Chapter Text
TRIS
I couldn’t sleep, I’d been on edge for days. I knew initiation was going to be brutal, but I hadn’t expected another initiate to get stabbed in the eye, and now, with how good my times were with the fear sims… I was already slightly paranoid that someone would find out about my divergence, even if Tori mentioned that it definitely wasn’t as big a deal as it had been in the past, and now I had to worry about getting attacked because I was getting up the ranking. Fantastic.
I couldn’t help but think that Peter, Drew and Molly were probably behind it all, they were bullies and I wouldn’t put it past any of them to do something that cowardly. Although now that I was thinking about it… Peter’s a dick, but so far he wasn’t proving to be a coward… Something didn’t track. It bothered me that no one knew what happened, was there even an investigation going on? The compound was supposed to be bursting with cameras how could no one have seen anything?
Well, it looked like sleep wasn’t happening tonight and if that’s the case, I might as well get up, maybe go training. Was that allowed at night? Eh, worse comes to worst I can hang out in the Pit, most places are open all night to accommodate shift workers.
Quietly, so as to not wake up my dorm mates, I put on a pair of black leggings, a black tank top and my combat boots. I definitely needed to buy more clothes, most of the clothes I had don’t fit anymore and I have no desire to have another run-in with Molly and her douche squad. Crazy how fast gruelling training and proper nutrition could fill a girl out, at least I don’t look like an underfed child anymore, and I’m getting stronger.
I ended up on the path to the Chasm, walking somewhat mindlessly around when I heard footsteps coming up behind me. Chances were that it was probably just other members going about their night but my gut told me to pick up the pace.
I was just reaching the Chasm when someone grabbed my ponytail from behind and threw me on the floor. My head banged hard on the dirt path and I instantly got dizzy. I tried to thrash around to out-maneuver my opponent but they weren’t alone. I couldn’t help the scream that tore out of me when the other two attackers immobilized me and the one sitting on top of my thighs slapped me across the face. All three of them were wearing some kind of winter face mask, they better hope I wouldn’t recognize them.
‘’Shut up, bitch!’’ I froze. That voice… What. The. Actual. Fuck?
I’d been expecting Peter. My attacker took the opportunity, while I was frozen in shock, to start moving my tank top upwards. Oh hell no! I started thrashing around again, trying to dislodge him but with my legs and arms trapped, I wasn’t getting anywhere.
‘’What are you doing? I thought we were supposed to dangle her over the Chasm and scare the shit out of her’’ I turned my head towards the voice, so Molly was one of the attackers and apparently, their plan was going off the rails. I wished I’d beaten her up even more, clearly I didn’t make myself clear when I did…
‘’Yeah man, what the fuck?’’ Drew. Interesting.
‘’You’ve been teasing me for weeks Tris, thought I was so weak and pitiful? Thought I was just this fucking pussy who would follow you around? That I needed your help? Didn’t think I’d take what I want from you? You’re just a fucking Stiff thinking she’s better than me. We’ll see about that…’’
Before I could even formulate an answer to his insane rant, he brought a knife to my tank top and sliced it off my body, exposing my bra and my whole torso. I tried to scream again but he quickly put a hand on my mouth. Molly and Drew didn’t seem on board with whatever the fuck was happening. To be fair, I did think all of those things about Al and he definitely wasn’t proving me wrong. Fucker.
‘’We’ll see what’s got everyone hot and bothered about you bitch. Think no one noticed how Four looks at you? Peter? You’re mine and I’m gonna prove it.’’ Molly and Drew were arguing with him now, evidently not on board with rape. Good for them, coward psychos, but with morals. Lovely.
I could feel tears running down my face, which pissed me off even more. I closed my eyes to try and stop them and before Al could bring the knife down again I heard a horrible cracking noise and the weight was lifted off my body.
My eyes shot open just in time to see Drew and Molly run away while Eric, of all people, was beating the shit out of Al.
I stumbled to my feet, hanging on to the railing for support. I knew that I needed to stop Eric, it wouldn’t do for a leader to kill an initiate, no matter how deserved. Besides, if he died, they couldn’t question him and I was starting to suspect that Peter hadn’t been the one to stab Edward after all.
‘’Eric! ERIC! You need to stop before you kill him… You can’t get information out of a corpse.’’ Damn, I was out of breath. My head was throbbing, I could have a concussion, and I was definitely gonna have a significant bump.
