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Anthony Edward Stark is a genius. He has been trained at some of the nation’s finest institutions and aside from that has a keen and curious mind. He has made some of the most dangerous weapons in the world and got pretty close to privatizing world peace.
Which is why he really did not consider that when he entered a relationship with Captain America, or Steve Rogers, he might have to learn something. This is especially true because they have been friends for years and Tony has been in love with him for just about as long. First in love with the strong, brave, honest Captain America… Later he fell in love with the darkly humorous, dorky, opinionated Steve Rogers.
By the time he actually got around to actually dating Steve he felt that he knew about all there was to know about the man. For gods sake, Tony thought, I fucking live with the man.
However he was by all accounts wrong. He had to learn a lot in order to date Steve Rogers.
1.) Steve Rogers takes punctuality very seriously
The first time it happened Steve’s shoulders tightened slightly but he kept going pretending he was okay. Tony knew instantly something was wrong, but if Steve wasn’t going to tell him then Tony certainly wasn’t going to bring it up. Especially not on date night.
The second time it happened Steve’s shoulders tightened and his voice got tense. His comments became more pointedly passive aggressive and when he sat across Tony at dinner he didn’t play footsie.
The third time it happened Steve exploded.
“Why can’t you ever be on time?” Steve shot angrily as Tony finally showed up to Steve’s door.
“What…?”
“This is our third damn date night in a row that you’ve been late. What, is my time not worth as much as yours Mr. Billionaire?” Steve shot back.
Tony knew immediately what was happening. This is a couple argument. In the back of his mind he was actually kind of excited by it, a perfectly normal couple argument about something totally normal. Instead of say, fighting about how best to save the world or what man’s place in the universe is they could instead argue about this. It was refreshing in a weird sort of way.
“What? Steve, honey, of course not. I just got side tracked…”
“Side tracked? Do you know how excited I am by date nights. Ugh you know what? Just leave.”
Tony was mentally split. One half of his brain was rolling his eyes because this is how couple arguments always end up, over dramatic. Someone is always yelling about how whatever it is that is wrong is somehow emblematic of systemic problems in the relationship. The other half of his was furious that Steve would accuse him of not being excited and for wasting his time out of cruelty.
So Tony shot back, “you are so over dramatic! I come here after a long god damn day at the office with Pepper yelling at me about how I need to have the updates to R&D by Monday and I left all of that to come see you. Because I love you Steve! Is that not enough?”
“Of course it’s enough! But I also expected to be treated like a real person and not someone you can just come and get at whatever your earliest convenience is.”
“Oh that is rich coming from you!” Tony yelled back. He knew he would regret this but now it was just happening and it was too late to stop it.
“And just what is that supposed to mean?”
“Oh Tony,” Tony said in a mocking falsetto of Steve’s voice, “I would love to see you but I have to go save a kitten from a tree and then help granny cross the road. Maybe when I’m done being a damn saint…”
“That is not the same thing and you know it!” Steve said. Tony finally took a moment to appreciate what his boyfriend was wearing, a nice charcoal suit and a deep blue tie that made his irate blue eyes stand out even more.
He had clearly put time in to his outfit, clearly wanted to look good and go somewhere and have a nice time. He clearly did not want to be in this argument if the way his mouth was twisting downward was any indication. Tony also knew Steve never ever conceded an argument, he is incredibly stubborn.
Tony sighed, deflated, and said, “Steve I’m sorry. You’re the most important person in my life, and I really really want to go on a date with you. I want to sit across the table and tell you jokes and listen to you talk and not have to worry about saving the world. I’m sorry baby, I’ll work on being more punctual in the future.”
Steve’s eyes softened, then darkened.
“I love you too… Maybe we should just skip dinner anyway. I think I have something else I want to eat,” Steve said smirking.
Tony realized another reason he loved couple fights, they always end in make up sex.
2.) Steve can’t cuddle at night
Well no, that isn’t exactly true. He can of course, cuddle at night. He loves to cuddle, the man is basically a giant golden retriever. He just can’t cuddle and sleep.
