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“I miss kissing,” Buck says, staring at the screen where the star-crossed lovers have just reunited and are showing their joy by making out in the middle of a farmer’s market. He sounds wistful, and his eyes are bright and shiny in the light from the TV.
“But you’ve been going on dates,” Eddie points out, ignoring the way his stomach twists at that.
The corner of Buck’s mouth ticks up into a smile, but it looks more sad than anything. “And none of them have progressed past the kiss on the cheek stage.”
Eddie suppresses a smile. He shouldn’t be happy that his best friend has been on a string of bad dates over the last couple months since breaking up with Taylor, but, well, a bad date is why he’s currently slumped on Eddie’s couch, slouched in an old gray hoodie and sweats, his hair sticking up on one side from running his fingers through it. And he can’t feel bad about wanting to spend more time with Buck.
Eddie hums, then sets his empty bottle on the coffee table. Buck's silent for another couple minutes while the couple on screen confess their undying love in proper romcom cheese. He’ll never admit he likes this kind of thing, will swear til his dying day that he watches these movies for Buck.
Buck sighs and burrows further into the couch. “It’s been so long since I kissed anyone for the hell it, for the pure pleasure of it and not because it’s leading to anything else.”
“Me too,” Eddie says. The last person he kissed was Ana, but so much of that was tangled up in obligation and pretending to be someone he’s not. He got good at acting like he was into it, but that’s all it was, an act. His relationship with Shannon was complicated, to say the least. It was mostly about sticking with familiarity and avoiding talking, especially at the end, the pleasure almost incidental.
“Do you miss it?” Buck asks, turning his head on the back of the couch to look at Eddie. There’s something open and vulnerable about his expression, a plea in his eyes, so blue even in the dark of the room.
“Yeah,” Eddie admits quietly, because he does miss kissing, even if it’s not for the same reasons as Buck.
“I’d kiss you,” Buck says, and Eddie snorts, shaking his head.
“Buck.”
“It makes sense,” Buck protests. “We both want someone to kiss. We could kiss each other. Kill two birds with one stone.”
“I don’t think that means what you think it means. And us kissing would be crazy. You know that, right?”
“It’s just a kiss. What could it hurt?”
It’s never just a kiss, but Eddie is…curious, maybe, about testing his infamous Buck 1.0 skills for himself. He can’t lie and say he’s never imagined what it would be like. And somewhere over the years, he lost the ability to tell Buck no.
“Okay,” he says finally.
“Yeah?” Buck smiles, soft and sweet, and Eddie’s heart kicks in his chest. “Okay. Come here.” He sits up and gestures for Eddie to do the same.
“Buck.” A thread of nervousness winds through him as Buck leans closer, a dozen horrible what-ifs popping into his head.
“Just close your eyes and relax. This is supposed to be fun.”
Fun. Right.
He follows Buck’s instructions and closes his eyes, but relaxing is beyond him, his shoulders remaining tense.
“That’s it,” Buck says, closer now, his breath fanning over Eddie’s cheek.
Eddie shivers and then a bubble of laughter bursts out of him. Buck huffs and when Eddie opens his eyes, Buck gives him an unimpressed look, eyebrows scrunched in adorable frown. Eddie wants to rub the lines away with his thumbs, but he just laughs again.
“I’m sorry,” he gasps, biting his lip in an effort to hold it in. “This is just—” he waves between them, like it encompasses this whole bizarre situation. “I’m sorry.”
Buck rolls his eyes but cracks a moment later, and they laugh together, Buck’s giggles settling something inside Eddie. It’d been a rough year, and seeing Buck happy fills Eddie with joy.
“Okay, okay,” Eddie says, suppressing more laughter. “Try again?”
Grinning, Buck nods, then shakes himself out and faces Eddie again. “Ready?”
“Yup.”
He closes his eyes and exhales. Fabric rustles as Buck repositions, his knee wedged against Eddie’s thigh. He feels a soft touch on his lip and snorts.
“Eddie,” Buck says, exasperated, but he’s smiling too. Eddie can feel the curve of it against his mouth. “Relax. It’s just me,” he murmurs, his bottom lip catching on Eddie’s with every word.
It’s just Buck, and he would trust Buck with anything, does trust Buck with his son and to have his back on calls and to hold him when he’s breaking apart. What’s a kiss in the face of all that?
“Okay.”
