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The glass that he was holding was filled to the brim with vodka. It felt so heavy in his hand that he was afraid he would lose his grip, and it would shatter on the floor.
He didn't even know why he agreed to go to Edens with his friends.
Were they even his friends?
It was a question he asked himself a lot these days because for some reason they couldn't understand Kevin's grieve.
It confused him. Why was Aaron's, Andrews and Neil's grieve understandable but his was unacceptable and a problem.
Why were the feelings he felt a disaster?
He knew that Riko destroyed his hand and took his brotherly love with it down, but that doesn't mean that all the years before the accident happened didn't existed.
Of course the years before that weren't perfect, but there were something. Something that he could handle and something he adored at some point in his life.
He had to live with it so of course he learned to adore it.
So Kevin felt like dying right now.
The club was way too loud and every time his mind slip into another reality one of his friends were shoving another vodka shot into his hands.
They didn't care that he tried to get sober before Riko's death. They all ruined it because it was easy to deal with Kevin when he was drunk.
He liked himself so much more than he was drunk. So he understood that the others didn't like him sober.
But it still hurt.
Shouldn't friends care for each other.
Shouldn't he be allowed to talk about his nightmares?
So why was no one reaching out for him.
"Kevin" He heard Aaron call out for him and without a second thought he was drinking his vodka down.
He felt like dying. But maybe it was okay for him to die.
If he was dead he could lie next to the only person who could ever love him.
Riko and Him.
Brothers and friends.
Kevin was pretty sure they were soulmates even when everyone else would tell him that Riko was more like a disease.
He couldn't forget Riko.
They were meant for each other.
And maybe Kevin deserved to lie six feet down next to him.
His eyes wandered around. Catching Neil and Andrew sitting in front of him staying in their own little world.
He was jealous. Maybe it was the reason that everyone else in his life had someone to rely on and the only person who was there for him was dead.
Maybe he also knew that no one would save him.
Suddenly Nicky was in his vision. Kevin saw how his lips moved, but he couldn't hear a word. Instead, he turned away from him and staring at his empty glass again.
After some seconds Nicky must have realized that Kevin wasn't listening and began to talk to Andrew and Neil.
He wanted to go away.
Far away.
The club was still too loud, and it made him nervous.
"I want to go home"
He didn't say it to anyone special just throwing it in the group but for some reason everyone was looking at him.
He felt unwelcomed.
He heard someone say that they arrived less than an hour ago, and it would be too early to go home now.
He ignored it.
Instead, he was standing up went down the stairs. Still with the empty glass in his hand
He was fighting his way around the dancing people.
He needed to get out.
Maybe he could call a taxi to drive him back to the foxes houses or to Andrews family house.
Maybe he could call a taxi and drive to Riko's grave.
He could lie right next to him talking to him like it was the good old days.
Riko was right Kevin was nothing without him.
When he finally reached the door which let him outside he felt like he couldn't breathe.
He pushed the door open leaving the happy people behind and stepped into the cold midnight air.
After he went some steps closer to street he stopped and began to stare at the sky.
The stars were shining bright today.
The weather didn't fit his mood, but it wasn't really important. Instead, he began to look around to find a taxi.
But before he could make another steps he felt a hand lying suddenly on his shoulder and he could hear Neil saying that there going home.
At this point he began to hate Neil.
Neil took Andrew away from him.
Neil took Riko away from him.
And he began to hate himself for thinking like that. So he didn't start a discussion and walked after the others to Andrews car.
He left his heavy heart in the middle of the street behind.
Lying forgotten on the floor with Riko.
Because while Riko's Heart would never ever come back to life his were still in his chest moving blood through his body keeping himself alive and the only thing he could pay Riko back was burying all his stupid feeling six feet down.
The glass he was still holding felt now empty like himself.
He took it with him like a Souvenir.
It was kinda sick in a weird way.
The glass was for some reason the only thing that could understand his grieving.
He missed his childhood friend.
Their childhood memories.
Their nights together.
The way their played exy.
How Riko would teach him to survive outside and inside the court.
Riko.
A friend and a brother.
And Kevin didn't even visit his funeral.
He was a terrible friend.
And a much worse brother.
Riko didn't deserve him.