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The marauders' dorm was unnaturally silent.
Even though Remus was the cause of this silence, having told the boys they needed an emergency meeting at midnight that very night, no cat. (“No cat” was their special phrase to ensure only the most serious of conversations or topics were about to go down. These conversations were for no jokes, not even the Sirius ponds they all (read: everyone but Remus) were so fond of).
That didn’t mean Remus was unaffected by the absence of their dorm's usual cheer and good nature, however.
Remus waited with bated breath, watching the clock slowly tick closer to midnight. Perhaps it was unnecessary to wait a few extra minutes, not like it would change any outcomes other than allowing for less extra silence. Yet Remus couldn’t help but attempt to avoid the inevitable for as long as possible.
A Hippogriffs screech marked the turn of the hour and the dorm somehow managed to become even quieter than before. Remus let out a shaky sigh, inwardly grimacing at how harsh it felt in the cautious air. Right. Well. It was inevitable.
“You’re probably wondering why I gathered you here today,” Remus started. Silence. All the boys were giving him their full undivided attention. Even Sirius didn't seem tempted to make a joke about how Remus was speaking like he was announcing a funeral, his go-to way to get Remus to lighten up. It was unnerving, but exactly what Remus needed.
“I haven’t been… completely honest with you guys.” Remus stopped to swallow the lump forming in his throat. It was hitting him, all over again, how much he would be losing by the end of this conversation. Remus had never really clicked with people as he clicked with the marauders. They matched his soul, unlike anything he had ever felt before. Yet all of this would be torn away from him with just a few words, a truth they were deserving to know, a truth Remus has lived with since he was only 4 years old.
“There’s a whole story behind it, but that doesn’t really matter now. What does is that I’m not who you think I am.” At this point, Remus closed his eyes, and let the words loose, all in a rush. “When I was four years old, a m-man-ish by the name of Fenrir Greyback took revenge on my father through me. Greyback wasn’t a man, not completely. He was a werewolf. He turned me into one as well on my birthday which just so happened to be a full moon. I’ve been a werewolf ever since, yet somehow Dumbledore still allowed me into Hogwarts and let me room with you all, and I’m… I’m so sorry I lied to you for so long.”
Remus squeezed his eyes shut even harder as he finished his spiel. This was it. The moment he knew was coming as soon as he boarded the train to Hogwarts. He had always been waiting for the other shoe to drop. He was just hoping it would hurt as badly as it already was starting to.
He tried to ignore the heartbeats of the boys, his roommates, his best friends. Tried to ignore every sound of them shuffling, louder than ever thanks to his advanced hearing and the unnatural silence of the room, as they processed what he said.
Any second now they would kick him out. They’d exclaim their disgust, their horror at sharing a room with some foul beast. And really, what had Hogwarts been thinking, pairing a half-breed like him with three purebloods, as good hearted as they were? It was always going to end badly, wasn't it? Just Remus’ fate. Remus bet whoever was in control of everything got a big laugh over giving him the name Wolf McWolf and having his namesake be the reason for every frequent downfall in his life.
Just as the prolonged silence was reaching the point where Remus was weighing the pros and cons of just opening his eyes, he heard a shaky sigh be released. Sirius, his senses whispered. He always was better at detecting which movements were Sirius’, out of the three of them.
“Oh thank fuck,” Sirius exhaled with, what Remus could hardly believe, clear relief in his voice.
This admission completely shocked Remus into opening his eyes and taking in the scene before him. Sirius was grinning almost manically on his bed while James had a look of righteousness and confusion on his face, his eyes glancing wildly from Sirius to Remus and back again, while Peter simply looked to be in a deep set of confusion, staring blankly at the ground.
“What?” Remus breathily asked. His brain could barely process that the three boys hadn't taken to immediately hexing him into leaving, let alone Sirius’ confusing words.
“Remus, that is the best news I have heard.” Sirius beamed before a frown quickly took over his face. “Wait. That came out wrong. Sorry, some piece of shit werewolf took a chunk out of you because he was too cowardly to actually go after your father, that's quite shit if I’m being honest and you definitely don't deserve that, nor should you ever feel bad about that seeing as it was completely out of your control. But you have no idea how, how, how well this works out for me, as fucked as that sounds right now.”
James was nodding along to Sirius’ words as Remus struggled to process, well, all of that if he’s being completely honest. “Yeah, I completely agree with Sirius with that one part, mate. It’s not your fault some arsehole used an innocent child to harm a full-fledged adult, don’t feel shame for something some bloody nutcracker turned you into. But, and sorry Remus for hijacking your moment, Sirius, mate, I’m gonna need you to explain yourself a bit more.”
