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“Fuck this stupid fucking test,” Mu Qing heard on the opposite side of the bookshelf in the campus library. He had been trying to find the last available copy of a book he needed to use as a reference for an essay in his History of Film class. He recognized the voice because he had heard it in front of him so many times before from the nerd whose back he had been staring at for the first four weeks of statistics class. He always cursed under his breath at the simplest of things but refrained from using such language during group projects. Being the goody-two-shoes that he was, he probably never cursed in front of his parents either. Instead, he would just bottle it up and whisper it into his shirt whenever he got pissed off. He could be considered attractive though his fashion looked like he just peeled himself out of a prep school magazine. Additionally, he didn’t go to any of the parties on campus, so his personality could be just as sterile when it came down to it. Not like Mu Qing was looking for him at every one of Pei Ming’s ragers to strike up a conversation, but it would have made the nights more bearable.
He walked around the column to steal a glance at the intense glare Feng Xin had fixed on the equation in front of him and remembered he had asked the professor to explain the problem. Dr. Bready, even after being assured he just needed 5 minutes of her time, insisted that he make an appointment during her office hours. Feng Xin tried pleading his case by explaining how he had work-study hours at the Fitness Center during the times she had available, but she blew him off. The professor told him that if he was serious about his studies, he’d take time off from his work, and left him standing by the door without another word. Mu Qing knew he didn’t like her before, but seeing her disregard him justified his plan of ‘accidentally’ dropping a tack behind her tires.
“I don’t think the problem will crack under the death stare you’re giving it,” Mu Qing said without quieting his voice, grabbing Feng Xin’s attention immediately. He looked up and sucked in a breath, half wondering if he was hallucinating or dreaming. He had seen Mu Qing around campus and noticed in the one class they shared he always came in late. It was within the 15-minute grace period before being considered tardy and would roll his eyes exaggeratedly if the professor ever made a comment on it. He had heard that Mu Qing had garnered a reputation to be the instigator of breaking the rules on campus whenever he saw fit. Sneaking alcohol by security into the dorms, starting bonfires down by the river, and picking a fight with someone during freshman orientation were just some of his infractions. “You stuck or what?”
“Uh, yeah,” Feng Xin said, gesturing at the papers in front of him. He always thought Mu Qing was good-looking, he had eyes. Sure he had to wear thick black-rimmed glasses to see clearly, but that wasn’t the point. He wore them all the time, so his vision was as good as anyone else’s. There was something captivating about the way Mu Qing carried himself with natural confidence. His wardrobe seemed devoid of color as black was what he was seen in daily, accentuated by silver studs or chains on his wrists and neck. More than once he saw him smoking behind the dorms with the emergency door propped open, but he wasn’t observing anymore. The guy he’d found a fascination with at least aesthetically was talking to him; he had to get it together. Mu Qing walked over to see scatter plots and a bunch of scribbled-out formulas. “I just can’t get my head around how extrapolation works for the life of me.”
“Oh yeah she didn’t explain it well,” Mu Qing said grabbing a pen from his bag. “Get the slope first, then the point-slope formula, and from there you can inter-whatever and extra-whatever.”
Feng Xin made no comment but stared at Mu Qing’s neat handwriting as he wrote the formulas out with the data he had already scribbled out and turned the paper around to him. He read it over a few times before the lightbulb went off over his head. “Oh shit, I get it. Wow, I’m slow.”
“Nah, you’re just an idiot,” Mu Qing commented, crossing his arms over himself with a smirk.
“I was gonna say thanks for the assistance, but you’re just an asshole.” Feng Xin said, glaring over at him and getting an eye roll in response.
Mu Qing said nothing further, deciding his work was done and took his book with him. As a general rule, he didn’t like helping people due to how often he was taken advantage of in high school. He would preen under the praise his classmates would give him for being so smart, and then make him do all the work for group projects. He even had his notebook stolen on more than one occasion so they could copy what he had down without asking. However, something about Feng Xin made him feel as though he wouldn’t exploit his assistance. He seemed determined to do the work and gain knowledge through actively participating in class and constantly taking notes.