My words seemed to bring Eric out of his trance. Locking eyes with me, he took his comms device and requested security to come out to the Chasm to collect someone for detention. He never took his eyes away from me in the minutes it took for security to come and collect the currently unconscious Al and bring him to lockup. I wasn’t sure if he was looking for injuries or watching me so I wouldn’t take off. Once they were gone, dragging Al none too gently, Eric approached me slowly. He made sure to keep his hands visible as he came closer.
‘’Are you okay? Tris, do you need to go to medical?’’ His voice was oddly soft.
‘’I don’t think so? I might have a concussion but there’s nothing they can do about that I think…’’
‘’Not really, just time… You need to stay awake for a couple of hours though, just in case. Can someone in the dorm do that?’’
At this point, I’m not exactly sure who I could actually trust anymore. Al just attacked me, in the worst possible way… Who’s to say he was the only one who was only pretending to be my friend? I had noticed that my friends started distancing themselves since we started stage 2… I shrugged, ‘’Not really…’’
‘’Okay… okay, follow me.’’ Eric made sure to walk half a step in front of me. Close enough to help should I need it, but always visible so I wouldn’t freak out. Not that I would, well, I didn’t think so anyway. I wondered how many similar incidents he had to witness to know what to do… It wasn’t a reassuring thought. We walked through half the compound before reaching the Pire. Eric brought me to the elevator and pushed the button for the 7th floor. I was lost in thoughts enough that I didn’t really notice where we were going until we reached the door. Eric’s apartment.
‘’It seemed the most convenient place… That way you can shower in a private bathroom then I can make sure you don’t fall asleep right away. If you prefer the infirmary though I can bring you there.’’ He looked a little uncertain, which was a weird contrast compared to how self-assured he usually was.
I absently nodded and walked inside when he opened the door. I wasn’t sure how I was feeling. What I did know was that my head hurt like a bitch and I felt disgusting. I could hear Eric talk as he walked ahead to the bathroom and explained how to use to shower and where towels were, but it was almost like being underwater. Everything was muffled, and numb. Maybe I was more shaken up than I previously thought. With a concerned look, Eric told me he was gonna be in the living room and to yell if I needed anything.
Once alone, I walked over to the bathroom sink. A mirror was hanging above it and I took myself in. My hair was a right mess, my eyes were red and tears had dried up on my cheeks. One cheek was bright red where Al slapped me, that might bruise in a few hours. The more I looked at my reflection, the angrier I got. I’m Dauntless. I’m learning to fight. How the fuck was I supposed to protect the innocent if I couldn’t even protect myself? I would need to seriously step up my physical training in my spare time. Fucking Al, of all people, managed to take me down…
I stepped into the shower and angrily scrubbed myself raw. Al had tried to take something that was mine to give. Like I would ever want a coward like him. He was weak. Always crying at night, attacking me three-on-one… Maybe stabbing Edward in the cover of the night. He wasn’t Dauntless, he was nothing. I made a mental note to ask Eric about what punishments are usually used in Dauntless. There was no way I was gonna let him get away with this.
I had to open a few cupboards before I found the towels that Eric mentioned. I dried myself off quickly and then realized that my tank top had been cut off. My undies and bra were still clean enough so I was able to put those on but my leggings were filthy from being dragged on the path. I moved towards the door and called out for Eric.
‘’Yeah?’’ the response had been almost instantaneous
‘’My clothes… Well, my top is shredded and my leggings are disgusting… Could I borrow something?’’ I refused to be embarrassed. Eric had seen me half naked already, he knew. Damn, the security guys did too… not to mention everyone in the control room. Well, that was just great. I wasn’t ashamed of my body or anything, Abnegation wasn’t quite as repressed and clueless as people enjoyed to think, but I’d rather only the people I choose see it… We were still taught to respect ourselves enough to only let our chosen people see and touch us. Al definitely didn’t fit any of those criteria. Not by far.
Eric’s voice reached me through the door,
‘’I already put a sweater down by the door, I’ll try to find you some pants or something.’’
I heard his footsteps retreat and I quickly opened the door to retrieve the sweater. I couldn’t help but inhale the scent as I pulled it on. It smelled like Eric. Masculine, with a hint of something I couldn’t place, probably his laundry soap or maybe even cologne. Since it came down to my thighs, I figured that it was okay to leave the bathroom, I’d seen women wearing much less around the compound. I gathered up my clothes, as well as the used towel, and opened the door.