“I’m over heating,” Steve complained the first time they tried to fall asleep in a heavy heap of limbs.
Steve was of course happy to cuddle for literally hours before the slept, but as soon as their minds began to drift he would pull away.
One time Tony tried to sneak cuddle him in the middle of the night after Steve had fallen asleep. This did not go well as approximately an hour later Tony was shaken awake by a disgruntled Captain America.
“Stay on your side,” Steve said grumpily and flopped back down on his side which is directly in front of an ocean wave noise maker.
Steve also couldn’t sleep in silence. For a super solider he certainly did have a lot of persnickety requirements about sleeping.
Tony grumbled and went back to sleep on his end of the bed, but when he woke up Steve was awake and curled around him.
“Morning Shellhead,” he murmured.
Even if he couldn’t sleep while touching Steve never let Tony wake up alone.
3.) His feet can’t be covered.
This one relates back to Steve Roger’s weird sleeping habits. Tony couldn’t really say that he was in any way normal when it comes to sleep but at least he didn’t have all sorts of nuts demands for the actual bed itself.
In fact it was so bad that blankets couldn’t even cover his feet while they were cuddling. This has lead to a fair amount of irritated arguments from Tony about having cold toes and Steve insisting that his toes had the right to be free “like every American citizen.”
The fact that he said that with a joking smile on his face didn’t make Tony any less irritated.
… It made him less irritated.
But Steve refused to cover his feet with blankets, his side of the bed can never be tucked in because his feet are always poking out the bottom.
One time Tony tried to cover Steve’s toes just to annoy him. He held the blanket down with his arms and “took the toes hostage.”
Steve Rogers is also a huge drama queen.
When Steve finally got his toes free he began bending his toes back and forth with a rhythm declaring his toes “free spirits” and “dancing toes”.
Tony kind of hated him.
What a lie. Tony loved Steve and his dorky toe tendencies more than anything in the world.
4.) He is a huge sap
Tony can safely say that before Steve he never really watched romantic movies. He also never went dancing, did lame karaoke nights and sat on a playground in the middle of the night.
Steve has a real tendency towards the dorky, sappy things. It would be embarrassing if it weren’t so endearing.
Which brought Tony to this moment in time trying very hard to figure out if Steve’s happiness was actually worth torture.
“Hey baby, I was just talking to Natasha and apparently this movie is a real classic. Will you watch it with me?” Steve said, his huge blue eyes twinkling madly with happiness.
Tony knew then and there that he was so fucking whipped there is no way that he wouldn’t watch it.
“It” of course being the Nicolas Sparks classic known as The Notebook.
Tony hated The Notebook with a fiery passion that he can not say he really actively feels for anything else. Its cliche, silly, and how the heck did he send a damn letter every single day? As Harry Potter taught us, there is no post on sundays!
Steve however, loved it. His face stoically watching with focus. Steve never exactly cried at movies, he isn’t the weepy type no matter how terrible things can be. Tony didn’t exactly expect Titanic to be more tragic than anything Steve had to deal with in his real life.
“That was so moving love,” Steve said as they walked upstairs from the living room.
“Yeah, it was a regular Shakespeare,” Tony said rolling his eyes.
“I know you hate these movies Tony… I appreciate you doing this. I appreciate it a lot,” Steve said winking, “In fact, I appreciate it so much I thought I would surprise you."
This got Tony’s attention and he looked curiously at Steve who pulled back the strap of his sweatpants slightly to show… White lacy panties.
Tony’s brain broke. Then, the bed broke.
5.) He loves the previews
Tony kind of figured this had something to do with the punctuality thing, but whenever they watched movies in the real world Steve insisted they arrived early enough to watch all the trailers.
Tony in his previous life, if he showed up to a movie at all, showed up right before the actual movie he came to see came on. Now Steve refused and got all antsy if they started cutting into preview time.
“They’re prefect for my attention span,” Steve said once.