He’s still smiling when Buck presses forward and finally slots their mouths together. It’s slow at first, careful, giving Eddie time to learn the shape of Buck’s mouth or to pull away, if he wanted. It’s good. Amazing, even, the scratch of Buck’s stubble a new and delicious sensation. He tastes like beer and the sharpness of the lemon meringue he ate for dessert on his failed date.
Buck makes a noise in the back of his throat, a low rumble that hits Eddie in the gut. Buck’s hand moves to his lower back and tugs him closer and when Buck licks at his bottom lip, Eddie opens for him, heat curling through him at the slick touch of Buck’s tongue. He moans, clutching at the washed-out softness of Buck’s hoodie.
Distantly, he thinks that it should be weirder, making out on the couch with his best friend, but mostly he just wants more, wants to map the taste and feel of Buck’s mouth, wants to figure out all the ways to make Buck’s breath hitch like that. He can’t get close enough.
Kissing someone has never felt like this before.
“Damn,” Eddie breathes, and Buck arches an eyebrow, sitting back with a smug smile that crinkles the corners of his eyes. It infuriates Eddie and lights him up. “Shut up,” he says and kisses that shit-eating grin right off Buck’s face.
There’s an itch under his skin, one he’s felt since he embraced who he really is, but just because he unrepressed 30-plus years of bullshit doesn’t mean he’s been ready to scratch that itch, especially with a stranger. But he knows Buck, trusts him, and having Buck’s mouth moving beneath his, his soft breaths and large hand gripping the back of his neck, holding him in place, quells some of the restlessness that he lives with every day.
He chases that feeling, indulges himself in the heat of Buck’s mouth.
&&&
They don’t talk about it, but a few days later after Christopher is in bed, Buck lays him out on the couch and licks into his mouth, their beers abandoned and the baseball game reduced to background noise. Eddie wraps his arms around Buck’s back, Buck’s hands gentle on his face in contrast to the dirty slide of his mouth against his, and they kiss and kiss until Eddie’s jaw aches, his skin stinging with beard burn.
&&&
Over the next few weeks, it somehow becomes a thing. Kisses traded as a hello or goodbye. Nights spent in Eddie’s living room, with soft breaths and wandering hands. A quick peck in thanks for passing over a hot cup of coffee, Buck still blurry and sleep-rumpled, pillow creases on his cheek. Desperate kisses shared over the center console in Buck’s jeep, comfort after a bad shift. Sneaky kisses in the kitchen while Christopher does homework in the dining room or behind the firetruck while everyone else eats Bobby’s special mac and cheese upstairs. Buck slamming the door and pinning Eddie against it with his big body, sucking kisses into his neck and the underside of his jaw, biting “I missed this” and “I need you” into Eddie’s flushed skin. Slow, teasing kisses in Buck’s bed after a post-shift nap, Christopher at school so they have hours to themselves, Buck leaving marks along his collarbone, just below the neckline of his t-shirt, where no one else will see, but Buck will know they’re painted on his skin, a claim and a reminder.
They don’t talk about it and they don’t tell anyone else, because how could Eddie explain it to someone else when he doesn’t understand it himself?
&&&
“Eddie,” Buck whines, his chest heaving. “Please.”
Settling more firmly on Buck’s thighs, Eddie hums and brushes a line of kisses along Buck’s collarbone to the hollow of his throat. He dips his tongue in, tasting sweat and the underlining sweetness that is just Buck. It’s addictive, having Buck this close and begging in a rough voice.
They’re supposed to be on a run, but after a block of watching Buck’s ass in his shorts and his windswept hair, his pretty mouth curved in an excited smile because the weirdo enjoys running, Eddie dragged him back to his place and practically threw him on the couch, crawling onto his lap and capturing his mouth in a heated kiss that had them both moaning.
Buck’s breath catches now, and he writhes under Eddie, hands slipping under the hem of his shirt.
“This is a much more fun workout than running,” Eddie says, and Buck snorts, panting as Eddie kisses the bolt of his jaw.
“Kissing burns 2 to 3 calories per minute,” Buck tells him, the last word cut off by a whimper.
“See?” Eddie kisses him, cradling Buck’s face, his stubble prickly and somehow still soft under his palms.
Buck opens his mouth and tilts his head, improving the angle 100 times over.
Kissing Buck is…overwhelming. It’s everything, and Eddie’s not sure he’ll ever be able to go back to just friends, just work partners who used to make out back in the day.
