”
“You are an unholy being, Nakajima Atsushi! You are a henchman of the devil and you prowl like a roaring tiger. I am the wrong person for you to seek to devour.” Akutagawa spoke with shaky breaths. The predatory eyes of Atsushi stared him down as the vampire continued to approach. Akutagawa had been so captivated by the way his irises seemed to glow like embers in the night, he hadn’t noticed how close Atsushi had gotten until they were face to face.
“You are just as unholy as I am, Reverend.” Akutagawa could feel the vampire’s warm breath on his nose. He instantaneously stepped backward but only ended up pressed against the pulpit.
“You dare question my purity and faith in our lord?” he accused as Atsushi took another step to loom over the priest like a monster pinning down its prey. The vampire quirked his lips in a devilish smirk, revealing the smallest glimpse of his sharp fangs beneath blood-red lips.
“Now the works of the flesh are evident: sexual immorality, impurity, sensuality…”
“Do not cite God’s word to me, Devil!”
“I warn you, as I warned you before, that those who do such things will not inherit the kingdom of God.” Atsushi's voice was low and breathy as he leaned closer to Akutagawa who was frozen where he stood, pressed against the wooden stand. “You are consumed by lustful thoughts, Reverend, and you have been since you first laid eyes on me.”
“You lie, devil! You lie!” Akutagawa raised his arms to push the vampire away but Atsushi took hold of his hands. Cold heat burned through Atsushi’s gloves; sending a shiver down Akutagawa’s spine.
“I tell no such lies. In fact, it is you who are lying to yourself, is it not?” Atsushi asked, pinning Akutagawa with his gaze. The priest refused to answer, choosing instead to glare defiantly at the vampire before him. Atsushi continued, “you joined the church to win the approval of another, or was it to wash away your past sins? Or both?” he teased.
Akutagawa’s breath hitched. “How do you know?” he asked, eyes wide. Not a soul was supposed to know of the person he had been, not one. Atsushi let out a breathy laugh, warmth ghosting over Akutagawa’s neck.
“I have been captivated by you long before I showed you my fangs.” Atsushi gave an open-mouthed smile, revealing the glistening fangs that seemed too big for his mouth and yet somehow fit perfectly inside. “There is so much more to you than you let others know, my angel,” he whispered as he let go of Akutagawa’s hands to drag his own down the priest’s chest, kneeling to continue caressing Akutagawa all the way down to his ankles. He toyed with the hem of Akutagawa’s robe, delicately running a finger along the stitching. “You never wanted any of this,” Atsushi whispered, looking up at the priest with gleaming eyes in the dark room, “did you?”
The only reply was the silence of candles flickering and rain outside. Atsushi sighed and swiftly moved to sit before the altar and stare wide-eyed at the stained glass before him. His expression was one of longing; distant and holding more than it should. Akutagawa watched him with intrigue. There was no way this vampire knew of what he had done before coming here, no way. But if he did…
“You’re right,” Akutagawa said, stepping closer to Atsushi who spared him a quick glance.
“Hmm,” the vampire hummed. “I never wanted this either.”
“It seems we have something in common.” Akutagawa took a seat on the marble steps beside Atsushi, any pseudo-fear melting from his fingertips. In truth, he was never afraid of Atsushi, not really. At least, not because he was a vampire.
The case of Nakajima Atsushi was an interesting one. He had been showing his face at the church for some time but Akutagawa never saw him interacting with others at all. Instead, Atsushi would linger by the back walls, merely observing, maybe listening, but never speaking. He always had a sort of faraway look in his eyes and would stand as if he knew he did not belong where he was.
When Akutagawa discovered the reason behind Atsushi’s strange behavior, he lashed out. He called the man a sinner, a demon sent from Hell. But in truth-
“Do you ever miss it?” Akutagawa was broken from his thoughts by Atsushi’s soft voice. The vampire still did not meet his gaze, focusing somewhere in the distance, perhaps at something only he could see.
“Miss what?”
“Touch,” came the simple answer. “The warmth of another human being beneath your fingertips. I miss it.” The way Atsushi was speaking now was a stark difference from his earlier boldness. He just sounded so sad.
“You are not a human being.”
“I know.” Atsushi raised his hand absentmindedly to lightly trace the shell of his ear that was a little too pointed to be normal. “I know,” he said again, quieter this time.
“I do miss it,” Akutagawa admitted after a moment of prolonged silence. The vampire gave him a weary smile and his fangs no longer gleamed in the pale moonlight. They were just sharp.
“Why did you do it?” Atsushi asked, letting his expression fall once more.