Tony kind of got what he meant. Steve could focus intensely on something for long periods of time if he had to, but his brain actually worked a lot more like Tony’s. He can think about a hundred different things and come to the best case scenario. Thats what makes him such a good tactician. It also lets him love watching 10 trailers before the actual movie so he can see many plots at once at think about them all.
Tony considered just telling him he could watch trailers on YouTube, but for some reason he felt like he would be taking some of the fun away from his man.
Instead Tony just cuddled in next to Steve’s huge frame and got the high school romance he was always too precocious to have.
6.) He isn’t really Captain America
The way Tony figured it is Captain America is nothing without Steve Rogers, but Steve Rogers is a lot of things without Captain America.
Every good thing about Cap, his strength, determination, moral certainty, and restraint… None of those exist without Steve. But Steve, the funny, loser dork that he’s gotten to spend so much time with? Totally exists without Captain America.
Of course Tony already knew this. He’s know this for years, since he became friends with Steve he realized that they were basically two different people. Of course Steve had Cap-ish qualities in his day to day life but for the most part it was almost like he became a different person when he donned the cowl.
It was also different when he went from being friend Steve Rogers to his field leader Captain America than when he goes from boyfriend Steve Rogers to field leader Captain America.
Before he didn’t have vivid images of Steve pounding in to him whispering dirty things in his ear, or Steve on top of him riding him like a prize stallion.
He also knew Steve wasn’t Captain America because Cap has no sense of humor. He is serious, focused and never relaxes until everyone is out of harms way. He doesn’t contain a trace of the soft, meatball that Steve is when they go to the park together. Its disorienting to say the least.
That isn’t to say Tony doesn’t love him when he’s Captain America. He does, of course he does. He loves how Steve gets focused, how he can think of the entire field and all of the repercussions before making a move. He loves the way Steve can do it all with calm, quiet competence. Steve, he recently realized, is not actually so different from Pepper. They both put him in his place and kick serious ass in their jobs.
Tony will never admit it but it also kind of turns him on when Steve beats him when they play chess together. He’s always had a thing for smart, powerful badasses.
7.) He loves torturing Tony with weird gross kisses
The first time he does it Tony can honestly say he did not in any way, shape, or form see it coming. They’re kissing slowly and relaxed, just comfortable with each other.
Tony was feeling this overwhelming sense of love for this man, someone he doesn’t have to impress or do anything with. He can just sit on a couch, cuddle and kiss him. The world is a happy place and there was god damn sunshine in his heart.
And then.
And then Steven “I’m a little shit” Rogers smirked against his mouth. Tony should have seen it coming, he really fucking should have.
Steve opened his mouth really wide and promptly shoved his tongue deep into Tony’s mouth in the most uncomfortable and non-sexy way. Frankly Tony couldn’t breath for a second and started to try to push Steve off.
By the time Steve relented Tony’s entire bottom half of his face was covered in saliva and he was panting. Steve however was practically cackling.
“I hate you,” Tony panted out.
“Awe poor baby,” Steve said kindly moving in to give him a kiss.
“Oh no, no you don’t,” Tony said backing away from his evil boyfriend.
“Sugar, come on. I’m sorry, I just wanna kiss you,” he said his eyes wide and blue.
“I really fucking hate you,” Tony said but let Steve kiss him tenderly and slowly.
For some reason Tony felt like that would be the last time Steve did something absurd like that. It was absolutely not. It was also somehow magically every time he least expected it too.
He also thought that trying to eat him was Steve’s only weird trick in the book. It was not.
Technically Tony knew this was his own fault. He was the one who showed Steve he could do this thing where he sucked the insides of his cheeks in really hard so he looked kind of like a fish. Steve was delighted and promptly did the same thing so they were looking at each other with fish faces.
Then Steve kissed him. Kissed him on the weird fish lips.
Tony reeled back and swiped at his lips, “damn it Steve, that feels so weird."
Steve laughed.
The next day they were in bed and Steve suddenly went in to the fish face demanding a kiss.
“No.”
