Chapter Text
Bradley didn’t realise he was bisexual until after he met Jake Seresin.
Of course, he didn’t make that connection until much later. Until after they had already gone through their confusing dance from rivals, to co-workers, to friends, to an all too brief time as lovers, to… whatever the hell was going on between them now. Or, not going on, as it was. Their once burgeoning relationship destroyed by animosity and unanswered questions. A year had passed since the last time they had been together. There was no way for Bradley to predict how things would have changed between them if they ever got to see each other again.
The realisation, when it finally happened, wasn’t anything special. A rush of understanding when Bradley was lonely and bored one evening and thought that poking at that particular knot of feelings was a smart idea. Which, okay maybe it was in some ways. It couldn’t be left to fester, not if he wanted to keep his sanity intact. But still. Not helpful. The feelings didn’t magically disappear just because he had acknowledged them, if anything they just became more confusing.
And somehow that wasn’t even the worst part.
He knew without a doubt that they had already had their chance. Not even belatedly recognising how he felt about the man would be enough to recover what had once been growing between them. The small budding flower that was their relationship, snipped off before it could even dream of reaching its full potential. If he was being honest, he wasn’t sure what he had expected, ‘relationship’ felt too strong in some ways and nowhere near enough in others, but he did know without a doubt that it wasn’t the empty bed he had been left in, nor the gut-achingly hollow feeling he had felt when… No. He wasn’t going to think about it.
Jake was the one who had left first.
Jake was the one who had entered his life with a bang, shaken up his entire world-view, and then disappeared like it didn’t mean anything.
Jake was the one who had finally lived up to his namesake by leaving him hanging.
Yet, despite everything, he was ultimately the reason Bradley had a sexual awakening to speak of. No matter how reluctant he was to admit that that was the case. In his defence, his teens and early twenties had been spent dealing with the aftermaths of both his parent’s deaths and his tumultuous relationship with his godfather, so he hadn’t had much opportunity to consider his identity past that of the prototypical straight white male everyone assumed he was before then anyway.
So, maybe it wasn’t Jake.
Maybe it was a coincidence, his mind connecting the dots in a way that fit the pattern already formed in his head. Maybe it was just a side-effect of the lingering attraction he knew he would always feel for him. Maybe, maybe, maybe he was deluding himself into thinking he could pretend he had ever looked at another man in the same way before Jake had come along, and maybe he was in denial about the fact that there were uncanny similarities between anyone he had shown interest in since that paled in comparison to the real thing.
This was where Bradley’s head had been stuck for the entirety of his trip home. Flying in to San Diego from overseas had given him ample opportunity to overthink. Not about his impromptu homecoming though, or the fact that he would be stopping by his childhood home for the first time in well over a decade, or what it would be like to retrace his steps through Top Gun again like the first time around wasn’t difficult enough. No. His mind was stuck inexplicably upon Jake goddamn Seresin, and his goddamn stupid handsome face, and the fact that he still had way too many feelings for a guy who had walked out on him without so much as a backward glance.
Having been called back to Top Gun was making him maudlin. Between the painful memories of Maverick’s betrayal and thoughts of Jake haunting him, Bradley’s ability to act like a functional human being in front of his tenants (Terry, Kate, and their small army of kids) when he finally arrived at the old house had surprised him. Somehow, he kept himself together long enough to collect the keys to his Bronco – the tenancy agreement had been amended to include some rather unique stipulations once he had found out that Terry knew cars just as well as Kate knew gardens – and make promises to stop by for dinner one night just as soon as his schedule allowed it.
Though it hurt, the tightness in his chest had loosened a little at the sight of the house looking so lived in, bolstering him enough to work up the courage to head to base. He arrived later than most, the long hallways were practically empty, and the other bed in his bunk was already littered with belongings but the owner was nowhere in sight. There was only one thing for it. Reclusive tendencies aside, he’d have to get himself over to the Hard Deck if he wanted any kind of head start on discovering who else had been summoned for this mysterious assignment ahead of tomorrow’s briefing.
And, big surprise, his one-track mind struck again as thoughts of Jake bubbled to the surface unprompted.
It was stupid.
Bradley didn’t even know if he was going to see him. It was just a hunch. The brief, when he had been told that he was getting re-stationed to North Island, was too vague to ascertain any real information. But Jake had always maintained he deserved bragging rights as the ‘best of the best’ from the Top Gun program, so, if Bradley had been asked back, it made logical sense that Jake would have been too. At least that’s what worried him. There’d be others as well, that much was obvious but, if he were being honest, Bradley didn’t have the mental capacity to guess at those names when his mind was too preoccupied with the possibility of seeing Jake again.
How much could one person change in a year?
What was Bradley supposed to do?