The next time they were in class together, they nodded at each other in acknowledgment and picked to be their own two-man group for projects moving forward. They got good grades on their own and worked together well enough so Dr. Bready had no issues with it. Mu Qing even started coming into class closer and closer to on time as the semester wore on. Eventually, the two of them started hanging out outside of class and got to know each other better. Feng Xin revealed that he was going for an engineering degree and trying to cut the program from five years down to four while still maintaining honors. Mu Qing told him he was insane and would laugh at him if he ended up having a mental breakdown before the end of the first year and Feng Xin told him to go fuck himself.
Instead of hounding him to come to Pei Ming’s parties like he had been right after class since their brief tutoring session, he would just tell him when/where they were happening. Additionally, he would stop by the library after going to a party and would share his fries or whatever food he had gotten for the end of the night and tell him about how the evening was. Feng Xin, though he’d glare at him the whole time always enjoyed the 30-minute break from studying and grew to enjoy the sound of Mu Qing’s voice. He even picked up on the nuances of the campus bad boy’s body language. If he actually enjoyed the story he was talking about he’d sit forward as he spoke, and if he was disgusted by it he’d stay leaned back against the couch or on the ground depending on how lit he was.
Frequently they were told to keep it down because their discussions led to arguments or other shouting matches with insults galore so Feng Xin started sitting in one of the quiet rooms that had enough soundproofing that they would barely be heard if the door was closed. It was a wise move because the head librarian was heavily considering banning both of them from the library for the rest of their college careers. By the end of their first semester, Mu Qing finished up with a B and Feng Xin with an A- which was agreeable to both of their goals. Mu Qing could have scored higher but he had no desire to, especially with his focus on digital media and not statistics garbage.
—-
When they returned to campus for the Spring Semester, Feng Xin found himself in an Environmental Sustainability class for his elective course. It covered the science class requirement and was the only one available that wasn’t broken up into a lecture and then a long lab. It was just two hours in a fancy laboratory with a teacher who looked like Albert Einstein and talked like Bob Ross. The older man was explaining the syllabus on the first day as the class door opened and a familiar scoff drew Feng Xin’s attention.
“You didn’t flunk out?” Mu Qing asked as he walked directly towards Feng Xin who scowled up at him.
“Nope. I’m surprised you’re not fucking expelled, asshole,” Feng Xin replied, taking his book bag off of the chair next to him so his semester-long lab partner could sit down next to him. Some of the class eyed them both strangely but soon got used to how they worked together. Mu Qing would say something insulting and Feng Xin would curse him out for it. However, they weren’t too disruptive and did well in their experiments so the professor made no move to separate them. He even marveled that despite Mu Qing’s notorious tardiness and apathetic attitude he had heard about from a few other professors, he never came in late.
That was until one week, when he missed two classes in a row and hadn’t responded to a check-in email he had sent after his first absence. Feng Xin attended classes as normal but kept watching the door and took longer with his notes. The professor signaled him over after class was dismissed, handing him a graded test from the previous week. “Where’s Mu Qing?”
Feng Xin had been thinking the same thing, having noticed that he didn’t stop by during any of his late-night study sessions over the previous weekend, and didn’t see him in his usual seat at the cafeteria. Unsure of what to say, he opted to give an answer that would at least diffuse any worry the well-meaning man had. “He’s under the weather. I’m taking notes for him.”
“Ah,” the professor said, putting an asterisk next to the red A next to his name on the attendance sheet. “I hope it’s nothing too serious. If he misses another class, I will be docking his final score by a full letter grade unless he can give me a doctor’s note.”