I ran face first into Eric’s strong chest, his hand shot up immediately to steady me, grabbing my waist. Should I be panicking? Maybe? All I could feel was the heat from his hand. After a beat, I raised my eyes to meet Eric’s, his gaze was intense, I wouldn’t know how to describe it… or how it made me feel for that matter. I stepped back slightly and cleared my throat,
‘’Um, can I borrow your washing machine? I’m sorry I’m being such a pain…’’
‘’Here, give me your stuff’’ Eric pushed a pair of sweatpants in my hands before grabbing the pile of clothes I was holding. ‘’I’ll run your leggings through but I think your top is good for the trash…’’
I nodded and watched the ruthless leader throw the remnants of my tank top in the bin before putting the towel and leggings in a small washing machine sitting in an alcove right in the hall. I was still clutching the pants to my chest and it was only when the washer’s door closed with a loud noise that I startled myself and quickly put on the sweatpants. Well, this was not gonna work, the pants were so big that even with the drawstring tightened to the max they kept falling down. Sighing, I pulled them off. The sweater was long enough that I didn’t actually need them. I could make do until my pants were clean.
Eric had stood watching me silently during the whole pants fiasco, which should have made me self-conscious or even scared after the night’s event, yet somehow, it didn’t. As strict as he was, I’d always felt safe around Eric, from the first time I saw him, or well, oggled him really, on the roof. Even during knife throwing - and boy did I regret helping Al, the coward had it coming - or when he hung Chris off the railing. I understood the lessons he was teaching, and while I didn’t necessarily love the methods, I could admit to myself they were effective and that our safety had never been compromised, no matter how it looked. Wordlessly, I held the pants back to him and he quickly stepped inside what I assumed what his bedroom to put them away. I was pretty certain he was holding in a laugh…
Now what? I highly doubted that many people came to Eric’s apartment, especially not initiates… I decided to look around a bit and walked into a sparse-looking living room, without much decor. He had a knife-throwing target on one wall, as many Dauntless members did I presumed. His couch was black leather and looked quite comfortable. The only surprising element was a bookshelf, filled to the brim with books. I approached the shelves and ran my fingers down the spines of the books. We hadn’t been allowed to read for fun back in Abnegation, it was considered selfish since we could have used that time to help around.
Feeling warmth at my back I dropped my hand. Eric’s large hand came around me to pick up a book. He tugged at my waist while retreating to the couch and so I followed him. He sat down on one end of the couch. He patted the couch next to him while looking at me. Okay then. Slowly, I sat down on the other end of the couch, making sure to leave some space between us. I curled up my bare legs under myself, feeling the cool leather on my skin and looked expectantly at Eric.
Eric held my stare for a moment before opening the book in his lap. Without looking at me he asked if I was alright.
‘’Yeah, I think so. My head still hurts but otherwise, I think I’m fine…’’ then after a beat, I added, ‘’Thank you. For being there and helping me… and for being so nice right now. I really appreciate it.’’
‘’Al is lucky to be alive… Cowards like him have no place in Dauntless. I’ll be questioning him in the morning with the rest of the leadership.’’ Eric looked every bit like the ruthless leader he was. Good. Seeing him as anything else was a little unsettling.
‘’What’s gonna happen to him?’’ I didn’t want Al to get away with this and if Eric’s cold smirk was anything to go by, I didn’t think he would.
‘’That’s gonna depend on what he says. Drew and Molly will probably be allowed to complete initiation, though at the rate they’re going, I doubt they’ll make it.’’
I nodded, which sent a blast of pain through my skull. God my head was still killing me. Eric was on me the second I winced.
His fingers gently probed my head. I couldn’t understand the somersaults my stomach was doing. I mean, I wasn’t blind, I knew exactly how attractive Eric was, how could I not? He was the epitome of a Dauntless male. Strong, handsome… dangerous. I could feel his breath on my face when he asked if I wanted painkillers. Fuck.
I cleared my throat before answering that yes, I would very much love some painkillers. Eric’s fingers trailed down my head down to my shoulder when he got up. I couldn’t help looking at him as he moved to go get the painkillers. He was everything a man should be… and also a leader and I was an initiate, I needed to get a grip. Soon enough, he came back with pills and a glass of water. He watched as I drank the whole glass, following his instructions.
Eric gently took the glass from my hand, slightly brushing my fingers. He went and filled it up again before telling me to keep drinking while he went and switched the laundry. After a few sips, Eric was back and I asked him if he thought that Al had been the one to stab Edward.
Eric took a second to think about it. I appreciated him taking the time to consider my question properly. It made me feel heard, something else that wasn’t much of a thing growing up.
‘’Maybe, we’ll definitely question him about it. Max was requesting clearance from Candor to use truth serum, not sure yet if it was approved. I do know that we’ll be dealing with him under Dauntless Law, not Candor’s.’’