What was he supposed to say?
Would seeing Jake again give him the closure he so desperately craved, or would it just shove him further off the edge into unclassified waters?
The drive to the bar didn’t last long enough. Trying to shake the feeling he’d teleported there for all the attention he had paid on road in front of him, Bradley pulled into a free space close to the door and shut off the engine with a reluctant flick of his wrist. He couldn’t make himself pull the key out of the ignition. That would mean he had to go inside.
What would he do if he wasn’t there?
Moreso, what would he do if he was?
He should’ve planned better.
Was there a polite way to ask Jake what the fuck his problem was, and did he open with that, or save it for after they had said hello?
If nothing else, maybe seeing him again and being reminded of how much it hurt to get stuck in his orbit would finally allow Bradley to start to get over him.
God, whatever happened, he had a sinking feeling it wasn’t going to end well.
Reigning in the tidal wave of panic that threatened to trick him into driving far, far away, Bradley took a few deep breaths and tried to locate the rational part of his brain. The part that wasn’t fixating on their first meeting and all that had gone wrong since then, the part that didn’t want Jake to waltz back into his life a second time and change everything he thought he knew about himself with a simple wink and a smile, the part that still remembered what it was like to fall in love with a person who would never love him back.
Choices spent; Bradley swaggered into the Hard Deck with a smile.
No matter what, Jake didn’t deserve the satisfaction of seeing how broken he felt.
***
After completing all the requisite training and graduating Top Gun at the top of his class (suck it, Maverick), Bradley had put in request after request to get deployed overseas as much as possible during the beginning of his naval career. It wasn’t that he didn’t like being in America per se, despite all its flaws he did love his home country, there was just too much emotional baggage. He knew that he wouldn’t stay away indefinitely, but for now he was content to explore the rest of the world and put some much-needed distance between himself and the complicated past he was trying his hardest to leave behind.
Besides, it’s not like there was anyone to give him reason to stay.
The one person he felt any ties to nowadays put in the same requests that he did and somehow managed to end up stationed near, if not with, him most of the time anyway.
Natasha Trace – his best friend, most trusted confidant, Platonic soulmate (with a capital P, because there were lines that they hadn’t ever needed to cross to know romance would never be on the cards for them) – was without a doubt his favourite person in the whole world. A fact she never let him forget. Fiery as the callsign she had appointed herself with, she cemented herself by his side from the moment they first met in basic training. Helping him through some of the toughest times in his career, Nat had always been ready with a supporting hand whenever he thought he was done for. Never once questioning why he was four years older than most of the other recruits in their cohort, just cracking ‘old man’ jokes and taking advantage of his ID to buy drinks until she was old enough to do so for herself. Never batting an eye at the fact that he couldn’t look at certain photos displayed on the walls of the Top Gun buildings when they were called there together, just providing much needed distractions and sharing things about herself that let him know he was allowed to process his shit in his own time, and that she would be ready to listen if and when he wanted to talk about it. Never letting him down, never standing in his way, never trying to be anything other than herself.
It was refreshing.
Reliable.
Nat was the only constant in his life.
It therefore made complete and utter sense that things went wrong the moment she wasn’t there.
Though it was inevitable, he had still been blindsided when the order came through that he had to return to the States. While he was pretty certain he hadn’t shown any outward reaction during his briefing, forcing out the appropriate “yes, Sir”, “no, Sir”, “thank you, Sir” as he was expected to, it wasn't a certain thing. His mind awhirl with shock about the prospect of going home, he hadn't been thinking straight, more focused on escaping from that meeting to panic in private.
It wasn’t even his actual home they were sending him back to (thankfully, both he and the navy were of the same mindset that he had no reason to go back to North Island yet), but that was just arguing semantics, it was close enough that he had to fight down an overwhelming wave of anxiety for the first time in years.
Nat had found him like that, huddled in his bunk, slow breathing his way through the attack. One shared look between them confirmed what they both already knew.
She wasn’t coming with him.
There was nothing they could do about it.
He shipped out the next morning.
Landing in Jacksonville was sobering. Home was on the opposite side of the country, thousands of miles away, and yet still too close. A weight settled in Bradley’s chest as he went through the motions of checking in, unpacking, and introducing himself to his bunkmates, grateful he could mask any signs of discomfort with the very real excuse that he was exhausted from travelling. Though he hadn’t previously met any of them, his bunkmates – callsigns Trojan, Harvard and Lynx – quickly assimilated him into the group, catching him up on the latest gossip (which he could only half understand because it involved a number of people he had never heard of before) whilst en-route to their favourite hangout spot in the area.
Not that the overwhelming friendliness wasn’t appreciated, there was always the potential of feeling ostracised when joining already established teams as the new guy, he just wished they had given him time to change into his uniform before they left base so that he could actually look like part of the group rather than some sad naval groupie following them around in his civvies.