James' words were also a lot to process for Remus' brain. This conversation was going in a completely different direction than Remus expected. A far more positive direction, yes, but unexpected and unprepared for nonetheless. As ducked as it is, Remus never expected anyone to just, understand how helpless he was with his werewolf position and to not hold it against him, not even his own parents. Lyall was too overwhelmed with guilt whenever he saw a hint of Remus’ wolfy side and Hope could barely fathom the inner workings of magic on a good day, could hardly deal with seeing her precious child turned into a monster every month because of some magic infection that no magic could cure. Maybe it was just the fact that his friends had never seen Remus at his worst, as an actual werewolf, or getting there by clawing his own skin off. (Remus hoped, somewhat selfishly, that they never would). Nonetheless, it was hard to process feeling so… accepted.
Rather than showing the rather complicated feelings and thoughts warring in his brain (along with the paranoia that Peter’s silence implied he really wasn't okay with Remus and was waiting for the right time to say so) Remus decided to go with the obvious but appreciated focus shift to Sirius. “No need to apologize, James, I would also like to understand Sirius’ thought process, if he has one.”
Remus shared a quick smile with James at that and felt a little part of his heart unclench at the solid proof that James didn’t completely despise Remus now.
Sirius huffed but wisely decided to not test his limits with Remus and instead explain himself more. “Well, you see, you know my little brother Regulus?” The marauders nodded hesitantly, not quite sure where Sirius was going with this. A flash of nerves crossed Sirius’ face briefly before he powered on in that overly confident way of his. “Well, thanks to my dear ol crazy witch of a mother, Regulus was bitten by a werewolf last Yule.”
Silence blinked back at Sirius. What?
Sirius cleared his throat in an unusual show of anxiety. “Er, well, it was partially my fault with the whole being sorted into Gryffindor thing and assuming I was untouchable from her wrath while here. Mother didn’t like my tour with independence at all and since she knows Reggie matters to me and in her eyes, he’s always been the spare, she decided my punishment was to watch my brother get turned into a werewolf and then try and claw himself apart through the pain of transformation along with the whole ‘knowing he’s going through all that alone while I’m here until the end of the term’ thing, so yeah. Reggie’s a werewolf. But hey, you have a werewolf buddy now, Remus! Maybe you guys can become some sort of pack or something?”
The rest of the marauders were staring at Remus in differing shades of horror. Huh, Remus faintly thought, he had just gotten out-traumed at his own trauma party. Damn.
Remus cleared his throat. “Yeah. I mean, I haven't had many experiences with other wolves but yeah. That's, um, certainly a possibility for when Regulus gets here.”
Silence, once more.
Peter, surprisingly, was the one to break it.
“Well, this has been enlightening lads,” He started, slapping his knees and standing up from his position on the floor. “I’m gonna go lie in my bed and try to process… all of that. Remus, you're not a bad person for being a werewolf, honestly kinda cool if you forget the whole ‘against your will’ and ‘very painful’ parts. Sirius… I'm not quite sure what else I expected from the House of Black but, keep supporting your brother I guess. James, do you have any werewolf-related secrets?” At James' silent shake of the head, Peter nodded. “Great. Me neither. Welp, off to bed, I hope this makes better sense in the morning boys.” And a woosh Peters bed curtains closed around him, marking the end of that conversation.
James stared blankly at Peter's bed, before shaking himself out of it and climbing up further on his own bed. “I think Peter’s got the right idea mates. Goodnight!” Another woosh accompanied James’ curtains whisking shut.
And then there were two. Remus and Sirius stared at each other for several seconds of silence before completely breaking down in laughter. It was the hysterical kind, where you can't even look at each other without falling into another round of breath-stealing joyous raucous. Remus never envisioned this when he thought about how the talk would go. He doesn't think he’d prefer it any other way.
When they finally managed to stop laughing, they fell into a once more comfortable silence, broken up by Peter's snores.
“I guess we better be off to bed, huh?” Remus asked. He was supposed to be the more responsible of the two, anyway.
“Yeah, I guess so.” They both silently made their way into bed, yet neither closed their curtain just yet even as all lights were shut off and they both were laying tucked underneath covers. They stared into the darkness of the room, illuminated only by the muggle glow in the dark stars Remus had brought back with him after Christmas break that Sirius insisted he arrange into constellations, specifically the Leo and Canis Major ones.
“Hey, Remus?” Sirius whispered into the darkness.
Remus hummed softly in reply.
“You’re still the same you. Werewolf or not, you're still m- our Remus. You’re stuck with us forever, got it?”
Remus felt the lump returning to his throat, this time for an entirely different reason. “Thank you, Sirius,” he managed to choke out a few moments later.
Comfortable silence enveloped them once more, as they made their way to sleep. Remus’ last thoughts were of how lucky he was to be able to dorm with such amazing friends and people. And how he really wouldn’t mind a werewolf companion.