‘’Dauntless Law? Is it different?’’
‘’Yeah, it is. Because we’re trusted to protect the City and everyone inside of it, crimes like these are treated in a much harsher way. Attempted rape, that’s definitely exile, especially if we present the recorded evidence, and there are quite a few cameras at the Chasm. A lot of people choose death instead of exile… but Al, if he also stabbed another initiate? Well, he’s not going to get a choice.’’
‘’Good.’’ I didn’t know if feeling vindicated and pleased with someone else’s possible demise was a good thing. Probably not. My parents would be mortified to hear that I was thinking such selfish and unkind things, but I wasn’t my parents. I wasn’t abnegation, I never really had been. The aptitude test could say whatever it wanted, I was exactly where I was supposed to be.
Eric was looking at me oddly like he couldn’t believe the little Stiff was quite so ruthless. I held his gaze, refusing to be ashamed. If anyone could understand, it would be Eric. I’m not weak. I’m not a coward. I’m gonna get even stronger and no one was going to be able to make me feel powerless ever again. After a few moments, Eric just nodded and opened his book again. I wasn’t sure what to do until he put his arm on the backrest of the couch and gestured for me to come closer.
I knew that I probably shouldn’t cuddle up to Eric. He was a leader and I was still an initiate, hence the aforementioned need to get a grip, but as angry as the attack made me, I guess it also rattled me a bit and I craved the safety that I knew Eric could provide. In the end, I decided to not overthink anything and I shuffled on the couch into his embrace. I rested my head on his chest and read the book at the same time he was. Every couple of pages, he’d make sure that I was still awake and drinking some water. It felt like nice to be taken care of. Even as a child, abnegation wasn’t big on physical contact and codling, I couldn’t remember ever feeling this safe.
Honestly, it was pure insanity. I didn’t even know Eric all that well, he was my instructor, an actual leader of the faction. How on Earth was I so comfortable around him? Was it because he helped me during a traumatic event? I was pretty sure that I read something about that a few years back.
I tried to go back to reading but my head was slightly throbbing again and I was beyond tired. It must have been long past midnight by now and with the adrenaline gone, I was exhausted.
‘’Do you think I can sleep now? Has it been long enough?’’
Eric closed his book and moved around to face me. He carefully looked at my eyes, asking me to look up and down, follow a finger…
‘’Your pupils look alright, it’s probably safe to sleep. You can take my bed, I’ll sleep here on the couch. Come on, I’ll set you up.’’
He rose from the couch and took my hand in his, guiding me to the bedroom. His hand engulfed mine, it was warm and again, oddly comforting. Don’t overthink, don’t overthink. Like the living room, it was pretty bare. A large bed with black bedding was pushed into the back corner. A plywood side table and dresser were the only other pieces of furniture. I watched while he opened up the blankets before leaving to get the glass of water. I was still standing beside the bed when he returned and put the glass on the nightstand.
‘’Come on, you need to rest. You still have more fear sims to go through tomorrow.’’ Eric watched as I crawled into bed. ‘’I’ll be in the living room in you need anything’’. Before he could leave the room, I knew she had to speak up. I didn’t think I’d be able to fall asleep alone and as pathetic as that made me feel, I really needed the rest.
‘’Can you stay? I don’t think I can sleep alone. I… um… I never did. I shared a room with my brother before coming here and then I shared a dorm.’’ When Eric didn’t move I realized how inappropriate the request was, no matter how nice he’d been. ‘’Actually forget that, it’s super inappropriate, I’m sorry.’’
Eric seemed to consider my request for a moment then shrugged. ‘’Move over and make room’’ was all he said before he climbed into bed with me. I shuffled until I was literally touching the wall with my back. Enclosed between the wall and Eric’s massive body, I felt safe. Safe, and very tired. I mumbled a ‘’Good Night’’ to Eric before falling asleep. I was asleep as soon as my head touched the pillow.
-
I couldn’t remember ever feeling quite so content. The first few seconds when I woke up, warm and safe… and then I felt my bruises. I remembered the attack from the previous night. The memory made me shudder, despite the overwhelming warmth. I felt an arm tighten around my midsection and was brought closer to the body providing the unending heat. Eric.
Everything came back to me really fast. Getting attacked by Al of all people, Eric finding me, Al being in custody, Eric going to question him today… I really hoped they were going to find out exactly how cowardly Al really is, and that he would pay. If that made me a bad person, well I didn’t especially care.