Eddie shifts, and his cock brushes against Buck’s, obviously half-hard in his thin workout shorts. He stills, because they don’t do that, don’t cross the line past kissing or the occasional exploring hand, but Buck’s hips jerk, his breath punched out of him. Eddie rocks against him, deliberate and slow, and Buck makes a small, helpless noise, his cock swelling against Eddie’s. It’s not that he’s never felt Buck hard and straining against him before—things happen when you’re wrapped around each other and have been kissing for what feels like hours, trying to draw every desperate sound out of each other’s mouths—but they’ve always ignored those incidents.
“Buck?” he asks, searching his face and smoothing a thumb over his birthmark.
“Yes.” His eyes are already hazy with pleasure, blown wide so only a thin ring of ocean blue is visible. “Please, Eddie.”
“I’ve got you, baby.” He presses a kiss to his cheekbone and the corner of his mouth before Buck grunts in frustration and guides Eddie into a proper kiss with a thumb grasping his chin.
Eddie grinds down and fuck. This might be the hottest thing he’s ever done. Buck is certainly hot like this, his powerful thighs shifting under Eddie, his chest flushing red and creeping up his neck, the neckline of his t-shirt stretched out from Eddie yanking it down to access more skin. Buck bites his lip, circling his hips to meet Eddie’s. His dick is hard and pulsing against Eddie’s. He knows Buck is huge in an abstract, seen each other naked in the showers at the station kind of way, but it’s another thing altogether to feel Buck slide against him in a dirty, frantic grind. It’s fucking incredible, even through the layers of their clothes, and Eddie feels hot all over, like the drag of their bodies against each other could kindle sparks and any moment now they’re going to combust.
Buck skims his palms up Eddie’s thighs, leaving goosebumps in his wake, and grips his hips, pulling Eddie impossibly closer and increasing his movements. Swearing, Eddie mouths at Buck’s pulse point, sinking his teeth in then soothing the spot with his tongue. There will be a mark tomorrow, a clear sign of what Buck was doing to anyone that sees him, something they usually avoid, but Buck simply angles his head, encouraging Eddie to do it again and again, until a dark purple bruise stands out against Buck’s golden skin.
Eddie’s hips stutter, and he moans, his orgasm ripping through him in waves. Buck lets out a sound like a choked-off sob and shudders through his own release, slowly rocking against Eddie until their aftershocks fade.
“Fuck,” Buck groans as Eddie collapses onto him.
“Yeah,” Eddie says and kisses Buck’s chest, right where his heart is still hammering.
“That was—” He trails off, and Eddie remains silent. He can’t find the right words either.
Buck fingers thread into Eddie’s hair, cradling his skull with gentle hands and lifting him into a kiss that’s slow and sweet and so soft. Eddie feels tears sting the backs of his eyes and blinks them away, deepening the kiss.
“Shower?” he suggests once Buck breaks away to breathe, minutes, hours, or maybe days later.
Buck nods, and it should be awkward, sitting in Buck’s lap with drying come in his shorts, but it just feels right.
&&&
They don’t talk about it, and it never happens again. Eddie thinks about it sometimes, remembering the tremble in Buck’s muscles and the hot as fuck noises he made and the way he wanted to take Buck to bed and just hold him afterward.
&&&
People were bound to find out eventually.
They’re gathered in Eddie’s backyard to celebrate his birthday. Turning 35 isn’t a big deal but with everything that has happened the past couple years, Eddie felt like gathering all his friends and family for a party, to recognize that they’re all here and healthy and in better places than they were last year.
It’s getting late. The kids trooped inside an hour ago and settled in the living room with pillows and cushions to watch movies, May making fancy popcorn and root beer floats. It’s mostly the 118 family left, crowded around the fire pit Buck helped him build, on a mishmash of lawn chairs, stumps, and outdoor ottomans. Fairy lights strung on poles provide soft lighting. The temperature drops the later it gets, but the fire and a handful of blankets keep them warm.
Eddie feels content, a half-drunk bottle of beer balanced on his stomach and Buck’s knee pressed against his. A murmur of conversation washes over him. He smiles and tips his head back on the chair. Wispy clouds and the light pollution block most of the stars, but it’s a calm, peaceful night, broken occasionally by a dark barking or the blast of a car horn. They don’t get many nights like this, where they can come together for something happy, without prior plans or kids to take care of getting in the way.