Akutagawa thought for a moment. He didn’t like thinking of the past. The memories were dull. “I wanted to feel holy,” is what he settled on.
“Do you?”
“No.”
Akutagawa wasn’t sure how much time had passed while they sat together, not exactly close but not out of reach either before Atsushi gave a solemn nod and stood.
“I should be going,” he said, gazing down at the priest before averting his eyes to the large painting above the altar and back to Akutagawa. “I’m sorry for the trouble I have caused you.”
Without thinking, Akutagawa took hold of Atsushi’s ruffled shirt sleeve. “Stay,” he said, looking away. Atsushi obliged after a moment of stunned silence and took a seat once again by Akutagawa. “What is it like? Being a vampire, I mean.”
“Lonely. If I ever love someone, I am forced to grieve them at the same time because I know I will always be the one left to remember.” Atsushi spoke quietly, hands folded neatly in his lap. He was rather polite for a so-called monster.
“I assume you would never love again if it puts you in such a predicament.”
“I would be willing to make an exception. Why? Are you offering?” Atsushi finished his sentence with a soft laugh. It was such a pure sound coming from an unholy mouth. Akutagawa leveled the vampire with a look.
“And if I was?”
“Even if you despise me?”
“I never despised you, Vampire.”
Akutagawa watched with bated breath as the vampire slowly reached his hands up to cup his cheeks. Atsushi lightly bumped their noses together. “You made an oath,” he whispered against Akutagawa’s lips.
“Then break it for me.”
And with that, the vampire closed the distance between them, pressing his lips to Akutagawa’s in a chaste kiss. Atsushi’s lips were cold and he kissed as if he hadn’t done so in a hundred years but God was it nice. He held Akutagawa as if he were made of porcelain as he dragged his tongue across the priest’s lower lip, asking to deepen the kiss.
Akutagawa obliged, of course, suddenly overcome by the desire to be understood through touch alone. Atsushi parted the priest's lips with ease, slipping his tongue inside. He explored every inch of Akutagawa’s mouth at a languid pace and all Akutagawa could do was hum in approval when Atsushi pulled him even closer still.
They soon broke for air and Atsushi pushed Akutagawa onto his back against the stone steps behind them. “Vampire-” Akutagawa whispered, eyes blown wide, and while he was surprised, Atsushi threw one leg over his hips and sat on the priest’s lap like it was the only place he belonged.
“Please call me Atsushi,” he said before leaning in to press kisses down Akutagawa’s jaw. Akutagawa could feel Atsushi’s lips brushing over his neck, sending electricity through his veins with every press of teeth that was just light enough to avoid puncturing the priest’s pale skin.
“Then return the gesture.” Akutagawa was breathless, his pupils were blown out and he stared up at Atsushi who was panting above him. Never before did he think his fascination with the odd figure lingering in the churchyard would end like this but now all he could do was let his hands find Atsushi’s thighs and grip the soft flesh like a lifeline. Years of celibacy he did not believe in were broken by a tragic vampire; a vampire of flesh and blood beneath him, a beautiful body he could touch with his hands, every inch, even run his lips over.
“Ryunosuke,” Atsushi whispered in the priest’s ear. He kept his hands firm atop Akutagawa’s chest.
“Hmm?”
Atsushi hung his head, hiding his face in Akutagawa’s shoulder. “Please tell me you want this. Tell me you are just as lonely as I and I shall give myself to you tonight.”
“And tomorrow?”
“Remember me.”
Akutagawa began to knead the vampire’s thighs as he spoke. “You are none of the things that I said you were.”
“Then why did you say them?”
“I was…” the priest’s voice trailed out. For some reason, the words were stuck in his throat and he didn’t know why. He could feel Atsushi relax on top of him, hips pressing into Akutagawa’s own. “I was very angry at you. I am sure you can figure out the reason why yourself.”
A moment of silence passed over them. Atsushi stared down at Akutagawa with the same gleaming eyes that never ceased in their ability to captivate anyone whose gaze met his. Slowly, Atsushi rocked his hips against the priest’s, sighing quietly. He continued this motion, hands on Akutagawa’s chest still.
When Akutagawa dragged his hands to Atsushi’s hips in an attempt to gain some control of the situation, Atsushi was quick to grab his wrists. He brought Akutagawa’s arms to rest above his head with one hand and used his free hand to caress the priest’s neck.
“Let’s get this out of the way,” Atsushi whispered, voice husky. He swiftly took hold of the rosary around Akutagawa’s neck. Without a bit of warning, he yanked the necklace off with a force that would surely leave a glaring red across Akutagawa’s pale skin. The beads clattered across the marble staircase as Akutagawa gasped but before he could complain, Atsushi captured his lips in a heated kiss.