The place they ended up at did little to help him relax. It could have looked like any other bar in the world, but that was just Bradley’s luck wasn’t it. The wooden façade, the wide circular bar in the centre of the room, the well-used pool tables set off to the side… all it was lacking was an old, slightly out of tune piano and a wide beachfront to look out onto for him to feel like he was stepping back into the Hard Deck.
Which wasn’t what he wanted to be thinking about right now, thank you very much.
He wasn’t in California.
Nothing bad was going to happen.
Taking a breath, he tried to apply himself to the night ahead, buying the first round and smoking the others at a few rounds of nine-ball, just to set their expectations right for while they were working together.
It was… better than he thought it would be.
Bradley surprised himself, managing to let loose a little by the time the group had polished off a few beers. He’d been banned from picking up a pool cue for the rest of the evening (the others wanted to practice before trying to take him on again), but he hadn't minded, content to pick a spot by the bar and observe from a distance for a while. That was why, when a larger group of individuals all dressed in the same distinctive tan uniform entered the bar, he kept his head down rather than joining them to introduce himself. He nursed his drink and watched Trojan flounder under the gaze of the pretty blonde girl who’d been eyeing him up all night. That shit was better than a movie. Just as he looked like he was working up the courage to go talk to her, Bradley’s attention was snagged unequivocally by another man who had just sauntered up to the bar across from him like he owned the place.
“Maya darlin’, how’ve you been?” He drawled with a grin directed towards the bartender, laying on a thick southern accent for her benefit. Considering the way she beamed at him, dropping the towel she had been wiping the counter with to lean on it and chat, it was clearly having the exact effect this guy expected it to. Bradley took their distraction as the opportunity it was to check him out a little better; he somehow managed to pull of the aviator uniform in a breath-taking way Bradley had never seen before. Blond and tanned, he looked like a god, ethereal in the warm glow of the fading sunlight that glinted through the window. Bradley glanced down to his drink, thinking that he should cut himself off now if he was waxing poetic in his head about some random guy like that. Weird. Something warm and fluttery stirred low in his gut, in a way it had only done so before when he had looked at women.
After what looked like a frankly excessive amount of flirting, the guy placed his order with a wink and stood up a little straighter, looking around as if casing the room. Because Bradley was already watching, he saw the exact moment when the guy’s eyes landed on him and he clocked the way he appeared to do a double take as he took Bradley in. Bradley wasn’t averse to the attention, if anything it was kind of flattering, but he couldn’t say he enjoyed the way the guy’s eyes seemed to narrow once they had locked onto him. He felt captive, like prey. Trapped. Unable to escape. Unsure if he wanted to.
Bradley tried not to fidget, wary of giving the guy some sort of unconscious invitation to come talk to him.
As Maya finished making his order, the guy dropped some cash on the bar and said, in a voice Bradley assumed was projected for his benefit, “and another one for my new friend over there, he looks a little thirsty.”
Maya glanced around to where Bradley was sat, mortified by both the guy’s shamelessness and the blush that he knew was blooming across his cheeks in response to it, and smiled as if in on some joke Bradley had missed. With that, the guy winked at him and effortlessly balanced the heavy tray of drinks on one hand as he returned to his group in the corner of the room. Bradley didn’t know whether to be impressed or irritated. He wasn’t given much chance to work it out either. A bottle thudded onto the counter next to him. Maya murmured just low enough for him to hear, “he comes across like an asshole until you get to know him better.”
“What?” Bradley asked, trying to feign ignorance and failing, if Maya’s snort was anything to go by.
“Just give him a chance? Bark is worse than his bite.” She spotted something over his shoulder and shook her head, looking bemused, before turning to serve the next customer.
“Was someone talking about biting? Count me in.” Up close Bradley could still hear hints of that accent peeking through and dammit if it didn’t make that warm feeling rise into his chest where it was so much harder to ignore. The guy leant one arm on the bar to face Bradley head on. He was closer than Bradley was expecting so, when he turned to face him, he had to tilt his head back to meet his eye. Somehow it made everything feel so much more intimate than Bradley had been prepared for. His breath caught in his throat, making him choke on the words he had planned to say, as he caught a whiff of the guy’s cologne. It was heady and inviting. A scent Bradley wanted to get lost in forever. The guy’s grin seemed genuine, which it would be if he was even half as entertained by the events of the evening so far as Bradley assumed he was. He nodded to the bottle Maya had left for Bradley. “So did you want to finish that first, or should we just get outta here?”
Wait.
What?
Bradley couldn’t help himself, he started laughing. This whole situation was ridiculous. The guy’s smile faltered as if he couldn’t decipher whether the laughing was a good sign or not.
