Chapter Text
Kara opened the door of her loft and slowly walked in. She dropped her keys and purse on the table next to the door and a bag of chinese food on the kitchen counter.
It was a good Sunday. She spent most of it with Esme, while Alex and Kelly had to do some tasks. Kara was happy to jump in and have Esme as company for the day. Aunt and niece never had a boring time. Teaching her to use her powers and taking her for sleepovers from time to time was the best.
Supergirl wasn’t really needed that day. Well, not just that day but lately, she only dealt with extraterrestrial problems that the DEO couldn’t handle or some big disaster worldwide. There weren't any nemesis that she needed to defeat, not that she complained about that.
After 3 years of working on inspiring people to be their own heroes it was actually working more and more every day. And she was happy about it. It gave her more free time to spend time with her family and be at CatCo.
Esme was growing so fast. Kara found out that she can connect with Esme in a different way. A while ago Esme started sharing things with Kara about her birth parents, her home, for what she could remember of it. Esme loved Alex and Kelly and her new family but she still missed what she had lost. Kara understood that very well. She encouraged Esme to talk about her feelings with her and her mothers.
Kara even started sharing her experiences and feelings after coming to Earth. How lonely she felt. How scary it was. But it got better in time and Kara was okay now.
Esme was gonna be fine, because she was a lot younger than Kara when she came to Earth and she adapted a lot easier. Esme found a new unique family that did everything they could to understand and accept her. Esme could be herself with them.
Alex and Kelly were even more happy than they were 3 years ago if that was even possible. Their marriage was blooming with Esme by their side.
They had game nights every Friday as usual. Nia and Brainy would show up to join them often. J’onn spent a lot of time on Mars lately but would also come by for the game when he could. Lena was dropping by too but not so often. She spent the last 3 years mostly in Calvintown. Kara was happy she and James found a way back to each other and were happy. It was nice that they managed to do it after so many years apart.
At CatCo things were interesting and challenging, especially when all her coworkers now knew that Kara Danvers was Supergirl. It was tense at first and it took a while but they eventually started treating her as Kara again. Most of the time.
And she did enjoy being editor in chief. She could make a difference there by determining the look and feel of the publications. Make them about important things, reach people and make them see the world in a different perspective.
She had what she always wanted - to make a difference in the world. She did it as both Kara and Supergirl. She felt good about it.
She visited Argo once or twice a year to see her parents but rarely lingered there long. Still didn’t feel like home anymore. Alura and Zor-El were happy to see her and asked her to stay a little longer every time, go around, and meet her old friend. But she found excuses and after a few days she would go back to Earth. Thara and Kara were so different now that after spending some time together Kara would pretend to have something to do and just walk around the city alone and somehow every time she ended up in the Argo Gardens.
Kara stood in the middle of the living room and considered her options. Shower first, food second.
After 20 minutes she was curled up on the couch, covered with a red blanket, eating a potsticker and flipping through the channels to pick a movie.
A romantic comedy - no.
A musical - not really.
A horror movie - perfect.
It wasn’t that scary after all. By the end of it she felt her eyelids heavy and realized she must have dozed off. Kara cleaned up the plate and headed for her bedroom. Already under the covers she closed her eyes and tried to return to the sleepy state of a moment ago.
But it was gone. She tried to roll over to the other side of the empty bed and clear her head of all thoughts. Just sleep.
It didn’t work.
She rolled over again on her back and stared at the ceiling as if it was it’s fault she couldn’t sleep. She thought those feelings were gone but they kept returning when she least expected them.
Fear. Empty. Cold.
Phantom zone nightmares were still haunting her. Not as often as before but often enough. Especially when she was alone all evening. Kara hasn’t told anyone, she didn’t want to worry them.
The dream where everyone died. Not a dream, a memory.
She tried to kick those dreary thoughts in the back of her brain where they belonged.
But as much as she tried not to think about the past and pretend that everything was fine, she had to admit to herself that she didn't feel completely happy.
Sure, CatCo was great. Her family loved her and she loved them. Her friends were there. But they all had a partner to share their lives with, a significant other to spend the evening with, to talk about their day, to cuddle in while watching a movie or just… be there when they get home.
She was lonely. She wanted more. She wanted to have what Alex had with Kelly. What Nia had with Brainy. What Lena had with James. What J’onn had with M’ggan.
But she couldn't. Kara made peace with that a long time ago and she kept reminding herself that it was the right choice.
Even once she allowed herself to question her decision and go on a date with William, it didn't go anywhere and then he was dead.
Now, when her identity was public it seemed even less likely. Most of the time when she decided to go out to eat or visit an event there were at least a few people asking for a photo or an autograph. She started to avoid those places when she wanted some privacy.
Considering she decided to change her mind and put herself out there again, how was she supposed to meet someone and trust he would see Kara and not just Supergirl?
After her big reveal she started receiving a lot of letters from ‘fans’. Some of them were sweet, others… very creepy. It only made her more skeptical about dating and meeting someone that she will be able to be just Kara with.
No. It wasn’t worth the risk of a broken heart. She was gonna be fine.
After all she had loved.
“Better to have loved and lost than never to have loved at all.” She remembered the line from a famous English poet.
She had loved and she had lost.
But going down that road of thoughts was dangerous.
“I don’t think I’ll ever be back in this lifetime.” Those words were still haunting her for some reason. How convinced he sounded. Why? He couldn’t know for sure… Time was such a fragile thing.
All those things she didn’t say to him. She wanted to... but she didn’t. She was afraid her voice would betray her so Kara just pulled him into one last hug. A farewell.
She closed her eyes again and tried to think of the day with Esme and banish any other memories that crept into her mind.
After a while it worked and she started to drift away.
Kara was going to be okay.