It was something else, being picked apart by a vampire on the steps of the altar illuminated by only candles and the prying light of the moon. The soft rhythm of the rain gently hitting the stained glass windows above them combined with the chorus of Atsushi’s soft moans as he worked Akutagawa’s robe off of him.
Akutagawa forced himself to look down at Atsushi once he felt cold fingers tugging at his waistband. Atsushi met his gaze and it took Akutagawa by surprise how gorgeous the vampire looked from that angle; candlelight dancing over his features as he slipped his hand between Akutagawa’s thighs, the sensation sending shivers over his body.
“You have beautiful eyes,” Akutagawa muttered between shallow breaths without so much as a second thought. Atsushi halted his movements for a mere moment to smile up at Akutagawa so pure and genuine.
“Really?” he asked. “I never knew.”
Atsushi held his gaze before letting out a soft laugh, and after a moment, Akutagawa did too. Atsushi left another kiss against Akutagawa’s lips before pulling the gloves he wore off and tossing them in the same direction as he did the rosary.
Akutagawa was pliant as Atsushi’s fingers slipped into his mouth, pressing down his tongue. The world seemed to be moving in slow motion as he coated Atsushi’s hand in saliva, watching spit drip from his nails as the hand was pulled away.
Akutagawa craned his neck back, basking in the new and novel feeling of Atsushi working him open through touch alone. The vampire’s fingers were cold inside him but God was he gentle; too gentle for a monster, too tame for a beast. He was lamblike in the way he spread Akutagawa open before undoing his own belt and pulling the priest’s hips against his own.
Neither could ignore the way Atsushi slotted their bodies together in such a perfect manner. He fumbled a bit to find the right angle, eyes open and asking a question in silence. Akutagawa nodded, screwing his eyes shut as Atsushi demurely worked himself inside.
A sigh of satisfaction escaped Akutagawa’s lips at the feeling. He felt so docile in the grip of a vampire. “Is this alright?” Atsushi murmured against Akutagawa’s sternum.
Akutagawa let out a stifled grunt as he nodded, still getting used to the pressure inside him. Atsushi rocked against the man below him, sweet-tempered and merciful. He pressed his hand to Akutagawa’s navel, slowly dancing his fingers up beneath the priest’s ruffled white shirt until he was able to take one of Akutagawa’s nipples between them. Atsushi soon found that the more he toyed with the swollen pink nub in his hand, the more abused it began to look; flushed and painful. Everything about the body beneath him was so alive; blue veins revealed themselves beneath pale skin, throbbing against Atsushi’s hand as he trailed it further south. Atsushi wanted to bite .
“Are you crying?” Atsushi asked, suddenly aware of the tears welling up in the priest’s eyes.
“No.” Akutagawa was very clearly crying, breath hitching, and cheeks flushed with more than exertion. Atsushi pulled him as close as he possibly could, thrusting all the way in, and kissed him on the shoulder.
“Lying is a sin, Reverend.” Atsushi’s breath slid hot over Akutagawa’s ear. The priest shuddered, small whimpers escaping his lips.
They fell silent then, chests rising and lowering in sync with each other, and Atsushi slowed his movements. He slipped in and out of Akutagawa in shallow thrusts, keeping their bodies close together. Akutagawa’s head lolled and he blinked wearily, half-watching the rain against the window and the dancing of light across the expansive ceiling.
“You feel so good,” Atsushi gasped, and Akutagawa’s hands found the edge of the stair below him, knuckles white as he gripped the cold step. “So warm and sweet for me,” he said again. Atsushi sat on his knees, pulling Akutagawa further into his lap to get the perfect angle, and God this was a good angle . Akutagawa bit into his lip, tear tracks gleaming on his red cheeks.
Atsushi’s hips began to move at a more eager pace. He slid in and out with ease, relaxed and sloppy inside Akutagawa who could no longer contain his moans. Out of the priest’s mouth began to spill the most unholy of sounds. He arched his back, bucking his hips while mewling with such lewdness beneath a vampire.
The sounds had Atsushi gasping and Akutagawa tightened on him, muscles growing stiff as he cried and shuddered through his climax. That was enough to send Atsushi over the edge. His elbows locked and his nails dug into the marble beneath them. He could feel Akutagawa constricting and relaxing around him while he continued to thrust shallowly, dragging out the aftershocks. Eventually, he did slip out, collapsing on his back beside Akutagawa, both of their chests heaving.