“I’ll let him know,” Feng Xin said, nodding to the professor as he headed out of the classroom and made his way to the library. In reality, he didn’t know what room Mu Qing was in, only that he lived in the standard housing for Freshman students. He had a test to study for the following day that he wanted to get a solid grade on, so he could always try to hunt him down after that. If Mu Qing wanted to skip classes, then he would have to deal with the consequences. Besides, he didn’t seem to care much about his grades in the first place. Sitting in the library, it was no longer than 30 minutes of grasping none of the information in front of him that he acquiesced. There was no way he could focus on his work without knowing if Mu Qing was ok.
How the fuck would I even find him? He never gave me his phone number, and I don’t think we have any mutual acquaintances. Feng Xin tried reasoning with himself. He had no business poking himself into whatever Mu Qing had going on, but if he had gotten himself hurt or worse, Feng Xin would probably be the only person to check on him. Rolling his eyes at himself, a habit he started to pick up, he threw his books back into his backpack and trudged over to his building. It was early enough in the day that he didn’t need to surrender his ID to security to enter the dorms, so he started to roam the halls. Walking on the first floor, he didn’t see his name on any of the doors but could hear people talking excitedly about a “thirsty Thursday party”. He got to the end of the hall and pinched the bridge of his nose, half tempted to go to the front desk and ask what room he was in. They probably wouldn’t tell him though, and if he pretended like he had something that belonged to Mu Qing, they’d tell him just to hand it over and they would let him know to pick up the item. Of course, there was the ‘hey he hasn’t been seen since last Friday and that’s not like him,’ but that would probably turn into a wellness check-up. Knowing how much Mu Qing valued his privacy and hated people prying into his personal life, he was not going to consider the option if he could handle it on his own. The situation was unnecessarily complicated but if he didn’t want to be legitimately hated, he had to find another way.
“Lookin’ for the party?” Pei Ming’s voice carried down the hallway, waking him up from his internal conversation.
“No,” Feng Xin answered. Pei Ming had been around him here and there, so he figured it would be a place to start since he had no further leads at that moment. “I’m looking for Mu Qing.”
“Aaah,” Pei Ming said, smiling as if he had discovered some secret and not so subtly checked him out. “Well, I haven’t seen him at any of my parties recently. I had wondered if his perfect student boyfriend had rubbed off on him.”
“Boyfriend? The fuck? No,” Feng Xin glared at him before shaking his head. “Whatever, it’s not like that. Just tell me what number his room is.”
Pei Ming winced and inhaled. “So the thing is, he never told me or anyone else where he holes up. He really ‘values his privacy’ and to be fair, I would have absolutely crashed his room already if I did know where that was. I think his original roommate relocated or just jumped ship at some point but that happened back at the start of the fall. Other than that, I can’t help you.”
“Shit,” Feng Xin muttered, worrying his lip.
“Although,” Pei Ming leaned in so their conversation would be overshadowed by the group of people laughing and passing around a flask. “One way you could find out would be to use the student database computer in the security area. If you can get the guard outta the room, you should be able to get right into the system.”
“Gotcha,” Feng Xin said, turning around and heading towards the desk as quickly as he could. Pei Ming was surprised by the reaction, half wishing he had reacted like a scandalized Catholic schoolgirl but he shrugged it off. If the man was determined to see Mu Qing it was none of his business, for the time being. He would nag him for all the juicy details next time he showed up at the party scene.
Coming up to the guard at the security desk, Feng Xin was relieved that the guard was one who normally was staffed at the Honor Roll dorm. She was under the impression he was a mature and responsible student, so she would think nothing of him being in the wrong dorm to start off with. She looked up from her phone and immediately smiled when he entered her field of vision. “Feng Xin! You look out of breath kid, what’s going on?”
“There’s a student right upstairs near room 210 who’s trying to get back into his room but his key won’t work,” Feng Xin made up on the spot, trying to think of something that would get her far enough away but not send someone else to go check on the fictional individual. “He looked like he was gonna be sick and just needs to get into his joint bathroom.”