“We need more marshmallows,” Karen says, holding the empty bag and pouting.
“There’s more inside,” Eddie tells her, getting his feet under him to stand.
“I’ve got it,” Buck says, squeezing Eddie’s knee.
“Thanks.” Propping his feet back on the edge of the fire pit, he sends Buck a smile and sees the echo of one stretch across Buck’s face.
“No worries.” Bending close, he presses a kiss that’s over too soon to Eddie’s mouth, then pops to his feet and strides across the yard.
The backdoor has banged closed before Eddie realizes a hush has fallen over the group, everyone staring at him, Chimney’s mouth hanging open until Maddie reaches over and closes it with the tip of her finger.
“What was that?!” Hen blurts. She sits across the fire from him, leaning so far forward on her chair that he’s afraid she’ll fall off and tumble into the fire.
“What?” He replays the last couple minutes and oh, shit. Shit shit fuck. Buck just kissed him, in front of everyone, in front of their captain. He struggles to keep his expression neutral while he silently freaks the fuck out. “It’s just something we do.”
“Just something you do?” Chimney screeches, throwing his arms up. “Kissing Buck is just something you do?” He uses air quotes in a dramatic way that Eddie would laugh at in another situation.
Eddie shrugs and pretends he doesn’t see the confused and concerned looks pass over their faces. Chimney is gearing up for an even bigger explosion when the backdoor slams again. Buck tosses the bag of marshmallows to Karen and plops into his chair, loose-limbed and easy. It’s obvious he’s not aware of what he did, their kisses so natural and everyday at this point, like breathing or Buck’s need for strong coffee in the morning, and he fails to sense the strange tension in the air.
“Did you know astronauts insert marshmallows up their noses to protect their nasal linings during high pressure lift-offs?” Buck says, that note of eagerness to share a strange fact threaded through his words.
Eddie wants to kiss him. This is nothing new, but he’s beautiful right now, with the firelight staining his skin orange and a glow in his eyes, more facts at the ready. Eddie could slide his hand around the back of his neck and draw him into a kiss, but their audience stops him. By some miracle, no one has said anything yet. Eddie doesn’t know what’s holding them back, but he’s grateful for it. Buck rambles about marshmallows and ancient Egypt, and Eddie watches with a helpless smile and thinks about a day where he might hold Buck’s hand and listen to whatever facts he has rattling around in that incredible brain of his.
People start drifting home an hour later. Eddie forces leftovers into their hands and gathers happy birthday hugs at the door like a greedy magpie, soaking in the warmth and tucking it away for the inevitable bad days.
Hen and Karen take a sleepy Christopher with them despite Eddie’s protests. Hen gives him a silent but extremely loud look and points her chin toward Buck, coming down the hall with Christopher and the overnight bag he helped him pack. Eddie wilts a bit under her gaze.
“Best friends don’t just randomly kiss, Eddie, and I think you know that,” she says softly, her hand on his arm.
He nods and glances at Buck, who catches his eye and grins, open and pretty and just for him.
Swallowing, he says, “I know,” and Hen squeezes his arm, then herds the Wilson crew plus Christopher to the door.
Soon it’s just him and Buck. Eddie closes the door behind the last guest, then crowds Buck against it, capturing his mouth in a sweet kiss that literally has Eddie’s toes curling. They should talk, but it’s late and Eddie is too tired for this kind of conversation. He pulls away and feathers kisses to Buck’s face, the arch of his brow and the side of his nose, the apple of each cheek and the bright splash of his birthmark. Buck sighs, holding him close, a hand sneaking under Eddie’s shirt to splay across his back.
“Come on,” he murmurs against Buck’s plush mouth. “Let’s go to bed.”
Buck kisses him, then pushes off the door. Eddie’s pulse kicks up. He feels dizzy, fuzzy around the edges, but not with nerves. Anticipation thunders through his veins. He knows nothing will happen tonight, but sharing a bed with Buck is a novelty in itself, and it’s cheesy as hell—and any other day he’d despair at even thinking about something so sappy—but he can’t wait to fall asleep holding Buck.
He leads Buck to the bedroom. They trip over each other, mouths fused as they attempt to walk down the hall without looking. Buck stops and presses him to the wall by the bathroom, devouring Eddie with open-mouthed, drugging kisses.