“You’re really just that confident?” Bradley asked, incredulous. The guy shrugged, already back to entertained and shameless, in response. Bradley shook his head, “I don’t even know your name. Why would I go anywhere with you?”
“Ah, well if you were looking for an introduction darlin’, all you had to do was ask. Jake, and you are…?” His voice trailed off allowing Bradley the opportunity to introduce himself in turn. The small badge over his right pec read Seresin. Bradley’s subconscious filed that information away in the back of his mind to think about later, the name Jake Seresin was familiar to him for a reason he couldn’t quite remember in the moment. Nat, as it turned out, had spoken of him from missions they had worked together the few times she had been stationed in the States without Bradley – she had admired his skill and bitched about his personality with equal veracity – but Bradley wouldn’t remember that rather important fact until after their second meeting the following morning.
“Bradley.”
The smile he received this time was downright wolfish. “And what brings you to town Bradley?”
“Work.”
One-word answers didn’t seem to deter Jake in the slightest. “Enjoying a night off then, are we? Or,” he leaned in to whisper conspiratorially, “are you still on the clock right now?”
“Would you leave me alone if I said I was?”
“Absolutely not.”
Bradley chuckled in spite of himself, “then no, not on the clock.”
“So, what is it you d-,” Jake’s next question was cut off by the sound of smashing glass nearby.
They jumped apart in surprise, having been leaning closer and closer together as their conversation went on. Maya was apologising to the customers around her as she pulled a dustpan and brush from under the bar to clean up with.
It was as if someone had dropped ice down the back of Bradley’s shirt.
What was he doing?
Flirting?
With a man?
Someone he could potentially be working with in the future?
Who clearly didn’t know he was a fellow pilot, if the direction of his interrupted question was any indication?
He jumped up from his stool, feeling awkward and self-conscious in a way he hadn’t been since he first started learning how to talk to girls in middle school. Jake looked up, frowning in surprise, from where he had been helping Maya collect the larger pieces of glass together. “Hey, you okay?”
“I- I have to leave.”
“Why?” Bradley turned and stalked towards the door without answering. “Wait.” He didn’t stop, the dull clink of glass hitting the counter again sounded behind him. He heard his name being called, but he needed out now. He couldn’t stop. He felt hot and his hands were tingling in the way they usually did when he was feeling anxious.
Outside was better, the cooling air refreshing enough to help him centre himself. He fished in his pocket for keys, before remembering he didn’t have a car here as one of the other guys had driven them over. Cursing this short-sightedness, he pulled out his phone instead to request a Lyft just as a hand landed on his shoulder.
“Hey,” Jake tugged to make him face him, “what happened? Are you alright?”
Face flushing, Bradley shook him off and stepped back to put a safer distance between them. “Nothin’ man, I’m fine,” he focused on his phone, relief flooding in when his screen loaded and showed the car was only a few minutes away. He looked back up again to see Jake frowning at him with evident concern, “got an early start,” he added, hoping he would take the weak excuse as the farewell it was supposed to be.
“Oh,” an indecipherable look crossed his face. At a loss for how else to interpret it, Bradley assumed it was disappointment. “Right, okay. I thought-”
“Thought what?” Bradley felt vulnerable, and a vulnerable Bradley was never very friendly. “You flirt for a second and just expect me to go home with you? I’m not that easy.”
The change in tone brought Jake up short. “Wha- no? I don’t think that. I just wanted to make sure you were okay; you ran out of there pretty quickly.”
“I said I’m fine. Leave me alone.”
Jake shook his head, “I’m missing something here, what changed?”
“Jesus, man. How fucking dense are you? I’m not interested.” As Jake scoffed and opened his mouth to retort a sleek black Audi pulled into the parking lot, Bradley waved to the driver and stepped forwards to open the door as he kept talking, “did they not teach you how to take no for an answer at whatever second rate flight school you went to?”
Because he was getting into the car, he missed the way Jake’s expression changed from warm and concerned, to icy calm.
“What the fuck is your problem?”
“You.”
With that, Bradley slammed the door shut, flipping him off through the window as the driver pressed on the gas without comment. He rested his head against the cool glass as he tried to reign control over the rising tide of guilt growing in the back of his mind. Jake hadn’t deserved that, but he refused to dwell on it.
If he was lucky, they’d never have to see each other again.
“Rough night?” The driver asked after a few minutes of tense silence.
He choked out a humourless laugh, “yeah, somethin’ like that.”
They made meaningless small talk for the remainder of the journey and Bradley’s mood lifted enough that it wasn’t until later, thoughts rattling around his brain after he’d showered and crawled into his bunk, that it occurred to him.
Luck had never really been on his side.