“Oh well I’m right on it,” she said, attaching the carabiner clip of keys onto her hip and popping out the door. She headed to the stairwell without making sure the door closed all the way, giving Feng Xin the opening he needed to slide in. He leaned over the keyboard and quickly typed in Mu Qing’s name and prayed the archaic system would load fast enough that he wouldn’t get caught. He couldn't believe he had actually pulled the stunt off as he stared at the slow-moving bar fetching the results of the search. He listened closely for the sound of the upper stairwell to open again, knowing if he did he would have to get out of the room as fast as possible.
“C’mon you piece of shit,” Feng Xin muttered as it took its sweet time loading. If he was caught in the restricted area, looking for information on another student, he would be lucky to get off with a warning but most likely would experience either being kicked from the honors program or expelled. Finally, his information popped up, showing he was in a double on the third floor but had no other roommate currently. Silently cheering himself and flipping off the computer, he refreshed the screen to revert back where it was when the guard. He exited the room just in time to hear a door squeak open and the jangle of keys as she started to decend. Pushing the door to close faster, Feng Xin booked it down the hallway as fast as his legs could carry, feeling a slight burn that reminded of his track days in high school as he ducked around a corner.
Luckily enough, he came to a stop in front of the elevators just as one was opening the doors and three students came out. He smiled and nodded as if his heart rate was under 100 beats per minute and went in, hitting the button for the third floor. He felt relief sink into his chest as the elevator rose. Mu Qing was still a student and hadn’t just left without a word, now all he had to do was check on him and be on his way. He took deep breaths to regulate his heart rate as the elevator came to a stop and opened to the third floor. He walked down the hallway, reading the names of every double room until he finally got to the end where one name had been removed and replaced with a classic “Get out” sign next to a name he didn’t see when he looked up Mu Qing’s name. He really made it as hard as possible to find him. Feng Xin knocked on the door, waiting to hear bristly voice from inside, but was met with nothing. He double checked the number over the door, verifying it was the one he had seen in the computer and saw a low light under the door.
“Mu Qing?” He called out as he knocked again, this time a little louder and got a response. It was the sound of a small gasp from inside the room and a quiet sniffle. Perhaps he was actually sick as a dog and that was why he hadn’t been spotted around campus. If that was the case he should have taken himself to the campus nurse at least to get medicine. Feng Xin would get it for him if he needed.
“Go away, Feng Xin,” Mu Qing spoke, his voice had a waver to it instead of sounding raspy like he was expecting from someone with a cold.
“Not until I see you and make sure you’re ok,” Feng Xin said, putting his hand on the doorknob and trying to turn it only to find it locked. “Let me in.”
“I said go away,” Mu Qing said, that time firmer but still with a degree of shakiness.
“Fuck no,” Feng Xin said, bracketing his hands on the door frame. “I can tell something’s up and I don’t want to yell this conversation through the damn door.”
“Then leave,” Mu Qing said, sniffling again as he shifted on his bed so his back was to the door.
“If I kick right where the door knob is, this door will open,” Feng Xin said. “I have a black belt so I know what the fuck I’m doing. Open the door, or I’m kicking it down. Your choice.”
“God,” Mu Qing groaned, rolling his eyes as he put his feet on the ground for the first time that day. He got to the door, putting his hand on the lock on the inside. “If you see me, you’ll leave?”
“I just want to see if you’re ok,” Feng Xin said with more tenderness in his voice that he expected. He heard Mu Qing take a slow breath in before he heard the click of the lock and saw the door creak open. The room was dim so it was hard to see everything, but the light caught the part of Mu Qing’s face that poked out from inside the tomb-like area and he saw puffy eyes with streaked eyeliner staring back at him.