More urgently, I really needed to pee and as comfortable as I somehow felt pressed against Eric, I couldn’t be sure that he would feel the same way. Most likely, he instinctively searched for warmth while asleep and would not be pleased to wake up cuddling an initiate. I mentally debated the best course of action. Trying to extricate myself without waking him probably wouldn’t work, and would probably be the most embarrassing. Getting up and pretending that nothing is amiss was probably also a bad idea, Eric wouldn’t fall for that. No, my best bet was to wait for him to wake up while pretending to be asleep. Considering that I really needed the bathroom, I might have to subtly wake him up myself, I also had no idea what time it was and I couldn’t afford to be late for training.
I was still trying to think of the best way to wake him up when I involuntarily wiggled to try to control my bladder. I felt Eric stiffen behind me. He was awake. I took care of keeping my breathing deep and even, pretending to still be asleep. I wasn’t sure what I expected to happen exactly, I thought he would quickly retreat and get up. I certainly hadn’t expected him to tug me even closer and breathe in deeply, his face buried in my hair. I really hadn’t expected my body to react to him either and yet, heat pooled down between my legs and I barely repressed a moan. Perhaps he wasn’t awake yet.
I had almost managed to convince myself that Eric was still asleep when I heard him whisper ‘’soon’’ in a sleep thick voice before he finally moved and got up from the bed. I heard the shower start, which did absolutely nothing to help me forget about my very full bladder. Thankfully, I didn’t have to wait long before the door to the bedroom opened again and I could pretend to be woken up by the noise.
I opened her eyes to a towel-clad Eric digging through his dresser. For a beat, I was frozen, looking at his body. He had a lot more tattoos than I realized, his whole back was covered by a huge ornamented tiger. I shook my head quickly, it wouldn’t do for Eric to turn around and find me staring, so I yawned loudly while sitting up. Eric turned around and I had to exert significant self-control to keep my jaw from hitting the floor. He looked so strong. Massive and with the vague outline of abs… he had Dauntless flames tattooed on his ribs, I’m thinking of the flames on my shoulder and I have to admit that his own are far more impressive.
‘’You’re up. How are you feeling? Any pain?’’ He was looking for signs of discomfort.
‘’My head still hurts a bit and I’m kinda sore but otherwise, I’m alright. Nothing worse than after any fight.’’
‘’That’s good. It’s still early, I’ll grab your pants from the wash and you have plenty of time to go to breakfast.’’ He seemed to consider me for a moment, ‘’my advice? Don’t show anyone how it affected you. Your face is bruised so people might ask, but you don’t want to show any weakness. That fucker will be dealt with and the other two will probably fail initiation anyway. Not that you can’t handle yourself against Molly,’’ he finished with a smirk and then left to get my pants. I used this time wisely and all but ran to the bathroom. After taking care of business, I stole a bit of toothpaste from Eric and brushed my teeth with my finger and washed my hands. It would have to do for this morning. I untangled my hair as much as possible with my fingers and decided that it was as good as it would get for today.
Walking back to the living room, I remembered the fight that Eric mentioned. Beating Molly had felt so good. I felt my strongest after that fight and even though Four somehow tried to make me feel bad about it, I didn’t. That’s what I signed up for, something that Eric clearly understood. Sometimes shit needs to be dealt with, and sometimes the way to do it was the beat the crap out of someone. Clearly, Molly hadn’t learned her lesson. She wouldn’t get another chance to test me, I’d make sure of that.
Eric was back in seconds and threw my leggings at me. I managed to catch them, noting a twinge in my shoulder. I rolled my shoulder a couple of times before putting them on, feeling Eric’s eyes on me. Once again, it struck me that I really should be feeling some sort of self-consciousness around Eric. Do not overthink this!
‘’Do you mind if I borrow your sweater a bit longer? I’ll wash it before I return it’’
‘’Sure, no worries’’ Eric shrugged. Uh. Alright then.
‘’Well I better go down for breakfast, are you going straight to interrogate Al?’’ I wondered if he’d let me know what happened. Maybe, I was the victim after all.
‘’I gotta get to the office first to see Max and Ronnie. Probably will grab a coffee down in the cafeteria first too.’’
‘’Do you need some kind of testimony from me or something?’’
Eric seemed to think on it, ‘’Maybe, it’ll depend on what we get out of him, I think. I’ll let you know. Do you know the way to the cafeteria from here?’’
I smiled at him ‘’I do. Thanks again for letting me stay here and taking care of me last night. I really do appreciate it.’’
Eric nodded once, ‘’No problem… Be careful’’ and with that, Eric half-heartedly waved before going back to his bedroom.
I pulled on my boots quickly and made my way out and to the cafeteria.