Chapter Text
ADA - Attention Deficient Assholes
Kunikida: Where the FUCK is Dazai's scrawny ass
Kenji: Bad word :o
Kyoka: Shut up.
Ranpo: probably with his boyfriend
Atsushi: dazai has a boyfriend??
Tanizaki: he's GAY???
Naomi: duh
Yosano: strong bi vibes
Dazai: guyssss :(
Kunikida: WHY ARE YOU NOT AT THIS MEETING, FUKUZAWA IS ON MY ASS
Dazai: funny story that
Kunikida: Dazai I swear to God you will not live to die
Dazai: well! i was taking a stroll with my ARCH ENEMY NOT BOYFRIEND and he shoved me in the river and i kinda let the current whisk me away
Haruno: Do you need me to track your phone so we can find you? :)
Tanizaki: you can do that?
Haruno: :) I know your secrets
Tanizaki: Don't do it
Ranpo: HOT GOSS HOT GOSS
Yosano: ew don't say goss
Ranpo: goss
Yosano: STOP
Dazai: GUYS I'M SCARED
Yosano: stay scared
Ranpo: girlboss gatekeep gaslight
Atsushi: guys this is serious we could lose dazai!!
Kunikida: Please God listen to my prayers
Dazai: never mind guys tachihara found me! :D
Kunikida: God you have failed me once again
Fukuzawa: You're in big trouble Dazai.
Dazai: nvm staying at the port mafia guys this is my villain arc
Port Mafia babessss xoxo
Chuuya: i need some aspirin
Tachihara: join the club, your boyfriend won't stop talking
Chuuya: HE IS NOT MY FUCKING BOYFRIEND
Tachihara: husband then idc
Akutagawa: don't speak lowly of dazai
Gin: Shut up bro you simp
Kouyou: don't simp for a taken man
Chuuya: HES NOT MY MAN I LITERALLY PUSHED HIM INTO A RIVER
Elise: the river of love
Chuuya: PIPE DOWN PIPSQUEAK
Higuchi: HOW DARE YOU
Chuuya: i'm not even apologising
Elise: i can get you fired
Hirotsu: Then he can be with his lover in the ADA
Chuuya: i swear to GOD i WILL drink rats poison so you rodents will leave me ALONE
Tachihara: ouch that hurt my feewings
Chuuya: i will slit your throat
Tachihara: save it for dazai loverboy
Tachihara: WHO btw is trying to kill himself again please just take him
Chuuya: fucks sake