Mu Qing’s resolve to not start crying again and just tell Feng Xin to fuck off back to class crumbled when he saw the way Feng Xin’s face changed from its usual furrowed brow and tight mouth to something so much softer and compassionate. He even had the audacity to whisper “oh Mu Qing” after seeing his face for only a few seconds. A whimper escaped his lips as the tears blurred his vision as they had done on and off for the past few days. Mu Qing felt the door get pushed open further as Feng Xin stepped into the room and let the door close behind him as he pulled Mu Qing into a secure embrace. The floodgates opened as Mu Qing clung to him, letting his cries be muffled in the ugly burnt orange button-down Feng Xin wore.
Feng Xin slowly rocked back and forth as he held on, refusing to be the first to let go of the person he considered to be his dearest friend. He could wait until Mu Qing was together enough to talk about whatever was going on, which finally happened after he let go and rubbed his eyes.
“I’m such a wimp,” Mu Qing said, flicking off the wetness from his cheeks and seeing the black stains in Feng Xin’s shoulder. “Well, your ugly shirt’s ruined.”
Feng Xin’s usual line between his eyebrows returned as he looked down where Mu Qing’s face had been. “I don’t give a shit about that. What’s wrong?”
“My,” Mu Qing swallowed the lump in his throat. “Senior year of high school, my mom was sick. I took care of her the best I could, but she… she’s gone. And it’s been a year to the fucking day, and I still can’t get over it.”
“Oh shit,” Feng Xin said feeling his shoulders sag with the knowledge of her passing. Mu Qing snorted at his reaction.
“Eloquent,” he said, holding his arms around himself. “I should suck it up and get back to classes or at least function properly. Not like it matters, just grades and dumb teachers and student loans and-”
“Shut the fuck up,” Feng Xin said, shaking his head and stepping forward to pull Mu Qing back in his arms. “It does matter. Grief sucks, and you’re allowed to be fucking sad because you lost someone really important to you. Maybe you’re crying more now because you didn’t let yourself then.”
Mu Qing leaned into his embrace, willing himself to not start crying again. He couldn’t remember the last time he was hugged. “I guess.”
“So be fucking sad, but don’t be alone,” Feng Xin said, rubbing his back as he observed how his bed had a pile of blankets and empty cup of noodles starting to overflow from the trash can. More likely than not, he hadn’t ventured outside of the room in the past six days. “I have notes from our class if you need it later, but eating garbage noodles isn’t gonna make you feel better. Don’t those make you sick?”
“They’re all I had,” Mu Qing muttered. He had complained about his stomach being upset each time he ate the beef noodle version but he had got a variety pack for himself and had eaten the other ones in the previous semester. He didn’t have enough energy to go to the dining hall and get food for himself so he just opted to make himself physically in pain to try and distract from the emotional pain he was feeling. It didn’t work as planned, just added more to his misery.
“Let me get you some real food and we can watch something together,” Feng Xin offered and he felt Mu Qing stiffen in his arms.
“Don’t you have a test to study for?” Mu Qing asked, looking back at him. “I’m not letting you fail because I’m a cry baby.”
“Again, shut the fuck up,” Feng Xin said, making eye contact with him and feeling his stomach tighten. “I’m not gonna fail, and even if I bomb it, I don’t give a shit. You’re more important than a fucking test. Now, what do you want to eat?”
Mu Qing’s eyes welled again, but no tears came out. He was probably too dehydrated to make any more. “A protein smoothie? I think I’ve had enough salt to make the dead sea look hydrating.”
Feng Xin smiled warmly at him. “Yeah, I can do that. It’ll take me like 20 minutes to get it from the fitness center and back. Pick the show or movie you wanna watch.”
Mu Qing nodded, cracking a tired but genuine smile back at him as warmth bloomed in his chest. He scrubbed his face and did a quick version of his hair routine, leaving his hair down as he threw his garbage out into the large bin down the hall and freshened up the room. He had a projector he stole from the media closet during the freshman orientation and set it up to project on the opposite wall over the other bed. He figured the bed was big enough that they could sit together without bumping shoulders, but the option was there if Feng Xin was inclined. His comfort series was still on Netflix, so he connected his laptop and had everything set by the time Feng Xin came back. He had left the door unlocked, but instead of him just walking in, he kicked the door a few times to announce he had returned.