Eventually they reach his room. Eddie backs Buck up to the bed and pushes him to sit on the side. Buck gazes up at him through his lashes with an expression that Eddie can’t parse, his eyes soft but fiery. Wrapping his arms around Eddie, he rests his cheek on Eddie’s chest and exhales, his shoulders sagging.
“Eddie.” There’s a note of uncertainty in his voice, and it breaks Eddie’s heart a little.
He holds Buck’s face between his palms and kisses him softly. “Sleep, baby. That’s all.”
“Okay.”
They get ready for bed in silence, stripping off shirts and pants, darting glances at each other as they move around the room. Slipping under the covers, Eddie reaches up and snaps off the light. He adjusts quickly to the dark and slides across the mattress to Buck. Their legs tangle, and Buck tugs Eddie half on top of him. A shirtless Buck is a rarity that Eddie takes full advantage of, running his hands over the bumps of his ribs and the hard planes of his chest, trailing kisses over every inch he can reach. Buck shudders under him, fingers digging into the muscle of Eddie’s back, keeping him in place, as if he’d want to be anywhere else.
Buck nudges him into a kiss that goes on and on, until Buck’s jaw cracks on a yawn. Eddie snorts and pecks the tip of his nose.
He falls asleep with his face tucked into the curve of Buck’s shoulder, Buck’s smile pressed into his temple.
&&&
Eddie wakes up to an empty bed, but Buck’s pillow is still warm so he hasn’t been gone lone. After a stop in the bathroom, he finds Buck in the kitchen, eating toast over the sink. He put on a pair of Eddie’s sleep shorts but is still shirtless, miles of golden skin and muscle on display for Eddie to admire. He wraps his arms around Buck from behind and kisses his bare shoulder. Buck rocks back into him, threading his fingers through the hand Eddie has on his stomach.
“Happy real birthday,” Buck says, a smile lacing every word.
Eddie snorts and lays his head between Buck’s shoulder blades. Yesterday had been a better day for everyone to get together, and Eddie's glad for it now so he can spend the actual day alone with Buck.
Buck turns in his arms to face him, leaning back against the sink and pulling Eddie closer.
“Hey.” He nips at Eddie’s chin and grins. He looks bright and happy in the wan sunlight streaming in the window and so beautiful Eddie can’t breathe for a moment. “Morning.”
“Morning.” He kisses him, pouring all the light and joy Buck gives him into it.
Buck sighs and sucks on his bottom lip, then whines in protest when Eddie breaks away, chasing his mouth. Eddie stops him with gentle fingers against his lips, tracing the familiar curves.
“I want to spend the rest of my life kissing you,” Eddie says, heart hammering at confessing the truth that he’s kept locked up tight until now. “I want you to be the last person I ever kiss.”
“Eddie,” Buck chokes out. His eyes shine, and his hands tremble as they flex against Eddie.
“I love you. I think I’ve loved you longer than I realized, maybe even before you kissed me that first time.”
Buck laughs and presses a kiss to Eddie’s palm. “I’ve wanted to kiss you for so long but I was too—” He shakes his head, and the smile he gives Eddie is radiant. “I love you too. And I also want you to be the last person I kiss.”
“Good.”
Eddie swallows Buck’s laugh, licking into his mouth. He meant for the kiss to be gentle, but it quickly falls into hungry, Buck’s mouth pliant and slick beneath his. Eddie shoves a knee between Buck’s, earning him a low moan and hitch of Buck’s hips. He can’t wait to explore that more, to take Buck to bed and strip him down, to take him apart and see how loud he is with Eddie’s mouth and fingers inside and around him.
“Oh, my god,” Buck blurts, eyes wide with panic. “I kissed you last night in front of everybody!”
Eddie bursts out laughing, and it only gets worse when Buck huffs in annoyance, muttering, “Not funny, Eddie.”
“It’s okay,” Eddie assures him, kissing the spot between his brows.
“But what are we gonna do? Bobby saw it, Eddie!”
“I know. It’s okay.”
“But—”
“Just kiss me, baby. We can figure all that out later.”
Eddie grins as Buck surges forward, slanting his mouth over Eddie’s.
They have a lifetime of kisses ahead of them, a thousand different kinds of kisses to learn, but they’ll start here, with a kiss that knocks them off their feet, giggling into each other’s mouths as Buck’s socks slip on the tile and they tumble to the floor, safe in each other’s arms.