“Come on Tony! If you kiss my fish lips I’ll be so happy.”
“No, absolutely not. I am a superhero for Christ’s sake.”
“Language. Come on, please. I’ll let you do that thing you’re always begging me to do.”
“… The thing?”
Steve looked a little doubtful for a second himself before he finally committed with a sharp nod of his head.
Tony steeled himself and pulled his own lips into a weird fish face.
Incidentally this is also the story of how the two of them fucked in their superhero suits for the first time.
8.) He really loves Tony
This one Tony had heard before. Mostly from Steve himself, who frequently told Tony that he loved him. Tony however, had issues wrapped in issues and didn’t really believe him when Steve said that he loved him.
He was starting to come to the conclusion that maybe Steve is serious.
It all started a week after their big fight about punctuality. Tony was downstairs getting an apple from the kitchen when he saw Clint polishing an antique bow in the living room.
“Hey Birdman, what’s hanging?” Tony said.
Clint rolled his eyes, “not too bad old man, how are you?”
“Well I’m dating Captain America… So better than you.”
“Are you ever going to stop bragging about that?”
“Have you seen his ass?”
“… So no, then?”
“Nope.”
“What are you here for anyway?” Seeing Clint sitting on a couch in the Avengers tower was like seeing Natasha eating ice cream and watching Pride and Prejudice. Sure sometimes it happens but its so rare that its worth noticing. Usually Clint was content in the air ducts generally being a pest.
“Oh Steve and I are going to go grab lunch at eleven.”
“Um…” Tony said looking down at his watch that clearly read eleven fifteen, “you might want to get going then. You’re late.”
“Psh, there is no way that man is going to be down here for at least another fifteen minutes. You know for a soldier he isn’t very concerned with punctuality.”
Tony froze there, because Steve was always, always, always on time to their date nights no matter what. Even before they were dating Steve was always on time no matter where he said he would meet Tony.
“Huh…” Tony said before walking out of the kitchen with his apple and kissing Steve a quick goodbye when they passed each other in the hallway.
Tony’s heart warmed at the thought that Steve considered him important enough to be on time for, even when he didn’t for anyone else.
The next time he got a clue that Steve might actually be in love with him was when he was listening to the rest of the team talk.
“Steve really needs to lighten up man, the guy has like no sense of humor,” Clint said.
“No he does,” Natasha said, “its just very… Dry. Its almost Russian, I appreciate him for that.”
Tony quirked his head to the side and pictured Steve Rogers doing his little dancing toes routine in bed while Tony tried frantically to cover them with a blanket. Not exactly a serious man. Even before they dated Tony was pretty sure Steve was a goofball at heart.
Leading Tony to the next conclusion which is that Steve feels comfortable enough around Tony for him to relax and not be in control of himself all the time. He doesn’t have to have his hair perfectly combed or have his perfect mixture of dry sarcasm and sardonic smirks, he can be happy and dorky and perfect.
Tony was so madly in love with him it hurt.
Tony finally accepted that Steve Rogers in love with him too was a month after that. Steve walked into Tony’s bedroom like he owned the place and started stripping his Captain America uniform while bitching about the meeting he just had with Fury.
Steve didn’t even really turn to look at Tony except for the quick kiss he dropped on top of his head before shucking off his tight pants.
It hit Tony like a freight train.
Steve was comfortable with him. Comfortable enough to joke, to be sappy, to be weird… Comfortable enough for him to complain about being Captain America. Steve trusted him implicitly.
Steve trusted him because Steve loved him.
“Tony… Are you okay?” Steve said looking at him worriedly.
“What? Yeah, I’m fine. Great. Perfect even. I don’t think I’ve ever been better.”
“Okay… You’ve just got this really creepy smile on your face.”
“Oh no, its nothing… I just, I just really love you Steve. You know that?” Tony said. He knew his tone was weirdly and uncharacteristically earnest.
Steve’s smile softened into something loving and kind and he said, “Yeah Tony. I love you too.”
The funny thing was, this time Tony believed him.