Before Mu Qing could chew him out for knocking when he could have just come in, opened the door to find Feng Xin’s arms full of food: two protein smoothies balanced in a tray on one arm, a bag hanging off the crook of his elbow, and a massive box with a variety of snacks.
“What the” Mu Qing said, taking the drinks from him and pulling the door back so he could get in and set everything down on the desk.
“I got sandwiches for tomorrow or later tonight if you feel up to it,” Feng Xin said pointing to one of the bags. “It’s also got apples and oranges so you may want to throw the bag into the fridge later, and the box I got from the faculty lounge.”
“You stole that?” Mu Qing asked, his mouth still open in shock.
“That box has been there since the end of last semester. I checked the expiration dates and everything should be fine. It also has those jalapeno Cheetos you sneak into the lab.” Feng Xin explained, scratching the back of his head. “Look, it’s not the worst thing I’ve done today. How do you think I found what your room number was?”
“You snuck into the security room?” Feng Xin nodded with a stressed expression on his face. Knowing how much he preferred to follow every dumb rule of campus, he smiled and felt flattered that he went so far out of his comfort to take care of him. “I am a bad influence on you.”
“Like hell you are,” Feng Xin said, kicking off his shoes and hoisting himself up on Mu Qing’s bed. “It’s what friends do.”
Mu Qing blinked at him a few times and looked like he was about to say something when he just shook his head and leaned down to pull a straw out of the bag, his hair hiding his face. “I guess that means I gotta commit arson for you.”
“Please don’t,” Feng Xin responded, finally bringing a laugh out of Mu Qing which eased his heart.
“Have you ever seen The Untamed ?” Mu Qing asked as he grabbed a straw from the bag of fruits and sandwiches. He got a confused head shake in response, and decided it was time to educate him on better Netflix programming. He was almost done with his second watch through, but went back to the first season and clicked on episode one. “Great. That’s what we’re watching.”
They sat right next to each other, Feng Xin finding himself engrossed in the show as they binge-watched the couple of episodes. Mu Qing delighted in stealing a glance at his profile when specific scenes came on, and laughed when he cursed in exasperation. Eventually, he felt a weight against his shoulder and restricted his own movements and exclamations until the “are you still watching” message appeared across the screen. Feng Xin, looked over to Mu Qing who was in a deep sleep and hadn’t stirred at the lack of sound coming from the screen. He smiled fondly and gently eased Mu Qing down to lay on his side as he closed the computer and turned off the projector. He grabbed a pillow to put under his head and covered him in a blanket, staring at his features. He was undeniably beautiful, his hair splayed out behind him and breathing peacefully.
“Good night,” Feng Xin whispered, making his way to the door since he hadn’t been invited to sleep there.
“Feng Xin?” A tired voice sounded behind him as he paused with his hand on the door. A part of him hoped he would tell him to stay. He was glad he seemed to be feeling better as their night had gone on, but if he wanted him to stick around he absolutely would. “Thank you.”
“Yeah,” Feng Xin said, opening the door and flicking the lock so it would automatically lock when he closed it. “Get some fucking sleep.”
“Mmm,” Mu Qing didn’t say anything more as he shifted a bit in bed and drifted back off to sleep with a gentle smile on his lips.
Feng Xin didn’t do as well as he wanted on the test, but it didn’t bother him since he had spent his time helping Mu Qing. He returned to his classes, explaining his absence with a stupid fever that knocked him on his ass to any professor that cared to ask. A few weeks later after midterms, Feng Xin found himself trying to memorize terms and formulas for a test that was worth 50% of his grade for a class. He was particularly nervous, knowing if he dropped out of the gpa bracket for honors, then he wouldn’t be able to continue with the course plan he and his advisor had set up. For him that meant more student debt and fewer things he could use to sell himself during job applications. He had been studying since lunch that day when he got a test grade back that put everything in jeopardy. His eyes and his head hurt as he rubbed his temples, wishing he could just force himself to grasp all the information.