Still, in a post-sex haze, Atsushi propped himself up on his elbow to give Akutagawa a messy kiss. As he did so, he dragged his two forefingers across Akutagawa’s navel, lifting his hand to show Akutagawa the sticky white liquid before giving the tips of his fingers a small kitten-lick, letting Akutagawa’s cum drip from one of his sharp fangs with a smile.
“Gross,” Akutagawa panted with a scowl.
“Liar, everyone finds that hot,” Atsushi countered.
“You’ve done that before ?”
“Okay no I have not but I’ve also never slept with a priest before either so I’m doing a lot of new things today,” Atsushi laughed and then, after a moment spent giving the vampire a half-hearted glare, Akutagawa laughed as well.
“There’s a bathroom with towels.” Akutagawa raised a shaky hand to point in the direction of a dark hallway. Atsushi nodded, caressing Akutagawa’s bare abdomen before standing and slipping his pants and shoes back on. He didn’t speak as he left Akutagawa alone on the steps of the altar in nothing but his ruffled shirt.
He wasn’t quite sure of the reason why, but once the vampire was out of sight, footsteps becoming fainter, Akutagawa felt fresh tears well up in his eyes. He stared with blurred vision at the altar above him, pushing himself to sit upright. His muscles ached and he was thoroughly fucked out but all he could do was cry. Had his feelings for the unusual Nakajima Atsushi been growing longer than he thought? Had he loved a vampire longer than he had lusted for him? Which was the greater sin?
An endless search to feel holy. But then, when he looked at the crucifixion, looming and judgemental, he choked on a sob. Had his relationship with God always been a sadistic distortion of an unknown entity? The hands that reached for him, the voices calling: Apologize! Be saved! Forgive! Forget! Be pure!
They told him God was real. God hated him for what he was but didn’t love him enough to fix him. And he ended up blurring the lines between adoration and abuse; a minuscule difference.
Years ago, when he was taken in, they said to him: “God forgives you. Why do you still care if you have sinned?"
Akutagawa closed his eyes for a moment then he said, “I care if I am guilty.”
No one spoke. Or perhaps the memories were misty. The rain stopped outside. The candles were silent. God was silent.
He laid back down on the altar.
Nakajima Atsushi, the vampire in church, appeared again at the foot of the steps. His eyes were sad, fierce, looking hurt. Akutagawa wondered if Atsushi truly ever came to see him or if he was still just seeking to find the peace he so longed for.
He approached with a solemn expression, kneeling before Akutagawa. With hands too forgiving, Atsushi began to clean between Akutagawa’s legs. The cloth was not soft and felt that with even the slightest bit more pressure would leave burns in its wake. But Atsushi did not apply that bit of pressure, instead he dabbed the cloth tenderly to Akutagawa’s belly while leaving open-mouthed kisses along the priest’s pale inner thighs.
“You’re acting as if you revere me,” Akutagawa said, out of breath.
“That’s the only word that could ever come close to how I feel about you,” came Atsushi’s reply.
“I want to feel holy again,” Akutagawa whispered through his strained voice, watching the lights flicker over the cross nailed to the nearest wall.
“I want to feel human again,” Atsushi whispered back, watching the shadows play on Akutagawa’s pale expanse of skin.
Atsushi settled down next to Akutagawa, reaching out an unassuming hand to wipe away the priest’s stray tears. “It gets you closer to God, to feel pain, right?” he muttered in a weak attempt at comfort.
“There is no God,” Akutagawa said, leaning into the touch. “At least not a loving one. A loving God wouldn’t have let it happen,” his voice broke on his words. “A loving God wouldn’t have just sat back and watched.”
Atsushi waited a moment. He studied Akutagawa with soft eyes and returned his hands to his lap. “Whether or not there is a God is not important. The blood on your hands is drying. Mine is not. I was born wrong. I am dark inside. I will never be forgiven.” Atsushi gave Akutagawa a weak smile, fangs hidden beneath swollen lips. “You need not be clean to be good. I am full of suicides and bleed infection in my bones. I am dead, though I do not die. And all I can hope is to be good and maybe we should be better but we’re not.”
“Maybe we should be better but we’re not,” Akutagawa repeated quietly.
Atsushi pulled Akutagawa into a loose embrace. The priest's head rested on his chest, listening to the silence that a heartbeat should have filled. Akutagawa pulled Atsushi down by the neck to connect their lips once more in a kiss with all lust drained from it; replaced by the hollow longing they felt for each other.
When they broke apart, Atsushi interlocked their fingers and with a hand atop Akutagawa’s heart, said, “And maybe in another universe, I love you and no one dies. I love you and no one dies. I love you and that’s the whole story.”