Mu Qing in the meantime had gotten back into his bi-weekly partying, having had one shot too many, and opted to walk off some of the dizziness and absorb the booze with fries. The bag was greasy and gross, but the food was solid as he unintentionally started meandering towards the library. He checked his phone, seeing that Feng Xin had texted him an hour or so earlier about how he wished he could memorize information by bludgeoning himself with his notes. Mu Qing got his staggering in order, and walked into the building flipping off the staff member who was about to say that food wasn’t allowed. He went to their usual spot, and found Feng Xin hunched over the table oozing stress.
He looked worse than usual and Mu Qing’s impulsive thought told him to kiss the furrow from his brow to make everything better. To prevent such an embarrassing display of affection caused by feelings he had yet to address properly, he popped a handful of fries into his mouth instead. He had a reputation of being untouchable in the party scene, and wasn’t about to cave in to “impulsive gayness” because he was intoxicated. Plopping himself down unceremoniously on the ground next to his leg startled Feng Xin back to reality. “Mu Qing? The fuck are you doing here?”
“Went for a walk,” Mu Qing answered without hushing his voice offering the greasy bag to his friend. “Fries?”
“Are you shitting me? You’re drunk on a Thursday?” Feng Xin asked, knowing that Mu Qing only got a large bag of greasy campus fries when he had been partying.
“Technically, it’s Friday after two in the morning dumbass,” Mu Qing corrected, putting another fry in his mouth before scooching over towards the table and wiping the grease off his fingers on his pants. “2:27 to be exact.”
“Fuck, already?” Feng Xin said, tapping his phone a few times only to see that the battery must have died since he texted him. He sighed and pulled his hair out of the man bun it had been in, throwing the tie onto his material.
“Yep,” Mu Qing responded, popping the ‘p’ and looking up at him. He looked good with his hair looser, but he could see the dark circles forming under his eyes. “You alright?”
“I’m just, stressed,” Feng Xin said, leaning back and staring at the ceiling. “I’ve been here for 12 fucking hours and I still don’t know shit. Like nothing’s fucking sticking at all. If I don’t get a good grade, then I could get dropped from the shitty program and if I get dropped from the shitty program then it‘a a domino effect. It’s a whole cluster-fuck.”
“Well you’ve got plenty of notes,” Mu Qing commented, eyeing a stack of flash cards. “Gimme those.”
“Why?” Feng Xin asked, looking down at Mu Qing who rolled his eyes.
“I’m going to prove to you that you’re not as dumb as you think you are. You’re just not using that han- head of yours,” Mu Qing blinked exaggeratedly, making a mental note that 8 shots were too many if he was going to not stick his foot in his mouth. He half wondered if the reason why Pei Ming had started a habit of asking him about “Nerdy two-shoes” after a few drinks was because he ran his mouth with even less of a filter. “Now give me your shittily written cards and if I can read them, you’re getting quizzed.”
Feng Xin groaned and passed the stack over, watching Mu Qing pull a random one out and ask him about programming languages. Seeing Mu Qing struggle with some pronunciations between not being able to read his handwriting well and shoving more fries in his mouth, took some of the tension out of his shoulders as they worked through about a third of the cards. After 45 minutes of insult laden encouragement, a security guard came in to let them know that the library closed at 3am so they needed to get out.
Mu Qing told Feng Xin to come back with him to his room under the offer that they could continue studying there as he was helped up off the floor. Feng Xin agreed, wanting to get at least halfway through the stack before the end of the night even if he felt like his head was going to explode. The walk together was eventful to say the least with Mu Qing trying to befriend a stray cat near the trash bin outside and Feng Xin having to carry him over his shoulder because the large “cat” was actually a raccoon. Once they were settled inside, Feng Xin found the exhaustion of the day creeping up on him as he took his jacket off and ate a handful of sour cream chips that Mu Qing kept stashed for him.
They laid down next to each other on the bed, deciding that sitting up would be too much effort, and barely got through a few cards before Feng Xin started dozing off. Mu Qing let him, pretending to be engrossed in his phone for a few minutes until he heard a quiet snore next to him. He was mostly sobered up by then but declared himself too tired to shove Feng Xin off and make him sleep in the other bed, or go there himself. So instead, he gently took Feng Xin’s glasses off and placed them on the dresser next to the bed and pulled the blanket across the both of them, slipping off to sleep as well. The next morning, they woke up at the same time, Mu Qing bitching about how much Feng Xin was a bed hog and basically shoved him into the wall the whole night. Of course, Feng Xin retorted by saying he would have loved to give him more space but he was like an octopus while he slept and his breath smelled awful. They ended up spending the whole weekend together, with Mu Qing rewriting his flashcards so they were legible, and quizzing him intermittently on the material. It worked out as a pretty good system, and Feng Xin proudly announced that he ended up with a 98 the following Monday.
After spending so much time together, Feng Xin decided he needed to talk to someone else to get things off his chest. He had lunch with a casual friend he met through the Fitness Center who seemed the least judgemental. Xie Lian was a nice -almost to the point of naivety- unproblematic guy that immediately agreed to lunch upon noticing he was more tense than usual. He received an earful of the most he had heard him say about anyone as he laid his head on the table. “His hair is literally so soft though. When he turned so fast it hit me in the face, it didn’t hurt and it smelled nice. Is that weird? That’s a weird thing to say… Shit. Then he fuckin asks me one of the flashcards that i’ve been getting right for the past 20 hours and I’ve got nothing. No thoughts! And I’m staring at his mouth when he turns around and he asks if he’s got something on his face and I’m ready to send myself into the river. He’s gotta hate me by now. There’s no fucking way he’s not sick of my shitty face.”
Xie Lian pat his back sympathetically, encouraging him to take his time now that he realized how deeply set his feelings were. He didn’t know what else to tell him but just letting him talk for a while seemed to help take the edge off before he headed off to his next class. Xie Lian’s plan was to stay in the cafeteria all day, having his classes and could work on a syllabus for one of his education classes when Mu Qing sat down across from him with a determined look on his face. They knew each other through Pei Ming, as Xie Lian was usually the only person he’d actively interact with at parties mostly out of pity. Xie Lian gave into peer pressure often, but Mu Qing acted as a buffer against creeps or used him as an excuse not to get dragged into some wild sexcapade with Pei Ming. They rarely interacted in public though so Xie Lian was surprised but friendly as he offered the plate of fruit he had been picking at to try and break the icy stare. It didn’t take long for him to start talking, and at first Xie Lian couldn’t tell if he liked or hated the man he was talking about.
“He’s a big dumb stupid man, I shit you not. He’s completely clueless AND I even almost called him handsome. I don’t slip up on complimenting someone when I’m drunk, alright? But oh my god there’s no reason why someone who’s as sedentary as him should be so naturally fit. I still can’t get over how he felt when I had my… moment of weakness whatever weeks ago. In the lab yesterday this guy had the audacity to not only save my ass from falling when I slipped on something another classmate spilled but to set me back on my feet like I weighed nothing. NOTHING XIE LIAN. He didn’t think it was weird that I watched The Untamed but I dunno if that’s because he’s an ally or repressed… or both. I hope he’s repressed. I swear to god if I tried hitting on him, it would just go right over his stupid handsome head with his stupid handsome eyebrows.”
Xie Lian nodded in silence as he ranted and raved, discreetly texting his boyfriend about the whole mess and covering his mouth to hide his smile at the responses he received. They would have to wait and see if one of them would make a move or if they were going to remain mutual idiots for the rest of their college careers.